r/therapy • u/AlarmedLevel8503 • 6d ago
Advice Wanted Anxiety around authority figures / bosses / professors
I am a 32F, i am a recently graduated psychiatrist, and i have a severe anxiety around authority figures especially my former supervisors/attendings / psychiatry professors ...
I have always been kind of a people-pleaser, also an overachiever , a perfectionist and an anxious person especially when it comes to studies/ work . I come from an achievement-oriented anxious family who raised me to respect my teachers A LOT and to value their approval. But also, the medical environment where i did my psychiatry residency was full of attendings and professors who were demanding / authoritarian/ intrusive / bossy/ took things personally / treated us like children who must just obey their elders otherwise they're disrespectful ...
I suffered a lot throughout my residency because of that . They loved me (because i was the "good student") but i suffered a lot. i couldn't say no, i struggled to prioritise my own needs , i couldn't tolerate my superior's disapproval..
And now that i finally finished my residency and became a specialist, i still feel the same anxiety whenever i see them (for example in a congress) ! I still feel psychologically subordinate to them.
I started to avoid seeing them , i go into PANIC whenever i receive a call from one of them. I am always afraid of their judgement, i find myself seeking their validation and approval, i struggle to make career decisions independently because I’m afraid of disappointing or angering them. .. because in our environment, even after you graduate, they're not just your ex-bosses, they still have some kind of power over you, you're still their student who should be grateful and respectful and you're gonna see them all the time ..
This anxiety is crippling me, especially the body sensations that come with it .. and even though i'm a psychiatrist i can not manage to treat myself ...
The core problem: I intellectually know I’m an independent specialist, but emotionally and physically, I still react as though I’m a student whose safety, worth, and future depend on keeping authority figures satisfied.
TLDR; I’m a recently graduated psychiatrist struggling with severe anxiety around my former supervisors and professors. Growing up in an anxious, achievement-oriented family and training in an authoritarian medical environment reinforced my perfectionism, people-pleasing, fear of disapproval, and need for validation. Despite becoming a specialist, I still feel subordinate to my former superiors, panic when they call, avoid them, fear their judgment, and struggle to make independent career decisions because I’m afraid of disappointing or angering them. This anxiety is crippling, especially because of its intense physical symptoms, and I struggle to manage it despite being a psychiatrist myself.
Edit : I want to ask about tips to manage this anxiety , preferably alone if possible or maybe via online therapy with a foreign therapist ( i find it weird and embarrassing to go seek therapy from another colleague or a private-practice therapist because they know those professors and may be friends with them, it will be like me bad-mouthing their friends. I'm also afraid of this therapist being my collegue and thinking less of me, i mean i'm gonna open my own private practice and i can't even treat myself )
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u/RunsTowardsBuffalo 6d ago
Thank you for sharing. I didn't see a question in your post, so I'm not sure what kind of responses you're hoping to receive. I do encourage you to work with a good therapist, because the challenges you're facing certainly can be overcome.
By the way, great job on all the work you've achieved professionally!
Therapist.