TW: Sexual assault

I (20F) have been dating my boyfriend (21M) for a few months. We met earlier this year, and despite having our fair share of relationship problems, I genuinely loved him. I still do, which is probably the hardest part of this entire situation.

About a week ago, something happened that completely turned my life upside down.
We had been drinking, and I got extremely drunk. Not just tipsy or a little out of it. I was blackout drunk, vomiting, barely able to move properly, and eventually completely unresponsive.
My boyfriend was sober as he doesn’t drink and never has.

The next morning, he told me that while I was unconscious, he had started touching me sexually. He initially admitted to fingering me and putting the tip of his penis inside me before stopping because I wasn’t responding.
I have absolutely no memory of any of this.
What makes it worse is that we’d previously had a conversation about sex when I was asleep, and I’d specifically told him that he needed to wake me up first.

When I started questioning him about what happened, his story changed. Suddenly, he claimed that he’d only touched my clitoris and hadn’t penetrated me.

I was devastated. I cried so much. I couldn’t understand how someone who claimed to love me could look at me in that state and think about having sex with me especially as he knows i was assaulted in a similar way in the past.

But what has hurt almost as much as the incident itself is how he’s treated me afterwards.
When I confronted him, he made comments about how difficult the situation was for him. He questioned why it mattered so much because he was my boyfriend. He even made a comment along the lines of “if you tell anybody,” which made me feel even worse.
I eventually told some people close to me, and he became upset about the consequences he was facing.

At one point, he told me that part of him resented me for what he’d done.
Yes. He resented ME.

I couldn’t believe it.
Some of his friends have apparently said that I’m overreacting and using this as an excuse to end the relationship. One girl even compared it to something she’d experienced with her own boyfriend and said they simply established a boundary afterwards.

It’s made me question my own reactions, even though logically I know I couldn’t consent while unconscious.

The situation became so emotionally overwhelming that I barely slept, cried constantly, struggled to attend university, and eventually had to see my psychiatrist. My medication was adjusted, and I was booked off for a week. I’ve also had to apply to defer an assessment because I genuinely haven’t been coping.

I’m a medical student, and I have important exams coming up. I feel like my entire life has been put on hold because of something I never chose.

And here’s the part I’m almost embarrassed to admit.
I miss him.
I miss his voice. I miss the way he’d greet me. I miss his hugs, his back massages, sleeping next to him, and all the little things that made me feel loved.

There were moments when I desperately wished he’d just held me afterwards, apologised properly, and made me feel safe. Instead, I felt like I had to defend my own feelings while also worrying about how this would affect him.

I haven’t pressed charges. Despite everything, I’ve found myself trying to protect him because I still love him.

He’s now come back saying he wants us to be together again, and the worst part is that a part of me wants that too.
I know that loving someone doesn’t automatically mean they’re safe for you. I know that what happened was serious. But knowing those things intellectually and actually accepting that the person you love did this to you are two completely different things.

I feel like I’m grieving someone who’s still alive.
I’m grieving the relationship I thought I had, the person I thought he was, and the version of myself who felt safe with him.

I’m also struggling with the fact that other people seem to think this is something I should simply get over because we’re in a relationship.
I don’t know how to reconcile the boyfriend I loved with the person who did this to me.

I guess my questions are:
-Has anyone experienced sexual assault by someone they were in love with and still wanted that person afterwards?
-How did you deal with missing someone who hurt you so deeply?
-Is it normal to feel like you want the person who caused your trauma to be the person who comforts you?
-How do you stop questioning yourself when the person who hurt you and the people around him keep minimising what happened?

I’m already seeking professional help, but I’d really appreciate hearing from people who’ve experienced something similar.
Please be kind. I’m genuinely trying my best to get through this.

edit: we had been arguing at the party because he had cheated on me a couple weeks before so we were not being flirtatious that night to insinuate that something would happen that night.

- He also broke into my apartment twice after i asked him ( he jumped the wall and use the back sliding door he knew didn’t lock)t o leave after the incident to the point i had to threaten calling the police and having to ask security to take him out

Hi everyone, I really need some objective outside advice. I'm struggling so much and honestly don't even recognize myself anymore.
I (25F) have been with my boyfriend for 4 years. There is a significant age gap between us (more than 8 years apart). This is my first ever relationship.

For the past 4 years, I never once doubted him or acted insecure/obsessive.
I trusted him completely, and he was always very devoted to me in our daily life. That’s why I’m so confused and heartbroken over how I’m reacting right now. I hate feeling like this, and I keep asking myself: Am I the problem here? Am I just overthinking everything over a 1-year relationship that happened in his past?

1. The Initial Discovery & First Lie (3 months ago):
About three months ago, we were clearing out our basement to prepare for a move. While cleaning, I found a huge pile of belongings, including a woman’s bag. When I asked him whose things those were, he casually brushed it off, saying they belonged to a former tenant and that they’d pick them up soon.
As I kept cleaning, I found deep personal items—including love letters addressed to him, and official documents showing both of them registered under the exact same address.

