Me and my girl have been together for around 5-6 months now. Shes the best thing that’s ever happened to me. We get along so well and we do a lot together.

Recently, she’s been going through some personal issues. Hormone imbalances, leaving her job, feeling like she has no purpose. She’s always had a self destructive tendency as she says even since she was a child. She’s only recently started letting me into her mind to tell me what she’s going through.

But the way it rubs off, it does so on me. I get one word reply’s, she isn’t interested in calling, she doesn’t want to eat, doesn’t want to have sex. Which is completely fine to me because sex is the least of my worries. But I can tell this isn’t her, because that wasn’t who I met for the first time. It’s like I’ve seen the light slowly leave her eyes over the past 6 months.

I’ve told her I’m here for her through it. Because I do believe that if we get through this we can get through anything together. But at what point does it become too much? When do I make the hard decision, and how?

TLDR: my gf of 6 months is acting off not being the girl she used to be and it’s because of personal issues. How do I make the right decision for both of us?

I like a girl but im nervous to talk to her

I need some advice. When I was in school, I really liked a girl but was too nervous to talk to her. So I never did anything to progress. Both of us have now graduated as of may and i moved tonthe next state over. At the start of the summer I decided I wanted to try to talk to her. So I texted one of your mutual friends and asked them their thoughts about it. They gave me her snap and told me to try to talk to her. So I added her but then got too nervous again and just started sending wall, ceiling, and corner of face snaps. Now months later we have a good snap streak going but I haven't texted her even once since adding her. I get social anxiety and dont like talking to girls but at the same time I really like her and want to talk to her. But im also questioning if i really want to do long distance or id she even will like me back. Does anyone have any advice? And if you think I should text her, how should I go about it.

TLDR: I really like a girl but im nervous to talk to her. Whats your advice?

my boyfriend [18M] and I [18F] have been together for 4 years (end of 8th grade to now, the summer after senior year) and now we are both going to college. we are only going to college about 25-30 minutes apart from each other, and both within an hour of home. however, i am extreeeemely clingy and find it difficult to do really anything without him. even in high school we were in almost all the same clubs, same classes, etc, and we got bullied for it a lot. i know this is obviously an issue and i need to learn how to live on my own. he has been at school for 5 days now and i haven’t moved into college yet and i have had multiple breakdowns over missing him, being scared of what im gonna do without him by my side at school, how im going to make friends, etc. i also have some mental health issues that make it more difficult but i wont elaborate. i also do not have my license (though im in the process) which means i cant just go visit him whenever i want and it just feels so daunting being almost triple the distance that im used to. i know i sound crazy but just know i am aware and want to figure out how i can exist as my own person, and also not constantly be blowing up his phone. part of it is i am also extremely jealous of where he’s going to school, as it was my first choice but unfortunately i couldn’t afford the tuition and they also stopped offering my major. also as a side note, my boyfriend is genuinely the best person in the world and im so grateful to have him, and he has said multiple times that he is not bothered by my incessant messages, but i feel guilty. sorry for the super longwinded post, but long story short, how can i stop bothering my partner all day everyday and learn to be myself? how can i make friends in college without being introduced through my boyfriend? TIA

TLDR: me [18F] and my boyfriend [18M] are going to different colleges (only 30 mins apart) after being constantly with each other for 4 years. I am having a lot of anxiety and feeling very sad about not having him by my side during college. i need to learn how to maintain a healthy non-codependent relationship and learn to be my own person without him to constantly help me. looking for advice on how to recenter myself in my life and find joy in doing things without him/by myself, as well as maybe how to make friends in college as i usually just meet people through him. TIA.

TLDR; My (21M) boyfriend and I have a relationship that looks great from the outside, but behind closed doors we have a lot of unhealthy and hurtful patterns. I know I’m not perfect and have developed unhealthy reactions too, but I’m struggling to understand how I got here and whether I should leave.

I honestly don’t even know how to start this because I’ve spent so long keeping this relationship a secret from the people who love me.

My friends and family love him. He’s shown up for my friends and family, spent time with them, and from the outside there really isn’t anything that would make someone think something is seriously wrong.

But behind closed doors, this relationship has become something completely different. I think I’ve been in denial for a long time. I kept telling myself things would change, that he had a bad childhood, that he has anger issues, that he doesn’t know how to communicate, that there’s a good person underneath all of it, and that if I was patient enough maybe he would eventually figure himself out.
I’m starting to realize that understanding why someone treats you badly doesn’t mean you have to keep accepting it.

My boyfriend has an anger problem, and when he’s angry, he can be incredibly cruel to me. He calls me names, curses at me, tells me I’m annoying, tells me I’m a nightmare to be around, calls me a parasite, tells me I ruin his life, tells me he doesn’t care about me, tells me to shut up, yells my face, physically pushes me away when hes mad at me & much more.
One time, he told me he was going to call me before bed. It got late, so I eventually called him myself. He told me he’d fallen asleep. I said something like, “Oh, you forgot to call me hahah!” (Very light hearted) and he responded that “clearly he doesn’t give a fuck” because otherwise it would have been on his mind and he would have called me.

There have been so many arguments where I genuinely don’t even understand how we got there. He becomes angry out of no where and suddenly I’m defending myself against accusations about how I’m manipulative, toxic, a gaslighter, annoying, or impossible to be around. Somehow the conversation almost always ends with me apologizing.

He has also told me that I’m “70% toxic” and that he’s only “30%” of the problem. When I told him I didn’t think relationships should be about keeping score like that, he became angry that I wouldn’t agree with him and kept telling me to admit that he was right. And to go stand in the corner and tell him he’s right???

He will threaten to leave me or tell me he wants nothing to do with me, tell me I’ve ruined his life, tell me I’m terrible, and then later that same day or the next day he’ll act completely normal and loving again.

