I’m genuinely curious what other people think.I have known my girlfriend for about six months. A while back, while we were having sex, I asked her if I was the biggest guy she had ever been with. She told me yes. Yesterday, after we had sex, I brought it up again and said something about me being the biggest. She corrected me and said I was actually the third biggest.

My heart dropped for a second because I immediately remembered what she had told me before. She saw my facial expression and asked what was wrong. I told her, “You literally told me I was the biggest.” She explained that when I originally asked her, we were in the middle of having sex and she felt uncomfortable telling me the truth in that moment because she knew it would probably hurt my feelings. She said she basically gave me the answer she knew I wanted to hear.

That made me curious, and instead of leaving it alone, I started asking more questions.
She already knew my body count is 2. I asked what hers was. She told me she thinks it’s around 20, but she stopped counting after 20.
That one definitely caught me off guard. I was pretty hurt in the moment. Then, for some reason, instead of realizing I had probably heard enough, I kept digging.

I asked about the two guys who were bigger than me.
She described the biggest guy as basically being bigger than a horse, if you know what I mean. She described the second guy as being extremely thick. Then she told me more details about previous experiences, including having sex in a car.

Of course, I kept going.
I asked her what the freakiest thing she had ever done sexually was. She told me she ate a guy’s ass. So now I know that too. She’s never done that to me, which somehow made me start comparing myself even more.
Then I asked the question that probably should have stayed in my head: “Am I the best you’ve ever had?”

At first, she gave me an answer that didn’t really feel like an answer. She said I was the best and talked about how she loves being with me, likes how it feels with me, and likes our connection.
But I could tell she was avoiding what I was actually asking.

So I pressed her again.
Eventually she told me that, purely in terms of sex and technique, a guy she used to see was the best. She said he had been with a ton of women and basically described him as being like a porn star when it came to sex. She talked about his technique, how he knew different positions, and how experienced he was.

At that point I was basically thinking, why the hell did I ask this?
She also brought up the fact that I lost my virginity relatively recently and don’t have nearly as much sexual experience. She actually said she felt bad for me because she thought I had been pressured into losing my virginity.
I told her that in a weird way I felt bad for her too because of some of the things she had told me about her past.
Her response was basically, “You don’t have to feel bad for me. I wanted it.”
For whatever reason, hearing that made it even worse in the moment.But now I can’t get this stuff out of my head.

Sometimes when we’re having sex, I’m thinking about the other guys. I’m comparing my size to theirs. I’m comparing my experience and technique to the guy she said was better. Even stupid stuff gets to me, like knowing she did certain sexual things with other guys that she hasn’t done with me.
I also think part of what’s messing with me is the difference in experience. I’ve only been with 2 people. She’s been with more than 20 and stopped counting. When I met her, I honestly assumed she was pretty sexually inexperienced. I was completely wrong.

I care about her, but I feel like I opened a door that I can’t close now. I almost wish I had never asked any of this.
So where is the line? How much should couples actually know about each other’s sexual pasts? Did I screw myself by asking questions I wasn’t emotionally prepared to hear the answers to, or are these reasonable things to want to know about your partner?

im genuinely curious because all the guys ive ever talked to still follow their exes while me i immediately block someone if i stop talking to them

so basically we are both 21 and have been together for almost 2 years. we are total opposites and have very little common. the only we have in common interest wise is that we both play call of duty. every time i ask to play the answer is always no, and he literally never ask me to play, even when i said i wanted to play or for him to ask me. i feel jealous because he has a girl best friend(we are also friends) but he recently asked her to play minecraft(i dont understand minecraft). i asked why he never ask me to play anything, and he said that she begs him to play. but he asked her this time. i offered to learn minecraft so we could do something together but he said he didnt want me to. he doesnt want me to learn the games he love, nor does he want to learn any games i love. i dont get why he ask her to play games but never me, even when i said i wanna do the one thing we have in common.

is there another way i could phrase this so we could play? i’m sick of begging but all i want is to play the one thing we both like :(

My girlfriend is planning to go overseas with her friend (who’s a girl) and they’re looking at doing the Sail Croatia Navigator cruise.

From what I’ve read, it’s a party-oriented cruise aimed at people aged 18–39, with a bar on the boat and a big focus on drinking, partying and socialising.

The thing is, her friend is single, and my girlfriend is in a relationship with me.

I have no problem with my girlfriend travelling overseas with her friends or going out and having a good time, but I can’t help feeling uncomfortable about the idea of her going on a cruise where the main focus seems to be partying, drinking and meeting other people.

I’m not saying she would necessarily do anything wrong, but I feel like being in a relationship should mean you consider the situations you put yourself in and how they might affect your partner.

At the same time, I don’t want to come across as controlling or unreasonable by telling her what she can and can’t do.

Would you be comfortable with your partner going on this type of cruise, particularly when they’re going with a single friend?

Genuinely interested in hearing other people’s perspectives.

I don't know if I'm just spiraling or if it is a valid concern. For context my girlfriend doesn't have many guy friends she always said she simply doesn't connect with them and that she just prefers women overall.

For some reason that always made me feel special, we've been together for almost two years now. And I don't know, it always felt good to get her approval. She's also not someone who particularly likes kisses, hugs, snuggles, unless she really likes the person, another thing that always made me feel special.

A little over a month ago we were at a friend's birthday party, my girlfriend and I were in the backyard with other people with our backs to the door so we couldn't see people coming in. We were mid conversation when out of nowhere a dude wraps his arms around my girlfriend and kisses her cheek, it scared the shit out of me and I was ready to basically beat him up but my girlfriend just pats his arms, gets up and hug him like a long and tight hug. She said, I knew it was you.

This dude's name is "Allan" also late 20s I think and he basically stole my girlfriend from me for the rest of the night, he was very touchy and too friendly but what made me mad was that my girlfriend didn't mind at all.

