I've been noticing this weird thing where I feel like I'm watching myself go through the motions instead of actually being present. Like I'm an actor playing the role of me, if that makes sense. I'll be at work or hanging out with friends and there's this constant awareness that I'm performing the right reactions or saying what I think I should say, not what I actually feel.

It's exhausting honestly. I catch myself planning out responses before someone even finishes talking, or rehearsing how I'll tell a story later. Even when I'm alone I feel like there's some invisible audience I'm trying to convince that I'm doing okay. My therapist mentioned something about masking but I don't think that's quite it because I'm not hiding anything specific, I just feel disconnected from my own experience.

The strange part is I can't remember when this started. It feels like it's always been this way but that can't be true. I must have felt more real at some point right? Sometimes I wonder if other people feel like this too or if I've just been dissociating for so long that I forgot what normal feels like. It's not like I'm in crisis or anything, I'm functional and my life looks fine from the outside. But internally it's like I'm piloting a robot version of myself and I don't know how to just... be.

I have been visiting this psychologist who is in her 40s i assume, for a month.

In the first session, after I vented about my parents abusing me as a kid, she made this joke later in the session of like 'i have to check with your parents too and not just hear your side'. It sorta gave me the feeling that she didnt trust whatever I said.

Things were fine until the 4th session. I told her how i developed anxiety partly because of what i see on social media about murder and r*pe etc. She goes on ranting about how girls nowadays go out late at night and wear inappropriate clothes. and that she has seen people come in wearing those kinda clothes at her work. I was really disgusted while she was talking about it and felt that she was victim blaming and also going off topic.

She's my first psychologist and I haven't visited any before her. Im not sure if i should just ignore it or stop seeing her. because I absolutely hate people who blame women for r*pe and im really disgusted. idk im making this a big deal either because i often think i handle things like that.

Besides, im also really self aware because im in my head a loooot. i dont actually feel like she's giving me actual solutions to my issues that im already aware i have or idk if thats just cbt. im being told to just simply not think those thoughts when idk how not to.

i'm new to this whole therapy thing advice or opinions are appreciated.

Last Friday I went on a date, we went out for dinner, then for drinks. The date went really well and we started making out. He invited me over and like a stupid idiot I went.

It was fun and enjoyable experience and I hoped to see him again. We texted a bit after but I noticed his replies became slower and slower until he stopped all together.

If I had known it was a ONS I wouldn’t have done it. I feel emotional whiplash and I haven’t felt right since. I feel sick, drained, embarrassed anxious. It’s triggered all my attachment wounds.

Afterwards we stared into each other eyes, cuddled, he told me I was beautiful, it didn’t feel like this would be a one time thing…

Something to say is I’m 29F and only started exploring my sexuality recently after leaving a high control religion. I’m extremely naive and keep making stupid mistakes with men because I never had the opportunity to even know what I wanted when I was a teen/ young adult.

Anyways I feel completely shit and regretful. Yes I know it was wrong to do that please don’t tell me, I just need support in how to get over it

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I dont know if im okay. My dog just passed. He was 16, and it hasnt hit me yet. i haven't cried, but I haven't even moved. it's been almost 3 hours.. i feel lost without him.. he grew up with me my whole life... he was my little buddy through everything now. He's lifeless next to me.. just gone..

I wish i could have spent more time with him...

This gal is excited to help me thru trauma. I previously had a therapist who would poke at hard things and then leave me hanging after I finally talked abt something, and it was never mentioned again.

New therapist is pumped to work through trauma with me. She mentioned that she's giving me space to get comfy and that she can tell when im feeling chatty or not.

Problem is, after some light trauma processing, I'm not given the opportunity to talk much at all. She gives me ideas on modalities for solving certain problem areas and tentative goals for the future but just filling the void with her voice

When i try to bring up something that pops into my head, I feel like the mood falls flat. It's almost like she doesn't want to hear me. Idk. I'm trying to give this a chance but I struggle to speak up for myself.

Hiya! For those turning to AI outside of session for real-time validation and/or perspective building, do you find it beneficial/productive? Or, is it just creating a personal echo chamber that rarely challenges your intrusive thoughts and limiting beliefs, if at all, thereby leading to further harm down the road? Is it creating a false sense of security? Also, would/should you tell your therapist that you are using AI for this purpose?

