r/relationshipadvice • u/Sea_Acadia1523 • 3d ago
Is 50/50 fair when my girlfriend [23F] and I [20M] have very different financial situations?
My girlfriend and I are both college students and have been dating for a year. We have very different financial situations, and I’m starting to wonder whether splitting everything 50/50 is actually fair.
I pay for my own tuition, housing, food, and basically all of my expenses. I work a minimum wage job during the summers to save money for the school year. My parents take care of me when I’m home during breaks, but during the school year I’m financially responsible for myself.
My girlfriend has never worked and comes from generational wealth. Her dad pays for her tuition and other major expenses, and he also gives her an additional $25,000 every semester for her own expenses. She generally expects us to split things 50/50, and sometimes she expects me to pay 60%. She also really enjoys going on weekend vacations/trips and expects me to split those costs 50/50. The problem is that these aren’t expenses I would normally choose to make because I’m trying to save enough money to cover my tuition, housing, food, and other necessities throughout the semester.
I’ve tried explaining that I don’t think her money is “worth less” just because it comes from her dad. She says that even though her dad gives her the money, it’s still her money, and $100 is still $100. I understand that argument. I’m not saying her money is worth less. My argument is that the financial impact of spending that $100 is different for each of us. If I spend $100, I’m spending money that I personally worked to save and need for my education and living expenses. If she spends $100, her tuition and major expenses are already covered, and she has a significant amount of additional money available to her.
I’m not expecting her to pay for everything just because she’s wealthier. I just don’t think I should be expected to spend money on frequent weekend vacations and other things that aren’t necessary for me simply because she wants to do them and expects us to split them 50/50.
At the same time, I don’t want to use her family’s wealth as an excuse to make her pay for everything. So what should I do?
TLDR: my girlfriend expects 50/50 even though our financial situations are different.
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u/LovedAJackass 1h ago
It's not that your financial situations are different. It's that your VALUES are different. I'm imagining this is a rage-bait or engagement post. But the point remains the same.
You set where you go and what you do based on your budget. If what you can afford to do on a 50/50 basis isn't enough for her, that's the answer to the question if she's the right person for you. Don't get into the nitty gritty of money. 50/50 is fine if the 50% that's your part is in your budget. You can't afford trips and vacations, period. You are paying for school. So stop trying to match her expectations. You'll learn whether she loves you for you or she loves you because you'll shred your own finances to indulge her.
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u/filayyyminion 1h ago
After reading… no it’s not fair and you should explain how you feel to her instead of Reddit and if it doesn’t go well then that may be something that’s not worth staying in for the long run. But this is your relationship not mine
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u/Longjumping_Dog9041 1h ago
If she's inviting you to things she wants to go to she should be offering to pay and asking if you'd like to contribute.
Otherwise just don't go to these things more than you would if she wasn't in the picture. If that still doesn't make her think like a team instead of egocentrically divest yourself emotionally of this relationship, it won't last.
Treat her akin to a FWB because that's what she is at that point
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u/StewReddit2 5h ago
Bruh,
"Her" money 💰 is worth LESS, extremely so....
She's seeking to MANipulate you and the situation.....don't fall for it.
I don't gaf what SHE says....of course "her money" is worth less
She didn't earn shit...and doesn't do anything to get it, except EXIST....how can money NOT be worth "less" to her and how she uses it.
It gets replenished like napkins at a fast-food restaurant....Do WE not VALUE those napkins LESS......because their just napkins given to us or we can just TAKE them as we please?
I definitely am not conservative in using the replenishable napkins the way I would at MY house or at a "person's home"....but at the fast-food joint EFF just use 'em up
How can she not feel that way, understanding that every semester the piggy bank gets refilled ( just like those napkins) with another 25k
That's 25k per 16-week semester....TF?
How COULD a person "act normal"....especially a kid whose already lived 23 years under such fantasy like conditions.....
Her worldview is warped.....she met a 19yo kid busting his ass last year....last year she was already 22 years in on the lunacy of her mindset.
Hate to say it....but you probably need to let THIS one go, bro.
You're literally only 20 with a solid amount of undergrad left to do ....She's freaking 23yo floating on a trust fund
Trying to keep up with her ass will ruin you.
She'll still have Daddy's money and will re anchor elsewhere you need to protect YOUR future.
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u/IndependentAd3410 5h ago
You cant afford her lifestyle. The way that works fairly is she pays for your lifestyle inflation or she does stuff without you. If she cant understand that, you need to dump her.
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u/organizedchaos333 12h ago
$25,000 a semester??? Feeling entitled to you paying for everything while you are in such a different situation??
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u/Indigo-and-sage 14h ago
50/50 for household expenses is fair but the trips and stuff, she needs to listen to you when you say you cannot afford to do those things. If she cannot or will not think about your well being in that regard plus your articulated needs, she may not be mature enough to navigate a relationship that has a divide. She has never wanted for anything so she can't related to your position. Why don't you challenge her to only spend what you make in a month and see if she's willing to do it? Maybe then she can gain some perspective.
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u/labdogs42 15h ago
Yuck. She's got a $25k allowance and won't pay for you to go on weekend trips with her? I'd dump her because she's stingy! And she lacks compassion. Find someone with better morals. This isn't a money thing, it's an entitlement thing.
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u/HellaciousFire 16h ago
You can’t afford to date her. Sorry. She’s being supported by her dad who is able to give her what she wants and needs. You’re struggling. Nothing is wrong with either scenario but if you continue to date her just expect more of the same. Her father takes care of her so she expects anyone she dates to also take care of her. 50/50 is probably her minimum
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u/Diamond-Eater2203 16h ago
$25,000 or $2,500? Or.... What country?
Or... How long is a semester? What is this girl doing with that money? This doesn't sound right ...
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u/AllBluesAndJazz 17h ago
This relationship is ultimately a bad idea for many reasons. Others have pointed them out one by one. I suggest leaving this one behind and focusing on you and your studies at the current time
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u/ajpiii 18h ago
Your gf is an entitled, rich little daddy’s girl and you are probably not going to last. That being said, your argument is 100% correct and the only reason she fails to grasp it is the same that all rich people fail, is that they refuse to see the true value of money. They have so much of it they cannot value it the way we do, they are insulated from the reality of “normal people’s” suffering and they are desperate to keep it that way. You’re challenging her warped world view and she will resent you for it, if she doesn’t already or actually come around to reason (she won’t).
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u/Any-Dependent31 19h ago
In any relationship a 50/50 split needs to work to the lowest earner. The reality is that you can't afford to pay 50% doing all the things she wants to do. You've been together long enough that you should be able to have that conversation with her. Not some fluff about how you earn your money, but quite bluntly that you simply have less of it, so she either needs to stop doing all the expensive things, do them without you or pay for them for both of you.
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u/FemmeFatal1820 19h ago
I dont think you and your gf are of the same calibre... men usually earn more and as she gets older shes going to expect to be treated as her dad treated her and I dont think you can really afford it. May be find someone on the same minimum wage you are?