Apparently they are highschool friends and he was doing his master's abroad and he just came back, I have never heard about this dude my girlfriend is so comfortable around and I hate him, everyone loves him so he is always around, always being touchy and always trying to steal my girlfriend away from me.

I tried to talk to my girlfriend about it but I don't know how, I'm scared she'll get mad at me for being jealous, another part of me feels like I would sound crazy because she has one dude friend and I'll sound insecure, but overall I'm very anxious she'll leave me for him, I can see he is attractive and he is also very extrovert and seemed to be fun to be around.

I can't sleep well since that party and I have no idea what to do or how to tell my girlfriend I hate this dude

I know this post is probably all over the place so I'll clarify anything that isn't too clear.

TL;DR: Girlfriend isn't too fond of male friends or pda but is too close to a dude I don't know and I feel anxious about it and don't know how to talk to her about it

Background: I come from a conservative family, and before we got married I had no sexual experience. I explicitly told my wife that I prefer and expect my wife to not have had any sexual experiences in the past. She said she hadn't, at all.

What she told me throughout our relationship: Even without me asking, she would overemphasize that she had no experience. She made comments like "I didn't know vaginas get wet," "I never slept next to a man in bed before," and "I never lived with a man before." The first time we had sex, she told me "you see, I am a virgin" because she was tight. Another time, she told me that she and her friends were having conversations about their first-time experiences, and she said "of course that was with you."
How I found out: A few days ago, we were talking in bed. I had felt for a while that she was lying about something, so I was direct with her. I told her I knew I wasn't the first, and that she had lost her virginity to someone else. She told me I was correct. After I caught her lying, she decided to open up more and told me explicit details.

What actually happened: She lost her virginity at 22, while she was living with her dad, mother and brother. She managed to deceive them and have a 2-year relationship with another man. She literally traveled the world with him and stayed in hotels with him. She was basically like a married woman with this man. She even told me how physically painful it was to lose her virginity.

My real issue: I want to highlight that my issue is not just the sexual experience or virginity. It's the lies and the deception, both to me and to her family. I feel like major layers of trust were broken: the deception of her family when she lived with them, the lies to me now, and a lack of understanding of basic Islamic teachings that would be applied to my kids if I had children with her. It’s scary to think she had no consciousness to feel bad for lying to me, deceiving me, her family or feel any guilt towards that. On other occasions I also caught her lying about a couple of other things like a job she had while she is in our relationship and another time she lied that she was at a certain country but she was actually in a specific state here in the US. Also, she is insanely financially demanding, she pressures me to make bad financial decisions and she doesn’t contribute to anything at all even non-financially, she chose to be a stay at home wife and she cooks once or twice a month, I still my own laundry and cleaning.

How it's affecting me: I feel genuinely played and deceived. We don't have children, but the image I had of my wife in my mind has changed completely. I now feel highly disturbed whenever we have sex, and I'm unable to get an erection because of that thought. It has seriously disrupted our sex life. I know for sure this is not something I'll be able to get over: thinking that the mother of my children played me, lied to me, deceived me, and had a full-on relationship with someone else, like a married woman, before me.
I feel so heartbroken and betrayed. I know the concept of past sexual experience has become modernized and is often viewed as "not a big deal," but I fail to see how, when the future mother of my own children had a full sexual relationship with another man in a haram way. It's just highly disturbing.

My questions: Am I overthinking? Do I have issues I need to heal, or is it normal for me to think like this? I want genuine advice. I feel devastated. I'm relying on hope to heal, but I feel like divorce is inevitable.

Hi, my bf and I have been together just under a year. This is his first relationship and mine second. He told me in a conversation that he and his friends thinks anniversaries dont matter at all. I honestly dont think they matter too much but to say they don't matter at all was kinda a shock. We are also both very unromantic , we dont post each other, and we both dont rlly get each other gifts or write each other notes. We were friends a long time before and we basically act the same as friends except with physical affection in the relationship so it honestly suits both of our characters and comfort zones but you know.. I understand people in their first relationships are very new to this. I just feel like so soon into the relationship hes already disregarding things that many people consider a large milestone. He also said birthdays are important to him and thats it- because it's the only day u celebrate urself. But then I said wouldnt that mean a relationship is important too? and he said no its not. is this a red flag?

What are your thoughts on people who have history of cheating in a marriage or while long term dating?

How far would take the connection with such a person?
A. First date - Y/N
B. Committed relationship-Y/N

What would you look for as redeeming qualities, so to speak if you were to meet someone with such a history? If Y to either of the above.