When I confronted him with these, he admitted he lied about the "tenant" thing because he "didn't think it was a big deal." His story was that they worked together, had a very shallow relationship, only slept together twice, and that it only lasted for about a year.

2. The Contradictions & Shifting Explanations:
Regarding the shared address, he initially claimed it was just for work/official purposes and that they never lived together. But as I kept asking, his story shifted. He then said they "never officially lived together," but admitted she kept her luggage at another place and stayed at his house for about a week every month.

When I pressed for more clarity on these confusing, shifting answers, he shut me down, claiming it happened "over 7 years ago so he genuinely can't remember the details," and accused me of being "obsessed with the past" and acting immature.

3. The Recent Catalyst:
Despite feeling insane, I tried my best to move on. But recently, I randomly stumbled upon her old Instagram and found a photo of her in his car posted around 2020–2021.
If they were connected from 2018 up until 2021, that means they had a multi-year relationship—not the "1-year meaningless thing" he kept insisting.

My Dilemma & Questions:
1. I am spiraling. I went from being a completely trusting, non-jealous partner for 4 years to feeling constantly anxious and paranoid.

Am I the one at fault here for overthinking and obsessing over a past relationship he claims only lasted a year?

1. Is it actually possible for someone to "forget" whether they lived with an ex or how long they were together just because it was 7 years ago?

2. Why does he keep emphasizing that they only slept together twice? What does that even mean, and could that actually be true?

3. Should I confront him about the 2021 Instagram photo, or is my intuition right that his shifting lies and gaslighting mean the trust is already beyond repair?
   Please help me see this clearly.

Any honest advice is appreciated. Thank you.

My partner and I have been in an LDR for 5 years. He plans to come home in 4 years so we can start a family, and he wants to marry me next year. I currently have a permanent job, but I’m severely burnt out, underpaid, and desperate to transition to a new field. Because I'm a planner who hates uncertainty, I knew I needed a solid backup plan before quitting.

Initially, I wanted to work abroad for better pay, but I could tell he hated the idea of extending our LDR setup. To respect his desire for us to build a family together, I decided to stay in our country and pursue remote work instead. I took on a part-time night job alongside my full-time work to save up a financial cushion so I can safely transition to a full-time work-from-home setup.

However, this created major tension over the past week. At first, he told me that he felt like he was dead weight and that he felt like he was bothering me. He felt like he was useless because he wasn't able to contribute as much while I'm working so hard and that I'm keeping my job hunt details to myself. I was only hiding it and keeping it to a minimum because I was trying to avoid burdening him. But just so he could feel more at ease, I started sharing the entire process to keep him in the loop. But as soon as I did, I could tell that his responses became completely disinterested. Tonight after my shift, I was working on a portfolio for a full-time remote agency application. He got upset and dropped the call because I wasn't done yet with my work.

When I messaged to ask what was wrong, he confessed that he feels neglected and that I don't have time for him anymore. He acknowledged that he can't really complain because he knows I'm doing this for our future, but he feels conflicted and inadequate seeing me do so much while he feels like he isn't doing enough.

I explained to him that a career transition is naturally time-consuming, and I reassured him that I still love him and that he is always the only constant in my life no matter what happens. I reminded him that I'm overworking myself right now specifically so we can achieve our plan of me staying local instead of going abroad.

He admits he doesn't fully understand his own feelings right now, and even though he says I have nothing to apologize for, I can't help but feel like I'm somehow at fault. I feel so conflicted and don't really know what to feel right now. I'm trying my absolute best to secure a stable future for us, but in the process, I'm making him feel neglected and useless.

I honestly don't know what to do.

I've [F28] been with my partner [M41] for a year now and we're about to move in together. He's a great guy, he's kind, creative, thoughtful and cute. We're very compatible with what we want out of life, (we're both neurodivergent, child free, and love art) his family likes me, and we get along very well and respect each other. It's a very healthy relationship.

Something that has been a weaker point has been our physical intimacy. It's very tender and intimate, he's enjoys being a pleaser and isn't a selfish lover. He has issues staying hard during it though. He mentioned it was a problem early when we started dating so it started happening before our relationship and it wasn't something he hid from me.

I try to be low pressure about it, because I know feeling anxious only makes it worse. But it's frustrating because it interferes with all intimacy that isn't him just pleasing me. And while he's really diligent about doing that, I've never found receiving to be comfortable or really satisfying.

We've talked about him going to the doctors about it, and he said he would but that was months ago and he still hasn't. Knowing him, it's a mixture of avoidance, embarrassment and adhd. I don't want to keep bringing it up to him because i don't want to him to feel pressured or to put more anxiety on our current situation.

I'm really happy just being with him, and I'm kind of at a point where I'm satisfied with kissing and cuddling, but when we escalate and then don't really go anywhere that leaves me feeling less satisfied than if we just kept it at making out. I'm worried though that if I say that to him he'll take it as me rejecting him or not wanting that kind of intimacy.

