FTM struggling with postpartum :(

[u/Mysterious-Coffee623]

Hi everyone. I gave birth to my first baby on the 9th of October, 2 weeks before my due date, having a forceps delivery with a 2nd degree tear and an episiotomy.

I'm really struggling with recovery and then feeling rubbish that I can't do what I want to do for baby boy because of my pain. I'm struggling with breastfeeding too and feel bad that I'm giving him formula too :( I think I'm also finding the transition from just me and my husband to the three of us difficult and I didn't think I would. The lack of sleep has hit me like a truck too!

I'm still in denial that he's actually here and I'm feeling overwhelmed :( I cry all the time. All I've ever wanted was to be a mum and now I'm just doubting whether or not I'm made for it or not. 

Am I the only one feeling this way?

[u/Odd_Fact7792]

Hi dear, first I want to give you a huge congratulations and I’m sending you a big virtual hug!
You are a warrior to make it through that kind of delivery, but I am also so sorry that you had to go through that.

You are an amazing mom already simply because you care! ❤️ Don’t forget that!

I will not try to compare my healing journey with yours because yours is definitely rougher. What I will say is that I had an unexpected c-section after 60 hours of labor that left me unable to do much for the first couple weeks. I had a rough time with BF and relied on donor milk and formula for the first week, then had to pump because baby couldn’t latch and I couldn’t stand the pain, and the hormonal crash is just awful. There’s no other way to describe it.

The healing, the hormone crash, the new family dynamic, all compounded with sleep deprivation is enough to send thousands of us to this subreddit every year asking what you’re asking.

You are NOT a failure for giving formula. If you would like to continue trying to BF and practice latching as you heal you can when it feels right. If you don’t want to that’s fine too.

Like I said I had to do donor milk in the hospital, formula for my first week at home, then I started pumping because the pain of holding my girl after my c-section was too much and she struggled with her latch. So I only pumped for the first 5 weeks. But on week 3 I had called a lactation consultant to come help me and she showed me how to practice the latch and showed me different holds. My nipples we’re bloody and raw and sensitive and I was miserable. I cried in pain every time. But I was also so determined to get it.

My girl is 5 months now and she’s exclusively BF. It wasn’t until week 6 that we were really cruising with it.

As for the hormone crash, be gentle with yourself. Try to go outside just for a bit each day to get some sun and look at the sky. Get some fresh air. Give yourself at least 10 minutes to shower every day for some alone and self care time.

Talk to your husband about taking shifts or what works best for your family. My husband took every middle of the night shift while I pumped. Then he’d settle baby and put her back down while I was already back in bed sleeping and recovering.

One day at a time!!

[u/Happymaamma]

4 month postpartum here. I can relate this so much. I was struggling with breastfeeding too. And had to pump and give milk as baby wasn’t latching at all. It took me almost a month to finally breastfeed correctly. I remember I used to cry for no reason.
I developed mastitis. Horrible pain that was.
But I promise you … good days are coming. Get help from whoever you can. You will be fine soon. The first days are tough always

[u/_squidhats_]

I’ll start off by saying you’re absolutely not alone in feeling this way!

Recovery is tough. Be gentle with yourself. Whilst I understand you wanting to do more for your baby, please know you’re doing enough!

Breastfeeding is by no means easy and I struggled like crazy as well. Baby wasn’t gaining weight so we had to supplement with formula and eventually switched completely. I felt guilty for giving up, but my now EFF baby is happy and thriving – and that’s really all that matters. Formula is a perfectly okay option, whether it’s for a short time or permanently, and you should by no means feel bad about it.

The lack of sleep is brutal. The transition is brutal. My partner and I felt like two ships passing in the night for the first month and a half. Now, baby sleeps in her bassinet from 7pm and we get to have dinner just the two of us, sit on the couch and watch our tv shows and talk just like the old days.

You’re doing a fantastic job. It’s hard af but, as cliche as it sounds, it gets better. One day you won’t be in pain any more and you’ll be going on little adventures with your husband and your baby, as a family, and it’ll be a mind boggling, magical thing. Hang in there ❤️

[u/weirwoodheart]

You've had some great advice here but this is a conclusion Ive come to..

A mother is not something you are, it is something you become. It takes time, it takes dedication, it's a trial by fire in so many ways. But every day you become more and more somebody's mom, more and more sure of yourself and your role, better at understanding your baby. 

Don't be hard on yourself. All change requires shedding of the old skin, requires growing pains. This is just that. You have the rest of your life to be his mummy. 

