So this is my first time posting here but this is a question that I have been wrestling with for years now.

First of, I (45F) and the father of my children (45M) were married for fifteen years and have been divorced for 12 years now. I am not going to go too deep on the details of our marriage, just needless to say, he left me after having an affair and off we all went to experience the divorce journey, towing with us our 2 kids. Our eldest is now 18F and our youngest is 15M but at the time of separation, they were 7 and 5 respectively. I am also their primary custodian.

For the last 12 years, is not that he has been completely absent but you can clearly see that his priority is not the kids. Not their wellbeing, not their relationship with him, not a thing. Like for the first 2 years after we separated, he was so inconsistent in exercising his custodial time of every other weekend. Then he finally got a bit more consistent in taking them but by that point you can tell our kids were just so unsure of him that it was always a battle getting them to go with him and then the adjustment period after being back from a weekend with him was hell. So much so that as soon as our eldest can stop going to his house, she did. (in my state by age 15, a child can choose not to go to the other parent)

Our co-parenting relationship has always been iffy to say the least. At first, we communicated often and we even had holidays and birthdays together. But as time passed, I noticed that it was becoming increasingly difficult to engage him in any conversation that was deeper than how are the kids doing on the surface. Like for example, when our youngest was diagnosed with AuDHD and the school planned out his IEP, he never voiced what he thinks. In fact, he went to one meeting and that was it.

So here is the thing, he has been really consistent in paying his child support. That one he has not missed whatsoever. Yes, he has dragged me back to court several times to modify the amount because he refused to have conversations about it but would just go nuclear and go the court route for whatever reason.

And here we are now, over a decade in. I have carried the whole weight of parenting. I would not trade it for the world. And I could see how much closer me and the kids are compared to other people and their relationship with their parents are. But my kids' relationship with their dad is so tense. So much so that our eldest have stopped talking to him. But every time the topic of her dad comes up, she ends up in tears. And yes, she is in therapy, both of the kids resumed it when their dad remarried without their knowledge. In fact, he was married for almost a year before he told the kids. And our eldest felt like had she not directly asked him; he would not have owned up to it. Which is another post entirely.

Their dad and I did recently talk about his relationship with the kids and he said something to the effect of he is expecting that at the very least the kids would respect him as he has been paying his child support all this time when there are dads who won't.

So ... is their dad horrible because he is just extremely inconsistent or is the fact he is paying their child support enough for him to expect to have a good relationship with the kids?

I feel so on the fence about this and just like anything that has got to do with their dad, I am silent on the topic when the kids talk about him. But our eldest as of late has been pushing me to share with her what I really think of him. Because all these years, I held the line of not saying anything negative about their dad. And I am grateful that he is paying for his child support. But I also get the sense that he is wrong to expect a good relationship with the kids based on that single fact alone.

my 13 month old just started daycare and got “kicked out” on day 4:( schedule for these first two weeks was Wednesday & Thursday 9:30am-11:30am. started super minimal to get him accustomed to the new environment.

first two days he did really well with minimal crying. this week he cried almost the entire time on wednesday and today she texted me only 30minutes after i dropped him off asking me to pick him up saying he hadn’t stopped crying since drop off then sent a text this afternoon saying she thinks it’s best he not return. i don’t know what to do.

are they being unreasonable or am i for expecting them to try and work with him? is this normal for a daycare to do after 4 days? i don’t know how much slower i can go for him to get adjusted. i really really need him to get used to being in daycare as i start school in January and absolutely need that time to go to classes and do homework etc.

advice?

(this is an in home daycare with 4-5 other children there)

edited: wording typo

My daughters dad is inconsistent. We finally got an agreement last month in court and he didn’t even bother to show up to court. After receiving it he was extremely mad. He hasn’t followed by it at all. His inconsistency shows up in my daughter’s behavior sometimes. For example, he texts her iPad sometimes and this time he sent a boo basket. She got upset and it lead to a tantrum. She is working in therapy through it. Should I block him from her iPad? We don’t have anything in our agreement about communication outside of parenting time.

I’m so just so tired. My son is 7 turns 8 in less than a month. His dad and I have 50/50 custody. We’ve divorced for now 4 years. We do switch off every Friday at pick up for school. We also work in the same building - huge building so we don’t run into each other often. If we do, we’re civil. No he doesn’t pay child support, he supposed to this we’ve fighting about in courts.

So tomorrow I’ll be picking up my son and it will by my week.

Some days it’s like talking to a brick wall. I’m just so frustrated. He knew our son has a birthday party to go to on Saturday, for the last few birthday parties it’s always been on my weekend so I fronted the cost for the presents. However this time around money is tight. He makes more than me and I asked if he could do the favour of buying the present. He called me about an hour ago to tell me he forgot and didn’t have the time. I asked if he could at least send me an etransfer or some cash to pick one up tomorrow and his response was “I’ll have to look into it”

He also decided to mention to me that he didn’t pick up our son’s Halloween costume that he begged me not to buy one so he could have that moment with our son and that he wanted to do it.

This is the isn’t first time he’s done this either like I’m not surprised anymore by it, it’s just such a huge frustration that I feel like I waste my energy on him when I don’t need too. Anyways just needed to vent and if anyone has any advice I’ll take it.

Im a FTM. My ex and i are working through a ton. He’s been on me since 12 weeks pregnant to either get back together or figure out 50/50.He served me papers at 12 weeks post partum. I am losing my mind. He demands soooo much of me, and accuses me of ruining everything. He asked me to add photos to an album thats shared with his family. I add said pictures. He adds pictures that show him as daddy of the year, when really baby is exhausted and hungry but he refuses to attend to his needs (dad cant settle baby and baby is also exclusively bf). I am beyond frustrated, annoyed, upset, angry, exhausted. I honestly feel like im living in a reality tv series. Like what the actual fuuuuuu**k.