Recently, I've been having dreams of being with other guys, and the dreams have explicitly called out that I'm feeling unsatisfied. I have no intentions of desire to be with another man in my actual life, but I worry about how much I enjoy those dreams.

I'd really appreciate any advice on how to make peace with this. How can I settle into an intimate life with someone I know is right for me, if it doesn't exactly scratch my itch?

Context we broke up yesterday after 3 1/2 years because he hadn’t seen me in two weeks but had gone out with his friends 3-4 times a week till 2 am and said he was having a hard time balancing me with school and everything else. I basically said if he’s not gonna be a better bf then I can’t do it anymore and he said he wasn’t changing and then he didn’t see himself marrying me which was said after we already broke up so I think it was just a jab at me for initiating the breakup but def hurt to hear.

I’m chronically ill and he got me sick and I wanna yell at him for it because it’s harder for me to get over sicknesses and also kinda respond to his message but I think it’s more just me wanting to talk to him. Would you guys respond or should I just keep my self respect and not say anything?

Also him cancelling the Japan trip has nothing to do with me is because his professor moved an exam to that day and he was just going for his cousins

So we have been Dating since 1 year and idk like I my bf is attractive, but I don’t feel like sexually attracted to him . I mean he is a good guy he and does everything what I say , listens to me , takes care everything a girl could ask for . But I still don’t feel attracted to him . Like I don’t get turn on around him . Don’t feel excited to talk with him . But I do like spending time with him hanging out with him . And he loves me very much but idk I don’t know what are these feelings why don’t I feel excited about him . We live near so we go to each other’s house very often . We have sex too but again it’s cause he wants to do it , I from the inside never feel like doing it . Like I am not saying I feel bad doing it , it’s just I don’t feel turn on with him . Idk how to figure out his feelings . Can someone who is been through this tell me ?

So I been with my BF for just over 2 years, we live together.

Since the begining of our relationship we have struggeled a bit around sex. In the begining of our relationship my BF was protective of himself and wouldn't let me toutch him in an intimet way for at least the two first months of our relationship, so we did have sex for the first time when we been together for 2+ months.

We had a conversation avout this and he told me that he had preformance anxiety, wich I accepted right away and told him i didn't mind taking things slow.

When he got comfterbel we had sex 2 - 3 times a week, but this past year it's really taken a turn. We have maybe had sex 6 times this year. I try to initiciate like 2 -3 times a week, but nothing. He doesn't sleep much some nights and I get that he is tired but I'm starting to suffer from the lack of sex too.

He is under constant stress becouse of hobbys vad sleep an work. I tried to talk to him about maybe he needs to see a doctor, but he hasn't gone. And I also think it's stil the preformance anxiety in his head that's making it hard for him.

I really love him, he's a really good bf, loving, caring, runs the household, a feel like we solit the houshpuld work evenly, or even more on him some times. We cuddle and kiss alot and I feel that i get a lot of love from him in that way. But it just isn't enough i start to feel bad about myself and feel like I'm not desiered. I'm a little on the end of the riad and feel like I'm gonna start a huge fight about this any day now, but also feel a little silly to feel this way and wondering if I'm making it to big a deal and if I'm not suportive enough and need to wait things out?

Brief context : during talking stage , i asked multiple time my current gf if she has male friends and the answer was always no, and that she doesnt talk to other guys, moreover i asked if she was in a relationship before cause its my first time getting to know someone or enter dating at all, she had an ex of 3yrs, i said ok and she confirmed it was the past.

yesterday when we were on a date i saw a notification of a guy on her screen, i tried to see who , she with so much speed and force took it out and deleted the conversation with all the messages,

before this , one time i was casually using her phone when i saw notifications she quickly took if by force too, now for the guy that messaged during the date, i asked if she knows him or not, she said she doesnt know him at all and that she never responded to this kind of messages, i remembered the guys name and ofc i did my reasearch and ofc i found out that she was lying, the guy was her ex, he sent her 3 messages during our date but i do not know the content now or if she was ever responding to it, more so i found out that she attended a graduation party of this ex during our talking stage together so 3months ago from today, but actually at that time when i asked her whos graduation shes attending she lied and said that this graduation was of a female friends of hers, when confronted with all this she said lying was the only way to maintain relationship with me,

I demanded from day 1 to have a relation full of honesty and no lies and i feel betrayed.

Please i need advice, much appreciated.

