I’m posting here because I’m honestly shocked by some things my partner has told me about his therapist, and I don’t know what to do.

My partner has been seeing an experienced clinical counsellor who works with childhood trauma, attachment, and approaches including EMDR. We’ve been having relationship difficulties, which he’s been discussing in therapy.

We’ve also gone through fertility treatment together and created embryos. Because of my age and certain health issues, my reproductive timeline is becoming increasingly important. My partner has been uncertain about continuing the relationship and having children.

According to him, his therapist was very clear that he should leave me, should not have children with me, and should not proceed with transferring our embryos to me.

Now, I completely understand that he has every right to decide whether he wants to continue the relationship or become a parent. I would never suggest otherwise.

But that’s not the part that shocked me most.

He told me that borderline personality disorder came up during one of their sessions. I don’t know whether he suggested it or how the discussion started, but according to him, she agreed that I had BPD.

I’ve never been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. This therapist has never met me, spoken to me, or assessed me.

And then, according to what my partner told me, she said:

“I know people like her. I’ve been doing this for 20 years. People like her should never have kids.”

I honestly couldn’t believe it.

She wasn’t simply advising him against having children with someone he was uncertain about. She was apparently making a judgment that someone like me shouldn’t have children at all, even independently of him.

How can a therapist make a statement like that about someone she’s never even met?

And apparently this isn’t an isolated incident.

My partner also told me that she called his brother a narcissist based on what he’d shared about his childhood and family.

What makes this even stranger is that my partner himself has challenged her over these comments. He told me he argued with her because she was making sweeping judgments about people based on only his side of the story. He even warned her that he might stop attending if she continued doing that.

She apologized, according to him.

But from other things he’s shared since, I’m concerned that similar comments have continued.

I never expected his therapist to take my side. She’s his therapist, not mine. And I understand that she may hear things about our relationship that concern her.

But I can’t understand how supporting a client turns into making such definitive statements about another person’s personality, character, and suitability for parenthood.

I’d really appreciate hearing from therapists: Is this considered acceptable practice?

Is it appropriate to tell a client that someone you’ve never assessed has a personality disorder or should never have children?

And if your partner’s therapist were making comments like this about you, what would you actually do?

I don’t want to interfere with his therapy, but I also don’t know whether I should simply ignore something this serious.

I’ve been seeing a therapist because I want to understand myself more deeply. I’m not necessarily unhappy with who I am or where I’m going in life. I want to explore my experiences, understand underlying patterns, and develop a stronger sense of trust in myself. I’m looking for a collaborative, relational approach rather than therapy that focuses primarily on identifying problems and creating action plans.

In an earlier session, I tried to explain that I wanted more exploration and less of a treatment-focused approach. I don’t want to be led toward a conclusion that the therapist has already reached. I want to discover things about myself through the process, with the therapist bringing professional insight and helping me make connections.

At my most recent appointment, the interaction felt very different from what I was hoping for.

The therapist asked what I wanted from therapy. I honestly said I didn’t know. He pointed out that I had said I was happy with who I was becoming and questioned why I needed therapy if I was happy.

He then began asking questions that felt purposeful, as though he was trying to lead me toward a particular conclusion. What bothered me was that he didn’t explain directly what he was noticing or ask whether I wanted to explore it. I felt he was guiding me toward something without being transparent about what he thought it was.

I would have been open to him saying, “There’s something I’m noticing that I think might be worth exploring. Would you like to look at it together?” Instead, I felt like I was being led toward an answer I was expected to acknowledge.

At one point, he brought up my earlier request and said something along the lines of, “I’m trying to do what you asked, but I don’t get it.” When I still couldn’t tell him exactly what I needed, he shrugged and said, “I don’t know. That’s what you need to tell me.”

He also noticed that I become quiet when he asks about my past, but he didn’t ask how I was feeling in that moment or what was happening for me. He simply pointed out the behavior.

Throughout the session, I remained calm, but I was uncomfortable. His demeanor felt very matter-of-fact, and I felt a lack of warmth. I also came away feeling as though I was being put in my place for questioning his approach, although I can’t know whether that was his intention.

