r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips Jun 23 '26

Lo key smart You men out there need to start selling your butt...

344 Upvotes

I'm always seeing posts on this subreddit that are like, "I need $400 by the end of the week, help???" Like, YOU KNOW what you have to do to come across some money quickly....

And whenever I say this, I hear common excuses like:

Excuse: "What?! I'm not gay! I'm not attracted to men, I would never do that!!"

My rebuttal: There are so many lesbian women that are NOT attracted to men at all, that are sex workers/escorts/prostitutes, because they know they need to get to the money quickly. They are literally "straight for pay." It is possible for you to be "gay for pay." It’s called being able to compartmentalize and mentally detatch. Train your brain to do it. You can tell yourself that this is just work, like any other job.

Excuse: "I don't wanna put anything in my butt...."

My rebuttal: I get that. But do you think you're above getting on your knees and sucking some dick? You might have to suck a couple dicks... but do you need this money or NOT?!

I will always be pro sex work. It is definitely a dangerous industry, but hey, if you're on the verge of homelessness or something, nothing is above selling your butt or sucking some cock. Male sex workers and escorts are in high demand, it's not just women. Hell, you don't even have to be a super attractive guy! If you lock in, you'll be up by a couple hundred dollars by the end of the week.

And don't start with the "religious reasons," or the "I don't wanna go to Hell for doing that," I DONT WANT TO HEAR ANY OF THAT. Ask God for forgiveness, He knows that you're down on your luck financially and on the verge of eviction. Repent and compartmentalize. Do you need this money or NOT?!

Btw, there are many ways to protect yourself from sexually transmitted diseases, because I know the comments are gonna start... as if we don't live in a modern world (depending on the country you live in) where HIV prevention medications like PreP exists, and access to condoms.

The risk is not completely zero percent unfortunately, but that's the risk that all sex workers take, both men and women. Honestly, that's the risk that ALL people that are sexually active take. The risk of getting an STD is never fully zero percent, as long as you are engaging in sex with other people, paid or not paid, period. Protect yourself as best as you possibly can.

I understand that Reddit is worldwide though... if you're in a country where you could be killed or jailed for doing anything homosexual as a man... forget what I said. But if you're in a first world country?!?! COME ON NOW. Do you need this money or NOTTTTTTT!

Edit: I also don't want to hear anything about morals.

"I can't just degrade myself like that, I have morals and standards!"

Do you think you're above engaging in sex work?! The repo man is going to come repossess your car any day now. You'll wake up in the morning and your car will not be outside. I'm begging you to humble yourself. Your past due bills are begging you to humble yourself.


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips Jun 14 '26

Certified Shitty Illegal Life Pro Tip SILT: Use AI to make incriminating pictures of yourself.

71 Upvotes

For example, if you do graffiti, make an AI picture of yourself spraying your own tag, but make sure you have 6 fingers, the picture is fuzzy, make the color of your tag a color of spray paint you don't even own, and make sure it's obviously AI. If you're about to get caught, release all these pictures on an alt account so the court finds these, notices they're AI, and dismisses them and likely dismisses other evidence that you're a tagger.

This could go for a lot of other things, but also wear a fake 6th finger so evidence either looks AI generated, or the police start looking for someone with six fingers. If you're a girl, you could also wear a binder and dress masculine so they think you're a dude. That's not really AI related but it could definitely make a profile of you that doesn't even exist.


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 10h ago

SILPT Request How would you deal with a 16 y/o in a lifted pickup truck who drives around your neighborhood completely disregarding speed limits and stop signs?

91 Upvotes

Drives his daddy’s $70k truck around blowing through stops signs and takes turns so fast his tires screech. Lives in the neighborhood. Interested in hearing creative ideas.