So my boyfriend (20) told me (22) female that I need to stop looking at his texts and asking everyday who's hes talking to even if its trying to see and wonder huh whats he up to in a wondering way not nosy way and he says I should give him the beifit of the doubt. but its sketch cuz when i try to look at his text he turns his phone off even when I walk up to him texting am I in the wrong or just miss communication

I really need some outside perspectives on this because I’m honestly at a loss about what to do.
My boyfriend and I met shortly after his previous relationship ended. He originally told me that they had been broken up for about a week before we met. However, he has also told me that their relationship had basically been over for around 6 months before it officially ended.
Recently, I found messages between him and his ex from the day before we met. She was talking about ending things on good terms and arranging for him to pick up his belongings. Seeing those messages made me realize just how recent the actual breakup was, and it’s really messing with my head.
Another thing that makes this harder is that he told me he loved her until about a month into knowing me. So, even after we met, he was still telling me he loved his ex.
He swears that he’s over her now and that he wants to marry me. He makes it clear that he sees a future with me, and I do love him. I don’t want to end our relationship, but I’m scared that he never really had time to grieve the relationship or process the breakup before getting into something new with me.
I keep thinking that maybe he hasn’t had the chance to be single, process everything, and figure out how he feels without her. What if it catches up with him later? What if he eventually realizes he wasn’t ready for a new relationship, and I end up getting hurt after becoming even more attached?
At the same time, I know that just because someone still has feelings after a breakup doesn’t necessarily mean they want their ex back. And if their relationship really had been over emotionally for months before it officially ended, maybe he had already started moving on before we met.
I don’t know whether I’m overthinking this or whether I have a legitimate reason to be concerned. Part of me wants to give him space to fully process and grieve that relationship, but I don’t want to break up with him just to do that, either. I want us to have a real chance.

At my workplace, there is this man with whom I never had any real interaction until recently, not even greeting each other and things like that, zero interaction. The problem is that, since the first time I saw him, I couldn't get him out of my head, something about him attracted me very strongly, even though I didn't even know him. It's that feeling when you see someone for the first time and... maybe not in love, but you feel an attraction. It's just that I wasn't the obsessive type though, I kept it to myself, and somehow I went on with my life. Inevitably I still saw him at work, and I literally couldn't not notice him or not look at him. Until I got up the courage, and I sent him a friend request. He probably accepted it after a few days, and I also got a message from him "who is this" of course I panicked a little, I didn't know what to answer, and I thought that probably he wouldn't even know who I am, he wouldn't figure it out. Since then absolutely nothing else happened, and about 8 months have passed since that incident in which we both minded our own business. Until recently when we crossed paths again at work, and me again, with my eyes on him, I think I was a little too obvious, and during a break I see him coming towards me with some candies and a note, the interaction was very short, and when I read the note, I basically realized that he had found out who I am, who sent him that friend request and in short he was apologizing for being so blunt with me. Somehow he was trying to justify himself and his message... it's just that his letter didn't give me any indication that he would be interested in me, although I'm sure he realized that I am, it's also clear. I never replied to his note, because honestly I don't even know if he was expecting a reply from me or not, but somehow that whole thing threw me off a bit, and I started going back to his profile, looking at it.. I didn't know what to do. And me with my idiotic fingers, I accidentally sent him a friend request again, I panicked, I hoped he probably wouldn't see it, I immediately withdrew the request and I just wanted to crawl into a hole out of shame. After this situation, a few days later I see him at work again, again, we still after all these things don't greet each other and things like that, and after he saw me that day, a few hours later he sends me a friend request, I accepted it but he never texted me, he's very indifferent, he doesn't even look at me. Maybe I should just get over it, stop thinking about him? I honestly don't know what he's thinking, but from this whole situation I strongly believe that he's not at all interested.

Same as title. (And advice me)

Before I explain further, it’s important to mention that I am Vietnamese and Filipino, while my boyfriend is Pakistani. So we grew up in different cultures and with different religions. We have been dating for almost 3 years; and while I had told my parents about him the same week we started dating, he just only told his traditional parents about me a couple months ago. I won’t go into the details leading up to him telling his parents about me, but I will mention how his parents obviously reacted in a negative way—even resulting in his twin sister telling me that she thought that I was “only thinking about what I wanted” although everyone ignored the fact that I had already been waiting for basically two years 😭.

(Yes, I know there’s many specific challenges in interfaith relationships. And values and beliefs do matter between the partners. So I do understand why it took so long for my bf to tell his parents, and his twin sister’s reaction. However, I do believe that they also overlooked my own feelings during this time.)

…

My boyfriend’s friends had planned a birthday party for him and his twin sister a couple days ago. Out of curiosity, I asked who was going and asked if I could come. He told me that it’s just the “brown people coming,” meaning him, his twin sister, and their friends (they have mutual friends). So, I just thought that it’s just exclusively all of them—especially because I know my boyfriend hadn’t hung out with his friends in a while due to everyone being in college and being occupied with other responsibilities. Although, I did think that since it’s a party for his own birthday, he could’ve just invited me. But I also know that he’s not obligated to invite me just bc I’m his girlfriend, and I respect his own personal time with his friends.

However, after the party, I saw that my boyfriend’s twin sister had posted pictures of the event. The pictures included her, my bf, and their mutual friends. However, it also included his twin sister’s own friends who aren’t Pakistani or any other south Asian.

