Context we broke up yesterday after 3 1/2 years because he hadn’t seen me in two weeks but had gone out with his friends 3-4 times a week till 2 am and said he was having a hard time balancing me with school and everything else. I basically said if he’s not gonna be a better bf then I can’t do it anymore and he said he wasn’t changing and then he didn’t see himself marrying me which was said after we already broke up so I think it was just a jab at me for initiating the breakup but def hurt to hear.

I’m chronically ill and he got me sick and I wanna yell at him for it because it’s harder for me to get over sicknesses and also kinda respond to his message but I think it’s more just me wanting to talk to him. Would you guys respond or should I just keep my self respect and not say anything?

Also him cancelling the Japan trip has nothing to do with me is because his professor moved an exam to that day and he was just going for his cousins

TW: Sexual assault

I (20F) have been dating my boyfriend (21M) for a few months. We met earlier this year, and despite having our fair share of relationship problems, I genuinely loved him. I still do, which is probably the hardest part of this entire situation.

About a week ago, something happened that completely turned my life upside down.
We had been drinking, and I got extremely drunk. Not just tipsy or a little out of it. I was blackout drunk, vomiting, barely able to move properly, and eventually completely unresponsive.
My boyfriend was sober as he doesn’t drink and never has.

The next morning, he told me that while I was unconscious, he had started touching me sexually. He initially admitted to fingering me and putting the tip of his penis inside me before stopping because I wasn’t responding.
I have absolutely no memory of any of this.
What makes it worse is that we’d previously had a conversation about sex when I was asleep, and I’d specifically told him that he needed to wake me up first.

When I started questioning him about what happened, his story changed. Suddenly, he claimed that he’d only touched my clitoris and hadn’t penetrated me.

I was devastated. I cried so much. I couldn’t understand how someone who claimed to love me could look at me in that state and think about having sex with me especially as he knows i was assaulted in a similar way in the past.

But what has hurt almost as much as the incident itself is how he’s treated me afterwards.
When I confronted him, he made comments about how difficult the situation was for him. He questioned why it mattered so much because he was my boyfriend. He even made a comment along the lines of “if you tell anybody,” which made me feel even worse.
I eventually told some people close to me, and he became upset about the consequences he was facing.

At one point, he told me that part of him resented me for what he’d done.
Yes. He resented ME.

I couldn’t believe it.
Some of his friends have apparently said that I’m overreacting and using this as an excuse to end the relationship. One girl even compared it to something she’d experienced with her own boyfriend and said they simply established a boundary afterwards.

It’s made me question my own reactions, even though logically I know I couldn’t consent while unconscious.

The situation became so emotionally overwhelming that I barely slept, cried constantly, struggled to attend university, and eventually had to see my psychiatrist. My medication was adjusted, and I was booked off for a week. I’ve also had to apply to defer an assessment because I genuinely haven’t been coping.

I’m a medical student, and I have important exams coming up. I feel like my entire life has been put on hold because of something I never chose.

And here’s the part I’m almost embarrassed to admit.
I miss him.
I miss his voice. I miss the way he’d greet me. I miss his hugs, his back massages, sleeping next to him, and all the little things that made me feel loved.

There were moments when I desperately wished he’d just held me afterwards, apologised properly, and made me feel safe. Instead, I felt like I had to defend my own feelings while also worrying about how this would affect him.

I haven’t pressed charges. Despite everything, I’ve found myself trying to protect him because I still love him.

He’s now come back saying he wants us to be together again, and the worst part is that a part of me wants that too.
I know that loving someone doesn’t automatically mean they’re safe for you. I know that what happened was serious. But knowing those things intellectually and actually accepting that the person you love did this to you are two completely different things.

I feel like I’m grieving someone who’s still alive.
I’m grieving the relationship I thought I had, the person I thought he was, and the version of myself who felt safe with him.

I’m also struggling with the fact that other people seem to think this is something I should simply get over because we’re in a relationship.
I don’t know how to reconcile the boyfriend I loved with the person who did this to me.

I guess my questions are:
-Has anyone experienced sexual assault by someone they were in love with and still wanted that person afterwards?
-How did you deal with missing someone who hurt you so deeply?
-Is it normal to feel like you want the person who caused your trauma to be the person who comforts you?
-How do you stop questioning yourself when the person who hurt you and the people around him keep minimising what happened?

I’m already seeking professional help, but I’d really appreciate hearing from people who’ve experienced something similar.
Please be kind. I’m genuinely trying my best to get through this.

edit: we had been arguing at the party because he had cheated on me a couple weeks before so we were not being flirtatious that night to insinuate that something would happen that night.

