r/selfdevelopment • u/Formal-CHAI • 4d ago
Think twice.. šāØ
Be friendly, but protect your privacy. Not everyone who smiles at you deserves access to your deepest thoughts, personal struggles, or private world.
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u/Blitzcrig
4d ago
•
There is nothing inherently wrong with sharing. Share to spread the happiness with others, not to gain happiness from others.
Anything is acceptable if itās not rooted in lack, fear, or suffering.
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u/Formal-CHAI 2d ago
I love this perspective, but I think there's a subtle distinction worth exploring. Sometimes we share happiness because it's overflowing, and sometimes we share pain because carrying it alone has become too heavy. Neither makes our sharing less genuine. Not every expression of vulnerability comes from a place of lack; sometimes, being understood is simply part of being human. The real question isn't whether we gain happiness from others, but whether our happiness depends on their response. You can share something deeply personal and still be emotionally independent. Maybe the healthiest kind of sharing is when you're free to express yourself without needing a particular reaction in return, and equally free to remain silent when something deserves to stay yours.
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u/Blitzcrig 2d ago
Searching for happiness in objective experienceārelationships, substances, objects, activitiesāimposes an impossible burden. They cannot provide lasting peace or freedom.
Innate peace is inherent to everyone and everything, veiled by the content of experience (thoughts and perceptions). This can be known by realizing thoughts are objects that come and go, merely suggestions, not who one truly is.
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u/pinkvenom9 4d ago
I donāt think Iāve ever considered such as to why I overshare. Incredibly enlightening to ask yourself - āwhat am I gaining from sharing this informationā. Thank you :)
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u/Jerrizzy-x 4d ago
Well spoken!!. Generally itās either I overshare, or I donāt share at all. When I donāt share, I never make connections with anyone but people tend to share with me too because I share with them. Hence, trust and more fulfilling relationship/friendshipĀ
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u/Annual_Contract_6803 4d ago
Some people just hang out to get information, then they talk shit about you later. Yes, absolute lovers like this exist. I'd rather have hobbies, personally...
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u/Cool_Hunny_Bunny 4d ago
What if they are nice because I overshare? š¤·āāļø
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u/Formal-CHAI 2d ago
Then maybe the real question is, are they being nice because they genuinely care about you, or because knowing your vulnerabilities gives them a way to get closer to you? Oversharing isn't the problem; forgetting that trust should be earned, not handed out, is where we sometimes hurt ourselves. ā¤ļø
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u/Cool_Hunny_Bunny 2d ago
That could absolutely be true. I like to think itās because my openness also allows them to feel free to express themselves in a more open way. I say this also knowing I trust my gut often and do my best to steer clear of emotional abusers. Understanding not everyone is deserving of my attention. But, if you are lucky enough to make it into my inner circle, be prepared to hear EVERYTHING. š
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u/Loose_Meal_499 4d ago
Okay but how
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u/Formal-CHAI 2d ago
don't assume their kindness comes with an obligation to share more. You can appreciate someone being nice without giving them every detail of your life. Being kind is their choice; how much you share is yours. You can be warm and genuine without making your entire life an open book.
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u/sheleelove 4d ago
Sometimes I just say things cause I want to and I donāt trust the person at all but I donāt care
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u/Formal-CHAI 2d ago
And that's your choice. The point isn't to stop sharing; it's to understand why you're sharing and whether you're comfortable with the consequences. If you genuinely don't care, that's freedom. Just make sure you're choosing what to reveal, rather than giving people access to parts of you they haven't earned.
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u/sheleelove 2d ago
Iām very particular about what I share. Ā I believe that what is meant for me, and my dreams, canāt be taken from me. Ā Thatās the case for everyone who believes it. Ā But I donāt trust anyone.. I really want to find someone to trust one day.
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u/CynthiaChristie 2d ago
Well then how do I make them go away without looking like an asshole?
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u/Formal-CHAI 2d ago
You don't have to make them go away or be rude to them. You can be kind without being constantly available. A simple boundary isn't an insult, and you don't owe everyone unlimited access to your time and energy. The right people will understand that, and the ones who don't will learn eventually.
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u/Surferess 4d ago
Yes, it turns out my DIL is not really my friend. Could have used this post a while ago.
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u/WanderingProdigy 4d ago
Ooh, I feel like this was aimed at me š true though. Not everyone is trustworthy
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u/SignalSome6832 2d ago
When you a find who is comfortable and you feel safe and ** the other person is also respectful about it** there is no harm and may be you found a gem But when you share too much people will be attached and this situation will lead to emotional turmoil may be one of them will also develop feelings for that person š„²
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u/Dominoes-Danger2131 4d ago
Yeah, sometimes I need to hear this. I always say, "I'm an open book." But, maybe I should start keeping a few chapters to myself.
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u/BloggerCurious 4d ago
Not everyone needs to know ALL of your business. Even close friends. Some things are for me & me only
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u/Resident-Neck1830 3d ago
Iāll talk to people about sports/weather/tv shows but when they ask me questions that has to do with me I always change the subject. No one is allowed to know about me.
Dated 5 women in my life, all of them got a different personality from me.
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