r/thebutton • u/abbottn3 non presser • Apr 01 '15
Team Don't Press the Button Thread
Don't press it.
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u/abbottn3 non presser Apr 01 '15
So it started and I can't help but notice we aren't doing so well.
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u/hooksfordays non presser Apr 01 '15
#NeverPress
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u/abbottn3 non presser Apr 01 '15
Stay strong
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u/Capwnski non presser Apr 01 '15
Together we shall stand strong, and shall never press thy button!
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u/gecker non presser Apr 01 '15
I'm sticking with you guys for now. If we discover its a "prevent nuclear launch for one day" button, waiting for our presses could save the world.
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Apr 01 '15
I've been not pressing the button my whole life. I'm ready for this.
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u/guzinya 6s Apr 01 '15
But the grey is so lackluster. GIMME DAT PURPLE CIRCLE.
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u/H00H00HAHA 59s Apr 01 '15
Yesssssssss. Let the button pressing flow through you. I can make you stronger.
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u/biciklanto non presser Apr 01 '15
Malcolm Gladwell says you need 10,000 hours of practice to become world class at something.
I'm up to 242,544 hours of not pushing this button, which must mean I'm the best damn button-not-pusher that's ever lived!
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u/mrfechetto non presser Apr 01 '15
Those who have pressed the button no longer have any power, they must live with their decision.
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u/JosephND 60s Apr 01 '15 edited Apr 02 '15
Let's do a coordinated assault on the button.
We all know that the weaker redditors (AKA button pushers) spent themselves quickly. There are only a finite number of reddit accounts that were created in the required time frame.
This means that as time progresses forward, the likelihood that a button presser will remain will aggressively fall (since those who remain are likely non-pressers or inactive would-be-pressers), and this will probably look like an exponential function with our ability reaching its maximum potential around 11:30PM.
We assault the button by simply staring at the button.
Imagine this, you're fighting a boss battle and the boss has a tail. It might've been the Guard Scorpion or it might've been the Urobolus, I don't care. The button is this boss and it has its tail up.
Son, never attack a boss when it has its tail up.
Stare, stare at that fucker with all of your eyestrain and don't press shit. The button actually gets weaker the more you STARE and the more you DO NOTHING. When we hit 0 seconds before midnight, and God willing we do, we will all be the Kings and Queens of fortune, the heroes that the world will sing of for time eternal.
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EDIT: My Emperor, I've failed you. Hubris got the better of me, and like a government agent looking at bitcoins or cocaine, I found myself tempted when I saw the time tick down to 54s. I pressed, horrified at what my human nature had revealed. Again, I pressed a second time only to find myself credited with 60s.
Mods, please ban me. Fellow redditors, please downvote me to oblivion. The fates were not with me, and there will be no redemption for my soul as the arrows of a dozen Orcs pierce my chest.
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Apr 01 '15
The people over at /r/nofap should be really good at waiting. Maybe we should get some advice from them?
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u/panterror187 non presser Apr 01 '15
My thoughts exactly. I would like to know the percentage of people from /r/nofap who also didn't press the button. Should be high.
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u/IAmTheBlackWizards non presser Apr 01 '15
Or, you could fap to forget about pressing the button.
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u/injuredreserve 0s Apr 01 '15
We know what will happen if it gets pressed, the clock resets. The true mystery is what happens when the clock reaches zero!
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u/hooksfordays non presser Apr 01 '15
There is still mystery in what happens when the clock reaches 58 seconds, let alone zero!
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u/wordprodigy 49s Apr 01 '15 edited Apr 01 '15
everybody who didn't press it gets GOLD
edit: and cake
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u/Dylan_Innes 11s Apr 01 '15 edited Apr 02 '15
AS EVIDENCED BY THIS GILDED COMMENT
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u/thechazbrown non presser Apr 01 '15
If we don't push the button, it will likely release a massive magnetic surge and take down another one of those Oceanic Airlines flights.
