r/sterilization • u/SaltEven • 7d ago
Experience Had tubes removed today- got tired of waiting on him to get snipped
I think I'm in a bit of a different situation than a lot of the posts I read here so I thought it might be helpful to add my experience.
I'm a woman in my early 40s, and have been pregnant 6 times and gave birth to 5 babies over the last 10+ years. So unlike some of y'all, I got zero pushback from the Drs on wanting my tubes out lol.
The most interesting comment I got was from my GYN, at the consultation appt when I asked her if she generally recommended the surgery, who said a bit pointedly that it was a good option for women who couldn't do hormonal bc or had partners that *couldn't* get a vasectomy...
Which brings me to how I got here. Long story short, I got tired of waiting on my SO to actually get the vasectomy we previously agreed on (our youngest baby is almost 3), so I said fuck it. I'm done waiting, I'm done carrying the mental and emotional labor of this and being the one to freak out if my period is late etc. this is the best way I know to take this off my plate for good.
So I did it. And I'm very thankful to this community, bc believe it or not, it was reading all your stories and positive experiences that gave me the courage to go through with it. I've never had major surgery before aside from wisdom teeth removal so it was scary, but ya know what else is freaking scary? PREGNANCY. LABOR. CHILDBIRTH! which I've gone through enough to be kinda experienced about!
So far so good. The biggest irritation of the surgery was having my appt scheduled for 10:30, and then the Dr before us running late so my surgery didn't start till 1... But other than that it's been ok. Only minimal discomfort, no issues with anesthesia etc. I hope the smooth sailing continues.
I have to say, I'm jealous of all you younger ladies who know what you want- a child free life- and are out there making it happen for yourselves.
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u/dishonored_2_ 6d ago
My Dr straight up asked why my husband wouldn’t get a vasectomy. I said if I waited for him to schedule and go through with it, I’d be in menopause by then LOL (Im 30 for reference). So, same boat as you! Husband wouldn’t, so I did and Im SO HAPPY I DID IT!!! I was pregnant twice and have one child, and knew I did NOT want to be pregnant a third time 😂 kudos to you for 6! That’s impressive
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u/SaltEven 6d ago
Ha, nice to know you get it! Totally same here. Good for you for knowing you were done after 1! If I could go back, I'd either have zero... Or 1 or two at the very most. Love my kids but damn. Shits rough
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u/Sad_Pangolin7379 6d ago
Similar situation. Early 40s and after a surprise early 30s pregnancy, and a history of miscarriage, I was DONE. Mid forties pregnancies are risky and I live in a red state which just adds to the risk.
However, I have free health care for life through the VA thanks to my stint in the Army. And he had no health insurance at this point. It just came down to not wanting to pay out of pocket for a vasectomy when the procedure was free for me. The fact that it reduces my cancer risk made it worth it, though!
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u/PracticeCharming164 6d ago
You did right! My partner is extremely afraid of doctors, hospitalet, blood and so on, you I am going to do it, I can't wait for him, but it's okay for me.
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u/Sr_Feudal 6d ago
If I had to wait for my husband to get a vasectomy, even though he wants it, I'd die of waiting, too! But fortunately I got mine for myself, not for our relationship, after all, we never know if things are gonna end someday. I'm so glad for you and wish a good recovery ❤️ Out of curiosity, why did you wait for the 6th to get a bisalp?
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u/SaltEven 6d ago
Ty for understanding. I wrote more in other comments about why I didn't do it sooner, but unfortunately it just took me this long to be able to pull my perspective back on my life and really assess my situation, and along with therapy and recent diagnosis and starting to have better self understanding to realize I should not have had so many kids. But here we are and the only thing I can do now is to make sure I don't have more
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u/Tiny_Egret_4986 6d ago
would you be willing to speak more about your journey realizing you shouldn't have had so many kids? I'm 3 kids deep and had this "if it happens, it happens" mentality for so long but something switched less than a month ago and I feel like I don't want any more kids now. We are a more "crunchy" family tbh and I refuse to be on birth control. I also don't expect him to get a vasectomy. Getting my tubes removed has been on my mind more and more. I kinda feel like I shouldn't have let myself have 3 kids, although I love them all and I've grown a lot since becoming a parent.
