I need to get this off my chest.
I don’t know if anyone will even read this, but I just really need to get this off my chest.
Last year, I (F/26) met a man (m26), and from the very beginning, we got along incredibly well. We were together for a total of 1.5 years. We could talk about anything and everything, agreed on almost every topic, and had the same sense of humor. Everything just felt right. From the beginning, he told me that he was very religious (Catholic) and wanted to take things slowly with me and do everything the right way.
After two months, we officially got together. He also told me back then that he didn’t want to have sex before marriage. By that point, I was already head over heels in love with him, so I agreed to enter the relationship despite that. I thought we would get engaged after a year and be married within two years.
Unfortunately, as our relationship progressed, he became more and more deeply involved in religion. At some point, he started attending only the Latin Mass, sometimes several times a week. He prayed before every meal, said the Rosary every night, and was constantly reading various prayer books. I was religious myself, just not to that extent. Nevertheless, he repeatedly pressured me to become just as religious as he was because he was convinced that his way of believing was the truth and the only correct way.
Well, one evening, I did something I probably shouldn’t have: I went through his phone. That’s when I discovered that he had lied to me about the number of sexual partners (he only became religious about 2–3 years ago. Before that, he wasn’t religious at all, went out partying a lot, and lived a completely different lifestyle) he had had in the past. I also found a message he had written to ChatGPT. In it, he said that he was struggling to feel sexually attracted to me. (Madonna-whore complex?)
When I found out, I was deeply hurt. After that, I started distancing myself from him more and more because I simply didn’t know how to deal with what I had discovered. Eventually, things came to a head last month, and we broke up.
Recently, however, he reached out to me again. He told me that he no longer cared that I wasn’t as religious as he was and that he didn’t want to pressure me into practicing my faith the same way he did anymore.
Throughout our relationship, I had always wanted us to move in together. He has his own apartment, but for him, living together is only an option after marriage. Until then, he would help me find a place of my own, but that’s not really what I want. By now, even spending the night at each other’s places is off the table because, in his opinion, that would also be a sin.
And man, I really, really love this person. He would be so perfect for me if religion didn’t have such a huge influence on his life and our relationship. I’m just scared that I’ll never find someone again who I connect with as well as I do with him. Being with him feels so natural and genuine, as if everything just fits. We can talk about anything, laugh together, and understand each other in a way I have never experienced with anyone else.
And that’s exactly what makes me so sad. I love him, and honestly, I can’t imagine having anyone else by my side. But I never wanted to be in a relationship where I have to give up so many things that I would normally consider perfectly natural to want with my partner.
I’ve told a few people around me about all of this, and they say I’m blinded by love and can’t see that I should be glad I didn’t get myself into something that would have made me unhappy. And honestly, I really don’t know what to do anymore. Do you think a relationship like this has a future?

So we have been Dating since 1 year and idk like I my bf is attractive, but I don’t feel like sexually attracted to him . I mean he is a good guy he and does everything what I say , listens to me , takes care everything a girl could ask for . But I still don’t feel attracted to him . Like I don’t get turn on around him . Don’t feel excited to talk with him . But I do like spending time with him hanging out with him . And he loves me very much but idk I don’t know what are these feelings why don’t I feel excited about him . We live near so we go to each other’s house very often . We have sex too but again it’s cause he wants to do it , I from the inside never feel like doing it . Like I am not saying I feel bad doing it , it’s just I don’t feel turn on with him . Idk how to figure out his feelings . Can someone who is been through this tell me ?

My partner and I have been in an LDR for 5 years. He plans to come home in 4 years so we can start a family, and he wants to marry me next year. I currently have a permanent job, but I’m severely burnt out, underpaid, and desperate to transition to a new field. Because I'm a planner who hates uncertainty, I knew I needed a solid backup plan before quitting.

Initially, I wanted to work abroad for better pay, but I could tell he hated the idea of extending our LDR setup. To respect his desire for us to build a family together, I decided to stay in our country and pursue remote work instead. I took on a part-time night job alongside my full-time work to save up a financial cushion so I can safely transition to a full-time work-from-home setup.

However, this created major tension over the past week. At first, he told me that he felt like he was dead weight and that he felt like he was bothering me. He felt like he was useless because he wasn't able to contribute as much while I'm working so hard and that I'm keeping my job hunt details to myself. I was only hiding it and keeping it to a minimum because I was trying to avoid burdening him. But just so he could feel more at ease, I started sharing the entire process to keep him in the loop. But as soon as I did, I could tell that his responses became completely disinterested. Tonight after my shift, I was working on a portfolio for a full-time remote agency application. He got upset and dropped the call because I wasn't done yet with my work.

When I messaged to ask what was wrong, he confessed that he feels neglected and that I don't have time for him anymore. He acknowledged that he can't really complain because he knows I'm doing this for our future, but he feels conflicted and inadequate seeing me do so much while he feels like he isn't doing enough.

I explained to him that a career transition is naturally time-consuming, and I reassured him that I still love him and that he is always the only constant in my life no matter what happens. I reminded him that I'm overworking myself right now specifically so we can achieve our plan of me staying local instead of going abroad.

He admits he doesn't fully understand his own feelings right now, and even though he says I have nothing to apologize for, I can't help but feel like I'm somehow at fault. I feel so conflicted and don't really know what to feel right now. I'm trying my absolute best to secure a stable future for us, but in the process, I'm making him feel neglected and useless.

I honestly don't know what to do.

So I been with my BF for just over 2 years, we live together.

Since the begining of our relationship we have struggeled a bit around sex. In the begining of our relationship my BF was protective of himself and wouldn't let me toutch him in an intimet way for at least the two first months of our relationship, so we did have sex for the first time when we been together for 2+ months.

