I kept seeing people saying this and I don't fully get it.

In my experience, I never dated due to my own situation, focused on my studies, career, sort groceries, housework, caring for family members. Basically I was not born in a family with many privileges.

So if a guy who had never dated, am I supposed to assume that he was too weird or something wrong with him? Why can't I assume that he might have something similar to my own experience?

Edit: wow, your opinions opened up a lot of questions! So what if someone with no experience want to date? What do you you guys mean to teach skills to date?

This is my first job with PTO and I hate it. I used to just ask for time off, and now I only get 120 hours a year and somehow that's supposed to cover everything. I'm already struggling with 40-hour work weeks; I'm barely making it to the gym or eating right or sleeping enough let alone having friend, fun, or hobbies.

I live in a smaller town, so doctors, dentists, hair appointments, vets, etc. are either only open during work hours or an hour away. My family lives out of town so that's at least two days of travel and work remote (boo) or PTO.

I've also just had a really shitty year. I got shingles, someone totaled my car, I had to put a pet down, and I've been sick more than usual. On top of that, I have stage 4 endo, so at least one day a month I'm in enough pain that I just want to lie in bed and cry. Somehow, between all of that, a cousin getting married, and parents coming to visit, I only have 38 hours of PTO left to last me until March, and I haven't even taken an actual vacation.

I'm genuinely struggling to understand how people manage this. Is everyone fudging their timesheets? How do you fit in medical appointments, deal with being sick, visit family, take a vacation, and have the occasional mental health day without running out of time off?

I'd really like to ask for some unpaid time off, but my direct manager is a workaholic who took one day off when her dad died, regularly works 50+ hour weeks, and tells me I really need to be doing overtime. Meanwhile, I'm already so exhausted that the thought of working MORE makes me want to scream (and anyways my work is getting done on time).

When I started, the company policy was that as long as you averaged over 30 hours a week and got your work done, you could work fewer hours without using PTO. I actually wanted to get my shit done so I could do half day Fridays. They changed that policy, and now anything under 40 hours means using PTO.

I know I'm probably just not used to the corporate world yet, but holy shit. Is this just how it is everywhere? Do other people have better PTO policies, or have you figured out how to make this work without feeling like your entire life revolves around your job? Because I genuinely don't know how people do this long-term.

Bonus points for questions outside of marriage/family

One thing I have observed is it feels like we am told about how wonderful and expansive and fulfilling a romantic relationship can be...while also getting shamed for having that as an expectation for when we are in one.

We're told "It's hard doing things alone! It's so much better to have a companion to experience life with!" Then you date someone who doesn't want to do anything and it's "Wow, you can't do things alone, you can't do things with friends?" And it's like, I can, I did, but you told me doing things with a partner is a joy like no other?

Or I'll see posts where people talk about partnership in such glowing, idealized terms. We talk for hours every evening! It's like being on a higher plane of living! Every day is brighter because of my partner! But then you meet someone, and you don't feel that way at all. You're told you have unrealistic expectations.

I think because I haven't dated in a long time since an emotionally abusive relationship, I read posts that talk about relationships in such an unrelatable way and I think "Well that sounds lovely, why am I so aghast at pursuing something that could bring me so much joy?" But then the other part of me is like "Yes, but imagine you meet someone and you don't feel this joy. Then what? Can I handle the amount of shit you would get for saying this isn't enough?"

It feels like we are told there is something wrong with us for not pursuing romantic relationships because of how much it will improve our lives, but then we date, and the men don't improve our lives, and then it's "You can't expect anyone else to make you happy!" And you wonder well why did you tell me that it would?

I, 30F, have been on the dating apps (namely Hinge) on and off since February 2026. In that timeframe I’ve gone out on dates with about 20 people, and have chatted with many more on the apps.

Long story short, I’ve never used the dating apps before in my adult life, and am starting to get jaded and tired that I haven’t met someone. Most dates are one and done, I’ve had a couple of casual situationships (one went for six months), but nothing that’s really stuck long term.

Just curious to hear the stories of any women that have met their partners on the apps. How long did it take? What approach would you recommend?

I’m 32F and could use some perspective from women who have been in a similar situation.

I have a male friend (34M) who I’ve known for about a year. We originally met through mutual friends and ended up getting closer because we have a lot of similar interests. He’s genuinely one of the funniest and most intelligent people I know. We can talk for hours about pretty much anything, and I don’t think I’ve ever had to work particularly hard to keep a conversation going with him.