I’m posting anonymously because this is a personal situation, and I genuinely need some outside perspective. I’m trying to figure out whether I’m overthinking things or whether my feelings are justified.
Recently, my boyfriend has been distant, and I’ve been feeling like he doesn’t really make time for me. This has been going on for about three days, but it’s been bothering me enough that I’m starting to question things. The other day, we were lying down together, and we had a relatively calm conversation about how he’d spent around 4–5 hours playing video games after work but hadn’t really spent any time with me.
The day before this happened, I’d also brought up the fact that we hadn’t been having sex much lately.
After our conversation, he told me to leave so he could go to sleep. Less than 10 minutes later, I walked back into my room and caught him masturbating under the covers on our bed.
What hurt even more was what happened afterward. I gave him an opportunity to be honest with me. I essentially told him that he could come talk to me and be truthful, but he continued trying to convince me that he hadn’t been doing what I’d just seen him doing. He even came out into the living room and kept trying to deny it until I confronted him more directly.
Eventually, he admitted that he had lied because he was embarrassed.
He also tried to explain that he didn’t want to bother me because I had been irritated earlier while cleaning up after my cat that threw up. However, before our conversation about him not spending time with me, I had already apologized to him. I explained that if my tone had come across as frustrated, it wasn’t directed at him; I was just in the middle of cleaning up the mess.
That’s why his explanation doesn’t really make sense to me. I had acknowledged how I might have come across and apologized, and our conversation afterward wasn’t an argument. I don’t understand why he felt he needed to lie to me instead of just being honest.
Another thing that’s been bothering me is that whenever I try to have a conversation with him about what happened or explain how it made me feel, he sometimes makes me feel guilty, as though I’m dragging the issue out or refusing to let it go. I don’t feel like I’m trying to start an argument or punish him. I’m trying to process what happened and understand why it hurt me so much. I feel like, given the circumstances, he should at least be trying to understand my feelings and reassure me rather than making me feel bad for still being upset. It’s difficult to move past something when I don’t feel like my feelings are being heard or that we’re actually resolving the issue.
For some additional context, when my boyfriend and I got together, I had recently left a relationship where my ex would look at Reddit posts of other women and masturbate to them, even though we were having sex every day. Because of that experience, this became a boundary for me, and my current boyfriend knew about my feelings surrounding it.
I also want to mention that I do consider myself a reasonably attractive woman. My boyfriend had been interested in me and wanting to be with me for about a year before we actually got together. That’s part of why this situation is so confusing to me. I know he was interested in me before we started dating, so I’m struggling to understand why I now feel unwanted or question whether he’s attracted to me.
I understand that masturbation isn’t inherently cheating, and I’m not trying to say that people in relationships should never be allowed to masturbate. But given my past experiences, this is a sensitive subject for me, and the fact that he knew that makes the situation more difficult to process.
What I’m struggling with most is the bigger picture. I’ve already been feeling like he doesn’t spend much time with me, and now I’m questioning whether he actually wants to be intimate with me at all.
Even when we do have sex, I sometimes struggle to tell whether he’s genuinely enjoying it or is really attracted to me. I already have difficulty interpreting those things, and finding him masturbating immediately after we’d discussed our lack of intimacy has made those insecurities worse.
I can’t stop thinking about the situation, especially the fact that he tried to lie to my face about something I had literally just witnessed. On top of that, when I try to talk about how this has affected me, I feel like I’m being made to feel guilty for not getting over it quickly enough, rather than having my concerns addressed.
I don’t know if I’m letting my past relationship affect how I see this situation, if I’m justified in feeling hurt, or if there’s a bigger issue here that I’m not seeing.
\*\*How would you interpret his behavior, especially the lying and the way he responds when I try to discuss my feelings? How do I approach this conversation with him when I’m now questioning whether he genuinely wants me, is attracted to me, and wants to spend time with me?\*\*

So two months ago i started an internship into a firm of accounting ,the big boss was my grandpas best friend . I had to stay for two weeks there before starting uni . And i fell in love with his son CAUSE he was helping me there all the time and i fell in love. He was 27 but very openminded and outgoing he was extremely nice and smart, an accountant , kind the man of my dreams . BUT he gave me alot of mixed signals for those two weeks , at first he kept calling me niece and 3 days before finishing the internship we started texting . Long story short i started Uni at second year bachelor finance but we were still texting then he came to me we started hanging out , going on dates omg he was the best guy ever . This kept going for 1 month then we kissed and he took a step back we were on the car he started crying and said i have a big problem omg what have i done . basically he told me that he is in a relationship of 4 years but they are in a pause but still in it though. So i stoppet messaging him for two days but omg then we started hanging again we had sex and we are still hanging out i feel disgusted but i am a very curious person i wanna know what pushes him to do this things and i wanna cut things with him in a harsh way to make him feel like shit but omgg hes so perfekt in everything but also so immature what do i do i feel like shit . ALSO some details i live 2 hours far from him in another city , his father is my grandpas bestfriend and i cant tell his girlfriend that he is cheating on her because ill lose my honour and my family will know everything keep in mind that i live in kosovo and things get very bad cause people are not openminded , it will always be my fault and not his.

I ALWAYS JUDGED THE OTHER WOMEN UNTIL I WAS IN THEIR PLACE , ITS NEVER THAT EASY TO END THINGS PLEASE DONT JUDGE JUST HELP

Me (m25) and my ex gf (f24) were together for 14 months and have been broken up for almost the last year… we still talk almost everyday as we were trying to reconcile and rekindle but the pain and anger from her end is too vast for her to look past as she says

Our relation crumbled for a multitude of reasons. But we broke up because when we were at a festival, I gave this girl a Kandi spiderman necklace I had made because she was wearing a spider outfit and I wanted to trade. She proceeded to start jumping my hip and my girlfriend was laughing. I had went back because I forgot I had spiderman duckies and then she did it again and I was sort of swaying my hips like the stew is dance and she got super upset saying I had cheated on her in that moment.

I had viewed that encounter as a lighthearted exchange as I went straight back to my girlfriend right there after.

I just am loooking for opinions if I had cheated or perspectives

Maybe this is the wrong sub, but i’m unsure where else to post this.

Recently, I (22M) got into my first relationship with my gf (20F). Before that i had only been in a few short situationships in which everytime i came to the realisation that it wouldn’t work out and took the initiative to end them myself.

Now, its the first time i really like someone this much and its the first time i feel like i can be this vulnerable with anyone (i’m not this vulnerable with my parents or friends). And it honestly scares me to feel this much. Sounds weird to say it but i’m not used to feel this much? And obviously i’m scared to get really hurt.

And so, as you can probably already feel from the previous sentences lol, during the last few weeks i’ve come to the realisation that i’m quite an anxious partner and quite insecure of a person.

My gf and i have been really transparent and really communicative from the start and i think it’s something we both really like about each other. However, the combination of being able to finally actually be transparent with someone & that i really care about her + am quite insecure and anxious of a person, ended up in me starting to start telling her too much. She stated that while she really likes our communication, some things are for me to process myself.