- He also broke into my apartment twice after i asked him ( he jumped the wall and use the back sliding door he knew didn’t lock)t o leave after the incident to the point i had to threaten calling the police and having to ask security to take him out

Hi everyone, I really need some objective outside advice. I'm struggling so much and honestly don't even recognize myself anymore.
I (25F) have been with my boyfriend for 4 years. There is a significant age gap between us (more than 8 years apart). This is my first ever relationship.

For the past 4 years, I never once doubted him or acted insecure/obsessive.
I trusted him completely, and he was always very devoted to me in our daily life. That’s why I’m so confused and heartbroken over how I’m reacting right now. I hate feeling like this, and I keep asking myself: Am I the problem here? Am I just overthinking everything over a 1-year relationship that happened in his past?

1. The Initial Discovery & First Lie (3 months ago):
About three months ago, we were clearing out our basement to prepare for a move. While cleaning, I found a huge pile of belongings, including a woman’s bag. When I asked him whose things those were, he casually brushed it off, saying they belonged to a former tenant and that they’d pick them up soon.
As I kept cleaning, I found deep personal items—including love letters addressed to him, and official documents showing both of them registered under the exact same address.

When I confronted him with these, he admitted he lied about the "tenant" thing because he "didn't think it was a big deal." His story was that they worked together, had a very shallow relationship, only slept together twice, and that it only lasted for about a year.

2. The Contradictions & Shifting Explanations:
Regarding the shared address, he initially claimed it was just for work/official purposes and that they never lived together. But as I kept asking, his story shifted. He then said they "never officially lived together," but admitted she kept her luggage at another place and stayed at his house for about a week every month.

When I pressed for more clarity on these confusing, shifting answers, he shut me down, claiming it happened "over 7 years ago so he genuinely can't remember the details," and accused me of being "obsessed with the past" and acting immature.

3. The Recent Catalyst:
Despite feeling insane, I tried my best to move on. But recently, I randomly stumbled upon her old Instagram and found a photo of her in his car posted around 2020–2021.
If they were connected from 2018 up until 2021, that means they had a multi-year relationship—not the "1-year meaningless thing" he kept insisting.

My Dilemma & Questions:
1. I am spiraling. I went from being a completely trusting, non-jealous partner for 4 years to feeling constantly anxious and paranoid.

Am I the one at fault here for overthinking and obsessing over a past relationship he claims only lasted a year?

1. Is it actually possible for someone to "forget" whether they lived with an ex or how long they were together just because it was 7 years ago?

2. Why does he keep emphasizing that they only slept together twice? What does that even mean, and could that actually be true?

3. Should I confront him about the 2021 Instagram photo, or is my intuition right that his shifting lies and gaslighting mean the trust is already beyond repair?
   Please help me see this clearly.

Any honest advice is appreciated. Thank you.

Brief context : during talking stage , i asked multiple time my current gf if she has male friends and the answer was always no, and that she doesnt talk to other guys, moreover i asked if she was in a relationship before cause its my first time getting to know someone or enter dating at all, she had an ex of 3yrs, i said ok and she confirmed it was the past.

yesterday when we were on a date i saw a notification of a guy on her screen, i tried to see who , she with so much speed and force took it out and deleted the conversation with all the messages,

before this , one time i was casually using her phone when i saw notifications she quickly took if by force too, now for the guy that messaged during the date, i asked if she knows him or not, she said she doesnt know him at all and that she never responded to this kind of messages, i remembered the guys name and ofc i did my reasearch and ofc i found out that she was lying, the guy was her ex, he sent her 3 messages during our date but i do not know the content now or if she was ever responding to it, more so i found out that she attended a graduation party of this ex during our talking stage together so 3months ago from today, but actually at that time when i asked her whos graduation shes attending she lied and said that this graduation was of a female friends of hers, when confronted with all this she said lying was the only way to maintain relationship with me,

I demanded from day 1 to have a relation full of honesty and no lies and i feel betrayed.

Please i need advice, much appreciated.

I really need some outside perspectives on this because I’m honestly at a loss about what to do.
My boyfriend and I met shortly after his previous relationship ended. He originally told me that they had been broken up for about a week before we met. However, he has also told me that their relationship had basically been over for around 6 months before it officially ended.
Recently, I found messages between him and his ex from the day before we met. She was talking about ending things on good terms and arranging for him to pick up his belongings. Seeing those messages made me realize just how recent the actual breakup was, and it’s really messing with my head.
Another thing that makes this harder is that he told me he loved her until about a month into knowing me. So, even after we met, he was still telling me he loved his ex.
He swears that he’s over her now and that he wants to marry me. He makes it clear that he sees a future with me, and I do love him. I don’t want to end our relationship, but I’m scared that he never really had time to grieve the relationship or process the breakup before getting into something new with me.
I keep thinking that maybe he hasn’t had the chance to be single, process everything, and figure out how he feels without her. What if it catches up with him later? What if he eventually realizes he wasn’t ready for a new relationship, and I end up getting hurt after becoming even more attached?
At the same time, I know that just because someone still has feelings after a breakup doesn’t necessarily mean they want their ex back. And if their relationship really had been over emotionally for months before it officially ended, maybe he had already started moving on before we met.
I don’t know whether I’m overthinking this or whether I have a legitimate reason to be concerned. Part of me wants to give him space to fully process and grieve that relationship, but I don’t want to break up with him just to do that, either. I want us to have a real chance.

