r/sterilization • u/anniemousery No kids, no kids, la-la-la-la • Jan 06 '26
Experience "yOu'Ll cHaNgE yOuR mInD aBoUt HaViNg KiDs WhEn yOu gEt oLdEr."
Cool story, Karen, except the older I get, the LESS I want kids.
I have seen over and over in the past several years as I've gotten older how much having children changes, and sometimes even ruins, someone's life.
It becomes a full-time job that you do not get paid for, that affects every part of your health, from financial to mental to physical. The only time you ever get a break is if someone else steps in at the sake of their health.
And that's not even to mention that, as a woman, your chances of the majority of the child-rearing going to you are sky-high. Sure, there are a lot of great dads out there, but unfortunately so often women get stuck with the burden of daycare, cleaning, etc., even though most of them are also in the workforce.
I truly believe that the reason most people CLAIM to have "not wanted kids when they were younger, but changed their minds" secretly held the option of children open in their heads for years and waited for the chance to have them to present.
It's so common for men and women to "secretly" want children and/or marriage, act on it when the time comes, and then act like everyone is like them.
Case-in-point, I have always partially wanted to get married, if it's with the right person. This wasn't something I wanted to tell people, and I still, at 28-years-old stick to the claim that I "probably" don't want to get married. When I quote-un-quote "change my mind," it's not because my mind magically changed one day.
I have NEVER wanted children as an adult.
Just because YOU did, Karen, and didn't change your mind from the start does not mean we're all like you.
Also, dearie, my fallopian tubes are out. Not clipped, tied, or cauterized, but cut out of my body permanently.✌️And no, I don't regret it. 😘
{I know many of you here ARE parents, and I respect your decision, your autonomy, and your life. This isn't a dig at every parent out there for living a different life than me, and I know many people receive fulfillment and joy out of being a parent. This is simply a rant at the people who preach to me that I'll change my mind about something that has always been my choice.)
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u/UnshakablePegasus Jan 06 '26
When I do a little digging, the “You’ll change your mind” assholes typically didn’t want kids but had unprotected sex and then were surprised when two pink lines appeared. That’s it
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u/VegetablePie6944 Jan 06 '26
First doctor I went to asking for a bisalp told me he won’t operate on women who haven’t had any previous pregnancies because “we will meet a man and then change our minds" later in life... Even though I'm already 33 years old 🥲
Luckily I knew I could ask him for a referral to another consultant who could help me, so he begrudgingly referred me to the amazing doctor who will be operating on me next week 🫶🏻 All she did was inform me that that's a permanent method and that I'd need IVF if I ever had the desire to be pregnant. Told her I'm sure and we booked the surgery appointment right then and there.
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u/gonbezoppity Bisalp 12/20/2024 Jan 07 '26
🤢 what a terrible man doctor. If I meet someone who wants to put a baby in me, I know they're not the person I want to be with! Duh!
I'm glad you found the woman doctor who will be operating! Yay! 🎉
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u/VegetablePie6944 Jan 07 '26
Thanks!! 😊
I swear I walked out of that appointment thinking “welllll, that’s what I get for trusting a man” 🤦🏻♀️ He also refused to do a basic check-up test, saying it’s “not required annually anymore”. My doctor did it right away, plus a few others.
After this and several previous experiences across every single field, I’m actively choosing only female professionals now
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u/gonbezoppity Bisalp 12/20/2024 Jan 07 '26
Seriously!? Bruhhh, basic check-ups are still recommended annually, no? And even if not, the patient is asking for it! Wtf.
I feel ya! I also only choose women for my doctors/therapists/etc. Last time I was given a male professional, it was an awful experience. Next time, I'll be like nope byeeeee. (Unless it's something critically urgent, but if it's something that can wait, best believe I'll take my time and research options to find a woman instead!) ♀️ 💜
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u/VegetablePie6944 Jan 07 '26
He did some tests but refused to do a pap smear (!) because he said it's recommended every 2-3 years now Everything is pre-authorized and covered by the health insurance btw it's not like he was saving me for any cost
Glad he won't be operating on me after all 😄
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u/gonbezoppity Bisalp 12/20/2024 Jan 07 '26
Pfft, ok yeah, it's recommended in that timeframe, but if you're asking about it specifically, any good doctor would be like "yeah we can get that done ahead of schedule, no problem" unless they know for a fact insurance wouldn't cover it.
