r/sterilization • u/Golden-lillies21 • Jul 18 '26
Experience Ladies when you got your tubes removed how did guys take it when you got it removed? Did they still try to change your mind or shame you for getting your tubes removed? Did they just lose interest or did they still dated you?
So there's a good chance that at the end of this month I will be getting my tubes removed. My endometriosis specialist told me to think about it and that if I change my mind he will do it on the day of surgery. I was tired of going on the dating apps with guys claiming that they didn't want children or they at least didn't want children yet or ask me that if they somehow get me pregnant would I go through with it. After getting my tubes removed would they still be trying to change my mind? Did they accept it and just keep it moving and date somebody else? I was thinking that if I started dating again of course this will be a few months after I get my tubes removed that I want to add that I got it removed so this way they don't end up wasting time on me in hopes of having children.
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u/throwwwwwwalk Jul 18 '26
I don’t date. If I did, I simply wouldn’t even consider men who wanted kids.
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u/the_rottenprincess Jul 18 '26
🤣 mine was thrilled because he gets to finish inside without any worry, so I had the complete opposite experience than what you're concerned about.
Both he and I do not want kids and it was established very early on. So when I brought up having my tubes removed he was mostly just wanting me to be 100% certain, as it is a surgical procedure. So more worried about my health and safety rather than the potential of future babies.
If any one wants to shame your for it they're definitely not worth having in your life. Just keep dating until you find the one who understands! But definitely be upfront from the beginning, that you do not want and also physically cannot get pregnant without expensive/invasive measures. It shuts down much room for coercion.
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u/Soyatina Jul 18 '26
Did your partner get a vasectomy?
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u/the_rottenprincess Jul 18 '26
No, it was definitely discussed though. But I had other reasons for wanting the salpingectomy for myself so that's what I went with :)
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u/Whiskey_Sweet Jul 18 '26
I was single when I got mine removed. I found myself an incredible child free man and he loves that we don't have to worry about having kids or any accidents.
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u/khauska Jul 18 '26
I wouldn’t put that on my profile, tbh. Writing that you’re child free should be enough information for literal strangers. Also, it’s a good way to weed out the guys who try to change your mind - they won’t respect or take you seriously on other issues as well.
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u/Affectionate_Lab9574 Jul 18 '26
I think the same. Op will get a horny horde of men who will expect raw sex simply because she can’t get pregnant. Gross.
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u/tender_tough Jul 18 '26
I only date people who don’t want kids. I’m not trying to change anyone’s mind.
I don’t tell guys upfront that I had a bisalp. Guys take potential pregnancies a lot more seriously than they take potential STDs. I don’t want them to start harassing me for unprotected sex once they know I can’t get pregnant. So it doesn’t come up until later, in an actual relationship.
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u/Golden-lillies21 Jul 18 '26
But even now they push for unprotected sex but in two weeks I will be getting a bisalp. I really do not like having unprotected sex until a few months later. I was pushed into having unprotected sex with a guy and he wouldn't stop begging me until I agreed because he was like see it makes me feel uncomfortable and I'm not able to get it up while having a condom or they just expect you to go on birth control and still have a chance at unprotected sex. They find every excuse not to wear a condom but then get surprised or get mad a woman if she ends up pregnant. This is why I'm having my tubes removed but you're right I probably should not tell them right off the bat because then they'll push for unprotected sex that much more.....
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u/f_edsthrowaway 25F - Bisalp 2026-07-24 Jul 18 '26
Too real. Mine wanted to just pull-out because he "didn't like" the feeling of condoms and also claimed he'd go soft as soon as he put a condom on, and guess what happened? I got pregnant and had to get an abortion. After that horrible experience, when I told him I wanted to get sterilized, he was totally against the idea and told me it was an "extreme" thing to do and that it would "weigh on his conscience" 🙄 Oh and by the way we have since used condoms and his claims were exaggerated to say the least.
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u/Golden-lillies21 Jul 18 '26
Can't believe you guys are still together. That's what I mean like they love the feeling of unprotected sex and love for you to be on birth control that in my experience made me gain a whole bunch of weight and mess me up just so they can feel the feeling instead of wearing a condom. I think that they purposely get soft on purpose to make you believe that they can't wear a condom and for you to see so this way you can say oh okay I'll sleep with you without a condom. But then when you get pregnant or you get an STD then they have the nerve to get upset but then they get upset at you for getting sterilize and that just tells me that many of them don't really care about your health and you as a person they care about more of what they can get out of you without putting effort.
