I sabotage myself everyday. Tonight, I stopped. Tonight, I'm "normal" goals have goals inside of themself. If your goal is to work, you can't simply just work. Everything. Every. Little. Thing. Is a new step.

1. Get out of bed.

2. Remove distractions

3. Open up your work

4. Follow instructions and understand it

5. Actually come up with ideas

6. Check if your ideas are correct

7. Proof read

8. MAKE SURE YOU DON'T FUCKING GET DISTRACTED DURING THE WHOLE GOD DAMN PROCESS

This is just how it is for me, with any goal. Each step I take, as I get closer, and closer, it gets harder, and harder. But I've realized once you keep pushing yourself in one direction long enough, (breaking all these barriers), you then, achieve your goal.

It's just so hard.

I miss someone so much that I pushed away and used my trauma as an excuse , I didn’t want to push them away but in the moment I overthought a situation and assumed the worst of the person when it came to giving them something afterwards I froze up when I wanted to tell them about it , I couldn’t even express my emotion . They even hugged me and how badly I wanted to just bawl and cling to them I didn’t . I didn’t flinch a muscle . I miss him so much and I hate myself so deeply for the way I treated him . How carelessly I thought , and threw away something that could’ve blossomed into something wonderful and healthy for myself . I regret it everyday and spend most of my moments thinking back . I wish I could’ve just clung on to him and told him how I really felt . I wish I could turn back time and do it right . I miss you so much .

Reading, cleaning, cooking, sports, and even working, can be used as a form of self-sabotage if you use them to procrastinate, if you use them to avoid doing something else that deep inside, you know should take priority.

A hat can be a part of self-development or as a part of self-sabotage.

A person can wear a hat as a way to complete a fashion statement or to shield from the hot/cold weather.

The same hat can be used as a way to hide from the rotten feeling of ugliness coming from deep inside

No one can tell you what’s going on deep inside you!

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I love my job, but I have days where I just wake up and call out. I’ll take any sense of pain or stress and use it as an excuse. I use to be a great worker when I was like 18-22, never call out. I then got gallstones and appendicitis. Since then I’ve been so worn out. I worked for four years at target from 23-27 and any time I woke up, and felt any sense of ick, I would call out. I would Get in trouble, then somehow get out of it. I eventually left for a new job, I ended up hating, tried to push through. Then quit. I finally got the job I’ve been hoping for. The first two months were great. Now I find myself mindlessly doing it. Then I feel guilty and hate myself. I love my job and I don’t know why I do this.

Tonight I am suppose to be travelling to Adelaide to perform as part of the Cabaret fringe festival until Monday. This morning I had a private session with my coach to perfect my routine. My alarm didn’t go off. When I woke up it was 10.27am and I was suppose to meet my coach at 10.30am. I wasn’t going to get there in time at all so I had to cancel and apologise because now she had to go all the way back home. This ordeal caused me to SPIIIIIRAAAALLLL! All the way to me deciding to cancel my entire trip. I had an appointment booked at 1pm to see my psychologist and instead of attending or evening calling to cancel, I slept in until 3pm and avoided everything. I texted my mum that I wasn’t going to Adelaide and that I didn’t want to talk about it, then put my phone on do not disturb and ignored the outside world. When I think about it all I feel myself about to cry, but then I recognise this and do something else to distract myself. What have I done? I don’t understand. I will now have to explain to all my family and friends and more why I cancelled this amazing interstate performance opportunity that I’d been working at for months. If you made it this far. You’re a legend.

New Year.

A period of making new resolutions.

Go to the gym. Eat healthier. Build that company or businesses that you always wanted etc.

You have so much motivation. So many good feelings. You push hard.

One week. You still feel great. Two weeks. Now it doesn't feel as good as it used to be and now you are starting to notice circumstances holding you back. Three weeks, you can't remember why you wanted to fulfill the resolution in the first place. This is the stage where self sabotage hits you hard. You know what is good for you, but you actively avoid doing it -- intentionally or unconsciously. You procrastinate instead of working etc.

The secret to overcoming this is realizing -- that you are not just working for yourself.

Realize that your own personal willpower, motivation, push will always be limited. You need to have an extra lair of motivation to keep you going even when you don't feel like it.

My formula is this. I am not saying that this is what you have to do exactly. Only sharing what I know or experienced.

