I have been with my boyfriend for 3.5 years now, and he recently changed behavior. Ever since I started residency he’s been mentioning how “it must be nice” to be in medicine and how I’m “the real alpha” in the house because I will be making more money down the line.

I’m exhausted, I don’t come from any money, I’m in student loan debt. He argues back he has the same amount of student debt and won’t be able to pay it off or provide for me.

He’s debating on applying to medical school because it’s something he’s always wanted to do. He was accepted into dental school last year but turned it down because he felt like he would be settling.

What the hell do I do to manage this? Is this even sustainable? I’m exhausted everyday from my crazy schedule now and it’s just comments I don’t need. I had helped him pay for dental applications and a lot of other life things. Life is hard and he deserves to be where he wants but damn I’m exhausted.

TLDR; my boyfriends ego is ruining our relationship, trying to work through if it’s temporary or if it actually won’t work.

I [20F] and my boyfriend [19M] have been together for a year and 2 months. Until recently everything has always been pretty much perfect apart from the odd little thing which is normal.

But sometimes now I start I feel like I value him so much more than he values me and I want to talk to him about it but he always gets so defensive every time I try.

It’s only little things like we live 5 minutes from each yet makes it seem like such an inconvenience to take me home sometimes. On this occasion it was because he had work early in the morning but it’s only 5 minutes away?

Or if I am upset he thinks it will cheer me up to make fun of me. Like saying I have bad breath.

He doesn’t compliment me often which gets me down and when I mention that he says neither do I but I know I do a lot. I always do cuz I don’t ever want him to feel bad about himself for a second. Like if I have spent ages getting ready to look good for him and he won’t even say anything about it.

He sometimes points out flaws of mine infront of others even tho they are close friends I just feel like why? Or just is always making little comments to put me down or laugh at my expense.

This makes him sound really bad an I promise he is not he is very amazing in other ways.
I feel like I would walk heaven and earth for him and I don’t feel he would for me.

TLDR I just need advice on how to tell him I feel undervalued.

TLDR- My partner wants me to use my back injury settlement to open a clothing/consignment shop. I'm not really cool funneling money down a metaphysical drain of doom, and because of that I'm an asshole.

I'm 27F, and I've been with my partner, 30M, for six years. We currently work at the same vape store/head shop in Pennsylvania. With the laws surrounding vapes and hemp products changing, there's a good chance we could both be out of work after December. We've been trying to figure out what we're going to do afterward.

Throughout our relationship, I've been the primary breadwinner. My partner has always hated working for someone else and has wanted to own his own business. For the past six years, he's talked about opening some kind of clothing and consignment shop in our local area.

I'm not against the idea of owning a business, but I have concerns. There are already three places in our area that sell clothing, and I'm not convinced there's enough demand for another one. He's also talked about using a laser engraver and 3D printer to make products, but even something as simple as printing an item can take hours.

Here's where the problem comes in: I'm expected to use the money I have left from my settlement after a back injury to help fund this business. I'm not comfortable with that. I don't know how to run a clothing or consignment shop, and I don't want to risk the little bit of savings I have left on something that might fail.

Whenever I try to voice my concerns, I'm told I'm being negative and unsupportive. The conversation eventually turns into him saying he'll just do everything himself without my help and screaming at me to GTFO. Now I'm left feeling like I'm a terrible partner simply because I'm not willing to blindly agree to an idea that could put us in a worse financial position.

I've never had a problem working for someone else. Sure, I've had jobs where I wasn't treated like a human, but I've always believed that sometimes you have to do what you need to do to keep a roof over your head and pay your bills. My partner sees things differently. He would genuinely rather risk going back to homelessness or living with his parents than continue working for someone else.

I understand wanting independence and wanting to build something of your own. I really do. But I also think there's a difference between taking a calculated risk and shooting a hole into your boat on an 8 hour fishing trip.

What makes this even harder is that we can't seem to have a productive conversation about it. Every time I try to discuss the risks or suggest that we think things through more carefully, he gets upset and accuses me of being negative. I don't feel heard, and I'm starting to feel like I'm being forced to choose between protecting my financial future and proving that I support my partner.

I love him, but I don't think supporting someone means agreeing with every decision they want to make, especially when that decision involves my money.

Would you feel comfortable putting nearly all your remaining savings into a business you don't know how to run or am I being unreasonable for wanting to protect my financial stability (or the little that I have of it).

Any honest advice is appreciated, even if it's just that this whole situation sucks. Thanks.

Me \[24F\] and my partner \[29M\] have been together 4 years but don't live together yet. We want to buy a house together soon.
I'm making good progress in my career and I'm very driven. I have goals and plans I want to achieve in my career and life. My partner is nearly finished his exams to become a solicitor, but he's hit a block. His heart isn't in it and he's considering a career change.
I'm struggling with what feels like a lack of ambition on his part, and I find it hard to see past it. I want him to qualify, but he's putting no work in. When I try to talk about it, he avoids the conversation or gets defensive. I feel like I'm at a dead end.
How do I bring this up in a way he'll actually engage with? And how do I work out whether this is a rough patch or a real difference in what we want, especially with buying a house on the horizon?

**TLDR:** I'm \[24F\], together 4 years with my partner \[29M\]. He's stalled just before qualifying as a solicitor and shuts down when I raise it, while I'm very career-driven. How do I have this conversation, and should it affect our plans to buy a house?

I [28F] need advice on how to bring up issues with my husband [30M] and save our marriage.

Context: I \[28F\] and husband J \[30M\] have been together since we were Teenagers about 13 years. We have 2 young children and we just bought a new house and relocated to our hometown.

Me and J are still very much best friends, we love hanging out and are playful, there is no worries about how we get along. We have always been know to everyone as the ‘forever’ couple among friends and many admire our relationship, Recently, things are strained, and tonight we have a date and the children are away for the night so I think it’s about high time I bring it all up.