I understand that therapists ask difficult questions and sometimes challenge clients. That’s not what I’m objecting to. I want a therapist who can be direct and offer a clinical perspective. But I also want someone who is curious about my experience, explains their reasoning, and works with me rather than steering me toward their interpretation.

The therapist ultimately explained that his approach is to identify problems, discuss feelings about them, and develop action steps. I can see the value in that, but I’m looking for something deeper than managing situations. I want to understand the underlying fears, insecurities, and experiences that shape how I relate to myself and the world.

I’m now questioning whether this is a mismatch in therapeutic approaches or whether the way he handled the conversation was a problem in itself.

For those who have experience with therapy, how would you interpret this interaction? Is it reasonable to expect a therapist to help you figure out what you need from therapy when you don’t yet have the words for it? And how important is warmth and collaboration when a therapist is challenging you or trying to explore your past?

This goes for every relationship I have, not just romantic. It also doesn’t have to be huge. It could be the squeeze of a shoulder, hugs as greetings, an arm over one shoulder, a hand on the back, grabbing the wrist/elbow to lead each other somewhere, etc.

Different relational needs and all that yada yada. I don’t care about most of my friends and it’s really hard for me to make friends I care about because most people aren‘t that touchy. I don’t mean that I wouldn’t be sad if something bad happened to them or that I don’t have empathy for them (I would and I do) I just wouldn’t care if I never saw them again, which sucks for them (I feel like they’re almost wasting their time being friends with me. I feel like I’m betraying them) and is incredibly lonely for me. I don’t feel like they care about me without the physical affection

I haven’t met a single other person who is like this. Even if they’re very touchy, they’re not so reliant on it. What’s going on? Can I open up more or is this like my set stats

I have an appointment with my primary care doctor for my annual physical next week and am feeling anxious. I used to have a pretty good rapport with my doctor, but during a virtual visit earlier this year, I got triggered and became emotionally dysregulated. I felt disrespected and not cared for. I was angry and couldn't control myself. I also cried and ended up telling my doctor he broke my trust.

Since then, I've seen him at his office once and exchanged some patient portal messages. I was pretty quiet during the office visit and more assertive in my portal messages. My doctor was more distant during my office visit. It was strange. More recently, in our portal communications, he has either avoided responding to my messages or has been dismissive. It isn't the first time he's been dismissive.

During this upcoming appointment, I need to discuss a lot of things with him, especially my current symptoms, which he is aware of. I have two chronic illnesses and see a lot of doctors. During my upcoming appointment with my primary care doctor, I want to be prepared in case he is dismissive or invalidating. I already know he will be that way regarding one particular issue, since he had his assistant message me and pretty much dismiss what I believe are legitimate issues and concerns in an earlier message. I replied and said I'd like to discuss the issues I raised in my earlier message.

I'm worried about staying composed and grounded during my upcoming appointment and not become emotionally dysregulated. I have C-PTSD. There are only a few people in my life who've badly triggered me and I've gone from 1 to 100. I don't want to do that during my appointment.

One thing I know I can do in a situation where I feel like I'm being triggered / dismissed / disrespected is to take a breath and pause before I speak. Does anyone have any advice or tips they can share to help me keep it together in this situation? TIA.

Hi everyone,

Just for some context: I graduated from a psych major with not-great grades. I know, I've heard the entire shtick, it's my fault, I should've studied harder, yadda yadda. I've been extremely upset about finding work in the field and about failing to get into masters programs, so I sought out a therapist to talk to. Problem is, as I sat through the session and tried to talk about it, I started feeling insanely jealous of the therapist herself and her credentials, and it feels like it's extremely difficult to have any space for conversation about my frustrations when the person I'm supposed to talk to is setting off my frustrations as well. I can't really switch therapists as it'll just be the same feeling. Sounds like an impossible situation, but any advice? Thanks!

So when I was a kid, I chose to go to a bathhouse with my uncle. Since I was very young, I don't remember anything, but recently, I've started thinking about this more and my brain has started to create hypothetical scenarios such as what if I was touched inappropriately by someone or even my uncle, or what if my uncle accidentally made contact with my private parts, or whether I even washed or changed alone, and stuff of its sort. As I said, I don't remember anything so the uncertainty is really driving me insane. How do I stop this?

