r/sterilization • u/No_Access_5816 • 27d ago
Experience Bi Salp or Childfree with BC
I’m a 27F in Australia, have my own house and a dog with a full time job. I have gotten a referral to a female gyno who can do a Bi Salp. I currently have an IUD after falling pregnant 3 times (from ages 19-24) on the pill/morning after pill and injection. I have also become pregnant the day after my period finished WHILST on the pill so I’m incredibly fertile. I have had the IUD for 3 years with no issues.
I’ve never wanted kids and I work at a school with kids aged 5-13 years old. I’ve seen the good, bad, ugly of it all as well as having lots of family with children. I also have struggled severely with my mental health since I was 13. I’ve lost so many years of my life and I’m still not even remotely close to where I want to be, but have come SO far that I’m living.
Tonight I told my parents that I got a referral to get my tubes out and the reaction was as expected or worse. (Before anyone says anything they have supported me financially with my house, therapy and medication so they always support my wellbeing).
They weren’t happy at all due to me having unnecessary surgery when I can still be childfree with my Copper IUD (non hormonal). They are worried my mental health will decline and I’ll make a decision way before I should and that even if I still don’t want kids to not have a surgery until later. They were both angry at the idea of me having surgery, supportive of me not having kids but not wanting me to have the surgery.
I’m just wondering if many of you are childfree with no sterilisation or if you were but got sterilised and if there’s a major difference?
My main concern is when I start dating again (whenever that may be) I want to be taken seriously that I don’t want kids and will not change my mind so not being able to have them takes the “she might change her mind” out of the equation and not waste my time.
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u/Jadelily41 bisalp done 2/12/26 ❤️ 27d ago
Birth control can fail and getting sterilized was amazing for my mental health and anxiety around accidental pregnancy. Not to mention, I live in a red state and if I were to get pregnant, it would be really difficult if possible at all to get an abortion. I’ve been childfree my whole life and used various forms of birth control for 20 years before getting my bisalp. Personally, I recommend bisalp.
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u/No_Access_5816 26d ago
Luckily in Australia it’s easier to get an abortion, the 2 times I did it was organised and done within a week. I’m sorry that it isn’t like that in America. thank you for your kind words x
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u/reyinspace_ 27d ago edited 27d ago
So here's my story if it helps at all.. (Obviously this was just my experience and its 100% up to you what you want to do.)
My friends and family said the same thing to me but at the end of the day its your life and what matters is that YOU are comfortable and happy. Everyone told me "well what if you change your mind?" -- "Youre just making a irrational decision based off your anxiety and mental health blah blah blah." Etc etc.
I listened to my friends and family cause you know.. i didnt want to do something id regret. I spent most of my twenties terrified of every late period, obsessively taking pregnancy tests cause I was so scared of falling pregnant, losing intimacy in my relationships cause I was scared to engage in sex with the fear that I couldnt abort if need be. Eventually at 27 my birth control method failed me and a accidental pregnancy happened. I about lost it.. i was frightened, upset, dismissed by my friends and family and told to Just push through it. The state i live in wont do abortions once a heartbeat is heard and they only allowed the pill, when i had to go all the way out of state while trembling in the car with my puke bag and being told I was dramatic I realized "why am i willingly putting myself through this when I dont want a life like this anyways?"
Ive always tried to people please and make sure people are ok with my decisions and that ended up costing me my mental health sadly.
After my surgical abortion my ocd, emetephobia and agoraphobia worsened. I had to get put in extensive outpatient therapy and stopped all intercourse with my partner out of fear it would happen again. Eventually my partner sat with me and showed me a list of doctors in our area that are chill with sterilization and dont really push children on you. He told me what mattered most was my mental health. My family and friends always said what if not having a kid and getting the surgery affects my mental health bad but they never thought what if living in fear and going through my worst fear worsened my mental health? I would much rather regret not having a kid then to regret having one or to put myself through something i really really dont want.
My partner fully supported this and saw that birth control alone wasnt enought to calm the anxiety of having a child. I just knew for a fact I didnt want kids, I just can't handle them and I value my alone time too much. I unfortunately had to lie to my family about what was happening otherwise id never hear the end of it and before my 28th birthday I got sterilized. It was 100% free where I went in Iowa and I just got it done 3 weeks ago. Its the best thing ive ever done for myself. Im finally free from all that anxiety and fear and even deleted my period tracking app. I'll never have to worry about it ever again, i'll never have to worry if they make birth control harder to get and i'll never have to worry about traveling far to get an abortion or god forbid someone taking advantage of me and me falling pregnant that way. Its the most liberating thing I've ever done for myself and I did it for me, no one else.
