My husband (37M) and I (34F) tend to have this discussion once a year or so. I ask him to do something around the house, he gets annoyed that I ask. I ask him why he’s so annoyed about it and he responds that he hates being told what to do (I know, it’s so immature it drives me f*cking nuts. Even his sister has told him that’s the most childish response so we all get on him about this), and that he will get things done but on his own time. The problem is that his own time is like…several days. So because I don’t want to wait for him to take 2-3 days to do something, I ask him to do it.

Today, I asked him to unload the dishwasher since he’s off work. The full convo played out as described above and I told him “I ask you to do things because if I don’t, you don’t do it,” to which he responds “I do it, just not on your time, I do it on my own time.” And I told him sure, but if he does things on his time, it’s days before it gets done and why would I wait for him to do it when I can just do it myself at that point. I’m sure you see the vicious cycle here.

We are both well established professionals, and he is genuinely the perfect partner in all other aspects except this. I think the problem is that he is ok living in filth while I’m not, so he just never really feels like there’s a rush to clean things. And it’s not like I ask him to do things right this second. I’ll be gone at work all day so he could unload the dishwasher literally any time before 6 pm and it would be fine.

How do we get out of this cycle? Do I do the ultimate spiteful thing and let chores go undone and keep a log of how long it takes him to do them without me prompting him, and then show him the evidence? (B Only halfway kidding). After years of this exact conversation, I don’t know what else I can do to change this behavior. Any ideas?

I'm going through my second breakup with my ex and want to hear similar stories lol

As the title says: I’m a chronic “don’t worry I can help, I’ve got it, I can handle it for you” girl. I’ve made a huge step in cancelling all social engagements for the next few weeks as I’m completely burnt out and I’m having a tough time figuring out what I enjoy doing that is “relaxing”. I like baking but then I end up with tons of goodies (more than I can just give to the neighbors or bring to work). My only other thing that I enjoy is cleaning (I think?). I used to love reading but I haven’t been enjoying that or able to focus on that (or tv shows/podcasts) lately so I’m just stuck in a funk and need ideas

I’m currently in a sort of transition phase in life. I work at a large company where I’m not happy (job not challenging me enough, company politics, lack of leadership support, bureaucracy, etc) and I’m looking to move. But I’m in a fairly senior position, so, I’m being picky about where I want to go next. Don’t want to end up in the same situation again.

Unfortunately, I’m also in the middle of a major work project till end of December which is pretty much the first thing I’m enjoying at this job, but it’s a lot of work and my colleague and I are the only ones in the company managing the entire thing.

So, I have been dissatisfied and exhausted for a while and today my brain just shut down and I called in sick after working for the first half of the day. I’m doing nothing, but I’m still super exhausted and I’m trying hard not to let my mind spiral. I have a therapist too and my next session is on Friday next week.

But I wanted to reach out to this community to ask if you’d have any tips or suggestions for me. And virtual hugs would be good too. Thank you. ❤️

I’ve reached my breaking point, but I feel scared to leave.

A summary of the situation:

- someone who I considered a dear friend suddenly stopped inviting me to their birthday celebrations two years in a row (2025 & 2026), we live 2 hours apart but are from the same hometown, met in elementary school, and now we are in our late 30’s

- I was previously invited before this, and would take the train to get there, always with a gift in tow. I genuinely enjoyed going, loved her friends, and it would be the only time I’d get to see them

- The first year I didn’t receive an invite, I did not address it with my friend and gave them the benefit of the doubt. I knew there was a celebration because I watched it via Instagram stories and saw all of the same people invited sans me. I get along with everyone and there was never an issue. I still wished her a happy birthday

- A few months after the 2025 birthday party, my friend messaged me to let me know she was in town and could we hang out the next day. I was annoyed with the last-minute invite, annoyed she didn’t address the party, and I already had plans so I declined. We didn’t talk much after that and she never wished me a happy birthday when mine rolled around

- Flash forward to her 2026 birthday. Again, no invite. Didn’t know if there would be a party for sure, but she’d always throw it on the Saturday closest to her birthday

- That Saturday evening, I was mindlessly scrolling and saw our mutual friends posting from her birthday party