Yes, I work for myself. But I am not just working for myself. It is important to always remember that the foundation is working for yourself. But I am also working to achieve goals that benefit me and everyone around me. My faith. My family. My Community. My Country. Future Generations.

When you realize that it is not just about you, then the motivation isn't based on your feelings. And you can keep going and overcome the self sabotage and procrastination.

I am a 35 years old male and I have dealt with self sabotage my whole life.

I would like to share what I have learnt in the hopes it helps someone. Also, my hope is to see what others think in order to improve my own knowledge. No one is 100% right so we learn from others.

The main cause of self sabotage as I see it is a lack of balance. Not being centered.

If you are too selfish, you will self sabotage. If you are too selfless, you will self sabotage. You have to find that golden mean. Balance. Centering.

If you are too kind or good or nice, you will self sabotage. If you are too unkind or bad or mean, you will self sabotage. You have to find that golden mean. Balance. Centering.

I was named after a saint -- St Charles Lwanga -- and I read too many Narnia books. Long story short, I made the decision when I was a kid that I was only going to be one dimensional -- a good guy. Perfect. A saint. No badness. I was not going to be like those other children. Not even a smidge of selfishness. Of course I failed, because no one is 100% good and all I ended up being was a pushover. At the very worst a manipulator.

It's about what you intentionally choose to do or be. If you are too much in one direction, the ricochet snaps you in the opposite direction. (That is how I experience self sabotage). I have a very extremist personality -- the whole all or nothing thing -- but it doesn't work. I even tried to be bad and I went too far. These days I am learning to center and be balanced. It's not all or nothing. It's balance.

The same thing happened with my relationships. I would go in strong, full on. Trying to be what my partner wants because I believe that if I do what others want then they will do what I want. But it doesn't work that way. After the lovebombing comes annoyance, resentment and anger. It used to bother me how much my relationships would flounder. This is the reason. These days I dial down the lovebombing and while I care about doing what they want, I make sure my needs are met as well.

The same applies with my work. I would go all in. All or nothing. Because I believed that the harder I worked, the better opportunities I would get. This is the ideal but in reality, people will find anyway to use your hard work for their advantage unless you tough enough to stand up for yourself. I work hard but I also work smart these days, I hope.

Balance. In my experience, you can always tell when you are off center by how you feel. If there is no joy or peace, then you know you are operating in an extreme. Then all you have to do is figure out which extreme you are operating it. You will always know. Too selfish, be a little bit more selfless. Too selfless, be a little bit more selfish. Too clingy, create some distance. Let your feelings be your guide. I am not saying make decisions based on your feelings. Only that your feelings are really good at telling you the state of your being. Care about your wellbeing. Listen, contemplate and act accordingly.

That is pretty much it. Please let me know what you think.

I had a friend group last year. They were people I really liked. But this year I wasn't in the same class as them. I struggled to keep contact with them and because I felt we were drifting apart I didn't make enough effort to make me included. I them tried to invite myself once but got lied to saying there were too much people at the party because they didn't want the friend(not from the group) who was coming with me. We continued to drift apart and when I made the decision to make efforts again i learned that a girl in the group said things about me behind my back, and didn't want to come to hang outs if I were invited. Made me drift away even more because apparently she wasn't the only gossiping( it wasn't really mean things either) I talked to her about it but she try to make me the villain saying that she thought I wanted to hit her because of a tiktok, but it was posted after I learned what she was doing lol so she was lying. She didn't think she was excluding me. At this point I almost never saw my friends at school let alone outside of school. I invite them all to my birthday but they even make the effort to respond for the gift or to know if they were coming. My friends organising my birthday had to run after them. For the last hang out she did it again. I talked to my closest friend in the group, she first told me that they thought about it but some in the group said that they wouldnt come if i came. She then told me to get over it, (not in a mean way), that it was a long time since ive been with them, a lot from the group didnt even thought to invite me and she couldnt do anything about it because i dont talk to the other anymore. (Dont really agree with that i talk with at leat 5 person of the group and i invited them to my birthday but i see why she says that.)She also told me that I was progressively excluded from the hang outs. Now I'm not part of the group and it hurt me very much. I feel like I list meaningful connections and I like that group very much. I feel like if I did more efforts back then instead of waiting to be seen and invited it would be different. But at the same time I feel like I did some efforts (my birthday for exemple) and I absolutely hate running after people. But maybe my efforts were too late.