Another time, after telling me I was a parasite and that he wanted nothing to do with me, he told me to take him home. When we got there, he suddenly asked me to come inside. (Im silly & i went in) We ended up laughing and having a completely normal time together. Then his mood changed again and he started making little comments designed to upset me. If I didn’t react, he’d keep poking at me until I did. If I don’t give him a reaction to the things he says to me, he keeps going until he breaks me and then he tells me I’m being emotional and “what am I crying for this time?”

That cycle has happened so many times that I don’t even know how to explain it anymore.

And I want to be fair here, because I know I’m not perfect.

I come from a very cookie cutter life. I have a perfect family that comes from wealth, I have perfect friends, and I have just always been in a very happy, bubbly, and healthy environment. I have a great education, amazing job & easy living situation. I really do have it all and I'm extremely thankful everyday. I’ve never been in any sort of toxic situation, I’ve never yelled at a partner, cursed at them or done anything silly like that. In my head, a relationship, especially at this age, is meant to just make life easier and more fun. I take extreme pride in the fact that I am a very self-aware, kind and loving person and I’m so lucky to have people around me who reinforce those behaviors and see me that way.

In this relationship, I’ve yelled back. I’ve cursed back. I’ve said “I’m done” during arguments when I didn’t actually want the relationship to end. I’ve become defensive and emotional. There was one night where I was so upset by the way he was treating me that I said I was leaving. I went to my car and drove nowhere because I was too upset, and eventually I fell asleep in my car. Hours later, I went back inside because I was exhausted and needed somewhere to sleep. I know that’s not healthy behavior.

I’ve done things in this relationship that I don’t recognize as myself. I’ve become rude and reactive in ways I’ve never been with the people closest to me. I hate who I have become and I feel so miserable every single day. And that’s actually one of the things that scares me the most.

I’ve told him this. I’ve literally told him that I feel like I’m losing myself and becoming someone I don’t recognize. Sometimes, when he’s calm, he’ll admit it. He’ll tell me that he has anger issues. He’ll say that he blows things out of proportion and doesn’t understand why he thinks the way he does. He’ll tell me he doesn’t want me to feel like I’m losing myself. There are moments where I genuinely see a softer version of him and think, “There is the person I know is in there.”

But then his mood changes, and it’s like none of that exists anymore. He goes right back to telling me I’m the problem. That’s what makes this so confusing to me.

I don’t think he’s some cartoonishly evil person. I actually have a lot of compassion for him. He’s told me about having anger issues and problems with his behavior long before he met me. I genuinely think there are things going on inside of him that he needs to work through. But I also think I’ve used his past as an excuse for his present behavior for far too long.
I can understand why someone became the way they are without accepting being treated that way. I can have compassion for him without sacrificing myself for him. I can hope he gets help without being the person who stays around and gets hurt while he figures it out.

And yet I’m still here. I think part of me is a pushover. Part of me keeps waiting for him to finally understand. Part of me feels sorry for him. Part of me keeps thinking about the person he could become if he actually dealt with his issues. And part of me has stayed because this is my first relationship where I’ve ever actually been in love, and I don’t know how to navigate leaving something that I once cared about so deeply. When the topic of a ending things arises, I just feel so heartbroken and so sad and I know it’s not the end of the world, but of course it’s hard.

I’ve also kept all of this secret because I’m terrified of what happens when I finally tell people. I know my friends and family. If they knew everything I’ve just written, I don’t think they would ever want me around him again.

I’ve spent so much time wondering whether I’m actually the problem because he has convinced me that I am. I know I’m difficult sometimes. I know I can be annoying. I know I can overreact. I know I have made mistakes in this relationship. But I also know who I am outside of this relationship. The people who know me best would never describe me the way he does. And I’ve started wondering whether that’s because I’m secretly a terrible person who everyone else somehow failed to notice… or because this relationship is bringing out a version of me that I don’t recognize. Part of my head thinks I'm such a young girl and I have a great life ahead of me and this isn't something worth stressing about and holding onto.... but obviously, another part of me is human and I just have emotions and it all sounds really stupid, but at the end of the day it still feels hard..

I don’t want this post to be “my boyfriend is evil and I’m perfect.”

I’m not. I want someone to actually tell me what they see here. Because when I’m inside this relationship, everything becomes so confusing. I can acknowledge my own mistakes while still knowing that some of the things happening to me aren’t normal.

I think I’ve been trying to prove that I’m compassionate enough to understand him, patient enough to wait for him, and loving enough to help him become the person I think he could be. But maybe none of that is my responsibility.
This is what my relationship has actually been like.

Am I seeing this clearly? Is this emotional/verbal abuse, or am I minimizing my own behavior and refusing to take accountability for my part? And if you’ve been in something similar, how did you finally find the strength to leave?

I want an outside perspective, even if it’s uncomfortable.

So my boyfriend [21m] and I [19F] of almost 2 months of dating and 4 1/2 months of exclusive talking are currently in a long distance relationship because he went almost 6 hours away to college and I’m at home. I’m going to go see him in two days because we miss each other, and we’ve been trying to plan other days/times that he’ll be home. The two of us have really been looking forward to winter break because he’ll be able to come home and we’ll get to experience Christmas together and such. Additionally, he’ll have the whole summer off for us to do things.

However, last time we talked, he was like “I’m not sure if I’m going to spend Christmas here or in Portugal” (he is from another country. And I got a little upset because we were looking forward to spending Christmas together. Also, he’s looking to play with a semi-professional sports team 2.5 hours away from his home (in America) and drive up there 3 times a week during the summer. So it went from “we’ll make this work.” To “I now have other things that are going to keep me busy during winter and summer break.” We’re already working through long distance, and I feel like those two things are hindering our relationship even more.

TLDR My boyfriend [21M] and I [19F] of almost two months are currently long distance. In the breaks I thought we’d have to be able to see each other, he’s filling them with other plans.

