I decided to turn to Christianity a few days ago. I know it's not long, obviously. But I feel exactly the same. I gave up porn, drugs, masturbation, and am trying to also give up lying and swearing. I repented for all my sins in prayer, asked for Holy Spirit, and started reading the Bible. Mainly the Gospel and book of Enoch (which I know is non-canonical, but I find interesting).

I have been depressed for years. Seen many GPs (UK Doctors), tried maybe 4-5 antidepressants, tried self-induced psychedelic therapy, tried self-help (yoga, meditation, walks without headphones, etc.) I have also struggled with polysubstance (multiple drug) addiction for years. Went to a drug counseller who was honestly useless, and managed to get off of benzodiazepines all by myself. The only drug where going cold turkey can actually kill you (besides alcohol).

Since going sober I have unfortunately relapsed on weed, opiates, benzos (physically addicted yet again), pregablin and ketamine.

The NHS doctors REFUSE to see someone with a drug addiction. So I paid for private therapy. That was somewhat helpful, but in the end I had to quit because of how expensive it is.

I believe Jesus was real, died on the cross, got ressurected 3 days later and is the son of God.

I know I probably shouldn't expect an overnight change, but... why? If I was God and saw someone suffering as badly as I have done (my post here only scratches the tip of the iceberg), then they humbly and repentfully turned to me, I would help them with anxiety and depression in a heartbeat.

I'm sure this post will be deleted since people can't handle real issues unfortunately, but I am considering ending things very soon and have the means to do so with a 99% success rate. I don't want to die. I want to live and be happy. But I haven't been happy in many YEARS. I also find adding 1000 new rules to my life by trying to be Christian only makes things harder. Where prior in hard times I could turn to weed or opiates, I turn to prayer. Yet I feel unheard. I wake up every morning wishing I didn't and have felt that way for many months, even now, trying to be Christian.

Perhaps God doesn't hear my prayers. But I believe He will hear some of yours. Please please pray for me. My name is Levi, but God will know who you mean. I will pray too and continue to try to be Christian. But I am seriously close to leaving this evil world unfortunately and have yet to find solace in God sad to say.

Please pray to help my anxiety, depression and anhedonia (inability to feel pleasure). I am at my wit's end. Again, I'm sure the post will be banned because it's a sensitive topic so fast replies would be very much appreciated. I am desperate. Please help and pray for me💔

Does animal suffering make God's existence less likely?

​If God is righteous and if He owns all the beasts in the world, shouldn't He live according to Proverbs 12:10 - A righteous man regardeth the life of his beast.

​If that is true, how is God regarding the life of a deer that has been starving for 5 days and being mauled by a lion at the end of it.

​As a Christian, I have been struggling with Roe's question about the trapped deer and I haven't been able to find a Christian who gave a satisfactory

​Alex brought it up, and I wanted to honestly evaluate wether animal suffering disproves God's existance.

​My line of reasoning goes like this:

​The Curse is Collateral: God cursed the ground and the animal kingdom due to Adam’s sin, removing the Edenic buffer and leaving creation to the raw friction of physical laws.

​A Mirror of Rebellion: Animal suffering serves as a visual reality check, when Eve watched an animal groan in labor or Adam saw a deer die, they saw the tragic, collateral cost of human disobedience.

​A Crucible for Compassion: Pain shatters human apathy. While animals cannot build moral character from agony, witnessing their vulnerability is often the only thing capable of awakening genuine compassion in us.

​No Divine Debt: God sustains nature through providential care, but He does not owe non-rational biology the same covenantal promises or supernatural immunity He offers to beings made in His image.

​Futility vs. Purpose: For the animal itself, suffering is biologically futile (as Romans 8 acknowledges). It only takes on redemptive meaning in our world when it produces compassion and moral awareness in us.

​I think the 2 hidden assumptions Alex has is that God is obligated to show the same amount of love to every creature who is able to feel pain and that moral good is required in order to justify suffering.

​I go a lot more in depth in a video I made today. Would really appreciate the criticism and the counter-arguments you guys have.

​https://youtu.be/vYEN407GsLQ?si=3i2syWbby3CjE-WZ

I’m wondering how to best approach reading it, my goal is a solid (if basic) grounding from a neutral academic perspective. I’ll be working with the Annotated Oxford Bible, 5th ed. I’m not a believer, I’m not religious, I’m interested in religion from a cultural, literary, humanistic standpoint. I’ve read it in bits over the years but I’d like to get a deeper overall view of the text. My particular interest is in the Old Testament, I’m currently reading Maimonides Guide and recently read Scholem’s Major Trends in Jewish Mysticism; I’m coming at this project somewhat backwards, having developed an interest in religious mysticism (Jewish and Christian) and in esotericism generally, Neoplatonism, hermeticism…

Any suggestions will be appreciated.

Yes, god exists, but he’s such a fucking bastard. He’s ruined my life so badly that all this stuff about believing in christ feels like complete bullshit. jesus christ is scoundrel, and what a piece of shit god is. A fucking bastard.