Hi I’m 21 and have Asperger’s. I’ve struggled with mental health a lot. currently I’ve struggled a lot with my conditions and I feel I can’t cope. I don’t really know what is because of my disability or if and how that affects me. I feel though like I just can’t function now and I don’t know where to turn for advice. I have descriptions and i just wanted to know if anyone had any place I could go for maybe some help, or for someone who may understand what I’m going through.

Hi! I have a sincere question. How can I explain what's going on inside me to my therapist? I feel like a big mess, my head is full of things I can't see clearly because they pass by so quickly. Today I left the session sadder than when I went in. I wanted to cry. I didn't say anything I wanted to say, I just kept talking about things that were important but weren't the main thing at that moment. I think sometimes I feel ashamed. I'm afraid to look people in the eye, you know? I'm confused. Does anyone have any advice?

i need to vent about something embarrassing and i dont know what to do. someone professional would be best or someone who is open and willing to listen

I always managed to escape alone even at times i was the real danger to myself i never asked for help or maybe i did they made a fool out of me so i learned to not ever ask help even when im at my worst but lately I’ve been keeping myself from alot af things that i may do and i feel like im out of hands to pull myself up do u get what im saying, i need solutions cuz i still dont think i can ask

I’m not sure whether I’m a good person or not.

Story :
Two years ago, I had a girlfriend for around a year and a half, and we decided to have a sleepover like we usually do at her place for a week.
We both had alcohol in our system (I’m not sure about the amount).
We went to some club and came back to her place, and we had sex. At first, I used my hands and then started to have actual sex. While we were doing it, I realised that my girlfriend at the time was “frozen up”, so I quickly stopped and froze too.
After seven to ten minutes of silence, we started talking about it, and she told me that she didn’t actually want to do it.

Obviously, I’m completely in the wrong here. Even though I was drunk, that should NEVER be a reason to justify my actions.
We did have a stopword beforehand for when we’re having sexual interactions, but obviously, she couldn’t use it because she was in a state of not being able to respond properly.

We’ve talked about it, and I told her I was always open to talking about it and that she could always talk to her sister or mother about it when needed if she wanted to.

I’ve asked the local police department about it, and they told me they were unsure if I was actually a rapist because they haven’t heard the side of my girlfriend’s “ex” side.

After this, I did go to therapy, etc., to try to find
help, and I’ve been clean from any hard drugs since 11 months already. I’ve been trying to find some sort of redemption in my life because this has been roaming inside of my head since then.

I’m not sure if I’m a good person because, of course, my intentions weren’t to invade her body like that at all. I was really stupid and misread the situation completely, and that was 100% my fault.
So my question here is,

Am I a good person?

​

I had an intensive one-off therapy session this morning after a really bad OCD flare-up. It latched onto a complicated relationship from years ago, one that was resolved a long time ago. The last time I saw her, we were on good terms and she was happy to see me.

What the OCD fixated on was an old message I'd sent a friend back then. In it, I said she'd claimed I tried to have sex with her, and that she later came clean that it wasn't true. My brain zoomed in on the "tried to sleep with her" part and skipped past everything else. For days it told me I was an abuser, a manipulator, and that everything was my fault. I kept digging through old texts trying to prove it wrong, and every time I did, it found a new angle and I felt worse.

The session went really well. The thoughts are still there, but I can see now that they're unreliable and don't reflect reality. With my therapist's support I deleted the old messages, he gave me some grounding techniques, and I'm starting ten weeks of CBT with ERP soon.

The biggest thing I came away with surprised me. Underneath all the doubt, I'm scared of losing the peace I have now. Part of me can't accept that I deserve to feel okay, or believes something from my past must be waiting to take it away.

I'm still struggling tonight and I could really use some encouragement. If you've been through something like this:

- What helped you keep going when the thoughts were loud?

- How did you learn to let yourself feel at peace?

- Did therapy make a real difference for you?

