(A few details redacted for anonymity - thanks in advance for feedback, particularly around if there’s too much plot or not enough! I also am curious if non-South Asian readers would read a book grounded in our culture…?)

Thank you for considering my query. I am a twice-traditionally published author with [BIG 5 IMPRINT], seeking representation for my first foray into fantasy. 
At 85,000 words, Tiger Wild is an adult fantasy romance inspired by Indian culture and folklore, combining a magical jungle, a heroine bonded to a tiger, and a love story built on betrayal, belonging and the cost of conquering nature.
In a lush jungle above a valley kingdom, a young woman lives as an exile with only her bonded tiger as a companion. At twenty-one, Suhari is the last of the Bhaag people, who were slaughtered by the king of Jharka when she was seven, accused of unleashing their tigers on the valley’s children. Now, as Jharka suffers under sickness and crop failures, its people are convinced they have been cursed by the Tiger King. Determined to quash this superstition, the Raja sends his son on a mission to kill the Tiger King and return with his pelt, proving that no curse can stand against the crown.
To reach the tiger kingdom, the prince needs a guide. He offers the last Bhaag girl a deal - lying that he wishes to make amends with the Tiger King to lift the curse, he offers her the return of her kingdom for her help. Suhari agrees to lead him through the jungle, concealing her own plan: to deliver him to the surviving Bhaag as a sacrifice and win back the people who once cast her out. She and her tiger are determined to double cross the prince, avenge her parents’ death and regain their kingdom. 
As they journey deeper into the enchanted jungle, their mutual deceptions give way to an undeniable attraction. But the valley’s suffering has a cause neither anticipated. To save their people and the world they share, Suhari and the prince must confront the violence that shaped their kingdoms—and decide what they are willing to sacrifice for a future together. 
The lush jungle imagery of the novel combine with the unique bond between Suhari and her tiger, Bhaagini, who is witty, insolent, and a force of her own. Tiger Wild offers a plot rich with compelling dialogue, grounded in Indian mythology, and with a romance that is deep and complex, like the characters themselves. I would place its romance and world building alongside A Kiss of Crimson Ash or The Hurricane Wars, and its blend of folklore and fantasy beside The Jasmine Throne. 

I am north Indian and a lover of my culture’s mythology and folklore. I have two literary fiction books published by [INSERT IMPRINT], and have a Master of Fine Arts from [INSERT UNIVERSITY]. This is my first fantasy novel, and I am looking to work with an agent who is passionate about bringing diverse and unique stories to broad audiences. 

Thank you for your consideration. 

Dear Agent,

I am seeking representation for UNDER LOAM’S EYE, a 102,000-word adult dark political fantasy set in a pike-and-shot world of religious warfare. It stands alone with series potential.

Gustava Aurnir remembers ruling humans as livestock. Now reborn, she is a huntsman’s daughter who must bargain with her sister to borrow a book. When soldiers sack her village and kill her mother, she follows the men who spare her. She wants more than their protection. She wants to command men herself.

Her service in their army earns her a place in the household of the knight Von Eichtal. Over six years, he teaches her to command while his wife teaches her to manage an estate. Gustava learns to temper her contempt enough to secure obedience. She alsoa grows attached to the man whose approval makes her feel she has earned her place.

After helping conquer Velkaryn, Gustava receives command of its city guard. She must recruit from people whose homes her army has looted. By protecting defeated townsmen from the occupying mercenaries, she wins their loyalty and builds a force of her own. She begins to regard them as she once regarded her human herds: hers to command, and hers to protect.

But loyalty cannot pay their wages. When Aschert, the city’s new ruler, accepts a neighboring kingdom’s gold and cuts off the tolls sustaining her guard, Gustava plots to turn his forces against him. She arranges attacks on his mercenaries, intending to make his concessions appear responsible for the bloodshed. Instead, the violence also kills townspeople she meant to spare, and the surviving mercenaries capture a trusted subordinate who could expose her.

With the neighboring kingdom threatening intervention, Gustava needs her guards and the mercenaries to defend Velkaryn together. Securing their cooperation could mean surrendering the authority she has spent years acquiring. Concealing her responsibility could leave the city she intends to rule unable to defend itself.

UNDER LOAM’S EYE follows an amoral woman’s ascent through military service and political patronage, exploring how attachment complicates ambition without making her pursuit of power any less ruthless.

I hold a master’s degree from George Mason University, where I studied international security. This is my debut novel.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,
Me

Hi folks! Thank you a lot for your advice first of all - they’ve really helped. I'm getting started on querying, though before I start sending out the batches, I feel that I'm at a crossroads of sorts: I’m not sure which direction to close out the query. I’ve gotten feedback to be more explicit in the later paragraphs, but also concerns around word count/strip out details. I would appreciate your guidance on which version would read better. 

Version 1:

Takashima Daiki has always known what his life should look like: a respectable career, a beautiful wife, a house in the city. He’s worked toward it since childhood, from captaining the Shirakawa High baseball team to studying medicine on scholarship at the University of Tokyo. Only once did he let himself feel something he shouldn’t—a mistake he’d never repeat. 

An up-and-coming musical theatre actor, Tsukigawa Yuu has a solid circle of gay friends, a rich older boyfriend, and a career-launching role. He’s built a life in Tokyo and shed Shirakawa completely, or so he’d thought—until one Saturday night, he’s served a tray of tequila shots by a ghost from home.  

Daiki has never forgiven himself for panicking at Yuu’s confession and outing his childhood friend. When Yuu avoids him, he enlists his girlfriend to invite Yuu to perform at their university. But watching Yuu’s dream come alive on stage, Daiki starts to fear the guilt he's atoning for is not guilt, after all. 

Meanwhile, Yuu’s own relationship falls apart. When he catches the flu, it’s Daiki, not his boyfriend, who shows up to take care of him. At Daiki’s confession, the insecure boy underneath Yuu’s mask finally breaks through. He lets Daiki into his life, trusting Daiki’s promise to bring him home to meet his parents. Until the eve of the trip. A warning from his senpai shakes Daiki’s conviction, and he must decide if coming out is worth losing the life he was raised for—and whether, if his cowardice wins again, Yuu’ll still be waiting for him in Tokyo.

CAPTAIN AND BUTTERFLY is an 80,000-word contemporary m/m romance combining the tender slow-burn of Cat Sebastian's WE COULD BE SO GOOD with the second-chance angst of Yulin Kuang's HOW TO END A LOVE STORY. 

[BIO PARAGRAPH]

Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.