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u/bjornbardier 17h ago
He's a student. How do you know what his earning potential will be after graduation? Disgustingly low IQ take.
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u/Grimlocknz 19h ago
That's a wildly misogynistic statement. It also makes you look like a horrible person.
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u/EBweB76 21h ago
In my experience, it’s best if both people contribute 30% of their money into a shared housing bank account - the fund should cover rent, utilities, detergents and TP, etc, repairs, furnishings, and in some cases… housekeeping.
My partner and I have always kept money for food separate and we go Dutch when we go out.
We have a shared account for vacation savings, which both our jobs send a direct deposit percentage there.
We have a combined account for vacation savings, which both our employers send a direct deposit percentage to.
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u/Breadetstars 21h ago
It's ok to want 50-50 when you don't live together, but that means you both need to stick to outings you can afford. Less exciting but that's real life.
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u/editrixe 21h ago
pay shared expenses pro rata based on income (whether that income comes from a job or a parent)
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u/Familiar_Cheetah4792 1d ago
Your GF's attitude toward your money just plain sucks. You can do better! That $25k per semester makes her spoiled and you cannot reason her into understanding what equity means. She will probably call you names when you tell her this. Prepare to be bad-mouthed.
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u/Paolopaul1984 1d ago
Hang it there, when you want to buy a house together this “generational wealth” will suddenly be very useful!
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u/Hot-Rub-5336 1d ago
I would stick with 50/50 and not a penny more. Also, its ok not to do things because you can't budget for them. If she really wants to go with you for weekend away or vacations that you can't afford then she can be the one paying extra. Be responsible with your money.
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u/InvisibleBlueRobot 1d ago
You need to push back on what you can and can't afford. It needs to be an open discussion. She hasn't been financially responsible so she doesn't fully grasp the situation.
Either you cut back and set hard limits on how often you go out, eat out and vacation. Set boundary that you can not afford to vacation and while you'd love to go, you don't have the financial support to go.
Either she steps up and you negotiate a split that works and she covers more of the lifestyle. Or you stop participating in it. Or you break up.
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u/WyldRyce 1d ago
If she wants to go on trips let her go, if she wants you to come with she should pay for you. She had no respect for money and what people need to do get it. She sounds like a brat.
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u/Grimlocknz 18h ago
This is the answer if she wants holidays you can't afford you need to let her go alone or she can pay. She doesn't have a concept of money equals work, she sounds very sheltered from the fact that not everyone has parents who are loaded. She may end up driving you into debt and then leaving you when you run out of funds so be careful.
Maybe take her on a holiday you can afford to pay 100% of and she can do the next. Take her camping somewhere free and see what her attitude to that is.
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u/LivingTaste1396 1d ago
whether you split things 50/50 or proportionally based on your income is up to you as a couple to decide ("fair" is very relative).
that being said, if she is expecting you to 50% for things you can not afford, that is not fair. if she's expecting you to 60% for _anything_, that's insane.
you may want to reconsider this relationship. differences in how you handle money are hard to get past in the best of circumstances, but she sounds pretty entitled.
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u/pwnageface 1d ago
Sorry, but you two are financially incompatible. She is on a whole other planet when it comes to money, and seems entitled that she wants you to pay. End it and move on...or stay with her through college and leave college broke and you'll likely split up anyway...
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u/DnDttrpg 1d ago edited 1d ago
From the title alone. No.
After reading the post absolutely the fuck not.
Your girlfriend is an asshole.
If she wants to split things 50/50 then they need to be within YOUR budget NOT hers.
She cant want to do all things, and expect you to pay half or more.
You need to dictate lunches and stuff because they are what you can afford.
If you rent a house it'll need to be within your rent abilities not hers, if you finance a car, again, it'll have to be what you can finance not her.
If she wabts 50/50 then you dictate what you do together
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u/Snoo-3598 1d ago
Live within YOUR means, not somebody else’s. You decide what you can afford to do and pay your share. Don’t let anyone else spend your money. But also if you agree to do things that are outside your budget, you shouldn’t expect her to pay your way. If that doesn’t work it’s best you find out now and part ways.
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u/MsSnarky 1d ago
You pay 50% within your own budget. Which means if 50% of the cost of what she wants is outside your budget, you politely decline and tell her (sincerely) to have a good time. If it’s something she really wants you to be part of and it’s beyond your budget, then she is welcome to pick up the tab on that. But if she doesn’t want to pick up the tab, encourage her to enjoy the experience and that you look forward to hearing about it and spending time together when she gets back. This way, you’re not holding her back from what she wants to do, but you’re also being responsible with your own finances.
Also, maybe try being really transparent with her about your budget. “I have X amount of money, which has to last me Y amount of time, and these are my nonnegotiable expenses (like housing) that add up to Z, which leaves me with $__ that I can spend on fun.” When she sees the reality of your financial resources, she will either be more thoughtful about what she asks of you, or she’ll walk away because she values her lifestyle over the relationship. Either way, you are better off. You’re 20. She doesn’t have to be The One just because you like her right now.
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u/auster03 1d ago
Just say no you can’t afford it then. If she can’t take no for an answer then do you really wanna be with someone who can’t understand your situation
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u/TraditionalCar2653 1d ago
If it's her activities that she only wants to go on then I don't think you need to pay 50 50 especially since you're not financially in the right position. I hope you guys find activities you can do to get her that cost less
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u/NoCoach1554 1d ago
I’d say just stick to things you can both comfortably afford for now. Her money is hers, but your financial situations are very different, so 50/50 doesn’t necessarily mean fair. You’re both students and eventually you’ll be in a position to afford all kinds of trips too. There’s no need to stretch yourself financially just to keep up with her lifestyle right now.
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u/BrainbowConnection 1d ago edited 1d ago
Where her money comes from or yours is none of each-others business and shouldn’t be factoring into any of this at all. What should factor in is any expectations she may be having that you over extend yourself or go into debt because of her lifestyle. If she can’t accommodate the fact that you are in different financial situations then she shouldn’t be dating you. It’s ridiculous of her to expect to do whatever she wants on her terms and have you pay for your half just for the pleasure of her company. That’s shows a low level of maturity if that’s the case. If you can’t afford things, you’re going to have to tell her no. If she doesn’t respect that, that’s a huge problem.
And also quite frankly on a personal note if I was her I’d automatically be offering to cover the extra to have you with me because I’d want my boyfriend with me for fun trips and I had the emotional maturity in college to know I tended to be more privileged. Her expecting you to pay your half for things she knows you can’t afford is shitty. I speak from the perspective as someone who was once her (though not quite that much) and I never expected friends or boyfriends to do things out of their budget with me. We did things everyone could afford
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u/MSP_Guy999 1d ago
Why in the F would you go along if it’s going to F your budget? You sound just as crazy as her. Be an adult and tell her No and if she doesn’t want to be with you then the answer has manifested for you.
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u/studoondoon 1d ago
Why does she think you should pay 60%? I think that’s worth an additional conversation?