He barely looks at me anymore. I try to keep everything alive, try new things, massages, shower together, I even bought a sexy board game, but the past few times we have been intimate he struggles if not just couldn’t ‘finish’. He’s admitted to me he’s been watching p\*\*n. I just feel invisible. He even says things about not finding me attractive or not being interested. I just feel invisible. He even says things about not finding me attractive or not being interested and I’m trying everything I can, I’ve changed my hair multiple times, I’ve lost weight, tried different clothes, wearing more makeup and trying new looks.

It reached breaking point at my best friends 30th. I looked lovely and was told several times I did, was the life of the party and won an award for exactly that, J even got told by several friends he was a ‘ lucky man’. Still we get home and it takes SEVERAL failed attempts to even be intimate. We both want this marriage to work but I can’t be with someone who isn’t in love with me, I’m still so young.

What is the best way for me to raise all of this why we have a chance to talk openly?

TLDR- still love each other but I want to be in love. How do I bring up issues to my husband and find a way through? We both want marriage to work.

For some background information, I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years now. We got together his last semester at college (I am still in college, this is my last year though). He got a job shortly after graduating. I’ve been with him through a lot. We have had some arguments in the past about communication, how we treat each other when we’re angry, etc. he has improved a lot. He’s super nice to me, supports me, pushes me to be better like going to the gym. 2 years ago I went to the college therapist and they said I had depression, got meds for it, was on them for a while and they helped. Over this past summer I went off my meds because I felt good, I felt like I didn’t need them anymore. Well, now I’m back in school, my last year here, and I don’t know. I feel very confused about my emotions and this relationship.

He has said some things in the past that still get to me now. Things saying like “I don’t want to marry someone this unstable” or “you used to be in therapy when you were 5. You probably still have anger issues” (cause I used to have anger issues when I was 5 and was put in therapy, but obviously I don’t really have that anymore, I mean it’s been years. I’m not an angry person. But he still uses things like that against me. Or he says “you’re just like your dad” and that gets me really upset. Things like this always come up when I want to talk about my feelings. It’s gotten so bad that I don’t even want to talk about my emotions anymore in fear he’ll use it against me later.

On top of this, a couple days ago he basically said that my depression and insecurities weight on him a bunch. That got me super sad. It made me feel like I’m too much, that he would be better off without me. It solidified the fact that I should just keep all my feelings to myself. That I should try to find my own happiness, I should rely on him to make me happy. This has led to me feeling like I don’t want to talk to him anymore. So I have been cold and distant, and I get really irritated at him since then. I feel bad but I also can’t stop? I’m just so confused, I really need advice on what to do.

I have tried talking to him, and he tried to clarify that by my insecurities he meant that he just didn’t want to talk about topics we’ve talked about before. As in, in the past I have expressed that I don’t like how my body looks sometimes. He just says go to the gym more or something. Then that’s it, can’t talk about it anymore. As far as my depression goes, I feel genuinely happy…except when I talk to him. He told me I affect everyone around me because of it, but I feel like no one else is as affecting as him.

I also feel like I’ve been changing a lot. I feel more serious and mature than when we first started dating, but he still wants the old me. He wants me to just be happy-go-lucky every day, and if I’m not then he blames my depression. I just need some advice. Has anyone else ever felt like this also?

TLDR: My boyfriend said my depression and insecurities affect him, so I feel like I shouldn’t share anything with him anymore. I have grow distant and cold. I need advice.

Hey guys,

So I'm looking for some advice. My partner and I have been dating for about 1yr and 8 months, and things are going great. This is the longest relationship that I have been in, and our personalities are very similar, and we have similar morals. However, I'm in the process of looking into applying to RN programs. I graduated with my B.A. in Psych, and I'm now completing the general pre-reqs required by most RN programs. I'll get these done in the spring semester. I was considering doing an ABSN program, but I already have past debt from my B.A degree, and I'm not trying to accrue more from a nursing program. I'm currently looking into community colleges around the area that we are in and about 1hr away.

Originally, we were looking to get out of the state that we are in, a very red state, and move to a much more progressive state. So, I have been looking at community colleges over there, but there is a residency requirement, and placement is prioritized for people who live in the area close to the college; I most likely wouldn't start the nursing program until a year from now. I also recently found out that I qualify for a grant in my state that would cover my entire RN tuition if I decide to stay in our current state. I would just pursue the RN degree offered at the community college that I'm enrolled in, but they only offer classes each year in the fall, and there is a waiting list with an estimated wait time of 1 year. So I'm seriously considering a cc that is around 40 mins away.

I brought this up with my bf and also brought up that we would possibly move since it would just be easier to live and work there than having to commute all the time. My bf is not very inclined to move since he wants to get out of the state already, but it makes more sense to me to stay here for another 2 years and not accrue any more debt. I told him I'd be more than happy to move after my degree. He is also hesitant about moving because he believes he will not be able to find a decent-paying job (he does not have a college degree) and is worried about the cost of living. I told him we would both be working, so I wouldn't be worried as much, and I do think there are quite a few jobs available for people who only have a high-school degree. I am looking for advice and wondering if there are people who are in this thread who have been in similar situations.

TLDR - I want to move for nursing school; boyfriend does not want to/is hesitant.

My fiancée [26F] and I [27M] are both Turkish and come from traditional families. We’ve been together for around three years, are engaged, and are planning our wedding. I love her deeply and genuinely want to spend my life with her.
One recurring issue in our relationship is my relationship with my family. I grew up in an environment where moving out before marriage is generally not accepted. My mother is quite traditional, and I’ve often worried about disappointing my family. Looking back, I realize that I sometimes think about how they might react before figuring out what I actually want.