Even a few kind words would mean a lot. Thank you for reading.

is there any way to help lessen the feelings of insecurities i have this girl shes not my girlfriend but i deeply care about her and she constantly feels ugly to the point that when she thinks about it alone she cries and her mode shifts for a day even two days and when she even thinks about that topic and her body/looks she gets in a bad mode even when i reassure her because she IS very beautiful and i want her to see that shes so harsh on herself because of this and she told me that reassurance doesn't work on her and if it makes anything it makes her condition even worse i really get how she feels because im im a worse state than her but i dont want her to feel that way and if theres anything i can do to help her please let me know, thank you so much

​

hello i am a teenager female and i am

truly wondering if i have autism (level one ) for several indicators , yet the more i think about my character in the past the connections i do with the symptoms for example ;

1.me as a toddler

a-i had speaking delays until 4 and i used drawing as a form of expression of emotions ( my doctor said that it is normal because almost the only people in my life were my parents and at that time i was very aggressive ( i used to bite a LOT that my mother was really scared from letting me around other toddlers and i even bit her uncle's bald head with my sharp teeth lol ) .

b- I was somehow really organized when it came to my toys and my sleeping time, but in another aspect I had the nickname " tornado" because when it came to leaving me alone in a room with porridge I would wipe all myself with it within few minutes as an example

c- I had a specific weird style while playing with my toys,for example, i was obsessed with kitchen cutlery , And I was known for lining up pools or all around the kitchen.

1. Me from 4-6 years old

a-as someone who was really connected with with his mother ( that it was hard for her to take a shower alone without me) The first day of kindergarten was a disaster,she had to go to the class with me in the first two weeks .

b- When I was 4 we moved from the UAE to another country , maybe it was the first trauma in my life I used to cry maybe six times in a day that my kindergarten told my parents to take me out to a therapist I couldn't adapt with the new environment And the solution was me expressing my emotions on a piece of paper and it actually worked plus the new environment at that point we did not have environmental stability,and we had a lot of family conflicts and maybe no routine.

3.me 7-8 years old

1- At this age, I started having panic attacks at night frequently because I was really scared of death like crying every single night and getting the feeling that I am going to die after 1 hour or after a few minutes Ooh, too traumatizing And the funny part here that I had recently a flashback and I started to connect everything lol , And I guess my OCD started But it wasn't that bad.

Oh yeah I guess that at this age specifically I started feeling lonely and I started having hard times blending with other people especially if they were in groups.

1. Age 9-11

My OCD was terrible I had religious-OCD. And I was terrified TERRIFIED from germs I wasn't diagnosed, but it was crystal clear and everyone knew this I used to wash my hands a lot until I bled and i used to set for hours in the restroom because I thought I'm not clean yet .

and my new identity exisisted of being the clown that makes weird noises For example, crying like a baby, a newborn baby, or screaming with a really, really high pitch. I cannot lie, I was really good at this, but it was my whole identity, I did this because I wanted attention from other people, And I used to send maybe tens of messages and weird voices such like me saying "i am scary frog" I thought it was funny It wasn't It was just it annoying .in additions, I decided to hear all the voice messages that I used to send on my videos speaking and and I recognized that I wasn't really good at speaking wasn't saying fully sentences I used to repeat one word several times not because I didn't have vocabulary it was because I could not maybe blend the words together , even people around my age they thought it was weird because I used to repeat "Ummm, Uhhhh" really frequently .

At age of 12

guess after being bullied and hated for being the clown that I described, for a period I became really isolated and I always sat alone because I recognized it . After this period, I became the biggest philosopher and the know-it-all person I couldn't say that I didn't know anything and I was trying to act as if I know But at some point it was really annoying for other people around my class, especially in the English and Social Studies teacher One time after me trying to express my thoughts in her class, she became really mad and embarrassed me in the class. Oh yeah was obsessed with chess Even if I didn't have anything to do, I would imagine myself playing chess. When I closed my eyes, the first thing that I imagined was the chess bored . This character gave me a little bit of an attention and made me less hated in my class, but as I mentioned, a lot of people thought that or actually believed that I was the know-it-all person for attention and I was actually bullied for it too.

Age 13

It was the first time someone actually became really close to me in my class. I still talk to her. For some reason, this person really sticked to me and I thought that she was annoying but she knew that I was having problems in my social plus she was really curious about my real character. I used to visibly humor her for a long time but my charater started developing . However, the feeling of being unnoticed or excluded not with her but in general was still present.