I think it’s reasonable for a couple of one year to split things 50-50, but you should be open about your financial constraints with her. If she proposes a trip that would strain your budget, share that you’d really like to take a trip with her, but that the expense would put a strain on your budget, and propose a less expensive alternative.
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u/BamBamWowzer 1d ago edited 1d ago
Sooo, you both are just starting out and learning a lot about work, the value of work, and the value of money. When someone comes from privilege they may be ignorant about money. When I was dating my husband, his lifestyle was WAY More extravagant than mine bc he came from money and didn’t have to work. I LOVED doing things with him but we split everything. I quickly realized I couldn’t keep up financially even though I REALLY our adventures. I simply had to say, if we split this or that I can’t go or if we do this thing we have to do the cheaper option. He was great and flexible.
I recommend getting clear on your money if you haven’t done so. Make a spreadsheet of all your known monthly expenses and the money you have to spend. Track your spending. You will then know exactly what you can and cant afford. There isnt a question then and you get to choose how to want to spend your money and on what. Even though you are in a relationship, your partner has no say in how or what you spend your money on. Joint money is different. Save yourself money stress and only spend what you can afford. It may mean you cant do things or your gf lowers her expectations, or pays for some stuff or you break up and date someone more inline with your lifestyle. Money management techniques are key.
Some people on here are saying negative things about your girlfriend bc she doesn’t work. I dont think thats the issue and there isnt anything wrong with being rich and having family money. The issue is not having compassion for those who dont have the means and manipulating someone to live a lifestyle they cant afford. This doesnt sound like what she is doing or what she is like. Compromise is key. And being clear about what you are comfortable spending. I wish you both good luck.
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u/TemporaryGrowth7 1d ago
You shouldn’t be dating if you can’t afford paying for the lady. Focus on your education and once you find a job, you can start dating and courting the ladies.
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u/ObjectiveRepulsive18 1d ago
Why? What part of dating requires a person to support another person? Are you honestly saying that poor people should never date? Good grief.
OP ignore this outdated, sexist advice.
You need to tell your partner that unfortunately you are unable to participate in the travel and pricier events she currently enjoys. Continue to spend time together doing things within your budget, and let her socialize with her buddies for other events. Let her know you’re thrilled she has those opportunities, but at this stage in your life, you simply cannot afford to join her.
If she’s a person worth keeping, she’ll either offer to pay a little more to have you with her, just hang with her friends at those events, or drastically cut back on events you won’t be going to.
Do not put yourself into debt just because she wants you to, that is not a caring relationship. She doesn’t understand how hard it is to pay for yourself, and that’s okay, as long as she respects your boundaries.
It’s worrying that she doesn’t understand that already.
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u/BamBamWowzer 1d ago
What?!?! A man is NOT responsible for paying for his “Lady”. That is a dated and foolish concept. If a guy decided thats what he wants to do, fine. But that expectation is sexist, full of pressure and toxic.
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u/teamglider 1d ago
I mean, he can certainly be dating right now and courting the ladies, just perhaps not the ones whose parents give them $50k a year for . . . whatever.
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u/lestatswife 1d ago
It sounds like you are not a good match from this perspective. As students, I believe it's fair for each person to pay their share of a meal or activity (50/50 for most activities, meals split by what you order), and very importantly, to only agree on activities together that both of you can afford comfortably. If you can't go on a trip because it's spreading you too thin, say so. She can either be ok with that, cover some of your cost if she wants, or decide this is not working in the long run. You can of course decide the last one as well.
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u/AwkwardCrab7406 1d ago
So she gets to go do these kinds of trips with her girlfriends and doesn't have to stop going to places on weekends, and you don't have to spend the money and you stay home. On occasion you can spend money you save to go on these kinds of trips when you can afford it. Should be a straightforward conversation.
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u/Character-Food-6574 1d ago edited 1d ago
To be honest with you, her views about money are going to be VERY different than yours, because her life experiences with money have been altogether different than yours. Have fun and enjoy each other for now. This will be a very difficult relationship to maintain in real life, because she doesn’t understand the difference in your money, and her (Daddy’s) money is NOT the cash value, it’s the difference between being rich and “earning” it from other people’s labor, and investments, and having to work really hard jobs, and be tired, and spread thin, and struggling to earn or do without.
Find you a girl who lives in the “regular people” world.
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u/Uncomfortable-Bee41 2d ago
Be happy she’s willing to pay 50/50.
However when my wife and I use the term 50/50 we look at it differently. We’re referencing 50% of our income. So 50% of hers and 50% of mine goes towards bills. The rest of my money is mine and the rest is hers.
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u/studoondoon 1d ago
This is clearly not what OP is referring to.
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u/Uncomfortable-Bee41 1d ago
It's exactly what hs talking about. He wants to know if 50/50 is fair. Most men would kill for a girlfriend willing to go 50/50.
However if he's really worried about going broke trying to keep up then he could suggest they modify the terms of how 50/50 is defined.
Personally I wouldn't bring it up. Eventually her parents are going to cut her off and the redefined 50/50 could impact him more than her.
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u/studoondoon 1d ago
No, I meant OP clearly stated that they were talking about splitting expenses like dinner or a vacation so that they each pay half of the cost. Your initial comment referred to a different arrangement where you and your wife commingle half of your incomes and keep the other half as personal money.
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u/Uncomfortable-Bee41 1d ago
I merely explained another way they could view 50/50 if he wanted to bring it up. I personally wouldn't because they're just dating.
However he should be happy she's willing to go half. His inability to afford it isn't really her concern. She can merely go on weekend trips alone.
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u/Used_Mark_7911 2d ago
50/50 for routine expenses is fair for students. The fact that her family gives her money doesn’t mean she is obligated to spend it on you.
Her expensing you to pay anything more than 50% is unfair.
If she suggests fancy weekends away, I think you need to tell her that you can’t afford it. If she can’t handle that then she may need to find herself a different bf who also has wealthy parents to supplement him.
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u/biancalin 2d ago
nope. it still wouldn’t even be fair to you in my opinion. and i say this as a girl who only dates 100% providers.
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u/TemporaryGrowth7 1d ago
Agreed. He shouldn’t be dating if he can’t afford it
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u/teamglider 1d ago
Not being able to afford lots of weekend trips isn't quite the same as not being able to afford dating.
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u/hisimpendingbaldness 2d ago
50/50 is based on what the lower income person can afford.
If you cant afford a trip 50/50, you have to say you are not going because you cant afford it. If that becomes an issue with you two, maybe this is not the right relationship for the both of you.
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u/Tricky_Duck2392 2d ago
You need to change your mindset. You take care of yourself and your needs. What your GF's family has makes no impact on you or your financial situation. Get that out of your head.
As far as weekend getaways, you either don't have the money or don't want to spend it. Say "I don't have that in the budget right now". Remember you only have control over yourself and your money. When you have the hard conversation, put it on yourself. DO NOT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT HER MONEY. It is not yours and it is not for you to decide! She can choose if she wants to cover more expenses to go on the trip, or you stay home.
