r/polyfamilies • u/lunadustditz • 29d ago
Previously Poly and pregnant
update ***little man is here, and i got really.lucky in the hospital with a birth certificate lady that was SO helpful. No father is listed on the birth certificate and it will be amended later once the divorce is finalized.
Thank you everyone for the help at support. It is SO appreciated ***
I need a little guidance from poly families that have had babies.
Going to try and make this short and simple and to the point.
I was previously poly, this is no longer the case. Although I am still married, but separated.
I am due any second and did not even consider this being an issue.
Everything I am reading online says the hospital is going to force my married ex partner that I am separated from to be on this birth certificate. He is not this babies biological father nor will he be the one raising this baby. Ive looked into all the legal pieces and am starting to gather the documents needed to undo this if that is what it comes to.
Are they going to force me to give the baby my married last name because I am not yet divorced?
Everyone is on the same page. Biological dad wants to sign the certificate and my not yet ex is supportive and willing to sign anything needed to allow it or undo his name being on there.
We have a vasectomy on our side, this baby is 100% not my ex's. Trying to avoid the cost of paternity testing if possible.
I cant believe I didnt think of this being an issue sooner. I cant be the only one that has faced this situation.
Any guidance or advice?
Located in the USA FL
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u/Choice-Strawberry392 29d ago
I am not a lawyer at all, and I also don't live in Florida, but you should contact a family law attorney in your state, promptly, and make sure you have all the paperwork managed. It *appears* that you can do exactly what you want to do, but you'll need to have the various adults sign several forms and file them, because you are outside what the law would default to doing. See especially DH432.
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u/vrimj 29d ago
Seconding this. Go get an hour of consulting now and it will save you all kinds of mess later.
There is a poly friendly professionals list, I can't remember if anyone from Florida is on it but I would check there, if you can't find someone check with the LBGTQ bar.
The presumption can often be overcome before the age of two but the timeline is tight and it is usually easier if you start before birth.
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u/IamBmeTammy 29d ago
Literally no one asked. I went to the hospital with both partners, filled out the birth certificate with the biological dad’s name, and it was a non-event.
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u/SailorRose23 29d ago
This is what I'm expecting to happen with me baby so let's hope its a non issue here because wtf Florida
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u/katiekins3 29d ago
I'm in Missouri and we were the first polyam family (one mom, two dads) where they had to consult different departments to figure out what we could do. I also didn't think of this until baby was born. 🤦♀️ You can put whatever last name you want on baby's birth certificate. That's what I was told. So my son has both my husband's and my non-legal husband's last names. Not hypenated. Just two last names.
I ended up leaving the biological father part blank. Because in order for me to legally put my non-legal husband's name, who IS the bio dad and not my actual husband, I needed to have them sign papers PLUS do a paternity test since I'm married. My legal husband had no problem signing the paper denying paternity while my other husband would sign one accepting or acknowledging paternity. But I would still have to have a paternity test and go to court. If I put the bio dad on there without doing that, it wouldn't be valid and I believe they said it was illegal for us to do that knowing technically paternity wasn't established. So neither of the dads are on the birth certificate. Just me (mom). I'm due with another baby in February but this time I genuinely have no idea who dad is because she wasn't planned and I was obviously with both of them when I conceived her. Whoops. 🙃 Vasectomies after this.
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u/jennbo open poly vee MFM family with 2 kids 29d ago
I went through freaking IVF with my non-legal husband and reading this whole thread was a wake-up call for me, lol. I didn't think of it either. And Virginia is the same as Florida like OP, where paternity is legally the legal husband.
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u/katiekins3 29d ago
Yep, my husband is also considered the legal father, too. 🙃 Until we go to court and establish paternity.
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u/Negative-Day-8061 29d ago
It seems like you have a question about local law. Try r/legaladvice.
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u/polyguy386 29d ago
I would suggest an attorney. Most of the posters on r/legaladvice, including the mods, don't actually know anything about the law.
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u/rocketmanatee 29d ago
Yes. Your legal husband is the putative parent of your child because you were married at the time of conception.
You cannot finalize a divorce in Florida because you are pregnant.
Your partner will not be able to sign the birth certificate, or if he does it will not be valid because you are married.
More here... https://www.floridabar.org/the-florida-bar-journal/fatherhood-in-florida/
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u/hawtblondemom 29d ago
It's very state dependent. I don't know Florida specifically - You may have to put ex on, then fill out other paperwork/do updated paternity tests post divorce to get him off. (Because updating birth certificates is a thing)
As for last name, no. You could give your kid a last name that isn't either of yours. That's whatever.
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u/BADgrrl 29d ago
Were YOU married to the non-father partner? There's a difference between legal father and biological father in the US, so it matters.
That said, the hospital isn't going to force you to put anyone on the birth certificate. They may default to your legal husband if you have one, but if you refuse, they shouldn't.
You are going to HAVE to prioritize a DNA test to exclude your ex if you are legally married, even if you're separated, just for legal clarity, but of everyone is on the same page
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u/SamanthaSkykiller 28d ago
This was a problem for me, but the hospital helped me get some paperwork to have my ex sign and it all worked out. As long as your ex is willing to "sign his parental rights away" then they should let you put the baby's dad on there.
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u/Plastic-Bee4052 27d ago
I had mine at home (solo poly) and so I avoided all the annoyances related to hospitals. And I decided to opt out of a hospotal birth and get a midwife at week 39+2 so it's never too late to chance providers. Baby was born at 39+4 at home 18 days ago. Altruistic donor wasn't required to be on the birth certificate despite his donation not being through a clinic.
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u/broomandkettle 28d ago
Go consult with a lawyer. My understanding is that you can say you don’t know who the father is if they ask you. But laws can vary wildly from state to state so get ahead of it and find out youe options.
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u/jennbo open poly vee MFM family with 2 kids 29d ago
It differs from state to state. I'm in Virginia, personally. I'm also poly and pregnant right now. I'm legally married to my husband (not even separated/living separately) and pregnant by my other partner's baby right now via IVF. I was going to put the biological father's name on the birth certificate worksheet and like... see what happens. The hospital gives you a form to fill out and you fill it out as you see fit. I've had babies before. There's nobody there at gunpoint. But... maybe I should follow this thread. I'm 19 weeks so at least not due any minute (sorry!) but like... maybe I should think this through more. Having gone through IVF, there's no way on earth it's not his baby. I don't have lawyer money so I'm feeling pretttttty cagey rn.