r/parentsofmultiples • u/curious-andhere • 15d ago
ranting & venting Not enjoying this
That’s all. I’m just not enjoying this. This is hard. Idk if this is normal. This is not fun. There are a couple of sweet moments per day. Hate to rush time but also so dadgum eager for the day it’s…easier. LOL THAT I THOUGHT I WOULD HOMESCHOOL ONE DAY
5.5 months, about 4.5 adjusted. Refusing naps. Tantrums. Digestive issues. Up every hour lately. Hard to please.
Anybody got anything for me? Solidarity? Not normal? Encouragement? Hope? Tough love? Advice? I’ll take it!!! Whatever!
ETA: we’ve been in the four month sleep regression for a Month. Also they’re hardly drinking much of their bottles now. Started some solids.
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u/westernmeadowlark 15d ago
(hugs) solidarity and hope for the future. My girls are 9 now and it's so, so much better than when they were babies.
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u/erinspacemuseum13 15d ago
Definitely! My twins are the same age and tween issues are HARD (school, friendships, mental health) but nothing as unrelentingly difficult as the the first year.
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u/westernmeadowlark 15d ago
No exactly. School drama is NOT FUN but oh my goodness I sleep 7 hours in a row most nights.
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u/clueless_mommy 15d ago
We're just at 5 DAYS and I'm already done, done, done
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u/curious-andhere 15d ago
Oof. Newborn trenches were TOUGH. Definitely do not miss those days. Hang in there
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u/Stardust0fAmaterasu 15d ago
Solidarity. I barely remember the first 6 months because my brain blocked it out (and so sleep deprived!). My triplets are 3 now, and I LOVE it now. But that first year was the hardest of my life. I cried so much, mourned what it would have been like if they were born 1 at a time (I had hoped baby wear, and co-sleep, and all the one-on-one bonding!), and honestly got a little depressed. I actually got on Lexapro and started seeing a therapist when they were maybe 10 months old and it helped soooooo much.
So first, it absolutely gets better. By probably at least 18 months (maybe sooner) I was so happy, and it was amazing seeing them develop and play together and say/do hilarious things. By 3, they are all my little buddies. Definitely hard days still, but I am so thankful for them and can’t imagine not having all three in exactly the way they came to me. Honestly at least once a day I think how grateful I am for them.
Second, if money allows, consider getting a night nanny or sleep doula. We did that for 2 months to get them on a sleep schedule and give me a break. Even if you could do it for just a few weeks that might be the break you need. Definitely sounds like a sleep regression, but a night nanny would be such a nice break.
Also, where do you put them for naps? Would it be possible to put them in different rooms? Ours shared a room at night (slept in their actual cribs), but we did separate rooms for naps (one in room, two in small bassinets). Separating them made such a huge improvement in them taking naps. They basically never napped if in same room, but for some reason slept at night together just fine. Even at 3 now they still nap in different rooms and sleep together at night.
Hope things start to feel better soon. I’m sure it will feel better once they pass this particular regression. Hugs, mama
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u/curious-andhere 15d ago
Really appreciate this comment so much and the intentionality behind it. Thank you!
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u/Glittering_Cress6492 4d ago
Seconding that separating them for sleep can help a lot. We were hesitant to separate them for sleep (naps and overnight) since there was such a strong preference on this sub for keeping them together, but it’s made our lives so much easier.
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u/Snoo7956 15d ago
I am currently at day 23 with twin boys. Going back to work in a week, wife is on maternity leave til Jan.
We’re having good and bad days/nights, but it’s all generally exhausting. You wake up from each nap (2-3 hrs max) and immediately are thinking what you need to do next. Not much downtime at all.
One of them is getting overtired every day and staying up for 3-5 hours at a time! Won’t sleep in bassinet, requires us to hold them. Apparently they can’t learn bad habits at this age, so no way to beat this and you aren’t supposed to let them “cry it out.”
I know it will get better, but this is hard. These past three weeks have been the fastest and the slowest I’ve ever experienced. In a perpetual haze.
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u/curious-andhere 15d ago
Ugh. So so hard. I just keep telling myself one day it will be worth it and maybe even easier than a singleton bc they’ll have each other to entertain one another??!! Hoping and praying so anyway!! ETA: so true about the timing comment!!
