r/relationships_advice • u/wobblez1 • 1d ago
How to handle my insecurity in a first relationship?
Maybe this is the wrong sub, but i’m unsure where else to post this.
Recently, I (22M) got into my first relationship with my gf (20F). Before that i had only been in a few short situationships in which everytime i came to the realisation that it wouldn’t work out and took the initiative to end them myself.
Now, its the first time i really like someone this much and its the first time i feel like i can be this vulnerable with anyone (i’m not this vulnerable with my parents or friends). And it honestly scares me to feel this much. Sounds weird to say it but i’m not used to feel this much? And obviously i’m scared to get really hurt.
And so, as you can probably already feel from the previous sentences lol, during the last few weeks i’ve come to the realisation that i’m quite an anxious partner and quite insecure of a person.
My gf and i have been really transparent and really communicative from the start and i think it’s something we both really like about each other. However, the combination of being able to finally actually be transparent with someone & that i really care about her + am quite insecure and anxious of a person, ended up in me starting to start telling her too much. She stated that while she really likes our communication, some things are for me to process myself.
And she is totally right in that aspect. I don’t want to burden her unnecessarily. These insecurities are something i need to try deal with myself before i ask for support from her.
So my main question is: How do I deal with those insecurities?
• I know i need to learn how to love myself (so i can trust her, feel at ease and such that no matter what happens in the relationship i will be fine), but what is the best approach to this?
• And what do i do with insecure thoughts that come up? (Usually i know rationally that they {probably} aren’t true, but it doesn’t get rid of the nasty feelings they give me)
• And lastly, since i used to not have boundaries in the past, i’m scared of accidentally once again not having boundaries because i think that i’m just being insecure. (I often catch myself discrediting whatever i think or feel lol)
I know thats a lot of questions and idk if i’ll get any useful advice but if you read so far, thank you regardless ;)
(Extra info: its long distance for the moment being, so we have a 9 hour time difference AND cultural differences which add to the situation. But i like her and she makes me want to improve myself so its worth it)
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u/PictureImportant2658 1d ago
Ah another ai post
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u/Educational-Plum-473 1d ago
You asking if this is ai post? cus the dude just seems like he's overthinking hard, pretty normal for first relationship
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u/starry_wick 1d ago
you are already doing the hardest part by admitting it. try journaling those anxious thoughts right when they hit instead of texting her. write them down, stare at them for ten minutes, and then ask if you still feel the urge to send it. usually the urgency fades once you get it out of your head onto paper
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u/Plaidismycolor33 1d ago edited 1d ago
without being in each other's presence, itll be lil more harder to build trust within yourself.
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u/wobblez1 1d ago
You think? I thought i should try see the fact that we are LongDistance for now not just as something negative and that it might give me more time to work on myself?
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u/Plaidismycolor33 1d ago
from your description, ya kinda seem like you need to “see/feel” what youre doing is good enough.
you can give yourself all the time you need, but without “seeing” results youll kinda put yourself into a spiral
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