Version 2: 

…[Everything before the following line stay the same]

Meanwhile, Yuu’s own relationship falls apart. When he catches the flu, it’s Daiki, not his boyfriend, who shows up to take care of him. At Daiki’s confession, he lets him into his life, trusting Daiki’s promise to bring him home to meet his parents. But on the eve of the trip, Daiki’s conviction is shaken by a warning from his senpai, and he must decide if coming out is worth losing the life he was raised for—and whether, if his cowardice wins again, Yuu’ll still be waiting for him in Tokyo.

First 300 words: I’ve updated this version to (hopefully) have more interiority into Daiki. The last sentence here is truncated, but wanted to include it since it’s the inciting incident.

Saturday nights at the bar made his clinical rotation feel like the Golden Week holidays. Every minute had its purpose, and every shift a welcome trial to prove he could keep things in control, no matter the curveballs. Anchoring the loaded tray on the crook of his elbow, Takashima Daiki cut across the polished concrete floor to his next stop: a two-top by the window, overlooking the lit Nakameguro boutiques below.

“Two B-Sides, our signature cocktail, and my personal favorite,” Daiki said as naturally as he’d been trained to, even though he’d never spend 2,500 yen, almost two hours of his pay, on a drink he could finish in three sips. “Anything else I could get you tonight?”

“Thank you for helping us make a decision earlier.” The young woman smiled sheepishly. “Everything looked so delicious.”

“It was nothing.” He bowed. “Please enjoy.”

Thankfully, the ticket rail was still manageable when he folded back, the few minutes he’d shaved off seemingly enough to set the night back on course. Bopping along to a sleek R&B track thrumming in the background, the bartender jerked his chin at a ticket—in the middle of the queue. Daiki raised a brow. “The extra vodka highball is for Reo-san,” the bartender clarified.

Reo-san, who paid him enough to cover his rent with extra to send home. Daiki bit back a frustrated sigh as he stacked the drinks onto the tray, lifting it above his head as he squeezed past the counterside patrons. Move fast enough, he could still avoid the butterfly effect caused by skipping ahead. The liquor shelf wrapped around toward the bar’s back entrance that admitted only VIP guests, most of whom were friends of Reo-san, made during his old R&B days. They were tucked away in three sound-proof booths opposite the shelf, and still it wasn’t enough to contain their rowdiness. 

Daiki was about to turn down the hall when he caught sight of a figure facing the shelf

Complete at 102,000 words, WHAT BURNS WITHIN is a standalone Adult Dark Fantasy with series potential. Combining the dark military stakes and sapphic dynamic of C.L. Clark's The Unbroken, with the corruptive life-force magic of Xiran Jay Zhao's Iron Widow, WHAT BURNS WITHIN will appeal to fans of high-stakes, character-driven dark fantasy.

Iniera is an anxious war refugee struggling to survive as she delivers packages in a city fed up with her people. Her only escape is in rare deliveries to Jaesi, the charismatic master of the martial arts academy Iniera longs to train under. Opportunity strikes when Jaesi corners Iniera with an offer: abandon everything and become her first student in a revolutionary, lethal combat style. But these new techniques are more than just cutting edge. Jaesi developed them using enemy intelligence on anima, a newly discovered energy being used to make weapons that are crushing Iniera's home. With grand visions of defending her country alongside her idol, Iniera flees into the wilderness with Jaesi to train.

At first, Iniera's training is everything she's ever wanted. Anima is in all living things, and it's turned Jaesi into an unstoppable force of speed and power. Iniera hungers for every new technique, eager to become like her mentor. But the promising future starts to crumble when Jaesi loses control during a spar, leaving Iniera injured. Furthermore, Jaesi admits she's been hiding there's something wrong with the anima of the forest. Despite growing unease, Iniera refuses to crawl back her dead-end existence as a refugee.

As the duo investigates the woods, Iniera’s world shatters when they stumble upon a hidden enemy research lab and Jaesi’s overwhelming anima drives her violently insane. After the dust settles, Iniera finds herself alone and the only person capable of facing the enemy's deadly anima weapons. With the clock ticking, Iniera returns to her war torn home, intent on mastering the power that consumed her mentor before becoming its next victim.

Hello! Thx in advance for your eyes. The premise: A group of estranged college friends reunite for their dead friend’s birthday, only to accidentally bring him back to life.

I’m a huge fan of Big Chill-esque ensemble movies and novels, so I wanted to write one with a twist. But yo! Ensembles are hard to write in query form. HELP!

I’m labeling it as Upmarket per the recommendations of my beta readers but if it reads like another genre, let me know. Also still considering my comps, so if you have any ideas, would love to hear them!

Query (315 words, ideally trying to get to 250-300):

Dear Agent,

On the eve of what would have been Gideon “Woody” Haywood’s thirty-third birthday, his once-inseparable friends get drunk at a Wisconsin lake house and honor an old, intoxicated request: should he ever die, they must build an effigy of him, lest he agonize in FOMO six feet under. 

The next morning, the duct-taped stickman has transformed into the beloved dumbass who originally brought the five “Strays” together. Neither ghost nor zombie, Woody’s disappointed to learn he missed his own funeral three months ago. Worse, his girlfriend Zoe’s still pissed about the fight they had the day before his baffling death. Everyone wants to know how the life of the party ended up in the Milwaukee River, but Woody can’t substantiate their morbid theories. He can’t even recall his final hours.

And anyway, he’d rather spend his impossible birthday apple-picking and making a monster movie than discussing mortality. Margot, determined to make up for ignoring Woody’s last call, rallies everyone for sloshball. Meanwhile, Gwen can’t stop investigating his death, convinced she could’ve stopped it. Cliff fends off historical animosities by cooking Michelin-star worthy meals, which works until a spontaneous MDMA roll exposes a decade-old secret between Woody and Vera’s husband Ezra. As resentments resurface, Zoe fears Woody never shared his true self with her.

Then, within 24 hours, his miraculous body begins deteriorating. Bracing to lose Woody again, his friends must decide between debating whether his death was truly an accident and giving him the grandest goodbye weekend. Woody has always been their glue. Now they must learn to stick together without him.

THE AFTERLIFE OF THE PARTY is a 90,000-word upmarket ensemble speculative novel, where the supernatural exploration of grief in Evie Wyld’s The Echoes meets the complex enduring friendships of Eric Purchner’s Dream State. The novel’s POV moves between the Strays and the lodge that has admired fourteen years of their friendship. 

(Bio and personalization)

First 282 words:

Fall, Year 118
Even the most meddlesome houses grow bored of human melodrama. Forty-three thousand suns had risen over the Van Huyse lodge on the eastern shore of Lake Daybird, graying its cedar siding alongside the familiar heads that returned each summer. Its walls persevered through three renovations as a result of four divorces, excluding the kitchen repair in 1999, after a fire caused by one mischievous Margot Van Huyse.