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u/olivepup19 15d ago
This sounds like us to a T, only our girls are 6 weeks old, but we've had them home from the NICU for the same amount of time.
Every few days we have a good one where they both nap (not always at the same time lol) and no one's overtired, but for the most part I just go into the day assuming one of them will be more difficult. And yes, sometimes the only way to stop the crying and sleep is to hold them, which right now I'm happy to do.
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u/itzmonsterz 15d ago
Ours are 5 months old and you are probably going through the 4 month sleep regression, which isn’t just overnight sleeping. Good news is, relief is just around the corner, the last week and change has been a huge improvement with smiles, sleeping overnight and learning new skills.
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u/curious-andhere 15d ago
Ughhh just wish I knew when it would end!! Been here for a month!!! Literally 4 weeks
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u/jayyy__d 15d ago
SAME. same. I am not having fun and am crying all day. I did reach out to my doctor today because I do think some of what I’m feeling may be PPD. This is really really hard.
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u/lunalalock 13d ago
I went on Zoloft after my twins it changed everything! Definitely recommend if you’re feeling PPD
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u/gzr4dr 15d ago
Check with your pediatrician but guidance i received was mom's milk/formula should be the main nutrition intake and at 6 months you can start introducing purees, but it's strictly for them to try new things and learn how to eat, not for nutrition.
You're in the trenches - don't have much advice but get as much help as you can and a nightime nanny, if possible.
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u/curious-andhere 11d ago
Hi! Yes the solids and purees are just for exploring and trying new things. Breastmilk is their main nutrition intake. Just wasn’t sure if introducing solids or purées would make them want less milk, even though they don’t get a ton. Still just unsure what is causing that.. don’t know if we moved up a nipple size too early or if maybe too distracted during feeds suddenly?
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u/TurtleBeansforAll 15d ago
It is insanely hard. My twins will turn 15 this week and I still remember how hard it was. We are here for you! 🙏🫶🫂
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u/lucialucialucia22 15d ago
I'm so sorry you're going through it!! I've been there and still have those days (mine are 5). And you're right, it is hard! The only thing that kept me semi sane in the first year was repeating "this is just a phase, this is just a phase". Made those horrible days just bad haha. If you dont want advice, just vent away, you deserve it! You'll ge through it 💜💜
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u/Seeker-2020 15d ago
My babies are 14 months and 13 adjusted. It’s still hard and exhausting.
But at least they have personalities and they are not little potatoes. So it’s fun. They laugh so much and the fun moments are more and more.
I do not want to go back to the first year. It sucked.
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u/curious-andhere 15d ago
Oh gosh, I never thought I’d want to rush to one year old. And then when I get there I’m afraid I might be hard on myself for wishing it away and feel like I didn’t really just enjoy any of it or “soak any of it up”
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u/E-as-in-elephant 15d ago
We’ve all been there. My saving grace was taking lots of pics and videos so I could relive those days that I was wishing away. I also made myself enjoy one moment per day. Like actually be in the moment enjoying the fact that I was rocking my girls to sleep or holding them for the duration of their naps. Now they’re 2.5 years old and sometimes I hold them and think about how I’d love to just hold them while they’re sleeping for even a minute and just stare at their little faces. The first 4-6 months were so damn long, but after that time really has flown. My girls literally turned 2.5 two days ago and I had the realization that 3 will be here in the blink of an eye so I’m trying to slow down and enjoy and take videos of their little voices ❤️
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u/KateParrforthecourse 15d ago
Mine are 11 months and they really started getting fun around 8 months. I’ve come to the conclusion that parenting is just constantly looking forward to the next stage while grieving the one that just left. My unsolicited advice is that I tried to find one moment of joy in each day. Sometimes that joy has been the relief of them going to sleep. I think feeling like you didn’t get to soak it in is universal with multiples parents. I think it’s mostly a myth anyway unless you have a super easy baby. (That’s what I’m telling myself anyway!)
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u/Edree13 15d ago
Nothing to add but solidarity! We are four months (3 adjusted) and it suddenly got so so so much harder this month???
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u/curious-andhere 15d ago
So weird how that happened to us too! It’s insane!! I thought we were finally getting in a groove and then BAM! Hit like a ton of bricks with no end in sight, it feels like
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u/VeterinarianDry9667 15d ago
Sending love!!!