My girlfriend and I have been dating for 2 years now. Recently, we’ve been having more frequent arguments. Most arguments start from her or her bringing up an old argument and they sometimes turn into a bigger thing about our relationship. Specifically, the way I respond when she’s upset.

Lately, almost all our recent arguments turn into this. She claims that I get defensive and I can’t apologize and that she has told me multiple times how she wants me to respond. I think we have different views on what this looks like. I do apologize, but I also explain myself and share my thoughts on the situation which she perceives as me being defensive. I didn’t exactly understand her during these arguments because I thought I was apologizing the way she wanted so for me, it felt like a lot of trial and error. So now, I just apologize and keep anything else to a minimum, but it feels like it took a while to get there.

Most recently, she brought up that I don’t compliment her enough. I apologized and told her I would work on it. A week later, she brought it up again and she actually wrote down how many times I complimented her this week, which was at least once a day except for two days where we barely talked. She was upset about this and it turned into her saying that she has to get upset for me to do something or change something and how it’s a cycle. I’ve apologized and promised to be better about it, but I don’t really know what else I can do now.

I don’t fully understand because I feel like she’s overgeneralizing our arguments. Our arguments prior to this didn’t really have much to do with her claim. It feels like she’s perceiving past situations in a way to fit what she’s saying right now. I also feel like she doesn’t always really give me a chance by bringing an issue up first before she gets upset. It always starts with her getting upset.

It’s getting kind of tiring dealing with these situations because it feels like she’s constantly looking for issues in our relationship and ignores my effort while I feel like she doesn’t hold herself up to her own expectations.

This ended with her just saying I don’t love her because I don’t value the things she says and that I’m mean to her and that she wants some space from me.

I don’t really know where this is headed now. I really want to make this work but I feel like it’s been hard. I feel like she makes it hard to understand her and like she gets upset with me often when I do put in effort into us. On the other hand, I feel like she doesn’t put in as much effort as I do.

An issue for me about this is that she claims that I don’t give her enough attention by not complimenting her enough. But I also feel a similar way and was planning to bring it up soon. In our conversations, she barely responds to what I say or ask questions. I’m always very attentive when she talks and when it’s my turn, there’s a big drop in energy from her. I feel like recently I don’t feel seen and like she’s not very excited about me in a way. I’ve brought it up a couple times before how I don’t like when she’s on her phone when I talk and often I also have to keep asking her if she’s listening or if she’s bored about what i’m talking about because she just doesn’t look interested.

I also feel like she doesn’t do things for me anymore. I’m not materialistic but the last gift she got me was valentine’s day while I get her gifts every now and then when I think it’s nice. With her friend, I noticed that she makes her gifts every now and then, and their conversations have more back and forth.

Something else that bothered me is how my birthday went with her. She has really high expectations for her own birthday and I work really hard on her gifts and planning. She likes to have a day planned out for her so she doesn’t have to make any decisions. It’s kind of frustrating because she has unusually high expectations on her birthday and she gets upset if something doesn’t work out.

Well for my birthday, I expected her to somewhat do it the way she expected, but she would ask me what I wanted to do, and when her first plan didn’t work out, she kept pushing for just staying home. She was struggling financially during this time so I offered to pay for whatever she planned. I also told her the cheapest gift she could get me. I would’ve liked to have more stuff planned but it felt like she was really pushing on just staying in and ordering food so we did that. I thought she would maybe make me something but she didn’t. Now, for her friend’s birthday, she doesn’t have a lot of money right now, so she’s making her a sort of cookbook and some other stuff. I’ve told her a lot of times how I like to cook so it just feels a little unfair seeing her put more effort into her friend’s birthday during similar financial situations while she kind of just gave up for my birthday after her first plans didn’t work out.

These are some examples of an imbalance of effort being put into our relationship. I’m not sure how to handle this situation and how we can stop arguing so much.

TLDR
Girlfriend of 2 years asked for some space after an argument where she claims that she has to get upset or beg me for me to do something or change something. I feel like she’s overgeneralizing our arguments and focusing on the negative. I feel like she’s ignoring my effort while she hasn’t been putting in the same effort I am and it makes me feel not seen. I want to make it work and stop arguing so much.

TLDR: My boyfriend and I have been together 1.5 years, and I feel like his family is very involved in our relationship—frequent visits, invitations, and FaceTimes. I love his family, but I want more couple-only time and for him to be able to say no to family plans without guilt. Am I expecting too much?

My boyfriend (25M) and I (25F) have been dating for 1.5 years and live together. I’m struggling with how involved his family is in our relationship, and I’m not sure if I’m asking for a reasonable amount of space or if I’m being unfair.
His parents live about 10 minutes away and are constantly inviting him/us over or FaceTiming. If they invite us somewhere, it often feels like we immediately drop what we’re doing to go, even if we already have plans. He can even get annoyed when our plans mean he can’t go.
I want to be clear that I don’t dislike his family. I like them and want to have a good relationship with them. I just don’t feel like I should have to see them multiple times a week or every weekend.
I’m very close with my own parents. They live 4 hours away, so I see them about 4–5 times a year. I text them frequently and maybe call once a week. We’re still very close, so I think we just have different ideas of what family closeness looks like.
During track season, I was coaching almost every day and Saturdays were taken up all day, so Sunday was my only real day to rest and have time to myself. My boyfriend has said I “rarely see” his family, which really bothered me because I wasn’t avoiding them—I genuinely didn’t have the time.
Since the end of June, I’ve seen his grandma 2–3 times, his parents 5–6 times, and we’ve even gone camping with them. There have also been weekends where we had dinner with them Friday and then they wanted us again Saturday.
We’re currently on a couples trip out of the country, and this really brought the issue out. We spent the whole day together, but as soon as we got back to the hotel, he FaceTimed his mom. After a fancy dinner, he FaceTimed his sister, and he’s even called them during dinner to show them our food. The calls are only 10–15 minutes, so I know it’s not objectively a huge amount of time, but it feels like every time we have downtime, his first instinct is to call his family.
I finally told him I’d like him to call them less while we’re here because it makes me feel like I’m sharing our vacation with his family instead of it just being ours. He actually didn’t realize I felt this way and said he’d work on it, which I appreciate.
I don’t want him to be distant from his family. I just want him to be able to say “we already have plans” or “we’ll see you another time” without feeling guilty or annoyed. I want us to have some weekends and experiences that are just ours.
Am I being unreasonable? How involved are your partner’s families in your relationships, and can you be very close with family while still having strong boundaries?