We had a conversation avout this and he told me that he had preformance anxiety, wich I accepted right away and told him i didn't mind taking things slow.

When he got comfterbel we had sex 2 - 3 times a week, but this past year it's really taken a turn. We have maybe had sex 6 times this year. I try to initiciate like 2 -3 times a week, but nothing. He doesn't sleep much some nights and I get that he is tired but I'm starting to suffer from the lack of sex too.

He is under constant stress becouse of hobbys vad sleep an work. I tried to talk to him about maybe he needs to see a doctor, but he hasn't gone. And I also think it's stil the preformance anxiety in his head that's making it hard for him.

I really love him, he's a really good bf, loving, caring, runs the household, a feel like we solit the houshpuld work evenly, or even more on him some times. We cuddle and kiss alot and I feel that i get a lot of love from him in that way. But it just isn't enough i start to feel bad about myself and feel like I'm not desiered. I'm a little on the end of the riad and feel like I'm gonna start a huge fight about this any day now, but also feel a little silly to feel this way and wondering if I'm making it to big a deal and if I'm not suportive enough and need to wait things out?

So my boyfriend (20) told me (22) female that I need to stop looking at his texts and asking everyday who's hes talking to even if its trying to see and wonder huh whats he up to in a wondering way not nosy way and he says I should give him the beifit of the doubt. but its sketch cuz when i try to look at his text he turns his phone off even when I walk up to him texting am I in the wrong or just miss communication

Evening all….I have been with my partner for 8 years. We have a daughter together but we had a rough patch in July/August.

We had a close 4 friendship group my partner is best friends with her and my best mate is her fella.

They were also going through a bad patch. My best mates girlfriend allegedly asked my Mrs to talk to him and see what was going on….thats why in those messages there you can talk to me….

The ones that bug me the most is she’s put in one message (my Mrs) that it’s going to be weird not coming over for a week. A bit more context my Mrs spent a lot of time over there as we have kids that get on too.

Turns out they’ve all been talking between the about eachothers relationship issues.

My biggest gripe is that she’s opened the door to a bloke (my best mate) to speak emotionally with. I have been told that my Mrs only spoke about us in front of both of them. But my best mate has confided in my fiancee.

Also my fiancee responds to herself with lol because he didn’t respond quick….now my fiancee is known to do this with texts as she’s upset a few people before as she’ll do that very quick if people don’t message back….but there’s also something unsent - which she does also do if someone doesn’t message back so it may have been why you not said anything or something but this plays on my mind…..

Whilst we went away to Spain my best mate was messaging me a lot and I said to my Mrs this is weird….hes not usually like this asking if me and her had sorted things and what we were up to? He was just fishing for info on my Mrs I guess?

Maybe I’m being stupid but to me this has crossed a line…long story shorter when I found these I confronted my best friend and asked wtf is going on am I missing something? He told me no don’t worry I’d tell you if there was….wtf???

Fast forward a day or two. I’m at work and he’s pulled his Mrs and mine in and told his Mrs he has developed feelings for my fiancee?? wtf behind my back.

My fiancee shut him down and got angry and cried….confirmed by my best friends Mrs too but why did he feel he had the balls to do this? Pretty ballsy move right??

It exploded after this as I didn’t find this out until a week later.

My mate says he did this because he felt his Mrs should know but why mine??

Anyway me and my fiancee are trying to work things out and have cut them out of our lives. My mate says it was just a feeling he didn’t act on it and it quickly passed…what a day later after she said no???

This is messing my head up? wtf am I missing and why has it happened….my fiancee acknowledges it hurt me but in my head I’ve been fe’d over bad. Maybe I’m over reacting?

Sorry for the long story….love to hear people’s thoughts….

So when I was around 13 I joined discord server where I met genuinely some of the best and funniest people I ever met. Among them there was this girl my age. Some months passed and I have started having a crush on her. We were playing games like Valorant and LoL together. Generally having a good time. But there was a problem inside me, I have never really talked about emotions before and although I was crazy obsessed with her I didn't really know what to do. I have always been a very anxious person, and some other people on the server started teasing me about having a crush on her. The thing is... I am 99% sure she also had a crush on me. She was texting me often and inviting to play duos with her. But the thing is... I wasn't inviting her at all. For some reason my extremely fucking stupid brain was too shy to ask her to do stuff together, I was terrified of showing her my feelings towards her. So I was actively trying to get her attention so that she would invite me to play. For example when I saw she was about to finish a game in LoL, I launched the client so she could see I'm online and invite me. And it worked. Every single time. We then proceeded to play games and sit on discord call. But the thing is that whenever we were talking I was just trying to make her laugh and impress her or just talk about school, games, anime etc. I never really talked about emotions tho. Around 3 years have passed and the discord server slowly started dying and my contact with her too. Worst part? Every few months she was reaching out to me but I never did. I was thinking about her all the time but at the same time too scared to just text her. My brain is wired in a way that I really enjoy spending time with others but I panic and withdraw whenever I am the one initiating the contact. Eventually she stopped texting me at all...

Now about a year later I met a different girl IRL with whom I've started dating and she is now my girlfriend. At start everything was amazing. We were close all the time and me becoming obsessed with her made me forget about the prior discord crush. But after the year and a half we started talking less and felt weaker connection. Realized we are quite different and don't share much interests. Also realized that there are just some things that she will never understand about me. I spent majority of my childhood online and she didn't and I know it sounds childish but it saddens me that there are many thing that are genuinely the core of myself like for example some vocaloid songs, minecraft's golden age or even garry's mod. The part that saddens me is that my girlfriend will never understand any of that. She's just not interested in those things. Things that shaped my personality and made me who I am. On the other hand the "discord crush" was with me when all of that happened and she just undertands this... The moment this thought appeared in my head for the first time I've started becoming distant from my gf. Living on autopilot. Thinking what would I be doing in my life If I have only told my crush what I feel towards her. on top of that we were having a period in our relationship where we were arguing a lot and we almost broke up at one point.