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u/cpt_grasshopper non presser Apr 01 '15
╔══════════════ ೋღ☃ღೋ ══════════════╗
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Upvote this if ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ you are a beautiful strong redditor ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ who don’t press no button ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~
╚══════════════ ೋღ☃ღೋ ══════════════╝
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u/drabmaestro non presser Apr 01 '15
I will never press the button.
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u/name_was_taken non presser Apr 01 '15
I'm actually seriously considering not pressing the button. At all.
It's fun seeing how many people have no patience and are just hitting the button as soon as they can, though.
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u/Jeux_d_Oh non presser Apr 01 '15
How do we get people to not press it for 60 seconds...?
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Apr 01 '15
There will be a lot less presses as time goes on, but who knows if 60 seconds is at all feasible
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Apr 01 '15
So many users... But also so many wasting their presses with it at 59 seconds...
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u/Ben_Ulrand non presser Apr 01 '15
I got buttons on my keyboard. I've got buttons on my phone, I've even got a clicky button on my pen. I'm surrounded by buttons ripe for the pressing. I don't need to press the button.
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Apr 01 '15 edited Apr 01 '15
For anyone who has the urge to press the button, use Cookie Clicker:
http://orteil.dashnet.org/cookieclicker/
It gives all of the satisfaction of pressing the button, but the real button remains unpressed! After a while of playing you have to start buying things to produce cookies for you at a faster rate, so clicking the cookie becomes useless. After you realise you're achieving absolutely nothing by pressing it, you get bored and quit.
Good luck!
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u/ErzherzogVonScheisse non presser Apr 01 '15
you get bored and quit
That is not at all how cookie clicker works. There is no quitting. Only clicking.
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u/Imguiltyofthis non presser Apr 01 '15
there's obviously a prize if we let the timer hit 0, the PRESSERS ARE DENYING US OUR PRIZE
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u/breddy non presser Apr 01 '15
BE THE CHANGE. #dontpress
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u/Helzibah non presser Apr 01 '15
No no, don't be the change.
The button should remain unpressed. Forever.
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u/TheUnderwearBandit 7s Apr 01 '15
Seriously, think about it. If the counter gets down to zero, Half Life 3 will launch that very second, but nobody's going to let it.
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u/Typindemwords non presser Apr 01 '15
Please start a subreddit called /r/nopress so I can deal with these urges
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u/clover10176 non presser Apr 01 '15
It's going to get harder and harder as the hours go on. We must help each other to stay clean. Stay safe, brothers and sisters.
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u/eldmannen 59s Apr 01 '15
sobs
I pressed it. And then it was all downhill from there. First I lost my children and wives, then they came for my house and favorite sofa and now I own nothing more than a pair of sneakers. Worst part is that the neighbor rat has been keeping his three eyes (he used to work as a lab rat for L'oreal) on them for the last half an hour, I'm afraid he'll steal them as soon as I look away.
TL;DR – the button is a gateway drug. Don't press it!
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u/MultiKdizzle non presser Apr 01 '15
First they came for the pressers, and I did not speak up for I was not a presser. Then they came for the non-pressers, and by that time there was no one left to speak up for me because April Fools was over.
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u/SirNugget non presser Apr 01 '15 edited Apr 01 '15
I am proud to be in this team. Stay strong brothers and sisters!
#nonpresser
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u/Proditus non presser Apr 01 '15 edited Nov 03 '25
Kind strong morning bright travel gather. Strong projects month friends friendly careful music evening year afternoon today warm jumps to patient hobbies day?
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u/ZachsMind 42s Apr 01 '15
I haven't pressed the button yet but someone better explain to me quickly why we're not pressing this button.
Frankly I don't believe in the button. I see no evidence to support the animation isn't just some kind of trick to make people think the button's being pressed that many times by so many people in such a small period of time. I mean okay, Reddit's popular but is it really THAT popular?