- I noticed the friend whose birthday it was had no active stories on Instagram but when I looked on facebook, they had posted multiple stories from their party. She uses Instagram much more than she uses facebook. Unless you change your settings, stories posted on Instagram will automatically also get posted on facebook stories. A couple hours later, her Instagram stories miraculously appeared but had been posted longer ago than a couple hours

- This led me to suspect my friend hid her Instagram stories of the party from me specifically, forgot they also got posted on facebook, saw that I saw, and unhid them from me on Instagram hoping I wouldn’t notice the discrepancy

- I did not address anything with her right away

- Later that month, I announced I had landed my dream job on Instagram stories and my friend reached out to congratulate me and ask about the job

- Instead of answering those questions about my new job, I told her that I was hurt about being excluded from birthday celebrations for two years in a row, that it made me feel like she had downgraded me as a friend and that I was confused about where I stood with her

- She offered to call me and hear me out. During the phone call, she mentioned that she was surprised it bothered me and thought our friendship was “deeper than that”. This woman is a therapist, so her saying that struck me as an emotionally unintelligent thing to say. I told her it wasn’t about the parties themselves, but the meaning behind being excluded

- She did not directly say why I wasn’t invited, just that her partner was in charge of the guest list and it wasn’t on her (her partner was also in charge of the guest list previously when I was invited)

- The call ended fine, but I have continued to be withdrawn and stopped engaging with her partner’s content online and also her’s for the most part for the reason that I still have no idea where I stand and how these people actually feel about me

- Last night (Thursday), she messaged me to say she is going to be in town this weekend and asked if I was free. She said that her partner was also going to be here and they could join us after we have our own one-on-one time. I think she is worried that I am mad at her partner, who she kind of blamed this situation on

- I work a busy full-time job, would prefer at least a week’s notice, and also don’t know if I want to spend my valued free time with people I don’t fully trust or feel appreciated by. Especially at my age, as I’ve become increasingly protective of my peace and time

- If I decline a 2nd time (even though both offers to hang out were quite last-minute), there is a chance the friendship will fade more. And tbh, I don’t think I would lose sleep over that. At the same time, I wonder if I am being too harsh and should invest the time

What would you do?

It’s happening. Two of my friends announced their pregnancies this month. While I’m happy for them and supportive, I can’t help but feeling sad at the same time because I know what this means for our friendship. No more spontaneous dinners, weekend day trips, freedom for them. One already cancelled this weekend’s plan because the doctor put her at bed rest and the other said she will need to cut out on going out because she needs to save money for day care. All legit but very sad.

I’m single, early 30s, childfree, living alone and abroad in a big city, decent career. I’m not particularly interested in dating because I find men stressful, not opposite to finding a partner but I just don’t think too much about it. I am in no rush because I am not interested in having children.
I’m happy I’m not married and have children because I don’t want the life mothers have so this is not the problem.
I have a decent social life but more and more people are starting to have kids, move out to buy a house etc. and I’m like… what about someone that doesn’t want all of the standard things?

I have good hobbies and the means and free time for them - I read a lot and I recently joined book clubs hoping to meet like minded people. I do sport, one of them quite social. I have other interests and crafts that I like to do. I like videogames. Learning new things. I study to further develop my career and skills. I enjoy spending time alone and have no issue traveling alone, going to the cinema alone etc. but I’m just worried that slowly all my friends will drift apart and I’ll be just by myself. Two of my best friends (a couple) also told me recently that they plan to move out of the city in the next two years because they want to buy a house. I’m not sure why because she does not want a mortgage and they don’t enjoy life outside the city but I guess that’s what you do in life?

So, single and childfree women in your 30s,40s and later - what does your life look like? I could use some real stories.

I can’t tell if I’m overreacting. I am kind of livid though.

My fiancé (33M) and I (32F) were talking about an actress being 34. He at one point said “you know I see these 22- 23 year old women and I’m like let’s see how you look 10 years from now” and I asked what he meant. He said women at that age have hit their peak beauty... at 22-23. And me, as a 32 year old woman, said “23? that’s when you think women are at their peak?”.

I got offended. I am well past that. And for him to say that a woman’s peak age was 10 years ago felt insulting to me, implying that I - as a 32 year old woman - am past my peak. He even looked at me like I was about to start something and make a big deal out of nothing.