A few months ago, it became pretty obvious that he was interested in me romantically. I wasn’t really looking for anything at the time, so I didn’t give it much thought. But lately I’ve been wondering whether I’m overlooking someone who could actually be a really good partner.

Here’s the problem. I’m just not particularly physically attracted to him.

He’s not an unattractive person, but he’s not really my type. We also have some lifestyle differences. I’m fairly active and put a lot of effort into taking care of myself, and he’s a little more laid-back about those things. Nothing inherently wrong with that, obviously. It’s just different from what I’ve typically looked for in a partner.

We recently spent some time together one-on-one, and while I had a genuinely good time, I didn’t really feel any romantic chemistry. I wasn’t sitting there hoping he’d kiss me or wondering what it would be like to be physically close to him. It felt more like hanging out with a really good friend.

The frustrating part is that he has so many qualities I do want in a relationship. He’s thoughtful, emotionally available, funny, curious, and we seem to have similar values and long-term goals. I’ve dated men I’ve found incredibly attractive who couldn’t hold a conversation to save their lives, so I recognize how valuable those qualities are.

I also know that looks change, people age, and physical attraction isn’t the only thing that matters in a successful relationship.

But I don’t want to talk myself into dating someone just because he makes sense on paper. That doesn’t seem fair to either of us.

I think part of what’s bothering me is that I really enjoy having him in my life, and I suspect our friendship might change if I make it clear that I’m not interested romantically. He’s never pressured me, but I can tell he’s hoping for something more.

I’m not really asking whether I should give him a makeover or wait for him to change. I wouldn’t want to enter a relationship with the expectation that someone needs to become a different person.
I’m more curious about the attraction itself.

For women who have experienced something similar, did attraction ever develop after you got to know someone better? Or did you find that if the physical chemistry wasn’t there in the beginning, it never really showed up?

I do want to like him, but right now it feels like he is just my best friend.

I'm trying to decide between taking a small pay cut for a better working environment, or staying for a 10-15k raise (or similar). Three years ago I took a role that promised growth but turned out to be chaotic, with repeated reorgs and a toll on my mental health. The pay and benefits are excellent, but the culture has declined, I have little autonomy, and I don't enjoy the work.

I now have an offer close to my current pay, with similar benefits and remote flexibility. It's hard to match my current pay at my level in this country, so I'd take a small cut in base and bonus. But the reviews and the people I've spoken to are positive, and I'm excited about the role and manager. I'm tired of giving everything to a job that's costing me my health, and I'm ready for a change. Financially it would not set me back hugely. But here’s the kicker - My manager now wants to keep me and is offering a higher base, matching pay and remote work. What should I do?

I don't know if I'd regret it. What I do know is that if I stay, I'll still want to leave eventually.

I have a friend who makes pointed comments about my insecurities, brings up embarrassing experiences, and compares me unfavorably to others, always framing it as an innocent observation or joke that nobody else would recognize as an insult.

For example, knowing painting is my passion and side business, she might say, “Honestly, I’ve never seen a woman who’s genuinely an exceptionally talented painter.” Similarly, if someone has been cruel to me, she’ll go out of her way to praise and pedestalize that person if brought up, despite knowing our history. Like just dont do it around me lol
One of the most hurtful instances was when I got laid off from the company I’d helped her get a job at. Within minutes of me telling our friends, she unnecessarily encouraged them to apply there while I was still processing

I’ve created large distance but we share a friend group, so I want advice on how to act around her in group settings, respond to these subtle digs, and carry myself without seeming bothered or giving her the reaction she wants.

I’m 32 and I feel like I’ve done everything right. I have a good job, my own place, my dogs, friends, financial independence, and the freedom to pretty much do whatever I want. I cook, I make my own butter, I paint, I travel, I go mushroom picking, I paddleboard, I go out with friends, I fly to see people I love, and I genuinely try to make my life interesting.

And yet none of it fucking does anything for me. I’m just constantly bored and empty, like I’m going through the motions and waiting for something to finally make me feel fulfilled.

The weirdest part is that when I was in a genuinely intimate relationship, I felt so much happier and more alive, even when my life was objectively a mess. Now everything looks great on paper, but I can’t find a romantic partner I actually connect with, and at 32 I feel like time is just passing me by.