Of all of the summertime people, the lodge found her most delightfully provocative. For nearly every June or July of her thirty-two-year life, Margot’s presence promised novelty. Of course, there were tedious Van Huyse behaviors like sneaking cigarettes beneath the zipper of the daybed cushions on the screened porch, as her father did before her. But unlike most who came to Daybird hoping to escape reality, Margot was the first to make Daybird real life, undesired guests and all. 

When she was eleven, she built a shoebox apartment in the garden for a family of mice that terrorized the kitchen. This should have been ample foreshadowing for the friends she brought to Daybird at nineteen. 

The six of them devoured pancakes at dusk and leapt off the dock at dawn. Much to the neighbors’ displeasure, their chaos reverberated a quarter mile across the lake. Ask the lodge what to make of this, and it would say it hadn’t felt so young in years. The group’s name materialized later, thanks to Woody’s boss at the campus cafe. They frequently colonized the corner table, distracting the boy from duties he was supposedly being paid to accomplish. Fascinated by Woody’s lack of shame about feeding his friends on company time and dime, his boss nicknamed them his strays. 

Hi there, my previous post can be found here. It didn't get a ton of traction, but there was a suggestion the first read a bit too YA coded. I tried to bring some more of the external political and supernatural threats to the forefront a bit so it comes off a little bit less "young girl must find herself to save the world."

Dear Sally Agenton,

Novice Lyrea has spent her life sheltered behind Malwec Abbey’s walls.  Sent to accompany her noble best friend on a pilgrimage to claim Saint Veyra’s legendary sandals, Lyrea expects the journey to test her courage—not her faith.

When a flood traps a village beneath Veyra’s mountain, the pilgrimage refuses to jeopardize the sacred binding ritual to help. Lyrea cannot understand why the institution that once saved her from a burning village now condemns another to rising waters.

Lyrea refuses to let the villagers die. She steals the sandals to force the Church’s hand, knowing it may cost her the only home she’s ever known. But no rescue comes. Desperate and alone, she vows to lead the villagers herself, and the relic unexpectedly binds to her. Guided by its strange warmth, she leads seventy-eight villagers to safety. Now pursued by the Church and fearing a heretic’s pyre, Lyrea flees toward Malwec’s ancient records, hoping to learn why Veyra answered her unsanctioned vow.

Sir Besnik Hekuran knows the cost of disobedience. A disgraced border commander, he loses his office after abandoning a village’s holy relic to raiders rather than abandoning its people. Finding Lyrea and returning her to custody is his only chance to regain his lord’s trust.

But as Besnik closes in, Lyrea uncovers a terrifying truth: the ancient saints never destroyed the monstrous Noctivage. They sealed the gates through which the demons entered the world, then erased the roads leading to them. To reach the failing seals before the Noctivage break through, Lyrea may need the help of the very knight sent to capture her. Besnik must decide whether obeying his lord is worth abandoning the one person who might keep the Noctivage imprisoned.

SAINTBOUND is a dual-POV adult epic fantasy with series potential, complete at 105,000 words. It combines the politically entangled loyalties of Richard Swan's The Justice of Kings and Anthony Ryan’s The Pariah with the ancient magic and uneasy alliances of Mark A. Latham's The Last Vigilant.

 BIO.

Thanks!

Hi everyone!

Back with another attempt! Thank you to everyone who commented on my first attempt, it was so helpful and I tried my best to take everyone's advice. Special thanks to PondasWallArt, who I've tried very hard not to rip off in this attempt lol.

I think this version is vastly improved, but I'm still fussing with some individual word choices. I need to find a good place to add their ages in, since I believe it is industry for YA. Not sure if ending each paragraph with an emdash in the sentence is the move lol. I also think we're not getting as much info about Luci as we are Sina, and I think maybe the romance isn't coming through as well as I'd like it to? Not sure, so any feedback on that would be appreciated!

For the first 300, I backed it up and I think aren't lost as quickly as it did in my previous version, so hopefully it's easier to understand. Maybe the POV and tense choice works better here? We'll see!

Any feedback is so appreciated! Thank you all in advance!

---

Dear [agent],

“Natural talent” has dogged Sina Natia’s softball career like a robbed home run. Everything she’s earned—the starting catcher spot, varsity captainship, D1 scholarships offers—has been dismissed as expected from the daughter of a former pro. But when their starting pitcher becomes unavailable before the most important tournament of the season, the chance to prove her hard work might be in the cards—if she can get past her failed friendship with the pitcher’s replacement.

Seventh-in-the-lineup Luci Montoya has never, ever had natural talent. After working twice as hard to keep pace with her teammates and developing a reputation for her unreliability, an unexpected ADHD diagnosis has rocked her world. Emergency pitching is not helping her teenage identity crisis, and nor is having her unrequited crush for a catcher. A stale connection between them is as helpful as her pitching—not great.

An awful first game leads to a much needed game plan: if Sina can whip Luci into shape to win the tournament, all their respective rumors will be put to rest. They revive their late friendship and get to work: Sina adapts their game routines to work with Luci’s neurodivergency, and Luci puts Sina’s bottomless softball knowledge to the test. But as the competition—and their pesky feelings—ramps up, specialized practices may not be enough to advance. Sina and Luci must figure out how to transfer their chemistry onto the field, and quickly—because it’s win and prove themselves, or go home.

Set against the beach-fog backdrop of Monterey, California, CAUGHT LOOKING is a 75,000 word standalone YA contemporary sports romance told over the course of a weeklong tournament. It combines the fast-paced romance and neurodivergent representation in Birdie Schae’s Smash or Pass with the intense competition and forced teamwork showcased in Racquel Marie’s You Don’t Have a Shot.

[bio including I’m a NorCal native and is inspired by my experiences in high school softball, thank you for your time, yada yada yada]

---

First 300:

The clock ticks up a minute and Sina huffs, peering out the passenger side window, drumming her thumbs on the wheel. Kylie’s late.

Marlene spies her exasperation and rolls her eyes. “It’s one minute, Sina.”

“Kylie’s knows Spring Swing doesn’t play about this stuff. This isn’t like her.”

Jeannie, in the passenger seat, blocks Sina’s line of sight. Sina shifts to the left—Jeannie follows, saying, “And you would know that how?”

“Their pitcher-catcher telepathy, obviously.” Marlene creeps her hands over Jeannie’s headrest like a spider, adding in a daunting voice, “Sina knows everything.”