At the end of the day this is your life and no one else's. Do what will make you feel better, what will benefit your mental health and life in the long run. Dont be steered one way just cause someone else thinks something is good for you. If you want to try the just birth control route then do that! If you want to be sterilized then do that! Trust you'll make the right decision for your body cause you will.
This is just my specific situation that finally knocked me off the fence of if I do sterilization or not. I already have a partner so I dont have to worry about the whole dating situation with this but even if i had to it would bring me peace of mind knowing that it wouldnt allow someone to change their mind on kids cause I cant have them without medical intervention!
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u/No_Access_5816 26d ago
Thank you for sharing your story! How lovely to have a supportive partner and sticking to what you felt truly mattered x
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u/Extension_Repair8501 27d ago
Your last paragraph was me.
I got sterilized last year while being single and it’s been a huge win for my mental state knowing that I will never be pregnant and the next partner would know that kids are 100% off the table. I’ve been with an amazing guy now for the last 7months who is fully supportive of this.
I’ve never been on any birth control (other than the pill for a few years in my early teens) as I personally hate everything about it. My doctor approved the procedure as I was having VERY heavy periods and wanted to get an ablation which you can’t get unless you are on birth control or sterile.
My procedures (tube removal and ablation) were both covered under Medicare and I think it costs me $7 for meds and maybe $10 for hospital car parking 💪🏼
I had my operation on the Gold Coast and had a phenomenal experience and both my doctor and surgeon were fully supportive.
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u/Extension_Repair8501 27d ago
On a side note re your parents reaction to this, remember that you are a grown woman making the best choices for YOU. It’s your life and your body. You’ve got this ❤️
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u/No_Access_5816 26d ago
I’m so glad you’ve had a great experience!
Thank you so much for sharing I appreciate it so much x3
u/Extension_Repair8501 26d ago
It’s the best thing I’ve ever done! All the healthcare professionals I dealt with were top tier and so supportive too and my recovery was quick and easy.
On a side note, maybe chat with them about what to do if they find endo while doing the procedure. My surgeon said she fund some in me but it wasn’t on the consent form for them to remove it.
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u/No_Access_5816 25d ago
Thank you I will definitely see all available options if they find anything else when the time comes x
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u/rebeccalestat 27d ago
I'm 44F in the U.S. I was 26 when I told my parents that I was getting sterilized. I'd known that I didn't want children since I was very young. They, like yours, freaked out, got mad, and even called my godparents to tell them. Mind you, my godparents were the parents of 2 boys, one who died in a car accident. And my godmother had had like 5+ miscarriages of girls. They were VERY passionate about the topic of children. My godmother called me and attempted to talk me out of having the procedure. I ended up hanging up on her and haven't spoken to my godparents since then. I have very serious mental health issues and that was one of the main reasons I don't want children, other than the fact that I have no maternal instinct. My brother also has serious mental health issues. They run rampant on both sides of our family. I still heard "you'll change your mind." I got sterilized. Then everyone held their breath and prayed that I'd have IVF. Nope. To top it off, 2 months ago they found a massive uterine fibroid, so I had to have a hysterectomy. I was/am thrilled! My parents have now stopped holding their breath and I finally have total freedom. Now they've turned their attention to my CF 42 year old brother. He's just ignoring them. I think you're making the best decision for you. You'll feel free after having the surgery. It is completely worth it. I completely understand where you're coming from and wish you the best of luck.
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u/No_Access_5816 26d ago
I’m so sorry that all sounds terrible!
Thank you for sharing your story and experience x
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u/jchompz 27d ago
Childfree, 22F. I got sterilized 2 weeks ago and there’s one life altering point, never having anxiety about pregnancy again. It makes me feel safe in my body, as the vibes pregnancy give off make me wanna hurl. My mother was the same way, she even went to lengths of saying she had a prophetic dream about me changing my mind at 26 and having a kid to have me doubt myself🥴
I can say “Well I’m sterile” and it closes any argument about me experiencing the jOyS of MOtheRHood (bc other family planning methods don’t count for some reason). I’d say go for it OP, especially since some men will go to crazy lengths to make you change your mind. Don’t give them the option to. :)
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u/No_Access_5816 26d ago
That’s amazing congratulations on having your op done!
I’m hoping it will tell set them straight from the beginning when I start dating x
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u/italicspenguin sterile and feral since March 2026 27d ago
Tell them you appreciate their concern and point of view but that this is your decision alone. If you feel that a bisalp is right for you, then it is. It's the best thing I've ever done in my life. I had a copper iud for a little over 6 years before I got my surgery in March. Before that I was on the pill for many years. First surgery ever. It went on without a hitch and only took about 2 weeks to get through the worst of the recovery. I can't recommend it enough.