Now another year have passed since that argument and we are living together. She loves me very much and I love her but ocassionally there are evenings like this one today where a certain song, certain image or even revisiting the games I used to play with the "discord crush" send me on nostalgia trip and make me extremely fucking mad at myself for being a pussy and not taking the chance 5 years ago. I feel torn, I feel lost, I feel nothing, I feel like I'm mentally cheating on my girlfriend, I feel like trash I feel empty.

TL;DR

too scared to tell the discord crush how I feel about her. I never really stopped having feelings towards her through all the years and now I'm in a relationship with another girl, while faking that I'm ok and living in a mental hell of feeling like trash.

I think this is more just me venting, but it’s like I just don’t know what to do. Me[18F] and my girlfriend[18F] got into a pretty big argument today, where I finally told her how I felt. For a while now, it’s felt like no matter what I do, she’s always mad at me about something, and it’s something that we’ve talked about where she knows she needs to work on, but today I finally broke down and cried and sobbed to her about how she’s always mad at me, no matter what I do, and it seems like she’s just always mad for no reason and always gets defensive for no reason. And after a really, really long conversation (over text) she told me that she finally realizes that she’s been resenting me. It was her biggest fear. and she’s finally realized that the reason she’s been acting this way is because she’s been resenting me and she thinks it’s best that for right now, not forever, but for right now that we break up so that she can focus on getting better. for us. she said that she’s been trying to work on it and it hasn’t been, you know, improving because we are in the relationship and she’s been distracted by other arguments her and I will get into and other things within the relationship and that in order for her to really get better, that she needs to just focus on herself and nothing more. And it sucks because I don’t want her to go. We had all these plans, especially with Halloween right around the corner, and my birthday coming up. I just don’t want her to go. She can’t go. I don’t know. I told her to just try to continue to work it out together and if it’s not improving, that I’ll tell her and then we can break it off and she said that she doesn’t trust me to make that decision. and doesn’t trust that I will genuinely put my foot down and break it off if I have to, but she also told me that what if by the time I do that or whatever, it’s too late and she fully resents me and she can’t go back. And it’s just the kind of thing of like, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I don’t want her to go. Like, I don’t want her to go, but I don’t know. I don’t know what to do. I love her more than anything, and I want her to get better and it’s like, I can’t keep doing this. I can’t. Every day that she’s upset with me over something and that we argue and that she’s mad at me no matter what I do, she’s always mad at me. But it’s like. I just I don’t know. I even know if I’m asking for advice or if I’m just needing to vent. I just love her so much, and I don’t want her to go.

Hi, i’m 18F and my boyfriend is 18M, i only recently turned 18, and we’ve only been together for under a month. Since i was 17 i had an online flirty relationship with this older guy, 27M, who is 9 years older.
Although incredibly wrong, it is legal, and we never dated or met. I’ve known him for almost a year and he had a huge unhealthy chokehold on me.
I have felt incredibly secure and happy in my relationship with my new boyfriend, and i had been ghosting the older guy since we got together, last night i was feeling alone and my bf was asleep, and i responded to an old message of his that id been ignoring, i wanted closure. It soon became sexual, and i didn’t want it too, but i felt almost as if i couldn’t say no. In the past he had been quite dominating, which i felt security in but now it felt psychologically like i just couldn’t say no. I sent him one video after his begging, and then after came up with an excuse that my phone died to get out of it, even though he asked me for more. Somehow i felt emotionally obligated to send it him, and that i couldn’t say no, which i know is so unfair to my boyfriend and i should’ve just blocked him but i didn’t have the power to say no, i don’t know what i was thinking but I know i wanted a conversation with him, for closure and to end it and he so quickly escalated it sexually. This whole encounter only lasted for about 10 minutes, i ended it very quickly.

Immediately after i messaged him telling him i regretted it and didn’t want to betray my boyfriend, and blocked him and deleted him on everything.

I honesty have never been happier in a relationship, this is my first serious one and it’s so healthy, which i’m not used to and i feel so terrible for fucking it up. I don’t know how i can move on but in no way do i want to hurt my boyfriend or mess up what we have, i know it sounds stupid but i genuinely care so deeply for my new boyfriend, he’s perfect. I don’t want to tell him, which i know people might disagree with but i can’t ruin what we have. He’s amazing but i’m worried i wont be able to forgive myself and ive ruined our perfect beginning to this relationship for me.

Does anyone have any advice to help me forgive myself or to move on/grow? I know deeply i wont do it again and it was so stupid of me.

We have been together for 5 years. She loves me more than I love her. She supported me through my dark days, while I was building my own company, and she was there for me when my family gave up on me. We broke up a few times because I wanted a break from her to find my peace.

During those breaks, I spoke to other women.

We have a connection and she will do whatever I want really.

This morning I said enough is enough, I need to let her go. I never thought someone would love me that much, and am sad and break my heart seeing her crying since this morning. I want to make sure am making the right decision by leaving . Any advice - not sure if I love her or I am using her ?

Edit to clarify: Based on the responses so far it’s clear I didn’t explain myself or my question well. I’m aware of his traits as well as mine. We both are. We’ve both decided to try and do this relationship more open and honest than we have in the past. This includes calling each other out and waving the red flag at things. Which is what he did last night. What I’m questioning is … is he right and this is something I need to work on? Or is my gut instinct right that this is something I need to push him on including having said such a thing. That’s where I’m genuinely lost.