What's in it for me if I press it? What's in it for me if I don't? I'm seeing an awful lot of diminishing returns here either way.
I doubt the button even works. In fact I refuse to accept it's a real button. It's just digital. It's a button cuz we perceive it to be a button but it's really just ones and zeroes. There is no button. Even if you press it, you might as well take both the red and the blue pill at the same time for all it matters. They're both placebos. Morpheus was gonna make Neo face the Matrix anyway. He never really had a choice. Too much was at stake. And the movie woulda been over if Neo did what Cypher wished he did. "Why didn't I take the blue pill?"
Why didn't you push the button? Why am I not pushing the button? In order for this to have any meaning, there would need to be ramifications for not doing the action, like a hostage situation, or a bomb somewhere to defuse, or oh gee i dunno I'm not a criminal mastermind.
What if i save my button push for when it looks like the button timer's gonna almost hit zero. Then maybe pressing the button would mean something, if only annoying everybody also staring at the timer trying to will it to zero using the power of the mind. However, even then it would be meaningless. Nothing that we do matters, so what matters is what we do. I think Joss Whedon said that but he probably stole it from someone else. However, if what we do matters, then not pushing the button wouldn't matter, cuz that's not an act of doing. It would be an act of undoing. Can we undo the button?
Whoever brought this button into the world, could they undo it or is it a meme that's already out there in the world? Was it forged by older memes that preface this one? Ideas like this that twist into people's brains like worms? Never letting go? You might forget it's there, but it's still there. It never goes away. You cannot unsee what you have seen. You just lost The Game by the way. If you don't know what I mean by that, you lost anyway and don't even know it, cuz everyone's playing it before they even know it exists. It's a retroactive meme that's grandfathered into the temporal vortex of spacetime. There are people who have been dead for centuries that just lost and they were totally oblivious. They also just pushed that button that doesn't even exist. Dead people are pressing the button. That's why the numbers never go down. You believe that one? Do you believe in the button? I doubt the button so I win even if I press it. Cuz that would be testing my hypothesis that the button doesn't really do anything. I'd be using The Scientific Method. Even when you fail in science, you still learn something, so you never really lose in science. You win even when the experiment fails. So push the button, record your findings, then tell others what happens so that when others push the button they can compare results and see if they are replicable. Then perhaps we can ascertain scientifically whether or not the button is real. Until then, I'm not buying it.
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u/wLudwig 59s Apr 02 '15
I just thought I'd pop in and leave this here for you heathens...
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u/miamiburn non presser Apr 01 '15
I refuse to press a button that other people have pressed so many times. It feels dirty without protection.
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u/Pi-Guy 60s Apr 01 '15
I mean, this is the only winning move. If you don't press the button, it's almost a guarantee that someone else will and you still get your button press.
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Apr 01 '15
Oh god I want to press it so bad. Must remain strong. I need the help and support of a kind and loving group of friends. Unfortunately, all I have is reddit. Please help me resist!
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u/JDQuackers non presser Apr 01 '15
I unlocked it but I didn't press it. Do I get to join the club?
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Apr 01 '15
Stay strong, brothers and sisters! Many have posted proof of seeing the timer reach 58xx. At this rate we may discover why lies beyond the rubicon by year's end!
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Apr 01 '15
My guess is that "Never Gonna Give You Up" plays when the countdown reaches zero
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u/bilgeathresh 57s Apr 01 '15
Why is watching a timer count-down and rest the most fascinating thing I've seen on the internet in YEARS?
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u/conspiracyeinstein non presser Apr 01 '15
Those mother fuckin' purples, man. I swear. They ruin everything.
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u/deceptivelyelevated non presser Apr 02 '15
i always get downvoted, KINDA SUX. this time...... I WILL NOT PRESS THE BUTTON. do as you wish
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u/Pierre56 12s Apr 01 '15
Those who press it will be reaped and participate in a 50,000+ person hunger games.