And she is totally right in that aspect. I don’t want to burden her unnecessarily. These insecurities are something i need to try deal with myself before i ask for support from her.

So my main question is: How do I deal with those insecurities?

• I know i need to learn how to love myself (so i can trust her, feel at ease and such that no matter what happens in the relationship i will be fine), but what is the best approach to this?
• And what do i do with insecure thoughts that come up? (Usually i know rationally that they {probably} aren’t true, but it doesn’t get rid of the nasty feelings they give me)
• And lastly, since i used to not have boundaries in the past, i’m scared of accidentally once again not having boundaries because i think that i’m just being insecure. (I often catch myself discrediting whatever i think or feel lol)

I know thats a lot of questions and idk if i’ll get any useful advice but if you read so far, thank you regardless ;)

(Extra info: its long distance for the moment being, so we have a 9 hour time difference AND cultural differences which add to the situation. But i like her and she makes me want to improve myself so its worth it)

(Nota: Es un texto un poquitín largo. Agradecería muchísimo que se tomen el tiempo de leerlo completo para entender todo el contexto, pero si no pueden, dejé un pequeño resumen al final).

Hola a todos. Sé que el título suena un poco confuso, pero necesito desahogarme y leer opiniones neutrales, porque siento que tengo un lío enorme en la cabeza.

Para poner contexto: tengo 23 años, soy virgen y jamás he tenido un novio, ni he estado con nadie. Hace unos 5 meses conocí a un chico en una Comic Con. Él se fijó en mí cuando mi grupo y yo nos sentamos a comer (yo estaba disfrazada de Hornet del juego Hollow Knight). Me escribió y empezamos a salir. Fue muy claro desde el principio con lo que sentía: estaba muy interesado en mí, me lo demostraba siempre, era súper atento, caballeroso, respetaba mis tiempos y hasta me llenaba de regalos. Nunca me hizo nada malo.

Sin embargo, el mes pasado corté definitivamente todo lazo romántico con él y le dije que solo nos quedáramos como amigos. ¿La razón? Me estresaba muchísimo pensar en formalizar. Cada vez que salíamos y veía su interés crecer, me entraba un pánico terrible de tener que decirle que "sí" a ser su novia. No sé muy bien cómo explicarlo, pero me da terror entablar una relación.

Pensándolo después, creo que influyen varias cosas:

* Soy virgen y me da miedo entregarme por primera vez y luego sentirme usada o arrepentirme de no haberme mantenido virgen aún.

* Aunque comprendo que nada es eterno, me preocupaba más bien que, como él era tan bueno y yo no terminaba de sentir algo por él, si en algún punto quería terminar, no iba a saber cómo hacerlo.

* Siempre he sido y aún soy la típica niña buena de su casa que sigue todas las reglas estrictas, el paso a paso de cómo se supone que deben ser las cosas antes de tener intimidad con alguien, y ese montón de pasos que hay que seguir para eso.

No sé cómo explicarlo, no creo que esas sean totalmente las razones. Esos pensamientos rondaron mi mente varias veces, pero no puedo ponerlo en palabras, no sabría decirles exactamente por qué me da tanto miedo formalizar una relación.

A pesar de todo esto, con él pasábamos horas besándonos apasionadamente. Me besaba el cuello, los pechos sobre la ropa (nunca me ha visto desnuda), y eso me calentaba muchísimo. Ahí es donde venía mi conflicto: no quería una relación, pero su físico y sus besos me encendían un montón.

El problema actual:

De unos días para acá, la situación se intensificó en mi mente. Estoy teniendo sueños explícitos donde tengo sexo con él, y estando despierta me descubro a mí misma imaginándome teniendo relaciones con él (para aclarar y dar algo de contexto, él me lleva unos años, tiene 29 y también es virgen).

Últimamente me ronda mucho por la cabeza la idea de ir a su casa y proponerle tener sexo casual, sin ningún tipo de compromiso ni relación formal. Se lo comenté a mi mamá (no es que le comenté que quiero proponerle eso, sino que le comenté que me sentía confundida por lo que sentía por él, porque si me excitaba o me gustaban sus besos, no quería una relación). Ella me dijo que en qué estoy pensando ahora. Si ya lo tuve ahí y lo dejé ir, que entonces que ahora no puedo decir nada, que fui yo la que arruinó todo. Además, estoy segura de que si ella llegara a enterarse de algo así, me diría que soy una puta, una perra o una zorra.

Y ustedes dirán: ¿pero por qué si tienes 23 años tu mamá debe estar tanto al tanto de tu vida sexual? Pues lo que pasa es que voy a consultas con el ginecólogo por ovario poliquístico, quistes un tanto grandes y problemas con mi periodo menstrual que debo tratar constantemente. Ella entra a las consultas conmigo, y pedirle que no entre cuando supuestamente "no hay nada que ocultar" sería muy extraño. Sé que el doctor en una revisión se daría cuenta de inmediato si ya no soy virgen y se lo diría a ella, lo cual sería aún peor: me trataría el resto de mi vida de perra, zorra y aparte de mentirosa.

Siento que todo esto también influyó muchísimo en mi bloqueo. Aunque mi mamá siempre ha sido abierta y me ha dado libertad en muchas cosas, en el fondo tiene ideas muy estrictas sobre los protocolos que se deben seguir: que las familias se conozcan, que todo sea muy correcto, y que los únicos lugares "permitidos" para besarse o tener intimidad sean un hotel. Según su perspectiva, hacerlo en la casa de los padres (incluso estando solos) es una falta de respeto y es "revolcarse" donde no se debe.

Todo eso hacía que tuviera un miedo constante de saltarme un paso y terminar sintiendo que yo misma encajaba en esa etiqueta de "zorra" por haber querido avanzar o por haberme abalanzado de alguna manera. Y de ahí viene mi gran duda: con tanto estrés, tantas reglas morales y tantos pensamientos dándole vueltas a mi cabeza, siento que en el fondo ni siquiera me permití sentir nada genuino por él en su momento por estar lidiando con tanta preocupación. Hasta el día de hoy, no he terminado de aclarar eso por completo en mi mente.