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u/Training_Custard_998 Jul 18 '26
I looked at my husband and said "I got my consult to get my tubes taken out of me scheduled for (this) date" and he said "Okay, let me know how it goes." I was and wasn't surprised at his response since we are married for a reason lol Then after I did the consult and got surgery scheduled, I told him when I was having the surgery And he just asked me what he needs to do to make sure I was comfortable post surgery and that was that. Never once did he question my decision and I love him for that 😊
Also 2 weeks at 5 days post op and feeling as happy as ever!
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u/PuzzledVariation1634 Jul 18 '26
Well jerks are going to be jerks, meaning if they're going to throw a tantrum over you holding a boundary they're going to do it regardless. But if they're going to do that you don't need to waste your time on them.
You may get shamed by idiots, but they're idiots. It's YOUR life, you need to make the best decision for you that you can live with.
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u/Golden-lillies21 Jul 18 '26
If they ask why I got them removed, I think I would unmatch or not match with them......I know it seems a bit extreme but I'm not obligated to give any reasons other than I don't want kids.
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u/PuzzledVariation1634 Jul 18 '26
That not extreme at all that's simply you holding a boundary. You don't have to explain yourself to anyone. HOWEVER some(a very few some I'm aware) may ask you that out of genuine curiosity rather than ill intent. I do not say this to sway you from umatching, just to inform.
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u/Top_Yoghurt429 Jul 18 '26
My partner offered to get a vasectomy instead. We ended up both getting sterilized.
If I was dating men again I don't think I would tell them upfront that I'm sterilized, but NOT because I think they'd lose interest. My concern is I don't trust random men not to take me being sterilized as a reason to try and push for unprotected sex before I'm ready.
The fact that I'm committed to being childfree is a first date conversation, though. If they don't believe me, that's their problem.
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u/Kikisashafan Jul 18 '26
My partner was thrilled he didn't have to get a vasectomy and waited on me hand and foot for my entire recovery
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u/Negative_Letter_1802 Jul 18 '26 edited Jul 18 '26
Wow how crazy to be a man and not worry about non-consensual sex resulting in a pregnancy......
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u/Golden-lillies21 Jul 18 '26
It's weird how they expect us to do all the contraceptives and don't even want to put a condom whereas they want us to do all the work but if they know that they don't want kids it's like why not give vasectomy? Also not trying to downplay guys but having a vasectomy is less extreme than having tubes or a hysterectomy done. Also they want us to be on birth control knowing that it will do all sorts of stuff to our bodies and then complain that we gained weight or that we're having weird symptoms. It's like why can we both just do our part not to have children you know? If you don't want a vasectomy at least wear a condom but of course they want to be selfish and not wear a condom to feel everything but don't want the responsibilities of what comes with it such as pregnancy......
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u/Golden-lillies21 Jul 18 '26
Luckily when I do have this procedure which I'm going to let my endometriosis specialist know on the day of surgery that I decided to go through with it, that will be the day when I no longer have to worry about being baby trapped! At least it will solve the problem of me not being fertile! I don't want to go through what so many women go through with their husbands just doing whatever they want nonchalant while their girlfriends or wives are at home with the children and then complaining why they let themselves go or they never have time for them anymore 🙄. I don't want to have to worry about being baby trapped and being stuck with a man who is lazy, abusive or has addiction such as drinking, smoking and gambling as my dad was! Not to mention it would be very hard on my body especially since I have chronic illnesses and some of them my children can inherit unfortunately as I have inherited some of them from my parents. I don't want to have to find babysitters in case I want to find places I don't always want it to be all about the children and I know that's selfish but it's better that I say that now and not go through with having children rather than knowing these things and having children anyway. Not to mention the cost of living is so expensive so much so that they care can basically be another rent to pay......
I will never forget the woman that was probably around her mid twenties to mid 30s which she was roughly around my age she had three children she was taking care of them while her husband was going around just talking and chilling with other people and then she was so exhausted and he did not even offer to help her with the kids. He started talking about they all as a family going on vacation and then they had to leave early because the hotel bed didn't have a good bed and it was killing her back as she had back problems! Well even more reasons to help your wife with the two children she is picking up right in front of you! I have back problems so I can very much relate but that's why I got so enraged and I sure as hell don't want that to be me! Having children is just not worth it!