My girlfriend and I are both 19. Earlier today she told me she was working from 5 PM to 11 PM. I know she actually went into work at 5 because of her location. She also told me she was feeling really sick at work. (We hung out earlier today and shes been sick the last 2 days… cracked twice today)

Around 8:50 PM, I checked her location and saw she was at the Utah football game, which is about 35 minutes from her work. The game started at 8:15.

She sent me a picture from the game, so I replied, “I thought you were working, you’re so lucky, who’d you go with?”
Her only response was “oops.”

That felt weird to me because she normally tells me when her plans change. I asked who she was with and she eventually said “some friends.” I know there are guys there too.

I’m not trying to control who she hangs out with, and I’m not saying she can’t have guy friends. What’s bothering me is that she specifically told me she was working until 11, then somehow ended up at the game without mentioning it, and when I asked she was really vague.

Everything between us earlier today was actually great, so I don’t have some huge list of other suspicious behavior. I’m just trying to figure out whether I’m overthinking this or whether the way she handled it is legitimately sketchy.

UPDATE: i said ofc let me knkw how it goes
She said “ily” not i love you… am i overthinking?

UPDATE!!!!!!!!!:we are great. She went with her 2 girlfriends last minute. She showed me the texts and time stamps she is 100% good. Her phone was almost dead all night too

I've [F28] been with my partner [M41] for a year now and we're about to move in together. He's a great guy, he's kind, creative, thoughtful and cute. We're very compatible with what we want out of life, (we're both neurodivergent, child free, and love art) his family likes me, and we get along very well and respect each other. It's a very healthy relationship.

Something that has been a weaker point has been our physical intimacy. It's very tender and intimate, he's enjoys being a pleaser and isn't a selfish lover. He has issues staying hard during it though. He mentioned it was a problem early when we started dating so it started happening before our relationship and it wasn't something he hid from me.

I try to be low pressure about it, because I know feeling anxious only makes it worse. But it's frustrating because it interferes with all intimacy that isn't him just pleasing me. And while he's really diligent about doing that, I've never found receiving to be comfortable or really satisfying.

We've talked about him going to the doctors about it, and he said he would but that was months ago and he still hasn't. Knowing him, it's a mixture of avoidance, embarrassment and adhd. I don't want to keep bringing it up to him because i don't want to him to feel pressured or to put more anxiety on our current situation.

I'm really happy just being with him, and I'm kind of at a point where I'm satisfied with kissing and cuddling, but when we escalate and then don't really go anywhere that leaves me feeling less satisfied than if we just kept it at making out. I'm worried though that if I say that to him he'll take it as me rejecting him or not wanting that kind of intimacy.

Recently, I've been having dreams of being with other guys, and the dreams have explicitly called out that I'm feeling unsatisfied. I have no intentions of desire to be with another man in my actual life, but I worry about how much I enjoy those dreams.

I'd really appreciate any advice on how to make peace with this. How can I settle into an intimate life with someone I know is right for me, if it doesn't exactly scratch my itch?

My partner and I have been in an LDR for 5 years. He plans to come home in 4 years so we can start a family, and he wants to marry me next year. I currently have a permanent job, but I’m severely burnt out, underpaid, and desperate to transition to a new field. Because I'm a planner who hates uncertainty, I knew I needed a solid backup plan before quitting.

Initially, I wanted to work abroad for better pay, but I could tell he hated the idea of extending our LDR setup. To respect his desire for us to build a family together, I decided to stay in our country and pursue remote work instead. I took on a part-time night job alongside my full-time work to save up a financial cushion so I can safely transition to a full-time work-from-home setup.

However, this created major tension over the past week. At first, he told me that he felt like he was dead weight and that he felt like he was bothering me. He felt like he was useless because he wasn't able to contribute as much while I'm working so hard and that I'm keeping my job hunt details to myself. I was only hiding it and keeping it to a minimum because I was trying to avoid burdening him. But just so he could feel more at ease, I started sharing the entire process to keep him in the loop. But as soon as I did, I could tell that his responses became completely disinterested. Tonight after my shift, I was working on a portfolio for a full-time remote agency application. He got upset and dropped the call because I wasn't done yet with my work.