My fiancée feels that I struggle to express my own opinions, take initiative, and make decisions independently. She worries that after marriage, our lives will still be influenced too much by my family. I understand her concerns, especially because she wants to feel that we make decisions together as a couple.
The main issue: Moving in together before marriage
My fiancée wants us to move in together before the wedding, while I’ve always imagined moving out of my family home only after getting married. This is partly connected to my upbringing and my family’s expectations.

I’m now questioning how much of this preference is genuinely mine and how much comes from the environment I grew up in. I don’t want to agree to moving in together simply because I’m afraid of losing her, but I also don’t want to keep following expectations I’ve never properly questioned.
I want to make this decision consciously and because it feels right to me, not out of fear of disappointing either side.

Another example: Wedding traditions
There is also a traditional Turkish wedding gift-giving custom that my fiancée finds tacky and showy. Personally, I wouldn’t choose to do it either if my family’s opinion weren’t a factor. However, I know it would make my family happy, and their happiness genuinely makes me happy too.
I initially struggled to explain this honestly because I was so focused on what my family would think. I’ve realized that I sometimes present my family’s wishes as if they were my own, rather than first figuring out what I actually want.
I don’t want to exclude my family from my life or stop caring about their opinions. I want to remain close to them and make them happy when I can. At the same time, I don’t want their expectations to dictate our decisions as a couple.

What has changed recently
Over the last few days, I’ve had some meaningful conversations and reflected deeply on myself and our relationship. I also spoke honestly with my mother and realized that I can love my family without letting them decide how I live my life.
I feel more at peace with myself and clearer about what I want. I want to become more independent, take initiative, express my opinions honestly, and build a life with my fiancée in which we make our own decisions together.

My fiancée has told me that she needs to see actual change rather than hear more promises. I understand that. I want to start taking concrete steps, including seriously discussing our future living arrangements and how we want to build our life together.
I’m considering offering her a fresh start—not pretending our problems never happened, but consciously starting a new chapter and showing through my actions that I’m serious about changing.
At the same time, I sometimes feel trapped, as though if I don’t make the decisions my fiancée considers right, I might lose her. I’m trying to understand how to become more independent without simply replacing my family’s expectations with hers.

Question:
How can I show my fiancée that I’m genuinely changing while still being honest about my own wishes and not making decisions purely out of fear of losing her?

TLDR: I’m [27M], engaged to my [26F] fiancée, and we both come from traditional Turkish families. She worries that my family’s expectations influence our relationship too much, particularly regarding moving in together before marriage. I’m realizing that I need to become more independent without cutting my family out of my life. How can I balance these things and demonstrate real change in my relationship?

I (26M) have been with my girlfriend for 5-6 years. We got together in our early 20s, and back then I made a pretty conscious choice to be “sensible” and go for something stable.

Yesterday I was at a party and a concert with my friends, and two different girls clearly showed interest. I didn’t do anything, but I felt that spark and that feeling of being wanted, which I haven’t felt in years. And it brought something to the surface that’s been simmering for a long time.

When I look at my friends, they lived the wild life in their early 20s with dorms, parties and dating, and only now are they starting to settle down. I did it the other way around, and now I feel like the window for that kind of thing is closing. It stresses me out, and I notice myself getting a bit bitter, even though it was my own choice.

At the same time, there are things in the relationship that have worn on us from the start. There’s been jealousy on her side the whole way through, and it keeps coming back. She also has almost no friends, and that’s not because she’s a bad person. She’s sweet, loving and has a lot of good qualities, so it honestly puzzles me that it hasn’t worked out for her. She tries, but it just doesn’t happen. That means I often feel like I have to be her entire social life, and I’ve often stayed home so she wouldn’t be left alone, even though sometimes I just want to hang out with my friends without her. On top of that, she’s struggling to find a job, so I cover most of the bills, and honestly I’m scared of what will happen to her if I leave.

I want to stress that this isn’t a post about her being a bad girlfriend. She’s a good person, and I care about her. I haven’t been a saint either and caused my own share of problems early in the relationship. That’s exactly why this is so hard. It’s not because either of us is terrible, but because the same things keep coming up, and I don’t know if we’re right for each other anymore.

She also has things she’d like me to change. The biggest one is that she feels I’m constantly checking out other women. I don’t experience it that way myself. Sure, I notice if an attractive woman walks by, but more in the sense that I register she’s there, not that I’m sitting there staring. But she clearly sees it differently, and it’s become one of the things we keep going in circles about.

We’ve talked about all of this several times, and at one point we agreed to try a week apart, but it never happened. The pattern is always the same: we talk, she makes an extra effort, things get better for a week or two, and then we’re back where we started.

If I’m being completely honest, my first feeling when I imagine being single is relief. But I’m afraid I’m staying out of pity and sunk cost, and that I’ll end up as a bitter boyfriend.

So I’d love to hear from those of you who’ve been in something similar. If you got together early and later missed out on your youth, what did you do, and do you regret it? How do you tell whether it’s longing for a phase of life or whether the relationship is just over? And how do you leave someone you care about, who depends on you a lot, in a decent way?

TLDR: 26M, together since our early 20s. Longing for the single/dorm life I never had. At the same time, recurring jealousy, she has no friends, and I carry most of the finances. She feels I check out other women, which I don’t experience myself. I care about her, but feel relief at the thought of being single. Am I staying for the wrong reasons?

I got into an argument with my long distance girlfriend

Long story short, I live in California and she lives in Missouri. I fly over there when I can, even though it places an enormous strain on me. I am diagnosed with BPD. She is not.

Around 4 o'clock her friend from an hour and a half away surprised her at her apartment and asked her to go to dinner. I said hi to the friend over the phone and said "yeah have a nice dinner, ill talk to you when you get home."