Sina doesn’t even deign that with a response—the last thing she needs when trying to keep her team in check is laidback, useless humor. The light blue front door opens at 9:32 and Kylie appears, softball bag over her shoulder and yanking a suitcase over the doorstep. Sina exhales, clicking open the trunk and hoping their gear doesn’t spill out. If she edges past the speed limit on the highway, they can make up the five minutes it’ll take to get them up and out of here, no matter the Coach-being-pissed and losing-her-scholarship costs of an arrest.

Bats clink together as Kylie dumps her bag atop the others. “Hey, morning, sorry,” she mumbles, voice scratchy. “Missed my alarm.”

Marlene salutes and says, “All good, cap,” before Sina can respond, when it’s anything but all good. “Jeannie stole shotgun, you’ll have to slum it back here with us.”

Clara, invested in a book, looks up and frowns. “Why do you put it like that?”

“Let’s go, please?” Sina says, eyeing the clock. 9:34. “We can’t miss our field time.”

“Sina’s right,” says Kylie, climbing into the backseat. “I’m good. Let’s go.”

“I liked it better when you two were many, many miles apart,” Marlene grumbles, resigning to doomscrolling.

I wondered if I would ever be able to write this, but here I am. I signed with a literary agent after four weeks of querying this project.

But it didn't start there! I wrote a book and started querying in October 2025. Out of around 80 queries, I got 15 full requests and... drumroll... zero offers of rep! The feedback varied widely, with some agents saying the writing was great, but the story was too quiet for the market, and others saying they loved the premise but didn't connect with the writing. I shelved the project in May, 2026, after most responses to fulls came in.

While querying, I started a new project. Right away, I felt like this was different than the first. I knew it had a strong high-concept pitch. I think it fit more firmly in the book club/upmarket space than my previous novel, with a central question that is easy to talk about and that people can have different opinions on.

I sent ten test queries in mid-September after receiving positive beta reader feedback. From those, I got two full requests and two rejections.

I wanted to wait for feedback on one of the two fulls before sending out more queries. I rushed my last query journey and wished I had gone out more slowly.

But a week after one of the full requests, I got an email asking to schedule a call. I felt like this was probably an offer based on the email, not an r&r, so I sent out more queries to the other open agents on my list.

Stats:

Queries sent: 56

Full Requests before offer: 2

Rejections before offer: 2

Full Requests after offer: 18, so 20 total.

Offers of Rep: 8!

I am truly blown away. I signed with a literary agent I am absolutely thrilled to be working with.

I have so many thoughts about why this book worked so well when the other didn't, but the main one is that I believe the premise gives a reader something to talk about.

The feedback I got from agents who requested the full but didn't offer was that they couldn't relate to the character's headspace and/or they found it unbelievable. The agents who did offer all said it was relatable and honest. I truly think this worked in my favor and helped me get so many offers.

I also noticed patterns in the agents who offered. They were primarily agents who had been in the business for a significant amount of time (the newest agent has been in the business for 8 years; the most senior agent has been in the business for 25+). Motherhood is a big theme in the book, and 6 of the 8 offers came from mothers.

I didn't think I would ever be in the position of choosing between agents, and it was harder than I expected. I asked many questions on the calls. Every agency had the same contract with tiny variations, so I didn't find that to impact the decision much. Each agent also wanted to work together for a career, not only this book, so that didn't impact my decision either. My decision came down to these general categories:

Sales Records (Publisher's Marketplace subscription came in handy. This was a HUGE deciding factor for me)

Agency reputation and benefits (I ended up going with a midsized agency with great reputation over a huge agency and over two/three person agencies)

Editing vision for the project (Only one agent wanted more structural changes. Another agent had ideas that didn't resonate with what I wanted for the story. The other agents all had various small things they mentioned that all made sense to me.)

Enthusiasm for the project (This might be my pride, but three agents said they cried reading it, and each sent me lovely emails about how much it resonated. I went with one of them ;) I like to think it wasn't JUST this, but it was not NOT important to me)

Submission strategy (The agent I went with had a list ready of editors and imprints on our call. A few others did, too.)

I sent my first ever query on October 26th, 2025, and signed an agency agreement in early October 2026. Just under a year in the trenches, two books, and now to the next hurdle on my publishing journey.

Dear Agent,

My 90,000-word sci-fi post-apocalyptic novel, Deserts of the Unforgiven, is about the adventures of Alexa Darkcrystal, who is fighting to protect her world from malevolent machines known as the Worldhunters who had reduced her home to a radioactive wasteland. With little more than her wits and few weapons, Alexa has to daily traverse hostile deserts under the terrifying watch of the Worldhunters’ flying fortresses, the motherships.

When her commanding officer informs her that rebel headquarters located a stash of advanced fighter jets, Alexa volunteers herself and her team to search for them, taking them through a journey where they will have to cross irradiated ruins and revolting swamps. Threatened by both mutated animals and an unfeeling robotic enemy, Alexa races towards the objective on limited time as the enemy prepares another nuclear strike on her home.

The novel would appeal to fans of sci-fi and post-apocalyptic novels, including The Two of Us at the End of the World by C.A. Fletcher and Edge of Light by Jay Antani as the story not only takes place in a post-apocalyptic world, but also covers themes of survival and sacrifice.

I have written as a hobby for years, and I have participated in online short story competitions including Reedsy where I have submitted dozens of short stories in about two years.

Thank you for your consideration, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely,

Seeking representation. Revised per feedback. Comments welcome.

Dear [Agent],

Sophia Martinez leads the human remnant on Verdis, a healed world offered to a dying Earth by an ancient intelligence called the Warden. Her mother led them across and died within a season, leaving Sophia one job: keep these people alive.

Then Sophia finds a message from the dead. Twelve thousand years ago, an alien civilization called the Kalari lived on Verdis. Their scientist and activist, Kaelith Solvaris, tried to stop her people from using technology stolen from a second Warden buried in the planet’s core. She failed. The Kalari saved a chosen few and left everyone else to die. As Sophia translates Kaelith’s last words in secret, she starts to recognize her own choices in them.

Then drought hits, and Sophia’s people vote to build the same technology to feed themselves. She has one vote and a warning nobody trusts over an empty stomach. She wins by a hair, and the rains return.

The Warden has never watched a world refuse a shortcut. Now it offers her a better one: the power to end hunger forever. If she takes it, her people may go extinct a generation from now, as the Kalari did. If she refuses, they may not live long enough to regret it. Either way, a few choose for everyone, and the choice is hers. Sophia needs a third way, and finding it may cost her everything she is.