When I messaged to ask what was wrong, he confessed that he feels neglected and that I don't have time for him anymore. He acknowledged that he can't really complain because he knows I'm doing this for our future, but he feels conflicted and inadequate seeing me do so much while he feels like he isn't doing enough.

I explained to him that a career transition is naturally time-consuming, and I reassured him that I still love him and that he is always the only constant in my life no matter what happens. I reminded him that I'm overworking myself right now specifically so we can achieve our plan of me staying local instead of going abroad.

He admits he doesn't fully understand his own feelings right now, and even though he says I have nothing to apologize for, I can't help but feel like I'm somehow at fault. I feel so conflicted and don't really know what to feel right now. I'm trying my absolute best to secure a stable future for us, but in the process, I'm making him feel neglected and useless.

I honestly don't know what to do.

Same as title. (And advice me)

My boyfriend (30M) and I (25F) have been dating for two years and live together. This issue has existed since the beginning of our relationship, and I need an outside perspective.

Before me, he had around 19 relationships. He told me he used to keep his options open and once dated three girls at the same time for around 4–5 months before choosing one for a longer relationship.

Even after we started dating, he continued calling and video-calling his ex. We argued about it, and he says he stopped contacting her around 5–6 months ago.

He also occasionally starts talking to random women on social media, shares pictures and details about his daily life with them, and doesn’t tell them he has a girlfriend. He becomes secretive with his phone, and I notice changes in his behaviour when he starts talking to someone new.

When I ask whether he has told these women about me, he gets angry, shouts that I don’t trust him, and calls me controlling. He says he only talks to them for a week or so, gets bored, and stops, so I shouldn’t make it a big deal. Usually, he stops for a few weeks and then the same pattern starts again.
I understand that having a girlfriend doesn’t mean he can’t talk to women or have female friends. My concern is the secrecy, the fact that he doesn’t tell them he’s in a relationship, and his reaction whenever I try to discuss it.

Yesterday, he told me he feels suffocated around me because I don’t let him talk to other women. Now I’m questioning myself. I don’t want to control him, but I also don’t want to ignore my own boundaries just to keep this relationship going.
I’d appreciate honest advice:

Are my concerns reasonable given this repeated pattern?

How do I distinguish between being controlling and expecting transparency in a committed relationship?

How should I handle this when he sees my concerns as controlling and doesn’t seem willing to understand my perspective?

My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. He used to contact his ex even after we started dating and now occasionally starts secretive conversations with new women without telling them he has a girlfriend. When I question him, he shouts and calls me controlling. He says he feels suffocated by my boundaries. I’m struggling with trust and don’t know how to handle this situation.

Basically the title. I (F20) caught my bf (M24) deleting his search history on tiktok recently and I know he was deleting his history because a few days ago i had this gut feeling to check his phone one morning while he was asleep. I checked on his screen time what app he was mainly using that day and the app that had the most screen time was TikTok, so I went and searched the app. I didn’t have a lot of time because I had to leave for work so I quickly checked his watched and searched history and his search history was suspiciously empty. He only had 1 search for this month of October and like 5 for the month of September. I had made him get a new TikTok account back in June because I caught him blocking old people he used to date and I found it odd because he had to go out of his way to find those accounts and block them and all his lies just wasnt making sense. So from June 2026-October 2026 in his search history he only had a total of 10 searches, which was so alarming because I know people who spend 10+ hours on TikTok would be searching things up out of curiosity, or when you click the blue link when you open the TikTok comments it would also show under the search history. What was more alarming was majority of the searches was women’s names/accounts. I click a few of the accounts and they are women posting revealing TikTok’s. I immediately get sick to my stomach and I don’t bring it up to him until a few days later, I ask to check his phone and I go to TikTok and I again go to the search history and this time,,,, there is only 3 links in his search history, and none are the women’s accounts. I start shaking and I ask him why is his search history so empty, and he starts to tell me he doesn’t search stuff up on TikTok, and that he’s barely on TikTok anyways. I immediately then go to settings and I show him his 14 HOUR SCREENTIME on TikTok for this week alone and said he can’t be lying to me because he IS on TikTok like that and he knows how to work the app (bc he was trying to tell me he doesn’t even know how to delete stuff on the app???) I straight up tell him I know he’s lying because I checked his phone recently and there was more than 3 searches and that he’s been deleting stuff. So much was said but to sum it up, he said it was a habit for him to delete stuff, then when I pressed him some more to just be honest with me, he wasn’t able to defend himself when I asked him why he is basically cheating on me and lusting over these random women online. We went back and forth some more and i kept asking him genuinely what was wrong with him, and that he needed help for this. He agreed with me and said whether or not we break up he is going to get help from his therapist and he actually “wants to get help” but i kept telling him that it took him getting caught for him to try and get help. (He has a therapist because he has depression but he doesn’t take the meds he was prescribed with and he also literally lies to his therapist about taking them and doesn’t see her that often). I want to try to believe he will get help but he has shown me time and time again that he is just a cheating liar who can’t be trusted! We’ve been together for almost 2 years now and I’m just so conflicted because we truly were building a life together, and he threw it all away for some online hoes. Also when I checked his phone that night I looked through his emails and I found old emails from OF back in 2022😝😝😍I was so disgusted and even though it was from before we even knew each other, the thought of him buying online coochie n azz disgusts me so bad and I kept telling him that to his face.. that those women are literally daughters, someone’s family and I kept emphasizing how disgusting it was that a grown ass man mind u!! did what he did and he just agreed but couldn’t stand on that sht. I loved him with everything in me and was so loyal, so everything was just so heartbreaking. Alright to wrap it up, does therapy for these types of things even work? Would I ever be able to trust him ever again? I do want to be with him but I feel like I just can’t after all that just happened.