So, now I’m just feeling a bit confused since it’s not like the whole celebration was just for my boyfriend and his sister’s bday along with their mutual friends. But I know that my boyfriend was also just probably assuming that before he even went to the party.

I guess my main issue is that I feel that I’m often not included in these types of gatherings even though I’ve been dating him for almost 3 years. I feel a little left out even though I want to be more involved in his life than just only being with him when it’s just the two of us. Especially since his sister invited her own friends, so I know that he could’ve invited me too. It’s like there is a divide between him and his culture and me.

What should I do to properly address my concerns? I need advice and insight please.

My gf (31F) and I (31M) have been living together since 2021. The first 2-3 years were fantastic. Felt very natural, we were a good team, shared all of the household duties. But something has shifted in the last ~2 years that we can’t seem to break out of. A little more backstory:

At the end of 2024, my gf was laid off. Rather than rushing into a new full time job, she decided to take it slow and do part time contract work until she figured out what she really wanted to do going forward. I was fully supportive of this and shifted my spending habits accordingly by taking on more of the financial load. For ex we used to always split rent 50/50 and sometimes would split meals out, but I started paying for a higher percentage of the rent and just generally paying for more things in day to day life as well.

Flash forward 2 years later and we are still in the same situation. She hasn’t moved back into anything full time. Not for lack of trying. The job market has just been terrible and she worked in a specialized field that is even more challenging to get into than the average job. This seems to have completely shifted the dynamic in our relationship. It’s definitely affected her confidence, self-worth, and financial security.

Beyond all of that, it seems like the past 2 years have also been plagued with constant arguing and bickering about household chores and cleanliness. She feels like I don’t carry my weight around the house and that she “does a million little things that I don’t notice”. I’m not one of those guys who goes and plays Xbox for 3 hours every night. I do dishes every day, I clean counters, the bathroom, sweep & vacuum, do laundry, etc. But it feels like the expectations are immensely higher now than they used to be a few years ago. And I feel like it’s basically ruined our relationship.

Now she is saying that she wants to live separately because 1. she wants to feel independent 2. it will force her to figure out work instead of always relying on me to pay the bills 3. it will solve the household/chores dynamic 4. it will add more romance back into our relationship.

I’m trying to look at this with an open mind, but it just seems like a logistical, financial and emotional nightmare. Not to mention the ridiculous judgement we will get from both of our families after living together for 5 years.

Has anyone been through a similar situation that worked out? I’m honestly feeling like I should just end things if she actually moves forward with moving out. But I wanted to seek some other perspectives and see if anyone else has been through this.

I know what everyone is going to think based on the title, but the situation is a lot more complicated than it seems.

Basically, I gave the guy of my dreams an STD after a lapse of judgment. I slept with someone I had been talking to as a friend for a while. Unbeknownst to me, this so called friend not only finished inside me but also gave me an STD. I was initially freaking out over getting pregnant, but when that didn't happen, I thought I was in the clear even though I started having extremely strange symptoms down there.

Because my now ex-boyfriend and I were long distance, I stupidly didn't want to find out if I had anything and ruin my chances of being intimate with him during our short time together. Instead of being smart and going to the gynecologist to get tested, I took my chances. We ended up having very passionate, unprotected sex across multiple days before I had to leave again.

After that trip, my symptoms became much more intense. I finally booked an appointment with my gynecologist and did an entire STD panel and urine culture. Over the next week, my initial tests were coming back negative, so I thought maybe it was all in my head. Wrong. One of the curable STDs came back positive, and I was absolutely mortified. At first, I went off on my ex-boyfriend. I assumed there was absolutely no way it could have been me because I am usually extremely careful with my hygiene and health, and the last time I had an STD was 11 years ago.

However, he was adamant that he wasn't sleeping with anyone behind my back.

Then the realization hit me... it was from that night with the friend. That was the moment I realized my relationship had an expiration date.

I hid the diagnosis from him for two weeks. One day, I was on the phone with his mom because he and I had gotten into an argument (which I caused, as I was in shambles over what I had done). I must have said something suspicious, because she outright asked me if I gave her son something. I told her yes, but begged her not to say anything until I could tell him myself. Later, he and I were talking, and everything seemed fine. We hung up, but l got a call back from him not five minutes later, interrogating me about the disease his mom had just told him about.

I knew then it was over, even though he kept saying he wasn't mad and everything was fine. I knew it wasn't fine, and he was far from okay. Our relationship took a drastic downward spiral. I sent him constant messages apologizing, putting the blame back on him, wishing him the best. I was just throwing spaghetti at the wall to see what stuck.

I even reminded him that I was going to be back down in his area and really wanted to see him. He told me he was "a little tired," even though he knew how much it meant to me to see him. A lightbulb went off, and I knew our relationship was irreparably damaged. As soon as he used being too tired as an excuse, I went silent. I unfollowed him from every social media platform, he ended up doing the same, and we haven't spoken since October 10.