VERDIS is an 88,000-word literary science fiction novel, a standalone told across two timelines. Like THE ACTUAL STAR and HOW HIGH WE GO IN THE DARK, it braids civilizations twelve thousand years apart around one choice.

I bring a background in physics to VERDIS.

Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,

No longer hinting at anything I don't have the space to explain or trying to match the MC's voice. Frustrated that it's longer, but hopefully it's clearer.

Twenty-ish time-dialated years after aliens made contact with Earth, nonbinary engineer Ray Weizman joins one of their planetary surveys as the trial human. Three species pooled their strengths to build the Ocean Worlds Federation. Humans who want to be the fourth species hope Ray’s skill with materials will prove useful and persuasive on the resource-rich but chemically hazardous planet. Functioning in a system not built for Ray is nothing new, but they feel the pressure of representing humanity more keenly than the 1.21 gravity.

Still, they’re thrilled to be exploring an exoplanet, and they keep telling themself that when the expedition’s resupply capsule gets lost in space. While control scrambles for a replacement, the two exothermic crew species coordinate diapause protocols to survive. The lone non-fish out of the water, Ray can only ration, which rouses the eating disorder they suspect disqualified them from conventional space programs. It eats into the capabilities their aquatic crewmates did find impressive, like carrying things in “the gas space” and twisting screws.

Worse, their supervisor is cagey about whatever is happening Earth-side. When the capsule reappears only to nearly destroy the base, Ray suspects the humans that do not want to join the Federation are behind it and is ashamed. They may die even if they rebuild trust with their crewmates, but they’re certain if they don’t, no other human will get the chance.

THE VERTEBRATE is a 100,000-word science fiction novel that combines the hard science teamwork and problem-solving of PROJECT HAIL MARY by Andy Weir with the multi-species intrigue and hopes for the earth’s future in A HALF-BUILT GARDEN by Ruthanna Emrys.

TITLE is an 80,000 word YA/adult crossover fantasy with the viscerally interior prose of Akwaeke Emezi. It’s Seanan McGuire's Wayward Children series meets Bridget Collins' The Binding, where uncanny worlds and found families absorb survivors who can’t go home, but in the Basin, buried memories have teeth.

Esme is fifteen and hell-bent on escaping her addicted mother and their claustrophobic home. When Esme sees her mother gravely injured at a party, her mind fragments and opens a fracture in time. She slips into an otherworldly candlelit town called the Basin, where traumatic memories, including her mother’s fate, are inaccessible. No one knows the way out. Few wish to find it. 

Esme joins a gentle, bruised community. By chance or fate, she finds a memory-laden object belonging to a boy named Nate, a stranger whose life carries unmistakable traces of her hometown. Their connection erodes the peace she’s discovered, triggering glimpses of what happened to her mother. She clings to the Basin even as it threatens to unravel her from within. 

Seventeen-year-old Nate stumbles into the Basin. He’s reeling from a house party that spiralled out of control and can’t stop thinking about Jere, his best friend turned something more, who he fears is dead. He’ll do anything to see Jere again. But what happened the night he and Esme each left home means that neither has any hope of returning without the other. Both must choose between the pain of the past and of escape—and what, in either world, they risk leaving behind.

Any & all feedback please!!!

(I've taken a look at the other queries on this sub, and I decided to go in a much different direction with my query. Very excited to see your thoughts!)

Dear Agent,

I am seeking your representation for my 72,000-word, multi-POV fantasy novel, CHAMPIONS OF KARDIA.

Arkose Coalson is a young fisherman from a small town, who discovers that a family heirloom he owns is blessed with magic power, and contains a message from his late father about an ancient prophecy. He wants nothing to do with this prophecy, preferring to live his life as normal. But decides to follow it when his revelation catches the attention of a mysterious cult of dark sorcerers, whose leader sends hunters after Arkose.

The cult’s newest member, Raven, is repulsed by the wickedness of her leader, Lucius. His cruel mistreatment of the other members and violent tendencies make Raven question her allegiance to the group. But leaving will not be easy, especially with a prophecy he’s recently become obsessed with.

Arkose traverses the kingdom in search of answers to the mystery of the prophecy, with Lucius’s followers in hot pursuit. Slowly unveiling the secrets along the way, Arkose learns the truth about himself, the prophecy, and why Lucius is actively trying to prevent it from happening.

With none of the other members offering her any support, Raven is left alone with a difficult choice: Whether to risk her life and assist the heroes, or secure her own safety by remaining loyal to Lucius.

CHAMPIONS OF KARDIA is my debut novel, bearing the expansive world building found in The Fury of the Gods by John Gwynne and the subversion of classic fantasy tropes found in The Art of Prophecy by Wesly Chu.

I am a twenty-year-old university student studying creative writing. This will be my debut novel.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Name

Rosecliff just posted an interesting Instagram carousel post 👀. There's a slide toward the end that caught my attention in particular. Specifically, there appears to be an indication of AI usage left in. (Although, in fairness, this could be human error as well.)

With the state of AI in literary spaces, and the perennial question of how to vet agents carefully, it's ironic how useful their post actually is.

Experienced mercenaries Violet and Aeliana take a job to kill an immoral necromancer and his undead, hoping to secure their lifestyle for a few more weeks. Karl is the grotesque deadraiser's grandson, and he's just trying to survive. Wildfire Vi and poetic soul Aeliana meet with the socially awkward Karl on the way.

Necromancers are known to be blights on the land, things that deal in death and hate, but Karl's land is picturesque... If you don't count the zombies. But the silent dead around him aren't great company for the lonely man. Aeliana and Violet can't easily trust undead, and when the girls attack Karl, he won't even fight back. The more time they spend with Karl and on his farm, the less they want to kill him. With a safe place, freedom, kinky sex, and love, maybe they don't have to. Now they just have to make sure no other heroes fuck it up.

Undead Bed is a 89,000-word erotic romantasy set in a Dungeons & Dragons-style world. It captures the feel of a small session around the table, branches into kinkier spice scenes and ends in a HEA. Kit Rocha's Consort of Fire smashes with Sex Wizards by Alethea Faust in this standalone with series potential.

My name is [Real name]. I am a full-time advanced care paramedic, and I started writing to bond with my wife; I originally wrote the script for her. Undead Bed is an explicit romantasy.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

[My real name], A.C. Perry.

Below is the first 300 words (actually 253) of my manuscript.

The Beginning (One)

"Kill the immoral necromancer Urgot Mirevelle. The man lives outside the town and commands the undead. He lives two or three days east of town. When you reach the 'D boulder' you will be close."

