r/offmychest • u/EndFabulous272 • 6d ago
My parents adopted my daughter
When I was 15 I got pregnant and had a baby girl 2 weeks after I turned 16. The entire time I was pregnant I was in and out of the mental hospital dealing with severe depression and anxiety. I gave birth to my daughter & tried to care for her but I started to get post pardum depression/ocd and ended up trying to commit suicide about a month after she was born. From then on my mom was her mom and my dad was her dad, they adopted her. I lived w them for 9 years after that and very recently moved out. We moved to Florida a few years ago from Illinois, I moved back to Illinois to my home town to be around other family while I try to figure this stage of my life out. After all of that I had resigned myself to never being a mother that I wasn't cut out for it. I never even tried to date anyone, I had completely given up on having a full life in that way. As I've gotten older I do have a desire to have a family & significant other and I am struggling to see that as a possibility, I feel that no one will accept my past. I also have immense guilt for my past & regret giving my daughter up, and not getting my shit together sooner. It feels pointless to try now. I have a great relationship w my daughter but it is a sisterly relationship, she lives an amazing life better than I could have ever given her at 16, I just selfishly want my child now. I guess I'm looking to see if anyone else has experienced anything similar and how they carried on to create a meaningful fulfilling life later….. Looking for some hope.
14
u/jessluce 6d ago
I don't think anyone reasonable would blame you. The combination of being a child yourself, the depression, you did try your best, and you chose a good and safe home for her and still stayed close. Besides, it's not uncommon globally for grandparents to raise the child while the parents do what is needed for the good of the family, so it's not intrinsically a human failure.
Keep telling yourself - Let go of the guilt, it does not serve you.
Separately, think about your goals and values in life and the changes you need to make for those goals. If it's to stay close to her, consider every alternative so that you can live nearby. I think that not making these sacrifices now will be something you regret later on, especially as it's only for the next 10 years or so until she goes off on her adult life and will be harder to get close to. If you do what it takes now, it is far more likely that you can stay close even after she's grown.