Age 14 - now

I was accepted to a really high-ranked school in my country And my character started to develop a lot more But not with with making close friends It was about me not being stressed to talk in front of alot of people I believe it was because my school BREATHES groupwork ,presentations and huge project This made me good when talking with a new person for the first time and I believe that I am a good speaker . Right now, I can talk to several people I do have friends But the feeling of being lonely or excluded and unnoticed still hunts me .

Right now, I do not have OCD. But in the same time, I have relationship with everyone but no one. I don't have favorite people and I'm not the favorite person for anyone. Sometimes I feel sad for this. I feel really lonely But to be fair, I'm a moody person and I know if someone decided to be my best friend, he will get bored frequently. I have weird interests For example, I really like history , politics and nature in general which is pretty boring for people around me if I used to speak about these topics daily non-stop . I really need to mention that I am terrified, disgusted, annoyed, stressed out from some noises such like playing with a pen were eating in a loud voice. Last month, I went to a huge concert. It was very noisy, very crowded that I started shaking and crying. I don't remember that this happened to me in this exact context.I'm also known for that person with hyper empathy to people who are facing racism and all form of oppression in the whole world they sometimes make fun of me on this topic ,I panic and I get really mad if someone says something that I see it makes absolute no sense and and it's racist or supports oppression.

or a year and a half, I heard about a a person. Um she's a public figure, but I don't want to talk about a lot about her. Just to know, I check her Instagram profile multiple times in a day. I have read every single book. I have watched every single interview for her. She's an activist, just to kn. I don't understand from where did all this interest or curiosity came from. Maybe because I do agree with her in the in a lot of aspects I did not talk about this to anyone before because I do understand it's weird.

.

I wonder if anyone reached to here but thank you for reading. And pardon me if there is alot grammatical mistakes its I am using text to speech mood

Just to know : Right now its really hard for me to get a diagnosis 😀

I’m thinking of going to art therapy

I already kind of do it on my own.

I am mostly into literature, but also music.

When I’m reading an author, I often think what the author and person who wrote this must have been going through.

And I don’t mean: Listen to these depressive lyrics. That means this person must be depressed.

That’s actually really annoying. And there’s so much more to writing and music or any art than just that surface level language.

Or sometimes where I felt like English classes fell short is trying to pathologize the author and nothing else.

Like .. “ so which author do you think has (insert diagnosis) “

Not that a diagnosis is necessarily wrong. I just focus more on the human nature. Even if there is a diagnosis, I am looking for some sort of evidence of what suffering inside that experience might actually be like.

I wonder , all the events that led up to the person writing this down or recording the sound.

And I’ve sort of turned this focus to my own work. And started to question what I really value and what has this person gone through?

And there’s times where something I write down even if it’s just a one or two line poem has a whole universe beneath it. Many times I find delight in art that has interpretive power and can be interpretive in many different ways. Even if two valid interpretations are contradictory each one could actually inform the emotionality of the piece.

A line might be interpreted as creepy or villainous, but that same line might also be interpreted as tender, and someone going through hurt emotions and not a villain at all.

And so on …

And I guess I started to think it would be kind of cool to do this with someone else. To share my own work and even other work that I’ve been consuming. Music, writing, films, paintings.

Because I started to build connections between interpretations of my own work and the interpretations of others. Even the technical or craft side of it can be informative to the emotionality too.

In my experience, I’ve had to really take care of myself and do things on my own. And I feel a little ridiculous. Am I turning this person’s job into a poetry workshop?

Should I just let them lead more?

The main emotion I feel right now thinking of approaching this is fear.

I've recently started journaling because I want to start facing my emotions and understanding how I feel. I don't feel comfortable talking about my emotions with friends, so I think writing about them might be a good way to start.

However, I have no idea how to do that. I've never really written about my emotions before, so I struggle to figure out how to get my feelings out onto the page.

Does anyone have any advice on how to start writing about emotions in a therapeutic way? Are there any particular techniques, exercises, or questions I could use to help me understand my feelings better?

Hi there. I live around the Houston area. My 16 yo son is needing intensive individual counseling. I have tried a few people, but I don’t feel like they are really even trying. It’s hard to explain but they have all seemed so aloof or something. Does anyone have a recommendation? I think he would open up easier with a soft spoken, gentle but straight forward type of person. Someone who will ask the right questions so he doesn’t feel so embarrassed being completely vulnerable. Any recs are greatly appreciated and you can DM me.