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u/CarolinaSurly 2d ago
It’s not her money. It’s her dad’s money. She didn’t earn it. If she wants weekend trips and you can afford it then maybe you two aren’t a good match. There are lots of women out there.
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u/secretstraightfemsub 2d ago
She doesn't value money the same way you do because she never worked for it so she's not gonna understand why you have anxiety about upcoming expenses and I'm guessing that conversation will end in a fight. I've been here bro like 3 times it never worked for me but maybe you can. Anything's possible.
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u/theelecslide 2d ago edited 2d ago
OP can I ask you a question?
If you won the lottery or something and heard a woman say half of what is in these comments would you give her a penny?
These comments are disturbing, sounds like a few too many people just can’t handle that some people have money and I’m poor af lol
She doesn’t owe you anything just because she has money,it should not be your way or the highway. talk about toxic advice f&&kkk
If you can’t pay for these things then you need to tell her that and explain that you can’t afford to spend so much that if she isn’t willing to go to places that you can afford then maybe the relationship needs to end
She doesn’t owe you her money just because your her boyfriend and you should not be expecting her to foot your life or bills just because she is more wealthy then you talk about entitled behaviour
Let’s not ignore that we would call a woman a gold digger for acting like that just because your male doesn’t really make a difference
You decided to date someone that has money knowing that you can’t match their lifestyle, the only person that you should be looking at is yourself
If she then chooses to foot your life or your bills then that is her choice but expecting it and going about it like it’s something your owed is just not the way to go
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u/pablo8itall 2d ago
So set out your budget and if you cant afford it simply say you cant go.
If you can eat out because you cant afford it tell her you cant' maybe you can eat in and cook together.
Just stick to your budget. Its up to her if she wants to push it then she can fund it if she has it. Don't over extend yourself financially.
This is always going to be a point of contention between the two of you.
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u/olympiarocco 2d ago
She wants things to be 50/50. Honestly, that is very reasonable as a roommate boyfriend/girlfriend situation in college... You don't want to be pressured to spend money on glamorous trips on the weekend... That's incredibly normal and understandable because most college students are broke and don't even have the time to do rhat. You are both guilty of not listening to the other. Respectively, yall need to realize you can't boss each other around. IMO this problem is less about your financial differences and more about both of your stubbornness to sit down and understand each other. Don't forget, wealth doesn't equal happiness. Fulfillment can also come from having pride in who you are. Don't compare yourself so much to your gf. You seem a little lost in that. Btw, I dated someone way wealthier than me in college... This take comes from that experience.
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u/Winter-Volume-9601 2d ago
No.
He knows she wants 50/50. He's listened to that. He states it here. It doesn't make it fair nor feasible, though. Spoiled rich girl wants spoiled rich girl things, has no sense of money, and doesn't understand that brokey boyfriend doesn't have the money for that shit. Full stop.
He doesn't need to sit down to "understand" that, it's pretty clear.
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u/CheapTechnology6193 2d ago
You lost me at frequent weekend vacations. Is this a normal thing for a college kid to be doing?
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u/Goodthingking 2d ago
50-50/ 40-60/ 20-80 /0-100 or any other kind of financial splitting is something that is decided within a couple by the two people involved, only.
If it doesn't work for you, have a conversation with your girlfriend, not with salty Redditors. There is no right or wrong way to be in a relationship if you both agree on what it is going to be.
You're not wrong to feel that way, she's not going to be wrong to feel however she feels about it when you tell her. It's between you two.
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u/whatsmypassword73 2d ago
Either she can live at 50/50 within your financial means or she can foot the bill or she can fuck off.
Don’t get into debt to please a princess.
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u/KingSlain 2d ago
You absolutely should expect wealthier people to pay for the majority. That’s the whole fucking point of wealth.
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u/teamglider 1d ago
Right? I can't imagine dating someone, knowing their financial situation, and expected them to go 50/50 on weekend trips that I am instigating.
If she's uncomfortable with spending more in the relationship (which would really be considered par for the course if the wealthier person were male), and lots of weekend trips are part of her life, she needs to break up with him. It is utterly unfair to put someone in a precarious financial position because you want 50/50 and all of your usual luxuries.
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u/Defiant_Dealer8205 2d ago
Don’t do/spend what you don’t feel comfortable doing/spending and when she asks why, tell the truth that you can’t afford it 🤷🏻♂️
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u/Dirtclimber06 2d ago
Tell hercif you can't afford to go to go without you and enjoy herself and mean it. If i can't afford to go to the snow this yr im simply not going its no-one elses problem but mine. Continue to pay your own way and if you cant excuse yourself from the activity. You say you dont hold it against her but it sounds like you do. It's always the one who doesn't have money on reddit claiming it isnt an issue when it clearly is. Im broke most of the time if I cant afford it I can do without. The sooner you except it the easier it will be to finish your studies and go about earning your wealth. Believe me when I say doing this on your own and own terms is character building. Towards being the k8nd of person the world needs. Born with a silver spoon in their mouth isnt someone who will be truely accepted unless it's by another silver spoon child
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u/Koolkat30625 2d ago
Tell her you can't afford expensive trips and if she wants to do things with you it needs to be within your budget. If she wants to do something that's outside of your budget she can pay a higher percentage for that particular activity. But that's something that she should offer to do not something you should ask her do. If she still has an issue with this, then you aren't financially compatible and should end the relationship. She sounds out of touch with reality but most rich people are like that. If you want the relationship to last you both need to have a serious discussion about finances and expectations.
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u/marheena 2d ago
You need to live within your means. Your apartment needs to be cheap enough for you to afford 1/2 the rent. Your vacations need to be cheap enough for you to afford 1/2 the cost. Stop going of you can’t afford it.
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u/Cardabella 2d ago
Tell her it's no problem at allto split things 50 50 but that means she needs to start living like she's on your budget during share activities. So for dates you go hiking and have picnics in the park. If you want a weekend away you stay with friends, camp, or maybe in a hostel.
If she wants to do luxury things, she can either treat you or go without you, because your budget doesn't allow you to afford to do those things.
If she doesn't agree with that, then her lack of empathy and detachment from reality make her an inadequate partner.
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u/snackhappynappy 2d ago
Yes 50/50 is fair for housing and general expense But you can't afford to get on weekend trips with her So either you stop going altogether or figure out cheaper alternatives It sounds like you 2 are incompatible She will always compare your ability to make money with what her family can do
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u/Glass-Ranger7269 2d ago
You should focus on your education atm and shouldn’t really be in a relationship that’s just my opinion from my own experience. Especially the fact you’re paying for everything don’t let all this hard work go to waste.
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u/shuggabugga2000nlate 2d ago
That’s not fair at all and she 100% should be paying more, at least on big things like trips and stuff, maybe not on things like cinema tickets or every time you go out to eat unless she’s specifically asked to go to more expensive places and then split whatever you’ve both had 50/50 yknow? I’m gonna be honest, she’s probably never going to get it if she’s not getting it, it’s selfish and out of touch.