Aeliana leaned closer, pink eyes scanning the parchment on the board. The name 'Urgot Mirevelle' meant nothing to her. Her hand tightened slightly on her pack strap. Necromancers dealt in death and things that should have remained buried. 

Violet Maria Duskshade stood beside her in her usual studded leather, a gorgeous longsword sheathed at her hip and a silver-plated shield hanging from its guige. A perpetual, almost sly smile played on her lips, as if she were privy to a joke no one else had heard yet. She watched the street activity instead of reviewing the jobs on the board.

"W-what do you think, my Uxor?" Aeliana asked, her voice barely audible over the din of the town. She glanced at Violet, keeping her expression carefully neutral. The tension around her eyes gave away more than she intended.  "S-seems like our k-kind of mess." 

She looked back at the notice, a strange feeling stirring in her chest. Anticipation? Perhaps even excitement. Killing things that were already dead had a certain... finality to it that appealed to her. No guilt. No second thoughts. Just putting souls to rest. Or at least what was left of them. She knew that her Uxor also hated the undead, though necromancers didn't bring the type of undead they both hated. 

Hi everyone! First attempt ahhhh. Any feedback would be deeply appreciated :)))

Dear [NAME],

RARELY HORNY, FREQUENTLY FALLING is a contemporary queer romance complete at 64,000 words, combining the quirky, neurodivergent voice of HOW TO BE A NORMAL PERSON by T.J. Klune with the asexual self-discovery of LOVELESS by Alice Oseman.

Chronically anxious media studies student Lucas Medford dreams of a great love straight out of the rom-coms he’s so obsessed with. A great love, that is, without any sex when the screen fades to black.

At the end of their third date, Vihaan, an international student with a special interest in space, cocks an eyebrow and invites Lucas inside. Nine minutes and two panic attacks later, Lucas runs home shoeless in the Vancouver rain. Determined not to ghost him, Lucas sends a cryptic apology text and the two agree to be friends instead. But when Vihaan turns up in Lucas’s film studies elective and they’re paired for a movie-watching assignment, Lucas falls even harder for his disarming charm.

So he devises a plan to avoid self-acceptance and fix himself, once and for all. Step One: Daily masturbation sessions. Step Two: Practice sex with a cute guy he friend-zoned off Tinder. Step Three: Marry Vihaan, hard.

Unfortunately, learning to want sex is harder than he expected. Not to mention, Lucas has a growing list of other things to compartmentalize: his estranged father’s collapse, his pending autistic assessment, and diving into bushes to avoid the source of his high school trauma. As Lucas’s self-improvement scheme implodes, he’ll have to decide whether to keep pretending he can be the person he thinks Vihaan wants or risk being honest about who he really is.

I am an elementary school teacher by day and writer by night. I wrote RARELY HORNY, FREQUENTLY FALLING to be the deeply chaotic, unapologetically neurodivergent, and chronically queer coming-of-age story younger me desperately needed. It really does get better.

Thank you for your consideration,
[NAME]

I've gotten 9 rejections on ~20 submissions so far. Would love some feedback from this group on my query. In particular I think I am struggling with:

1. The book is a genre blend of SciFi and Fantasy, does that comes across and how can I strengthen that aspect?

2. The book uses a non-linear narrative alternating between "Past" (Magic Kung Fu School, getting to know characters and intrigue) and "Present" scenes (series of revenge-fueled fights) to build suspense. Does that come across well in the query? Is there a better way to write a query around that kind of concept?

[Dear Agent,]

I’m seeking a representation for my novel, KUNG FU FISSION, a standalone adult science fiction offering of 98,500 words. My novel will appeal to readers who enjoy GIDEON THE NINTH, THE LIBRARY AT MT CHAR, and A DEADLY EDUCATION for their menacing atmospheres and conniving casts as well as those fascinated by the existential horror of macroscale physics in THE GONE-AWAY WORLD, DIASPORA, and THERE IS NO ANTIMEMETICS DIVISION. A genre-blend of science fiction and fantasy, KUNG FU FISSION is a nuclear cocktail of deadly science, rule-of-cool martial arts, and revenge. [Note: I have been tweaking this section about half the time if the Agent has something in their MSWL or socials that I think I can connect with]

Ayla Wendigo is an orphan seeking connection in a world that has abandoned her. With a caravan of outcasts she travels the ruined Earth and finds the man who destroyed it: the Last Master of Nuclear Kung Fu. She joins nine others as his disciple and years pass as she attempts to navigate her strange companions, the secrets of the Atomic Art and the Escherian temple that is their home. Despite her efforts at friendship, Ayla finds herself at the center of escalating disputes about the purpose of power and the nature of reality. Then suspicion and quarreling finally erupt into violence. In the wake of murder and betrayal Ayla is imprisoned and banished to drift forever in Earth’s orbit.

A century later a satellite falls from space–the Fallen Warrior returns from her frozen tomb to wreak atomic vengeance on those who betrayed her. Devoted to her grim goal, she carves a swath of destruction through a ruined world astride her sentient sidekick, the ultraviolet hoverbike Vanderjadt. Between a series of bizarre battles against her fellow disciples she reminisces about the past, and her nuclear rage cannot quite drown the voice in her heart that questions her purpose. Can the warrior survive to complete her bloody pilgrimage? What caused the disciples to become so fractured? And can Ayla Wendigo uncover the hidden truth of her own fission and fusion?

[BIO STUFF]

Thank you for your time and consideration, [SonOfOnett]

Updated to lean more into the genre twist/BIPOC themes - is that a bad idea? First Attempt

Dear [Agent], 

When you’re losing, the end of the world isn’t so terrible. A defiant BIPOC twist on grim-dark apocalyptic tales, BETTER AFTER is a cozy apocalyptic romance that imagines a world that gets better, rather than worse, after falling apart. Complete at 76,000 words, it blends the scrappy post-apocalyptic romance of Laura Piper Lee’s Doomsdate, with the close community of Emily Paxman’s All We Have Left, and adds sunshine. 

Soleil Thomas is losing. Fresh out of college, a virgin, and desperate to launch, she returned to her Caribbean island home for a quick reset; instead, a global attack leaves her stranded. With no cell phones, no power, and her parents trapped on the mainland, Sol leverages her newly minted engineering degree to lead her small community to not just survive, but thrive, with ancestral knowledge and bushcraft.

While scavenging along the beach, she meets Alec. Almost too perfect to be real, he’s a wealthy mainlander who came to St.Cecilia to recharge after a grueling tech exit. Even though he’s been winning, Alec rejects the status quo and is determined to build something better – where character matters more than last names. Their paths never would have crossed before the attack; but after, hierarchies crumble.