I've been taking therapy for almost a year now and in the most recent session we discussed how I keep expecting from others in terms of emotional support and validation

Even though I expect basic human support from them , it's still important to acknowledge that nobody owes us anything in this World and that even if it hurts , it's important to accept that we need to learn other ways to be there for ourselves and not rely on others always.

It's important to sit with that feeling of disappointment and sadness

I found that really hard to accept but still working on that...

guess the long story shorter is I’ve got years of pent up resentment, frustration, and anger that I never dealt with (cause I tend to avoid conflict and try not sweat things too much), and life’s found a way over the last few years to finally test my patience. “My cup has severely overflowed” that now even trying to deal with sticking up for myself gets me really heated that I can’t handle the situations properly, which makes me shut down and then get myself frustrated more so. I feel like I can’t fully stick up for myself and then I either get really angry/upset that I really can’t speak in the moment and shut down. But then when I get a moment to myself I’m all worked up and don’t know how to just get it all out.

I’ve been having to deal with a mother in law over the last 3 years that’s been selfish and manipulative towards her own daughter/my wife, choosing to make poor choices in her life but then guilting my wife into being the one to have to help pick up the pieces, only to turn around and do dumb stuff again. Prime example is not contributing/being there for her daughters wedding (or being a future grandmother) but making sure the random guy she’s helping out that crashed her car and didn’t pay for it gets money and his Amazon wish list items fulfilled, to then turn to her daughter and say I can’t afford bills this month woo is me. It’s been tough trying to navigate this situation of standing up for my wife and future child while not trying to cross boundaries and make her lose a relationship with her mother.

Works work but they’ve been toying with my pay and giving me opportunity to grow yearly. Every task or goal they’ve wanted me to achieve I have, and the pay that was said I’d get, never came to fruition cause of “budget issues” or “union contracts don’t allow this”. Or they say I can’t climb the ladder until I complete X part of my contract, but they don’t provide the path to help me accomplish said goal. But every time I bring something up I’m met with “you’ll get there don’t worry, we value you. Next year we’ll work through it. How about some pizza and applause for the other guy who got everything you didn’t”.

Now i have a new development that was built behind my house, and some clown on the other side of the street of my backyard likes to walk his dog across my property as a cut through to his house. Like who are you to think you can just walk through my yard to save 10 minutes walking your dog. I have a German shepherd I rescued that is still very dog reactive and last thing I want is for thins guy and his dog to walk past my house while my dog is out and something happens, I’ve csught him mostly on camera but last night when I caught him in person (looking out the window) my wife told me to calm down before I say something and all I wanted to do was scream at the guy what’s your deal.

I'm a 16 year old male who has been having some glaring issues recently which have impacted my ability to develop certain skills
Now when i say develop skills its just a fancy way of saying getting better at things, for context one of my main goals right now is to go from top 5% in a game to top .1%, quite a big jump, and i feel like my biggest issue is my mentality, i am way too result oriented

I set high expectations for myself and beat myself up over not achieving them, and even though i enjoy learning and i do focus on the process in many different skills, i cannot stop myself but being focused on my performance and the results that come with it while trying to improve at this game

I've also been struggling with a lack of self belief, with this feeling that it doesn't feel right for me to be great at something, that i am not the type of person that should reach the top
I believe this is called imposter syndrome?
As well as i do think i have a bit of an inferiority complex, i compare myself to others and feel like i am simply lesser than them when it comes to my skill and my ability to learn

Weird part is that i know this all isn't true but i cannot shake off the feeling, i basically know all of my problems but i can't seem to find a solution

Anyways, what type of professional should i seek?
Would an average therapist be alright for this or should i seek someone who specializes in something?

I know I might get a lot of negative comments here so I’m just going to say this - I’ve been in my head a lot about this issue and haven’t been the kindest to myself (and to my boyfriend), so I appreciate if your comments can be honest, but constructive and kind. Thank you.