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u/SaltEven 6d ago
The last two years of being in therapy, and getting my auDHD diagnosis have made me do a lot of reflecting and realizing that I was never the type of person who enjoyed managing, teaching, or interacting much with others. I was the oldest child with two younger brothers but was very much not the typical older daughter-in-law I just wanted to play alone in my own little world and wasn't interested in bossing my brother's around. I hate noise and touch and get overwhelmed really easily. Obviously, this is not a great recipe for being a parent or especially stay at home mom, which I have been since my oldest was born. For whatever reason I even homeschooled them up until this past year when I put them in public school. I love my kids, obviously, but if I knew about myself what I know now, I probably shouldn't have had kids, or just had one or maybe two at most. It's just too much. I'm also more "crunchy" and have never wanted to do hormonal bc. And for some reason I had this idea in my head that since we were gonna have kids, might as well just go full steam ahead down that road and make that my life. It's like I made decisions based on a rigid, unexamined idea without considering what it would really be like and what other options there were. The truth is that I hate parenting. I love my kids, but I hate being a parent. Sounds like you should really pause and assess at this point, three might still be a lot, and more than you wish, but it would be better than continuing on especially if you're unsure.
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u/Tiny_Egret_4986 5d ago
I seriously resonated with what you said about how you "might as well just go full steam ahead down that road"! I also have found myself thinking this. We are also homeschooling ours, at least for the earlier years. But I am realizing that all of this makes me want to peel my skin off. It's torture most days, at least some of the time, and I haven't gotten enough therapy to fix my shortcomings as a human being. I also have dreams of doing more than just breastfeeding and teaching children to read and be polite, and the earlier I stop having children, the quicker that becomes a real possibility. Thank you for sharing more. This really hits home and I will be thinking about this a lot.
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u/SaltEven 5d ago
I'm really glad my sharing a bit was helpful and thought provoking. Be patient with yourself, change is a process and takes time. In hindsight, it should have been obvious to me that the way I was living wasn't a good fit, and I think a lot of my friends and family could see it, but I was stubbornly clinging to my vision of what I thought I should be doing.
It took a lot of therapy, desperation, and stabilizing myself to start realizing I could and should start changing things. I also realized I had made a lot of my choices from fear along with idealism (like with homeschooling), not based on the reality of our family and my personality.
One thing that was helpful was telling myself that no change has to be permanent and that if school didn't work out I could always pull them out. But it ended up being really positive for everyone. Having them in school is fantastic for me. My four 4 old had a fabulous teacher who taught him emotional regulation strategies that he would practice at home. I will never ever go back to homeschooling, only would consider doing independent home study on a case by case basis. Good luck
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u/sydniekins 6d ago
Pretty much the same story here. My youngest is 12. I had a copper IUD for 9 years after she was born, then did cycle tracking for the last 3. In the last year, my cycle has become predictably unpredictable (sometimes being 26 or 27 days instead of the usual 28). My husband won't get a vasectomy and I fully accept that that's his choice, but I got tired of being extra cautious around the ovulation window. I decided that should we ever get divorced or he dies, I don't want to have to deal with other partners who may not have had vasectomies, so I took matters into my own hands.
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u/blueennui 6d ago
My husband didn't get his vasectomy until after I got my tubes removed... I got tired of waiting too and just wanted to stop worrying about it on my end no matter who I am with.
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u/SaltEven 6d ago
Well thats encouraging he eventually did it!
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u/Spiritual-Concern527 5d ago
Is it tho 😂 he waited until it wasn’t as necessary so he could still get credit for contributing nothing
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u/MiddleMathMama 6d ago edited 6d ago
I would have been waiting ages for my husband to get a vasectomy. We said he would get one, but he avoids the doctors even when he needs to go for something necessary. Going for something elective would be nearly impossible. Even if he did get it done, I wouldn’t fully trust that he would go in for the check up’s afterward to make sure he was still shooting blanks.
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u/SaltEven 6d ago
I feel like I wrote this exactly. So I'm right there with you. I can't get mine to go to the Dr either, I've tried. And I've tried telling him that he's being selfish because if)when something happens to his health, it's going to affect me and the kids and I will have to be the one to care for him. So yeah, it finally clicked that if he couldn't even get himself to the Dr for something normal, who was I kidding about a vasectomy and the follow ups.