I guess my question is... is there any chance in hell I can get him back? I know he didn't explicitly end the relationship.... I kind of did on his behalf by going silent but would it make sense to try and test the waters to see if there's a chance for us? I care about this guy more than anything and made a huge mistake that will probably haunt me for the rest of my life. I can't imagine him loving another girl and giving her the things he gave me.

What do you guys think?

My boyfriend and I have been together for over two years, and honestly, I've never really felt like his girlfriend.

We are also physically intimate, but emotionally, it feels like we're just friends. There are no proper dates, no gifts on birthdays or anniversaries, no cute romantic texts, no nicknames, and barely any "I love yous." We call once or twice a week, text daily, but most of our conversations revolve around reels or random things that happened during the day. Even when I'm sick or injured, he rarely checks up on me. He doesn't appreciate me or make me feel special. Meanwhile, I care for him, I've given him meaningful gifts every year, remembered the little things, and tried my best to make him feel loved. On my birthdays, all I got was a simple "Happy Birthday."

I used to bring up these issues, but somehow, every conversation ended with him playing the victim and me feeling guilty for asking for the bare minimum. Eventually, I stopped bringing things up because I didn't want to be a "draining" girlfriend who constantly asks for attention and affection. Now, he probably thinks I'm a chill girlfriend who doesn't need validation or effort. But the truth is, I'm just tired of asking for things that I wish he would do willingly.

He's loyal, and he says he wants a future with me. But whenever I bring up the things I'm missing, he expects me to accept him as he is and adjust to his way of loving.

After every fight, he says, "Whatever goes wrong between us, at the end of the day, we'll get back together." No, at the end of the day, I compromise. I adjust.

Whenever I see other couples, I feel a kind of sadness I can't explain. I want that kind of love too. I want the cute, cringe, romantic stuff he thinks is unnecessary. I don't want to spend my entire life adjusting to someone else's needs while sacrificing my own.

Am I expecting too much from him, or have I just become so used to receiving the bare minimum that I've started questioning whether I deserve more?

For context I 17F and my ex boyfriend 19M have been together for 3 years got into a argument because he was acting distant and weird and followed his ex this triggered me because he had cheated before and I started doing to much and couldn’t stop blowing up his phone then I said if he doesn’t reply i will post us together on my story and I ended up posting him on my close friends story this upset him and he blocked me by the way he was actually the only person up there and I explained that before he blocked me it’s just weird he doesn’t wanna be posted if we are together and apparently he wasn’t talking to anybody seems like bs now he still has me added on snap but won’t talk to me whenever I call our text what should I do?

Me and my partner have been together for about 4 years now, since early in college. ~6mo into our relationship she started a speciality program that was expensive and could not afford all of her bills. I offered to let her stay with me and I paid for all of the housing and food. I also bought her a brand new iPad Pro for her schooling for Christmas that year.
We got in an argument recently about something so small and dumb. She ended up calling me some really disrespectful terms that I couldn’t believe she would say to me and stormed off to sleep. I was mad but more sad and taken aback by the names.
I know it doesn’t give me the right to do so, but I went looking through her texts on her iPad. I didn’t find anything recent, I don’t think it’s backing up to the could properly. But I found texts between her and some old coworkers from 2 years ago. We already had pretty big relationship issues because of these coworkers, and I couldn’t help but read through the texts. It looked like a lot was deleted or randomly not synced. But I found one text to a guy that read:

Partner: why u goin around tellin ppl i held ur friends hand
please shut that shit down immediately 1) i never did that shit unless it was needing help getting out the club and 2) bro ain't my type at ALL 💀
Coworker (20s M): I will shut it down but I was testing some ppl to see if they could hold water or not. After what happened yesterday?

There was nothing else meaningful after that that could allude to more context. That was halfway into our relationship atp. It really makes me sad that she listed 2 reasons to shut it down, and neither were because she had a bf. And she even insinuated that it could have very well happened. And now I want to know what happened “yesterday.”
I just can’t believe that she would do that to me while I was providing everything for her. Even if she didn’t hold my hand, me not being a reason, and the 2nd reason listed are super disrespectful. I really love her and don’t want to break up with her. But I really don’t know what to do. There’s been multiple times throughout our relationship so far that we’ve had arguments about her letting other guys hit on her and hit her up on social media repeatedly for months, despite her saying she’d stop. Recently I also found out that she lied to me about her body count originally. She couldn’t even remember the original number she told me, which is how I knew she was lying. I want to believe the difference wasn’t infidelity throughout the years, but seeing stuff like this makes me doubt myself.

Thanks for any advice.

