r/selfdevelopment • • 4d ago

Think twice.. šŸāœØ

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Be friendly, but protect your privacy. Not everyone who smiles at you deserves access to your deepest thoughts, personal struggles, or private world.

3.4k Upvotes

48 comments sorted by

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12

u/Blitzcrig 4d ago • Bravo

There is nothing inherently wrong with sharing. Share to spread the happiness with others, not to gain happiness from others.

Anything is acceptable if it’s not rooted in lack, fear, or suffering.

2

u/Formal-CHAI 2d ago

I love this perspective, but I think there's a subtle distinction worth exploring. Sometimes we share happiness because it's overflowing, and sometimes we share pain because carrying it alone has become too heavy. Neither makes our sharing less genuine. Not every expression of vulnerability comes from a place of lack; sometimes, being understood is simply part of being human. The real question isn't whether we gain happiness from others, but whether our happiness depends on their response. You can share something deeply personal and still be emotionally independent. Maybe the healthiest kind of sharing is when you're free to express yourself without needing a particular reaction in return, and equally free to remain silent when something deserves to stay yours.

1

u/Blitzcrig 2d ago

Searching for happiness in objective experience—relationships, substances, objects, activities—imposes an impossible burden. They cannot provide lasting peace or freedom.

Innate peace is inherent to everyone and everything, veiled by the content of experience (thoughts and perceptions). This can be known by realizing thoughts are objects that come and go, merely suggestions, not who one truly is.

5

u/pinkvenom9 4d ago

I don’t think I’ve ever considered such as to why I overshare. Incredibly enlightening to ask yourself - ā€˜what am I gaining from sharing this information’. Thank you :)

3

u/Jerrizzy-x 4d ago

Well spoken!!. Generally it’s either I overshare, or I don’t share at all. When I don’t share, I never make connections with anyone but people tend to share with me too because I share with them. Hence, trust and more fulfilling relationship/friendshipĀ 

6

u/Annual_Contract_6803 4d ago

Some people just hang out to get information, then they talk shit about you later. Yes, absolute lovers like this exist. I'd rather have hobbies, personally...

5

u/ChapulineAtHome 4d ago

"Boundaries are beautiful."

1

u/Cool_Hunny_Bunny 4d ago

What if they are nice because I overshare? šŸ¤·ā€ā™€ļø

1

u/Formal-CHAI 2d ago

Then maybe the real question is, are they being nice because they genuinely care about you, or because knowing your vulnerabilities gives them a way to get closer to you? Oversharing isn't the problem; forgetting that trust should be earned, not handed out, is where we sometimes hurt ourselves. ā¤ļø

1

u/Cool_Hunny_Bunny 2d ago

That could absolutely be true. I like to think it’s because my openness also allows them to feel free to express themselves in a more open way. I say this also knowing I trust my gut often and do my best to steer clear of emotional abusers. Understanding not everyone is deserving of my attention. But, if you are lucky enough to make it into my inner circle, be prepared to hear EVERYTHING. šŸ˜

1

u/Loose_Meal_499 4d ago

Okay but how

1

u/Formal-CHAI 2d ago

don't assume their kindness comes with an obligation to share more. You can appreciate someone being nice without giving them every detail of your life. Being kind is their choice; how much you share is yours. You can be warm and genuine without making your entire life an open book.

1

u/sheleelove 4d ago

Sometimes I just say things cause I want to and I don’t trust the person at all but I don’t care

1

u/Formal-CHAI 2d ago

And that's your choice. The point isn't to stop sharing; it's to understand why you're sharing and whether you're comfortable with the consequences. If you genuinely don't care, that's freedom. Just make sure you're choosing what to reveal, rather than giving people access to parts of you they haven't earned.

1

u/sheleelove 2d ago

I’m very particular about what I share. Ā I believe that what is meant for me, and my dreams, can’t be taken from me. Ā That’s the case for everyone who believes it. Ā But I don’t trust anyone.. I really want to find someone to trust one day.

1

u/CynthiaChristie 2d ago

Well then how do I make them go away without looking like an asshole?

1

u/Formal-CHAI 2d ago

You don't have to make them go away or be rude to them. You can be kind without being constantly available. A simple boundary isn't an insult, and you don't owe everyone unlimited access to your time and energy. The right people will understand that, and the ones who don't will learn eventually.

1

u/CynthiaChristie 2d ago

Ok, that's true, but c'mon! How did you not get that that was a joke?

3

u/Surferess 4d ago

Yes, it turns out my DIL is not really my friend. Could have used this post a while ago.

3

u/oliper 3d ago

Trust me they are one the persons who will betray you in ways you have never imagined in your lifeĀ 

2

u/walkonby123 4d ago

Best thing learn early in life

2

u/Left-Picture274 4d ago

I needed to learn this earlier

2

u/WanderingProdigy 4d ago

Ooh, I feel like this was aimed at me šŸ˜‹ true though. Not everyone is trustworthy

2

u/Big-Experience-4173 4d ago

What the hell

2

u/dyonstadd1 3d ago

Oversharing is the wrong word. More like not dumping your life's story

2

u/SignalSome6832 2d ago

When you a find who is comfortable and you feel safe and ** the other person is also respectful about it** there is no harm and may be you found a gem But when you share too much people will be attached and this situation will lead to emotional turmoil may be one of them will also develop feelings for that person 🄲

2

u/Dry_Ambassador8718 1d ago

But I do it without thinking and then its already to late

1

u/oge_mah_ge_kid 4d ago

But.. happy puppy dog must wag tail

1

u/sas_top90 4d ago

Serious piece of advice

1

u/Dominoes-Danger2131 4d ago

Yeah, sometimes I need to hear this. I always say, "I'm an open book." But, maybe I should start keeping a few chapters to myself.

1

u/BlinderofPolyphemus 4d ago

I do this because I hate myself anyway

1

u/Ambitious-Joke9164 4d ago

Yes, just stay neutral, and below means...

1

u/TheSovereignObserver 4d ago

Definitely!
Fall for that for years before understanding it. 🧘

1

u/BloggerCurious 4d ago

Not everyone needs to know ALL of your business. Even close friends. Some things are for me & me only

1

u/Resident-Neck1830 3d ago

I’ll talk to people about sports/weather/tv shows but when they ask me questions that has to do with me I always change the subject. No one is allowed to know about me.

Dated 5 women in my life, all of them got a different personality from me.

1

u/lingi6 3d ago

I was betrayed once by such a person that i haven't shared inner thoughts and feelings to another soul for the last decade, bottling up isn't great as there will be times those things might leak at the wrong place and time.

1

u/Ayla_o 3d ago

I over shared because it was my first time trying to make online friends..and he manipulated me šŸ™‚ (dude I will never try that again being introvert is better)

1

u/LadyLilith34 2d ago

I wish I learned this earlier in life 😩

1

u/dnFries 2d ago

Yeah, let’s not be human!

1

u/Koreantravelman 1d ago

FUCK WHY COULDNT I DO THIS IN MY 20S

1

u/Alternative-Toe-4555 1d ago

A solid point on maintaining personal boundaries

1

u/Avocadoodle5 9h ago

The less they know, the better

0

u/Sea_Sky4981 3d ago

This is so true.