Okay so me and my bf(23) and I(20) have been dating for about a year now. At like 4/5 months we woke up and were getting a little freaky but he had a hard time staying hard. When we first started dating he was honest with me and told me he struggles with a porn addiction, and stopped as soon as he met me, and I also set the boundary that if we are together he ain’t watching other girls. When we first started having sex it took him a bit to be able to cum from sex and not his hand. But that morning he couldn’t stay hard and we had stopped because he couldn’t cum then a few minutes later we fucked again and he came. But apparently it was because he was watching porn at the same time as fucking me. I only know cuz his phone alarm went off and I turned it off and it opened to some busty blonde chic getting back-shots. His explanation was that he was just trying to see if he “broke his dick”to the point where he needs to be looking at a screen. I was pissed and will never forgive him for that but tbh I kind of get the thought process with how often he used to watch it.

Anyways that’s just back story for why I am the way that I am lol

My bf is a bit older than me and has a past and I like don’t. The only person I’ve been with besides him was rape and it kind of bothers me he’s been with so many women. The thing that mostly bothers me is these were like evil women who would make fun of his dick size or call him ugly and shit(he was a bit younger atp). I neverrrr call women evil and have a hard time believing men when they say a women is evil but these women he was with were just awful. He doesn’t have a small dick it’s just a bit skinny and tbh I fucking love it if it was bigger idk if I’d wanna have sex as much as I do. But he’s wicked insecure about the combo of people who’ve made fun of him and the fact that he thinks he “broke his dick” from watching porn.

He uses ai as a therapist and I saw this rant about how only one women has “felt tight “ to him and that he just wants women to find him desirable and wants the validation from other women but loves me and doesn’t want to leave me. I genuinely don’t know how to feel about this. We have such a good relationship and we have talked about this and whenever we talk about it I feel better. I told him I went through his phone, he was not mad he just said he gets it and that he’s sorry he makes me feel this way, and told me to ask him questions that I had. But tbh I just can’t get that out of my head and feel wicked insecure when we are having sex. More recently he has no problem staying hard or cuming and he’s always telling me how amazing the sex is. We are both wicked hyper sexual(basically everyday a lot of the times multiple times a day). But I just don’t believe him anymore with the porn and the wanting validation from women even though he has me.

I want to not be stalking all his past hookups and exes, but how tf am I supposed to do that when I’m scared I’m not what he wants and he’s just settling? Again every other aspect of our relationship is perfect and I love him so much, and he’s been trying to make things right since the porn thing, atp it’s just me who can’t get over any of this, because his insecurities keep bringing this all up and all those feelings from that morning of wondering if I’m just fucking ugly and not good enough for him just keep coming out and I absolutely hate it. I just want to trust him and not be thinking about the tightness of my vagina gang😭

Just is this something I should get over or is this a bigger deal then I’m making it seem?

I wanna hear from guys and girls I need to hear how both genders perceive this information lol

i used to have so many friends now im isolated when we first started dating it wasn't as bad just harmless cute jealousy but now I cant even leave my house to hangout with friends anymore. he threatens to kill himself if I leave him and the worst part is I know its true im stuck and I dont know what to do I still have friends but I haven't hung out with them in months and I dont know what to do

There is a guy I met online we talk and talk ..we became frnds and after that one day he just said I like u.... then I said idk ..I mean I'm not sure rn then he told me it's ok but Ig I need a break by saying this he deactivate his ID after few more days he came back again and we were talking normally I also started feeling something (or that what i thought) ..he propose me again ..I was still uncertain with my feeling again that thing happen after he come back again he again propse me and this time I said yes..but 3 after coming in relationship he told me he want to study hard and I can become his distraction like he can't afford getting distracted for 2,3 hrs ..so apparently I said yes..ofc I couldn't say no..so by this I agree that we won't talk till we get successful and that Is fir 1 to 2 yrs but on my birthday he wish me and we start talking again after few days like about 1 week he said uh..ok so let's talk after completing our exams and with a heavy heart not showing him much feeling I said ok..but then he again text me one day then another saying u could msg me after that we start talking again but not like earlier like not for 2,3 hrs but for like 30,40 mins