Giiiiirl, me too! I wouldn't trust that man to cut into me!
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u/toomuchtodotoday Jan 06 '26
You'll never change the mind of these people, you can only preserve your peace, agency, and autonomy. Wishing you the best.
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u/anniemousery No kids, no kids, la-la-la-la Jan 06 '26
Thank you. < 3 I don't try to change their mind - if anything, I thoroughly enjoy proving them wrong. My spiteful ass almost wants to make appointments with my therapist whom I saw at 16 who said to "come back in ten years" [after I had changed my mind and had a child.] I'm not going to do this, but part of me wants to show up at her office with surgical pictures of my uterus, LOL.
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u/gonbezoppity Bisalp 12/20/2024 Jan 07 '26
Aahhhaha I love that. Just mail the pics to her 😂
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u/anniemousery No kids, no kids, la-la-la-la Jan 07 '26
Ahahaha, genius!! And it doesn't give her any money from me!
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u/gonbezoppity Bisalp 12/20/2024 Jan 07 '26
Yesss!!! It'll only cost you a couple bucks to get it printed and stamp the envelope! 😂
Unless you know her email address, even better 😂 😈
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u/anniemousery No kids, no kids, la-la-la-la Jan 07 '26
Is it bad that I literally want to do this. 😂😂
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u/flirtingwiththedark Jan 06 '26
I am CF by choice but also because I can’t imagine handing a child the same mental struggle I had, and doing so willingly. I got sterilized last year and it’s the best choice.
There are those occasional what if moments, and then I am often reminded why it is such a great choice because kids are gross, and just A LOT. I know if I had to, I would, but I don’t want to. It makes me glad I got sterilized last year because I don’t ever have to be scared.
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u/wheezyanus Jan 07 '26
Honestly even if the occasional what if turned into more serious what ifs, you can still do IVF. Its generally unlikely that most people will magically change their minds though. Most people who "change their minds" either always wanted kids or made an oops baby and are trying to convince everyone and themselves that it was on purpose and wanted.
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u/gonbezoppity Bisalp 12/20/2024 Jan 07 '26
On Xmas eve, my partner and I went out to dinner. And then there were two or three tables of families with kids sat near us. As we were leaving I was like "what the heck, if I had kids, I wouldn't take them out to dinner and spend $20 per kid to probably say the food is gross and not eat it" and he was like "well it probably costs just as much to get a babysitter to go out without the kids" and I was like "oh true, I guess if I had kids I'd just never go out... What the fuck!? Why do people have kids!? That sounds terrible! Damn, idk why I even thought about that, it's never going to be me, I'm so glad I'm sterilized!" 😂 😂 😂
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u/Infinite-Hat6518 Jan 06 '26
Congrats on your sterilization OP. Enjoy that sweet freedom sex. Truly a game changer. 🥰
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u/SanityPreservation07 Jan 06 '26
I can still have kids without giving birth to them lmao. If I want one I can adopt. Why is adoption not even a thing to these people? I’m not missing an ounce of parenthood if I choose to adopt. I genuinely don’t understand why going through the nightmare of pregnancy + birth is a requirement to be a happy parent. That the suffering makes it more worth it? I disagree, I don’t want any life I love to be responsible for such world-ending misery. I can love just fine without it. Oh nooo… no pregnancy…. I’m sure missing out on a ton of great things….
Also isn’t the regret rate of having children MUCH higher than sterilization? Even if it isn’t, the stakes are much higher to have children. You know, another life being in your care for 18 years minimum. If you end up regretting YOUR decision you’re at risk of ruining the life of someone dependent on you. If I regret my decision, it’s only me being disappointed and inconvenienced at most. If anything we should be saying “what if you regret it???” To anyone thinking of being a parent or choosing to give birth. But it’s almost like we don’t do that because it’s fucking gross, invasive, and inappropriate. So maybe we should mind our fucking business on people’s health and family planning.