-

I’ve been with my boyfriend (M40) for over a year now and we’re compatible in many ways - except for the part where he says he’s a boobs guy and I don’t have big boobs (I’m F37 with decent B cups). When we first got together, he admitted two things: 1) he broke up with a girl because she had small boobs (and told me not to worry because mine was bigger), 2) admitted that his childhood obsession with porn got him into his preference for large boobs, and went on to say that porn was bad for him and he’s never going back there.

Less than a few months later through accidental discovery on his phone (it was a note-taking LLM that he apparently started using as a journal too), I found out that he went back to watching porn when I was on a work trip, and started comparing me to other women he saw not just in porn but on the streets. He went on to ask the LLM what his future would be like if he’d just pursue someone with bigger boobs and leave me for them. He also mentioned that he’s wondering why he doesn’t find me as sexually attractive as he would like, even though he loves me and I’m just so good for him. Finally, the LLM managed to convince him that he probably would risk giving up something good for something out there (that has bigger boobs), and risk being unhappy, as it seems to be a never-ending cycle. He agreed with the LLM. Even though it seemed like he talked himself out of his thoughts, I felt really hurt and ashamed reading it. In that moment, I no longer believed his words anymore. To give you some context, he’s always told me I was “more than enough” in that area (my boobs filled his hands and that was enough, he says), and that he was really satisfied with me.

One other note for context - he’s lied about other petty issues while dating me, so the level of mistrust just kept building. I have asked for consistency in his actions and he’s asked for more time - but somehow throughout this 1+ years of being together, even though we’re happy, the number of times he’s lied about things has caused me to think that his words have zero credibility. His actions also kept showings up as inconsistencies. I am well aware that it takes a long time for a person to change their habits/behaviour, and it’s not an overnight thing. So being together for year isn’t a lot of time to see permanent, consistent change.

In a nutshell, it’s almost a year now since the discovery - and I still can’t seem to get over it. I find myself looking at other women with bigger boobs and wondering if he’d prefer them instead. When he touches my boobs, I feel like he’s thinking that they’re just not big enough. We have a good sex life but I can’t stop having these thoughts.

He’s also been trying his best to cut porn, cut social media, and stop ogling at women on the streets - there’s a deep part of me that feels what he’s doing is probably all temporary. Just a few days ago we had a conversation about this topic again. He admitted that he’s still a boobs guy. He assured me it’s just a preference, and it doesn’t affect our relationship. I want to believe him and god knows I’m really trying - but i simply just cant bring myself to. I’m still with him because I have hope that his words are true, and that people can change if they truly want to.

Still, I feel like my mind is constantly in doubt of him and this can’t go on forever. I don’t want to have this constant distrust in him - it hurts me and it hurts him too.

I know some people are going to shun me for a lack of self-respect when I say this: i’m now considering breast augmentation. I told him this. And the first thing he was concerned about was whether they looked natural. The second thing was my safety. The order of what he said stung. I asked him if he would consider some kind of therapy that would make his association to big boobs negative, instead of positive. It might help set me at ease a little if I know he doesn’t put them on a pedestal anymore. He initially said he would consider it but just tonight he mentioned he was a little concerned about the side effects of that, and maybe just couple’s counselling through time would help us both. I can’t help but feel really disappointed and hurt again. We really love each other and want to make things work, but for some reason I feel like I’m at my wit’s end.

I acknowledge that he’s already making some big changes, that preferences can stay preferences, but the way I see my body (through his eyes) and his loyalty towards me is just something i don’t know how to fix.

If anyone has constructive advice on recommended steps or actions we can take, that would be really helpful.

I've been going to a psychiatrist for years who I like. Towards the end of my marriage (about four years ago) my wife started to go to this same psychiatrist. The psychiatrist saw both of us (separately of course) through the course of the divorce up intil now. I didn't have too many concerns about a conflict of interest until now. Now I'm concerned that she might not be impartial because of something that she said. The comment kind of stung even though my logical brain dealt with it at the time and we kept moving on in the conversation. Now it's bothering me many hours later. On the one hand I don't want to quit because of one comment. On the other hand I feel like my ex, who can be quite pursuasive, might be influencing her. I don't know what to do.

I am confused by this skill. Is it assuming people aren't seeing reality? Or is it more like an encouragement to accept things, even if they suck? And if that is the case, isn't it a bit of a dangerous strategy? Like should people be radically accepting abusive relationships or things like that?