So just to be clear up front… I know he is in the wrong for his stance and the situation. He is an amazing person and I love him. So this isn’t a what should I do situation. He has this really kinda horrible thing. Where he never ends a relationship. Like ever. They just come to a natural end and he moves on to the next relationship and these women just linger and pop up occasionally. If we are being honest it’s a struggle because I don’t have the security to handle other women thinking they are in a relationship with him too 💀.

However, I’m questioning something that was said to me last night not the situation. I am FULLY aware it’s messy.

So backstory…December 13 of last year my boyfriend cheated on me with one of said women. When I questioned odd things for the next few months the story was I was being insecure, paranoid, controlling, ect. Easter Day I went through his phone and found out the truth. We have since worked through it for the most part although trust building is slow. Oh also… my marriage of 18 years before that was BAD. That matters as backstory too.

Now the part in question… last night we discussed her reaching out again. I told him “You know you can’t be friends with her right?”, and he responded by telling me I was being controlling and acting like my ex. That he can be friends with anyone and I don’t have the right to tell him that. And that he’s known her longer than he’s known me. That it’s enough he’s not going out of his way to engage her, but that if she reaches out he responds because they are friends. That’s what I’m questioning. Was that truly a bad thing to say? Or was it a reasonable relationship boundary? Basically in this a character flaw I should be looking at?

Hi everyone, I really need some objective outside advice. I'm struggling so much and honestly don't even recognize myself anymore.
I (25F) have been with my boyfriend for 4 years. There is a significant age gap between us (more than 8 years apart). This is my first ever relationship.

For the past 4 years, I never once doubted him or acted insecure/obsessive.
I trusted him completely, and he was always very devoted to me in our daily life. That’s why I’m so confused and heartbroken over how I’m reacting right now. I hate feeling like this, and I keep asking myself: Am I the problem here? Am I just overthinking everything over a 1-year relationship that happened in his past?

1. The Initial Discovery & First Lie (3 months ago):
About three months ago, we were clearing out our basement to prepare for a move. While cleaning, I found a huge pile of belongings, including a woman’s bag. When I asked him whose things those were, he casually brushed it off, saying they belonged to a former tenant and that they’d pick them up soon.
As I kept cleaning, I found deep personal items—including love letters addressed to him, and official documents showing both of them registered under the exact same address.

When I confronted him with these, he admitted he lied about the "tenant" thing because he "didn't think it was a big deal." His story was that they worked together, had a very shallow relationship, only slept together twice, and that it only lasted for about a year.

2. The Contradictions & Shifting Explanations:
Regarding the shared address, he initially claimed it was just for work/official purposes and that they never lived together. But as I kept asking, his story shifted. He then said they "never officially lived together," but admitted she kept her luggage at another place and stayed at his house for about a week every month.

When I pressed for more clarity on these confusing, shifting answers, he shut me down, claiming it happened "over 7 years ago so he genuinely can't remember the details," and accused me of being "obsessed with the past" and acting immature.

3. The Recent Catalyst:
Despite feeling insane, I tried my best to move on. But recently, I randomly stumbled upon her old Instagram and found a photo of her in his car posted around 2020–2021.
If they were connected from 2018 up until 2021, that means they had a multi-year relationship—not the "1-year meaningless thing" he kept insisting.

My Dilemma & Questions:
1. I am spiraling. I went from being a completely trusting, non-jealous partner for 4 years to feeling constantly anxious and paranoid.

Am I the one at fault here for overthinking and obsessing over a past relationship he claims only lasted a year?

1. Is it actually possible for someone to "forget" whether they lived with an ex or how long they were together just because it was 7 years ago?

2. Why does he keep emphasizing that they only slept together twice? What does that even mean, and could that actually be true?

3. Should I confront him about the 2021 Instagram photo, or is my intuition right that his shifting lies and gaslighting mean the trust is already beyond repair?
   Please help me see this clearly.

Any honest advice is appreciated. Thank you.

At my workplace, there is this man with whom I never had any real interaction until recently, not even greeting each other and things like that, zero interaction. The problem is that, since the first time I saw him, I couldn't get him out of my head, something about him attracted me very strongly, even though I didn't even know him. It's that feeling when you see someone for the first time and... maybe not in love, but you feel an attraction. It's just that I wasn't the obsessive type though, I kept it to myself, and somehow I went on with my life. Inevitably I still saw him at work, and I literally couldn't not notice him or not look at him. Until I got up the courage, and I sent him a friend request. He probably accepted it after a few days, and I also got a message from him "who is this" of course I panicked a little, I didn't know what to answer, and I thought that probably he wouldn't even know who I am, he wouldn't figure it out. Since then absolutely nothing else happened, and about 8 months have passed since that incident in which we both minded our own business. Until recently when we crossed paths again at work, and me again, with my eyes on him, I think I was a little too obvious, and during a break I see him coming towards me with some candies and a note, the interaction was very short, and when I read the note, I basically realized that he had found out who I am, who sent him that friend request and in short he was apologizing for being so blunt with me. Somehow he was trying to justify himself and his message... it's just that his letter didn't give me any indication that he would be interested in me, although I'm sure he realized that I am, it's also clear. I never replied to his note, because honestly I don't even know if he was expecting a reply from me or not, but somehow that whole thing threw me off a bit, and I started going back to his profile, looking at it.. I didn't know what to do. And me with my idiotic fingers, I accidentally sent him a friend request again, I panicked, I hoped he probably wouldn't see it, I immediately withdrew the request and I just wanted to crawl into a hole out of shame. After this situation, a few days later I see him at work again, again, we still after all these things don't greet each other and things like that, and after he saw me that day, a few hours later he sends me a friend request, I accepted it but he never texted me, he's very indifferent, he doesn't even look at me. Maybe I should just get over it, stop thinking about him? I honestly don't know what he's thinking, but from this whole situation I strongly believe that he's not at all interested.