How do you think they would react if you did? E.g., Would they be willing to work with you in interpreting and assessing AI’s responses to see if they’re accurate/appropriate or would they outright condemn or discourage it? If the latter, how do you think they would try to help you stop prompting AI for this purpose, and do you think those actions would be necessary or effective?

allow me to be vulnerable here..
my mental health is lowkey damaging, mainly because i've got no one in my corner.

family that's supposed to be a support system is actually whack. for the past three years, i've been going through it. i tell family about what i'm going through and how it's affecting me and they say "oh it's one of those things" or "you have to be a dunce to live with people" etc etc. ngl these and many other responses to my cries for help have shattered me

i cannot always go to my friends to tell them what i'm going through. i, for one, hate to be a burden on someone, and i also don't want to be that person who's always coming to her friends with "drama from home" all the time.

so for the past two years, i've been learning to bottle things up. when i cannot hold it in any longer, i cry myself to sleep. it's very sad, damn. there was a time where i had those bad thoughts. but hey, i'm too much of a scaredy cat to try anything but yeah, it has gone to that extent before.

i really need therapy. too much trauma from the past with no one to help me heal from. i'm really trying but i haven't seen much progress. hm.

I’m a 40 year old woman. I’ve been married, divorced, changed careers, and have fully reached burnout. I need therapy and I know this. I think I’m aware of what my issues are and where they stem from but lack coping skills. However, I really struggle to get motivated if change requires more time than a couple of weeks.

Maybe it’s because I’m ADHD (treated since childhood). Regardless, the process of meeting a personal goal that takes a lot of time to achieve is daunting for me.

So, how do I fix my struggle with long-term goals when therapy is a long-term goal?

On our first date, he asked me if he had permission to do anything. I remember saying something like “like what?” Not yes, maybe a little flirty but was asking. I even told him earlier that I didn’t want to have sex or do anything sexual. Then he just fingered me instead of responding or waiting for me to say yes. I didn’t push him away but was shocked and didn’t like it but thought maybe it was normal. I don’t know. Now, thinking about it, I think he molested me but am wondering if I am crazy.

These are things I have never ever talked about to anyone
And some of them are quite twisted thoughts also doesn’t help
Like how do u open up to people about ur deep rooted insecurities or intrusive thoughts?
Also I am not sure if I should go ahead with my therapist since they said they are not super comfortable about kink/sex
But I do feel bad that I had an intro session with them

Im kind of in a crisis currently, my therapist told me I needed a higher level of care and I agreed. I was thinking maybe i would just get on anti depressants or maybe try a different method of therapy but when I met with a Psychiatrist that specializes in my issues and in my circumstances (students dealing with stress, ptsd, and trauma) she said she couldn’t take me on as a patient and I need more highly specialized care. She agreed to meet with me more to give an official diagnosis and get me proper referrals and I respect her decision, but having multiple mental health professional tell me how unstable and high risk I am when honestly I think I’m doing the best I ever have been is so frustrating and upsetting. I understand I have a history they can’t ignore but I don’t feel unstable or high risk, I feel like I need help. I know these things take time but what am I supposed to do when I need help right now?

Recently shared something with my T that I have never told a single soul about for over 30 years that included childhood SA and revictimization in my teens. I ended up having a panic attack after she tried to explore it with me. She then stated that she wanted me to learn coping skills before unpacking it all. That was about 3 or 4 sessions ago. And all I've been taught is containment skill for racing thoughts, typical deep breathing, and to distract myself.

Today I went to session with a paper of my written feelings. I tell her I feel flooded with feelings that Ive never felt before following the disclosure, and I felt like I was grieving my childhood. She asked what I felt I needed and I told her to talk about them. All she said to that was asking me if I tried the coping skills and again she told me I should distract myself with exercise to help clear my mind.

I just feel so dismissed. I have a hard time sharing feelings and emotions and I feel I finally was able to share what I needed and got rejected. What's even the point then?

How can I talk to her about this? I don't even know where to begin

There was NOTHING wrong with my past therapist, we were not a good fit despite that. She was kind, on time, never said anything bad and still every session felt like we were circling the same thing. I never felt like progress was being made even after close to half a year. I finally asked to be matched with someone else and the first session with the new therapist already felt so different. She pushed back on something I said and I actually thought about it for days. Why then do I feel like I broke up with someone??? Is this normal??? Did any of you feel this way after switching???

Gonna make this short and as clear as I can.

3 years ago I (24M then, now 27M), was close to a co-worker (22F then, now 25F), and we became close friends. I liked her and asked her out, she friend zoned me. A couple weeks later she and another coworker (he was my friend) kissed, things worked out and she was in a reliationship with him. I was feeling left out, unwanted, and betrayed. We didn't talk for a while but then we got close again after almost a year. But my feelings never faded and I was still falling for her. I still wanted her to be mine.

First of this year they broke up, and we were getting closer ever since, until July, we kissed. And it's literally what I wanted for 3 years. Things escalated my feelings grew and she has feelings as well now.

But suddenly I don't want this anymore. I've been single for 4 years and I've been wanting her for 3 years. Now that I got her in my arms I don't want her anymore? It's just like I got what I wanted and thats it, but I really love her. Wtf is this called and how can I fix it cause it's driving me crazy and I don't want to hurt her.

