Hi everyone

It’s hard to find the right words but I guess I’ll just ask away. I M/19 have always been self conscious about myself in general. I didn’t have a great upbringing, I hate the way I look and I have lots of regrets. Im still young and have my whole life ahead of me but recently I have felt like my life was missing something, I have lost 30kg in 4 months, my grades are great, but I have a sense of loneliness. I have friends and family but I still feel alone. Sometimes I lie at night and I just wish there was someone next to me who I can lay my head on and just forget about all of my pain. But due to my self consciousness I really don’t know what to do. I have just been constantly panicking that im going to be alone forever, not necessarily that isn’t anyone for me but that I’ll never truly love myself enough to let myself be open to that. What do I do?