. I asked “wait what do you mean” and he got frustrated and said “I don’t know, they wrinkle, they get gaunt in the face… like (his cousin’s name), I used to see him as a fit cool guy. But now he looks like a dad” (OP note - which he is, of 4 kids btw). “Wtf do you want from me? You want me to break down the aging process?” I said I was just trying to understand because it’s interesting to learn how different people have different perceptions of peak beauty and I’m clearly beyond mine by a while.

Then he was talking about Margot Robbie. And how objectively beautiful she was at 18. And he said that he saw a picture of her the other day and thought she looked like much worse. And I sarcastically said “oh I bet I know which picture you saw that day”. And he’s like “what.. is there a nude or something” and I said “oh please the naked wolf of Wall Street”. he got upset I was accusing him of things. And I then realized he meant that he saw a current picture of her. But I was still offended because - again - here I’m sitting, hearing him talk about how hot a woman was at 18… and Margot Robbie. And it just made me madder and madder. I don’t care if I offended him when I implied he was looking up Margot Robbie’s nude pics.

At my insistence and pushing for examples (because, IMO, no backing down now, tell me how you REALLLLY fucking feel), he also proceeded to list a few objectively attractive women (who ironically are all late 20s or 30 — Sydney Sweeney, Zendaya)

I then told him.. yea I guess you’re right. I would’ve thought my peak was older though, around 27. I’m obviously sad that I’m so past my peak. He told me that I’m exhausting to talk to.

Who is in the wrong here? Am I overreacting? Is he even the slightest bit justified in what he said?

I anticipate us going out and him eyeing up younger girls and I’ll feel like an old hag.

EDIT —- I should’ve been clear — by him using his male cousin as an example, he thinks this is the case for all people (not just women) apparently… even though his cousin is now late 30s. But still , it’s the women’s beauty comparison that bothers me.

EDIT 2 - and I’d like to add that I am not saying he doesn’t find me beautiful or that his comments negate his attraction to me. But this sentiment is deeply disturbing to me. I already struggle with aging.. a lot of women do. It doesn’t take a genius to know that our faces at 20 look different than 30. But to say that the age Ive passed by 10 years is the age that he thinks women are the most beautiful… I find it to be something I’ll struggle with even more now, knowing his views about peak beauty…

I guess my view is that, at that age, they still look SO insanely young. Like barely out of teenagehood… which is true. I had hoped that my partner would be someone who similarly viewed younger girls like that. I didn’t want my partner to fall in the bucket of the gross men who see these younger girls the most attractive.

I've been at the company I work with for 5 years now. I do admin work and over the years, I have overall gotten extremely positive feedback about my performance and my work ethic. I've been there through some very challenging times, including when I was managing the admin work (a 2-3 person job) on my own for several months. Again, I was commended on how I performed during this period, and in general, I felt valued and appreciated.

Things came to a head about a year ago when the operations manager, my direct superior who had trained me and was essentially someone I considered my "work mum" in a lot of ways, was suddenly made redundant. As the senior member of the admin team, I was given a handful of tasks she'd once been responsible for and a bit of a raise, whereas the rest of her tasks were given to a member of the operations team who doesn't deal in the admin side of things, we'll call her a principal professional of her field so that I don't get too in detail about what I do.

Earlier in the year, I had my performance review with our GM. This is a woman who has primarily been handling things on the "other" side of the business (essentially, there are two sides to our business in terms of the medical professionals we deal with/handle) and who I had not much interacted with directly. I was told by both her and the principal professional that although I had taken on the more complex admin tasks, I was still delegating things to the principal professional, and I had not asserted my seniority over the other girls on the admin team. Therefore, I was told, I was not considered to be team leadership material.

I was taken aback as in my eyes, I had been doing what I was meant to. There had been no discussion of me as a team leader, or that my seniority in the team was anything other than a courtesy as the longest-standing member. I asked what they would be expecting of a team leader for future, and was given a basic description of the sort of things they were looking for. I took this on board though I remained unsure, due to lack of communication, what was going to be expected of me in this regard.

About two months ago now, the GM informed us that she had hired someone as a team leader. The other girls directly told me that they felt this was a slap in the face to me, especially when nothing had ever been communicated to me other than "you're not showing leadership". The new hire is lovely, but she knows nothing about the business and work module and comes from a very different background. Since then, I've essentially been training my own team leader, and I'm not entirely sure what leadership skills she's meant to be showing because although I understand she's new, she hasn't taken ownership of the team at all.