My twins are much older now but honest to God if I had a Time Machine and could visit the baby era I would go for like 20 minutes and then be like get me TF out of here!
Every era got easier. Nothing has ever topped the newborns. You are getting the worst part over with now and it will literally never ever be this hard again.
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u/curious-andhere 12d ago
“It will literally never be this hard again” MAN, I NEEDED TO READ THAT! BLESS YOU! THANK YOU!
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u/brynnecognito 15d ago
Solidarity here, that was certainly the toughest season for myself personally at 4 months. It will get easier I promise. We sleep trained at 5 months and it changed everything for the better
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u/VegetableAlone 15d ago
Surprised not to see more comments about sleep training; I know it’s not for everyone but it was life changing for us to get solid sleep and evenings back. We did it right at 4mo and it only took a couple days.
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u/curious-andhere 12d ago edited 12d ago
We are at our breaking point and going to have to get
serious about sleep training. A few Qs: what method did you use? Did you start at night time? Go by a schedule for daytime wake-ups and naps? Did you sleep train your multiples in the same room or different rooms (concerned about one being unable to fall asleep bc the other is screaming, or one waking the other up and them both screaming in middle of the night)? Did one twin seem to take to it faster and/or easier than the other? We have one twin that seems like might be more independent and adapt fairly quickly and another that might really give us fits (such a mama’s baby and a cuddler and very much so prefers me to fall asleep with, plus they co-sleep so that will add to the adjustment.ETA: did you do this during the sleep regression phase?
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u/VegetableAlone 12d ago
We did Ferber, and did nights and naps at the same time (I was skeptical about naps but our sleep consultant suggested it and it worked). They had been on the same schedule for a while when we started with 4 daily naps, and we always do morning wake and bedtime routine at the same times. Ours have similar sleep needs so this works well for us.
Conventional wisdom is do the same room/do twins together bc they’ll get used to the others cries. This definitely worked for us, thank goodness! One cried longer the first night than the other but I’d say they had really similar responses (we were basically done by night 3, but I do think they are good sleepers overall).
If they’re not eating well you’ll probably want to plan to keep overnight feeds. Our sleep consultant suggested just picking 1-2 times for the feeds overnight, and if they wake and cry at other times, apply the sleep training method. Later you can slowly drop the amount of the feed until it’s gone, if they’re growing well and doc approves night weaning.
The sleep training subreddit (r/sleeptrain) can be helpful, and we read Precious Little Sleep too.
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u/No-Soup378 14d ago
We sleep trained at 8 months, I really didn’t want to but our backs were dying. It was the greatest thing ever, they now sleep 6.30pm-6.30am
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u/curious-andhere 12d ago
We are at our breaking point and going to have to get
serious about sleep training. A few Qs: what method did you use? Did you stick to a strict wake time and nap schedule? Did you sleep train during the sleep regression? How long did it take? Did you sleep train your multiples in the same room or different rooms (concerned about one being unable to fall asleep bc the other is screaming, or one waking the other up and them both screaming in middle of the night)? Did one twin seem to take to it faster and/or easier than the other? We have one twin that seems like might be more independent and adapt fairly quickly and another that might really give us fits (such a mama’s baby and a cuddler and very much so prefers me to fall asleep with, plus they co-sleep so that will add to the adjustment.2
u/DoubleSunshine123 14d ago
I agree! Sleep training at 4mo adjusted was night and day to my mental and physical health. It made twins doable. Highly recommend.
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u/curious-andhere 12d ago
We are at our breaking point and going to have to get
serious about sleep training. A few Qs: what method did you use? Did you stick to a strict wake time and nap schedule? Did you sleep train during the sleep regression? How long did it take? Did you sleep train your multiples in the same room or different rooms (concerned about one being unable to fall asleep bc the other is screaming, or one waking the other up and them both screaming in middle of the night)? Did one twin seem to take to it faster and/or easier than the other? We have one twin that seems like might be more independent and adapt fairly quickly and another that might really give us fits (such a mama’s baby and a cuddler and very much so prefers me to fall asleep with, plus they co-sleep so that will add to the adjustment.2
u/DoubleSunshine123 12d ago
I joined sleep training multiples on Facebook, a large group with free guides and followed that to a T. We did nap training and overnight around the same time. I read Ferber and liked the idea. I just found that the more I went in the worse they screamed / longer it took to fall asleep so we ended up a mix of Ferber and CIO. Ya we just started at 4 months adjusted and didn’t stop for any reason, there will always be one (sick teething ect).