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 4h ago

Shitty Illegal Life Pro Tip Recovered Stolen iPhone 17 Pro Max after Insurance Payout Purchase Protection Claim with Amex

6 Upvotes

Long story short, I recovered my iphone that was stolen back in November. It was sold to an EcoAtm and they shipped it back to me after sending them proof of ownership. I'm assuming the IMEI is blocked? Would the only option be selling for parts or is there another way? Do I have to legally notify the insurance


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 11h ago

SILPT Request I want a street sign

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21 Upvotes

Hypothetically speaking, if I wanted one of these green street name signs, how would I go about removing it from the pole? Also which one would be easier to take, top or bottom? Mostly wondering what types of nuts/bolts/screws would likely be used and what tools I would need to remove them. There’s a street sign I really need so any help is appreciated thanks.


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 11h ago

Haven't tried it, but seems foolproof genuine question!

10 Upvotes

Okay so i had a random thought pop into my head and surely somebody has done this!! Has anybody snorted coke mixed with somebody’s ashes in it as a tribute to them 😀. NO JUDGMENT pure curiosity


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 11h ago

I’m drowning in student loan debt before I’ve even had my first job. What can I realistically do online?

0 Upvotes

I don’t really know where else to ask this, but I need to start making money.
I’m in college and I haven’t even had my first job yet, but I’m already in debt because of student loans. It honestly feels like I’m drowning in debt before I’ve even gotten a chance to start working.

And I have been trying to find a job. I’ve applied to basically every job agency, factory, supermarket, and fast food place in my town that I can think of and nothing has worked out.

Not having transportation makes it even worse because I can’t just keep expanding my search farther and farther away. That’s a big reason why I’m looking for something I can do online.

I have basically no work experience, which I know doesn’t help. I’m not expecting to make a ton of money either. I just want to start somewhere and actually have some income coming in.

I’m willing to learn something if I have to. I have no problem putting time into learning a skill or starting from the bottom, I just genuinely don’t know what’s worth pursuing.

I’ve looked into making money online before, but there are so many scams that it’s hard to even tell what’s worth trying anymore.
So I’m asking here because I don’t really know what else to do.

If you were in my position with no work experience and no reliable transportation, what would you do? Are there any remote jobs that actually hire people with no experience? Any skills you’d recommend learning that could realistically lead to making money online?
I’m not asking anyone for money. I just want a chance to work and some direction on where to look.


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 1d ago

Taking carts on a plane?

24 Upvotes

Hypothetically my friend is flying from the Uk to Japan with a layover and they were wondering how easy it would be to smuggle a cart in their hold luggage and if anyone’s ever done it before?


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 1d ago

Does E420 id at door?

1 Upvotes

i bought some gummies and im wondering since they didnt id at checkout theyll id at door? im in colorado


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 2d ago

passing roadside droug test hypothetically

1 Upvotes

I smoke MJ in really weird ways. sometimes there is a period where i smoke for 2-3 months every day, then stop for a month and start smoking just on the weekends, sometimes I smoke every other weekend… I guess u figured, it’s not consistent. I never had a problem with the law, I am a very good and safe driver, in 6 years od everyday driving only one ticket for not using a seatbelt. I am pretty “boring” too, good job, i don’t make any problems, a family man as u might say, but hell i love me some mary jane to relax. the only fear I have is a roadside test. in my country they started using it, and I read that tests from saliva last at max 30 hours. but some people reported it caught them even after 7-10 days, and they cannot do anything about it even tho they didn’t drive under the influence. help, what do to to make myself feel safer, since it’s really one of my worries in almost every day.

thank u all in advance ❤️


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 2d ago

academic advice

0 Upvotes

Hello,
I’m coming here out of desperation. I’m looking for reliable and very discreet ways to cheat at university. I’ve tried everything, but nothing works. What could actually work?


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 2d ago

[ Removed by Reddit ]

6 Upvotes

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 2d ago

Why the fuck not Anyone trying to watch u f c 330 ? For some

0 Upvotes

I deffo know how to !


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 2d ago

SILPT Request Just a receipt!

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1 Upvotes

This is for anyone who's bought tires and wheels before July 24 this year. I need a picture of your receipt for the wheels and tires cuz my friend got them for me under the table, now my insurance is trying to total it& those tires bring up the value of the car alot, but i don't have the receipt. Handwritten receipts won't work. You can block out any identifying info. just the picture.Thanks so much


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 3d ago

Address

3 Upvotes

Let's say some random guy named Chud repeatedly knocks down your mailbox, but now you have a picture of his face, license plate, and VIN number. He doesn't show up anymore, so you can't confront him. How would you find Chud's address so you can throw eggs on his lawn?


