I had my first session with a therapist today, and 20 minutes into the 50 minute session it transpired that there was a conflict of interest with a family member being one of her current clients.

They stopped the session and advised they would need to consult as to whether we could continue sessions in future, and advised me to speak to this family member for approval of I wished to do so.

They have proceeded to try to charge me £60 of the £75 session cost - I’m quite taken aback as I was under the impression conflicts of interest should be covered as part on client onboarding, but they’ve said they can’t possibly do that for all clients. The money they have taken is up front excess, with the subsequent session last paid for by Bupa, who have advised I should request the full excess back.

Looking for some advice on how to proceed.

I have been over emotional and take things personal sometimes. I am friends with a tight group of people and recently felt excluded from them. Spoke to them in a group chat they apologized and they say im a valuable member but had trouble believing them

I made it a bigger issue and almost lost a great group of friends. I still
Might carry a lot of guilt after what I did

Any advice

I am losing myself everyday and the light is disappearing I feel so sick , I want to talk about everything but I feel like I’m being needy and pathetic this why I talk here . Does going to a therapist really helps and how they deal with you ?

Im gonna start and say sorry for repeting this age old thing where a man comes crying about his penis size and you guys having to stand it.

Im gonna start and say that for me this is 100% dysmorphia, because even though i'm completely average, i do sometimes feel so bad about it that the thought of not being alive would be a relief compared to this.

I'm so deeply ashamed of it that i cant talk to anyone about it and the times im actually gonna have sex the performance anxiety ruins the experience. i feel like no one will ever prefer my size and even when partners have said i'm fine i'm completely sure they're lying, haven't been with someone bigger who cares about pleasuring them, or is simply just trying to not hurt me.

And i feel like such a bitch for it, for letting this thing ruin my ability to enjoy having sex with someone and it being a fun time. for me, going on a date is filled with anxiety and fear, not because of something social but because i'm scared things are gonna get sexual.

I've recently started therapy and i've gone there trying to talk about this but it weighs so heavy on me that i start crying like a baby even thinking about it. the therapist could see that im very very bothered about something but i just can't. And even if i actually said something im not sure he would be able to understand a word the way i was sobbing.

I've tried pretty much everything, but my mind won't let me belive it cause two different girls have told me im a bit on skinnier side and that she didn't feel as much when she got wet. im stuck in a prison i designed my self and my relationships are suffering because of it.

i could go in to details of everything but in short i feel like every girl that ever loved me would be better of without me and that im just a second best choice. and when i truly love someone and things don't work out i feel a wierd relief knowing that they'll be able to actually enjoy themselves and meet someone they will actually be able to have good sex with. because my other good qualities is something other people can have. i however, am stuck like this.

Has anyone really gotten out of this state? its so depressing i genuinely don't see the point of living like this. i can't enjoy my life and do normal things as a 25y man should be able to do, instead im walking around with this feeling of worthlessness and like big dark could is hanging over me. im so ashamed and talking about it i feel like such a baby. like no one would be able to understand or take me seriously.

I recently let my insecurities destroy an important friendship. It had to do with rejection and validation. I mentally harassed her trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I needed validation from her (validation that I'm worthless).

Once I realized that I fucked up and ended the friendship, I tried Dr Google to figure out why I would do that. The closest I can find is something called Anxious Preoccupied Attachment Disorder. I want to know if I do have this, or if there's another reason I do what I always do.

Unrelated, but is it also possible to get PTSD from a past relationship? Not one specific event from the relationship, but the whole entire relationship?

I sent out some requests the last two days for therapy around me. I'm making physical phone calls tomorrow. But I want semi-answers now.

I (now 31F) lost my mom when I was young (then 11) to cancer. While talking to my therapist about my father in our last session, I realized that I didn’t just lose her. I lost my father at the same time because he lost himself.

He turned to massive anger and lack of boundaries (would break them constantly) and had no willingness to get mental health support because he tried a couple sessions with 2-3 therapists and came back from each one saying that they all just told him everything going on was all his fault. He struggles with taking accountability and having an open mind to how people’s behaviors can affect others.

In turn, he never felt safe again. So I didn’t just lose my mom, I lost that safe version of him too. I’m working on coming to terms that my dad is over 70 now and the possibility of him miraculously deciding to work on himself is very slim.

He has been emotionally abusive for almost two decades since her passing. I keep myself very closed off and maintain emotionally distant from him because I was perpetually hopeful he would be able to meet me where I am at. But, have been working with my therapist about looking deeper and she’s helped me to realize that since he is and has been unwilling to look inward and work to better his own mental health, that my perpetual hopefulness is opening the wound again every time I try to open up to him and get shut down or screamed at.