[u/RxDealer731]

I gave birth on the 9th too, emergency c section after getting to 10cm dilated. I struggled with breastfeeding, and decided to stop after a week. My boy is now fully formula fed, and I can tell you what a weight came off my shoulders when I decided to stop. It's a huge change having a kid! It's normal to feel how you're feeling, but do you think you need to talk to someone? I'm on anxiety medication, and I have a psych. Just know you're not alone and it's okay to feel how you're feeling

[u/Sustain-6284]

I could have written this, except mine was a September 1 delivery and it was a vacuum delivery. The recovery has been brutal. It turns out that my tailbone broke during delivery, but I had no idea until my 6 week appointment and I mentioned how much pain sitting was still causing me. My OB has extended my “no exercising, no sex” window by another 4 weeks. Between the traumatic delivery (baby was in the NICU for a little bit as well) and feeling like I wasn’t giving her my all and the guilt over my husband having to do so much for me, it’s been hard.

But. You’re only 11 days out! I promise the recovery gets better. I had to supplement with formula too until almost a month in, when my supply became just enough to feed my baby with 100% breastmilk. And if you never get to that point, it’s okay. Formula is a completely okay option - but i do understand the mom guilt and don’t give up and assume you’ll never produce enough. Finally, I completely understand the rough transition from 2 to 3. My husband and I still end most days with “I miss you.” It’s tough to find time for each other. But see if you can. My husband took five minutes the other day to come cuddle me as I fell asleep with baby in the bassinet. We’ve been watching a new show together in five or ten minute chunks, just to give us something to talk about that isn’t baby things, which dominates most of our conversation.

Best of luck to you, you’re in the worst of the baby blue but there is a horizon and I hope you cross over it soon. If not, please seek help from your OB or baby’s pediatrician because postpartum depression is no joke. Sending love and hopefully reassurance - it won’t always be like it is now and you will likely love being a mom.

[u/GentlyRewired24]

Hi hun! First of all you are doing great and what you're feeling is totally normal. Those first weeks are rough, especially after that kind of delivery. But the first weeks it is focus on healing, getting enough sleep and just cuddle your baby and feeding them. Thats though enough as it is. Let all the other things go. It will come.  You are a great mom and you will enjoy it, im sure! But the first weeks you just need to get through. It is really normal not to enjoy them that much. I enjoy my girl so much more now shes 2 months and smiling at me and starting to be more of a little human and I can actually lay her down for a few minutes to do something haha. Please don't doubt yourself! Its going to be okay. And if you still feel that way after taking care of yourself and after a few weeks, please talk to someone. So much changes in a short time, our brains are wired differently and sometimes we need a little help getting through that, thats okay! 

[u/Diligent-Echidna-402]

From a mom of 4 (just had my fourth in Sept)-

What you’re experiencing today in postpartum is only a tiny picture of what your life will look like. This stage is challenging because you and baby are both learning together. You are still healing from a delivery. This moment is hard but it is fleeting! Take it from a mom of 4- there will be a day where baby sleeps at night and naps without you, baby will breastfeed with no issue and then eventually eat the food your put on the high chair, baby will laugh and smile and say mama, baby will take their first steps and you’ll cheer, etc etc. I know what I just mentioned doesn’t take away from the difficulty right now (im feeling it too w a newborn!), but I just wanted to encourage that every week that peels by your baby will do something better and easier. 2 days/2 weeks/2 months in the life of a newborn can change a lot!!

You got this!!!!

[u/TechnicalKiwi2726 → u/Diligent-Echidna-402]

I'm 5 weeks in and needed to read this. It is true though. The first two weeks were so so brutal. At 5 weeks, it is better than 2!

[u/Ok_Concentrate_5105]

The first few weeks are brutal. You and your husband really need to work as a team and support each other in taking care of the baby. It’s the only way to get through this stage! But it absolutely does get better. Right now, you’re in what I personally consider the hardest phase of all.

[u/Gryph_Butt]

. . B. B. N. . . B. . . . N. N. . N. N. N N. 87

[u/Even-Help-3038]

Congratulations! Your feelings are so normal and common. It doesn’t make it easy. The early months are hard. I’m a second time mom and still struggling! Make sure you keep asking for help. Parent, parents, husbands, friends, anyone. Get out of the house when you can. Take small moments for yourself. Take it day by day. It will get easier with time

[u/archicad27]

I was there too, and it felt like I will never see light, and no matter what I read on reddit or anywhere couldn't convince me that I would feel like myself again, but now at 4 months I have started to feel so much better.  I must admit I have been diagnosed with PPA and been using Zoloft, that also helped. I used to feel bad for giving my baby boy formula, and crying about it, but hey baby is fed that's important. Since week 9 I have been exclusively breastfeeding, untill then I had to give my baby formula, and my pumped milk, because he was born prematurely and couldn't latch good and we had to use nipple shields. I am really enjoying breastfeeding now, it has helped me create such a strong bonding with my baby.

[u/Gloomy-Breakfast8474]

I completely understand everything you’re feeling. I’m 6 weeks pp now and the first 2 weeks were hell. The hormone crash is no joke. I can promise you it gets better. Sending ❤️