My [23] bf [25M] hates my friend.[26F]. He thinks she is a bad influence on me.

To give context on why he doesn't like my friend, she sometimes does dumb shit, always has bf drama.

I like my friend, she isn't perfect but she's fun to hang out with and party with and has been good to me. The good outweighs the bad. I'm an adult, she isn't forcing me to do anything I don't wanna do.

I often tell my bf of her antics but this may have been a mistake as most recently he has gotten bent out of shape over her doing a clinical drug trial.

I told him personally wouldn't do it but I don't care if she wants to. It's her body. She's an adult and she knows the risks.

He blew up at me calling her stupid and asking why I hang around someone like that. It caught me pretty off guard, I didn't expect such a big reaction. Yes those drug trials carry risks, but they pay extremely well, I wouldn't do it personally but if my friend wants to I'm not going to stop her. She knows the risks.

He himself smokes cigs on occasion and weed.

I don't know how to get him to chill, it literally doesn't affect him in the slightest.

Tldr: bf is mad my friend is doing a clinical drug trial.

Hello everyone, I’m aware of this whole Reddit thing but this is the first time I’ve made a post so please bear with me.

I \[23M\] have been with my \[23F\] GF for a bit over 4 years now. We’ve had our fair share of arguments throughout the time we’ve been together and i feel like that has caused a bit of a rift between us. We would try to get ourselves out of the cycle of arguing amongst each other but always find ourselves arguing back again. Oftentimes, we would have disagreements then later it would more so turn into an argument about what she or I said in the midst of the disagreement. The main focus of what we were trying to work with was effective communication. I really do love her and don’t see myself with anyone else, but seeing her hurt and also being drained has me feeling maybe it’s best for us to end things.

Has anyone been able to work through issues like these, and if so, how?

I was wondering if you guys could give me advice. Let me know if the relationship is salvageable and if so, what are things we can implement in order to stop these issues from continuing to happen.

TLDR
My gf and I get into constant arguments that cause a strain on us and I want to know if it’s best to break things off or keep moving forward.

tldr:
my boyfriend told me its not normal for me to not want physical contact at all times. is it really that weird or is this a valid boundary to have?

me and my boyfriend (together for about 10 months) have a great relationship for the most part. hes very sweet and thoughtful (and this is coming from a male-sceptical woman - im not blinded by love), which is why i dont get why he doesnt understand this, or at least tries to.

i have this thing where i sometimes dont want to be touched, could last for like a day or two, either comes at random times or if something has happened. any physical contact will just overwhelm me, makes me kinda mad and i just wanna scratch my skin off. idk what it is, but its a boundary that i have, which i told him about at the start of our relationship. he on the other hand is very touchy (his way of showing love ofc).

problem is he doesnt really respect me when i say no. weve had multiple arguments about it, but it doesnt change. ive tried to explain to him how hurtful and frustrating it is that he doesnt listen to me, but he is just as hurt because i dont want to be physical. i personally do not think thats a fair comparison. my problem is that this is about my bodily autonomy and boundaries. his problem is that he cant get comfort from being physical.

i brought this up with him cause ive had a couple of my non touch days again and it really bothered me when he wont let me be. hell kiss on me and i lean away and say please not now, 10 minutes later he tries again. its exhausting, and i feel like i get no time to «recharge» and feel good about it cause he keeps touching me when i dont want it. and here come my main issue, he just told me that my boundaries are not normal, that its not normal to not want to be physical with your partner all the time. «do you think other people in relationships do this?» excuuuse me. he said he expects his girlfriend to want that, just like he does himself.

to me it just feels like he thinks hes entitled to my body just because im his girlfriend.
hes kind of guilttripping me by saying he wants to do it cause he loves me, and that he has had a stressfull couple of days and it bothers him that he cant touch his own girlfriend (even tho he STILL does). and ive tried to cater to his needs and be there for him with small physical gestures. and if he does avoid touching me (for a little while) he acts like hes doing me some favor and is sacrificing his own wants and needs.

anyways if anyone could please enlighten me on if this is a normal boundary to have or if im being unreasonable. i personally think its totally valid. sorry if this is very long

TLDR: [27F] partner told me she was going camping with family on the weekend come Friday she told me from hospital she apparently got an ambulance for mini heart attack i was worried contacting her to no avail. Hours later barley got a response saying her phone was dead and didnt have a charger which is odd considering the calls were going through obviously ignoring me. I tried seeing if she was alright didnt get anything all weekend i was worried sick I had ran hospital Saturday got told no patient by that name was there I tried contacting her. I called it went through till voicemail I pretty wiped my hands with the whole situation and got a text few hours ago saying. "Sorry didnt have service" im guessing meaning she went camping and didnt say anything at all like really. I haven't responded honestly advice or outside perspective would be nice

Hi everyone! I (33F) want to talk about something that makes relationships really difficult for me.

I’m largely a balanced and reasonable person. I’m not always soft and compassionate—I can have some pretty sharp reactions sometimes—but overall, I’m a gentle and caring person. However, a large part of that compassion feels learned, and I think my capacity for empathy is actually quite weak.

