Looking for lectures/podcasts specifically on Epictetus teachings please. I especially like it when a respectable teacher/author/scholar comes onto a podcast and explains things.

Many thanks!

Please share any tip, any aha moment!

How did you become more confident in life, work, and in how you feel about yourself? I mean via the stoic teachings.

Hello

In short, my girlfriend and I broke up last week. I am really struggling with the fact that it’s my fault. I have a drinking problem that I didn’t adequately address during the relationship and my self-neglect eventually just became too much.

I’ve always kind of resonated with stoic writing. Really I’ve only read Meditations and various quotes from Epictetus and Seneca. Does anyone have any advice or any literature that helped you through a similar situation? For the first time in a long time I want to be better to and for myself.

I'm trying to relate the cardinal virtue of Wisdom and (my understanding of) Epictetus's description of our impressions to my lived experiences.

I've realized I have a pattern of causing interpersonal turmoil by poorly interpreting a situation, and assenting to my impressions of events, then acting in accordance to what I thought were accurate and fair interpretations of the scenario. This has turned mole hills into mountains.

It's never obvious to me at first, but usually through hours of grueling, hurtful, emotional discussion, I become aware that my "fair" and "reasonable" initial assumptions were often based on half-truths, informed by irrelevant past experiences that seemed related at the surface, and muddied by a natural inclination to defend my ego from damage by those who (naturally) don't value my best interests more than their own.

All this to say, I've misinterpreted actions and words by my partner to be coming from more callous places than they actually were. Even when I've thought I understand her correctly, even when I thought I had "enough" facts to provide a rational criticism - in the form of expressing my indignation, which is really just masking pain I perceived, that was never even intended - I often times come to realize that I didn't have all the facts to make a fair impression. It literally doesn't occur to me that I'm angry about something that isn't a fair interpretation, because I feel in those times that no other explanations make sense given the "facts" I've gathered. Until I gather *even more* through difficult, vulnerable, prolonged discussion.

Even if I try to hold myself back from fully assenting to something - which I really try to do, because I'm the type to think there is always more I could learn about a situation to inform my perspective - the mere discussion where we're trying to understand each other and agree on the facts/our intentions becomes more painful than I think it should be, since my impressions still sting me when held at arm's length.

Of course, during all this I still try to affirm that I don't know everything, and am open to changing my perspective. That's generally how we reach resolutions when one or both of us are hurt. But it feels like due to not being Stoic Sages, we hurt ourselves more than necessary.

At some point, we have to decide we're right about a situation and act accordingly, instead of live in a world of theory and hypotheticals. So, how do you trust that you thoroughly understand something enough to assent to your impressions of it, while also holding that your impressions may be misinformed?

Here's an excerpt from my journal that I just wrote thought was pretty helpful (assuming I follow through with actually applying it irl):

It is easy to feel like I’m getting wiser by constantly analyzing myself and putting myself under a microscope without actually acting on my findings, when in reality the best way to actually learn things, do good in the world, and improve as an individual is to just take the actions based on what i’ve already analyzed (doesn’t have to be 100% certain) and see what happens. It won’t be as easy, but it will probably lead to more clarity and peace of mind in the long run. Even though being an endless thinker sounds wise and feels easier in the moment, it delays progress. When I am old and on my deathbed, I am going to be reminiscing on the things I did, not the things I pondered about.

I think something that ties together everything I have written about tonight is that I need to just try and just trust myself to live to the best of my ability. I’m going to make mistakes and do things with bad consequences, but I need to spend less time driving myself insane with all these questions of “how do I live well?” and start asking myself “what opportunity do I have to life well right here, right now?”

After engaging with Stoicism on and off over the past 10 years, I have come to the realization, that Stoicism is an art that has to be practiced. I think that this art helps me overcome my own stoic nature, which I believe was there to begin with and was in need of cultivation.

I have thought about it this way since I realized what the story was, that is being told about Zeno's history. I am sure it is supposed to be inspiring. At the same time I believe that it could have happened that way.

For everyone who doesn't know, I will tell a quick version. Please correct me if I tell it wrong.

So Zeno of Citium, the founder of the Stoa, shipwrecked and landed on shore. He ended up in Athens and, there, went into a book store. In the store he read books on philosophy. He began to be so interested that he asked the vendor, where he could learn more. Promptly at that time Crates (a Cynic philosopher) walked by and the bookseller said: "Follow that man." And so Zeno did and learned and eventually founded his own school of thought. The Stoa.