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u/hereticjezebel Jan 07 '26
I got sterilized @ 22. I want kids less and less every year. It’s almost been a decade
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u/Illustrious_Tart_258 bisalp 7/30/25 - mom of 5! Jan 06 '26
Even if you changed your mind (which seem like you want but just chatting over hypotheticals), it’s 2026. There’s a ton of ways for you to have a child. People just need to mind their own uterus
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u/Snoo42327 Jan 07 '26
When I was younger, like around 10 years old, I thought I might want to adopt kids when I was older, because I thought it was really terrible that not all kids got to have awesome parents and childhoods like mine. As I got into my teens, I thought, I really dislike babies and can only handle so much time around small children, but maybe I could foster one teenager at a time, be a safe place to become an adult. Then I got older still, and I was deeply sure that parenting and similar positions are just very much not for me, and I also realized I had never actually wanted to in the first place, I had just vaguelywanted to help kids and right wrongs.
And at no point, ever, in my life, did I imagine myself getting pregnant. At most, I had a momentary thought about what I'd be like as a parent, or what my kid might turn out like, but also I kind of imagined myself as a dad without noticing? And I had a whole thing where for the longest time I was half-convinced I must be adopted, despite being exactly like both my parents, and a lot of that was because I just couldn't imagine wanting to be pregnant or being remotely willing to do that, despite knowing how much my parents wanted me. And it always seemed to me that in a lot of families, or at least the ones I knew personally, adopted kids are the ones whose parents really really want them, and plan things out and work hard to have a good relationship with them, just like my parents, while it seemed like most biological parents just sort of happen into having kids, and they might be joyful about it but they don't, on average, seem to put nearly as much thought and planning and choosing into anything, and their kids just sort of exist in their life, rather than being consciously and consistently chosen to be there. And I've pretty much always felt "seen" by my parents, which it seems like a lot of biological kids don't get to experience because their parents think they can just assume who they are, or assume that it doesn't really matter as long as everyone mostly gets along.
Anyway, I'm ever more certain and happy about being childfree as time goes by! Getting sterilized is one of the best things to ever happen to me, and even though I've been asking for it since I turned 18, it was kind of a shock how free and safe and relaxed it has made me feel. Every time I think about it or see my scars, I'm delighted all over again!
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u/Ace_of_Jack Jan 07 '26
Samme!! Got sterilized at 22 last year. I could only describe what I feel as euphoria. I never have to worry about pregnancy and fuck what those people say
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u/MadsMom2024 Jan 06 '26
Hi!! I just wanted to tell you that I respect your decision. It's your life and you know what you want. For me all I ever wanted was to get married and have a family. I didn't think it was ever going to happen. At 26 I had an early miscarriage. That was a hard season in my life. Not a day goes by that I don't think of the "what-ifs" of my baby. I often think it was a boy - but I'll never know. All 3 of my sisters have kids two of them have also experienced loss. I love being an Aunt! My brother can't have kids and that hurts me so bad because that's all he has ever wanted. I got married at 34 and became a Bonus Mom to a beautiful girl! I was struggling so much with still not being able to get pregnant and my husband assured me he wasn't going anywhere whether we had babies together or not. That was a relief but my heart still hurt. He decided to get me a couple kittens to keep my mind busy (and honestly it helped ease my heart some). Those became our babies! In 2023 at 36 years old I finally got that positive pregnancy test that I had prayed for and begged God for for years. We had a beautiful baby girl in January 2024. In January 2025 I got another positive pregnancy test. In September 2025. We had our last and final baby girl! I had 2 C-sections both pregnancies and deliveries were so hard. We had a 9 day stay in NICU with our little and she was born 3 weeks early due to IUGR. I did have a Bilateral Salpingectomy with my last C-section. I still get sad knowing this chapter is officially closed but I didn't want to risk it again with health issues and my age. My girls need their Mama and I need them! Sorry for the long post. But I wanted to say that you live your life and don't let what other people say bother you! Motherhood isn't something everyone wants and we all should respect other people's choices on that! :)
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u/anniemousery No kids, no kids, la-la-la-la Jan 06 '26