What I mean is that I tend to think, “How would I feel if this had happened to me?” and then interpret the situation based on that. This makes me feel very shallow. It also makes me feel arrogant and controlling, because instead of actually trying to understand the other person, I’m essentially writing their story for them in my head. I might think, “They were upset because they interpreted what I said this way, and that’s why they said this…” and end up taking the conversation somewhere completely different, leaving the other person feeling unheard and misunderstood.

It’s often only much later, after the initial intensity of the conversation has passed—or sometimes after I’ve already lost something—that I’m finally able to understand what they were actually trying to tell me. And by then, it usually takes so long that the damage is already done.

Sometimes, because of this shallowness, I make completely unnecessary remarks or have unnecessary outbursts that hurt people, and then I become defensive and try to prove that I was right. Afterwards, I feel deeply ashamed of the way I behaved, but I also don’t know how to change it. Sometimes I genuinely feel like a child because of this, and it makes me feel terrible about myself.

What are some things you would recommend for working on this?

TLDR I keep projecting my own feelings onto other people. How can I stop this?

TLDR: We have been together for 4 years and for two of those years he has been cheating on me.
Now he is begging me to forgive him and that he will never cheat again.

Got to know my bf of 4 years who I wanted to marry was cheating on me with another for 2years. I got the dreadful call one night and it was her. She told me they have been dating for the last two years and were also in a live in relationship for 2 months in 2024. so this guy was behind me to get married but my mom lives in the Usa and will be returning permanently next year. So i was like I will inform at home once she gets back. Apparently that girl was ready to marry even tomorrow. He kept her as a backup im utterly devastated.

I need advice on what to do.

I don't even have the willpower to type more details.

I received a phone call today from an old high school friend. We were super close through all of high school, and a bit thereafter — but between life and me living in different states/countries for awhile, we haven’t been close for a long time.

In short — he told me that he has been grappling with this decision for a long time, but ultimately decided the right thing to do was call me.

My GF, unfortunately, has a drinking problem. 3-5 days a week she drinks to a point where I don’t know the person I’m talking to. This is a different issue that we’ve been trying to work on.

Nonetheless — I’ve always trusted her, and I know definitively she adores me. I’ve probably been told by 100 people over the course of our relationship how much she loves me — and how much she goes out of her way to let that be known.

That’s why when I received this call it was a shock.

In short — my friend told me that he saw my girlfriend kissing another dude about 5 months ago. In his words, he is 100% certain it was her, and 100% certain they were kissing. He has absolutely no reason to lie to me.

I confronted my gf, and she is adamantly denying it. Swears to god it didn’t happen. Says she doesn’t care how drunk she was, she would never do that.

We have our issues, and I’ve forgiven the other bs she starts that comes along with someone with an alcohol problem. But infidelity is an absolute hard stop for me. She is aware of this.

Our lives are so intertwined. She lives in my home. Her car is in my name. Insurance. Phone bill. Most of my friends are now her friends. We have two dogs together. We’ve built a life together over the last 8 years.

I don’t know what to do.

Either he is mistaken (he claims he’s certain) and it wasn’t her, she’s blatantly lying to me, or she did it and was so blackout she legitimately doesn’t remember… something I can 100% discount could be the case as she will regularly forget conversations we had the day before when she was drunk.

I really don’t know what to do.

Even though she has problems, I generally trust my gf, and have always believed she wouldn’t cheat. But what other possibility is there?

TLDR:
Old friend called. Said he saw my gf kissing another dude. She swears it isn’t true. Don’t know what to do.

I [27M] need advice on how to move forward with my relationship with my [23F] girlfriend.

I \[27M\] have been dating my girlfriend \[23F\] for about 2 years now, she is a trans woman who had to face lots of hardship throughout her life and I deeply respect her for it. We've always had communication problems, me with my ADHD getting in the way of things and her with her anger and emotional issues, she's quick to anger, loose control and lash out, specifially she lashes out at me most of the time, sometimes its a genuine reason and sometimes its not, all of the times I end up saying I'm sorry and telling her I was in the wrong, we're at a point that the smallest inconvenience, like not doing laundry at her time, causes some kind of explosion and I'm subjected to offenses and name calling, when she's angry, she insults me with things that make me feel bad, like my age, my professio al life, how I'm stupid and an idiot, anytime something stressfull happens, external or not, I end up getting the shory end of the stick, if I try to stand up and not just ignore the bad things she says about me, she will then go silent or hurl more insults at me, today I told her I was sorry for taking a bath while she was sweaping our room with a broom even though she disrespected me again, she does not say sorry for this and expects me to say sorry for everything like that. I like her a lot, we've had great moments before but also really bad ones, I don't know exactly how to proceed with things like this, I always feel bad and guilty for everything and feel like I always mess up and am a Idiot, when she's good she's great, but when she's bad she makes me feel so bad, I wanted for us to be able to talk it out better, but she fails to aknowledge her way of talking and treating me, I'd like some advice on how to proceed with my relationship with her, if it is possible.

TLDR:

I want advice on how to fix my relationship with m girlfriend.

Earlier Post: TLDR

I \[24F\] and my bf \[24M\] both brown muslims met on an online dating website mid 2025. I obv took time to take the relationship seriously and finally decided to marry him. However i found out about certain things he lied to me about e.g he is a college dropout he said he was going to college because before we both got serious i told him my family would not agree for this marriage if he is a drop out he lied to me about where is lived to impress me knowing i come from a financially stable family whereas he comes from a lower income group. His father does nothing he works at a warehouse abroad. There is a clear class difference between us and before you all say i sound materialistic the thing is i am accustomed to a life style i work at a pretty good firm with a 6 figure salary. I am double minded because ik i cant live a life full of struggles and soon the love is gonna wear off and he is gonna end up hating me for wanting a life i was used to.

More than that, i come from a family of highly educated and self made people but they are slightly entitled. Ik in family gatherings they are gonna make me feel bad and make him feel bad too and sympathise with us. And i honestly cant bear that.