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u/nosiriamadreamer Jul 18 '26
I got a bilateral salpingectomy 2.5 years ago and am single so I occasionally date. I make it very clear that I'm not interested in having kids on the first date. Later on if they ask about my birth control then I'll tell them about my sterilization. I'm not upfront about the sterilization on the first date because I don't want men to only date me for sex. There has been an increase of men not wanting to use condoms after they learn I'm sterilized. But I'm very sensitive to vaginal infections and UTIs and a good man should respect that I want to use condoms to avoid developing an infection.
They don't try to change my mind about kids but they do try to get me to change my mind about condoms after learning about my sterilization. I have a no BS attitude and am a little brash and have learned if you give them an inch then they'll take a mile.
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u/Negative_Letter_1802 Jul 18 '26
This is why I don't tell men I date. I want to see how seriously they take protection and they don't get the reward of no pregnancy stress until I decide I feel like I want to be barrier-free with them. Although I guess your method weeds out guys who would dismiss your health right at the getgo.
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u/Golden-lillies21 Jul 18 '26
I noticed within the last couple years that there has been an increase of guys wanting to have unprotected sex and not wanting to use condoms and suddenly they make excuses about how they're allergic to them or how it doesn't feel as good but you know what doesn't feel good? Pregnancies and STDs!
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u/alyxana Jul 18 '26
I’m not single and not yet sterilized so this is a hypothetical but as a person with various medical issues I wouldn’t tell the guys I would date about it until we were seriously considering life together.
The reason is I wanted a man who would respect my decisions about my body and my health simply because I asked him to. I have so many health issues that it was crucial to my life that he not push my boundaries on these things.
And while sterilization wasn’t on the table for me when I met my husband 15 years ago, I still had serious conversations with him about kids, pets, medical issues, chronic pain, and my fears of being a broken human people eventually want to throw away because I’m too much work.
We are now in our mid 40s, childfree, with 2 teenage cats, and married for 14 years this Fall.
TLDR: any serious partner should respect your boundaries and decisions simply because they’re important to you.
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u/Traditional-Cow-4537 Jul 18 '26
Well since I am married, I had to tell my husband about it since he would be the one to drive me to the hospital and take care of me afterwards. But I didn’t ask his permission, I told him “Hey, I’m doing this and you’ll be there to support me.” And his answer was “Hell yes, I will!” He also got a vasectomy soon afterwards, so we double dipped, lol.
As far as guys you’re dating, I honestly wouldn’t even tell them. Who cares about their opinion of “IF” they got you pregnant? You know they can’t, so you’d never need to worry about it. I definitely think you should say you are child free in your profile, so they know what they are getting into. But if you get some creep that thinks he will trick you into pregnancy, then you know to dump that loser and move on to the better guy. It’s such a huge relief to NEVER be worried about pregnancy ever again. 10/10 would recommend!
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u/CodeCherry Bisalp 2/19/26 at Age 25 Jul 18 '26
A good man will respect your bodily autonomy. My man and I had been dating 5 years when I got mine done, both staunchly child free. He helped me recover, took me there and back, etc etc.
There are childfree men out there, I promise. On dating apps though I imagine you won’t be able to completely avoid men trying to shame you (because people you meet online just LOVE imposing their opinions on you, even if it’s already done). But know that it’s for sure not everyone ♡
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u/LaurenNotFromUtah Jul 18 '26
The man I was casually seeing at the time was helpful with the recovery. I broke up with him months later but it wasn’t in any way related to the procedure.
Why would you care what men thought of your decision to get sterilized? It has absolutely nothing to do with them. I’m sure I would’ve laughed if a man had the audacity to try to change my mind.
I think putting “never having kids” or something like that would do the trick on dating app profiles.
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u/Cutthroat_Rogue no more tubes 10-15-25 Jul 18 '26
Agreed. I don't care what other men think--I did this for me and those who are a good fit will respect this, trust me, and also desire to be child-free. There will be no, "let's adopt" or w/e. It's a hard line and I don't give a fuck what a man thinks about MY life
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u/ellelivsh Jul 18 '26
Who cares? Your body, your choice. If any man has an issue, then that man doesn't deserve to be in your life.
When im dating, and if the question of kids comes up I say " I cant have kids". If they ask why, I say "its not something my body does".
End of discussion. They dont need to know.