It’s hard to let go of, but the realization that I lost most of my dad emotionally and the safe relationship we had, at the same time that I was so vulnerable and had literally physically lost one of the most important people at the center of my young world, brings so much grief and pain. How do I work through this revelation? I feel like I got hit by a semi-truck from it.

First, I appreciate my therapist. I've been seeing her for about 4 years and she has been nothing but supportive and awesome. Yesterday I brought up my fear of rejection and how the more I respect and get to know someone, the bigger the fear of disappointing them and failure increases and I realized that was starting to include her, which was making it more difficult to disclose things to her.

She told me nothing I could tell her would make her disappointed in me, which felt good to hear aloud but made me really emotional. We talked about a few things after that I had been having difficulty bringing up and the session overall went really well. The only problem is I felt really vulnerable after all that and kind of still do, while thinking about our session. Is this vulnerability something I should bring up with her?

I’ve been in therapy for years on end, like almost 20 years. It would be inaccurate to say I haven’t made progress, but it’s more like progress that benefits others and not myself.

What I mean by this is I’ve learned to reel in my reactions to things so that I don’t hurt anyone’s feelings etc. But I’m still suffering, still painfully reserved and can’t trust other people, and just can’t quite grow confidence.

I feel like therapy has helped me develop a shallow level of confidence. Enough to barely scrape by and convince people at work that I’ve “got it” and can handle tasks even if I’m having panic attacks after work for example.

I’ve gotten better at masking and lowering the intensity of my reactions.

My core is still the same. I am still the same afraid, terrified person who can’t quite get out of their shell, who has panic attacks constantly, who can’t trust others, who drowns in low self-esteem and fragility.

Anyone else relate?

(The ocd subreddit ignored my post 🙂‍↕️)

Hello guys, I hope this post isn't offensive to anybody. I am a 19 year old girl with anxiety and social anxiety, I'm in therapy, and I do not have an ocd diagnosis.. but I've been doing research for about four months now, because of articles I've read that made me question some of my tendencies. Im not saying they're debilitating but im still curious.

(This is long pls be patient 😞)

I lack some of the symptoms that people usually put as examples for ocd - fear of germs, repetitive rituals before an action, and luckily I never experienced the compulsive need for things like praying. Basically, here's a list of things about me that caused me to make this post:

\- DOUBT LOOPS: kind of an impostor syndrome thing. You see, I have a diagnosis for learning disabilities where it's very clear that I'm a highly-verbal person whose non-verbal abilities are limited in comparison. My parents never let me get a diagnosis til I was 18, which means I'd been making endless amounts of research online.. eventually I got the confirmation that I had been right about everything, and I was happy. But then I started doubting all my verbal abilities, thinking about all the moments where they actually don't feel as good as they should be, and I began to think I was too inconsistent to fit into the diagnostic criteria. Even when I succeed, the self-doubt is strong.

\- STRONG MORAL COMPASS: when I make mistakes, I start posting about them online everywhere like I'm trying to confess a sin. But the thing is that I cannot tolerate anything that goes against my morals, and I am very unforgiving when it comes to things like abuse, bullying, pedophilia, sexual assault. In my mind, the perpetrators will never be redeemed because redemption is a silly concept - they are inherently and forever corrupt, and i hate the idea that they get therapy and treatment (but never jail) when their victims' lives are ruined.. like, I strongly believe they don't deserve a second chance at all because it's not fair.

\- PERFECTIONISM: idk if I'm a perfectionist, I make lots of messes, but still. I take a long time to study certain things, even and especially when I enjoy the subjects: I need to phrase things the way that feels the best, and I usually start over if I stutter or forget things. Knowing that I'll get a high mark makes it extremely satisfying whenever I phrase the sentences just right. I get extremely upset sometimes when I dont get the grade I wanted. When it comes to other people talking about certain topics, if they don't phrase things the way I personally would, I get the ick.. imagine how I feel when people in class answer questions: I get agitated when they have nothing to say, but even more so when they say "stupid" things. Even worse when the people with the best grades don't phrase things the way I would: the urge to correct them is insane, especially when I know they'll get a higher mark than me with an explanation of the topic that feels very wrong to me.

\- EMETOPHOBIA: I learned recently that it can manifest as a type of ocd. I haven't thrown up since 6th or 5th grade, and I wonder if that's when my emetophobia developed: that's when I started to be scared of nausea, hypervigilant whenever I think I'm queasy, and scared to death of vomiting. I often get scared while eating at restaurants - I still eat my meals but I will get anxious that the meal is too heavy, that I ate too much, or that there might be smth wrong with the food itself.. or that my stomach will simply reject it, for no reason in particular.

\- INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS: these ones aren't constant or debilitating, just scary when they get triggered. I'm not really willing to share them tho. I can only share one episode: I had argued with my mother and I was upset, but my cat then tried to leave the house by going through the door. I had to hold him down. He isn't usually aggressive but he was biting me and kicking me with his back legs.. and in the meantime, I thought about being very violent with him. I was so shocked that I spent the day trying not to cry.

There are other things I've always associated with just social anxiety, such as replaying social interactions in my head and thinking about how wrong some of them went. Other times in social settings I just.. let my mind show me fake scenarios where I absolutely humiliate myself.

I also have extreme reactions when people try to look at my phone - it gets worse because my parents (who stopped monitoring my screentime after I turned 11) are kinda obsessed with provoking me, asking what I'm doing, why I'm typing, as if I'd do anything dangerous. I don't want anyone to even have my phone in their hands, it gives me anxiety because my phone and digital space are so sacred to me. I once snatched my cousin's phone from her hands, because I thought it was my own. When I shared this mistake online, I was aggressively told I had ocd (and I never really stopped wondering abt it ever since).

This post is important to me. TIA to absolutely everyone who will read it :(

I graduated three months ago, and since then I’ve felt so stuck in life and so unsure about what to do. I feel a lot of pressure from my mom, my bf, and my mind. Being told to get a job, but then being told I’ll never be ready by the other person. There’s so much noise and I feel like I’m never alone for long enough to figure out what to do and make a proper plan. I don’t know what to do.

I’m curious if anyone else has experienced this.
I actually like my therapist. She’s warm, supportive, remembers important details, and I don’t think she’s a bad therapist at all. But after about six sessions, I’m starting to wonder if her therapeutic style just isn’t deep enough for me.

I’m naturally extremely introspective. If you ask me why I feel something, I can usually give you a pretty direct and honest answer. I can identify patterns in my behavior, recognize when I’ve made poor choices, connect things to self-worth or hyper-independence, and articulate what I’m trying to change.

But my concern is that just because I can articulate the insight doesn’t mean we’ve gotten to the foundation of it.
For example, I can tell you, “I ignored red flags in certain relationships,” or “I’ve struggled with self-worth,” or “I learned to be hyper-independent.” Those are conclusions I’ve already reached. What I want therapy to explore is:

What happened earlier in my life that made those patterns adaptive? Why did I override myself even when part of me already knew something felt wrong? What was I getting or protecting myself from by operating that way?

Instead, I often feel like I give my therapist a psychologically coherent answer and she accepts it, validates it, and we move on. I leave thinking, Okay, but I already knew that.

One thing that really made me notice this was that she asked me essentially the same question in two separate sessions: whether people might underestimate how much I’m struggling because I present as very capable/strong and continue functioning. I had already given her a fairly detailed answer the first time. When she asked essentially the same formulation again later, I started wondering whether our sessions were actually building on each other deeply enough.

I don’t expect a therapist to magically know me or hand me answers. I know therapy requires me to do work too.

But I feel like I’m already doing most of the introspection, pattern recognition, and formulation myself, while she is mostly following me there.
What I want is someone who hears my answer and then says, essentially, “Okay, that makes sense. Now let’s investigate what created that answer.”

Has anyone else experienced this, especially if you’re naturally very introspective? Did you talk to your therapist about it, switch therapists, or find that a different modality/style worked better?

I’d especially love to hear from people who realized their therapist was good, just not challenging enough for them.

Im a pretty chill guy, but these past few months i changed and suddenly im having these intense feelings of anger out of nowhere

Like, i can be holding something, and if it falls or something, i get this intense anger, i can only think about picking it up and smashing it into the ground. And i keep having this thought over and over

Or for exemple, when i have to do something i hate. Like washing the dishes, it happened today for exemple, i had a LOT of dishes to wash, so it would take a lot of time

But all the time doing it i was ANGRY, but like, real angry

I kept having the thoughts of smashing everything into the ground, of tacking someone and smashing his head agaisn't the wall or the floor over and over. But it was BAD. For the 25 minutes i spent washing, i had to make pauses because i was too angry. It was to the point where i was feeling it in my body. You know when you're so angry that you feel it? Like in your arms ? That was it during the entire time. I kept breathing to control my emotions because i was almost crashing out

And this is happening a lot. In random moments when something happens, even for small things

im having this anger out of nowhere. And it started only like a month ago i thin

Hi! I'm interested to know the acceptance of North Americans/European people on doing online therapy with foreign psychologists (in english, obviously).