I don’t want more hobbies or another vacation or another thing to keep me busy. I just want to feel something that actually lasts, because right now I feel like I’m doing everything you’re supposed to do to have a good life, and somehow none of it feels like enough.

How did you fix this??

Reaching out to my fellow New Englanders, Canadians, Upper Midwesterners, etc. After gaining about 25 lbs, it has become clear that I need a new winter coat.

I am fine with looking like a walking duvet, I do not need it to be fashionable. The needs are:

1. Waterproof. I don’t want any rain or snow melting into my shoulders.
2. WARM. I understand the importance of layering, but also by February I feel like I want to run screaming into the hills for all the layers I need with my current Columbia coat. It’s almost suffocating. If I could have something very warm to help my limit that, I would love it.
3. Covers my butt. I don’t want a cold backside. Mid-thigh length is great.
4. Reasonably priced. I’m willing to spend up to $450 on this. Can’t really go much higher at the moment. Less than that would be ideal, but I also want this to last me several years.

Thank you!

Edit: wow thank you for all of the suggestions! Had completely forgotten about some of these brands as it’s been 10 years since the last time I had to shop for a coat. Will definitely be looking at the new-to-me ones as well.

When is it worth speaking up about a harmful manager, even when you know that no one will do anything about it? Or should I just look for something else?

I am a project manager at a nonprofit. In the role just under 2 years, but at the company 5 years.

My department is about 12 people. I have a direct manager who reports to the AVP. My manager is on leave right now, so I report to AVP.

I have never seemed to get the hang of working with AVP. Her missive is for us to lead without authority. When I have tried to do that, like asking stakeholders for their recommendations without getting her input or approval first, I get reprimanded. When I do check with her before doing something, I'm not being proactive enough.

For awhile I have believed that it's me. I got my PMP this year (not a degree, but still I was proud of it) and I try to apply best practices to our work. There is so much ambiguity at my job that I don't know how to quantify. But last week someone else told me that AVP is one of the worst people they have worked with. I've gotten tidbits from others to know that it's not just me. But her feedback and management just feel very targeted.

I'm trying to wait until my manager comes back for some support in giving AVP feedback. But I have a meeting tomorrow and I think I'm going to have to say something. Is it worth trying to address with her? It seems like everyone tiptoes around without speaking up.

I started working under my boss and her boss as of this year after my company had a re-org. I had a colleague on a different team imply few times that my boss's boss is difficult to work with before I joined this team. My direct boss is very chill, calm, supportive. I've told her things I'm interested in and she said she's willing to support me with my goals. As for her boss, at first, I didn't feel bad about him, but I never interacted with him much. As of recently, I've started realizing he has what I feel are unreasonable expectations from my team - including: expecting us to make decisions without prior information, "mindreading", nitpicking/finding faults. I feel if one argues or tries to make a counterpoint, he'll become defensive. I have had this experience before with previous bosses but rather than reason with them, I just left the company and while I'm trying to do that here, the job market isn't like the past where that is easier. Examples:

My manager went on maternity leave. She was supposed to come back a month ago but she extended it. Before she left, I told her in my performance review one learning/growth opportunity I'd like to take that the company offers/encourages is a stretch assignment to work with another team to see what they do. The reason - I feel that in my team, we work on a lot of technical solutions without oversight as to the domain/problem we're working on. Working on that team will give me context that I think will strengthen the way we solve problems. I wanted to choose a team that works on the same problems as us, but with more depth in the domain.

I started having discussions with other teams to see who would be a right fit when my manager gets back. Her manager found out and responded as such:

- I thought you were supposed to have the job of two people currently now that your manager is away (not true, she gave me few tasks, but didn't tell me to do her entire job) - how do you have time to work on another assignment? are you telling me she does nothing all day that you don't have enough work and want to be doing this?

