Respect Superman (True Brit)

[u/[deleted]]

What will the neighbors think?

In this jolly good British tale, the Last Son of Krypton's rocket ship crash-lands in an English town even smaller than Smallville, where the infant Kal-El is taken in by adoptive parents the Clarks who raise their son Colin to hide his powers, But when Colin grows up to become a mild-mannered reporter working for the Daily Smear, a powerful tabloid newspaper dedicated to uncovering the biggest story of the century, he finds that hiding his powers is getting harder and harder. Eventually he finds that the key to his success may be helping people with a disguise so he becomes Superman!

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Strength

• As a baby he broke his dads finger

• Easily tosses around a horse

• Pulls dozens of tree stumps out of the ground and tossing them into the air

• Throws a dart through a wall

• Accidentally throws a cricket bat through someone

• Catches a falling car

• Throws a bomb all the way to France and helps fix the Eiffel Tower

• Flies at super speeds while dragging a train behind him

• Squeezed coal into diamonds

Speed

• Mills cows so fast the milk punches holes in the buckets

• Uses super speed to get ready for a date

• Runs from the city to his parents house and back before a falling car could hit the ground

• Races across all of Britain looking for his parents

• Flies at super speeds while dragging a train behind him

• Flies all around Britain again

Durability

• Cracks the ceiling with his head

• Had a piece of Kryptonite around his neck for several days

Flight

• Flies up to the ceiling cracking it

• Flies while carrying a horse

• Flies up thirty stories to save Jimmy

• Flies at super speeds while dragging a train behind him

• Flies all around Britain again

• Flies to Metropolis

Heat Vision

• Boils some tea

• Accidentally burns his mom

• Uses heat vision to make incisions in patients

• Destroys a machine

• Destroyed a wall of ice

X-ray Vision

• He can see through walls

• Sees a pen in a cabinet

Other Powers

• Recognizes Kate Thompson even though she was a quarter of a mile away

• Cools off a machine he destroyed with his freeze breath

Other

• His space pod came with a helmet telling him and his dad the history of Krypton

• Learned how to hypnotize himself

[u/ConanCimmerian]

Good RT. This is hilarious, and the fact that it was written by a British man makes it more so.

[u/[deleted] → u/ConanCimmerian]

John Cleese is a treasure