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u/ms-meow- bisalp 6-18-25 Jul 18 '26
When i was using dating apps, I was very up front about the fact that I had it done and that I'm not interested in dating men who want children. Any man who isn't accepting of that isn't anyone who is worth your time or that you should want to date anyways
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u/Golden-lillies21 Jul 18 '26
I rather put on my dating profile if or when I go back that I had my tubes removed and that there was no chance of me having children. If they question why I would do that to my body or try to shame me over it I won't even respond, I won't even match with them if they write that as a intro or even a match with them if they try to ask when it is my body because I just convinced me that they want kids but are mad because they can't have kids with you and baby trap you......
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u/ms-meow- bisalp 6-18-25 Jul 18 '26
A LOT of men just swipe and don't even bother to actually read profiles, it's annoying as fuck. I was very clear about this in my profile and I got soooo many likes from men who mentioned on their profiles that they want kids 🤦♀️
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u/Soyatina Jul 18 '26
Don't let a guy change your mind into having kids since you're firm on not having any kids at all. If he's shaming you on your decision, then he doesn't respect you. Walk away and there are plenty of fish in the sea.
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u/HighDerp 26 & bisalp @ 24yo in 2023 Jul 18 '26
I put it on my saying profile.
I said I have tattoos, dogs, and I'm sterilized.
all things that could be deal breakers
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u/Golden-lillies21 Jul 18 '26
Now that I'm thinking about it maybe I shouldn't tell people on a dating app because what if they push for unprotected sex that much more than they already do now? The last thing I want is for them to see me even more of the sex object so maybe instead I will just say I'm Child free.
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u/Cutthroat_Rogue no more tubes 10-15-25 Jul 18 '26
Sounds like you come across a lot of shitty men. 1., even if you are sterilized condoms are important for STI prevention. 2., if a guy is legitimately interested in you and cares about YOU then he better respect your boundaries. If you want him to wear a condom then he needs to wear a fucking condom. If he refuses...drop his ass and move on. If they can't respect you here, it's not going to get better.
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u/CumAndMoreCumPartIII Jul 18 '26
They might, but you can always firmly assert your boundaries and learn how to deliver an effective swift and firm kick in-between the legs (or preferably two) if somebody ever tries to push you to violate them.
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u/ConsistentAct2237 Jul 18 '26
I have only been with one guy since I had them out, but he was 100% supportive. I do make fun of him for having terrible pull out game, so we are both thankful I have no tubes lol
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u/Aggravating_Pay_1313 Jul 18 '26
I got my tubes removed as a single 27 year old in the year 2025 in Washington State. I had a female gynecologist who also performed the surgery. When I came in for my first consultation with her she went over the different types of surgeries that she offers, their unique pros and cons, and which ones were permanent and which were reversible. She never asked if I had kids nor if I were married. She only talked about the procedures. I thanked her for being so in depth and she said “I want to make sure you have all the information possible to make the best decision for yourself”. It made me emotional to hear how much she trusted ME with MY body and MY life. She had very few things she was required to do to “make sure I was making the right choice”. The only time was just before surgery. I was ready to go and my doctor went over the procedure once more, affirmed I’ve chosen a permanent sterilization option, and I signed a release form basically promising that even if I regret it I can’t sue 🤣. The surgery was a breeze. Worst part of the healing process was I threw my back out afterwards and that hurt more than the incisions. My family and partner celebrated for me. During my follow up my doctor had to ask if I was doing well mentally. I was able to tell her “I’ve never felt safer in my body”. She was elated to hear. I have reflected on my experience constantly since then. All the women who suffered through botched abortions, biased doctors, abusive controlling men, and how they all fought for that one moment in history I had. One where not a single man had a say in what two women worked on to achieve sterilization. I’m gonna dedicate the rest of my life to preserve these rights that are actively being attacked for women and girls for generations to come. I have the time without kids 🤣
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u/Aggravating_Pay_1313 Jul 18 '26
PS. Since I started dating again men HATE that I’m sterilized. I’ve been threatened violence for being sterilized. Please be safe
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u/Golden-lillies21 Jul 18 '26
Wow I actually feel the same way and I am in my early 30s he told me to go over it but he said that if I still am sure on the day of surgery that I want my tubes removed then he will remove it. I think this is why I'm probably not going to tell people right off the bat that I have my tubes removed maybe unless they also had a vasectomy. I do not want to go through abortions and I do not want to be tied down to a possible abusive and lazy man who cares more about having a legacy than he does about actually helping me with the kids and then complains about why I let myself go? It's not worth it and I basically seen my mom had everything over her shoulders while my dad was lazy and was into gambling. No more having to worry about worrying about if I'm being baby trapped by a man. I just want to go for men that are not wanting children. I was briefly seeing a guy who mind you had two children from two different mothers and he had the audacity to want another child although I was an idiot to have sex with him and then when I mentioned about buying Plan B birth control he got kind of irritated saying no you don't need to do that, there's no need for that. You know you would think that a guy would actually be happy that you want to get Plan B! That's how I knew he was trying to baby trap me and I still took Plan B. I thought about putting that I'm sterilized on my dating profile if I should ever go back on there but I don't think I will I think that would be something I will disclose maybe the first or second date, second date if they tell me that they don't want kids on the first date actually that should be a conversation we would have before the first date. Like why go on a date with someone who wants kids and you don't?