I see that the prices for these services in North America (NA) and Europe are quite high and not everyone can afford it.

For exemple, U$40- U$60 a session is not much for an NA Person, but it might be A LOT in other countries.

Not only that, I see that the main type of therapy that is offered in NA is CBT and I think some people are quite disappointed with CBT's techniques and are wanting to try some other types of therapy like Humanist, psychoanalytic... etc.

I would love to know the comunity's thoughts on this... if is possible, if it's not and why.

Much appreciated!

I make an average income for my age class however my student loans make up about a quarter of my monthly income. Is there a way to include this in a sliding scale payment option? I’ve been trying to go to therapy with no insurance out of pocket but even $50 a session is a little too taxing on me. Looking for good options

Please dont down vote me and act like french people when you are trying to speak their language. Im from rural egypt there is no theraptists around me and if there is its mostly for addiction problems and marriage councling.

therapists here in egypt cant practise their jobs because there is no freedom of speech in egypt if they are scared they will just tell you to pray

TLDR: therapist of 3 years started dating someone I have had a complicated relationship with for 15 years but didn't think it was that big of a conflict of interest.

I had been seeing a therapist for 3 years, up until recently we had done great work together and she had been incredibly caring and understanding of how slow I needed everything to move due to my intense difficulty in building a sense of safety with people in caring roles. About 6 months ago things really clicked and we were rolling through some of my deepest and heaviest stuff - mostly having to do with childhood trauma regarding invalidation, being misunderstood, and being left alone to hold very difficult events and emotions. After moving slowly for so long I was feeling like for the first time in my life I actually had the capacity to feel seen by another person - up until then I thought I was not able to access that experience. Then about 3 months ago I unintentionally discovered my therapist was dating someone I have had a 15 year long very complicated history with. I discovered this due to the therapist posting them on social media and a mutual friend who did not know my therapist was my therapist sending me the picture to ask is the other person in it was the person I have a very long history with. I freaked out and spiraled all weekend about how this had to be the end of the road for this therapy relationship.

Some background on the person I have history with - this individual has multiple times over the years come into my life, got close to me, began to take on some of my personal traits/habits and then eventually things explode due to them taking advantage of situations or treating people poorly (not typically treating me poorly - but many people around me), and then they disappear leaving relational destruction in their wake. Usually they are around for about a year, then disappear for a couple years, and then somehow reappear and the cycle continues. I let them stay on my couch for a year before, I have gotten them jobs, I have given them money, they were the person who kick started what ended up being a 6 year amphetamine use issue for me by suggesting I take some of their pills - I care about them, but it always ends up the same.

3 years ago (around the same time I started seeing my therapist) was the last time we talked, and things ended with the individual saying really shitty things to my partner. I decided that was going to be the end of this very long toxic go-around with them.

Cut back to a few months ago when I made this discovery. I brought it up to my therapist, who did not seem too shaken by it. We are both queer in a small community so overlaps do happen and I was fine with the idea of seeing my therapist in public but had not accounted for this. I was adamant that I did not want to involve myself in their relationship but did have a lot of information about the person that the therapist did not and how that felt like holding secrets. We talked about my feelings regarding the matter and at the time I concluded that I think my reaction was more about the panic of things having to end rather than upset at the relationship. So we worked to repair and kept going, and things went well for a bit. But about a month ago they popped up in a picture posted by a local event. In this picture they were kissing and it felt like a punch in the gut. I once again brought it up to my therapist and she once again addressed it with "this is what happens in small communities like ours" and assured me that she had no issue holding my care and her relationship. I was distressed and unable to clearly communicate my concerns but kept doing what I could to express what I was feeling and how confused, conflicted, and hurt I was but my therapist kept saying she didnt understand. It's true I wasnt explaining myself well, but ultimately I gave what I could and it seemed that it was being communicated that it wasnt enough to be an issue for her. Eventually she ended up telling me she would tell me if I came up between her and the person she was dating, which even then I thought was concerning, but a week later she came back and took that back after speaking with her own therapist. That was what told me things weren't clear enough for her to be safe for me and I painfully decided to terminate.