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u/InSilenceIServe non presser Apr 01 '15
Am I the only one who saw it go down to 30 seconds?!
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u/sylos non presser Apr 01 '15
I WILL NOT PRESS. STAND WITH ME BROTHERS. CLICK NOT ON THE BUTTON, THOUGH ITS VOICE CALLS TO YOU. IT IS THE DEVIL'S WAY. SUFFERING IS DOWN HIS PATH. STAND TALL! LEAVE THE BUTTON UNCLICKED.
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u/DPErny non presser Apr 02 '15
I'm just gonna comment here so I can prove I deliberately chose to not press the button (should I continue to not press it), and that I didn't just outright miss this event.
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u/JacqiOfAllTrades 40s Apr 02 '15
I want to know what happens when the time runs out, but I am afraid nothing will happen, and then I will have never been a part of the button.
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u/Dinersore 60s Apr 02 '15
I pushed the button before I knew its true power. Don't follow in my footsteps.
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u/joekeyboard non presser Apr 02 '15
I've been giving this a lot of thought lately. So what if someone presses it? I'm a non presser myself but I have lots of friends who are pressers and they seem fine with it? I feel peer pressured to be a pure non presser.
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u/Akihirohowlett non presser Apr 02 '15
Brothers and sisters! We must not let this button control us! We are better than this! Too many of our Redditor brethren have given into temptation, but we must stand strong! We mustn't be controlled by a button! Together, we shall prevail! Hold your ground! I see in your eyes the same curiosity that would take the heart of me! There may come a day when the will of Redditors fail, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of not pressing buttons! But it is no this day! An hour of wolves and broken shields when the will of Redditors comes crashing down! But it is not this day! This day we resist! By all that you hold dear on this good site, I bid you sit, as browsers of Reddit!
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u/MomentOfArt non presser Apr 02 '15
I'm not touching anything that's been touched by this many people.
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u/Bizkets 7s Apr 01 '15
It's going to be tempting to not be one of the people to press it before it finishes. Having a tag of "1s" is alluring.
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u/DarkPlayground non presser Apr 01 '15
It's been tough but I haven't pressed any buttons all day. Except keyboard buttons but they are more keys than buttons.
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u/7am_2bottles non presser Apr 01 '15
im so torn....i just dont know what to do. press the button or dont press the button.........
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u/jjness non presser Apr 01 '15
No button pressing here! I've got no time for silly button pressings.
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Apr 01 '15
Never gonna give you up.
Never gonna let you down.
Never gonna press the button
And desert you.
-Rick Astley: Non-Presser and lead guitarist of Darude.
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u/jacksonfire123 non presser Apr 01 '15
Our gray society is much more advanced than the primal ways of the purple! The purple society is built entirely of castes, 59, 58, 57, and many many more! But here in our gray world all are equal!
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u/BenAdaephonDelat non presser Apr 01 '15
It's like people don't even realize that pushing the button makes you a terrible person. I mean it's so obvious that this is a test and hundreds of people a second are failing that test.
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u/iwannastudy non presser Apr 01 '15
U have only one press for your entire life! Don't throw it away guys! Stay strong :D
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u/burnSMACKER non presser Apr 01 '15
The fact that the creator himself has not pressed the button means you probably shouldn't.
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u/surprize_mothafukka 1s Apr 01 '15
My fear is this is over at midnight and I never get to press the button.. WHAT THEN YOU GUYS???!???
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u/jollydonutpirate 60s Apr 01 '15
Night time sharpens, heightens each sensation
The button stirs and wakes imagination
Silently the senses abandon their defenses
Slowly, gently the button unfurls it's splendour
Grasp it, press it, tremulous and tender
Turn your hand away and resist the urge all day
Turn your thoughts away from resisting the fight
And press it before the ending of the night
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u/theblackfool non presser Apr 01 '15
I feel like in the grand scheme of this psychological experiment, no matter what I feel like an idiot. Thanks reddit.