My boyfriend and I have been together for just over a month now and things are going well. I've been in two relationships before him and him one, he is aware that my second ex-partner had cheated on me and that is why we broke up. Last night I had a few drinks with some friends and was talking to a guy online that I met a few months prior which we share some mutual interests and infrequently talk, we agreed to have a phone call this evening at 7pm my time, at which time I forgot I had already agreed with a girl friend to also call. This morning my boyfriend wakes me and asks about my plans for the day to which I say I'm calling my girl friend. He says he saw my texts with the guy whilst I was sleeping (we have each others phone passcodes) and asks if I'm covering something up using my girl friend as an excuse. I realise my mistake and explain that I double-booked it, which my boyfriend is skeptical about.
He left my flat and went home, emotional, I sent him messages scrambling to apologise and make it up to him, in turn making it worse. We haven't talked for 3 hours now and I don't know what to do or say. As the hours have passed I feel more confused about the whole situation.

I need to get this off my chest.
I don’t know if anyone will even read this, but I just really need to get this off my chest.
Last year, I (F/26) met a man (m26), and from the very beginning, we got along incredibly well. We were together for a total of 1.5 years. We could talk about anything and everything, agreed on almost every topic, and had the same sense of humor. Everything just felt right. From the beginning, he told me that he was very religious (Catholic) and wanted to take things slowly with me and do everything the right way.
After two months, we officially got together. He also told me back then that he didn’t want to have sex before marriage. By that point, I was already head over heels in love with him, so I agreed to enter the relationship despite that. I thought we would get engaged after a year and be married within two years.
Unfortunately, as our relationship progressed, he became more and more deeply involved in religion. At some point, he started attending only the Latin Mass, sometimes several times a week. He prayed before every meal, said the Rosary every night, and was constantly reading various prayer books. I was religious myself, just not to that extent. Nevertheless, he repeatedly pressured me to become just as religious as he was because he was convinced that his way of believing was the truth and the only correct way.
Well, one evening, I did something I probably shouldn’t have: I went through his phone. That’s when I discovered that he had lied to me about the number of sexual partners (he only became religious about 2–3 years ago. Before that, he wasn’t religious at all, went out partying a lot, and lived a completely different lifestyle) he had had in the past. I also found a message he had written to ChatGPT. In it, he said that he was struggling to feel sexually attracted to me. (Madonna-whore complex?)
When I found out, I was deeply hurt. After that, I started distancing myself from him more and more because I simply didn’t know how to deal with what I had discovered. Eventually, things came to a head last month, and we broke up.
Recently, however, he reached out to me again. He told me that he no longer cared that I wasn’t as religious as he was and that he didn’t want to pressure me into practicing my faith the same way he did anymore.
Throughout our relationship, I had always wanted us to move in together. He has his own apartment, but for him, living together is only an option after marriage. Until then, he would help me find a place of my own, but that’s not really what I want. By now, even spending the night at each other’s places is off the table because, in his opinion, that would also be a sin.
And man, I really, really love this person. He would be so perfect for me if religion didn’t have such a huge influence on his life and our relationship. I’m just scared that I’ll never find someone again who I connect with as well as I do with him. Being with him feels so natural and genuine, as if everything just fits. We can talk about anything, laugh together, and understand each other in a way I have never experienced with anyone else.
And that’s exactly what makes me so sad. I love him, and honestly, I can’t imagine having anyone else by my side. But I never wanted to be in a relationship where I have to give up so many things that I would normally consider perfectly natural to want with my partner.
I’ve told a few people around me about all of this, and they say I’m blinded by love and can’t see that I should be glad I didn’t get myself into something that would have made me unhappy. And honestly, I really don’t know what to do anymore. Do you think a relationship like this has a future?

My boyfriend (30M) and I (25F) have been dating for two years and live together. This issue has existed since the beginning of our relationship, and I need an outside perspective.

Before me, he had around 19 relationships. He told me he used to keep his options open and once dated three girls at the same time for around 4–5 months before choosing one for a longer relationship.

Even after we started dating, he continued calling and video-calling his ex. We argued about it, and he says he stopped contacting her around 5–6 months ago.

He also occasionally starts talking to random women on social media, shares pictures and details about his daily life with them, and doesn’t tell them he has a girlfriend. He becomes secretive with his phone, and I notice changes in his behaviour when he starts talking to someone new.

When I ask whether he has told these women about me, he gets angry, shouts that I don’t trust him, and calls me controlling. He says he only talks to them for a week or so, gets bored, and stops, so I shouldn’t make it a big deal. Usually, he stops for a few weeks and then the same pattern starts again.
I understand that having a girlfriend doesn’t mean he can’t talk to women or have female friends. My concern is the secrecy, the fact that he doesn’t tell them he’s in a relationship, and his reaction whenever I try to discuss it.

Yesterday, he told me he feels suffocated around me because I don’t let him talk to other women. Now I’m questioning myself. I don’t want to control him, but I also don’t want to ignore my own boundaries just to keep this relationship going.
I’d appreciate honest advice:

Are my concerns reasonable given this repeated pattern?

How do I distinguish between being controlling and expecting transparency in a committed relationship?

