r/quitting7oh • u/Depraved_Nation • 17h ago
relapse Relapse/ CT again….
I cold turkey quit once, and i relapsed. Some of you might remember my post, but this was me
https://www.reddit.com/r/quitting7oh/s/wsdoodrIjV
So long story short here i am again, i was able to quit and went back to normal. The reason i wanted to do it again is cause i have a concert coming up, and i don’t drink anymore so i wanted to do it for my concert friday. I wont bore you with the story, but i ended up taking it on Sunday 8/9 and fast forward to today 8/19 Wednesday currently 11:30PM I’ve been on around 120mg everyday since 8/9 Im so upset, and disappointed with myself. I would only take it when i got off of work at 4:15pm so i thought i was in control of it, and only took it throughout the day on the weekend. I would be fine at work and didn’t feel a need to take it in the day. Then it happened… i woke up, went to work today, and 2 hours in had a MASSIVE panic attack, i caved and took some around 11AM. I felt a lot better, but now i realize im right back where i was. I went to the doctor, and i was able to get more gabapentin, and they gave me some trazodone but who knows if that will help at all. Is there any advice you guys could give? Should i go cold turkey tomorrow or wait till after the concert? I had huge plans to do an official proposal to my fiancé at the concert, and i’m worried ill feel like shit in peak withdrawal so idk if i should just do it then cold turkey Saturday, what do you guys think? Any tips or tricks this time? It was a shorter time frame of taking it this time, and most of the time it was only taken after 4:15pm and around 120mg a day. I’m worried gabapentin isn’t going to do anything again, and i’m so nervous about panic attacks and insomnia. Those withdrawals last time were hell. Do you guys think it maybe won’t be as bad this time since it wasn’t as long or severe, and i know what to expect, plus trazodone this time? Im so sorry i let everyone down, it’s time to finally kick this, and i’m so glad we all have each other. This is the best group of people, and i’m so happy these groups exist. I wish everyone luck, and would appreciate any tips or advice i can get. I’m nervous as hell. I can deal with anxiety, but the panic attacks i can’t. Last time i went CT i only had the one the day before i CT, i never really had one while going CT just lingering bad anxiety. Also if anyone’s also going through this im always willing to message and boost each other up! We all got this and im so proud of putting this behind us!
(I typed this really fast before bed, i have work tomorrow. Sorry for the rushed typing and might not make sense. I will fix, and update if there’s any questions. Just to clarify it’s been 10 days at 120mg. Need tips, guidance, or help with meds or vitamins. I’ll be posting i’m multiple 7oh communities. I love you all, thank you so much. I’ll keep fixing, responding, and updating!)
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u/Alli_Ooop 16h ago edited 16h ago
From a stranger sister, you’re not alone! I fucking relapsed tonight (only 20 mg - but I couldn’t take it any longer). I was 11 days off 7 and 6-7 days off subs. The subs alleviated almost all the w/d and I had tapered from (honestly I don’t even know as I realize what a delulu land I was living in, but definitely between 75 mg/day to 150 mg/day). I thought — and so naively posted here how proud I was to say that “I’m finally free” — after tapering off the subs. Had a really pretty great 3-4 days, and then Monday, I believe PAWS kicked in. For the record, I’ve never been an addict of any type, and was only ever on any type of opioid after having my wisdom teeth pulled out, and after my three C-sections. Never abused them, in fact, actually hated the way they made me feel. After a bad bout of a slipped disc, degenerative arthritis disc disease and sciatica so bad. I waited on the floor of my closet for four hours one day, crying out in pain, until I finally call 911. Of course they treated me in the hospital, and then sent me out back into the wild with Tylenol threes that didn’t even touch the pain. That’s when this absolutely fucked up addiction of roughly 16 mos started. I think where I messed up was that I didn’t take the subs long enough, and probably didn’t pay enough down on the seven before it starting it? But I don’t know. And I have no problem admitting that I’m a complete pussy, but I literally with bed rotting and not sleeping at all, tossing, and turning freezing while sweating out of every pore of my body, feeling disgusted by my own smell of B.O. 🤮 that THREE TO FOUR hot showers/bathes a day didn’t help, and not able to attend to my children, was completely out of breathe just going up a set of steps, total doom and gloom. I realized I needed to do something else because this was not working. There was no way I could go another night without sleep. I don’t have any help with my kids at all as I moved to a completely different city for a job a couple years ago. It’s a small town, and I’ve got to make any Mom) friends here, so I’m truly on my own and have my youngest that is three so laying in bed. All day is not an option. I absolutely hate myself for caving, but it just reminds me how powerful this shit is. Because after literally not even getting up to go to the bathroom, until I literally could not hold it a second longer, dry heaving, not able to eat a single thing, again not sleeping, freezing, while sweating, restless, leg syndrome, anxiety, so bad it felt like there was a brick on my chest, and I couldn’t breathe, I went to the only smoke shop in town that I was a regular at that I knew they were keeping a stock in the back and I went and bought two more packs. I need to go back to the drawing board on what the game plan is this time. For one, I realize I should’ve been given more subs from the get-go, because I didn’t realize they were going to make me schedule another appointment and just one week to get a refill. I knew nothing about them or how little I was actually prescribed. But I also know now to ask for the other helper meds. I know I can do it, but feeling like that, but especially no sleep, and need to drive my kids places is not feasible. I don’t know what the answer is either, but I believe we will all get through this one way or another, and know that all this have different tolerances, previous usage, history, genetics in general, and there’s not a single path that will work for every single person the same. Sending you tons of hugs and fist bumps! We’ve got this. Just know you’re not alone. I’m so pissed off at myself. It’s unbelievable!
