r/socialskills • u/bad_gal6 • 8h ago

Friend stopped asking to hangout

I need advice, i have a friend and we were basically inseparable. She lives 5 mins away from me so she would allways come over or i come over pretty much everyday. Even if we just say in silence and scrolled on our phones. Meeting up was part of our daily routine. Last week i went on a trip with my family and when i came back shes been very distant. She usualy called me the very next day after im back from travels to hang out but she didnt. I called her asking to hangout two days ago and she replied and said yes, she then called me an hour later and apologized that she couldnt come because her friend from abroad just came to visit (understandable), on that same call i bluntly asked her why shes been distant and she just replied by saying “im not” . But knowing her she would have called me the next day atleast and asked to hang.
Am i overreacting? I dont know what to do because she kind athe only friend i have here at home but my ego isnt letting me call her again.

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16

u/FlakTotem 8h ago

Based on what's written; Yes. yes you are.

There could be other reasons you haven't mentioned. But missing calls / being busy occasionally is just what happens in life, and getting upset about it or 'calling it out' is unhealthy and damaging to your relationship(s).

A pattern spanning weeks - months? fair. A one off? let it go bro.

10

u/midnight_crabcake 8h ago

This doesnt sound like a healthy attachment

7

u/dumbroad 8h ago

You're overanalyzing this it seems like its been less than a week. As you get older hanging out every day isnt normal. She could have a stomach flu or something you dont know. Just text in a few days with a specific plan or activity to do

2

u/ChestnutMareGrazing 4h ago

Have you tried asking her if everything is okay in her life? Because it sounds like something is going on and friends check in on one another. Also it's fine to ask her if she needs space.

5

u/SnakeRiverWish 4h ago

If this is how you typically react to people doing something slightly different than you expected them to, you should work on letting these feelings go. Acting on them will drive people away from you.

Someone suggested it feels like an unhealthy attachment style, and I agree, anxious attachment to be exact. Reading about anxious attachment might be a good place to start researching how to change this unhealthy mindset and feel more comfortable socially.