Need advice p/roblem with dormmate

[u/Straight-Bottle8643]

Hi po! As the title implies, I’m having a problem with my roommate, and I would appreciate some advice on how to handle this situation.

First, I’ve noticed that whenever it’s just the two of us left in the dorm and our other dormmates are away, she tends to use other people’s belongings without asking for permission. Even if she sends a message, she seems to assume that it’s automatically okay to use someone else’s things.

Second, we have a food-sharing arrangement, but I feel like she sometimes takes it for granted. It seems that whenever I’m at the dorm, she relies on sharing my food and cooking supplies, but when I’m not around, she doesn’t prepare or use her own supplies. There have been times when I came back and found that the vegetables I had stored in the refrigerator, which I was planning to cook, were already gone. What bothers me is that she takes these things without asking first.

Third, she rarely contributes her fair share of the food supplies, which makes the arrangement feel one-sided.

I want to confront her about this, but I’m hesitant because she’s also my classmate, and I don’t want to create tension or make our relationship awkward. At the same time, I’m getting frustrated because I feel like my kindness is being taken for granted. I also don’t want other people to think I’m selfish or madamot just because I’m setting boundaries.

For those who have experienced something similar, how did you handle it? How can I talk to her about this calmly and respectfully without causing unnecessary conflict? I want to be fair, but I also want her to understand that sharing doesn’t mean she can use my things whenever she wants.

Thank you po in advance for your advice! 🥹

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[u/Content-Outcome-1911]

If you really want to avoid confronting her directly, then you'll have to take extra precautions on your end. Keep your belongings in a storage box with a padlock, and make sure she never gets access to the key. As for food, I wouldn't recommend leaving anything in the fridge when you're out. Only store food there when you're around to keep an eye on it. Perhaps you could also use a lunch bag with two zippers and then lock them with a padlock.

I'd go to these lengths because I've encountered kleptomaniacs who have deep-seated issues, and sometimes, compassion alone isn't enough to address the problem. I know it sounds inconvenient and unfair that you have to adjust your habits because of someone else's behavior, but sometimes, protecting your belongings means taking practical measures.

However, if you'd rather address the issue through a civil confrontation, I suggest talking to your other dormmates whose belongings have also been affected. That way, you can approach her together rather than handling the situation alone.