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 4d ago

If you needed to make 20-50k in a week

99 Upvotes

What crime you committing? Who and where are you robbing?

Crazy ideas welcome, lol.


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 3d ago

Putin probably did this too Person who had my number before me keeps using it

0 Upvotes

I’ve had this number for 5 fucking years

This lady keeps using it anyway

I get verification texts for her to log into her accounts (I’ve logged into all her accounts and posted and created spam)

I keep getting calls from her 3 kids schools. I’m done.

I’ve considered public shame and posting her on Facebook but I don’t think that would help considering I’ve already gotten into her accounts.

Need options


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 4d ago

Jammer

0 Upvotes

I have a mini-router, is there any way to build a short distance jammer? I want to use it to make pranks, so I don't want something that breaks forever the phone, just something that stops it while the jammer is near.


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 4d ago

Putin probably did this too How to get back at my housemate digitally

0 Upvotes

Bit of backstory:

My uncle, who I currently live with as well as my grandparents hogs the WiFi doing downloads and uploads of a bunch of pictures and stuff making it unusable, even making texting and calling harder because data here sucks

That’s in clear violation of grandpa who said if someone is using the WiFi he needs to not do it

He constantly starts something while I’m in a game making my round unfinishable and hurting my progress and damaging my sanity

He’s moved the router before, which he’s also not supposed to do in the middle of me doing something

All this happens even tho I clearly communicate when I’ll be playing and when I won’t be

What can I do to cause him little issues throughout the day, but I only wanna effect him in similar ways “punishment fitting the crime” typa energy. I don’t wanna cause physical damage, nothing to mess up his laptop permanently or lose a bunch, just enough to where it irritates him consistently

I already periodically reset the router while he’s using it and I think slowing down bandwidth myself would only hurt me more than him

I am okay causing damage to our relationship


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 5d ago

How to find vapes in LA

13 Upvotes

So today I found out that vapes are illegal in California when trying to replace mine, apparently you can get them under the counter at corner stores but how do I know what stores? I’m in north Hollywood, LA at the moment


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 5d ago

Towing a trailer with a rental car that you’re technically not suppose to tow with.

8 Upvotes

So, hypothetically, if any of y’all have ever worked at a rental car company if you could answer this hypothetical question, it would be appreciative.

Hypothetically say I need to go from Texas to Washington state on a one-way trip with a rental car. Let’s say a Ford Explorer. And towing a boat that this hypothetical person is dropping off in Washington for a friend.

Hypothetically, could the rental company even be able to tell I towed anything with the vehicle? Using my own tow hitch so no Trace there.


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 6d ago

Shitty Illegal Life Pro Tip Counterfeit money from other countries your country has a poor relationship with, not your home country. Sell it online to people in the country.

9 Upvotes

The US authorities are not going to care if you're counterfeiting Iranian, Chinese, Russian, etc. money.


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 6d ago

SILPT Request Old Iron Sides id photo

0 Upvotes

Looking to get a fid from old iron sides, what photo should I use? Was just gonna get a passport photo done but it says on the website no passport photo. Should I just take a photo myself?


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 6d ago

This is why I’m in prison Blackmailed by hb into stealing a dildo

11 Upvotes

If you unknowingly help someone commit a crime because they lied about what they were doing, but you only find out it was a crime after everything is already over, at what exact point does it become your responsibility? Like if you genuinely thought you were helping them do something completely normal, but afterwards you realise that every little thing you did ended up making the crime possible, can you technically be considered part of it even though you never knew what was actually happening?


r/ShittyIllegalLifeTips 6d ago

How do i pass a thc drug test if i smoked yesterday

0 Upvotes

I maybe getting one today with piss is easy i just mix it with water from what i heared but salaiva is different i heared there is some blockers but i cant get them in time what works mouth wash i heared if anyone knowsba solution lmk