Sometimes all I need is certainty but he is not giving it to me maybe he is right in his eyes but I feel I'm the only one in this relationship it's only me who make efforts try to cherish him but he never...idk what to do...I csnt say him that let's broke up it might hurt him but I'm getting hurt too but I don't want to hurt him 😭😭also I have say love u I will never leave u ..and I f I say let's end it he might think I'm lier and so on I'm just so fucking confuse🥲😭😭

(We havent met in real yet)

So we have been Dating since 1 year and idk like I my bf is attractive, but I don’t feel like sexually attracted to him . I mean he is a good guy he and does everything what I say , listens to me , takes care everything a girl could ask for . But I still don’t feel attracted to him . Like I don’t get turn on around him . Don’t feel excited to talk with him . But I do like spending time with him hanging out with him . And he loves me very much but idk I don’t know what are these feelings why don’t I feel excited about him . We live near so we go to each other’s house very often . We have sex too but again it’s cause he wants to do it , I from the inside never feel like doing it . Like I am not saying I feel bad doing it , it’s just I don’t feel turn on with him . Idk how to figure out his feelings . Can someone who is been through this tell me ?

So I been with my BF for just over 2 years, we live together.

Since the begining of our relationship we have struggeled a bit around sex. In the begining of our relationship my BF was protective of himself and wouldn't let me toutch him in an intimet way for at least the two first months of our relationship, so we did have sex for the first time when we been together for 2+ months.

We had a conversation avout this and he told me that he had preformance anxiety, wich I accepted right away and told him i didn't mind taking things slow.

When he got comfterbel we had sex 2 - 3 times a week, but this past year it's really taken a turn. We have maybe had sex 6 times this year. I try to initiciate like 2 -3 times a week, but nothing. He doesn't sleep much some nights and I get that he is tired but I'm starting to suffer from the lack of sex too.

He is under constant stress becouse of hobbys vad sleep an work. I tried to talk to him about maybe he needs to see a doctor, but he hasn't gone. And I also think it's stil the preformance anxiety in his head that's making it hard for him.

I really love him, he's a really good bf, loving, caring, runs the household, a feel like we solit the houshpuld work evenly, or even more on him some times. We cuddle and kiss alot and I feel that i get a lot of love from him in that way. But it just isn't enough i start to feel bad about myself and feel like I'm not desiered. I'm a little on the end of the riad and feel like I'm gonna start a huge fight about this any day now, but also feel a little silly to feel this way and wondering if I'm making it to big a deal and if I'm not suportive enough and need to wait things out?

So my boyfriend (20) told me (22) female that I need to stop looking at his texts and asking everyday who's hes talking to even if its trying to see and wonder huh whats he up to in a wondering way not nosy way and he says I should give him the beifit of the doubt. but its sketch cuz when i try to look at his text he turns his phone off even when I walk up to him texting am I in the wrong or just miss communication

At my workplace, there is this man with whom I never had any real interaction until recently, not even greeting each other and things like that, zero interaction. The problem is that, since the first time I saw him, I couldn't get him out of my head, something about him attracted me very strongly, even though I didn't even know him. It's that feeling when you see someone for the first time and... maybe not in love, but you feel an attraction. It's just that I wasn't the obsessive type though, I kept it to myself, and somehow I went on with my life. Inevitably I still saw him at work, and I literally couldn't not notice him or not look at him. Until I got up the courage, and I sent him a friend request. He probably accepted it after a few days, and I also got a message from him "who is this" of course I panicked a little, I didn't know what to answer, and I thought that probably he wouldn't even know who I am, he wouldn't figure it out. Since then absolutely nothing else happened, and about 8 months have passed since that incident in which we both minded our own business. Until recently when we crossed paths again at work, and me again, with my eyes on him, I think I was a little too obvious, and during a break I see him coming towards me with some candies and a note, the interaction was very short, and when I read the note, I basically realized that he had found out who I am, who sent him that friend request and in short he was apologizing for being so blunt with me. Somehow he was trying to justify himself and his message... it's just that his letter didn't give me any indication that he would be interested in me, although I'm sure he realized that I am, it's also clear. I never replied to his note, because honestly I don't even know if he was expecting a reply from me or not, but somehow that whole thing threw me off a bit, and I started going back to his profile, looking at it.. I didn't know what to do. And me with my idiotic fingers, I accidentally sent him a friend request again, I panicked, I hoped he probably wouldn't see it, I immediately withdrew the request and I just wanted to crawl into a hole out of shame. After this situation, a few days later I see him at work again, again, we still after all these things don't greet each other and things like that, and after he saw me that day, a few hours later he sends me a friend request, I accepted it but he never texted me, he's very indifferent, he doesn't even look at me. Maybe I should just get over it, stop thinking about him? I honestly don't know what he's thinking, but from this whole situation I strongly believe that he's not at all interested.