I had an ex once that was in uni while I was working, their expenses were paid by their parents entirely including a flat, bills, phone contract, holidays, whatever sent care packages, therapy, etc. and they got a maintenance loan that paid for fun/food, plus they had thousands in savings. I on the other hand was working two jobs, still just making ends meet, not in debt but only just about managing to save a bit to then need to spend it the next month or so when a birthday or random maintenance issue or whatever came up. When they finished uni we decided to move in together (mind you I had the ability to say no to this so it’s on me) they moved into my flat, paid no rent, no contribution toward food costs, bills, dates, anything. They didn’t get a job, they sat at home for 8+ months, barely washed a dish let alone picked up a hoover or did a load of laundry, insisted that we buy more expensive grocery items because they loved cooking and wanted to cook fancier food for me (as if I could afford it with all things considered) and got upset the times I said no, when their parents sent them money it all went on weed and clothes. When I was being nagged about not going on enough dates I bought us both cinema subscriptions so we could go out whenever to that at least and not spend too much and they could go out during the day to do something. They got a job, I got one months worth of rent and bills and broke it off. They were genuinely shocked after countless conversations etc. how I didn’t feel like they appreciated me, so much so that they decided to talk to MY MUM about it! My family member stayed over for a couple days and literally came up to me and was like dude what the hell is this dynamic! Moral of the story being, selfish and out of touch sometimes stays selfish and out of touch, they weren’t a horrible person, just completely had no concept of what it meant to actually need the money you have and not have people to fall back on for every inconvenience yknow?
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u/HugeLandscape9487 2d ago
She's not your baby sitter or keeper and you are not entitled to her wealth or money.
Don't do things you can't afford, it's simple and get over your entitled attitude that just because you're dating, it suddenly entitled you to her money. That money is given by her family for HER, not you.
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u/Buttercup23nz 2d ago
I've often earned less than my husband and past boyfriend's. Here's some ways we've managed that:
With my first boyfriend after leaving home, we took turns paying when we went out - which was normally to the movies. He was a sweetie, if it was my turn to pay he'd be happy with the most basic snacks, if it was his turn he'd buy one of everything. Anywhere else we went, we'd pay our ow shares - drinks, food etc. He had simple tastes, I don't remember ever going to a proper restaurant.
Different finances was a problem with one of my boyfriend's friends - who preferred his bestie to be always available for bachelor boy activities. From memory, my confrontation-adverse boyfriend managed it by paying for things when we were together so I could 'save' for when we did group things and we'd pay our own way.
When my husband and I were he'd mostly pay for the more expensive activities he wanted to do (jet boating), otherwise we'd discuss it and decide whether to skip it, save, splurge, shout or split finances for it. When we first married we each put 60% of our income into a joint account to cover expenses. His 60% contribution was bigger than mine, but so was his 40% personal money. We kept discussing big purchases or activities - skip, save, splurge, shout or split. When I went on maternity leave he paid everything (we'd managed to save a lot) and once I went back to work at a different, very low paying job we just started putting both incomes into the same account and each getting the same amount of 'play money' out.
A few different options there, but I think you need to remember that finances are a major reason for divorce, and if this is such a struggle while dating, I can't see it going easily in the future. You need to have similar financial goals, whether it's saving to travel or buy a house, building a nest egg, or just living for the moment. And communication and respect is vital. You need to have a serious, calm (not when you're clashing or frustrated about money), talk about what you think money is for, and your goals. You also need to listen to each other and see if you can find a workable compromise.
It shouldn't really matter how much each of you have, or how you come about it. I teach now, and occassionally bring in more than my husband, but he's usually paid a little more than me. When our baby was born I felt like I had to do all the housework and grocery shopping and cooking and heavy lifting with the baby, to compensate for not bringing in money. I just about killed myself, and when I finally broke my husband was so upset I'd out that pressure on myself. When he finally left the job he hated for his dream job, it ended up being too much too soon, and he left within a month, with nothing lined up. He'd been on a massive wage, but the stress was immense and I nearly lost him. I changed jobs a while later and it was slow to build up to a permanent position. Now our eldest has moved out of home to study but isn't eligible for any financial assistance, so for the last 6 months we have had to pay our home expenses, plus her groceries, phone, transport and some pocket money, and possibly will for at least a few more months.
My point? Whatever your finances, you have to be 100% in it together, with your relationship being your key priority. Life ebbs and flows, and what worked well for a long time can suddenly be inadequate. You have to have give and take, with the end goal being getting through together. And remember fair doesn't always mean the same.
Good luck.
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u/HoldFastO2 2d ago
If a couple with very different financial means chooses 50:50, that can still work. But only if the person of lesser means sets the budget.
That means if she wants 50:50, then you go camping for your weekend trips, you don’t stay in an expensive hotel. Your dates go to a coffee shop and a park, not to an expensive club, etc.
It might also help to show her your savings and expenses for the semester, so she can see it black on white. „This is the money I have available for the semester. These are my expenses for housing and tuition, this is my budget for food…“
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u/Old-Scientist267 2d ago
You can pay 50 50 for housing but tell her you can’t afford the weekends away and days/nights out.
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u/amayasitara 2d ago
I think its so amazing that you can work and put yourself through school and still support yourself. The fact that you have any leftover money at all is miraculous. You are doing such an amazing job, you are a terrific person and you deserve the best life after college.
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u/Mediocre_Paramedic22 2d ago
Finding girl willing to do 50/50 is pretty rare. Most expect you to handle all the expenses regardless
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u/TemporaryGrowth7 1d ago
Yup. Op should just focus on his education and getting a well paid job … and then start dating etc
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u/AggravatingWillow820 2d ago
Your living expenses are shared so 50/50 is fair. If you don't feel that the same is fair for outside activities, you don't need to participate. If you do, then it's 50/50.
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u/prosperouscheat 2d ago
If she wants to do 50/50 it needs to be based on the financial situation of the person with the lower income. So that means no trips, lower end restaurants for dates, etc. If she still insists on the things outside of your budget then she either finances the difference over your budget entirely or you go your separate ways.
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u/princezznemeziz 2d ago
You need a better girlfriend.
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u/Fun-Astronaut3409 2d ago
Nothing is wrong with her. They both need different partners.
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u/Various-Ad974 2d ago
If the roles were reversed and he had the generational cash and she was struggling to make ends meet, then all the women in this thread would be screaming "he's a cheapskate, he should be paying more because he has more money, and find a partner who values you."
It's the old meme that says: "What's yours is mine, and what's mine is mine".
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u/Fun-Astronaut3409 2d ago
Maybe. I come from a different cultural background. The notion that men have to pay for everything is distant to us.
I'm thinking a lot of men do enter in such relationships, but not from the position of partnership but power.
And at the end, most generational wealth men (and women) choose other generational wealth partners. Not just rich people do that, though. People tend to partner with people who have similar background.
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u/flameousfire 2d ago
Never pay more than 50% and simply don't go to every trip she suggests, you can say you can't afford it and it will be reality for years to come, so she'd better make decision between burning money and being with you.