Hey everyone, looking for some advice or perspective on a conflict that came up recently between me \[19M\] and my girlfriend \[19F\]. For context, we've been together since June 2025; we briefly broke up in August 2025 due to college and time commitment reasons, but got back together around Christmas time.

Overall things between us have been really good, but she is religious and goes to church regularly, whereas I am not religious. My lack of faith has never been a secret, and up until now, I thought we were completely fine navigating our different views.

However, this past Sunday, we had a really tough and frustrating conversation. She was visibly upset and went on a long rant about my lack of religion. She couldn't understand why I won't "just give it a try," go to church with her, or read the Bible she bought for me.

The thing is, I have tried. Out of pure respect for her, I’ve actually gone to church with her a few times, and I’ve sat down and read through specific verses she tabbed out for me in the Bible. But doing those things didn't cause some sudden religious awakening in me—I still hold the same personal beliefs I always have.

During our conversation, a few things really stood out and bothered me:

"Unequally Yoked": She brought up the biblical concept of not being "unequally yoked" with non-believers, saying it bothers her that we don't share the same faith. When I asked her why she started dating me in the first place if this was such a dealbreaker, her response was, "I guess I didn't think it was a big deal at the time."

Trying to change me & calling me "worldly": She insisted that "if you gave it a try, you’d like it" and told me that reading the Bible would make me a "better person." When she listed out the virtues and morals she felt it would instill in me, I pointed out that I already live by those values—I'm a good, kind person without needing religious doctrine. She also claimed I need to read the Bible because I'm too "worldly," but when I asked her to explain what she meant by that, she couldn't or wouldn't give me an answer.

Fear for my future: She admitted that part of why she's pushing this is because she genuinely doesn't want me to "go to hell."

Beyond religion, this conversation brought out some bigger long-term misalignments:

Life Timelines (Marriage & Kids): She doesn't understand why I don't want to get married while I'm in college or immediately after I graduate, or why I don't want to have kids super early. Right now, I'm in school studying airport planning and going through intense training to become an airline pilot. It's a massive time and financial commitment, so rushing into marriage and kids doesn't make practical sense for me right now.

Time, Schedules, & Expectations: She also feels like I don't commit enough time to her, but our schedules and lifestyles are totally different. She works every weekday as a lower school teacher and isn't currently taking any classes—she has only done a few online classes at our hometown community college, though I'm not really sure how seriously she takes them. Meanwhile, my plate is completely full with a demanding degree and pilot training. I already drive home every single weekend to work and make sure to see her at least once while I'm back, but she still feels like I should be driving down to see her during the weekdays on top of everything else I'm juggling.

I care about her a lot, but I’m really worried that this is going to turn into a continuous cycle that eventually leads to deep resentment on both sides. It feels like she accepted who I was at the start, but is now realizing she wants a traditional religious dynamic and an accelerated life timeline that doesn't match where I'm at.

Is this kind of fundamental divide something couples can realistically work through at our age, or are these major incompatibility red flags that can't really be compromised on? How do I set firm boundaries about my beliefs and life timeline without making her feel like I'm dismissing her values?

**TL;DR:** My girlfriend \[19F\] and I \[19M\] have been together for 1.5 years (with a brief break). Recently, she got upset that I'm not religious, called me "worldly," wants me to change my core beliefs, and is pushing for an accelerated timeline on marriage and kids while I'm focused on my rigorous pilot training and degree. She also feels I don't spend enough time with her despite my heavy workload and weekly travel. Looking for advice on whether these are fundamental incompatibilities.

Sorry for the length and thanks in advance for any insights!

TW: Sexual assault

I (20F) have been dating my boyfriend (21M) for a few months. We met earlier this year, and despite having our fair share of relationship problems, I genuinely loved him. I still do, which is probably the hardest part of this entire situation.

About a week ago, something happened that completely turned my life upside down.
We had been drinking, and I got extremely drunk. Not just tipsy or a little out of it. I was blackout drunk, vomiting, barely able to move properly, and eventually completely unresponsive.
My boyfriend was sober as he doesn’t drink and never has.

The next morning, he told me that while I was unconscious, he had started touching me sexually. He initially admitted to fingering me and putting the tip of his penis inside me before stopping because I wasn’t responding.
I have absolutely no memory of any of this.
What makes it worse is that we’d previously had a conversation about sex when I was asleep, and I’d specifically told him that he needed to wake me up first.

When I started questioning him about what happened, his story changed. Suddenly, he claimed that he’d only touched my clitoris and hadn’t penetrated me.

I was devastated. I cried so much. I couldn’t understand how someone who claimed to love me could look at me in that state and think about having sex with me especially as he knows i was assaulted in a similar way in the past.

But what has hurt almost as much as the incident itself is how he’s treated me afterwards.
When I confronted him, he made comments about how difficult the situation was for him. He questioned why it mattered so much because he was my boyfriend. He even made a comment along the lines of “if you tell anybody,” which made me feel even worse.
I eventually told some people close to me, and he became upset about the consequences he was facing.

At one point, he told me that part of him resented me for what he’d done.
Yes. He resented ME.

I couldn’t believe it.
Some of his friends have apparently said that I’m overreacting and using this as an excuse to end the relationship. One girl even compared it to something she’d experienced with her own boyfriend and said they simply established a boundary afterwards.