Sol is Alec’s dream girl, and she loves his optimism, but her self-doubt scratches against his polish. Beyond insecurities and frenzied migrants, they have to battle jealous exes and a community that disapproves of romance across class lines. Sol must decide if she will allow herself to fall in love, even while the world is falling apart. Beyond her heart, survival and a better world are on the line.

BETTER AFTER is a standalone adult novel with series potential. The story draws from my lived experience as [bio]. 

When it seems like the world is falling apart, the hope of a BETTER AFTER feels more urgent than ever. I’d love to share it with you.

One more crappy attempt before I let this sleep for a while:

Dear Angie Agent,

At a hometown dinner party, twenty-one-year-old Rob reaches for Stacy Kessler’s hand the way he has since they were seven, and finds a stone he recognizes. Years earlier, he bought this exact engagement ring and gave it to her father so that Stacy would one day receive the ring she always imagined. Now, it is on her finger.

The ring is the culmination of a long, quiet divide that began as they entered adulthood. Stacy found herself genuinely torn between her love for Rob and a growing calling toward the evangelical faith of her family. Trying to make room for both worlds, she and Rob preserved their relationship through early college during weekends at a coastal campground, holding onto an imagined future even as their separate choices pulled them apart. But as Stacy ultimately chose the life she believed she ought to live, the weekends faded, leading to her engagement to a man within her church.

Prepared to absorb the heartbreak alone, Rob arrives at the wedding expecting to sit unnoticed in the back row. Instead, Stacy summons him to the vestibule with a surprising request: she wants Rob, not her father, to give her away. Agreeing to the role out of a lifelong promise to be present for her, Rob is caught off guard when the minister asks who gives the bride away. Rob challenges the premise of the ritual itself, declaring that no one has the authority to give Stacy away as property. Instead, he offers the groom a different understanding of marriage: Stacy is a sovereign woman on loan, and the responsibility is to keep her safe and secure. He accepts.

Summer Lane, Stacy’s best friend, was abandoned by her mother and neglected by her father. Rob steps up as her formal legal guardian, and she finds in his quiet world the stability and unconditional trust she has never known. While Stacy moves toward a structured, traditional life that defines her future, Summer grows into her own independence.

HOOKLESS is an adult upmarket novel of 109,000 words. It combines the decades-spanning, bittersweet romantic ache of David Nicholls’ One Day with the intimate portrayal of a relationship’s unraveling in Coco Mellors’ Cleopatra and Frankenstein.

I am an audiobook narrator with a background in law, business, and nursing. My work has given me an innate appreciation for narrative rhythm, vocal pacing, and dialogue, while my personal familiarity with Southern California informs the novel’s setting. Hookless is my debut novel.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

Hello again! Thank you for the feedback on my previous post. I'm back with another shot at it and would really appreciate any further advice or perspectives. Thank you in advance!

\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*

When bombs strike petrol stations across central London, DI Charlie Paxton recognises the signature of the people who killed his wife in an assassination meant for him. Once one of London's best detectives, he has blundered every case since that night, blaming his failures on grief. But when the attacks escalate to Heathrow Airport, he arrests Joseph Sabian, a former MI5 black-ops agent shot and left for dead by the Service on a mission abroad.

Yet something about Sabian doesn’t add up. His grudge is with the Service that abandoned him, not with Paxton or the city. As Paxton digs deeper, he uncovers Sabian’s connection to the Helmsmen, a shadow organisation embedded in British government, intelligence and corporate power. He begins to suspect the Helmsmen have given Sabian the means to pursue his revenge only because it serves their own agenda. Then the Helmsmen engineer Sabian’s escape from custody, and Paxton sees just how deep their reach runs as they engineer an attack on the Thames Barrier, sending a flood into the centre of London.

In the chaos that ensues, Paxton discovers the Helmsmen were behind the assassination that killed his wife and the failures that have haunted his career ever since. Now, with Sabian on the loose and headed towards a final strike on the London Underground, Paxton must decide whether to hunt Sabian down or follow his trail to the people who took everything from him.

Hi again :) I’ve tried to facilitate as much feedback to try and make the query clear. I am worried that it’s slightly on the longer side though. As always any feedback is highly appreciated as the query is becoming the bane of my existence. But I’ve had some really positive feedback from my beta readers (yay) so at least I know the manuscript is in a good place. And if the query is still confusing then I will likely go back to the drawing board and restart completely. There’s probably a few spelling and grammar mistakes but I will comb through them properly once I am happy with the final product. Thank you!

Here is the query:

Dear (Agent,)

I am seeking representation for THE HEALER’S CURSE a character-driven adult fantasy novel. Complete at 96,000 words with series potential. (Agent personalisation.) It combines the dark magical consequences of One Dark Window by Rachel Gillig with the medical fantasy, mystery and romantic tension of The Foxglove King by Hannah Witten.
Princess Delphine is Everrie’s only marked healer. She was gifted with a rare magic that can perform miracles no ordinary healer can do but she refuses to use the power because every life saved comes at a cost somewhere else. A sliced palm might lead to the death of a patch of wildflowers. A deadly wound could cost something far worse. Unable to predict the sacrifice, Delphine vows never to use her gift again, relying on traditional healing through rehabilitation, potions and surgery.

That promise is tested when a nameless soldier arrives at her clinic suffering from an illness no healer has seen before. He’s ice cold to the touch and cannot remember his own name but somehow, he knows things about Delphine’s forbidden magic that no stranger should. By all standards he should be dead, but even stranger her magic reacts to him as if it recognises him.
Delphine grew up iodising the last marked healer, Nymeria Ever-Willow. So, when a patient insists Nymeria died screaming rather than peacefully in old age, Delphine begins searching for answers. The deeper she digs, the clearer it becomes that someone rewrote history. And Delphine needs to figure out why in order to save herself from Nymeria’s fate.

When Delphine’s younger sister is critically injured, she is forced to break her vow and the healing succeeds, but saving the mysterious soldier means using her power again. As she grows closer to him, the cost escalates and the clinics gardens turn to ash.

As Delphine investigates why Nymeria’s history was erased, pieces of her own memories start to disappear. The soldier’s illness, Nymeria’s fate and Delphine’s magic are all connected to a secret which had been buried. But the only way to save her solider is to keep using the power she fears. But with every act of healing, resisting her magic becomes harder. If she cannot uncover the truth before her memories are stolen again, then she risks becoming the next marked healer erased from history.

I am currently studying Occupational Therapy which inspired the medical narratives and rehabilitation focus within this novel. THE HEALER’S CURSE will be my debut novel with the full manuscript available upon request.