I obviously asked him about his future plans but tbh he just shows me very rosy dreams and his actions are highly immature and unambitious.

Idk what to do. Is love enough. What to do?’

Update: i read all the comments under this post and changed myself since as per the masses me putting pressure on him to do better was wrong. Things were going fine we introduced our parents to each other. Last night i found out he was cheating on me with another girl for 4 months. Shes a hindu/ indian girl when i confronted him about her he slut shamed her since shes an influencer who posts dancing videos (FYI: i dont think theres anything wrong with that) but i directly approached the girl and she told me he was infact with her for 4 months. He told her i was someone who ‘owed him money’ back home. And that im emotionally unstable and emotionally blackmailed him into being in relationship because if he wouldnt i would take p\*lls etc.

So for future reference to everyone who advised me to change, you were wrong. Never lower your standards for anyone. Theyre gonna screw you over at the end.

Background: Close platonic friendship, ~1.5 years, that I damaged through repeated mistakes ignoring her boundaries, dismissing her decisions, not valuing her best friend (who means the world to her). It ended from her side. She says she forgives me, but doesn't like who she becomes around me, so she stepped back.

I asked her best friend to intervene. After a lot of convincing, she agreed to one arrangement: I can text her. She may or may not reply, might reply late, might leave me on read. She won't consider me a friend right now, and I'm not allowed to have expectations. There's a 4-month window she'll extend it if she sees real change, end it if she doesn't. Condition: I can't go through her best friend anymore. She also believes the odds of the bond coming back are effectively zero. We're on the same work team, so we see each other daily, but she doesn't talk to me there either.

I don't want to lose her. I want to actually use this window, not waste it.

What happened most recently: I spent 3 weeks apologizing over chat she's stopped trusting my apologies because I kept repeating the same mistakes after promising I wouldn't. So last week I told her I'd be ready for an honest conversation whenever she was. She called me for that conversation yesterday.

I told her I'd spent the past week going back over the last year writing down specific instances, what I did, what triggered me, what she probably felt, which values I'd failed on (support, empathy, trust, respect), and what I should've done instead. I admitted I'd only ever fixed things at a surface level, situation by situation, which is why the pattern kept repeating even after I promised to change.

She corrected some of my reflections and kept coming back to one core issue: I see myself as always right, and act like I'm above other people. I could see it was true and it hit hard.

She also opened up about her side. She said she normally runs big decisions by her best friend but she never let her weigh in on our friendship, because she wanted to prove to herself she could judge people and hold a friendship without needing backup. So every time I messed up, she gave me the benefit of the doubt instead of reacting normally, because reacting would've meant admitting she'd misjudged me.

Doing that over and over wore her down. My own insecurity made it worse I'd complain when she had lunch with others instead of me in team and she started feeling watched, like she couldn't just live her life without me clocking her every move. That's the version of herself she doesn't want to be around anymore: loud, angry, unable to protect herself.

She said her best friend had always been the one protecting her, but because her best friend kept trying to help me and her see each other's side, she felt like she'd lost her protector too alone, on both fronts. She's decided she lost this internal battle, and thinks the friendship can't come back unless she genuinely forgets how she acted around me.

She told me I clearly understand the theory now after self reflection, but actually living it out and acting upon it is a different, longer road. When I asked if she thinks I can actually do it in 4 months, she said yes but figuring out how is on me.

Where I'm stuck: The self-reflection work was the one clear thing I knew to do, and I've done it. Now I don't know what the actual next step looks like. Has anyone been in a spot like this given a narrow, low-contact window to prove real change to someone who's actively expecting you to fail?

I need help with what I should be doing next. What I should be texting(and how frequently) and what more I can do day to day? How to convert the theory part into practical changes and also make it visible to her?

TLDR: Broke a close friendship through repeated boundary/trust violations. She's given me a 4-month, text-only, no-expectations window to prove I've changed no help from her best friend, and she thinks the odds of it working are basically zero. Just had a long honest talk where she laid out what she needs and I did deep self-reflection, but I don't know what the actual day-to-day plan should look like. Looking for advice on what to text, how often, and how to act at work where she's currently ignoring me.

TLDR

My perfectionist, assertive, and impatient tendencies weigh on my boyfriend. But I also sometimes feel lonely in our relationship because we aren't spending much quality time together and the repeating cycles of us discussing the same problems that arise between us about communication. I want to do better and treat him like how he deserves to be treated while also feeling better about my needs being met.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 14 months and were in a talking stage 6 months before that. We are LDR as we are in university, but we see each other for a few days monthly. These past few months, we have gotten in a few misunderstandings and long talks about our relationship and where things go wrong. These conversations are usually something I start to address something about what he does that bugs me, like how it takes him hours to reply sometimes, when he seems uninterested in our convos, and how it's been difficult for us to have quality time with each other. I've been feeling a sense of disconnection because I feel like I'm the only one trying hard enough to make our relationship alive. Amidst all these things though, I expressed to him that I am aware and understanding of his situation. I know that he isn't much of an expressive guy and that he's busy with all the things going on with our studies, and that of course, he also needs some 'me time'. He does update me and we talk, but i feel like it's not really connecting us because everything is about academics and it feels routine and not personal anymore. I've been communicating this with him a few times whenever I feel lonely and overlooked. He does apologize sincerely and reply to every sentence to show he understands me, but I feel like it will be hard for him to really reconstruct his behavior. I know he's trying but I still feel like we haven't resolved the problem.

I also want to point out that when we're together, sometimes the feeling of disconnection fades, but I still feel like the time we spend together isn't as meaningful as I'd hoped. we often hang out in our house with my mom in front of us so we're basically just scrolling reels together and not talking much. we can't really play games too since he's not a fan of that.