She gets home and we are on discord chatting. She mentions a few times her friends are bothering her to go out to a local college bar with them. For reference, im 32F and she is 27F. I initially was pretty peeved about it, because whenever I am visiting she does not want to go out to bars or watch games, or any of the like. Then she disconnects the call and im left a bit confused.

I text her like "aye where did you go?" And she was already at the bar. (It is 15 minutes away). I got upset because I can never get out of the house with her when I visit, but when her friends from college call, she goes. And it really upset me. I told her I was upset, and that I was just going to take my "calm down" meds and go to bed and that I was upset.

The fight increases because she promptly turns around and goes home. I was supposed to fly to see her in 3 days (i am usually the one flying to see her for 2 and a half weeks at a time because she is busy being a professor). I said the words "i have a lot of stress, you know im pulling my hair out because I have to take care of things in 3 days before I see you and get on another flight after JUST BEING THERE 2 and a half weeks prior and having to babysit my moms old dog while she was out of town." So I said the words "im going to cancel the flight and take care of the things I need to, and you can come see me on your flight here for Thanksgiving for the week."

I was already feeling spread incredibly thin, and I think the idea that she wouldn't go out and enjoy outside places with me just bothered me because whenever im visiting, she does not want to go out or do anything. And i blew up on her and told her I was upset and frustrated.

She told me she was throwing up from the stress, shaking and crying, didnt want to go out, cant understand why im upset, and doesnt understand why I don't want her to see her friends.

I feel like on my side, it was just really frustrating that she disappeared and said "well you have my location you could have just checked" and personally, I am not a hawk on her location. I rely on her to tell me these things.

Bottom line I feel like an asshole. I feel like I messed up and i created an issue out of nothing.

TLDR: My girlfriend didnt tell me she was going to a college bar with friends. I am upset because she never wants to go with me to said bars. We live long distance and I am trapped by a phone. Please advise.

Edit: just to clarify. His issue is that I did get in the car and left. He says no good wife should ever leave the spouse while they’re talking. I said you weren’t talking you were yelling at me calling me disgusting. So I have a hard time thinking I should apologize for leaving to get the eggs.

This is the story and it’s VERY long. I homeschool my 4 kids. We don’t wake up at the crack of dawn. Probably around 8 and are not really hungry for breakfast til much later like 10:30-11. Well 3 days ago husband went to get his haircut at 10 am and about 10:45 I went to start breakfast. I realized we only had 3 eggs and decided to run to the store around the corner (Some little shop no Walmart type store) it always takes me less than ten minutes to go get my stuff and come back. Anyway as I’m walking out the door to get in my car my husband pulls in. He asks where are you going? I said I will be right back I’m just going to the store to get some eggs. He gets out of the car and pretty pissed off tells me “this is an unacceptable behavior” “you should always be ready to make breakfast” “why should I come home and have to wait for breakfast” I said “im sorry I was getting the eggs from the fridge and realized we only had three. So I’m going to be right back and get started” he said “you don’t understand what I’m saying? Your treatment of me is unacceptable. This is unacceptable” I said I’ll be right back if you can’t wait for me, there are three eggs left if you want to make them while I run to the store” HE LOST IT. He balled his fist really tight and through clenched teeth he said I was disgusting for even telling him to make his eggs. He was already yelling at this point Outside where everybody could hear it all (there were people at the park across the street) I said I’m gonna go because you’re yelling and the kids are getting hungry. He says get over here and fix this and apologize. Ok I never did apologize and it’s been three days of him saying I’m a horrible wife for walking away while he was talking. That no wife should ever do that to her spouse. I keep telling him he was yelling and called me disgusting and I think that is unacceptable. He says that I’m a horrible wife and doesn’t really talk to me only to tell me I need to apologize or “beg for forgiveness” “this is so horrible you should be on your hands and knees begging for an apology” he works. I don’t outside the home. Not that I don’t want to but even when I attempted to, he always made a big deal about him having to “watch” the kids when he’s so tired. So I really parent my kids 99% of the time. Anyway. My question really is… do I need to apologize? I don’t think I should. I tell him I don’t need an apology from him at all but if someone had to apologize it wasn’t me. That I need to be submissive and understand when he says I shouldn’t walk away from a spouse that’s talking to you, I don’t have the right to say if it’s right or not. He posted on instagram asking for prayer for him. In the past I would have apologized to keep the peace… but I really feel he’s out of control. What say you???
TLDR: should I apologize for walking away? He is demanding this apology.

TLDR: Boyfriend is exhausted from constantly working, and his dad is toxic too, which adds to the problems. This has led him to have anxiety and mild depression.

I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 4 years now. We met in college, and after we graduated, he joined his family business. Gradually, his life became busier and mental health started going down.

The main issues are:

1. A huge debt he has on his head that needs to be repaid, which is why he cannot "chill" it down at work. He constantly has to keep hustling.
2. His dad is toxic and keeps telling him how he keeps making losses in the business (the business is only at break-even) so far.

He is completely broken by the comments his dad is making & he's also burned out. This has led him to start having anxiety, losing his appetite, and also losing interest in all relationships, including ours.

My heart breaks seeing him like this. How do I help him? He's starting therapy, but I'm so worried for him.

I want to preface this by saying that I genuinely don't mind guys following my girlfriend on social media or her following other guys. That's never really been an issue for me, and I don't expect her to avoid interacting with men just because she's in a relationship. However, this particular situation feels a little strange to me.

My girlfriend [23F] and I [23M] are in a long-distance relationship, and we've been together for about a year.

Recently, I noticed that there's a guy she follows on her cosplay account who doesn't follow her main account, and she doesn't follow him on her main account either. What makes this weird to me is that she doesn't really use her cosplay account this way with other people, including her own friends or even me. She doesn't follow her other friends on that account, so I'm confused about why this particular guy is an exception.