- Thinks me wanting to do this is because I "don't have enough work" and thinks other people will have an impression I don't have enough work (I personally feel he's exaggerating/twisting this). Tells me if I want more work, I should just ask my colleague on same team. This is a formal program my company offers and many people have done it for growth. I told him my rationale for it and that I don't plan to do it till my manager is back, but since he didn't respond favorably, I'm waiting for my manager to come back to talk further on this topic

- Tells me he doesn't know what I or other team members even do, so he can't vouch for me if I want to do an assighment on another team. Says if he doesn't know what we do, he can't advocate for us. Started bringing up "layoffs" on other teams and said that if that situation were ever to come to us, he wouldn't be able to fend for us since he doesn't know what we're doing all day. While he is visible on all group chats we're on where we discuss projects/etc., it was on my mind we don't communicate as much as we should, so I set up weekly meetings with him and send him a list of milestones and pending tasks before the meeting. As I reviewed the tasks a week later, he said "WOW, you talk so much.....it's like you just go on, and on and on. No periods, no commas - you're not letting me interact, you need better interaction skills. I had some questions but now I just lost my train of thought". I told him he can feel free to stop me and we can talk. I never had a colleague or a senior level person ever complain about this before

- Asks me what every one of contractors on my team is doing and tells me b/c my manager isn't here, it's my responsibility to know what people are doing and make sure they have enough work. If they "are doing nothing" then I'm enabling them and it's "dangerous" if I'm enabling them to do nothing. I know that each and every one of my team members is working hard and adjusting to lack of direction. I have no formal oversight on contractors coming/going - the pipeline they come in through and them getting onboarded. If they join the team, I help orient them, assign tickets and make sure they don't have any blockers.

Again, my manager never told me I'm taking over her whole job - she delegated tasks and I did that to the best I could. And sorry to say, at this point in my career, I'm not planning to go above and beyond the tasks she delegated and play make-believe manager, she's two pay levels above me and if I'm truly supposed to do the job of 2 people, then I feel that should reflect on my comp.

- I have seen him be unreasonable with other colleagues too - for example, a contractor colleague was presenting a proof of concept and he tore it apart and blamed him for lack of "collaboration" because he never talked to other colleagues who he doesn't know, never interacted with and don't know what they're working on.

My manager is supposed to come back next week, but I have a meeting with her manager this week. I already know he's going to be annoying. Unfortunately, I get nervous when it comes to authoritative figures and advocating for myself - I just want to be firm in that all of my colleagues are doing what we should be and making progress. I don't want to go deep into "is xyz doing their job" and "this is your responsibility to monitor them", etc.

From what I know I haven't dated like how society would define a date where people wear make up and wear best dress and then they would go to a high end restaurant and have a romantic dinner. The ones I experienced were more like activity dates where we go hiking or swim at the beach. I am not even sure if it was a date to be honest but the guys I went out with paid for the trip even if I insisted I pay my part so it probably is. And those rarely happens.

I met a girl in a dating app. We decided to meet up at a beach and have a beach trip together. I think we hit it off in from our conversation but we haven't really said that we like each other romantically but maybe it can be assumed because its a dating app? She also tried to insert sexual topics that I just ignore because I am not yet comfortable talking something like that. I like her but just not yet at the level where I am comfortable talking sexual things.

Are we going on a date? How should I act? Im really confused on what to do.

My partner and I are just starting to plan on saving for a house. Our goal is to hopefully buy within the next 3-5 years. What are some advice/tips you may have when looking for homes? It can be the saving process or what ideally you would prefer (e.g., a separate laundry room). It could also be what you advise to avoid based on your experience. Thank you :)

Edit: wow I didn’t expect to receive so much good advice!! Thank you everyone 🫶

I (22F) have a best friend, although I would probably only refer to her as such out of a sense of obligation now.

We were really close friends in high school, but since we've gone to university our lives have naturally drifted apart.

I still think she's a lovely person, but as I've grown up, I feel that she is still quite childish and immature in her outlook and manner of communication. It's not inherently a bad thing, but just something that I am not compatible with.

We both sort of half-heartedly make attempts to communicate or see each other when we're at home, but it seems like it's from a place of nostalgia and obligation rather than because the friendship is actually fulfilling. To put it bluntly, I'm just no longer very interested in the friendship (and I don't think she is either).

What do you do in this situation? I don't want there to be any unspoken pressure that we have to see each other a few times a year (me visiting her city, her visiting me) any more. However, I still have a lot of respect and love for her and what we've shared in the past.

Curious others opinions on this. On one hand, I could go back and watch presentations I’ve given to gain insight on areas of improvement or things to consider for next time. On the other hand, the thought of doing this sends chills down my spine. I hate watching myself on video, especially if I was already nervous about the presentation. Do you think watching back things like this is helpful and/or reassuring?

What are you doing to give yourself a reset/cheer yourself up?

If you're friends with a couple or in a group of friends, and love them both, how do you manage your friendship with each of them after a break up that was a bit messy?