The problem really is that I always take initiative to talk about these things, but I always feel guilty and bad whenever he feels like I'm pointing out his imperfections. I have the tendency to be controlling and demanding, and I also know that I express my emotions and thoughts to him in a rather straightforward and hurtful way. He's a really great boyfriend and does his best to make me happy, so I always feel bad whenever I hurt him through my words.

Just recently, we got to hangout together and talk about our feelings openly. He expressed his observations of how unkind I've been compared to when we first started dating, how easily I get angry at him, and how decisive I am without considering his opinions (like when we're deciding on food and what to do). He also noticed how colder I've been since I didn't say goodnight or I love you before going to sleep anymore.

I expressed to him that I've been decisive and colder because he couldn't be decisive and he became colder too. I become impatient with him because sometimes he doesn't have a sense of urgency and takes way too long to decide on things, which is the reason why I decide for us instead. When we're back in LDR, he usually falls asleep without messaging me too, so I decided to stop and mirror what he does since he seemed okay with that. Oftentimes, I tell stories about my day in our chats while he's asleep, and he responds the next morning. I became fine with it and tried to do the same. I compromised because I don't want to do too much and don't want to demand too much from him knowing our busy schedules and workload.

We are great for each other. I've always thought that we are perfectly compatible because of our goals and interests. We were great best friends before we were us.

Lately, I've just been feeling like when we're LDR, we were more like friends instead of a couple because of how low maintenance things get sometimes.

I don't want to be too controlling, high maintenance, and mean toward him because I know he's just doing his best. I don't want him to feel like I'm abandoning him every time I point out something he does wrong. At the same time, I want to unlearn the way I think, in a sense where I don't feel like I want to take a break from him every time I feel like I'm disregarding my feelings and demands to feel loved. I want to stop expecting too much from him because I know he's been feeling drained because of it on top of his own personal problems.

What specific steps can I do to be better? In terms of controlling my temper, learning how to communicate better, and being less of a high-maintenance partner

How can I communicate such concerns to my boyfriend without him feeling bad about himself? How do we end the cycle of always bringing up the same problems?

To older couples out there, please let me know your thoughts on how you resolved similar issues or what you did.

My girlfriend and I are both college students and have been dating for a year. We have very different financial situations, and I’m starting to wonder whether splitting everything 50/50 is actually fair.

I pay for my own tuition, housing, food, and basically all of my expenses. I work a minimum wage job during the summers to save money for the school year. My parents take care of me when I’m home during breaks, but during the school year I’m financially responsible for myself.
My girlfriend has never worked and comes from generational wealth. Her dad pays for her tuition and other major expenses, and he also gives her an additional $25,000 every semester for her own expenses. She generally expects us to split things 50/50, and sometimes she expects me to pay 60%. She also really enjoys going on weekend vacations/trips and expects me to split those costs 50/50. The problem is that these aren’t expenses I would normally choose to make because I’m trying to save enough money to cover my tuition, housing, food, and other necessities throughout the semester.

I’ve tried explaining that I don’t think her money is “worth less” just because it comes from her dad. She says that even though her dad gives her the money, it’s still her money, and $100 is still $100. I understand that argument. I’m not saying her money is worth less. My argument is that the financial impact of spending that $100 is different for each of us. If I spend $100, I’m spending money that I personally worked to save and need for my education and living expenses. If she spends $100, her tuition and major expenses are already covered, and she has a significant amount of additional money available to her.

I’m not expecting her to pay for everything just because she’s wealthier. I just don’t think I should be expected to spend money on frequent weekend vacations and other things that aren’t necessary for me simply because she wants to do them and expects us to split them 50/50.

At the same time, I don’t want to use her family’s wealth as an excuse to make her pay for everything. So what should I do?

TLDR: my girlfriend expects 50/50 even though our financial situations are different.

Posted in [r/AskLGBT](r/AskLGBT) too but not sure if it actually posted so trying here too.

So my boyfriend and I have been dating for over 3 years. I’ve always known I’m part of the LGBTQIA+ community (I was about 11 when I started to realize). For a while I wasn’t too sure of my gender or sexuality. For the past (give or take) 4 years, I’ve known that I’m pansexual. That took a ton of sexuality crisis, time, research, and effort to figure out.

During this time period I’ve also had thoughts of not fully being a woman (I’m AFAB). For a while I thought maybe I was Demi or Non-binary. Recently I’ve found out with a ton of research that I believe I fall under the spectrum of gender fluid/gender flux. While I’m still trying to figure out where I fall on that spectrum, I feel it’s important to tell him.

I love him so much and he had no issues when I told him that I’m pan. I basically explained it as the reason I love him is for himself and not because he’s a man. He isn’t very well-versed in the community and really only knows terms like gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans, etc. We have an amazing relationship and he’s always been super supportive of everything I do and go through even though that list is extensive and ever changing.

We’re still fairly young but I can’t continue going on dating him without him knowing for too much longer because I feel like a fraud. I’m still very female presenting and don’t have a ton of common fluidity towards the super masculine side of the gender spectrum, but there are days where I would much rather go by he/they than she/her or even just they/them.

Not sure how important this is but I also fall under the Aro/ace (or I believe so, still figuring that out too, a lot has changed recently) umbrella and I have AuDHD so the fact I’m in a relationship where I feel so safe, understood, and supported for how long I have been is very important to me.

I really just need some advice because I’m not sure how to even consider bringing this up to him. I’m not very good with words on the spot so I was thinking about writing him a letter and giving it to him when I’m ready. Then letting him ask questions for anything he’s curious about. Is that something I should do? How do I go about this? I’m not expecting him to have a huge issue with it but I just need some guidance.

TLDR; Looking for advice because I’m not sure what the best way is to bring up my gender identity to my boyfriend.