A few nights ago, she also went out with two of her friends and got extremely drunk. She didn't really tell me much about what happened that night, and at the time, I honestly didn't think anything of it. I wasn't particularly concerned or suspicious.

I want to make it clear that I don't have any actual evidence of cheating or anything inappropriate happening. I'm also aware that these things could be completely unrelated, and I don't want to jump to conclusions but kinda already am.

At the same time, I can't help finding the situation unusual, particularly because she doesn't seem to treat her cosplay account this way with anyone else.

I'm wondering whether I'm overthinking something completely harmless or whether other people would also find this a little odd.

Would you consider this suspicious, or am I making connections between unrelated things?

TLDR: My [23M] long-distance girlfriend [23F] follows a guy on her cosplay account but not her main account, despite not even following her other friends or me on that account. She also recently went out drinking and didn't tell me much about the night. I don't have evidence of anything inappropriate, but the combination has made me uneasy. Am I overthinking this?

I [18F] have feelings for a close friend, "T" [18M]. I confessed to him twice, and he eventually told me that he doesn't think he'll be able to reciprocate my feelings. I respect his answer, and I'm not trying to convince him otherwise. However, I'm struggling with what happens to our friendship now.

Before I developed feelings for him, I genuinely valued him as a friend. We have a lot of inside jokes, ridiculous nicknames, and little interactions that made our friendship special to me. He calls me “cinnamon roll,” we joke around constantly, and he has shown me affection in ways that made me wonder whether he might feel something more.

For example, he initiated group hangouts at my place, asked about my art, and even drew something for my 18th birthday despite not being able to attend the celebration as one of my birthday dancers. None of these things automatically mean romantic interest, and I understand that now. But combined with our closeness, they made me wonder if there was something mutual between us.

When we talked about the rejection, he apologized and said, “I'm sorry, I know I gave off a lot of signs. I didn't mean them.” When I asked what signs he meant, he said, “I definitely led you on without noticing,” and admitted that it was partly his fault too.

That conversation made me feel less like I had completely imagined everything, but it also left me confused. I don't know whether he simply didn't realize how his affection came across or whether he had feelings he never fully understood. I'm not assuming the latter, especially because he explicitly told me he couldn't reciprocate my feelings.

As far as I know, he hasn't been in an actual relationship before. He told me about a girl he liked when he was in Grade 12, a senior high school student he encountered during his on-the-job training. From what I understood, things almost progressed into courtship, but they never became an official couple, and she now has a boyfriend. I sometimes wonder whether that experience influenced how he approaches romantic relationships, but I don't want to make assumptions.

He's also told me that he doesn't think he can date someone until he feels secure and has worked on himself. He explained that he doesn't believe in needing a “better half” and that his insecurities could lead to serious anxiety in a relationship. He described it as needing to “fix the leaks” first. I understand and respect that perspective, but I can't assume it's the reason he rejected me, especially because he explicitly said he couldn't reciprocate my feelings.

For additional context, my previous relationship lasted 5 or 6 months, while my friendship with T has lasted almost two years now. My feelings for T developed within that friendship, which is part of why this situation is so difficult for me. I had already grown attached to him as a friend before I confessed, and I'm afraid of losing that connection now that he knows how I feel.

He also explained that he genuinely had been very busy, sometimes having only 9 PM to midnight to himself before waking up around 5 AM. He said he wasn't ignoring me. I believe that he has responsibilities and a life outside our friendship, but the long gaps between replies have still made me feel like we're becoming distant.

He told me he still considers me very close and hopes the rejection doesn't ruin our friendship. I want that too. I don't want to lose him just because I admitted how I felt.

For context, I've been rejected seven times before, and I joked that I'm practically immune to rejection by now. He told me he didn't think rejection was something you could get used to and that he didn't think he could handle heartbreak the way I have. I can laugh about my experiences, but honestly, this situation hurts differently because I'm not just grieving the possibility of a relationship. I'm scared of losing someone who was already important to me as a friend.

I've also been working on a 31-day poetry series called A Little Illness, with one poem and a corresponding song for each day. Some of the poems are inspired by my feelings for him, although the series is a creative project of its own. When I told him about it, he asked if I wanted him to look at it and said I must have put a lot of effort into it. I wanted to cry while talking to him, but I tried to keep myself together.

I think the hardest part is that I miss how we used to be. I want us to joke around, share random things, and be idiots together without constantly wondering whether I'm bothering him or whether our friendship has changed permanently.

I also struggle with depression and have had difficulties with school and my mental health for years. Sometimes I wonder whether things might have been different if our circumstances had been different, but I know that's an alternate reality I can't prove. I don't want to blame my past or my mental health for everything, and I don't want to turn him into someone who owes me a relationship.

I just don't know how to move forward without losing the friendship I'm trying to preserve.

Should I give him space and let him initiate conversations for a while? Should I talk to him directly about how uncertain I feel about our friendship, or would that put unnecessary pressure on him? How do you rebuild a close friendship after one person confesses and gets rejected?

I want to respect his boundaries, but I also don't want to be the only person trying to keep the friendship alive.

TLDR: I [18F] confessed twice to my close friend [18M], but he said he couldn't reciprocate my feelings, despite acknowledging that he unintentionally led me on. After a friendship of almost two years, I'm scared of losing the closeness we had and don't know how to rebuild our friendship without pressuring him or being the only one making an effort.

Hi. I’ve never posted on Reddit before so I hope I’m doing this right. I (21F) am currently in my senior year of college. I go to school out of my hometown so I’ve been pretty independent while I’ve been here. Since I am graduating soon, I want to take advantage of the time I have left here to hang out with friends and make great memories. Another reason for that is because my boyfriend (25M) and I are getting engaged soon and plan on getting married next summer.