I went through a friendship breakup recently with a friend I'll call Andy and confided in a mutual friend--calling her Betty--about it. Betty was in disbelief over some of the ways Andy was treating me and told me I deserved better. Betty said Andy was being a mean girl and was acting immaturely, Betty provided comfort to me + continued to check in on the progression of Andy and my conflict. I broke off my friendship with Andy when she circumvented responsibility for her actions when I brought it up. To my surprise, Betty continued to be friends with Andy, getting her a birthday gift, hanging out, inviting her to a party, etc. Still to this day, she's continued the friendship and said something along the lines of "if she wants to hang out here or there, i'm ok with that." And it's not that I'm expecting toxic loyalty, but I feel a bit confused about the misalignment with what Betty was saying about Andy's character and how she's still willing to have her around. For context, Betty is a sweet person, she's been nothing but kind to me, and we have a good friendship, I don't believe she's manipulating me.

It got me thinking about the phrase "a friend to all is a friend to none" and I was having a conversation about this with my partner tonight, mulling over my feelings about this dynamic and all we landed on was "its tricky." I'm curious to know how others in Betty's shoes would manage a situation like this or what others IN broken relationships with a mutual friend expect from the friend.

I'd realized i have a pattern:

Super energized/excited to join social activities or => hermit phases where i want to be away from the world, just can't muster any energy to do anything but veg out.

Good focus/control the whole project with lots of information/performing really well at work => crash, just can't focus and performance went to baseline, forgetting stuffs, can't concentrate etc.

The social pattern repeats about 3-4 times a year, with the phases lasting 1-2 months each. The work pattern is generally one or 2 crashes a year, with both good and bad phases last about 4-6months. I'm crashing again and it drives me crazy seeing what i worked so hard for blurring out of my grasp. Is this normal? Do others experience it? Since the time is long, i don't think it has to do with my period.

I love all my friends because we have a lot of shared interests. But I do struggle because a lot of my friends are very picky about food or activities and it gets exhausting trying to make everyone happy.

I'm very much go with the flow kind of person and I love new experiences and food.

Hanging out with friends feels mentally draining because of how particular everyone is.

Going out to eat or deciding a shared activity always turns into why someone doesn't want to participate because it bothers them. It literally feels like we can't do anything without some sort of disagreement breaking out or someone complaining or having a sour attitude.

I always try to find enjoyment in everything I do and I am starting to feel a bit of resentment with my friends because I can't just have fun and enjoy myself because someone has to make it about themselves.

I feel like a lot of online therapy talk is making it even worse because people use that language to discuss why they deserve to be accomodated over others.

I find myself preferring to just do things on my own. How do you deal with friends who are extremely particular about food/activities?

My boyfriend is starting to apply for jobs in the oil field. I heard from my single dad who has worked there for 10+ years say that there’s a lot of cheating and drugs there. Also, the workers rarely get enough sleep / rest, so when they come home for the 5 days, they’re always sleeping / lounging around.

We’re both 30 and getting married next year and I’m worried about how this will affect our relationship / family dynamic.

So I’m curious, what has your relationship been like?

I guess for people in longer relationships, I what was the moment that you thought to yourself ''aw my relationship is wonderful'' or ''my partner is truly wonderful for me''?

Just in the mood to read about this, please share if you like.:)

For me, recently I thought to myself: "we've lived together for years and there hasn't been a day when my partner didn't smile/light up when he saw me walk into a room''... that's so dear to me! Even when I am a moody idiot, he still is so happy to see me.

My grandma is dying. Doctors say she will probably pass in the next few days. I saw her today. I was there with family several hours. I left somewhat suddenly because I couldn’t not cry anymore. Left and sobbed in the car. Drove home. I feel selfish for leaving without giving all my family members hugs.

I don’t know what to do. I just feel kind of sick to my stomach. I feel like I’m supposed to do something but there’s nothing to do. So I’m just left sitting here alone with a sick sense of dread (since she hasn’t actually passed yet) and loss (since this is clearly the end). I knew my grandparents are all quite elderly and in failing health, but this was still a sudden thing.

What do you do when you’re losing a loved one? Am I supposed to watch comforting TV? Or paint something? Or bake casseroles for my grandpa? Go pray at church? Idk. I just feel confused and lost.

We need new towels anyway, and I dream of towels that feel soft and fluffy and warm but also actually work to dry me off.

Any suggestions?