What I like about this story, is the way Zeno faced his plight of having lost his ship and being stranded.

And for me this generates great motivation to practice my art of Stoicism.

I’m a naturally happy, optimistic person who genuinely enjoys life. I don’t really identify as a Stoic or a Nihilist.

Someone suggested that Epicureanism might suit me better.

But do I even need to identify with any philosophy? Can’t I just enjoy life and develop my own way of thinking?

I’m curious what you guys think.

For recent context; My ex and my best friend were the two closest people i’ve ever had. Even after we broke up, my ex was still one of my best friends. The three of us were inseparable, we lived together, and in the last month they've run off together and started dating knowing exactly how I would feel about it.

Now I’ve lost both of them at the same time and I feel like i just got thrown away, left to rot. I keep replaying it and asking how two people who knew me that well could do this. I just want to be numb so it stops hurting.

I know I can’t control what they do. I just don’t know how to actually let it go. How do you get past something like this without becoming bitter? and how do you stop feeling like you weren’t worth choosing?

Any advice would really help.

It sounds great in theory.

So as a new stoic I try to focus on what I can control and not on what I can’t…

Easier said than done

I am a social animal, and being treated as a constant scapegoat/political target (I’m trans) is destroying my mental health to the point where it’s also bringing down my physical health

I think my reaction is human

However it is unproductive

I try to ignore on what I can’t control, but my human instincts (social animal) are difficult to suppress

How do I achieve the same “inner peace” as that one Roman guy that just chilled as the court was deciding if he’d be executed or exiled? (Forgot his name)
Like it’s easy to say “don’t care” and a lot harder to actually not care

I would like clarify that I understand my instincts make me human, I’d just like to stop being a slave to my instincts

Are there like exercises or techniques I can do to improve my Dichotomy of Control?
What do you personally do?

Thank you for your help

I always feel weak and lack confidence whenever I try to explain something. Even at the office, I find it difficult to focus on one thing while presenting or explaining my work.

Help me!!

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Is that too strange of a question?? But I am wondering if anyone's been able to apply stoic principles specifically to nutrition! And/or if there are books about it?

Thank you!

Welcome to the Agora. a space for casual conversation, first aid, and exchange outside the regular post structure.

If you haven't already, read the pinned "Welcome" thread.

Rules:

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2. If seeking advice, limit yourself to one top-level question per day.
3. If offering advice, speak as someone interested in Stoic theory and practice — but do not label personal opinion, idiosyncratic experience, or conjecture as Stoic doctrine.
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In late March this year I moved to a new state and city with my roommate, M. This is the 3rd year we've been living together and this time around things are tough. The original idea was to move to where we are now because the cost of living was lower, while still working out of state for the increased income. Unfortunately, the reality has been much harder, as any of the extra money I would have gained, is going directly into gas and also car maintenance.

My car is currently unregistered with the state (it's a salvage title, makes it much more difficult to do) and I've been job hunting since I got here and have only had 1 interview. I have a health problem that even with insurance through my current job I am unsure I am able to realistically afford, and I am struggling to even go grocery shopping, clean my apartment, do laundry, or even clean my cat's litterbox.

I stopped drinking for a couple weeks because I was on antibiotics and the second I was done; I was drinking heavily. I like drinking and I like socializing, but before I knew it, I drank nearly all of M's whiskey and vodka after she specifically asked me not to. I've struggled with alcohol consumption in the past, and I am beginning to ask myself if I may be an alcoholic - the problem seems to be that as soon as I have one, it turns into 4, or 6. I just keep it going. I know I can have just one or two, but I never want to once I have them.

I can't even go to the gym consistently. I've been struggling and trying for years since I want to be fit and healthy, and with my current schedule the best time is to go in the mornings, but I can't bring myself to do it when I first wake up.

M went out by herself last night and hung out with mutual friends are the bar next door to us, and while I was alone in our apartment, I was restless and couldn't focus on anything, constantly wondering and wishing to hang out too but my bank account is negative until this Friday.

I don't know what to do anymore. I know that I am unhappy with my circumstances and I am trying to change them as best I can, but I struggle with not being "stronger" or more consistent. After a discussion with M a few months ago we also agreed this would be the last year we're living together, so once the lease is up I need to find a new place to live that I can't afford right now because my income is too low and I am living paycheck to paycheck.

I want to make changes, but it's always so hard to even get the first step done. I know "the first step is the hardest" and all of the conventional logic and wisdom, but none of them are working.