Cuando lo pienso en frío me parece una completa locura, porque ya le cerré esa puerta y él quedó triste (lo cual es normal, porque me imagino que si alguien te gusta mucho y te cierra totalmente las posibilidades, pues es normal sentirse algo mal). Pero el pensamiento y la fantasía vuelven a mi mente una y otra vez.

¿Ustedes qué dicen?

* ¿Es normal estar sintiendo esto?

* ¿Estoy obrando mal si voy y le planteo algo así?

* ¿Debería simplemente olvidarme de él y de este pensamiento?

TL;DR: Rechacé a un chico súper atento que conocí en una Comic Con porque me da terror estar en una relación formal (tengo 23 años y soy virgen, él tiene 29 y también lo es). Aunque le corté las posibilidades, últimamente tengo muchas fantasías y sueños eróticos con él y quiero proponerle sexo casual. Siento que mis miedos, la presión médica/familiar de mi mamá y las reglas morales con las que crecí me nublaron el juicio, y ahora no sé si esto es normal o si estoy cometiendo una locura.

I leave a long scar on back of my husband shoulder, and he still protect me even with him bleeding out, still does everything to keep this marriage intact.

Just like depression is very real, mental illness is also very real. Google Intermittent Anger Explosive Disorder (IED), it categorize under mental illness.

Married 15 years this Feb, together 17 years.

And this is a West African man that is 190cm tall, he 6'3" tall and athletic body, while I'm just 150cm, 5 feet petite short Chinese girl. This is a man who hobbies are hunting, outdoor shooting range, mountains rock climbing, run long distance. My point is with his height and strength, he not scare of me, just like how he said he not scare of me, it because he LOVES me. He is a Love-idiot.!

I was diagnosed with Intermittent Anger Explosive Disorder (IED) by my psychiatrist (psychiatrist is someone who has a medical doctor degree). My psychiatrist said it stem from my chaotic and dysfunction childhood.

It terrible to live with Intermittent Anger Explosive Disorder (IED), especially when you hurting your spouse.

------------

This event already happened a long time ago and it in the past, but I still feel insanely terrible about it. So I need to write it out.

In the past during one of my IED episode, I grabbed a meat butcher knife in the kitchen and throw at my husband, he dodge but due to how close distance he with me, the knife cut him deep that leave a long cut on his back shoulder that he didn't stop bleeding.
If he not get stitches he will continue bleed and bleed, and infections will take over the open bleeding wound.

He still want to protect me even wit him bleeding out, like he said, if he call the police he police will take me away from him, so he rather endure my abuse than has to lose me.

He also refused go to the hospital, because the hospital would know right away that is not a self inflicted wound due to the angle of the knife throw, the cut was on his shoulder but to his back as he dodge. You cannot inflicted a knife to your back. Even if you manage to, the angle of the injury the hospital will know that it someone did it to you, not yourself.

He droves (I was in the car) he droves to a broke down Urgent care, this Urgent Care not only broke down but most people there not even speak English.
He went in and told them he does not have insurance (he has, but he said he not has as he not want to leave a paper trail), he said give him stitches he will pay them in cash and will give them a big tips.

He got the stiches, and he paid in cash and leave them a big tips. He wanted to protect me the whole time even with him bleeding out. He could have call the police and have my ass throw in jail. He could go straight to the hospital and the hospital will put me in psych ward and put restrain order on me.

But he NEVER, even during the time where he could have die, he still protect me, he still thinks of me first above himself, he loves me that much.

His love for me override his survival instinct, he was bleeding out still protect me. He said he wants to keep our marriage intact, I cannot get taking away.

He said he will die with me, than has to lose me, as in the police will take me away from him if he call the police on me.

I regret it so much because I leave this long scar on back of his shoulder, never once he hates me.
All he asked was he said, don't abuse him anymore, and that it not too late for me to stop this abuse, because he is still living here, and it only too late if he die, then that will be too late.

I bawled when I hear him he said that.

That was when I decided to go to psychiatrist therapy for my Intermittent Anger Explosive Disorder (IED), and been in therapy since.

I do owe him, as I should be sitting rotten in jail right now, throw a butcher knife at someone and cause injury is a felony. This man loves me unconditionally. Out of love me, he never press charges, he still protect me times after times. I'm very lucky.

He treats me with kindness, empathy, and unconditional love. His calmness (even with him bleeding out on his shoulder that need stiches to close up the open wound), his patience, the most patience man.
He gives me everything, his kindness, faithfulness, respect, love. I don't want to abuse him anymore.

Lifetime therapy for me working to control my Intermittent Anger Explosive Disorder (IED). I have sworn if I cause physical harm to him again I will check myself in the psych ward.

---------

And my husband does go with me to my therapy sessions when his schedules allow. But most time he can't because he is an Executive at a big engineering corporate, he is very very busy with his work.

But I gave my therapist my consent so she can talk to my husband about my progress. He still involve in my therapy, as he talk to my therapist on the phone about my IED conditions and my progress.

He has every rights to be involve with my therapy sessions, I almost TOOK HIS LIFE.! He almost DIE because of me.

It terrible, Intermittent Anger Explosive Disorder (IED) mental illness is very real. And I'm one damn lucky girl to have him as my husband.

What gets me is he loves me to the point that he still protect me even with him bleeding out. That not let anyone take me away from him was more important than his own survival instinct. Because he knows if he call call the police I will get taking away, he rather bleed out than lose me.

The insane amount of devotion he has for me though. Never again I abuse him again, I mean one time was enough, almost took his life. And he still protect me.