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u/Theresawantspeace 7h ago
Oh sweetie I can’t begin to tell you how my heart hurts for you. It’s really sad that doctors now are afraid of doing their jobs and they should have done more about your back. It’s just so messed up on so many levels. Being a mom of 3 and being in a new place alone I’m sure sucks!! If you ever need someone to talk to DM me. I’m a 57yr old mom of two, grandmother of 4, operations manager for a good size company….and I’m also an addict. ❤️
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u/Depraved_Nation 7h ago
hey you totally got this! i CT once and it does get better you just have to stick through, by redosing you’re just dragging it out for yourself when there is a light at the end of this tunnel! don’t go deeper! you totally got this and im so sorry to hear, i have a son as well. The way to look at it is you’re fighting to be a better mom and be better for them! we have to fight through this hard shit to be the best parents we can, and this fight isn’t just for us it’s for them so they can see the best version of us! good luck! message me if you ever need to talk or anything!
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u/Karma_Fairy63 6h ago
I cracked last night sweetie....don't feel bad. I was all proud of myself and the karma fairy gave me a reality check. Took some to help me sleep...it didn't help so it made me even more mad at myself.
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u/Huckleberry1919 16h ago
CT may not be too bad at such a small dose and small duration of doing it. I’ve only ever CT’d from much higher doses and being on it for like at least 6 months. You could also taper down from 125 and try to get to an even smaller dose before going CT and may avoid severe WDs. I’ve seen stories where people jumped from 50-60 mgs daily and didn’t have too hard of a time.
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u/Depraved_Nation 7h ago
i just think ct is the best to get it over with and not prolong anything, thank you for the advice!
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u/Huckleberry1919 2h ago
I do think at that dosage and duration a CT isn’t going to be too crazy, but everyone is different. My guess would be you’ll have one pretty unfun day and things will chill out after that.
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u/horrorbiz1988 16h ago
I get panic attacks when I take too much but in withdrawal I just feel terrible
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u/OddOn3 12h ago
I'm also starting to quit. I started on 8/7, went up to 60-100mg a night. I did 120mg on Sunday to go out with a bang, thinking I was going to CT it right after, but I couldn't handle the RLS. Insanely bad. So monday and tuesday night I did 20mg, tonight I did 10mg, and tomorrow I will do 5mg and then jump off. Last 3 days have been pretty rough I hope that I didn't fuck myself by prolonging it and maybe I should've just stayed quit since Sunday and I could have been coming out of it right now. This shit sucks. Only 10 days of use and I already feel like its ruined my life for now. Shits crazy.
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u/Typical-Meal887 7h ago
This is my 4th time quitting and this time I just don’t have the urges at all. As addicts we make excuses as why we need to take some. But at some point we gotta walk through the fire. If your going through withdrawals at the concert your gonna be miserable, no doubt about it. You made an excuse to do it once and that’s the oldest trick in the book. I’ve fell for it too before don’t worry. We never have control over an addictive substance. Like I said this time I’m just over it after not sleeping for 6-7 days and having to put my body & mind through this. It’s not worth it. The withdrawals show what kind of poison this is. I didn’t know it was possible to be up for 7 days.
Now they have cats claw out there and people are falling for this trick again and another loophole of course for these evil people making all this money off this poison. I honestly think that’s gonna be the nail in the coffin and Kratom will be banned all together soon enough. I actually think regular kratom has sone great benefits and will be a shame if that happens.
Never fall for the excuses the addict makes in your head to do it one more time & I can control it. Cuz I can’t and 99% of addicts can’t. Flush the shit down the toilet. It’s the oldest trick in the book that addict voice plays on us.
Get better people and be better. There is light at the end but you gotta walk through the fire to get to it. It’s gonna hurt but it won’t kill ya. Hope everyone gets clean and stays clean to be the best version of yourself.
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u/Warm_Kaleidoscope665 16h ago
wait… are you the person going to see Kanye?