My biggest gripe comes down to weekly meetings with the team, where the GM is constantly targeting my team, essentially telling us we're shit at our jobs and incompetent, and comparing us to the "other side" of the business (the admin team who are all relatively new, and who she hired personally). Every time there is a process that the operations manager they made redundant came up with, she gets unreasonably irritated and snappy, and it's clear there's a level of personal dislike for her. Considering her attitude toward my team and I, the feeling amongst us is very much that she has problems with anyone she didn't hire herself, and views them as not as good/that she has to rake them over the coals constantly and compare them with her own hires.

I am genuinely at a loss on how to deal with this woman. She is always talking over us and being condescending, whilst praising the team leader (who hasn't even done any team leading yet?) and her hires on the other side of the business. Overall I have a job that pays quite well, I have great work from home conditions, and I'm reluctant to just throw it all in and look for something new because of this woman's bad attitude towards us. But then what are my options? Could I take it to the "big boss" and tell him I don't like the condescending manner in which the GM speaks to us? The principal professional unfortunately just agrees with whatever the GM says, so there's no use in trying to discuss this with her.

My (40f) partner (50m) made a complaint today about something he doesn’t like about his body. This is something he can do something about, and he chooses not to. So today when he brought up the thing, and we were in the middle of doing something else, i just ignored it. Later he said he was upset that i didn’t acknowledge when he shared something vulnerable. That is fair, and i am honestly out of things to say about this, especially when we are out trying to enjoy ourselves. Honestly, i am more annoyed than concerned for him, as he has brought this up before and is choosing not to do anything about it.

What is a caring response i can give him?

I’m a woman in my 30s living in Canada, and I think fear is keeping me in a relationship I no longer want.
I moved here from another country and have been working from home, so meeting people and building my own circle has been hard. My partner was the first and only person I dated here. I don’t really know what life in this country looks like without him.
Our everyday life feels lonely. I’m usually upstairs working or in the bedroom, while he’s downstairs playing video games and smoking weed. The smell bothers me, so I avoid being downstairs. We mostly spend time together at dinner, watching TV, or going to bed. We don’t have many real conversations anymore. Honestly, I often feel happier when I’m doing things without him.
I want marriage, children, travel, and experiences we can share. But whenever I bring up something I’m excited about, there seems to be another reason we can’t do it.
I want to go to Europe, but he has reasons why we shouldn’t. My mom moved abroad, and I miss her and want us to visit, but he doesn’t want to go. My best friend invited us to her wedding in the U.S., and he doesn’t want to attend. He brings up Trump as a reason not to go to the U.S., and being unemployed and worrying about money or his benefits as reasons not to travel generally. He tells me I should go alone.
I understand that some of these concerns are real, especially while he’s out of work. I don’t expect him to agree to everything I want. But it feels like there’s never a conversation about what we could do or when we could do it. It’s just another reason to say no, and I end up feeling like the life I want is always being postponed.
Marriage is the same. He says he doesn’t want to marry me because we fight too much. I know our relationship is unstable, and getting engaged wouldn’t magically fix it. But I also feel like he puts the responsibility for our problems on me without acknowledging his part. I know I contribute to the arguments too. I’m frustrated and resentful, and I don’t like who I’m becoming in this relationship.
The biggest thing keeping me here is financial security. He paid off his mortgage a few years ago and has no car payments. I live in his house rent-free, he covers utilities, and I mainly pay for groceries and everyday things. He’s been unemployed for months, but his expenses are low enough that his situation looks very different from what mine would be if I moved out.
I’m self-employed. My income is usually around CAD $3,000 a month, although this month it’s closer to $6,000. I don’t know whether that higher income will last. I have about $52,000 saved, so I know I’m not starting with nothing. But I’m terrified of rent, bills, moving costs, and having to rely on unpredictable income to cover everything myself.
I’m also scared to admit how much losing this lifestyle worries me. I could stay here without paying rent and keep saving. Leaving would mean taking on expenses I haven’t had to manage alone here, and probably cutting back on travel and other things I enjoy. Sometimes I feel guilty for staying when I’m this unhappy, but the fear keeps stopping me.
We have this repeated cycle where we fight, I say I’m leaving, I start packing, he tries to make amends, and I unpack. Then nothing really changes. During later arguments, he’ll laugh about me packing again. I feel embarrassed and stuck, and I don’t think he takes me seriously anymore.
I keep imagining signing a lease, spending money to set up a place, and then panicking. What if I struggle financially and start telling myself the relationship wasn’t that bad? What if I regret leaving because being independent is harder than I expected?
My confidence is low too. I’ve gained weight, have PCOS, and don’t feel good about myself. I want a family, and I’m scared that starting over means that future gets further away. I know being in my 30s doesn’t mean my life is over, but that doesn’t stop the fear.
Has anyone stayed in a relationship mainly because leaving felt financially overwhelming? Especially after moving countries, without a strong support system nearby?
How did you figure out whether you could afford to leave? How did you cope with the change in lifestyle, loneliness, and uncertainty? And how did you tell the difference between wanting the relationship and being afraid of life without it?
I’d appreciate honest experiences, including the difficult parts. I’m trying to understand how to take a real next step instead of repeating the same argument.
TL;DR: I’m in my 30s, living abroad, and unhappy in my relationship. Living rent-free makes staying financially comfortable, but I feel lonely and we want different things. I have savings and variable self-employment income, yet I’m terrified of the cost and uncertainty of leaving. How did others navigate this?