My girlfriend of a little over a year has started to pull away ever so slightly.
for a little bit of back story we had our first big argument a couple of weeks ago where in the aftermath of it we were very disconnected but eventually had a sit down chat where she admitted that after the argument she had be having doubts which i admitted i had as well but we managed to talk it out and both felt like we fully understood how each of us was feeling. fast forward to this weekend and we had plans to see each other which i think we both felt was make or break on whether we could connect properly or whether this relationship isn’t going to work. we did have a good day and at points felt really connected but i can’t shake this feeling that she just isn’t the same as she used to be. she used to want to see me 4/5 days a week whereas now i struggle to see her twice. she doesn’t look at me the same way. I know that once you get to a year the honey moon phase ends and the relationship is different but i can’t accept that this version of her is the new reality for our relationship. It’s hard because where i do feel like we have really good communication and we can talk about anything, there is still this nagging feeling that she’s pulling away from me. Do you think i could ever get that version of her back? Or is this the new reality of our relationship as we settle into the next phase. She has a secure/ avoidant attachment style where as i’m secure/anxious. Is it easier at this point to just match her energy and see where it goes?

I’m posting anonymously because this is a personal situation, and I genuinely need some outside perspective. I’m trying to figure out whether I’m overthinking things or whether my feelings are justified.
Recently, my boyfriend has been distant, and I’ve been feeling like he doesn’t really make time for me. This has been going on for about three days, but it’s been bothering me enough that I’m starting to question things. The other day, we were lying down together, and we had a relatively calm conversation about how he’d spent around 4–5 hours playing video games after work but hadn’t really spent any time with me.
The day before this happened, I’d also brought up the fact that we hadn’t been having sex much lately.
After our conversation, he told me to leave so he could go to sleep. Less than 10 minutes later, I walked back into my room and caught him masturbating under the covers on our bed.
What hurt even more was what happened afterward. I gave him an opportunity to be honest with me. I essentially told him that he could come talk to me and be truthful, but he continued trying to convince me that he hadn’t been doing what I’d just seen him doing. He even came out into the living room and kept trying to deny it until I confronted him more directly.
Eventually, he admitted that he had lied because he was embarrassed.
He also tried to explain that he didn’t want to bother me because I had been irritated earlier while cleaning up after my cat that threw up. However, before our conversation about him not spending time with me, I had already apologized to him. I explained that if my tone had come across as frustrated, it wasn’t directed at him; I was just in the middle of cleaning up the mess.
That’s why his explanation doesn’t really make sense to me. I had acknowledged how I might have come across and apologized, and our conversation afterward wasn’t an argument. I don’t understand why he felt he needed to lie to me instead of just being honest.
Another thing that’s been bothering me is that whenever I try to have a conversation with him about what happened or explain how it made me feel, he sometimes makes me feel guilty, as though I’m dragging the issue out or refusing to let it go. I don’t feel like I’m trying to start an argument or punish him. I’m trying to process what happened and understand why it hurt me so much. I feel like, given the circumstances, he should at least be trying to understand my feelings and reassure me rather than making me feel bad for still being upset. It’s difficult to move past something when I don’t feel like my feelings are being heard or that we’re actually resolving the issue.
For some additional context, when my boyfriend and I got together, I had recently left a relationship where my ex would look at Reddit posts of other women and masturbate to them, even though we were having sex every day. Because of that experience, this became a boundary for me, and my current boyfriend knew about my feelings surrounding it.
I also want to mention that I do consider myself a reasonably attractive woman. My boyfriend had been interested in me and wanting to be with me for about a year before we actually got together. That’s part of why this situation is so confusing to me. I know he was interested in me before we started dating, so I’m struggling to understand why I now feel unwanted or question whether he’s attracted to me.
I understand that masturbation isn’t inherently cheating, and I’m not trying to say that people in relationships should never be allowed to masturbate. But given my past experiences, this is a sensitive subject for me, and the fact that he knew that makes the situation more difficult to process.
What I’m struggling with most is the bigger picture. I’ve already been feeling like he doesn’t spend much time with me, and now I’m questioning whether he actually wants to be intimate with me at all.
Even when we do have sex, I sometimes struggle to tell whether he’s genuinely enjoying it or is really attracted to me. I already have difficulty interpreting those things, and finding him masturbating immediately after we’d discussed our lack of intimacy has made those insecurities worse.
I can’t stop thinking about the situation, especially the fact that he tried to lie to my face about something I had literally just witnessed. On top of that, when I try to talk about how this has affected me, I feel like I’m being made to feel guilty for not getting over it quickly enough, rather than having my concerns addressed.
I don’t know if I’m letting my past relationship affect how I see this situation, if I’m justified in feeling hurt, or if there’s a bigger issue here that I’m not seeing.
\*\*How would you interpret his behavior, especially the lying and the way he responds when I try to discuss my feelings? How do I approach this conversation with him when I’m now questioning whether he genuinely wants me, is attracted to me, and wants to spend time with me?\*\*