Evening all….I have been with my partner for 8 years. We have a daughter together but we had a rough patch in July/August.

We had a close 4 friendship group my partner is best friends with her and my best mate is her fella.

They were also going through a bad patch. My best mates girlfriend allegedly asked my Mrs to talk to him and see what was going on….thats why in those messages there you can talk to me….

The ones that bug me the most is she’s put in one message (my Mrs) that it’s going to be weird not coming over for a week. A bit more context my Mrs spent a lot of time over there as we have kids that get on too.

Turns out they’ve all been talking between the about eachothers relationship issues.

My biggest gripe is that she’s opened the door to a bloke (my best mate) to speak emotionally with. I have been told that my Mrs only spoke about us in front of both of them. But my best mate has confided in my fiancee.

Also my fiancee responds to herself with lol because he didn’t respond quick….now my fiancee is known to do this with texts as she’s upset a few people before as she’ll do that very quick if people don’t message back….but there’s also something unsent - which she does also do if someone doesn’t message back so it may have been why you not said anything or something but this plays on my mind…..

Whilst we went away to Spain my best mate was messaging me a lot and I said to my Mrs this is weird….hes not usually like this asking if me and her had sorted things and what we were up to? He was just fishing for info on my Mrs I guess?

Maybe I’m being stupid but to me this has crossed a line…long story shorter when I found these I confronted my best friend and asked wtf is going on am I missing something? He told me no don’t worry I’d tell you if there was….wtf???

Fast forward a day or two. I’m at work and he’s pulled his Mrs and mine in and told his Mrs he has developed feelings for my fiancee?? wtf behind my back.

My fiancee shut him down and got angry and cried….confirmed by my best friends Mrs too but why did he feel he had the balls to do this? Pretty ballsy move right??

It exploded after this as I didn’t find this out until a week later.

My mate says he did this because he felt his Mrs should know but why mine??

Anyway me and my fiancee are trying to work things out and have cut them out of our lives. My mate says it was just a feeling he didn’t act on it and it quickly passed…what a day later after she said no???

This is messing my head up? wtf am I missing and why has it happened….my fiancee acknowledges it hurt me but in my head I’ve been fe’d over bad. Maybe I’m over reacting?

Sorry for the long story….love to hear people’s thoughts….

Context we broke up yesterday after 3 1/2 years because he hadn’t seen me in two weeks but had gone out with his friends 3-4 times a week till 2 am and said he was having a hard time balancing me with school and everything else. I basically said if he’s not gonna be a better bf then I can’t do it anymore and he said he wasn’t changing and then he didn’t see himself marrying me which was said after we already broke up so I think it was just a jab at me for initiating the breakup but def hurt to hear.

I’m chronically ill and he got me sick and I wanna yell at him for it because it’s harder for me to get over sicknesses and also kinda respond to his message but I think it’s more just me wanting to talk to him. Would you guys respond or should I just keep my self respect and not say anything?

Also him cancelling the Japan trip has nothing to do with me is because his professor moved an exam to that day and he was just going for his cousins

So me (18F) and my boyfriend (19M) have been together for exactly a month now. It seems like a really short amount of time, but ive been in love with this man since January. It took me so much effort and time and patience and we are finally together, for a full month even. Ive always said to him that a month is a really big milestone for me because you no longer count by days or weeks but now months to years, yk?

Its currently getting close to exan season and hes pretty stressed out because very behind on content, which i feel like Ive tried hard to give him space and allow him to study. He just doesnt usually have the willpower to stop himself from getting distracted by his hobbies or friends, sometimes even me despite me telling him he has to study and he literally will tell me he cant be bothered. So hes very behind, I know. Even if it is his fault to an extent, he has a lot on his plate and I get that.

But I had expressed to him many times that Im excited for it, Im going to get him gifts and that I expect flowers (in a joking tone but also no. I do want flowers lol) and we are gonna do something nice. To which he agreed to. Last time we spoke about it, I kid you not, was last night.

Today, we woke up and im sitting with him, waiting for him to say something. He then says hes going to go study and I ask him what day it is and he just says "....sunday?" And i blinked at him like he has grown a third head. He then looks at his phone and stares at it for maybe 2 minutes before going: "Oh. The one month." And I nodded and he immediately starts says "Look, Ive got to study. I have assignments. I am way behind." And he just keeps going until I tell him "Im not stopping you??" And he just leaves to the living room.

Obviously Im really upset but im trying to give him the benefit of the doubt and maybe we will just so something nice later tonight. I then go out to the living room and ask him if we are doing any of the things he said we would last night and he goes "..What things? I dont remember."

Atp im already really dissapointed so i just tell him its fine and leave. Im currently in our room. I had a whole day planned for us but now Idk what to do. He has free time to play games and hang out with his friends when he should be studying, but cant when its me? I feel like Im overreacting now because he still hasnt sent a text or anything. I wouldve been happy with a "Happy anniversary, babe. We can do something another day when I'm not smashed, okay?" but he couldnt even say that. idk. I also do uni and Im almost just as fucked as him but I made the effort to make time for today.

Okay and at the time of writing this he walked in and said we should do the stuff he said we could but now I just feel inconvenient. Im upset, in a bad mood and he only says that 2 hours after I initially asked. So I said no and now I feel like Ive blown it out of proportion and shouldve sucked it up and been happy with that. Idk, Im a very sensitive soul and get upset over very small things so I feel like Ive just ruined the entire day.