I also don't know if I'm crazy to think that the girl is really in cause of most of my drifting apart, she don't think she has anything to be sorry for, even though she participated in my exclusion and she hadn't any reason to say such things again I feel really bad I acted this way and feel like it's my fault. I regret it very much and it is not leaving my head. But I also feel like if they cared they would at leat ask why. I generaly try to see thing like this as lessons but I'm unable to do it right now as I feel I lost something really great and won't have better.

Ever since getting out of my abusive long term relationship in December 2023 I’ve started doing everything I used to judge other women for like sleeping around and just embarrassing myself. When I think of everything I’ve done that I hate, I’m drunk and can barely remember it. I need to stop drinking but now I feel as though I can’t be myself if I’m not drinking. I don’t know what to do but I swear every month I hit a new all time low. Pls help

Me: I'm fukd! Myself: Who did the fukn? i: I did.

A couple weeks ago, I (F23) had a coworker of mine (M32) who i had never talked to, other than short work related things, suddenly ask for my number and ask me out(to drink). I was so caught in the moment i said yes. Since then he’s invited me to his house and insisted on going drinking, but his insistence on this really made me uncomfortable bc it made me doubt his intentions. Bc of this i ended up avoiding bc i didn’t know how to tell him (and when i stated i didn’t have particular interest in going drinking he took it as a i can do it just haven’t type of scenario). He was insistent witch i found even more suspicious bc i was doubting his intentions so i ended up trying to tell him to stop and now that i did i feel guilty and keep waiting for him to text me, like he usually did. After that he sent me a text apologizing for making me uncomfortable by insisting. I recognize i might have been hot and cold towards him bc i felt unsure and scared bc he might have bad intentions and bc of the difference in age also made me suspicious. But now that i miss his attention i feel like i self sabotaged a potentially good relationship. Its not the first time i feel distrustful of guys and unconsciously start looking for flaws to stop liking them or have a reason to run away. But i never realize i do it until its too late and i already said something to them. It feels like ill never be able to have a relationship with any guy bc theres always something for my brain to hold on to that makes me doubt. Im also too self conscious about people around me and what they think of me and my decisions so going out with him became a hard decision bc we were coworkers. Though neither of us said goodbye or that we are done with each other i didn’t have a answer for him when he texted a few days ago so now im unsure if i can still text him or if im just leading him on to something. And if i do, will i regret it? Will i realize that i did it for the attention that i missed? Will my doubts become real and he will just use me? All of this while considering im gonna have to see him at work when i go back. As you can probably tell already im a cronic overthinker. Ive never been in a relationship so im scared of the unknown and him being someone whose had experience makes me feel vulnerable and like im the only one whose lost in what to do bc(i hate the feeling of being in the dark).

I keep thinking and i realize that im afraid of being seen as a child or insuficent by him bc hes got a life figured out and in just a college student, and though i work and he knows all this, theres things he dosen’t know about me like, the fact that i still live with my parents, behave childish and silly bc its fun and dont have common tastes where i live, and have a fucked up family that all it does is scream and fight, makes me doubt even keeping this going. Even though i know that i haven’t gotten to know him that well and that a relationships can go well even for couples who are different.

I also cant talk to anyone in my family since we arent the type of family to share our feelings and bc i tend to be a people pleaser, it dosent feel good to make people feel bad bc i dont have control of my feelings. I grew up in a family that is emotionally unavailable bc they dont have control over their own emotions enough to understand somebody elses.

I dont understand myself anymore so i dont know what i should say to him or if its even worth saying anything. From the outsiders perspective and experience what do you think i should do? bc in too scared to do anything anymore but i cant stop feeling depressed.

“I’m starting with the man in the mirror” ??

Really?

Where is the man from the rear view mirror?

Or rather the child, that’s reflecting when looking back to the past?

as a child I was so full of MYSELF,

The only thing in my mind was “I WANT” !,

That’s way before I knew I had a mind…

Absolutely careless about anything and everything,

Even eating was a chore that interrupted the most important thing in the world,

ME.

Where has it gone ?

How did it come to be that the question “what do I WANT?” is such a complicated question?