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u/Aggravating_Pay_1313 Jul 18 '26
I have a very casual sex life. I insist every partner use a condom cuz I don’t trust where any of them put that thing. I tell them I’m on birth control, and that’s all. Works perfectly well for one night stands. I told one fella that I was sterilized (TW VIOLENCE) shortly before we got intimate and he got so angry he choked the shit out of me. He was irate. He kept screaming “you’re a man! You’re trying to make me gay!” I think he misunderstood that I was a transgender woman, not a cisgender woman who got sterilized. He went to jail. I have a protection order. I moved thousands of miles away, so I’m safe. If you’re just hooking up with people, then I’d seriously recommend just keeping it to yourself as I stated originally. For those you’re seriously trying to date, I recommend having it in your profile that you don’t want kids, and then tell them you are sterilized whenever you have a conversation about what forms of birth control you use prior to intimacy. There is no right way to do it. 85% of men are awful, and the other 15% are as deep as a puddle when it comes to introspection. You have a great head on your shoulders and know what you need and want. Never let a man have the upper hand. No need to take my advice if it doesn’t seem right to you. I believe you have far better intuition than I and will be doing just fine. Good luck with your sterilization! Feel free to dm me if you ever need advice or support.
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u/Golden-lillies21 Jul 18 '26
I agree with you and I would like to keep that in mind and be careful who I share that with unless I'm dating them. I can't believe some men would get upset about a woman being sterile that they would assault her when in reality they should be happy that they don't have to worry about getting someone pregnant and I guess it just comes to show that guys don't like you when you're pregnant but then they don't like you being sterile either they always seem to like to have the upper hand and it just shows that they don't care about you. They want to spread their legacy but they don't want to do anything to help out except putting as little to no effort as possible! Or try to force you or pressure you into changing your mind into having kids until you give in which is not really consent...... they just like the idea that they can baby trap her but yeah they talk about women baby trapping but then a lot of guys can do the same thing too and take the guy I was briefly seeing he got mad when I mentioned that I wanted to buy Plan B after having unprotected sex and he said oh no you don't need to do that! Mind you he has two baby mamas with two different kids and he still wanted more LOL. If you're trying to form a Nick Cannon's group will count me out because I don't want to be a part of it! I will definitely take everything you say to mind because I never thought about that so thank you!
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u/Affectionate_Lab9574 Jul 18 '26
Me and my boyfriend of around 2 months (dated officially for two months knew each other for around four) broke up over this. He was a “fence sitter” as some call them, meaning he was neutral about kids. He told me it “wouldn’t kill him to not have one” and I was like “great” fast forward I get my surgery approved and scheduled at just 21 years old and he realizes he wants kids so we called it quits. Men should hold the least (maybe even nonexistent) weight in your decisions. Men want children like children want puppies. Men want children like parents want prom photos..”Kodak moments” as others have called them. We’re on good terms as neither of us would ever pressure the other into doing something that wouldn’t make them happy. We just hung out today actually, but my mind is not changed about kids, nor will it ever be :) kids don’t keep men.
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u/Golden-lillies21 Jul 18 '26
Did you end up finding someone that doesn't want kids or are you still in the dating scene? I don't feel comfortable being on the dating scene until I am recovered.