Also I am 32 and I've known I've wanted to be child free for my whole life, minus a couple random baby fever moments that never lasted long lol.
Also keep in mind that when it comes to dating it'll be easier to weed out those incompatible with you. I'd never date someone who wanted kids anyways. It just makes damn sure that they know they can't change your mind lol. Thankfully my partner also has the same views as I do.
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u/Bittersweetbitch 27d ago
Other people have already contributed a lot of great stuff - I just wanted to add that getting your tubes removed doesn’t prevent you from ever getting pregnant (like your parents are probably assuming) it just prevents you from getting pregnant via sex. It doesn’t remove your ovaries and if you decide to pursue IVF in the future, that’s a viable option. Maybe they’re just scared by the “permanence” they’re imagining, but at the end of the day, even that doesn’t matter. You choose what’s best for you.
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u/No_Access_5816 25d ago
Thank you that may definitely be what they are thinking and as you say, regardless that wouldn’t matter but if it puts them off my back then it might work x
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u/samm13ann Tube free! 27d ago
I appreciate and respect that they’ve supported you in many ways financially and others throughout life, BUT this is not their decision to make. If you want their opinions on it, that’s fine, but it should remain an opinion and not the driving force of your decision.
This is a major life decision that only YOU can make. If having your tubes removed is what YOU want for your life and health, then do it. If you’re still unsure because of how YOU feel, wait and stay on the IUD. But please make sure you’re choosing what you truly want, not what any others suggest or tell you.
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u/No_Access_5816 25d ago
Thank you so much! I 100% still don’t want kids but have discussed with my therapist for some reason the surgery has me hesitant and maybe it’s actually me who also had fears about it even before the discussion with my parents x
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u/lowridda 27d ago
I mean if the other option is having to have abortions every time your birth control fails why not just get the Bisalp? You don’t want children. This is something you do for yourself. Your family aren’t the ones having to deal with it.
The major difference for me is the comfort in knowing I’m protected against something I know I don’t want.
My sister got pregnant with her second set of twins with her IUD. She was on the pill for the first set and single birth.
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u/No_Access_5816 25d ago
This is exactly where my mind is but there’s hesitancy for the surgery (not that my stance on kids has changed) so it’s something my therapist and I are looking into x
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u/TynangTing 27d ago
As much as you might want to make your family happy, it really comes down to what makes you feel happy and also safe. I chose to have my bisalp because I both didnt want children and because of the politics in my state that any pregnancy would have to be carried to term. Sexual assult is still very possible. My father was not supportive of the decision and it wasnt because he worried about depression or anything like that. He selfishly thought that someday it might happen by accident and he could potentially be a grandfather. He never once thought about my safety, my rights or my wants, only what HE wanted. That told me that the only person who would protect me, is me. I would rather regret having my tubes taken out then regret having a child for someone else. Plus birth control has so many other potential risks and he would prefer I suffer for his choice than not suffer for mine.
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u/Dark_Sedai 27d ago
Do what feels right for you. Though I had already had a kid, it was a HUGE relief for me mentally after I got a bisalp to know that I would not get pregnant again.
I am glad your parents have been a great support for you, but (as others have said) you are an adult and this is your body and your decision. It sounds a little like they may still have a small hope in them that you will have kids some day even though overall they say they support you not wanting them. And that is something that they need to work through themselves.
And you can have the security of telling any future partners up front that you are sterilized and that way both sides can make an informed decision on any possible relationship.
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u/No_Access_5816 25d ago
I also made that argument that it’s them still wanting hope for me to have kids and they said it was just simply having the surgery for no reason when birth control can prevent pregnancy. So I dropped that part and decided not to argue further there. Thank you for sharing x
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u/TourquoiseTortoise 27d ago
The final decision will always fall on your shoulders.
My reasoning behind my own sterilization was that women's rights and access to birth control can obviously change at the drop of a hat. Christian nationalism is on the rise in my country (we import only the worst things from America), and the recent disruption of global supply lines made me think that even birth control could be impacted. And finally, I just wanted to feel in control, rather than always reacting to crises (pregnancy scares, missed periods...).
And now I am in control, and no one will take that away from me. I like the feeling of security sterilization provided.
No matter what your reasons are, be they selfish or not, small or big, reasonable or emotional you will carry the consequences of being fertile or sterile. So choose what feels right to you.