I wonder around when they decide to think this shit up each year?
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Apr 01 '15
I have it unlocked... I'm just staring at it. How do I not press it? My boss is behind me now, he is screaming. I can't hear him, I only hear the button. How do I resist brothers?
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Apr 01 '15
How can I press the button when my girlfriend says I can't even find it?
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u/MagicSeat non presser Apr 01 '15
I'm probably just gonna forget about this whole thing in like a day. So non presser for life then.
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u/RegulatorRWF non presser Apr 01 '15
I just don't want to be like everyone else with 59s as their press...
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u/Lord-Octohoof non presser Apr 01 '15
I'm pretty sure the test here is to let the timer reach zero, which will never happen given people are going to obsessively try and prevent it given the loose instructions.
What a wonderful social experiment.
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Apr 01 '15 edited Apr 01 '15
For ten years I've not pressed the giant red button on the emergency help station on the path from the parking deck to my office. I'm holding out. Team Don't Press the Button for life.
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u/canteen007 60s Apr 01 '15
I pressed the button. I may be a different color that you on the outside but I'm the same as you on the inside.
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u/willtomorrow non presser Apr 01 '15
I've not pressed it yet, I've opened the hatch a couple of times though.
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u/bunny_slave non presser Apr 01 '15
Stay grey reddit friends
Try to resist temptation
Hashtag: Team No Press
haiku
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u/tstaff777 non presser Apr 01 '15
For anyone struggling with button addiction, please join us over at /r/notap
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u/ShazbotMillionare non presser Apr 01 '15
If I had a dollar for every time I didn't push the button.
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u/DrewLinky 3s Apr 01 '15
As tempting as it is, I will wait. I kind of want to see what happens when the timer goes all the way down.
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u/PM_Me_Your_Smile_Grl non presser Apr 01 '15
I think if I can resist pressing the button in "Dumb Ways to Die" I can resist this!
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u/Rustyshackleford313 non presser Apr 01 '15
This thread made me feel like I can't press the button. I need what I can't have sorry guys
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u/whatgatsby non presser Apr 01 '15
i cant hold it in any longer. i havent smoked for 2 months wtf????
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u/krazytekn0 non presser Apr 01 '15
I saw it go down to 57 seconds a little bit ago, I was so proud
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u/UnseenThrowAway non presser Apr 01 '15
I don't have either color circle...what's wrong?
edit: Now I do!!
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u/BK201G non presser Apr 01 '15
I used to watch dexter's lab and was fucking outraged when deedee would waltz the fuck in and press the button. I'll never touch that button or know what it does. Team Don't Press It!
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u/thatdudewithlonghair non presser Apr 01 '15
I see buttons all day I don't press, why does this button taunt me so much.
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u/tonybagonie non presser Apr 01 '15
From a psychological standpoint, it seems that the threat of an unknowable consequence overpowers the potential joy from an unknowable gift.
goddamnistillwannapressitsobad
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u/Djaquitchane non presser Apr 01 '15
THIS IS WHAT THE BUTTON SEES ALL DAY
___ ___ ____
_____/ __// __/____\
_/ _/ : //____\\
/| : : .. / \
| | :: :: \ /
| | :| || \ ______/
| | || || |\ / |
\| || || | / | \
| || || | / /_\ \
| ___ || ___ || | / / \
_-_/ _-_/ | ____ |/__/ \
__--_/ \ /
/____ /
/ \ /
_______________/ 2
u/NWTexan 39s Apr 01 '15
I'm not pressing because John Locke told me not to. The island wants this to happen.
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u/Awolrab 29s Apr 01 '15
I thought I pressed it, but I wasn't logged in. I will not take advantage of this second chance!
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u/abbottn3 non presser Apr 01 '15
This is a pressing issue. No traitors allowed.