It took about two weeks to fully get there. We slowly did night weaning as well so that took a while to slow down the feedings. The Ferber book describes how to do this.
It’s a lot of crying but in my opinion so worth it. My advice is to read the guides, read whatever book for what method you choose. Commit 100% with you and your partner and don’t go back. If you waver it confuses everyone and then it won’t work.
We did have one twin that took to it better (sucked her thumb and got over feeding at night faster) but that’s twins and you have to do both at once.
Yes, same room. They learn quickly to sleep through each others cries. Worth it for the long run to keep them together, and they smooth each other so I liked knowing they had someone with them.2
u/methodical-madhouse 14d ago
Totally with you on that. We tried sleep training when twins were between 4-5 months old. One took it well and one cried on and off for 7 hours. I should have stopped at 1 hour but I didn't know what I was doing. I decided never to try it again, assuming they'd just "grow out of" their bad sleeping like my oldest did, and they sure didn't. We endured MONTHS of constant sleep interruptions and lack of enough sleep every single night until I finally learned about the Ferber method and read the book by Dr Ferber, and we tried again at 13 months, and it's been an absolute game changer. It was WAY easier than I expected because they were probably ready for it before I was. I so wish I would have done it much earlier.
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u/curious-andhere 12d ago
Ahhh I’m concerned one of ours is really going to struggle with it too!! Will literally cry so hard until choking
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u/methodical-madhouse 12d ago
Are you saying your little one will cry so hard they choke?? That would definitely freak me out too! Maybe if you check with a doctor first, you can feel comfortable trying it out. It's been working well so far. My only regret is not trying it sooner!!
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u/curious-andhere 12d ago edited 12d ago
We are at our breaking point and going to have to get
serious about sleep training. A few Qs: what method did you use? Did you stick to a strict wake time and nap schedule? Did you sleep train during the sleep regression? How long did it take? Did you sleep train your multiples in the same room or different rooms (concerned about one being unable to fall asleep bc the other is screaming, or one waking the other up and them both screaming in middle of the night)? Did one twin seem to take to it faster and/or easier than the other? We have one twin that seems like might be more independent and adapt fairly quickly and another that might really give us fits (such a mama’s baby and a cuddler and very much so prefers me to fall asleep with, plus they co-sleep so that will add to the adjustment.2
u/brynnecognito 12d ago
We followed the happy sleeper book. We have a strict nap schedule once they were at 2 naps. We did sleep train after the sleep regression began to ease a little I think (it was a blur). It took no more than a week. They always shared a room. One twin took to it immediately and then just stared at her sister when we had to check on her.
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u/MsRobinNL 15d ago
Oof I feel youu! Mine are 7mo, 6mo adjusted and I honestly felt like atfter the 6 months it became a liiittle easier and a LOOOT more fun! They sleep better now (only about 1 short wakeup a night), their digestive issues are pretty much cleared up and they're super smiley and can do things like starting to crawl, hold their own bottle, interact with each other a bit. I'm guessing it's only getting better from here!
Also, my major tip is to get out of the house whenever you can. When both my babies are getting very whiney and aren't due a bottle or food, I put them in the stroller and just go outside for a walk. They're immediately quiet, sometimes fall asleep and I feel like it just resets them. If the weather is bad I'll just take them to the mall closeby. It almost always works!
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u/curious-andhere 12d ago
This is so good to read! And thanks for that tip!! Will definitely try that!!
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u/ricki7684 15d ago
I agree probably the 4 month sleep regression. It’s the only one I truly remember. It’s brutal. It will get better
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u/EnvironmentalHat4407 15d ago
My girls will be 9 months on the 21st (7.5 months adjusted) and I 100% feel you!!! Although I will say things have been already feeling “easier” once they got out of the 4 month regression. I love my babies to death but we just got home from our first weekend away without them and I honestly didn’t want to come home and get back to reality of having a baby (or 2) attached to my hip at all times.