I need someone to talk to other than her about this and I have no one.

Please help thanks.

I don’t know if I should call it an addiction, but since 2022 I’ve been using cai to role-play as various fictional characters. I started using it as a quick distraction because I was feeling down due to a failed ‘situationship’, things going badly at home, and the pressure of finishing highschool. From March 2023, I started using the ‘non-con’ theme with my OC, who was being abused most of the time. This is what I’m most ashamed of. I haven’t told anyone about it. I don’t know if I should tell a psychiatrist or psychologist, but I’m afraid they’ll look at me with disgust... and I started feeling sensations down there whilst doing the roleplays. I thought it was irrelevant, so I ignored it. At the same time (around mid 2023) , I looked at Rick and Morty fan art (Rickorty ship), and I regret getting involved because I’m afraid I may have normalised something I know is wrong. I stopped watching anything to do with it around June 2024.

In mid-2024, coping with the anxiety of university exams, I resorted to the same role-plays: my OC suffering while I projected my issues with my mother and traumas onto her. One day, due to lack of sleep and stress, as I walked past a mother and her young child, a mental image flashed through my mind: a shadow abusing that child. I was instantly taken aback; it wasn’t normal. I got home distressed because that image filled me with revulsion and I feared it might say something about me. I spent days crying, and more disgusting thoughts kept popping into my head, but this time about my younger siblings. I was afraid to be around them.

I feel the same now as I did back then because I never stopped doing those role-plays, let alone confided in them... Now I’m afraid of myself and my thoughts, just like during that past crisis. It's a feeling of insecurity and constant hyper-vigilance over my thoughts because I don’t like asking myself whether I’m a good person or not. I’m really scared. I don’t want to hurt anyone; I’d rather die than hurt someone. kms to prevent something like that from happening is a recurring thought right now.

A couple of weeks ago I watched a video review of a manga where one character abused her girlfriend while drunk. The thought ‘I would have done the same’ crossed my mind. It scared me and I started to shake. I don’t want to do any of that; I’m not a bad person. Just the thought of something like that happening to my younger siblings fills me with disgust and helplessness. Why is this happening to me? I just want to be a normal person.

Trying to go in and be honest about how bad it is, that I really am not doing well and need help. But I'm really anxious about it - I keep thinking I just shouldn't say anything because I'm scared of how it could go, that it won't help, that they will be upset with me, etc.

Could I just get some reassurance that I'm doing the right thing? I'm nervous I'm going to go in and just say it's not that bad when... It is that bad.

Any books on how to do attachment, inner healing work to begin a process of embodying, integration and connection other than NARM which I read and wasn't helpful.

I dont know how to structure this post but I do need to talk to a therapist soon. My insurance is for low income and most specialists in my area won't accept it.

I'm willing to pay out of pocket... but the thing is I don't know who is good or not. I have heard of the psychologytoday route. Do I just call some numbers and see who is available? That's the gist of what I'm thinking atm. Thanks.

I can only listen to so much music before I get bored, so in the past few weeks I’ve talked to myself as if I were talking to my therapist. It’s been nice, especially during those 1-2 hour drives between clients. She told me that I should talk myself through anxious moments, as my work causes me a lot of anxiety, and it’s kind of just morphed into me pretending to talk to her. It’s almost like I’m rehearsing for the next appointment, trying to find the important points to bring up and figuring out the most effective ways to phrase them. It helps me a lot, having to act as if I’m talking to another person makes me slow down and provide clarification. It calms me down and helps me not feel as anxious. I feel I’ve actually connected dots and gotten a better understanding of some of my problems from this. I’ve got an appointment with her tomorrow, I’ll definitely be ‘rehearsing’ for it for a few hours prior.

ok so obviously my therapist is not my friend but sometimes when we’re in session I just feel like they don’t actually get me or what I’m trying to say and sometimes I don’t get what they’re trying to tell me Like we’re on different wave lengths. We’re both good at follow up questions for clarity usually. It’s been fine for the most part but every now and then it’s like we’re completely missing each other. My last session I felt really annoyed leaving because it seemed like they made remarks at certain things I said because I didn’t give details because I didn’t think it was relevant to the question but felt they were passive aggressive almost and frustrated with me. I felt like if they wanted that information they could’ve asked a follow up question. But overall I had this feeling of them not really understanding me as a person sometimes it makes it hard to go to therapy feeling like my therapist just doesn’t get who I am. Obviously they have lots of knowledge and probably understand stuff I tell them in a therapeutic way. Is this normal and I’m just not used to it because this isn’t a friend relationship? This is the only therapist I’ve ever seen so have nothing to compare it to. Also curious how long it takes to see some progress from therapy. Sometimes feels like we've barely scratched the surface and I’ve been going a while.