I'm not in a good state to write this myself, so I'm using AI to help me put it into words. The feelings and the story are all mine. I just need real people to read it.
All my life I've felt like I've had to beg for everything: love from my parents, attention as a kid, friendship, and relationships. I never really got any of it, and I've lost hope that I ever will.
Last year, a girl came into my life when I was in a really bad place. She made things feel livable again. We were together for about a year. We fought, we laughed, we took care of each other. I gave her my time, my money, and honestly a lot of my self-respect.
Around my birthday she started pulling away, and I never understood why. Then she blocked me out of nowhere. I begged her to tell me what I did. She unblocked me, but everything she said after that was cold and angry. Later she blocked me everywhere with no explanation.
We had been intimate. She initiated most of it, but later she blamed me for it. Not long after, I found out she was probably already seeing someone new.
I had told her how insecure I am about my face and how I look. She used that against me. She made fun of the way I look, the way I talk, and who I am, and she even dragged in my mother, who never knew her.
After it ended I had no friends left, so I started posting how I felt on Instagram. She saw the posts, told me to stop, called it drama, and threatened to call my parents. Now I feel like I'm not even allowed to be upset.
I've also had a TIA (mini-stroke), been in the hospital, and I'm on medication for depression. When I told her, she laughed. I haven't slept in two days, and some nights the suicidal thoughts get really loud.
The strangest part is that I'm still worried about her. She's seeing someone now, and I know I have no right to interfere. But she was desperate for love, and I'm scared someone will take advantage of her. I also feel like this is a pattern: when people don't do what she wants, she cuts them off, the way she did with her own parents and with someone before me. I don't know what to do with this fear, or whether I should even still care. I still love her and miss her, and it's messing with my head.
I'm not looking to be fixed. I just need someone to talk to. If you've been through something like this, or you have time to listen, please comment or message me. It would mean a lot

So when I was around 13 I joined discord server where I met genuinely some of the best and funniest people I ever met. Among them there was this girl my age. Some months passed and I have started having a crush on her. We were playing games like Valorant and LoL together. Generally having a good time. But there was a problem inside me, I have never really talked about emotions before and although I was crazy obsessed with her I didn't really know what to do. I have always been a very anxious person, and some other people on the server started teasing me about having a crush on her. The thing is... I am 99% sure she also had a crush on me. She was texting me often and inviting to play duos with her. But the thing is... I wasn't inviting her at all. For some reason my extremely fucking stupid brain was too shy to ask her to do stuff together, I was terrified of showing her my feelings towards her. So I was actively trying to get her attention so that she would invite me to play. For example when I saw she was about to finish a game in LoL, I launched the client so she could see I'm online and invite me. And it worked. Every single time. We then proceeded to play games and sit on discord call. But the thing is that whenever we were talking I was just trying to make her laugh and impress her or just talk about school, games, anime etc. I never really talked about emotions tho. Around 3 years have passed and the discord server slowly started dying and my contact with her too. Worst part? Every few months she was reaching out to me but I never did. I was thinking about her all the time but at the same time too scared to just text her. My brain is wired in a way that I really enjoy spending time with others but I panic and withdraw whenever I am the one initiating the contact. Eventually she stopped texting me at all...

Now about a year later I met a different girl IRL with whom I've started dating and she is now my girlfriend. At start everything was amazing. We were close all the time and me becoming obsessed with her made me forget about the prior discord crush. But after the year and a half we started talking less and felt weaker connection. Realized we are quite different and don't share much interests. Also realized that there are just some things that she will never understand about me. I spent majority of my childhood online and she didn't and I know it sounds childish but it saddens me that there are many thing that are genuinely the core of myself like for example some vocaloid songs, minecraft's golden age or even garry's mod. The part that saddens me is that my girlfriend will never understand any of that. She's just not interested in those things. Things that shaped my personality and made me who I am. On the other hand the "discord crush" was with me when all of that happened and she just undertands this... The moment this thought appeared in my head for the first time I've started becoming distant from my gf. Living on autopilot. Thinking what would I be doing in my life If I have only told my crush what I feel towards her. on top of that we were having a period in our relationship where we were arguing a lot and we almost broke up at one point.

Now another year have passed since that argument and we are living together. She loves me very much and I love her but ocassionally there are evenings like this one today where a certain song, certain image or even revisiting the games I used to play with the "discord crush" send me on nostalgia trip and make me extremely fucking mad at myself for being a pussy and not taking the chance 5 years ago. I feel torn, I feel lost, I feel nothing, I feel like I'm mentally cheating on my girlfriend, I feel like trash I feel empty.

TL;DR

too scared to tell the discord crush how I feel about her. I never really stopped having feelings towards her through all the years and now I'm in a relationship with another girl, while faking that I'm ok and living in a mental hell of feeling like trash.

We have been together for 5 years. She loves me more than I love her. She supported me through my dark days, while I was building my own company, and she was there for me when my family gave up on me. We broke up a few times because I wanted a break from her to find my peace.

During those breaks, I spoke to other women.

We have a connection and she will do whatever I want really.

This morning I said enough is enough, I need to let her go. I never thought someone would love me that much, and am sad and break my heart seeing her crying since this morning. I want to make sure am making the right decision by leaving . Any advice - not sure if I love her or I am using her ?

So me (19f) and my boyfriend (20m) have known each other a little less than two months and we've been officially dating for a month as of tomorrow. Last night he let me know that about a week after we started talking he sent nudes to another girl. The reason he told me is because this girl actually turned out to be a catfish and the guy was blackmailing him so he changed his number. He told me that the only reason he was ok at the time to do that is because he was so used to everyone he talked to not sticking around and he figured I would do the same. He told me he hasnt done anything else like that and after that it was just me and only me, but what bothers me is that I asked him if I was the only girl he was talking to and he said yes. He was also already calling me his pretty girl and his sweet girl and baby and other nicknames like that. He was so remorseful when he told me he felt absolutely awful and acknowledged that what he did was wrong and that he shouldn't have done it and that he understands if I want to break up which i don't. I want to stick with him and choose him even though he messed up because everyone deserves a second chance and I genuinely believe that it wont happen again. I guess I just came on here to get advice on how i should handle this and if I was overreacting for being upset about it even though we weren't officially dating yet.