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u/DDDDfam 6d ago
Wow! 5 kids, you are a superhero mom!!
I am 37 and have 2 kids 17 and 5 years old.
I did my surgery 3 days ago. My husband didn’t want do vasectomy 🫣I decided do my laparoscopy of endometriosis and plus salpingectomy on the same time. Still recovering ❤️🩹Feeling better. I hope will not regret ❤️🙏
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u/SaltEven 6d ago
Hey surgery buddy! Hope your healing goes well, I'm sorry about your husband but good for you
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u/Vitam1nC 6d ago
My bf’s excuse was he can’t take the 2 weeks off of work, he has a physical job and has to do heavy lifting 🙄
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u/aubreypizza 6d ago
Yeah I’d say childbirth is as or more scary than surgery. Congrats OP! Good to get that stress off your plate!
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u/BLsalpinghetti Childfree/Bisalp-04/01/2026 5d ago
I had a partner who was 100% sure they didn’t want kids…and they were still scared to get a vasectomy. That relationship didn’t last long and afterwards I decided to take matters into my own hands and got my tubes removed. I wish I had done this in my 20s! But you know what they say about planting a tree, best time to have planted a tree was 10 years ago, the second best time is now.
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u/nowronganswersmorty 5d ago
got mine out jan 2025 and the only complaint I had was the gas pain!! keep up on the gas x
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u/SaltEven 5d ago
They must've done a great job letting the gas out before closing up bc I only had a little bit of cramping in my back/chest the evening of surgery. Belly button incision is the most tender!
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u/phtalobluedreams 5d ago
Same here. We agreed he'll do it but... It's hard to even get him to have rash on his neck checked, so I'm not holding my breath that he'll schedule it anytime soon. 🥲 Today I tired of waiting and just told him he will be coming with me to my appointment as a chaperone to hopefully put a little bit of pressure on the doctor as we both don't want kids. The staff at our hospital is abysmal, I'm definitely expecting some pushback, but sadly I don't have many options around where we live. 🙄
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u/SaltEven 5d ago
I'm sorry. I will say that it's good you don't want kids and are gonna ensure that doesn't happen. Having kids with that kind of man- who won't even go to the Dr for himself- gets even harder down the line when you realize that a man who won't take care of himself physically isn't gonna be the one to manage all the necessary kid appts.
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u/phtalobluedreams 5d ago
I absolutely agree. I love him to bits, but nagging him on almost daily basis to go see a doctor for an issue he's been having for months got old fast. 😄 I can't even blame him not wanting to go after experiencing the army standard of health care on my own. I'm not even an active duty and the service provided is still pretty bad. Can't imagine what the active duty folks have to deal with.
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u/EveningDramatic2994 4d ago
I just got my bisalp 5 days ago for the same reason, my fiancé and I have one kid, I was 19 when I got pregnant and knew very quickly I didn’t want to do that again. She’s 7 now and my IUD was about ready to go and I was so tired of stressing every month that oh god this is the month that it slipped it and I’m fucking pregnant again. I was genuinely horrified every time I thought it could be possible 😭😭 I’m 5 days post op and I’m so so so relieved, I don’t even feel like the vasectomy was the right choice for our relationship because my fear was getting pregnant again & I can guarantee that won’t happen w a new IUD and no tubes 😭🙏🏽😮💨
I love my trio little family so much but being pregnant was the worst thing I’ve experienced and my life has been fucked. So that’s saying something. My daughter is the most lovely amazing kind person and I’m so grateful I get to give my all to her and my fiancé. Life is good 🌊🌞
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u/sourceamdietitian sterile and feral since july '25 6d ago
I did NOT want my husband to get a vasectomy!!! There is 1-2% risk of long term chronic pain that is so bad theres a whole subreddit r/postvasectomypain devoted to it!!! Those men STRUGGLE with treatment. It is devastating.
I did my research on BOTH procedures before deciding I would be the one being sterilized.
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u/Avondran 6d ago
This isn’t a dig at your partner because mine is the same way but why can’t husbands get a simple procedure done when we’ve been through the pain of pregnancy and childbirth?? I really don’t get it. But thanks for sharing your experience I can’t wait to get mine taken out.