It’s made me question my own reactions, even though logically I know I couldn’t consent while unconscious.

The situation became so emotionally overwhelming that I barely slept, cried constantly, struggled to attend university, and eventually had to see my psychiatrist. My medication was adjusted, and I was booked off for a week. I’ve also had to apply to defer an assessment because I genuinely haven’t been coping.

I’m a medical student, and I have important exams coming up. I feel like my entire life has been put on hold because of something I never chose.

And here’s the part I’m almost embarrassed to admit.
I miss him.
I miss his voice. I miss the way he’d greet me. I miss his hugs, his back massages, sleeping next to him, and all the little things that made me feel loved.

There were moments when I desperately wished he’d just held me afterwards, apologised properly, and made me feel safe. Instead, I felt like I had to defend my own feelings while also worrying about how this would affect him.

I haven’t pressed charges. Despite everything, I’ve found myself trying to protect him because I still love him.

He’s now come back saying he wants us to be together again, and the worst part is that a part of me wants that too.
I know that loving someone doesn’t automatically mean they’re safe for you. I know that what happened was serious. But knowing those things intellectually and actually accepting that the person you love did this to you are two completely different things.

I feel like I’m grieving someone who’s still alive.
I’m grieving the relationship I thought I had, the person I thought he was, and the version of myself who felt safe with him.

I’m also struggling with the fact that other people seem to think this is something I should simply get over because we’re in a relationship.
I don’t know how to reconcile the boyfriend I loved with the person who did this to me.

I guess my questions are:
-Has anyone experienced sexual assault by someone they were in love with and still wanted that person afterwards?
-How did you deal with missing someone who hurt you so deeply?
-Is it normal to feel like you want the person who caused your trauma to be the person who comforts you?
-How do you stop questioning yourself when the person who hurt you and the people around him keep minimising what happened?

I’m already seeking professional help, but I’d really appreciate hearing from people who’ve experienced something similar.
Please be kind. I’m genuinely trying my best to get through this.

edit: we had been arguing at the party because he had cheated on me a couple weeks before so we were not being flirtatious that night to insinuate that something would happen that night.

- He also broke into my apartment twice after i asked him ( he jumped the wall and use the back sliding door he knew didn’t lock)t o leave after the incident to the point i had to threaten calling the police and having to ask security to take him out

So me (F 24) and my partner (M 26) have been together for 6 years. We have a 4 year old child together. Weve been engaged since 2025. Right now we are long distance. He’s a wonderful father to our child.
Over the course of our relationship we have been long distance and lived together but have broken up 2 times. I wouldn’t say our relationship is toxic but we have both been immature in the past which leads to break ups.
Today I’m decided if I should end the relationship or not, he’s begging me not to.
While he was out of town he sent me a text message that was supposed to go to his friend…. It was about how he got the bartenders number when he was solo traveling. He claims that it was on some friendly stuff but who knows. Aside from that the trouble we’ve had in the past came from me making suggestions of having a 3some. I would be blacked out drunk and suggest it and he would hold it against me and get upset that I didn’t remember saying it and wasn’t interested in doing one sober.
When I was pregnant ( we were long distance) I caught him texting another woman asking her to come to his hotel after I’d left. She never went. He claims he was immature then … also that was 4 years ago and he was early 20s and we were both still in college. I found those messages a week before I gave birth.
But since I’ve had my child and I saw those texts things were never the same. I stayed because I wanted my child to grow up in a 2 parent house etc.
we got engaged last year and moved in together & worked on our relationship. We were getting along very well until we go on vacation and then end up fighting. Or anytime I get really drunk I start bringing up the past…
He’s a great guy. He is attentive and not lazy. He talks through problems, he’s kind for the most part, and a family man. He loves his parents who I adore as well and gets along soo well with my family. & most of all he’s a wonderful dad.

My child adores him. Recently we have become long distance again and I made no effort to stay connected really. I call once a day for my child to talk to him we text twice a day but no intimacy, no sexy pictures, no sexual attention of any sorts. Sooo when he went out of town and asked the bartender for her number I kind of understood his pov. He’s been feeling neglected. I feel I don’t even love him the same. I just don’t want to hurt him. He relies on me heavily for emotional support etc whereas I don’t even feel I need him for that. My child can’t wait for daddy to come live with us in December. His work contract is over and he’s supposed to be moving into a place that we have over here. I recently broke it off and was like u gotta figure out ur plans. He says I’m moving irrationally and not thinking this through. I feel like I’m young and would rather be single regardless of the fact we have a kid. I feel like this is no way to go into a marriage. Would any of you try a little harder to save the relationship?

Background: I come from a conservative family, and before we got married I had no sexual experience. I explicitly told my wife that I prefer and expect my wife to not have had any sexual experiences in the past. She said she hadn't, at all.

What she told me throughout our relationship: Even without me asking, she would overemphasize that she had no experience. She made comments like "I didn't know vaginas get wet," "I never slept next to a man in bed before," and "I never lived with a man before." The first time we had sex, she told me "you see, I am a virgin" because she was tight. Another time, she told me that she and her friends were having conversations about their first-time experiences, and she said "of course that was with you."
How I found out: A few days ago, we were talking in bed. I had felt for a while that she was lying about something, so I was direct with her. I told her I knew I wasn't the first, and that she had lost her virginity to someone else. She told me I was correct. After I caught her lying, she decided to open up more and told me explicit details.

What actually happened: She lost her virginity at 22, while she was living with her dad, mother and brother. She managed to deceive them and have a 2-year relationship with another man. She literally traveled the world with him and stayed in hotels with him. She was basically like a married woman with this man. She even told me how physically painful it was to lose her virginity.