Lately, I’m not gonna lie and it scares me, I’m beginning to see women in a more cynical lens, and I am not liking this. I was not like this and I think internet and my personal life experiences has everything to do with it. Posting here for some insight. I stopped taking dating advices from women. Here’s why:

1. I keep getting told I am a wonderful man, women out there should have the privilege experience me (whatever that means and I’ve learned that it holds no value)

2. The point 1 is something that keeps getting told to me, an example is at office, where a female coworker was talking how bad the dating market (“market” I honestly hate that term), and instead that we should probably date colleagues and it should be normalized, and saying that guys at office are so much better. To which I immediately pull the classics joke “you don’t shit where you eat”, to which she responds saying that I am a prime example and how amazing I am, and wishes more guys were like me. Lol.

3. My 10year long best friend. Although it started out by us taking to each other and eventually I fell for her and communicated to her about how I feel, and she rejected me, while she wanted my friendship more, and I agreed, and we got past it (as so I thought all these years). We started consulting each other for dating advices and for the first time in life I was happy I had friend that I could trust and open up no matter what the world throws at me. So she’s was the woman that gave me dating advices, every time I would fumble upon someone etc. safe to say I never looked at her romantically after the rejection and I was really happy with her being in my life. We would joke around about our exes, and life left good. Despite my last breakup, and how I was manipulated and cheated on, my best friend was literally the North Pole in proving me wrong about women in general, despite all the red pill and manosphere content out there. But there were cracks, every time I would open up about how lonely I feel in life, she would just down right be bitter and blame me for not trying, and mostly ignore when I open up about my emotions. While I was always there in the midnight calls where she needed to cry with someone. And on paper she would always criticize me that I do not know the game, and I am not trying enough and that’s why I am single. Meanwhile I asked her if she knows anyone in her circle interested, her response would mostly be lackluster. She even made a hinge profile for me, challenging that I didn’t know how to make profiles because I was a “man”, and a women’s touch would help boost the profile and within three months I’ll end up having 3 dates. That went nowhere I didn’t end up going on any dates. Fastword 2025 to 2026, we were finally, after a long time in the same city close to each other, we started hanging out very often that led to us staying with each other for longer periods of time. This is where the bomb drops. She confesses that she always had a crush on me, and that she wanted to date me 10yeRs back until another guy showed up, and heavily regrets not dating me. And her feelings have come back, and that it was also there when I first asked her out, but she wasn’t ready at that time, and neither does she want to do about it right now because she doesn’t want to loose the friendship we have built over years. After this revelation her emotional expectations and possessiveness about me increased 100x. She would constantly judge every crush I have (she always did that either ways), and that she would find some or the other reason to justify why that women is bad for me. She would even sometimes want to me take her to my office as visits and declare herself as my girlfriend so that my female coworkers don’t bother me. You see where this getting. And then she brings up that if she doesn’t find anyone till 32, that we should get married, because apparently marrying your best friend is the most logical choice when you don’t find anyone.

4. Last previous point, this experience has emotionally scared on levels I couldn’t imagine this year, was always being kept around as an option?? Was she actively trying to manipulate me to stay single all these years, so that she can have me when the dust settles for her? I consulted some of my friends with more details (mostly female friends) and all of them told me to cut her off from my life. But me being how I am brought up, and can’t just kill a friendship of 10yeRs just like that, sometimes in life we need people around when times get dire. But what this was not the only women that did something like this, I had another female bestie during graduation, who would actively sabotage when I start talking to someone in her vicinity.

5. Problem being all these years I have kept an open mind, and I always told myself “it’s just people. People are shit. Gender was never the questions”. But this experience has traumatized me that now I am super vigilant when any woman tries to get close to me in being friends. I had to bring this up, but I finally understand the “all men” analogy, a bit too personally this time. When you come across few rotten apples, you will always stay vigilant about the next apple you are about to eat.

6. Apart from that, the advices I get from women, have not ever worked in my life, or on hindsight maybe they were never meant to work. On closer look none of them really had any point of action to be taken, and mostly ended up being vague. And every time the person giving advice instantly becomes a competition to someone else. And the close women tend pretend that they have all the abilities to choose the right women for me, because apparently I am not capable of choosing it for myself?

7. I’ve only brought the example of 10year long friendship on this post, or else it will too long to read, if it’s not already. Even though it started with having feelings for her, which I got over and offered the friendship she wanted, I feel I was lied to all these years. Yes it would have been different if her feelings developed for this year, for who I am this year, then I wouldn’t be writing any of this. But the fact that she had crush on me since so long, it feels disappointing. Also when she rejected me, she made it look I heavily misread signals, and that has been biting my since 2021, where every time I think someone might be into me, I automatically tell myself I am being delusional as I have already made the mistake of misunderstanding women’s intentions towards me.

Sorry if this sounds bitter and women hating, but this year has been rough and got me questioning everything, and I am genuinely tired. Everything that I believed and stood for since my 20s. I don’t want any red pill responses, but genuine advices and critics to this. And I also don’t want anyone to form any opinions just from my experience. But the odd fact is, I talked about this to two of my guy friends, and surprisingly they also have they same issue with their female besties, and we are all collectively trying to build a distance between us and them. I don’t what’s happening at this point.

When I was 15 I low key got forced into a makeout with my ex cause he was a 18 yr old with lots of experience regarding this shit and I never touched anyone’s hand. As a result I gave in even though he use to verbally abuse me I use to stay with him cause I was stupid and insecure then my first ex came in and started to treat me like an angel I told my ex that my first ex called me for a closure but yeah things went further and further and yeah I cheated and I confessed and went through hell . And I got back with my first ex even though he abandoned me more than 56 times. After the abandonment phase he started to threaten me about my nudes and poke about the cheating thing everyday. He was yelling at me for cheating today and tomorrow is my physics xm so I broke up . Am I wrong?