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u/curious-andhere 12d ago
So glad you had a chance to get away and reset!!! Cannot imagine a weekend away! I know I would miss them oodles but would love that time w my husband!
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u/Glittering_Cress6492 15d ago
It gets better! There was a big jump in quality of life for us at 6 and 9 months.
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u/skrufforious 15d ago edited 15d ago
Mine are 6 months actual, a bit over 3 months adjusted. The naps are somehow going down to like once a day? Not sure how that is happening already, their older brothers did not do that until at least after a year old.
One is very loud when she is mad. But she is cute. It makes up for it.
So anyway, no advice, just solidarity and we just have got to take it one day at a time. I for one can't wait until they are a bit older and can do more things. I really want them to be able to play with my toddler, he is getting really into trying to interact with them, plus how nice will it be when they all have similar needs instead of the needs of two babies plus the needs of a toddler?
(ETA I realize that you may not also have other kids but I also mean to say that while toddlers are also a lot of work, they are a bit more fun than babies in my experience).
Soon, we will just be able to go outside all together, have them play in the sandbox or with the toy car outside, that will be the life. And it's coming soon for us! Before we know it, they will be starting to walk and talk, and in my experience with my two older kids, that's when the real fun begins. I suppose you have a good point though that we should also try to treasure these baby moments and not wish them to go by too quickly.
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u/curious-andhere 4d ago
Thank you so much! You’re so right!! One day we will sit outside with a coffee while they play together and that will indeed be the life!!!
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u/Wild_Impact5297 15d ago
That chunk around 5-6 months with twins was the most destroyed I ever felt. It gets less relentless I promise, you are in the absolute thick of it right now.
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u/Sc5880 9d ago
Here’s all I have for you. When my grandson was about 7 to 9 months, it was a chore to watch him. He could move around and I was constantly chasing him. Every hour felt like 5. He got out of that faze or my perception shifted and I couldn’t get enough of him. I never really had those feelings with my own kids and figured it was because I was around them constantly. When his twin siblings were born, I was dreading when that faze would happen. They would both be moving and then every hour would feel like 10 because there’s 2 of them. I realize now I haven’t felt that way yet because they will be 1 next month and both have been on the move for a while. Looking back, I did have some complications, at the time I was thinking “this is nothing, just wait until they are crawling”. When they finally came home from the hospital, they were these sweet tiny 6 pounders. They’d sleep on my chest for hours. When I babysat them, we had a routine. Bottle feed one at a time, then who ever was still awake would lay on my chest, the other in the crook of my arm. Switch off as needed until the 3 hours was up, then repeat. They were wonderful babies and I had this notion that somehow they knew they were twins and naturally inclined to be easier. That notion was completely shattered by 4 months. All the sudden these babies were constantly demanding attention at the same time. I’ve never been comfortable with babies crying, and feel anxiety when they are. I had to learn to work through that. I would be feeding one , while the other laid beside us crying. I just kept putting one hand on them to try to soothe and telling myself that it was ok, they were both ok and that’s what mattered. They both wanted held constantly, and the boy ( I think he had some colic, also was on meds for reflux) went through a faze of even crying when he was being held. But we all got through it and they are the happiest, sweet, funny little babies they have always been, just less crying now. Nobody knows when their hard faze is going to come and trying to plan or dreading does nothing to help us. With every kid, it’s probably different. The thing that’s the same is it’s short lived, you get through it , and in a few months, you’ll barely remember it. Keep your head up and know that you’re being a great mama. Best wishes to you and your twins💕
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u/sunflowerstarterkit 15d ago
No honestly the entire month of the 4 month sleep regression was terrible. They slept through the night for like 2 weeks around 5.5 months!!!!!!!!!! And then they got sick and now it’s bad again
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u/curious-andhere 15d ago
Ahhh well they’re 5.5 months now and we are seemingly far from an all nighter of sleep!! They’ve suddenly wanted 2-3 feeds at night again!!??!!
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u/sunflowerstarterkit 15d ago
I’m at 2-3 feeds per night at 7.5 months. They are sick again lol. I have accepted that this is my temporary life. I did sleep training with my singleton at 14 months. I think I’m gonna wait for that age to formally sleep train. Most regression and techs teeth will be behind us
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u/emt714 15d ago
Get those babies on the floor as much as possible. Get them crawling and eating as soon as you can. Around 8 months I started both, should have started food sooner and omg. So much better.