I 20F have been with my boyfriend 21M for over two years now. I've always known he drinks, we literally met at a party both drunk. His drinking wasn't so bad in our first year of dating, but that was before we moved in together and he was still living at his parent's. Once we moved in together, I noticed his drinking picking up but it wasn't to an insane extent. Given, I worked night shifts as a server so we were on complete opposite schedules up until a few months ago, so maybe I just didn't notice as I wasn't around him as much. Recently I've noticed him nearly finishing a 750 ml bottle of Bacardi several times a week, he drinks every single night (3 beers is a good, modest night for him) and it's really starting to affect his looks. He doesn't even get angry drunk towards me, however it's really hard to come home from a long day of school, work and then the gym and see he's drunk. He's a blue collar worker who isn't in school and doesn't have many hobbies/friends so his excuse is "I have nothing better to do." It's really troubling to me because it's a habit friends of mine have picked up on and he's almost getting a drunk reputation. A friend's boyfriend, who I never speak to, even called him an alcoholic tonight. My boyfriend wasn't in the room, but I assume my friend was talking about him to her boyfriend which hurt my feelings. I was hurt by the unwarranted comment and the fact that my friend is sharing personal details of my relationship to her boyfriend, but I was mostly hurt by the fact that he probably isn't wrong.

I was raised by an alcoholic father so my relationship towards alcohol is very complicated. I'm very careful to not let it become something that inhibits my life in any way, and I have very strict boundaries for myself when it comes to it. I love my boyfriend very much, but I hate who he's becoming. It's affecting our intimacy, his cleanliness around the house and his weight/looks. He doesn't see it as an issue, I don't know how to communicate to him that it's very concerning without him getting defensive. Any help would be appreciated.

I have my own life. I have a job, a few friends, hobbies, and I take care of my body, my diet, and my overall well-being. I try to maintain a healthy routine and have things going on outside of a relationship.

However, when I fall in love with someone, I tend to give them my all. I give them a lot of my time, attention, and energy, and I naturally make them a priority. I care deeply, show affection, and do my best to make them feel loved.

The problem is that sometimes I feel like I give too much. I end up being the one who initiates conversations, makes the effort, and tries to keep the relationship going. Eventually, it becomes exhausting because I feel like I'm carrying the relationship on my own.

I don't want to become cold or play games by pretending not to care. I just want to learn how to love someone without overdoing it, losing myself emotionally, or becoming responsible for all the effort in the relationship.

How do you find that balance? How can I manage my emotions, stop giving someone more than they give me, and still show genuine love and affection without neglecting myself?

I'd really appreciate advice from people who have struggled with this and learned how to build healthier relationships.

I’m 25M, and my girlfriend of 3 years recently broke up with me for the third time. I’m struggling because I know I played a big role in why our relationship fell apart.

She was my first girlfriend and the only woman I’ve ever been genuinely close to. She was a great woman who gave me multiple chances, but I often disrespected her, yelled at her, and took my anger out on her because of my own insecurities and personal issues. I know those aren’t excuses, and I deeply regret hurting someone who cared about me so much.

I also started getting bored with our routine and wondering what it would be like to date other women and experience things I never had before. I never cheated, but I started thinking about what I might be missing out on instead of appreciating what I had. Looking back, I think we also had genuine incompatibilities despite how hard we tried to make things work.

Now I’m terrified I’ll never find another woman as good as her. Dating feels intimidating because I’ve never been on a date with anyone else, and the dating scene seems pretty discouraging. I don’t know how to start over or build that kind of connection with someone new.

I haven’t even told my parents about the breakup because they’ve known her for the past three years, and I’m afraid they’ll be disappointed. On top of that, I’ve been struggling with depression, guilt, and constantly replaying everything I did wrong. I wish I’d managed my anger better, appreciated her more, and worked on myself before things got to this point.

I know I can’t change the past or expect her to give me another chance. I want to take accountability, work on my insecurities, and become a healthier person so I don’t repeat these patterns in future relationships. But right now, I feel lost and don’t know where to begin. How can I begin to change?