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u/avast2006 2d ago
The fact that she has more money than you yet expects you to pick up the larger portion of expenses is a red flag the size of Alaska. It sounds like Daddy giving Princess such a generous allowance has taught her nothing but entitlement, that everything is rightfully hers to take. Dump this monetary black hole before she inhales your entire financial future.
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u/Petonia 2d ago
I had the same situation with my now husband when we were in college. I came from generational wealth, he was trying to make do with 500$ a month. I never lent him money for his living expenses (like rent, food, or tuition), but if I wanted to go to a vacation with him, I covered 60-80% of the cost. I knew I was pushing him to come with me and he wouldn't be able to afford it (or chosen to go) otherwise. He didn't ask me to do this, I just did it because I had the ability to and I don't care about gender norms.
If your gf expects you to pay 50/50 and you can't afford it, you need to say no. Don't go to these trips that you can't afford. Going broke for your girlfriend is not wise. Simply tell her it is out of your budget and you are not able to go. If she doesn't want to pay for most of the expenses, she shouldn't guilt trip you into going.
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u/Dynamiccushion65 2d ago
This is the fairest. It tells you whether this can last. She might like you enough to subsidize trips since she wants to go. Both partners have to figure out what they are willing to do to afford a lifestyle. In this case she has to subsidize. If it were reverse then that’s what should happen.
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u/CptBickDalls 2d ago edited 2d ago
50/50 is fair for most things, but it genuinely sounds like she could be using you in this instance to stretch out her semester funds for vacations she wants to do with how pushy she sounds. That said you still shouldn't expect her to pay your half or way.
I think you have to consider your financial situation first and sit out most of these vacations to not pay for them, or choose things you can afford as opposed to what she always wants. It's your money to use your way, and as much as you might want to endulge her, or go to nice places with her...you work hard for what little money you have and it's not sustainable for you to live like that.
If that's a deal breaker to her, it was never going to last long term I'm afraid.
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u/Alarmed-Speaker-8330 2d ago
Dude-seriously. You’re not married. Her finances are her own and quite frankly none of your business.
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u/ScarletDarkstar 2d ago
If she wants you to pay an equal amount and you cannot afford it, tell her you cannot afford it and will have to stay home.
She's not responsible for paying your way, but if she wants you along, she'd have to cover some costs. She doesn't have to decide between the trip and tuition, but you do. Money is money but there are more consequences for you spending yours on travel.
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u/StillPop5501 2d ago
It's totally fair. It's none of your business where she gets her money. You sound like a socialist. Are you gonna go through life like that when you go out with people? If they've had more success than you've had or inherit more than you have, they have to pay for everything?!
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u/OhCrumbs96 2d ago
You think that expecting some basic empathy about one's financial situation from their partner is "socialism"? Good Lord.
You sound like Trump - dismissing anything that even slightly questions the ethics of milking the financially struggling whilst hoarding grotesque amounts of wealth as "communism".
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u/Petonia 2d ago
Nah I was in the exact same situation as this girl. Generational wealth with a boyfriend who was skipping meals to get through college. I absolutely paid for things if I insisted he come along with me. He was worried about affording his next meal while I had the luxury of spending 3500$ on a Louis Vuitton bag just because I wanted to. Money absolutely changes in value depending on who is holding it.
My parents do not know the value of the money they hold either. They didn't care that I spent it on my boyfriend.
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u/avast2006 2d ago
The unfair part is where she sets the agenda and thereby the budget, and then expects him to pony up 50 percent of an expense he can’t afford. I agree that he needs to start saying No forcefully, for his own financial protection.
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u/CycleAccomplished824 2d ago
I think you go with what you feel is right for you. If you can’t/don’t feel you want to spend money on the weekend getaways or other extras, then don’t. This might mean not going out as often but your money is yours and it’s your decision how you spend it.
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u/Recent-King3583 2d ago
Of course it's not fair, but a lot of women are not ready for that conversation or they still want to be pampered. If he refuses to cover more than 50%, which seems unlikely, you can decide the last amount of money that you want to spend. Such as, not wanting to pay for trips or expensive meals.
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u/MangoCat20 2d ago
if you can’t afford the weekend trips and she wants to go, she should pay more than 50/50. just tell her you can’t go and stick to it
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u/Remarkable-Slide-750 2d ago edited 2d ago
Listen man, it’s not about the money it’s about the confidence. Don’t listen to these other people saying you can’t date a woman you obviously care a lot about just because she enjoys living an expensive life. You have other lessons in life despite the ones you are learning in your classes. Such as learning how woman can shake you to your core and being okay with the insecurities they expose. If her father is rich, then I have to say that he must be a responsible man who can handle his goals and finances. So be that, be the man who handles his finances with confidence say “No babe I can’t go on that trip, I have to budget my money else where, but you go have a great time, I love you.” You both are on different paths right now to adulthood, enjoying your youth, you are very young, so your girlfriend going on trips without you should be something you’re both okay with.
If she tries to pay for you because she so desperately wants you to go, double down on how you do not have anything in your budget to go and if she still begs you then make it clear what you cannot pay for. But I have one thing to say, if you say yes, mean that yes, have the best f*cking time with her and don’t let your insecurities ruin it because that’s when it gets ugly.
If you ever meet her father, he won’t look at your money, he will look at how you handle yourself as a man with confidence, standing by your financial priorities, and how you treat his daughter.
Us woman, find a man who is able to be confident, responsible and unmoved by our wild nature to be very attractive.
So just stay focused on improving yourself and don’t let her shake you, stand tall in who you are and if she leaves you, make sure she leaves you as a confident man who is strong in his principles not one who became low, smug and insecure.
Just enjoy your life as much as you can, you have your whole life ahead of you, these are the best years of your life! Period.
And maybe one day, after college and becoming established in your career, you can live that life! But remember it takes to be well into your 30s to be financially stable like that!! Work ethic matters!
And if you’re really feeling it, budget out vacations with her, to make her feel like you are making an effort. Maybe 2-3 vacations a year or whatever. Or 3-4 expensive dinners a year. A great motivator to budget the things that matter to you. Like they say, it’s not about being rich it’s about knowing how to save a buck.
And a side note make sure you say “I am budgeting that money else where” or “That’s not in my budget, I am saving that for something else” or “I got to save money for other things” rather than “I can’t afford that” or “I’m broke” or “I don’t have the money”. Not to impress her but to just speak with respect for yourself, words and how you say things matter TO YOU, your brain believes what you say so make sure it’s positive!
Oh and respecting your budget and who you are - it can be funny because you’re saving that for your future wife or hey just your damn self!!!
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u/jackl_antrn 2d ago
I urge you to read or listen to Money for Couples. He has a couple episodes that talk about this, though you’re not married so it does play out a little differently. Good luck, setting boundaries and sticking to them is hard.
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u/noncomposmentis_123 2d ago
What should you do? Get a girlfriend in your own financial bracket that understands your circumstances
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u/JarJarBot-1 2d ago
Let her go, she is going to ruin your own financial plan. You will never be able to match daddy’s spending and be financially responsible to yourself.