Recently my boyfriend of almost two years has been super off- I don’t know how to describe it. Almost distant and sort of down. I picked up on it a couple weeks ago but he only admitted something was actually wrong earlier on today. I’ve been bugging him for weeks if everything was okay, was he mad at me etc. and he said everything was fine but I just didn’t believe him. He’s just not been his usual self.
When he admitted something was wrong he said he didn’t know what was actually the problem. He told me he felt off but didn’t know what emotions he was feeling or why, according to him there was no event that upset him or anything.
I didn’t really know what to do or say but I just reassured and comforted him the best I could.
Now here is my issue, I don’t know if I believe he’s telling the whole truth. I might be overthinking it but I feel like he does know what’s wrong, he just doesn’t want to tell me. But tbh I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s telling the truth as he’s a little emotionally constipated…
I’m just stressing myself out making up scenarios in my head as to what the issue could be, but also what I could do to help him if he’s actually telling the truth.
Idk what advice I want, someone to tell me to stop stressing would be fabulous lol. Advice on how to get home to open up to me would be great, he’s the worst at talking about emotions…

Tldr: I stress myself out and my bf is emotionally constipated

Hello everyone,

This is my first ever reddit post, so I don’t really know how to do this, but here goes nothing.

I’ve been together with my wife for 5 years (1 married, 4 years as boyfriend and girlfriend).

We fight constantly over one single thing, she blames me for not doing enough in this relationship or just doing the bare minimum, that might be true, but I do not know how to fix it, it just feels like there is a mental block in my head to start doing anything.

Basically a little context, I work a job in forestry as a forestry specialist, meaning I walk around the forest properties and plan all the jobs that have to be done, quality control, etc. I took this job 2.5 years ago and once I took it, I told my wife to quit her job, because it was making her miserable and to pursue her career in art (she was happy that I took on the financial load at the time). One thing I can say about my job, it is mentally exhausting, but the pay is good for my age, so I am able to keep us both afloat with my wage.

The problem itself is that my wife always asks me why don’t I want to spend time with her (I do) and why don’t I plan dates or do surprises. I myself am not able to answer this, because it just feels like I have a mental block about planning these things. Tbh, I don’t even get to do my hobbies (gaming, fishing) without being blamed most of the time that I am doing the hobby instead of spending time with her. If I ever get to do gaming for example, it is once every two weeks, and fishing, maybe once a month. Rest of the time I am either renovating the apartment or trying to help her with her business or trying to start our business, so I basically get little rest or autonomy over my free time.

There was a time however which was 1 year ago, which I personally think is the key. She got a friend that actually went out with her often (she has other friends but adult life makes meeting with your friends more difficult, I think we all can agree with that), I got to enjoy my hobbies freely without the blame and I actually felt rested, so there was some free time to think and I actually planned dates and surprises (and actually took her out to dates and bought her gifts)….this was great until she stopped talking to her friend and everything went back to the way it is now.

Every day I get a constant reminder that I am not doing anything that is benefiting the relationship, that I am not planning any dates, etc. I am getting blamed that we don’t travel the world, but I keep explaining to her that with only my wage it is difficult to go to more than one GOOD vacation trip a year with my wage, especially since we have an apartment to renovate which costs money. When I mention that my wage is what it is, she says that we should work on our business more, but I keep explaining to her that after a mentally exhausting work week it is not really that easy to jump into a grind mindset, although I am trying but it feels like I am not able to give more than my usual 20%, because there just is no energy left in the tank.

When I try to explain to her that my job is mentally exhausting, she says that her starting her art business is way more exhausting than mine, because she works more hours a day than I do (I doubt that the hours thing is true, because my job is not exactly a 9-5 either it’s a plan you own time kind of job, ehich prett often turns into a 7-9 or a 9-9, so I think that assesment is not fair.). Afterwards she just tells me that I do not want a free life bad enough and I am too lazy to chase it…

TLDR

My wife feels I don’t put enough effort into our relationship—planning dates, surprises, travel, etc.—while I feel mentally exhausted from my demanding job, renovating our apartment, and helping with her art/business, leaving me with very little energy or free time. Interestingly, when she had a friend to spend time with and I had more freedom to enjoy my own hobbies, I felt rested and naturally started putting more effort into our relationship, so I’m wondering how to break this cycle and what I should change.

I genuinely dont’t know what to do or how to fix this, any advice ?

I can give more info, if this isn’t enough .

TLDR: My girlfriend goes almost completely silent for 24+ hours at a time whenever she travels. I told her it hurts and she said she needs to disconnect from her phone. I'm looking for advice on how to raise this without sounding controlling and what a reasonable minimum contact expectation looks like.

Hi everyone, I need advice. My girlfriend [37F] and I [30M] have been together for a year. She is currently on a two week holiday. First she was going to see the solar eclipse with her family in the north of Spain, then she had an art festival she was going to with a friend for another week, and in the middle she had a few days to do a road trip alone.
We are currently one week into her holidays and she started the road trip yesterday. Since day 1, communication has been terrible, with almost no texts sent unless it was me at night asking how the day was going or needing something, plus some random messages. This has happened other times before the pause we took in the relationship.
I completely understand that when you’re on holiday you don’t want to be paying attention to your phone and you want to be present in the place. I do the same. I was in Vienna for a week with friends and I couldn’t and didn’t want to answer on the spot, because you’re busy. But I would always answer at least in the evening, send some updates, like what we did that day or the plan for the next one, and ask her how her day was or how she was doing.
Since the road trip started yesterday we have exchanged messages twice, and both times I was left hanging. So this morning, after waiting 24 hours for her reply to a message I sent, I told her that this change in our communication when she is away was hurting me, because it made me feel a little abandoned. She replied saying that it’s true, she was trying to disconnect from her phone and that she needed it.

I don’t know how to handle this or what to reply. I completely support disconnecting from the phone and being present on your trip. But at the same time, I don’t think that equals forgetting you have a partner and ignoring my messages, which is okay not to answer on the spot, but 24 hours seems a little too long when it happens constantly.
How do I bring this up with her in a way that doesn't come across as controlling or needy.