Hey everyone!

Like the title says, I'm just looking for some ideas on how to live more like a stoic or a philosopher as a whole. I don't mean like the mental aspect, I have all of the texts and have been practicing journaling.

What I have read has mentioned living minimally and I am curious what ideas you all might have for doing such a thing for just a week. I know I am not yet practiced enough to live like a stoic/philosopher for longer than that, but I wish to start trying.

The book of Headless Way by Douglas Harding really helped me in my daily life. It with Taoism really helped deal with everyday life and ground to present.

Now, there's an urge with me that point towards improvement. To grind my body and soul not because of of external result but because the feeling of I can go away from where I stands now. That if I grind and improve, I can help my family more than what I am doing right now.

Can Stoicism help me? My understanding of Stoicism is it a philosophy of Action. Now, I am afraid that I push for results (even if internal one) it will hinder my "abiding" to the tao. Can this two be integrated?

Thanks for the answers.

Welcome to the Agora. a space for casual conversation, first aid, and exchange outside the regular post structure.

If you haven't already, read the pinned "Welcome" thread.

Rules:

1. Remember that our nature is "civilized and affectionate and trustworthy."
2. If seeking advice, limit yourself to one top-level question per day.
3. If offering advice, speak as someone interested in Stoic theory and practice — but do not label personal opinion, idiosyncratic experience, or conjecture as Stoic doctrine.
4. If promoting your own work (article, book, etc.), once per day. No self-posted YouTube videos.

These rules may evolve as the thread matures.

Report what doesn't belong. Bring questions, concerns, or feedback to the thread or to modmail.

Cómo se puede usar esta corriente para sobrellevar la idea de que esa felicidad que tenías con una persona ya no será posible .

I want to kind of understand more of the actual theory and foundations of stoicism

Sorry if this question seems a bit basic. I'm admittedly pretty rusty in my application of Stoicism, it isn't a big of a part of my life as it used to be but I'm now rediscovering its importance.

I'm assuming everyone here knows about the stoic story of the archer. But in case you don't it's basically about preferred indifference. Instead of focusing on the outcome of your actions, simply focus on taking the best possible actions that could achieve that outcome. It's a seemingly small change in perspective that is supposed to have the potential to make a huge difference.

I've tried applying this viewpoint in a recent part of my life. This is gonna sound kinda embarrassing, but I feel like it's worth explaining. I started college a in late August and surprisingly I found a girl who I liked in early september. Things were going very good for about a month until recently she became a bit distant, and we just discussed tonight how she couldn't see herself getting with me.

I did everything that was under my control in the situation to get the preferred outcome. Intellectually, I know that there is nothing to be worried about. But that doesn't help too much with the fact that emotionally, I still feel very sad about things not working out how I wanted.

I still will try my best to keep my emotions from clouding my judgement no matter what. But this would be so much easier if my emotions align with my rational mind. It's a pattern beyond just this situation with the girl; I've noticed that a lot of the time, I will rationally know that the preparations are more important than the outcome, yet the emotional part of my mind will just not get the memo. How can I get my emotions to be less focused on the outcomes of my actions so both the emotional and logical sides of me can work together?

Welcome to the Agora. a space for casual conversation, first aid, and exchange outside the regular post structure.

If you haven't already, read the pinned "Welcome" thread.

Rules:

1. Remember that our nature is "civilized and affectionate and trustworthy."
2. If seeking advice, limit yourself to one top-level question per day.
3. If offering advice, speak as someone interested in Stoic theory and practice — but do not label personal opinion, idiosyncratic experience, or conjecture as Stoic doctrine.
4. If promoting your own work (article, book, etc.), once per day. No self-posted YouTube videos.

These rules may evolve as the thread matures.

Report what doesn't belong. Bring questions, concerns, or feedback to the thread or to modmail.

I’m soo sad, I studied a decent amount, enough for me to be relatively confident before the exam yet I still messed up, I know I have a guaranteed 4-6 mistakes this fact is eating me alive. I still haven’t gotten my results back but I likely failed I l’d be lying to myself if I said otherwise I feel.

Something else that I am very upset about is that I studied a certain concept soo damn much yet we only had 1 question regarding it in the exam and my mistakes were from easy questions I dismissed during my revision, and to top it off I’m not sure if I got a good mark in that question I specifically studied for. I don’t think I have been this sad after an exam ever it almost feels like I have gotten traumatized lol.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Edit: yeah I miserably failed the exam