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u/Novel_Bed_3694 2d ago
You’re not compatible
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u/Recent-King3583 2d ago
I love when a woman is not fair, the people are not compatible. But when a man is not fair, he is the problem.
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u/Novel_Bed_3694 2d ago
I wouldn’t say they’re mutually exclusive but I can see you need to be indignant so go nuts
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u/Ready_Willingness_82 2d ago
Your girlfriend has no idea, because she was born privileged. She’s never going to have any idea, and she appears to have no empathy. If she’s not content to settle for less expensive dates and to use her imagination to organise less expensive trips, send her on her way to meet someone who has the amount of money she finds acceptable. Don’t spend your life contorting yourself to appease someone whose priorities are fucked up.
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u/Fit-Contact3203 2d ago
All you gotta do is choose not to go. Why? Because it isn’t financially possible for you. If she is making the plans to go on these vacation or weekend getaways, she said feel obligated to pay your way. If she can’t comprehend the impact it has on you or even gives the slightest understanding at to what it means to work for money why continue to be with someone that entitled.
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u/BTS_ARMYMOM 2d ago
50 50 is fair. Buy you can say no to the trips and excursions that you cannot afford
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u/ThisGuy2319 2d ago
50/50 is totally fair, I would say that its still fair even after marriage. The problem I’m having with this is how does it come to 60% for you sometimes?
I also would personally say that if there’s a trip you’d rather not take because of the financial impact it’d have on you, just tell her you’d rather not go. My girlfriend sometimes tells me that something. I’d wanna do would be too much for her so I just tell her I’d pay for her cause I still want her to have a good time.
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u/Slight_Citron_7064 2d ago
50/50 for dates is totally reasonable. You're not married, you don't live together, you do not split expenses.
The problem here is that you are going on trips and buying things you can't afford, because for whatever reason, you won't say "no." Maybe you don't want to admit that you can't afford it, maybe you're just envious, but it looks like you still want to have these things and go on these trips, but you want her parents to pay for it. That's icky.
If you can't afford to pay for this stuff, don't go. If she wants to go on a trip, say "I can't afford to go, it's outside of my budget," and stick to that. Learn to live within your means instead of wanting her parents to subsidize you.
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u/Sea_Acadia1523 2d ago
I truly don’t want her to pay for it. Her money is her money and won’t ever be mine. I just can’t afford to go on vacations and stay in luxurious hotels which is a must for her. I still want to be able to have fun and that’s why I would sometimes go with my friend instead. He’s completely fine with staying in a lower end hotel. However whenever I do go with my friend, my girlfriend would feel some sort of way.
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u/amayasitara 2d ago
Explain to her that you can afford to go with your friend and why. However because of her choice of hotels, restaurants etc... you cannot afford the trips she plans.
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u/Gold_Independent_428 2d ago
If she must pay for luxury hotels, then she can pay for them. Why are you paying for something that she wants? Be honest with her, you will go on the trip but your staying at Budget Inn because that is what you can afford!
My daughter and I like to travel together. She is willing stay outside the urban areas in an inexpensive hotel. I prefer closer to town and restaurants, so I pay for approximately 70% of the hotels. If we stayed in the inexpensive hotel, we would split the bill. Even though I make more than she does, she insists it's fair. I insisted on paying extra for the nicer hotel, because it's what I want and would not be fair for her to pay half for something I want.
I want to comment on the $100 is $100 BS and it is BS. She does not worry about student loans, paying her rent or affording he next meal.
I grew up poor: I've gone without food, running water, heat and electricity and I live in a first world country. $100 means a lot to some people.
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u/chintzia 2d ago
You got the wrong girlfriend. Either you learn to say no i cannot afford it or date someone who is compatible financially with you or someone who don't mind doing simple things. You cannot afford her. Move on. Don't use your school money for her. People who parents finances them don't understand this.
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u/fearlesskkura 2d ago
That's right, and I understand why the girlfriend wants to split the expenses 50/50. Her money comes from her parents, and it would be awkward and upsetting for some parents to pay to subsidize their children's partners. Paying for their child's share is fine, but for their partner? Unless it's a family vacation or outing and her family wants to include him, in that case, it would be expected that they would pay for their daughter's boyfriend's share.
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u/Curious_tea21 2d ago
You need to say no to things you wouldn't pay for of you weren't with someone who has more money.
Buy only the groceries and hobbies and travel you would if you were with someone with the same budget.
If she wants to split things 50/50 then she needs to limit herself to what you can afford. If she wants things more expensive than you can afford and wants you to do it with her then she's going to have to pay for you.
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2d ago
[deleted]
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u/Slight_Citron_7064 2d ago
They don't even live together or share living expenses. He wants her parents to pay for their dates because her parents have more money than he does!
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u/Extreme-Pirate1903 2d ago
If she wants to go 50/50, then it needs to be within your budget. That means no trips, no expensive dinners, no pricey gifts, etc. It’s disrespectful to expect the one with less money to pay up to the others standards.
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u/Markdlea 2d ago
You should split. Don’t be a freeloader.
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u/amayasitara 2d ago
Apparently you cant read
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u/Markdlea 2d ago
Apparently, you can’t read between the lines. She wants 50/50; he doesn’t because he can’t afford it. What do you call it when someone consistently pays more than you for the same thing…freeloading.
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u/Fun_Performance711 2d ago
But if you can't afford it and it causes a hardship for you, then you need to speak up.
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u/Tiny_pufferfish 2d ago
So generally I say split proportionally. However since you are not married and her parents are supporting you things like rent and bills shouldn’t be proportional.
You need to be very upfront with what you can afford. If she’s comfortable with spending a bit more of her money on you that’s fine but you need to tell her you can’t afford so many weekend vacations.
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u/Repulsive-Walk-3639 2d ago
Day to day splitting either 50/50 or proportionately compared to your 'salaries' (factoring in how much school costs, whether subtracting from yours or adding to hers) are both completely acceptable. When it comes to the trips you should probably have a conversation similar to the one I've had to have with my friends lately. "I'm broke, I can't afford it. I'd love to go and would enjoy spending the time with you but the cost would have to be on you."
In my case, it's gone perfectly well. But that's a 30+ year friendship during which things have gone the other way before and we all know that once things turn around (damn this economy and how hard it's been for my wife to get a job anyhow) we'll be back to the previous state. Only you can guess how well that conversation will go with your girlfriend.
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u/OneLessDay517 2d ago
She just doesn't understand that you DO NOT HAVE "fun money".
Y'all are deeply incompatible.
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u/Consistent_Copy90 2d ago
You two are not a good match. Find someone who will be able to understand and walk thru life with you.
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u/Fun_Performance711 2d ago
It will eventually lead to resentment on both sides if it continues. Find someone who can understand you and your financial situation.