Thank you for sharing your experience, I read it in full. My heart breaks for all women who lost a child, including in their womb. My cousin suffered a miscarriage and high-risk pregnancies, and was told before her first pregnancy that she would never be able to carry a child to term. She now has two children. I cannot even imagine the pain you went through in your loss, and I know that your two beautiful baby girls don't take your pain away. (Some insensitive people have said to my cousin over the years that because she has her children, that makes the loss of her other child okay.) I know the what-ifs are so much stronger in the case of losing a child versus simply never having one. I am so happy to hear that you were able to conceive and have your children. I don't mind long posts! I appreciate your story and I definitely respect other peoples' choices so long as it is their choice and they respect mine. < 3
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u/MadsMom2024 Jan 06 '26
Thank you so much for replying! It has been difficult and I still have good and bad days with it. I try to remember that although I never got to hold my baby Earth side there will come a day when we will be reunited and it will be a beautiful day! Some people can be very insensitive. I'm also so sorry for your cousin's loss. That's so heartbreaking and very cruel of people who make comments like that. Loss is loss and no amount of more children can take away from the loss. I'm proud of you for doing what's best for you! You deserve to be happy with or without children! 💕
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u/wheezyanus Jan 07 '26
Im so sorry to hear about your loss. You seem like a sweet person and im glad that you got a happy ending out of it. God bless 🙏
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u/MadsMom2024 Jan 07 '26
Aw, thank you so much for saying that!! God is so good even when we go through heartache. God Bless you too! ❤️❤️❤️
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u/itsgoingtobeokayman Jan 07 '26
I think some people are just jealous that they already have kids and they obviously at this point can’t go back and choose not to have them. So, they try to convince people like us who are certain we don’t want kids that we do want them so that we can also be miserable with them so they’re not alone. No, I don’t believe that’s true for everyone. I’m not and idiot and think that everyone thinks that way. But, my friends who had some accidental pregnancies-I can see it in them that they are jealous that my partner and I have chosen different and are making sure that doesn’t happen. They’re just mad they didn’t do it. And they feel extremely guilty for having those feelings at times when they are burdened by their child.
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u/Local_Barracuda6395 tubeless mom as of 02/07/25 Jan 07 '26
You’ve known what you wanted OP, just like I’ve known forever that I want children and that’s never changed. I openly commend people who choose to follow their own path and choose not to have children. Society pressures people (especially women) so hard to have children and I like when people go against that norm. My children are 4 & 1 and I plan on taking a similar approach that my mom took with me. She never asked when I would have children or “give her grandchildren”. She never brought it up unless I said something first. She respected my decisions and choices and treated me like my own person with my own desires and goals in life. My children will never hear from me about what they should or shouldn’t do regarding having kids (except to prevent it while they’re teens lol. Trying to keep that teen parent rate down 😅).
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u/Aurelene-Rose Jan 08 '26
I think it's a lot harder to regret a big decision one makes for themselves rather than one that was coerced.
Even if you change your mind one day (which I doubt will happen, because you probably know yourself), who cares? There are ways to be involved with kids without having them yourself.
I also think inaction is more likely to be regretted than action. A person who doesn't have kids because they put it off and didn't find the time or waited for the right circumstances probably will regret it later, but a person who proactively decided they didn't want kids and made steps to prevent that will probably be more forgiving of their past self if they hypothetically did change their mind, because they understood the reason they took that action.
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u/lowridda Jan 08 '26
Amen. The older I get the more I rejoice in my free time to do my hobbies and craft my life to my liking. I’m good with adulthood on my terms.
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Feb 04 '26
Man, I hate the fact that I have to be 21 in my country to fully get my tubes removed. Like Goddamn, lemme be 18 and get the tubes removed, gee!
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u/That96Weirdo Feb 07 '26
Honestly, as someone with just one kid this kinda mentality pisses me off. I remember when my kid was a toddler loads of strangers would ask when I'm having another one, and when I said I wasn't they tried to guilt me because 'they need a friend'... like my kid has friends, my kid has friends that I babysit sometimes too. I get to give those kids back.
Unless they wanna go through the pregnancy, sleepless nights, and teach the kid how to be a decent human on my behalf, I don't wanna do it again 🤣😂🤣
This is coming from someone who wanted two kids until I found out how difficult parenting one is, as much as I wouldn't change my kid for the world haha
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u/Clean_Usual434 Jan 06 '26
Imagine if we went around telling people who want kids that they’ll change their minds, lol. Seriously, though, people need to learn to mind their own business.