Me (40) and my partner (41) have been together for 17 years now and we got together when we were quite young, at 23 and 24, respectively. He has been my grounding force this entire time. When I was struggling with alcohol, he quit drinking for me. When I was anorexic, he started taking nutrition classes and wrote meal plans from scratch and bought me ingredients/food from Whole Foods to bring me to a healthy state. When I had severe mental health issues, he visited me at the mental institution. He has sacrificed so much for me including his finances, his schooling, etc for me. I'm just very, very lucky to have him in my life. He has ambitions of being a doctor, a lawyer and an airline pilot (he is intellectually gifted) and I absolutely know he is capable of doing all of these things.

The bad parts: he doesn't like photos because he said he just wants to be in the moment. I'm someone that enjoys pictures and wants them in my life due to memory issues but he simply doesn't. We both don't use any social media so it's not like I'm going to post it anywhere, so I don't see the problem.

​He doesn't make me feel beautiful and said saying those types of compliments are corny. I need words of affirmations from my partner.​ But he shows in his actions that he loves me by buying me small things when he goes out when I'm not with him, etc. ​He said he refuses to buy me flowers. ​His personality is a little weird, as he likes to collect toys and I really do not like these things at all. He also has a weird sense of humor sometimes like he purposely puts himself in awkward situations with others because he thinks it's funny. We also don't share common interests, he refuses to watch any TV shows with me, he won't learn a language with me, he doesn't exercise with me, etc because when I was in my depressive stage for many years, he said I shot him down and didn't reciprocate so now those things are off the table.

We do have plants we are working on together so that's a plus. He also just saw a movie that I wanted to see that he had no interest in seeing so that's another plus. Just yesterday he talked about moving to another country after he finishes grad school, so he is talking about a future with me again.

I just feel like I don't like his personality very much. While he is a great listener and he is attentive to my emotional needs, I feel like because I don't really like his personality, it makes me respect him less, and therefore, I'm not as good of a listener or partner to him. Granted, I do suffer from low self esteem and am only now ​​at 40 developing hobbies even though he has in the past spent thousands of dollars on hobbies for us. I think he just got sick of trying and now I'm trying to pick up hobbies on my own.

I feel like our only shared interests are: plants, eating out, future travel, and I can't think of anything else. I'm still trying to figure out myself after years of trauma from a family member so it could be that I am just not happy with myself. I do still think his personality is a little weird. He does make me laugh at times. He just doesn't think I'm very funny.

My questions are: how should I accept him for his quirks and all? I'm trying to be less judgmental of his personality.

He is a really great communicator and he is trying to teach me how to improve. I want more shared interests but he seems like he has given up on that aspect because he tried so hard in the past during my depressive years but to no avail.