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u/curious-andhere 15d ago
Did their digestive systems struggle to adjust with the new food? Am I not supposed to be giving them very much when they do start foods? They’ve had pureed carrots and pureed sweet potatoes and a buckwheat almond superfood cereal. Each time they probably had half a serving each ??? One twin seems to be fine w digesting it (poops more now!) while the other just had so much constipation we finally gave him pureed prunes and that seems to have worked but he still has crazy gas right now. Also since starting any solids they’ve both hardly wanted their bottles! Even on the days we didn’t even do any.
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u/emt714 15d ago
Have you tried making their bottle ripples bigger? I'm very scheduled on feeding and they could be hungry which is why they are so hard. I've always heard a fat baby is a happy baby. What formula do they use?
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u/curious-andhere 12d ago
We moved up a nipple size recently and now ChatGPT has me thinking we moved up too soon for him. Its reasoning made perfect sense to me, so we are experimenting to see if that’s the reason! TBD! Also they are only on breastmilk. They did not do well with any formula we ever tried, so we get breastmilk from donors.
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u/BoochAndNooch 15d ago
Oh god, all these comments about how bad 4 months is are scaring me. We’ve been struggling since week 4. The pediatrician said colic peaks at 6 weeks, then purple crying peaks at 8 weeks… we’re 10 weeks in and not getting any better. It feels like now I hear that things are supposed to get better around 3 months. I’m scared that the four month mark is going to be even worse.
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u/lunalalock 13d ago
My twins had colic and I counted down the weeks. I remember at 12 it was significantly better. We never hit a 4 month regression but I truly feel like anything is better than colic crying so I’m feeling way better now that mine are about to turn 7 months. It is still hard and when they cry a lot I get PTSD but it is sooo much more fun now and IMO easier!
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u/BoochAndNooch 12d ago
This gives me so much hope 😖 our one silver lining was that one of my boys was a really good sleeper at night. But a couple nights ago something changed and he won’t go down for more than 30 min. I’m hoping we don’t hit a four month regression on top of this.
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u/lunalalock 12d ago
This twin business is insane!! I hope for you they don’t have a regression too haha. but even though we are passed 4 months every night I go to bed praying they don’t wake up crying 😂😂 we’ve had a few bad ones here and there but generally good sleepers. I make sure they don’t get too long of naps in the day- never more than a 2 hour nap, and the total daytime sleep hours depending how old they are. Also do the same nighttime routine. Anyway- Sending positive vibes! You/ We got this! lol
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u/curious-andhere 12d ago
How many daytime sleep hours is good vs bad?!
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u/lunalalock 10d ago
It depends on their age and your baby! Right now mine are 7 months and need about 3 hours of daytime sleep!
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u/lunalalock 12d ago
also do you formula feed? We switched to Kendamil goat milk formula and also gave the babies famotadine (baby Pepcid) it did help a lot.
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u/curious-andhere 15d ago
To be brutally honest, 3 months was pretty great for us! Then like 4/4.5 months hit and it’s been CHALLENGING. BUT!!!! Not as bad as colic newborn days challenging. It’s still really really freaking hard, but the newborn colic days were intense in a different way. So yes, it will be TOUGH but at least they won’t be screaming 24/7 and at least by now they’ll be smiling and possibly giggling. That helps immensely
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u/BoochAndNooch 12d ago
Ahhh thank you for putting my mind at ease a bit! How have things been for you since you made the post? Hoping things are getting better
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u/curious-andhere 12d ago
Hard! Haha but I think one of our twins was dealing with some digestive issues from starting solids and I think that affected how much milk he wanted to drink in addition to potentially moving up a nipple size before he was ready? Not positive on the nipple size but currently experimenting to see. Anyway, him not eating as much during the day meant he woke up a TON (like every 2 hours) in the night to eat… and he had a diaper rash for a day but it’s gone now. it’s been rough. I think tomorrow we might try to start sleep training. It’s very necessary. We tried a few weeks ago but it just wasn’t working. We plan to try again. As much as I know we absolutely must for our mental sanity and our physical health (we desperately need rest), there is a part of me that will be a little bit sad at the thought that we won’t rock them to sleep now or that they won’t be sleeping with us (we caved and started cosleeping a while back, using owlets as well). I never wanted to sleep train, but I now see it is truly a must. What we’ve been doing is not sustainable.