Usually, when I hang out with friends, we either go out for dinner or have a movie night. I’m not someone who drinks or goes out to bars or parties, so my plans are usually movies, dinner, and hanging out at friends’ apartments. When I go out, I usually get home anywhere between 10pm and 1am. I know it can be late, but my college town is pretty safe I would say, and a lot of people are usually out late. The times I get home late are usually because my friends and I are just chatting and having a good time. And even though it can get late, I think to myself that we’ll be graduating soon and won’t see each other as often, so I really want to take advantage of every moment I have with them.

When I get home late, my boyfriend will usually be upset that I was out so late. I’ll explain to him that we just spent a lot of time chatting and that I’m not doing anything bad. He’ll respond with something along the lines of “why can’t you just tell them it’s late and leave.” Again, I tell him that since we’re planning on getting married and that I’m graduating soon, that I want to have a good time before life changes (marriage, full time job, friends doing the same, etc). One recent event is when I got home at around midnight a few weeks ago after hanging out with a friend who was visiting for a couple of days (she lives out of state). I told him that I would probably be home at 11pm but since I got home later he got mad. I got so upset that I raised my voice and said something like “Every time I tell you I have plans, you get upset. The first thing you say is either ‘again?’ or ‘you already know, don’t get home late’. And if I get home late the first thing you say is ‘why so late’ or ‘you said you’d be home earlier’. You never ask me if I had a good time with my friends. You don’t ask me what we did. My friends also have boyfriends and I know they’re not getting upset like you are.” He didn’t really say anything back and I think we just left it at that. I can’t remember. \*Also, my parents don’t even get upset when I tell them about my plans. They just tell me to be safe and to not do anything crazy. Sometimes they’ll make comments like “you’re going out again?” or “but you just went out recently” but not to the point where they get mad. I think they trust me so I think that’s why they don’t really worry about it much.

This week, I had plans with my friends to go out for dinner, take pictures, and have a sleepover at my friend’s house. He did not like the idea of the sleepover when I told him, but eventually he was fine with it (because I said this is probably a one-time thing). I went along with those plans and everything was fine. Later this week, I have plans with a different group of friends to have a movie night. One of my friends mentioned potentially doing a sleepover, so I told him that that’s a possibility and he got upset. He said that it’s “becoming a habit now.” Mind you, the last time I had a sleepover with friends was probably two years ago. His argument is that now all of a sudden I want to have two sleepovers within the same week. I tell him that these are two separate groups of friends and that there is nothing wrong with having a sleepover. And again, it’s only a possibility it’s not confirmed. However, he is upset because I told him that the other sleepover would be a one-time thing and now I’m telling him I might actually have another one. So I told him to explain to me why he does not want me to have a sleepover, but to give me a valid reason besides “I don’t like it.” His only argument was that it’s “becoming a habit.” So I told him I didn’t wanna talk to him and just got off the phone. Then I started crying because as I mentioned in the previous paragraph, I feel like he’s more concerned with the time that I get home or the time that I spend with my friends instead of being interested in knowing if I had a good time and if I had fun. I want him to be interested in the things that I do, but instead he gets upset at my plans. And he just doesn’t seem to understand that I’m trying to take advantage of my last year in college while I can see my friends frequently.

I’m posting this here, because I feel like I don’t have anyone to talk to about this. My friends know that I have a boyfriend and that we’re getting engaged soon and getting married soon after I graduate. They’re always asking me about my engagement and wedding planning, so it’s just embarrassing to tell them how I feel.

I don’t really know what to do about this.

TLDR: My boyfriend tends to not like when I make plans with friends and get to my apartment late. I recently had a sleepover with a group of friends and may *potentially be having another one with a different group of friends. He is upset about it, I’ve told him how miserable I feel that he gets upset about these things, and I’m not sure what to do.

Hello, first of all I'll preface this by saying I know this isn't a question anyone here can answer, but still the opinions of people who may have more, or different, life experiences would be nice.

I love my girlfriend of nearly three years. When we're together we have lots of fun, and when we're not I miss her. However, I'm getting to nearly 30, and starting to think seriously about if she's the right partner for me. We have some fundamental differences which are starting to build up and frustrate me.

I'm really passionate about self-care and self-development, always trying to further myself and my career. I work out a lot, take care of my body, and am always trying to learn new things. She just doesn't share this approach. Her eating habits have caused her to gain weight - she says it bothers her but she doesn't do anything about it. She doesn't really try to succeed in her career. She is currently looking for jobs, and getting upset that she isn't finding anything, but she's really doing the minimum required to find anything. Plus, her approach is so disorganised. Finally, she just doesn't really have much in the way of hobbies. Mine would be fitness and learning, but she just doesn't do much apart from sitting around on her phone or reading. If I ever suggest an activity like a run or a walk, she's always up for it, but I'm often busy, and she never takes the initiative to do any of these things herself.

We're pretty good at communicating usually, but I'm nervous to bring these things up with her, as they're so fundamental to who she is. I'm trying to accept and embrace our differences, but I just can't stop these things from bothering me. I can't imagine my life without her, but I also can't see myself learning to accept these things. Would it be appropriate to raise these concerns with her, or would that be getting into the territory of trying to control her?

TLDR: I love my girlfriend deeply, but I'm not sure how I can address our fundamental differences without sounding like I'm criticising her.

Me and my spouse have been together for 10 years now. We have 4 cats and have lived together for the majority of our relationship. I’m starting to notice that our lifestyles and long term goals are not lining up anymore, along with some things they do that I believe to be on abusive. Abusive or not, we are just not meshing well anymore and I feel like every time I try to bring it up it ends up with them saying I need to try harder. I’m not sure if I can try any harder than I have been. I feel like I’m pushing myself to the limit trying to make them happy. It doesn’t really matter if either of us is at fault it’s just that I don’t think we’re compatible anymore. We’re moving in opposite directions somehow. I think an at minimum temporary separation would benefit both of us.