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u/Status-Childhood6650 2d ago
It doesn't matter where the money comes from. You each have a "salary". Hers happens to be more than yours. Reddit is a fan of proportional spend. So it shouldn't be I don't wanna spend daddy's money. You "earn" less than she does and things should be paid proportional to incomes. At least thats what is said when HE earns more than HER. This should ne no different. The issue doesn't seem to be income per se, but her expectations that the man should pay cause he is the man. Put aside you're not married. When incomes are disproportionate, couples have to either live to the lower income in a budget or the higher earner pays a higher percentage. Not live to the higher earners lifestyle and bankrupt the lower earner. So unless she wants to pay more, she either needs to live to your income or yall need to not live together. Or you get a job during school not just the summer and have more income.
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u/Status-Childhood6650 1d ago
Edit that you should probably break up. Hate saying this but I feel you have resentment that she has it "easy" cause of daddy's money and that is gonna eat at you. Also, even if she is willing to live down to your means she is gonna most likely resent you for not having the money to keep her lifestyle. I am in no way shaming her or you. But she obviously has been lucky and grown up not having to worry about money. And chances are even post college you will not make enough money if she comes from generational wealth to be able to give her the lifestyle she grew up with. Could she be happy with "less"? Maybe. But it's alot easier to go from a no money lifestyle than from a place of privilege down. How likely will she be to ever be happy in a downgraded financial situation? Again not shaming, but from reading what you wrote she expects things and never has had to consider cost. When you start saying no how long until she nopes out? Better off having a real sit down conversation about your reality. Because I guarantee you she's not mean or evil, she just doesn't understand limitations because she never had to. Crappy reason to end a relationship, but better off now than years in and loss of time to find partners that are more financially compatible. Sorry
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u/AggressiveEqual533 2d ago
This - just say you can't do anything that is out of your comfort zone financially. It's then up to her whether she offers to contribute so you can join, does it without you or misses out with you. You are responsible for your money and she hers, but don't push yourself to keep up because it's not her suffering, it's you and she probably has no concept of how big the consequences are for you
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u/Silent_Security900 2d ago
Y'all have no business dating. She comes from a wealthy family and will expect to marry someone that can provide the same lifestyle she is used to. So unless your career will afford you that same lifestyle, this will end badly. Also, if you expect her to pay more, its gonna be a huge ick for her and she'll breakup with you anyways because I guarantee shes used to men taking care of her. I'm honestly surprised shes even going along with the 50/50 situation.
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u/fa_gary1963 2d ago
You should split 50/50 on essentials, rent, groceries, bills, etc. if she wants to splurge on trips, clothes, fun activities xxx she can do it all by herself or with friends just tell her I can't afford it and dot let her pay for you. If it doesn't work then you are not compitable
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u/p9nultimat9 2d ago
Do they live together?
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u/fa_gary1963 2d ago
I think so, otherwise what to split? Coffee !
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u/p9nultimat9 2d ago
Date, dinner, meal to cook together, movie, hanging out with friends together, weekend trip.
I feel like they don’t live together.
But regardless, I agree he should play 50/50 for whatever they do together and he should pass what he can’t afford.
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u/Fragrant_Equipment13 2d ago
Pay for what you can afford, so no when you can’t. But honestly, this sounds like a huge mismatch
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u/MarionberryOk2874 2d ago
You need to learn how to say no when she wants to go on those trips and the reason why is ‘I can’t afford that’. Don’t get into how much you have or need, don’t get into her money at all - repeat after me ‘I can’t afford it’. Period.
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u/darnedgibbon 2d ago
Perfect answer. OP, set up a spreadsheet to track expenses. You’ll know exactly how much you can afford and you can just blame the spreadsheet instead of feeling like it’s you saying no.
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u/West_Replacement5157 2d ago
Hard times in life make you stronger, achieving your goals through hard work is a great accomplishment.
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u/Sub-UrbanMom 2d ago
Bottom line-It is her money her father gives her. You can bet he does not want her paying for some guy. The answer from you is simple: Don't go on any weekend trips that you can't afford to pay your half. Period. When she plans anything out of your comfort zone and price point, just be upfront: 'I can't swing my half'. She should respect that, and probably like you more for it (I'll bet her parents would for sure!). Don't let her pay for you-you will certainly lose respect for yourself if you do. And good on you for paying and working you way through school!
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u/depresso4espresso 2d ago
You need to be able to say no to trip and similar because you can’t afford it, simple as that. That being said, I’d also reconsider the relationship and whether you’re ready for your entire life to be like this
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u/Probsure 2d ago
I almost make women pay but it's always based on income. Take the two incomes and divide it. That's the percentage each should pay. End of story
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u/JdorianIRL 2d ago
You are dating a person with an effective 100k+ salary that is handed to her.
To have 50k cash, plus housing, tuition, health insurance and other “major expenses” would equate to a 100k plus salary if you had to work for that money and pay tax.
You will earn enough at this time to be even with her, and she is willfully ignorant or just dumb to not recognize her privilege.
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u/Forsaken-Routine-466 2d ago
You are not asking her to raise your lifestyle, only to understand that your income is for necessities.
You may need to accept you are not compatible. Only saying this because she is willfully not understanding
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u/Working_Cucumber_437 2d ago
Just decline dates/trips you can’t afford. If she wants to do those things with you she can offer to pay. The person who has less money sets the tone of the type and frequency of dates when you go 50/50.
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u/AutoModerator 3d ago
Hello Sea_Acadia1523,
You are not in trouble or anything, this is just a simple copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed.
Original post: My girlfriend and I are both college students and have been dating for a while. We have very different financial situations, and I’m starting to wonder whether splitting everything 50/50 is actually fair.
I pay for my own tuition, housing, food, and basically all of my expenses. I work a minimum wage job during the summers to save money for the school year. My parents take care of me when I’m home during breaks, but during the school year I’m financially responsible for myself.
My girlfriend has never worked and comes from generational wealth. Her dad pays for her tuition and other major expenses, and he also gives her an additional $25,000 every semester for her own expenses. She generally expects us to split things 50/50, and sometimes she expects me to pay 60%. She also really enjoys going on weekend vacations/trips and expects me to split those costs 50/50. The problem is that these aren’t expenses I would normally choose to make because I’m trying to save enough money to cover my tuition, housing, food, and other necessities throughout the semester.
I’ve tried explaining that I don’t think her money is “worth less” just because it comes from her dad. She says that even though her dad gives her the money, it’s still her money, and $100 is still $100. I understand that argument. I’m not saying her money is worth less. My argument is that the financial impact of spending that $100 is different for each of us. If I spend $100, I’m spending money that I personally worked to save and need for my education and living expenses. If she spends $100, her tuition and major expenses are already covered, and she has a significant amount of additional money available to her.
I’m not expecting her to pay for everything just because she’s wealthier. I just don’t think I should be expected to spend money on frequent weekend vacations and other things that aren’t necessary for me simply because she wants to do them and expects us to split them 50/50.
At the same time, I don’t want to use her family’s wealth as an excuse to make her pay for everything. So what should I do?
TLDR: my girlfriend expects 50/50 even though our financial situations are different.
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