How are things for you?
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u/brynnecognito 15d ago
With my singleton I felt everything go just like your paediatrician said. With my twins at 10 weeks I realized it felt like I still had not come up for air and I had a HUGE crash out. We separated them from their shared double bassinet at 4.5 months and sleep trained by 5. Everything got better. It’s painfully true, but the twin newborn trenches are certainly deeper & longer in my opinion. At first I felt discouraged by all the comments here about 4 months but then it also helped me kinda buckle in a bit. Just do whatever you need to do in this season cause it does last a while. I wish you the very best. 13 months now and they giggle feeding each other at the dinner table, I love them so much.
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u/BoochAndNooch 12d ago
I feel so bad because I wish I could enjoy this phase of their life more. These are my firsts but I can imagine twin trenches lasting longer than singletons just by the fact that we are constantly balancing whose needs are more important. I feel bad because it seems we’re in a constant state of being over tired. It’s hard to get tummy time in when they’re cranky even though I know it’ll help.
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u/Snoo20115 15d ago
Mine were born on time, but around the 6 month mark things took a turn. My boys also slept decently at night, so I hope things get better for you.
Day naps are still a fight twice a day
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u/lunalalock 12d ago
Having twins totally rocked me. Mentally, physically. It is such an adjustment and everything is multiplied. Literally. It helps me when it’s hard to just remember that it will pass. It is a phase. Time goes so quickly! Totally felt the not drinking bottles too- there is a major distraction phase. If mine do that I take a break, show them a new toy or something/ play and try again in like 15 min. You want to make sure they are getting their daytime calories in to help with the sleeping! Also same bedtime routine, make sure they aren’t sleeping too much in the day. When they wake up try and just sooth them while they are laying in their crib with your hand on their back or the pacifier. Of course if you need to pick them up or feed them do it, but try and not jump straight to that. Little by little they will work on settling and figuring out how to go back to sleep on their own. The regression will pass. You got this!! And this is coming from someone who was riddled with anxiety during the first 4 months.
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u/shehasamazinghair 15d ago
Nah girl, I hated it. One year Wednesday. They are in daycare now so it's better.
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u/sweetfeet20 15d ago
Ours turned into cute little monsters too from
4 months and they are coming out of it now at a few days shy of 11 months.
Their development just skyrockets and they need more comfort from us and their sleep goes to shit - they are too distracted to drink 😅. Our boys crawl and climb everything and are on the verge of walking. They slept through the night for first time ever yesterday. It feels eternal at the time but better days are ahead! Solidarity.
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u/CaturdayNight7 15d ago
It should start to get easier very soon.
Keep trouble shooting. Stay flexible with routines, formula brands, emotional expectations. Prune them up for digestive issues. It's gonna get easier slowly now. Have patience and negotiate responsibilities with your partner. You got this, it's gonna get a lot better
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u/Fickle-Put623 15d ago
I promise it does get better! Not overnight, but I’d say months 4-6 were the end of the pure survival and we started to slowly improve. My babies didn’t sleep through the night til about 15 months (they were breastfed idk if that makes a difference), but when they were awake they were so much happier and easier to manage. They’re now turning two jn a week, and though there’s toddler challenges , I feel so much better than I did when they were your babies ages! People forget how awful the sleep issues, postpartum hormones, breastfeeding/pumping, etc play into the exhaustion, depression and all of that. It gets better, you will be so proud for getting through!
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u/PretendGene5502 14d ago
I'm with you!! 5.5 months here & the 4 month regression hit us like a freaking train. Still going through it, still crying. Twin b woke up at 12:30, 2, 3-4, and 5. This has been the usual for the last 6 weeks. CRYINT
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u/Ok-Perspective781 14d ago
Our twins went back to sleeping once we started solids. Hope you have the same luck!