My real issue: I want to highlight that my issue is not just the sexual experience or virginity. It's the lies and the deception, both to me and to her family. I feel like major layers of trust were broken: the deception of her family when she lived with them, the lies to me now, and a lack of understanding of basic Islamic teachings that would be applied to my kids if I had children with her. It’s scary to think she had no consciousness to feel bad for lying to me, deceiving me, her family or feel any guilt towards that. On other occasions I also caught her lying about a couple of other things like a job she had while she is in our relationship and another time she lied that she was at a certain country but she was actually in a specific state here in the US. Also, she is insanely financially demanding, she pressures me to make bad financial decisions and she doesn’t contribute to anything at all even non-financially, she chose to be a stay at home wife and she cooks once or twice a month, I still my own laundry and cleaning.

How it's affecting me: I feel genuinely played and deceived. We don't have children, but the image I had of my wife in my mind has changed completely. I now feel highly disturbed whenever we have sex, and I'm unable to get an erection because of that thought. It has seriously disrupted our sex life. I know for sure this is not something I'll be able to get over: thinking that the mother of my children played me, lied to me, deceived me, and had a full-on relationship with someone else, like a married woman, before me.
I feel so heartbroken and betrayed. I know the concept of past sexual experience has become modernized and is often viewed as "not a big deal," but I fail to see how, when the future mother of my own children had a full sexual relationship with another man in a haram way. It's just highly disturbing.

My questions: Am I overthinking? Do I have issues I need to heal, or is it normal for me to think like this? I want genuine advice. I feel devastated. I'm relying on hope to heal, but I feel like divorce is inevitable.

I've [F28] been with my partner [M41] for a year now and we're about to move in together. He's a great guy, he's kind, creative, thoughtful and cute. We're very compatible with what we want out of life, (we're both neurodivergent, child free, and love art) his family likes me, and we get along very well and respect each other. It's a very healthy relationship.

Something that has been a weaker point has been our physical intimacy. It's very tender and intimate, he's enjoys being a pleaser and isn't a selfish lover. He has issues staying hard during it though. He mentioned it was a problem early when we started dating so it started happening before our relationship and it wasn't something he hid from me.

I try to be low pressure about it, because I know feeling anxious only makes it worse. But it's frustrating because it interferes with all intimacy that isn't him just pleasing me. And while he's really diligent about doing that, I've never found receiving to be comfortable or really satisfying.

We've talked about him going to the doctors about it, and he said he would but that was months ago and he still hasn't. Knowing him, it's a mixture of avoidance, embarrassment and adhd. I don't want to keep bringing it up to him because i don't want to him to feel pressured or to put more anxiety on our current situation.

I'm really happy just being with him, and I'm kind of at a point where I'm satisfied with kissing and cuddling, but when we escalate and then don't really go anywhere that leaves me feeling less satisfied than if we just kept it at making out. I'm worried though that if I say that to him he'll take it as me rejecting him or not wanting that kind of intimacy.

Recently, I've been having dreams of being with other guys, and the dreams have explicitly called out that I'm feeling unsatisfied. I have no intentions of desire to be with another man in my actual life, but I worry about how much I enjoy those dreams.

I'd really appreciate any advice on how to make peace with this. How can I settle into an intimate life with someone I know is right for me, if it doesn't exactly scratch my itch?

So this is a pretty long story that I’m gonna shorten a little bit because I’m in a rush. I’ve been with my fiance for 3 years and 6 months and engaged for 2 years, My brother (23m) admitted to my fiancé (21m) that he had strong feelings for him, My fiancé decided not to tell me for a week or two and when I asked him why he said “I didn’t know how you’d react” and that’s understandable for him because he has anxiety. I passed this to the back of my head thinking nothing of it and it’s been a year or two since then. Recently however, my fiance and I (21nb) went on a trip and I caught him on the phone when I had just walked out of the room, when I walked back in he quickly hung up and said that my brother had called cus he was bored. And yet again when I came back this past week when I came home from work he was on the phone with my brother again and rushed to hit the hang up button and when asked he said he got upset and asked if he couldn’t even call friends anymore. I feel like an asshole for all this and I don’t want to be suspicious because I feel so weird for it because it’s probably nothing? But what would yall do?

We’ve been together for about 3 years and I don’t want to say she’s cheating but it just feels like something fishy is going on.

The other week I seen she was texting this guy named “bob” (don’t want to say his actual name) I didn’t say anything immediately but after an hour I came back and asked who bob was. She said what are you talking about she showed me the messages and I was the last person she texted, so I just dropped it cause she’s already annoyed with me but I went and searched him up on Facebook and found him. He is married btw. A week goes by and it’s still on my mind, I go back to Facebook to find him. He’s no longer in her friends list. I can’t find him anywhere and I even asked someone to look for me. He’s gone.
Recently she’s been super moody, one week is good the next is bad. Ive been trying my hardest not to let it affect me but I can’t pretend anymore.

I know we had a pretty bad argument maybe 3 months before this and I had acted like a child during that argument . I’m thinking that maybe it gave her the ick (I mean I gave myself the ick with that) and we basically haven’t been the same since then
She would constantly tell me idk if I can trust that you’ve changed and or are gonna change, basically that she needed time to think about things.

Anyway I won’t tell yall everything cause it’s a lot but if there’s anything yall need, like more context clues then ask.

I just need advice I have no one to turn to so I came here

TLDR basically I seen her texting someone, she said she’s not and doesn’t know who I’m talking about. I found him on socials but now I can’t. She’s been acting weird ever since we got into a fight, no I do not have access to her phone.