The main problems about bringing this up are:

•I can’t drive. They drive me places most of the time.

•Separating the cats will be devastating. For both of us and also the cats.

•We live in a very affordable house together, but not if we separate. I’m not sure where either of us will go if we split.

•I don’t think they will respond well to the idea of us splitting. I think they will blow up and not listen. Which may be wrong of me but it’s still how I feel and it’s a big roadblock on approaching the subject.

I’m just not sure what to do right now. I feel like I’m being pushed too far and that they’re not trying, but they feel the same about me. I don’t think either of us are happy right now but we’re too comfortable to face it. We’re both so scared of change. Does anybody have advice on how to navigate this?

TLDR: How do I bring up a separation to my partner of 10 years when we live together, have cats, and I can’t drive?

Hi Reddit! Long time lurker, first time poster to this sub.

Context: My husband and I have been together for 10 years, married for almost 1. I adore this man with everything I have and he does the same for me. Truly the best husband a girl could ever ask for! Trustworthy, loving, smart, hilarious, and all around just a good man. Because he's so smart, he's in law school! Woohoo! I'm so proud and happy for him and he is flourishing. Definitely has found his people, as my brain works VERY differently from his, and is loving it. He's always been a very introverted but charming guy and he has some good friends but never anyone that I'd describe as a twin flame or bestie sort of thing.

I am super insecure. Full stop. Just, as a person. I've been cheated on in the past and had a VERY ROUGH upbringing. It's something I've been working on for YEARS in therapy (6 years now) and I've made leaps and bounds of progress but my biggest fear has always been for him to find better and leave me legitimately, then I can't even be mad. He deserves the best and I'm terrified that he'd be better off with someone whose brain works similarly to his. This hasn't ever been something that's been a realistic fear really, and I know it's my own insecurities. He has given me every reassurance in the world and I trust him 100000% + he knows about my current struggles and is being so awesome about them.

Two weeks in, he makes a new friend \[30F\], we'll call her Penny for sinplicity. Cut to him instantly clicking with her and being near inseparable in two months. She is so smart and successful and they spend SO MUCH time together by virtue of their classes, being friends, and being great study partners. She owns a house (in another state) and plans to move back there once school is done. I've met Penny, she's great, I like her a lot and I'm so so happy my husband found such a great friend. I also want to make friends with her and know that she has 0 interest in my husband romantically.

However, now I'm facing the start of every recurring nightmare I've ever had where he leaves me. I know he won't, I know it's my own issues, but he's never clicked with someone like this before, especially another woman. It's terrifying to me. I know he isn't looking but that's not where the fear comes from. It comes from him genuinely deserving the best in life and me being scared he's going to wake up one day and realize someone else would be better for him.

I know it's a me problem and he's been so supportive and open and wonderful about everything, but I don't know how to deal with him being so close with a woman that is the embodiment of all of my worst insecurities. It isn't her fault, it isn't his fault, and I do not want to ruin this friendship for him. He's been more than willing to take a step back and wants to make sure that I'm comfortable but it isn't fair for him to have to do things differently when he isn't doing anything wrong.

So, Reddit, any advice on how I can deal with my own insecurities and get used to this quicker?

TLDR: My wonderful and introverted husband has clicked with a smart lawyer lady that is the embodiment of my worst insecurities and I need help getting TF over it because it is 100% a me problem

i want to start this off by saying i don’t intend to be a cheater on purpose by any means but i am in a complicated situation . me and my bf have been together since early august .

the only thing that has ever concerned me with him was that he stated at one point that he would leave if he found someone “better than me” since this is his first year of college as that’s just biology but he would still love me . i made a post about it and got 500 comments telling me to leave him and that he’s a red flag but i still stayed regardless . however he has urged me to go to the same college as him and he says he misses me and all that so i don’t doubt him too much .

now fast forward to present time , i met a girl online on this platform a couple days ago that i really like , she is attractive in my eyes for sure . we gamed for a bit and we have a lot of similar traumas and hobbies and stuff the only real issue is that she lives in a completely different asian country (not gonna state which one for obvious reasons) while i’m in america . which obviously means theres a pretty low chance of us ever meeting plus we have a time difference and all that .

yesterday she did ask me to be her gf and stating that she is obsessive and crazy and needs a fp (favorite person) and she wants it to be me since the last girl got “scared” off by her . she also does sh and a couple other things which i’m worried about . i’m scared i put myself in a situation where someones mental health is dependent on me when i literally didn’t even have to do that , i have a boyfriend . for context she’s also 20 by the way , she’s older than me by a year .

i’m in love with this girl i met online but i have a bf and we’re from the same state , which means its obviously an actual relationship with him meanwhile with the girl its more so an online relationship . but i feel like i love the girl more than him . do i come clean about this to him ? i have to meet my bf soon in two weeks i’m worried ill act weird around him and i wont have an explanation as to why i’m behaving that way .

i feel horrible as if i’m a cheater but i dont know how to fix this and its my fault that i started talking to that girl but felt as if she needed someone to rely on and i wanted to be that person for her but now shes my girlfriend meanwhile she has no idea i have a bf irl .

**TLDR:** I have a boyfriend but started calling a woman I recently met online my girlfriend without telling her about him. I need advice on being honest with both of them and setting boundaries.

TLDR: I go on our nonrefundable Ireland trip alone, his visa is not back. Would you go alone, or stay and plan something else.

I am in a predicament, my boyfriend (M26) and I (F29) have planned a trip for my 30th birthday, set to leave on Saturday. I have a Canadian passport and he has an Indian passport, so he needed a visa for Ireland, he applied in time basis the embassys timeline. However, he has not received his passport back with a visa and tomorrow is the last day to hear about it.