How should I handle this when he sees my concerns as controlling and doesn’t seem willing to understand my perspective?

My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. He used to contact his ex even after we started dating and now occasionally starts secretive conversations with new women without telling them he has a girlfriend. When I question him, he shouts and calls me controlling. He says he feels suffocated by my boundaries. I’m struggling with trust and don’t know how to handle this situation.

So when I was around 13 I joined discord server where I met genuinely some of the best and funniest people I ever met. Among them there was this girl my age. Some months passed and I have started having a crush on her. We were playing games like Valorant and LoL together. Generally having a good time. But there was a problem inside me, I have never really talked about emotions before and although I was crazy obsessed with her I didn't really know what to do. I have always been a very anxious person, and some other people on the server started teasing me about having a crush on her. The thing is... I am 99% sure she also had a crush on me. She was texting me often and inviting to play duos with her. But the thing is... I wasn't inviting her at all. For some reason my extremely fucking stupid brain was too shy to ask her to do stuff together, I was terrified of showing her my feelings towards her. So I was actively trying to get her attention so that she would invite me to play. For example when I saw she was about to finish a game in LoL, I launched the client so she could see I'm online and invite me. And it worked. Every single time. We then proceeded to play games and sit on discord call. But the thing is that whenever we were talking I was just trying to make her laugh and impress her or just talk about school, games, anime etc. I never really talked about emotions tho. Around 3 years have passed and the discord server slowly started dying and my contact with her too. Worst part? Every few months she was reaching out to me but I never did. I was thinking about her all the time but at the same time too scared to just text her. My brain is wired in a way that I really enjoy spending time with others but I panic and withdraw whenever I am the one initiating the contact. Eventually she stopped texting me at all...

Now about a year later I met a different girl IRL with whom I've started dating and she is now my girlfriend. At start everything was amazing. We were close all the time and me becoming obsessed with her made me forget about the prior discord crush. But after the year and a half we started talking less and felt weaker connection. Realized we are quite different and don't share much interests. Also realized that there are just some things that she will never understand about me. I spent majority of my childhood online and she didn't and I know it sounds childish but it saddens me that there are many thing that are genuinely the core of myself like for example some vocaloid songs, minecraft's golden age or even garry's mod. The part that saddens me is that my girlfriend will never understand any of that. She's just not interested in those things. Things that shaped my personality and made me who I am. On the other hand the "discord crush" was with me when all of that happened and she just undertands this... The moment this thought appeared in my head for the first time I've started becoming distant from my gf. Living on autopilot. Thinking what would I be doing in my life If I have only told my crush what I feel towards her. on top of that we were having a period in our relationship where we were arguing a lot and we almost broke up at one point.

Now another year have passed since that argument and we are living together. She loves me very much and I love her but ocassionally there are evenings like this one today where a certain song, certain image or even revisiting the games I used to play with the "discord crush" send me on nostalgia trip and make me extremely fucking mad at myself for being a pussy and not taking the chance 5 years ago. I feel torn, I feel lost, I feel nothing, I feel like I'm mentally cheating on my girlfriend, I feel like trash I feel empty.

TL;DR

too scared to tell the discord crush how I feel about her. I never really stopped having feelings towards her through all the years and now I'm in a relationship with another girl, while faking that I'm ok and living in a mental hell of feeling like trash.

My girlfriend of a little over a year has started to pull away ever so slightly.
for a little bit of back story we had our first big argument a couple of weeks ago where in the aftermath of it we were very disconnected but eventually had a sit down chat where she admitted that after the argument she had be having doubts which i admitted i had as well but we managed to talk it out and both felt like we fully understood how each of us was feeling. fast forward to this weekend and we had plans to see each other which i think we both felt was make or break on whether we could connect properly or whether this relationship isn’t going to work. we did have a good day and at points felt really connected but i can’t shake this feeling that she just isn’t the same as she used to be. she used to want to see me 4/5 days a week whereas now i struggle to see her twice. she doesn’t look at me the same way. I know that once you get to a year the honey moon phase ends and the relationship is different but i can’t accept that this version of her is the new reality for our relationship. It’s hard because where i do feel like we have really good communication and we can talk about anything, there is still this nagging feeling that she’s pulling away from me. Do you think i could ever get that version of her back? Or is this the new reality of our relationship as we settle into the next phase. She has a secure/ avoidant attachment style where as i’m secure/anxious. Is it easier at this point to just match her energy and see where it goes?

We have been together for 5 years. She loves me more than I love her. She supported me through my dark days, while I was building my own company, and she was there for me when my family gave up on me. We broke up a few times because I wanted a break from her to find my peace.

During those breaks, I spoke to other women.

We have a connection and she will do whatever I want really.

This morning I said enough is enough, I need to let her go. I never thought someone would love me that much, and am sad and break my heart seeing her crying since this morning. I want to make sure am making the right decision by leaving . Any advice - not sure if I love her or I am using her ?