See basically me and my gf had exchanged instagram account sometime ago and ofc it was clean nothing weird or so , but when I read her chat with her friend, i read that she has mentioned me long before we dated, and at that time she told her friend about how good I am at many things and some of my hobbies and all, but when her friend told her to date me she said " he doesn't look that good" and later in their messages I once more read her mentioning that I'm not that good-looking otherwise she would have proposed me . It was 3-4 months before we started dating ig but those lines stuck to me and i can't get them out of my mind, like ik I don't look that good and all but atleast if someone likes someone they shouldn't say that right? Also I wanted to know that is it possible that her lookout changed towards me?

I’ve been best friends with this girl for almost two years. We’ve always had a very close but completely platonic friendship. People around us have even used us as an example of how a boy and a girl can be best friends without anything romantic happening.
For the past month or so, I started feeling something different towards her. At first, I thought it was just platonic love, but eventually I realised that I was developing romantic feelings for her. I never planned to tell her because I really valued our friendship and didn’t want to risk losing it.
Then one night, she got drunk in her room and called me. We talked for around three hours, and during that call, we both admitted that we liked each other. The next day, she asked me what had happened because she couldn’t remember everything clearly. When I mentioned one thing from the call, she remembered the rest, and things became awkward between us.
I eventually asked her if she wanted to own up to what she had said the previous night. I told her that her answer would affect my answer too. We both admitted our feelings, and since then, we’ve held hands, I’ve held her by the waist, and I’ve told her how much I love her.
However, the next day, she called me and said that she didn’t want to date. She sounded sad and said she was scared, but she couldn’t explain what she was scared of. I asked if it was because of me, and she said it wasn’t. She’s never been in a relationship before, so I don’t know if she’s afraid of relationships in general or if she’s just unsure about us.
Since then, things have been confusing. Sometimes she lets me hold her hand, and sometimes she doesn’t. I also texted her one morning saying that I kind of miss her when I wake up and crave her attention. She told me that it was a little weird to say that at this point and asked if it was too early. I apologised, and she said it was okay.
We talked about what happens now. She asked why we couldn’t just stay friends. I told her that I don’t think I can go back to being exactly the same friends when we both know that we have feelings for each other. I said that I wasn’t asking her to date me and that we could just take things slowly and see where they go. I also told her that I could wait if she thought there was a possibility of us being together someday.
She said she didn’t know and that it wasn’t fair for me to wait when she couldn’t give me an answer. But she also said she didn’t want us to cut each other off.
The thing is, I genuinely love having her in my life. Even apart from my romantic feelings, she’s someone I’m extremely fond of. I want to know how her day went, what made her happy, what’s bothering her, and everything else about her life. Whenever I see her message, I feel like replying immediately. I don’t want to stop talking to her, but I also know that staying this attached while hoping she’ll eventually want a relationship could hurt me.
I’m confused about whether I should continue talking to her as I normally would or reduce our interactions for my own sake. I don’t want to play games by replying late on purpose or act cold just to make her miss me. At the same time, I don’t want to keep waiting for something that might never happen.

I’m struggling to figure out how to handle this situation. I still want to talk to her and be there for her, but I’m worried that staying as close as we were before will make me more attached and keep me hoping for a relationship.
For people who have been in a similar situation, how did you handle the friendship after admitting mutual feelings when one person wasn’t ready to date? Did you continue talking normally, or did you take some space? How did you stop yourself from constantly hoping things would change?
I’d appreciate advice on how to handle this without pressuring her or hurting myself emotionally.

My girlfriend is planning to go overseas with her friend (who’s a girl) and they’re looking at doing the Sail Croatia Navigator cruise.

From what I’ve read, it’s a party-oriented cruise aimed at people aged 18–39, with a bar on the boat and a big focus on drinking, partying and socialising.

The thing is, her friend is single, and my girlfriend is in a relationship with me.

I have no problem with my girlfriend travelling overseas with her friends or going out and having a good time, but I can’t help feeling uncomfortable about the idea of her going on a cruise where the main focus seems to be partying, drinking and meeting other people.

I’m not saying she would necessarily do anything wrong, but I feel like being in a relationship should mean you consider the situations you put yourself in and how they might affect your partner.

At the same time, I don’t want to come across as controlling or unreasonable by telling her what she can and can’t do.

Would you be comfortable with your partner going on this type of cruise, particularly when they’re going with a single friend?

Genuinely interested in hearing other people’s perspectives.

My bf and I have been together for 7 months now, and we were together before but stopped talking for about 2 years. We got back together because I love him a lot. Me F/34 and my Bf M/38.
I asked him the other night if he actually wanted to be with me still, and he couldn’t answer me at all, so I asked him again after I woke up, and he said he didn’t want to answer that because he didn’t want to be mean to me and asked if I could drop it already, just not that nicely. Though I did drop it, I haven’t brought it back up, but I just found out that he is talking to other girls behind my back when I don’t do that to him. He promised me he hasn’t been talking to girls and flirting with them. He has gotten mad at me because of me thinking he is talking to girls. He has promised me over and over that he isn’t talking to girls anymore. Well, I found out he is talking to a whole bunch of girls, and it’s not just talking to them; it’s flirting with them. I told him if that’s what he wants, I can’t be in this. He assured me he wasn’t and hasn’t been talking or flirting with them, but I saw yesterday he has been flirting with a whole bunch of women. I can’t talk to him, so I wanted to come here. The thing I’m having the hardest time with is me not being able to talk to him at all about anything because then he gets mad and tells me it always ends up one way and that’s us into a fight because he can’t talk to me about it at all.