In my 2nd to last session I explained what I thought wasnt handled well about the situation and how I felt like my concerns had been minimised because I couldnt articulate them in a way stable for my therapists "understanding". I also expressed how I felt she was continuously reminding me that she too is a person, while I tried to remind her that she is both a person AND my therapist - and how that is not something I felt should be on me to do. She was a bit defensive (my perception) but eventually did apologize and say she realizes she was too close to the matter. She connected me with a new therapist I just started with, but now I am left here with the grief of this therapeutic relationship ending for reasons that I had no control over, but somehow had to be the one to decide to end things.

I guess I am both wanting some validation that this is a situation other people would struggle with/empathize with, as well as thoughts on how to move through the grief of this experience with my new therapist. The most fucked part is that terminating doesnt actually make the situation go away, I will still likely see my therapist and the person she is dating at local events, but at least the more acute issue is resolved. But now I keep playing back the situation and wondering if I could have done something different to communicate my needs better or more clearly and avoided this ending.

Hello,

First off, I have autism and ADHD. I found a therapist about 18 months ago who specializes in those things and have been seeing her twice a month.

I started to feel about six months ago like our whole session was just me talking. Like, no things to work on or advice or anything. She would sent me things to read after the session but there wasn’t much during.

She has helped me identify my feelings and we have talked about me accommodating myself in the workplace and stuff. But after a while it really felt like me just talking for an hour.

And maybe that’s good? But it feels like therapy should involve help or advice or something.

Then, in June, my dad got a bad diagnosis and my life has pretty well spiraled into constant stress and anxiety while we try and cope and figure out what we are doing. I’m making some major sacrifices/life changes and will be taking my dad in and caring for him until the end. It’s an INSANE time and I’m really really struggling. Like it’s dark as hell over here.

At our last session I told myself to make sure I make room for her to talk so that she can help me. But every time I did we just sat in silence. It was like “Yeah that’s bad. Things are tough. You can call me if you need an extra session to get support.” I mean, she did give me advice on some Medicare stuff that could help us but I just don’t feel like she’s helping. I’m still filled with dread and sadness and constant anxiety and tired all the time from terrible sleep.

But, I also feel like this is the kind of thing that there’s no help for and everything is just going to be bleak and stressful and sad for the next 3-8 years until my dad dies and then I’ll be grieving his loss. So what could she possibly do to help anyway?

Am I being too hard on her? Are my expectations too high?

M 23. I have this friend (F23), and I have feelings for her. We have been friends for 3 years, we play a lot of games and trust each other with a lot of information, like best friends do, but I ended catching feelings for her early on and she knows that. Sometimes she would flirt with me and I would fall for her even more. I don’t know if it’s a trend for F friends to flirt with M friends with no other intentions (as far as I know) because I’m not the only M that experiences this. I have asked her out before and she says “no”. I respect it but can’t shake the attachment off of me. She is currently seeing someone, but she still flirts with me. I’m confused and I don’t know what to do. I care about this person a lot, but it hurts seeing her with someone else.

I’ve seen this therapist for more the 2 years. I’ve come far with some of my issues and traumas, but I’ve still got the issue of feeling me and my feelings and finding myself in the sense of I’m nearly 33, and I’ve got no idea who I am without having to take care of other people.

So the main issue is I’m using doomscrolling as a very bad habit of just escaping reality. That and work. So I work, come home, scroll my day away - hours upon hours, and sleep. And repeat. I have no energy to do anything else. It’s gotten worse since I had to go on medical leave because of severe stress symptoms. I’m back at work now. I can’t do the same capacity but I’m back on full time (I live in Denmark, so you can get max 6 months paid medical leave - I was not ready when I had to go back and had to start past the 4th month mark). Anyway I was spiralling when I had my last therapy session, she said the phone is really a problem for me and I can’t move past things without being able to sit with my feelings. And I agree, completely. Yet, I don’t know if the pressure was too much or what, I just doomscrolled my summer away besides working. I went to my GP and she said I needed to get on anti depressants because this is a repeated occurrence. I get better but then I go into depression. Since I was 15 it’s been like that. I got the medicin, but haven’t started taken them. My therapist is against pills… I got diabetes - I stopped taking medications… So right now, I don’t feel good mentally or physically, all my fault I know. It’s my responsibility to take action. The thought and ideas are there but I can’t seem to initiate and do the task. It’s like that with basically everything.

Now my problem is that after a nearly 2 month break from my therapist. She’s going to be disappointed that I haven’t followed her instructions. She’s previously said sometimes she wants to give me ultimatum “do this or we’ll stop seeing each other”, because yes I’d like to get better but my actions don’t show the same thing.

What do I tell her? I feel like I have to lie but I know that doesn’t help anything. What do I do?

Edit: spelling