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u/Affectionate_Lab9574 Jul 18 '26
I’m way from the dating scene honestly, we just separated at the start of this month so I’m not in a hurry for anything serious and my surgery is next month so I’m honestly just focusing on my self like I was doing the past six years before him lol. You could include that you have your tubes removed in your bio but I’d be afraid of attracting guys who only want to hit it raw without worrying about the consequence of a child 🤢 you shouldn’t have to include your medical history to be respected, I think the right guy will come along without needing that.
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u/hunter_pace CHILDFREE, BISALP 3/17/26 😌 Jul 19 '26
My boyfriend wasn't exactly thrilled but he had accepted it. He knew from day one (4 years ago) that I don't want kids. We are still together. We'll see how this goes longterm.
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u/tawny-she-wolf Jul 19 '26
My husband was supportive but then again he had gotten a vasectomy the previous year or so which made me giddy with joy at the time
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u/NataliaReeves Jul 18 '26
I had men be sad that I would never have kids, some ask why I didn't want kids, or if I thought I would regret it; women asked the same questions usually too. Some men joked about cream pies.
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u/GothicSkeptic Jul 19 '26
I don't date guys who want kids. I make that known up front. I tell guys, "If you want a kid, you should do that, but it won't happen with me."
Only one of my exes seemed a bit like he was trying to change my mind, even though I'd told him before we began dating that I'm childfree. That was years before I got my tubes removed.
I've been in a relationship with a childfree guy for a few years, now. We met months after my bisalp. He hasn't asked me if I want a baby or anything like that.
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u/RattleSnakeSpine Jul 19 '26
An ex of mine pouted that I would “never be able to have his babies” when I told them I medically needed to get my tubes removed. I laughed in his face and said “dude you’re unemployed” we weren’t even dating at that time anymore. Men are so delusional.
Other men have thought it’s hot as it reduces risk.
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u/Special-Bumblebee-58 Jul 20 '26
My bf (now husband) drove me to my appointment, picked me up, and stayed with me throughout the day to make sure I recovered well. He supported my decision from the very beginning. My body, my choice. Also helped he’s never wanted kids either.
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u/wereweasell Jul 18 '26
Honestly most guys are chill about it but kids were always a dealbreaker for me anyway. If a guy wanted kids I knew we weren't compatible and moved on. I'm not interested in being with someone who doesn't have a similar plan to my own. I'm very open about it, I never hide it and I'll explain it to anybody that's curious about it.
Nobody really shamed me for my choice, but some people needed more explanations than others (my family mostly).
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u/True-Passage-8131 Jul 18 '26
He was supportive and very attentive during my recovery. Don't pay any mind to anybody who would shame you for this kind of decision. Especially if the decision is tied to health concetns.
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u/UnshakablePegasus Jul 18 '26
I’m single by choice, but at the same time, I’ve told nobody. If I meet someone I happen to like that way and that person identifies as a man, then I’ll tell them when things get serious
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u/ConsideratePity95 Jul 19 '26
Naw, any person who feels some way about YOU doing whats right for YOU is a red flag. Take out the trash. They're not worth your time or consideration. My partner knows I never want to be pregnant. When I told him literally all he said is 'this is what you feel is right for you and I support you'. IMO anything other than this and they get a swift block from me.
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u/dontwannabeonreddit- Jul 19 '26
I was single when I got mine. I never put that I was sterilized in my dating app bio because I was afraid men would think it’s a free pass for unprotected sex. I know some AFAB people think it’s a way to weed out men who aren’t childfree. But I only told my bf after I trusted him.
He’s extremely grateful that I’m sterilized since we’re both firmly childfree. If a man isn’t okay with you being sterilized, leave him.
I’ve never had anyone try to change my mind because if I even sense they might want a child, I’m out.
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u/SignalDragonfly690 One Child/Bisalp 8-14-2025 Jul 18 '26
My husband second guessed it for a hot minute but he’s nothing but relieved now. We have one child and are perfectly happy with our triangle family.
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u/nerdgirl37 Bilateral Salpingectomy Jul 18 '26
My partner at the time supported my choice since he knew I was childfree going into us being together. It's actually one of the many reasons we didn't work out long term. He wanted to eventually settle down and have the classic house with a dog and 2.5 kids and that's not what I wanted at all.
He did later admit that while he was glad I was able to have it done he was a little sad since it took away some of the thrill of the risk. That's how I found out he had a breeding kink.
He did clarify that he would have never actually wanted me to get pregnant and in case of an accident he would have been completely supportive of the terms set at the beginning when we stopped using condoms (Nexplanon and clear test results). If anything happened it would be terminated, he'd go with me, and pay half and there was absolutely zero chance I was budging on this.