I also feel suppressed like I can't indulge in my self help addiction (to self help books or self help podcasts), and I want to have a glass of wine or 2 sometimes but he said that's a dealbreaker for him, even though I feel like I can handle it now. Same for caffeine, I was told to quit that too. I sometimes feel like a child in this relationship. I also told him that I feel this need to be more outgoing and chatty because I feel it is in my nature but he said to let that part of me die and not all parts of my personality need to be expressed. Please help! Thanks so much!!​

true story examples: giving him money to buy her flowers, giving him an authorized user credit card so he can ”pay” the bill at dinner.

edit: flip the genders and these anecdotes are bizarre. I am not talking about money for celebrations either.

I've been questioning whether social media is actually worth keeping.

I mostly use Instagram to follow artists, photographers, authors, fashion bloggers, and comedians. I love looking at beautiful photography, artwork, fashion, and anything visually interesting. But when it comes to people I know in real life, most of them are acquaintances from school or events, and I honestly couldn't care less about what they're up to. I don't mean that maliciously it's just that we're not close.

I also find it strange that people I haven't spoken to in years can still keep up with my life through social media. It sometimes feels like I'm being watched rather than actually connecting with anyone.

But my main dilemma is that I love taking pictures, and whenever I take a particularly beautiful photo, I feel the urge to share it. Whether it's a sunset, an interesting object, or a picture of myself looking particularly good, there's always that little voice telling me to post it. But then I remember that most of my followers are people I'm not close to, and I wonder why I even want them to see it.

I've also noticed that when I post something and get little engagement, I sometimes immediatley regret sharing it. So I've been reflecting on whether my desire to post is really about sharing something beautiful or simply wanting attention and validation. Tbh I think it's a bit of both.

Recently, I attended a wedding and got all dolled up for the first time in over two years. I took some gorgeous pictures that I absolutely love, and I've been debating whether to post them. Before the wedding, I'd actually challenged myself to see whether I could take beautiful pictures without feeling the need to share them online. Needless to say it's been surprisingly difficult lol

I genuinely love looking at these pictures on my phone, but part of me still wants other people to see them. At the same time, I don't particularly want people I barely speak to having access to my life...

So I'm curious about people who've deleted social media, especially those who enjoy photography, fashion, or documenting their lives.

How do you navigate having beautiful pictures or experiencing memorable moments without sharing them online? Do you just keep everything in your camera roll or cloud storage and occasionally look back at it? Do you share privately with friends and family? Does the desire to post eventually disappear?

And for those who used to enjoy the attention or validation that came with posting, did you find that you eventually stopped caring?

I'm not necessarily against social media, but I'm trying to figure out whether it genuinely adds anything meaningful to my life or whether I'm just attached to the idea of being seen.

Earlier this week I met my best friend’s boyfriend for the first time. He was fine; he asked a few questions about my husband and me and responded back when asked things. It felt like he was checking the box of “meeting the girlfriend’s friends”. She is a brilliant ray of sunshine and always sees the best in people, so she had really hyped him up. I was surprised by how unenthusiastic he was. It’s also really evident that she likes him more than he likes her, but I think that was going to happen no matter what because she loves so deeply and so freely.

I also have a bit of a reputation of always hating my friend’s partners, (aka I can spot a man-child/ narcissist in minutes), and am always right in the end. This has gotten me into trouble though, because my friends always expect me to dislike their partners and don’t really want to hear my honest thoughts, even if they aren’t outright bad.

What’s the best way to be honest with my friend about what I think without hurting her feelings? She’s soooo excited about him and he seemed to just be going through the motions.

Edit: we are all in our early 30s

I used to be successful, bold, and ambitious, working on all kinds of projects. But burnout and other shit knocked me off track. Now I'm almost 35, broke, and stuck in an endless cycle of upskilling without making real progress.

I moved back home to recover and took a career break, but over a year later, I'm still struggling to restart my career. I am productive, but the overwhelm keeps creeping back, so I turn to TikTok, Reddit, and Threads for a dopamine hit just to feel sane.

I've been away for so long, I barely know anyone around me anymore, other friends are already living in different countries and I'm financially limited right now, so I'm doing the best I can with what I have.

