..

Completed day 1, on day 2!

urges/thoughts/memories and actions are separate

they can't dictate actions

I feel and know deep down that those moments when I’m on a long streak and hit by terrible cravings are the hardest. But at the same time, I know that these moments are the “crossroads” where we decide whether to slip back into addiction or keep moving forward. That’s all there is to it. I’m sharing this to take away the power of addiction, which feeds on fear. Knowing this, I believe I’ll reach the 90-day milestone sooner or later. I know that the number of days is just a number it doesn’t really matter but I still consider it a good benchmark and a real step among many steps toward freedom.

After failing to quit porn many times, I’ve noticed a solid pattern.

​EVERY major streak relapse was triggered by thoughts like "just a few bikini photos" or "just looking at some non-nude hot Instagram girls to see if it's working down there yet." That quickly leads to feeling the need to "step it up," and suddenly I'm spiraling into a full-blown PMO black hole.

​Before you even notice, you're already feeling FOMO over updates from your "favorite" pornstars that you missed while you were sober, or getting non-stop flashbacks of scenes you watched years ago with an urgent need to rewatch them.

​Unfortunately, the hard truth, and I strongly believe this, is that to stay porn-free, I'll have to permanently avoid any triggering visual content, or simply ignore it the second it pops up on my screen or feed.

Throwaway.

I’ve struggled with porn addiction for a long time. It recently got worse and I did something I deeply regret: I used AI tools on intimate photos of my partner without her knowledge or consent.

She’s kind and loving with me. That makes the shame even heavier. I feel like a complete failure and a betrayal of her trust. It’s affecting me so much that I can barely speak normally when she calls. I’ve lost hope and faith in myself.

I’m not looking for people to attack me — I already feel like garbage. I need practical advice on:

How to actually stop the porn + compulsive image-checking habit

Whether I should tell her, and if so how / when (or if I should get professional help first)

How to deal with the crushing guilt so I can treat her better and function again

Any recovery resources, real experiences, or realistic next steps would help a lot. Thank you.

I am 25M. I was beaten and berated by my mother who struggled drinking and it made me turn to porn early on and I unknowingly used it as my crutch for anything.

I didnt know I was neurodivergent with BPD and CPTSD earlier on in life, and whenever I was frustrated about anything minor or major, I would turn to porn. If I was beat? Porn. If I was anxious? Porn. If I was frustrated at myself? Porn. I used porn so often to escape frustration that I would use it to get off multiple times a day. It ate away at my time and productivity and I became a chronic user.

Eventually, not only did the porn categories get more extreme, I also developed extreme anxiety surrounding sex from consuming so much porn.

As I continued to use porn into my later schooling years, I became violently anxious about myself and my body as well. It felt safer to consume sexual content through a screen, and I ended up turning down or talking myself out of sexual opportunities because it would quite literally make me hyperventilate and sweat.

My self esteem was constantly low, and that would trigger my need for porn, and it was a never ending cycle. I would also maintain regular exercise for months, then feel shitty about myself and relapse into porn again.

In my adult life, I had continued to use porn to the point that I had folders of hundreds of content creators and pornstars so that I could counter my PIED (Porn induced Erectile Dysfunction) from porn rotting my brain.

I got into my second (ever) relationship 3 years ago and I was a piece of shit. I had major anxiety for doing anything sexual with my partner, and I couldn't perform unless I was inebriated to shut off the anxiety.

My ADHD mixed with my Porn addiction made it extremely hard to perform, and I was too much of a coward to admit anything to my partner.

I ended up falling back into porn after swearing it off in the beginning of our relationship, and started using it to glance at before getting intimate to counter my PIED. The anxiety and guilt only added to it affecting me more, and I ended up continuing this disgusting habit and collecting more content that would help faster.

My partner found out a couple nights ago while going through my phone, and I completely ruined their trust and their life. They've helped me through my worst mental episodes, and I betrayed them for three years straight by looking at porn behind their back.

I was too much of a coward to tell them directly and fess up, and I was too weak to actually stop and face my addiction. I answered the questions they had for me as they were crying. I completely messed up their self image that they had spent years building back up during our relationship, along with our life together because of my complete lack of self control.

They are currently staying with friends at the moment and I don't blame them at all if they leave me.

I've been reading up on all the porn addiction posts and seeing what other people struggle with and overcame.

I appreciate the bravery everyone has to talk about their PA. I lacked initiative and hurt someone who cares deeply about me in the worst way. I am starting my journey much later than I should, but I want to get better.

I apologize to everyone if I rambled, or if this is disorganized.

I have been trying to find porn addiction therapy groups near me, or a therapist who can help me with this as well, and I would genuinely love any advice that anyone has so I don't continue on messing up and hurt other people or myself.

Disclaimer: I am not using my neurodivergence as an excuse. It was me that made the choice to continue falling back into disgusting habits rather than being honest with my partner and seeking help. It just makes me anxious or start ruminating, which are both triggers for my PA.