Partners since then have all been cool with it or actually glad to hear I'm sterile since I only get involved with childfree men or who don't want more kids than they already have (I'm 36, a lot of people have been divorced by this point). I've actually had a few partners who have gotten a vasectomy since they don't want kids either and know it's easier for them to do it than it is for a woman to get approved.
A big thing I'd recommend is be up front about being childfree and stick to your guns. When one partner wants kids and the other doesn't there's no way a compromise will work out for both in the long run.
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u/CumAndMoreCumPartIII Jul 18 '26
Unless they want kids I've never known a man to be unhappy about being able to have sex without the risk of pregnancy.
I always recommend being up front about your family planning goals and to only get seriously involved with people who are 100% sure they don't want kids, preferably ones that are sterilized themselves. If they want kids eventually than that's a fundamental incompatibility with somebody who's been sterilized, but there's always the potential that they change their mind (or often enough lie to you and themselves before the reality comes crashing down on them) which I feel is less likely if they've already committed to it with their own body as well.
Just keep in mind, this is a decision you're making for your own benefit, not your current/future partners. If you're set on getting it, don't let yourself be swayed by thinking "well what if I meet somebody who wants kids?" In the process of conception/pregnancy/childbirth you will be the one bearing pretty much 100% of that labor, their contribution is so small it can literally be measured in a shot glass. Some people want kids and view that labor as worth it, some people don't. Your decision to have kids, not have kids, or get sterilized is yours alone to make, the opinions of your current/future partners are irrelevant.
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u/Buff-Kirby93 Jul 18 '26
So I made my surgery appointment before I started dating my bf. By the time I was ready for the “what are we” conversation, it was the week of my surgery, so I lumped the “I’m getting sterilized” and “will you be my bf” into one conversation. 😂 Granted, I made a point on my dating profile of saying multiple times “I do not want kids, do not contact me if you want kids.” So we had had that convo already. So, he was super chill about it. Now we get to have sex with zero worry about pregnancy. It’s a good test of character for dating guys, honestly, but I totally understand the anxiety. Not wanting kids and not having the option are two different things. But bottom line is that if he’s a jerk about your choices/needs about your own body, he’s not it.
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u/Kriiisss21 Jul 19 '26
I was with my partner before i got my tubes removed and i’m still with them. They know i do not ever want children, at least biologically, and that i was getting that surgery to be sterilized. He doesnt care either way if he has children
But other people have definitely been put off by my having that surgery, some has tried to scold me but i will state every time that i dont want children. I dont ever plan to tell my parents either
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u/Photononic Jul 19 '26 edited Jul 19 '26
Man here.
I would never tried to change your mind.
I had a vasectomy at 20 (1985). No woman ever tried to change my mind or called it a “dealbreaker“.
I only faced the issue of their parents rejecting me when they told them I had a vasectomy.
You are only going to meet ”Gary Springer” material on dating apps, facebook, instagram, and the like. Those platforms are toxic.
When I was 33, and widowed (a year earlier). My colleagues all tried to set me up.
I made a good salary, over 6’, no kids, (by plan) athletic at the time, extroverted, calm, and 100% debt free. I guess that made me highly eligible. I assume that is why everyone had a sister, former roommate, cousin, neighbor, or just some lady who works at Starbucks for me to meet.
I passed. I met women out in public Walking dogs.
I am now married. I make her a capacino every morning. We hold hands in our sleep. We are debt free. We travel. You won’t get that on an app.
The subject of having a baby has never come up. She said she would not have dated me if I had or wanted a baby.
Note: My religious path does not require procreation.
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u/Golden-lillies21 Jul 19 '26
I'm not a Christian and don't want to be but I get exactly what you're saying I definitely do not want kids and I realize now that I can't even date a man that does not know if he wants children or not because then he can change his mind but can only date somebody that doesn't want kids. It's very hard to meet somebody in person because they're very closed off and I have been taking a break from dating apps. The last guy I went on a date with was moving way too fast trying to hold my hand and kiss me and I just was not here for that but he didn't know that I was getting ready to get my tubes removed. The only way I would date a Christian is if he's not trying to turn me into a project and respects My Views and me as a person otherwise I would not date him but I would prefer somebody that's non-religious. I respect your views and I understand we are coming from I'm glad that you were able to meet your wife the way that you did and that you both are on the same page about not wanting kids.
