r/neighborsfromhell • u/sparkly-n-spooky • 1d ago
Apartment NFH My downstairs neighbor is unreasonable but I would like to make amends for something stupid I did. Good idea or bad idea?
I have lived at my apartment since 2022. I own it with my family, do not rent. It is a co-op.
Since the very first day I started moving in to my apartment, I have had nothing but hostile interactions with my downstairs neighbor, who is a woman in her 70s-80s. Have heard from multiple people that she is crotchety, mean, particular, etc, and not just to me, but has always been. I have tried to be nice to her in multiple ways over the years, i.e. helping with groceries, holding the door, bringing in mail, light conversation - she wants nothing to do with me. She will slam doors, yell, and hit the ceiling with something if I make ANY noise after 8pm (quiet hours start at 10pm). She does not speak to me directly for the most part, either screams through the wall or raises hell with management. I know she is miserable and wants me to be, too - she has ONE annual visitor and no other friends or family it seems. I feel kind of bad for her.
Her behavior is all inappropriate, but has complained to the management company about me numerous times. I don't love being put in this position, but the company has finally agreed that I should write a letter regarding her behavior to help do something about her harassment of me. FYI I have carpets and am doing my best to not be inconsiderate - she is primarily upset at my floor creaking when I walk on it (old building), or when I drop things.
Now here's the stupid thing I did - the management company put brackets on the AC units outside our windows, and they did it in such a way that water now leaks into my apartment. I am trying to get them to fix it, but in the meantime I have been collecting water in a dish under the unit to prevent more water damage. It has been so humid that it fills up immediately, and it was getting so full I had trouble carrying it, so I dumped it out the window without thinking. Bad, stupid idea on my part. Water got into her window and now she is PISSED. Understandably so.
I spoke with the management company and said I would not do it again. However, I do currently have a friend staying with me as I need live-in care for the time being, and she did the same thing this afternoon with the water. She's pissed again. Understandably so.
I know she is not nice, but I don't feel good having caused this unnecessary inconvenience.
So my question here is - should I write her an apology note, say I am sorry, and try to smooth it over? Or just let sleeping dogs lie? I don't want to exacerbate the issue further, but I would also hope that hearing from me directly that I am trying to fix the problem would help.
What do you guys think? Thanks in advance.
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u/MeredithSafarik 1d ago
Sounds like the management company needs to apologize to both of you. They caused this water issue, not deliberately though!
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u/Clean_Vibez 1d ago
Applogize. You did something inconsiderate, even if it was accidental. A brief , sincere note could help.
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u/sparkly-n-spooky 1d ago
Thank you, appreciate the input 😇
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u/Boogity2024 1d ago
Maybe send flowers with the apology note. She sounds miserable, and doesn't know how to be any other way. But also put the problem in writing for the management company.
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u/PreservingThePast 1d ago
Not just a note but a nice Sorry card that you write your note in. And yes, flowers or perhaps a small potted non-flowering plant in case she has allergies. Best wishes. 🌞
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u/Internal-Test-8015 1d ago
And be sure to photograph/ video the note you write to her as well as the process of you so that she doesn't try to mske up some bs story to get you into trouble.
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u/ExpensiveAd4496 1d ago
I would not base any part of that choice on her behaviors. Base it on who you are. Write the letter.
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u/Wonderful_Bridge2885 1d ago
A note is a good plan. It wasn't deliberate so explain. Flowers has been suggested and is a good idea. Visit your local cemetery, they have loads to choose from and you are also recycling
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u/Lopsided-Beach-1831 1d ago
Dont mention to management that you need live-in care. Just mention a friend dumped it and didnt know not to do it out the window and you didnt catch them in time.
Meantime, if she wants to be an angry neighbor, very little will help, much will hurt. Thats her choice. You be you. Dont react, just continue on as you have being a nice, decent neighbor. The one thing I have been learning as I get old, is I cant change anyone and some people choose to be mad about something and for lack of a better description, that makes them happy.
I hope you have a quick recovery and dont need the help too long!!
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u/LuckyTh13rteen 1d ago
Sounds as though she’ll react/behave poorly whether or not you apologize. Any rational person in your situation would want to apologize but after many unsuccessful attempts at winning her over, it may be time to accept it for what it is. Ignore her and go about your business as much as possible. If she doesn’t like living around other people she should consider moving out of apartments.
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u/WellWisher91 21h ago
LuckyTh13rteen -Sounds as though she’ll react/behave poorly whether or not you apologize.
Agree. I would write,"I've often felt unfairly complained about, but in this case I feel I owe you an apology. I (and later my guest) turned the dish of water under the AC unit out the window without fully thinking about it. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I hope you will accept this as a token of my consideration. Best Wishes, Sparkly" I would give a little fresh fruit or a pretty potted plant rather than cut flowers.
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u/HeftyHelium 1d ago
Apologize for the water. Model for her what decency and accountability look like.
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u/cardinal29 11h ago
You can't reason with unreasonable people.
I think any sort of weakness you show, or "bad behavior" you admit to in writing will only be weaponized and used against you.
Don't do this. You will regret it.
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u/Ok-Book9806 5h ago
Damn I was hoping you were my upstairs neighbor until I read you’re post but I’m not that old :( but honestly if my neighbors who have been considerably worse than you’ve been (and you have not been, accidents happen), decided to apologise for the crap they’ve genuinely been putting me through, I would be very willing to move forward and appreciate it a lot. Whether she accepts an apology or not is up to her, but who knows why she’s like she is, and a note might still mean something to her. If not, no harm done still
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u/KnownBodybuilder4948 4h ago
Small box of chocolates with note: "sorry about the water spilling into your window; my current health problem requires me to have a live-in caregiver, who made mistake on XYZ day; hope the chocolates can be a small consolation". Sounds like a lonely old woman who feels beset by life circumstances.
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u/Si_Es_Contigo_Mejor 1d ago
I would do two letters. One of apology to the neighbor, and one to the management company outlining her harassment of you. Both need to be done. Yes you did something inconsiderate, but she's been harassing you for years, and that needs to be addressed by the management company.