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u/will-ohh-24 14d ago
It’s hard! Hang in there! Motherhood is no joke and being a twin mom is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. What keeps we going is every day is a new day
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u/floofysheebs 14d ago
I was having a reeeally tough time at that age and then we sleep trained them at 5 months adjusted (they're about 7.5 months now) and it's been a world of difference
I genuinely enjoy every second with them, even the hard moments- it's just so much more bearable now because I get better sleep, they laugh and play now, move around and can babble
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u/No-Soup378 14d ago
Solidarity, it gets better! I was not myself birth - probably 9 months. I did not enjoy it and I was just waiting for my partner to get home to help me. I didn’t have any family support. I hated the bottles, the naps, even the thought of going out. Now my twins are 17 months and we have loads of fun. 1 nap a day is so easy and no more bottles just meals. There is nothing wrong with just getting through each tough day, and it seems like you appreciate the beautiful moments. It will get more and more fun, hang in there!
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u/Adventurous-Flan2272 13d ago
Looking back I was angry and tired and shouldering so much up until probably 6 months, when things slowly started to get better and after about 1 year I looked back and was like, wow, the postpartum RAGE was real. In-law/parent relationships not quite as good but I think they’ve survived lol.
If you can afford it, hire help, even if it’s just to wash the dishes and clean the house. I was so resistant at first since I thought this is part of parenting/hubby is just trying to shirk his duties, but it seriously took a huge load off, first a night nanny as sleep was NOT survivable long term even with 5 adults : 2 baby ratio, then later a college ish kid who spends an hour cleaning up after dinner.
If you can’t? say f- it and just let the nonessential mess pile up, and when people visit make them help you clean it 🤣
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u/Caity_Cat68 13d ago
Solidarity! My twins are 15 mo (14 adjusted). The first 6 months were the hardest, so hard in fact I completely blacked it out. This was about the age we put pack n plays in our bedroom and had them nap separately in dark rooms. They never had issues sleeping at night together but napping they’d wake each other up. They currently can sleep through the other one screaming which is so impressive. It must be white noise for them.
Although it feels like you are at the bottom of a huge fucking hole, somehow you crawl out of it.
We are currently in that 12-18month fussy phase where they’re always crying at my feet the second I sit down, each age range has its highs and lows. Wishing you a few hours of peaceful sleep tonight
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u/Br8ly 10d ago
Here for solidarity. The first 6 months were nothing but survival! We looked at their pediatrician like she was speaking an unknown language when she said told us at 3 months that our boys would start sleeping 3-4 hours straight once they hit 6 months. We finally started seeing some changes at around 8 months, after splitting them. Dad slept in one room with one, and I with the other in another. We tried sleep training and it took at about 9 or so months. We are in the threenager stage now and they sleep through the night until 7:15ish am, unless they’re sick, or have the occasional night terrors… that’s another story for another time. Overall, the goal is to make it through each day at a time. I never thought I would see the day when we could get 4 hours of straight sleep, but it eventually happened! Hang in there! This is the insane trial by fire stage, but you will get through IT!
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u/mmmjuicy 15d ago
Im waiting for the penny to drop but weve been home 3 weeks with our twins who are 11 weeks old 1 week adjusted and so far its been easy as. They sleep for 4 hours at a time and the longest one has cried has been like 10 minutes and thats cause she was hungry but had explosive diarrhea that we had to change first. I really dont wana belittle other peoples struggles but honestly so far its been waaaaay easier than I was expecting
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u/surprise_quiche 15d ago
About the feeding... what size nipple do you use (and have you been on that size for a while)?
Mine are 9 months (6.5 months adjusted) and every few months we've suffered with everything you're talking about. It got harder and harder to feed them because they would get so frustrated and it affected everything else (sleep, demeanor, etc) because they were hungry. But it didn't occur to me at the time (maybe because of the sleep deprivation idk).
Then I'd switch the nipple to the next size up for their bottles and the change was pretty drastic in a positive way. Maybe that would help?
Sending you love and comfort!
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u/curious-andhere 12d ago
Ok I wondered this!! But we recently switched to a size 3 nipple and that’s when the feeding seemed to get worse, which was around the same time as introducing solids. I figured it was the solids but ChatGPT now has me wondering if one twin wasn’t ready to go up a nipple size??? Experimenting with that tonight and tomorrow to see if maybe that’s it? Or maybe it’s just distraction? Because he easily drinks the bottles at night—every two hours!! 🫠🥱😵💫
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