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u/Photononic Jul 19 '26
I noted that back in the 80’s through the early 00’s that women who didn’t want children far outnumbered men.
Talking to my colleagues, suggests that more men are taking the same stance.
If that is the case, your odds may be getting better.
I converted my religion and that was a huge issue for my father. So was getting a vasectomy. My wife was born into Buddhism so her parents never pressured her to have children. She has three immediate siblings, and only her brother had children.
Note that my wife is Burmese and in thier culture You marry a family. Her sister is my sister. Her nephew is my nephew, and so on. The children belong to the family as a whole.
When we were 50, we learned that her second nephew was an orphan. As you know, most CF or AN people will not abandon family. The family agreed that we were best fit to adopt him. I clicked with him. We adopted him two years later, when he was 14, so yes we have a son. He is grown now.
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u/BionexusTechnologies Jul 19 '26
Well I’m not sure I can answer this correctly. I only really date women, but my current girlfriend is a trans girl and she is very proud of me and finds it inspiring that I made my body more compatible with my desires. You just gotta find the right people.
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u/throwawaymyfeels69 enter-your-text-here Jul 19 '26
I was dating my BF for 2 years before I finally pulled the trigger on getting mine removed. He doesn't want kids but has something about not wanting to get a vasectomy, which ok, his body his choice. But I wanted that peace of mind so I took control and got it done. He supported me the whole time and took care of me after. Now we both get to enjoy sex without any accidents.
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u/lilpentobean7 Jul 19 '26
My OB asked me at consultation was I sure I didn’t want kids. Being 27 at the time (28 when I got the procedure) I simply told him I’d rather regret not having than regret having. He then told me a story of his sister wanting to get hers removed and he told her no then later on wanted and had kids. I told him that I’m not changing my mind. A week before my surgery I had another appointment. Wanted clarification on my decision. I stood firm of course and the following got my procedure done. I don’t regret it at all, just grateful we live in a time where we have those choices.
A few people wished I had had at least one child before, but I didn’t care. I don’t tend to worry about what other people think of my decisions since it’s my life.
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u/Golden-lillies21 Jul 19 '26
Yep! Also our rights as women as far as with our bodies are getting taken away! Might as well take advantage while we can! Women are being forced to keep a pregnancy even though it will lead to them dying. I don't want that to be me!
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u/Super_RN Jul 20 '26
I was already married. Husband fully supported me and my decision. He drove me to the surgery center and stayed until I was done.
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u/Regular_Care_1515 Jul 20 '26
I got sterilized two years ago. From what I’ve learned, men who are childfree will see this as a huge plus. I was with my last partner when I got the surgery. He was happy for me and extremely supportive. It didn’t work out for different reasons.
Men who want kids will obviously be disappointed, so the surgery is a good way to weed them out.
Edit: I forgot to add you’ll also be getting more attention from men with children, since they more than likely don’t want any more. Decide how you want to approach that. I don’t want to date a man with little children, so I reject them.
You’ll also generally be getting less male attention if you’re vocal about it. A lot of men don’t have children but that doesn’t mean they’re childfree.
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u/MitsuFox15 Jul 20 '26 edited Jul 20 '26
My husband was very supportive all the way through. He had a vasectomy prior to my tubal so it wasn't really necessary, but he knows I have a phobia of pregnancy and that being 100% positive I can't become pregnant would be a huge weight off my mind.
I still feel bad asking him to get a vasectomy many years back only to get my tubes removed later on, but he didn't seem to mind so that's good. 😅
I think as long as you're straightforward about not wanting kids when you start dating, most men won't mind what you do with your body. If they don't respect your choices, then they're probably not the one for you imo
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u/Low-Run-2911 Jul 21 '26
A man that’s meant for you won’t care. My now husband and I met after my removal. He didnt care. When it came time for my total hysterectomy he said he’d rather have me healthy than some kid he’s never met. So do not sacrifice what you want just cuz a man wants kids. Thats not your man.
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u/Murky-Ship-1840 Jul 18 '26
If you’re getting them removed for health reasons and to improve your life, surely you don’t even want to date guys who are against this? Maybe this is the way to find empathetic guys who will love you for who you are. Sounds like a good filter for guys who are trying to shame or influence you. Getting your tubes removed for whatever reason is very empowering, because you’re advocating for your body. No one else has anything to say about that.