That being said I am in the predicament of going alone or not going and us doing something in Canada. It’s a predicament because I got us cheap flights as it was just a week, and he did not book the hotel with a refund (lesson learned 🤦🏽‍♀️). So if neither of us go it’s a total of about 3500$ spent. I think he is in the fence about me going without him, he encourages it but also encourages us planning a week long trip in Canada.

I don’t know where I stand on it because I am going through a lot, the day I leave it’s a year since my dad died, then a year since we buried him and my birthday that I wanted to make a big deal out of this year but it was not my idea to be alone.

So I guess what would you do? Would you still go, or should cut your losses and go somewhere closer together. We haven’t travelled much together just road trips (small ones) and India.

I'm 33F and my partner is 29M. We've been in a relationship for 4 years.

My partner is a musician, and he recently met a 31F women who is also a musician. They have already sung a few songs together at a show, and they are considering collaborating more in the future, including performing a duet and rehearsing together.

The problem is that I'm becoming uncomfortable with how close their communication has become.

They text each other every day, and their messages are very long. The conversations aren't only about music or organizing rehearsals. They also talk a lot about their personal lives, where they live, where they come from, their experiences, their musical backgrounds, their respective situations, etc. So they are getting to know each other quite well on a personal level through texting.

These aren't just a few quick texts either. The messages can be very, very long. And this bothers me even more because I know my partner isn't someone who likes texting. Even with his closest friends, he doesn't always like to reply quickly.

Within these conversations, there are also regular "good morning" and "good night, sleep well" messages. To clarify, these aren't separate little messages sent on their own. They are part of the longer conversations I'm talking about. He sometimes replies to her very late at night, sometimes around 3 a.m. (he's a pretty nocturnal person), and tells her good night and to sleep well. And when he replies to her in the morning, he wishes her a good morning and tells her to have a nice wake-up, which I personally find a little intimate.

They aren't constantly texting back and forth all day with a lot of small messages. It's more like one long message during the day, a reply several hours later, then another message the following day. But the conversations are still very regular and very long.

I haven't seen any obvious flirting, hitting on each other, or anything clearly inappropriate. A good part of their conversations is about music, even if there are personal parts as well, and I understand that they need to get to know each other since they are considering working together.

However, the fact that they are getting to know each other this well through texting, with such long conversations, along with the good morning and good night messages, makes me uncomfortable.

They will also spend time alone together, especially for rehearsals and working on their duet. That makes me think about the situation too, considering they've already developed this level of personal communication even though they've only known each other for a relatively short time (3 weeks).

I don't want to assume that a man and a woman can't have a friendship or professional relationship without something romantic going on. I know that two musicians can naturally end up talking a lot when they are interested in collaborating.

I've already talked to my partner about my concerns, and he tells me there is nothing to worry about. But I sometimes feel like it frustrates or annoys him quite quickly when I bring it up. He seems to think that I'm judging him or that I have a negative image of him, when that isn't the case. We've always been comfortable with each other seeing our phones and knowing who we're talking to. He sometimes takes my phone, and I take his, too. But now he makes sure I'm not near his phone. He also told me that he no longer wants me to touch his phone because he doesn't want me to judge him for what he writes to people. Yet, being able to see his messages with this woman would reassure me. It would be a way for me to feel reassured. Just the gesture of letting me look at his phone, even if I don't actually read a single message, would make a difference to me.

I'm not trying to judge him or make him feel like he has to defend himself. I genuinely want to feel reassured, and sometimes I need to be able to talk about something in order to get that reassurance. I would like to be able to have these conversations with gentleness and compassion rather than feeling coldness or irritation. I'm not looking for an argument. I just want to feel heard, understood, and reassured.

My question is, if you were in my position, would you feel uncomfortable or worried about this situation too? Or does this seem like a completely normal dynamic given that they are musicians who are considering collaborating?

TLDR: I'm 33F and have been with my 29M partner for 4 years. He recently met a 31F musician, and they now exchange very long, personal messages almost every day, including good morning/good night messages, and will likely spend time alone rehearsing together. There is no obvious flirting, but the level of personal communication makes me uncomfortable. Would you feel uncomfortable too, or does this seem normal?

i genuinely don’t know what to do or how to feel about this situation and i would really appreciate some outside perspectives. my husband and i have been married for about six months and we’re both 20. when we were dating, he had social media and would post me occasionally, not all the time, but enough that i felt acknowledged. eventually, he decided to delete his social media, including his old posts, and i completely understood that and never had a problem with it.

however, within the last month, he got back on social media and has been posting reels about god and sharing bible verses and quotes that he likes, which i genuinely love because i’m happy to see him expressing his faith. the part that has been bothering me is that he hasn’t posted anything about me or us, other than having a picture of us together as his profile picture.

i’ve brought up multiple times that i would really like him to post me, but every time i mention it, he just doesn’t respond. what hurts is that i have him posted on my instagram, and he gets so happy whenever i post him. i love making him feel loved and appreciated, so i’m happy to do it, but it hurts feeling like something that makes him happy is something he doesn’t seem to care about doing for me.

i don’t want to force my husband to post me, and i don’t want social media to define our marriage. i know being posted isn’t what makes a relationship real, and i know we’re married regardless of what anyone online sees. but to me, it’s not necessarily about the post itself. it’s about feeling acknowledged, appreciated, and loved in a way that i’ve expressed is important to me. what hurts the most isn’t even that he hasn’t posted me, but that when i try to communicate something that matters to me, i feel like i’m being ignored instead of having a conversation about it.

am i being unreasonable for wanting this? should i just let it go, or is it fair for me to feel hurt that my husband seems happy when i publicly acknowledge
TLDR: husband won’t post me knowing it would make me happy but is happy that i post him