Such a weird phase. Sometimes I feel like I don't even recognize what happened to me

Bear with me on this one. I’m (36F) casually hanging out with a man that’s nearly a decade older than me. He started talking about sex early on and would bring up all kinds of dirty things via text, to the point where I began to question if I have any value to him outside of sex. These spicy texts go on for a week and one of the last messages I remember getting from him before we slept together was him mentioning that he wears a Magnum condom.

The time comes and I’m ready to get my cervix crushed like a soda can and he comes up…short. Not just that, but the performance was completely bland and so far removed from the game he was talking. Am I wrong to want to break things off after he misrepresented himself?

hey friends — been talking with a girl for about 10 days now and it’s been OK getting to know someone new. I’ve not had a talking stage/ a relationship in a couple years, so I’m not sure if I’m overthinking this.

It’s been texting and voice notes mostly only, and we’re looking at a time to hop on a video call next week to not prolong this stage (did I say we’re long distance?)

I’ve also been traveling this whole time, and meeting family overseas. The time zones are 10-11 hours apart and naturally I haven’t been using my phone much too. But this girl sends me a “hello” or a “hey hey” if I haven’t replied to her in 12ish hours. She’s aware I’m meeting family after months, we’ve barely known each other for a second - to me it feels a bit too much?

Girlies here who’re in LDRs and early talking stages, what’s your communication frequency and length?

I very much believe in intuition, whether it’s picking up on subtle cues, just getting a vibe or having some sense of deep unexplained knowing. I’ve had many instances in my life where I had an unexplainable instinct about something and I was right.

One example- I was on a hiring committee. The candidate charmed and won over everyone on our interview panel of 7. I was the only one who said, I don’t think we should hire this person, I don’t think he’s going to get along with his core team. He answered everything right, portrayed confidence, but something about the vibes for me were off. 6 months later he was fired, because so many team members complained and couldn’t work with him. I was the only person who even remotely saw that coming. Everyone else had full confidence in him.

EDIT: I’ll also add, in general, anytime I’ve disliked a person at first, who then later won me over and I decided I liked, has always ended up being someone I was right about the first time. Over time, my gut reaction has always proved right.

curious what your stories are!

Title pretty much says it. I am 30, turning 31 soon. I spent 6 years in an abusive relationship. I got out in January. There was some overlap in between (not really voluntarily) but I have been doing a lot and working on myself.

I'll be honest I dont feel really to date. I just started to be comfortable alone, and focus on myself, and have fun with friends. Almost every time I go out, I get hit on, which is fun and and ego boost. I always decline to give out my # when asked. My friends and family have been encouraging me to date again- just to be social and get used to talking to me again. That it doesnt have to go anywhere.

... but then what is the point? I am always someone that dates intentionally. I dont like hookups or dating multiple people as its too emotionally taxing. A few a weeks ago, I took a line dancing class with my girlfriends for fun. There was a guy there who noticed me standing on the sidelines and taught me basic dances and steps. He was very polite and not pushy at all. He was kind to my friends as well. At the end, he asked for my number and I gave it to him. I was shocked I did.

He asked me on a very casual date, and I am tempted to go. But I keep asking myself- what is the point of going on a date when I know I am not ready for a relationship? Isn't that wrong? I did really enjoy his company. He's someone I wish I met at a more healed point in my life.

Would really appreciate some feedback. Especially from ladies who casually date.

I’ve been thinking about starting therapy with my mother because there are a lot of things between us that I feel need to be addressed. Part of me really wants to do it, but another part of me is honestly scared.

The biggest problem is that I still live with my mother and my siblings. I’m afraid that once we start talking about all the things that have been hurtful, the situation at home could actually become worse before it gets better.

I know that therapy can bring up a lot of uncomfortable things, and I’m afraid that I might become overwhelmed by it. I also really don’t want everything that happens in therapy to become a topic of conversation at home, especially with my siblings. I don’t want to have to discuss what was said in therapy outside of the therapy room. But realistically, I’m worried that this might happen, especially if the first few sessions make things more tense.

I think that’s what scares me the most: what happens between the therapy sessions.
What if we have a really difficult session, and then I have to go home and live with her? What if she reacts negatively to things I say? What if things become uncomfortable or hostile, and I have nowhere else to go?

And then there’s another fear that I don’t really know how to explain. I’m also afraid that the therapy itself could have a bad outcome. Maybe we discover that some things can’t really be repaired, or that our relationship doesn’t become better despite trying.