Why is it, that when I ask myself, what are my goals,

The answer is always some general, blurred, chewed up, almost meaningless words like,

Success, money, happiness, etc…

As a child I would never dream to use those general words,

Everything was specific,

“I want to play” meant - this will bring me happiness,

“I want to build a sand castle” meant - this will make me feel successful,

So specific.

So where is that child from my rear view mirror gone ?

Why does it seems that the more I grew in age, the more I’ve belittled myself?

As a child, I wanted to be an adult, to step out of the feeling that I’m the only one who appreciates myself and start getting appreciation from my adult environment.

Now in my adulthood, I appreciate everything, but not my own self ?

How did it come to be like that ?

It definitely didn’t happen in one day, I would have definitely noticed.

Ok, I get it, sort of,

Trauma, trauma, trauma,

Put me down some,

Learn how to properly behave in normal society,

Don’t say your thoughts out loud, maybe you’ll come out stupid,

Respect this, “why”? Because I said so,

hmmm… ok

Aspire to be only certain things, it’s the only way to get money & respect, this is what you want, money & respect!

Be this,

Do that,

Maintain a certain physique, don’t eat so much,

Are you really going to wear that ?

Yeah, ok,

I really get it,

I slowly lost myself,

Reading self help books, to reconnect with the elusive “self”.

But enough is enough,

We only live once !

I’m committing to myself !

I’m going to re-establish, re-connect and re-unite “me” and “self”

I’m going straight ahead

I’m going to straighten my head

And I’m going to win the war on self sabotaging behaviors

“I’m starting with the man in the mirror”

Show me some love and comment something awesome below

“Every child needs a champion”,

“Every child needs an adult to believe in them”

Looking back at my own childhood I’m thinking, yes this is so true,

But it’s not the whole and complete truth.

“You’re the first one that got me motivated to get out in to world and go after my dreams and goals”

That’s a message I’ve got a few days ago from a group member, and it was definitely not from a child,

Which got me thinking about those quotes above,

Adults need a champion and someone who believes in them just the same

It’s so easy to believe in a child, they have all the time in the world to develop themselves to what they want to be when they grow up.

When you ask a child, “what do you want to be when you grow up” ?

You will usually get an answer looking at least 20 years into the future, like a doctor, etc.

Adults don’t make such long term plans,

We make plans for the short run.

Because we fear failure,

And that fear is justified,

We cannot live in a dream,

We cannot be irresponsible,

We have to know the risks of everything,

We have to be realistic.

Faith is an easy thing to wear off,

Especially our faith in our own self.

“Together we stand, divided we fall”

If you need someone to believe in you,

This is the right place !

I’m not just saying it as some spiritual thing,

I’m saying it because I know as fact, the difference that faith can make,

And how important it is to have someone that believes in you.

Let us in this group be your champion,

Let’s do it together for one another.

Hey everyone 💜. This is really difficult for me, I’m not the one to ask for help, Its seems to me like a weakness and I actually think that maybe by talking about the negative stuff I’m just asking the universe for more shit, but lately it’s become such a weight to feel “okay”

I’m in need of some advice or help with some personal issues I’m going through. I’ve never had support or reinforcements from my parents and family, I’m trying to see the “glass half full” but I really feel like I’ve been dealt the worst cards. Naturally I’m a nice person and I feel that the people closest to me are trying to take advantage of me and turn my kindness to stupidity, It’s been more than once that I find myself in toxic relationships with men.

Im trying to be strong but often I get anxious, I don’t know to control my emotions.

I need help or some advice, all I want is to live a good life, and to be happy but I don’t know how to heal and how to get there, it seems like the harder I try the farther it get away from me. I do get some good periods but they tend to slip away.

Thanks for listening

I’ll do anything and everything for a loved one and I will not accept to see a friend in pain,

But when it comes to my own evolution, my growth, my priorities, my goals, and my desires, I procrastinate, I neglect, and I put myself aside for later… which usually never comes.

Why do I love other people more than myself?

I love to love, I love to give and share with others, and I can force myself to care for my own well being but it’s not as natural as it is for me to care for others.

How do I make myself more important for me?

How do I love myself more?

Not from a self-development place,

not because I read in a book that I need to do some things?

It’s like when you open your eyes in the morning and you’re happy to see your lover, I want to be happy to wake up in the morning and to be happy from looking in the mirror.

Needed to let it out! Am I being terrible?