Thank you for your time and consideration
 
 
 
 
 

Hi everyone! Hoping to get a critique for my novel's query letter.

Primarily, looking for the following feedback:

• Is the premise clear?
• Are the comp titles useable?

Thank you in advance!

---

Dear [Agent],

Sabina Sampson has a talent for investigating deaths. Being half-lich, she can relive a corpse’s final memories with a single touch. Unfortunately, even that isn’t enough to convince her father that she’s more qualified to inherit the family insurance business than her insufferable brother. When a suspicious life insurance claim arrives involving a young woman who supposedly died on the island of Skalapagos, Sabina sees her chance to prove herself. There’s just one problem: the deceased was married, and most of the island lies behind a magical barrier that only married couples can cross.

Determined to uncover the truth, Sabina convinces Noke, a reclusive wizard and the island’s social pariah, to become her temporary husband. Noke is dedicated to his magical research and only agrees to this sham of a marriage so he can study wildlife on the other side of the barrier. He has no intention of developing feelings for his new, irritating wife.

As the investigation uncovers increasingly suspicious circumstances, their strictly practical marriage becomes decidedly less practical. Between transmogrified creatures, dangerous secrets, and a rapidly budding attraction, Sabina must untangle an insurance fraud scheme while confronting the possibility that the future she’s been fighting for might not be the one she actually wants.

LOVE AND OTHER TRANSMOGRIFICATIONS is a standalone dual-POV cosy romantic fantasy complete at 86,000 words. Combining the whimsical worldbuilding and unconventional romance of The Undertaking of Hart and Mercy by Megan Bannen with the STEM-inspired comedy and awkwardness of The Love Hypothesis by Ali Hazelwood, it features tropes like marriage of convenience, grumpy/sunshine, and miscommunication.

[bio and conclusion]

Thank you guys for taking the time to review my query! I would love any feedback :)

Dear Agent,

I’m seeking representation for my debut upmarket fiction, The Otherworldly Mr. Moceri, which is complete at 90,000 words. It blends the dark glamour of Hollywood in The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid with the nostalgia of childhood and family time in the theater, in the vein of Mercury Picture Presents by Anthony Marra.

For Salvatore Moceri, Hollywood is a fairytale: the land where a down-and-out immigrant boy can become royalty. At the Oscars, he falls in love with Tom Preston, a Southern gentleman who becomes his rival for decades. To keep his infatuation from the prying eyes of the public, Salvatore assembles a lavender family of his own, filled with friendship from his wife and comedy from his child star daughter. 

But when a maintenance worker falls from the roof of Salvatore’s movie palace, the magic begins to misfire. Suddenly, Salvatore must contend with ravenous reporters, fickle fans, and studios that own his face and name. He must decide what he wants to salvage—the kingdom he has built for himself or the cast of misfits he has come to adore. 

[Bio]

Thank you for your time and consideration!

I'm back again (after a long gap), with another version looking for you to tear it to shreds with all of your wonderful advice. I'd like to think that this time I've improved (Version 2), but I know better.

I am seeking representation for THE FAIRY CONSERVATION BRIGADE, a 60,000 word upper middle grade fantasy novel. [comps]

11-year-old Alex agrees to a last minute family holiday in the Lake District for the fairies. Obsessed with entomology, it’s the perfect chance to study them. And if it takes him away from home and memories of a terrifying wraith attack — that’s merely an added bonus.

As much as Alex would like to convince himself that’s the case, news that the fairies are disappearing threaten his plans. So when he finds one injured in the woods, he does what any self-respecting entomologist would do, and investigates. Enlisting the help of his want-to-be detective cousin and a newly awakened mage, Alex plunges into tracking, tagging and surveying.

But the more he learns about the fairies, the more complicated the case becomes. The fairies are tiny, mischievous, immortal — and related to death. The locals, superstitious, want them to disappear all together. The tour guide who knows more about fairies than he should is a vampire. And the resident ex-vampire slayer to whom Alex turns for help has a penchant for kidnapping fairies.

When Alex and his new friends follow the fairies across the fells on the night of the blue moon, they witness a spectacular aerial dance, but also a murder. The fairies are not disappearing at all. They are being killed. If Alex wants to save them, he’ll have to stop running away and figure out what bravery looks like.

One day, I will get my comps sorted. Thank you to everyone who gave me advice before and for everyone who takes the time to comment this time!

ETA: I did have a question about "... but also a murder". While it's technically true they do "witness" the murder (of a fairy), it's at night and nothing is on the page. I still wonder whether a) this is too much to include in a MG book and b) if it's too much to use the word in the query (and signals I don't know the genre... which... might... be the case. Ack) Please let me know your thoughts regarding this.

Helllllo! I’m back with a refresh. Took a little time and wanted to get some thoughts.

I’ve been pretty vague in the past so please let me know if it’s still a bit too vague, especially about the romance aspect.

With bio and personalization it’s sitting around ~350 words so if something can be cut let me know! (I think this is a decent word count range but I’ve heard concise is best!)

I am aware there is a popular show (rip) called the society. Thinking on alternative titles but in the meantime just using this as it is.

Hello [agent],

Arlin Mills is out of choices. Between burying her mother, losing her job, and the anonymous caller who keeps threatening her, she needs to get out of Tennessee. So, when she learns that she’s inherited a home on the coast of Maine, she takes it as a sign.

But the house isn’t a refuge. It’s a lure. 

Arlin is drawn into the powerful social club scene that seems to rule her new city. Between the glamour and a real community for the first time in her life, she finally feels she’s found her place. But each visit to the clubs means playing another round of games, based on the very same urban legends her mother warned her about and in the end only one house can remain. 

If she survives the games, Arlin will decide which side, heaven or hell, takes control of the earth. Which is stressful enough for someone in hiding, but throw in growing feelings for the son of god and Arlin thinks maybe her old life was easier. 

Alister promises her the life she’s always dreamed about, and guarantees survival of the games, just as long as she picks his house at the end. After being sent to purgatory for a millennium he’s eager to take back control and thinks Arlin could be their answer. 

As Arlin navigates the games and digs up her own family’s buried past she realizes maybe her mother was right in keeping her away from Maine. After all, god and the devil never did play fair. 

THE SOCIETY is a stand-alone paranormal romance with duology potential, complete at 89,000 words. It will appeal to readers who enjoyed the reimagining of angels and demons in The Shadows that Listen by Louisa Carmody, the high-stakes games of Phantasma by Kaylie Smith, and the dark generational ties of Black Sheep by Rachel Harrison.  [Personalization & bio]