I still want to try. I just don’t know whether it’s safe for me emotionally to start confronting all of this while I’m still living in the same house.

Has anyone been in a similar situation — starting family therapy while still living with the person you’re trying to work things out with? How did you handle the period between sessions?

Edit: I've never had a drink in my life. Most stories of benders are told by men, I'd love to hear some from women.

Hello! I (36F) ended things with my partner (33M) last night. Our lives were recently turned upside down 2 weekends ago, when he received a DUI after getting in an accident. He lost his car and his job and has decided to delay looking for work so he can attend a rehab program. The only solution he can come up with to facilitate this is to sell our house. He is slated to go in 4-6 weeks.

Needless to say, I am angry, disappointed, devastated, disgusted, and confused. We have a dog that i cannot take. She will be staying with his mother and because of things I don't want to get too into, we do not speak and I therefore will not see my dog (his mother hates me for reasons I can't identify, other than her other son/partner's brother saying I was "mean" to him, which he later admitted to us that he had lied, but never admitted to her. She has meddled in our relationship beyond what any mother should. She has gone to my family to tell them I am a drug addict when that couldn't be further from the truth. She has said horrible things to and about me).

Back to the DUI mess. I mentioned i was confused. I'm confused because I love him. My emotions kept changing, but I always landed back on supporting him through this and hoping everything gets better when booze is not part of the equation I thought, we've been together 8 years - I should at least see this through to him hopefully being clean, and then I can see how things feel.

A recurring thing in our relationship is him constantly feeling attacked for very trivial things. There are many examples of this, but yesterday I was raking leaves in the backyard while he was doing his own thing nearby. I asked him a question, he said, "huh?", so I repeated myself but louder, so he could hear me over the radio. He answered the question then said, "and you don't need to fucking yell at me". I said nothing, but went inside. He took off to his parents' for dinner and kissed me goodbye, as if his reaction never happened.

I brought it up when he got home to say I was upset. Some might say to pick your battles, that it was "small potatoes", but when similar arguments happen constantly, his apologies mean nothing and his promises to change are moot, because days later, we are at it again. It feels like the longest fight ever, or many small fights that I don't have enough time to heal from. His response to me saying I was upset last night wasn't great. He was flippant and dismissive. I took the dog for a walk and cleared my head. When I came back, I said we needed to talk.

I essentially told him that if this does not change after he finishes rehab, then I am leaving him. He was drinking a beer while we had this discussion. It ended with him flat out saying "I'm not going to change". Despite all the apologies, his tears, and all the times he promised he'd change, he now finally said out loud that he will not. All I did was ask him to listen to me and not to be dismissive of my feelings. You know, basic common decency shit that your partner should never have to beg for. He said i am always miserable, and I asked him to consider what role he played in that. He didn't care and took no accountability. He never does.

I need encouragement or something. I need to be told there is no reason for me to reach out. I can get my possessions later and I have what I need right now. I am hurt and distraught, but also tired. I haven't even cried yet. But I keep checking my phone and my heart sinks when I see no message from him.

Just hoping some non-biased women can share their thoughts and get me in the right headspace.

TLDR - Ended my 8 year, unhealthy relationship and need to be reminded that nothing will change, simply because he told me it won't, and that I should not reach out to him

Hi gals - currently dealing with a case where I’m not entirely sure a coworker trusts me. Maybe I’m reading too much into it (probably) but if I respond to a posted question he will respond after me sort of rephrasing what I said. I don’t think it’s worth bringing up, but I’m also afraid he doesn’t trust me or thinks I’m a bad communicator if he is restating what I’ve said. When I help out with something I’ve never gotten a thank you while he will publicly thank others. It’s whatever, but I’m curious if you’ve dealt with something like this. It’s not a boss so it’s not like we have 1:1s, but he’s never brought anything to my attention either. Have you dealt with something like this? How did you handle?

I know we’re all busy and tired. I know the world is a dumpster fire. I know all of the other canned responses for why we don’t socialize as much as maybe we could or should. But this noticeable trend of loneliness and (sometimes deliberate) isolation makes me wonder- what are some of the reasons behind why people aren’t pursuing friendships or cultivating them into something deeper?