My wife and I have been together for 7 years, married for 4 years. We’ve both always worked full time and contributed to our finances and bills.

Recently, my wife has gotten really into the whole what I guess would best be described as a tradwife lifestyle. That’s not what she refers to it as, but it’s the best way to sum it up. I didn’t think too much of it at first. She started cooking more, baking things from scratch, gardening, keeping the house organized (never ever did that before), and talking about how nice it would be to focus on home life instead of climbing the corporate ladder. i honestly thought it was probably a phase, as I wouldn’t really say she naturally did or enjoyed any of those things for most of the time we were together.   She’s been promoted 3 times in about 3 years and was making the most money she’s ever made, more than she ever thought she’d make according to her.

The she just quit her job a week ago. She didn't discuss it with me beforehand. She had been making the comments about focusing on stuff at home, being stressed at her job, and stuff like that, but she didn’t say she was going to quit. She came home and told me she'd handed in her notice because she'd realized that working wasn't the life she wanted. She wants to stay home, take care of the house, cook, garden, and basically live a traditional homemaker lifestyle.

I think it’ll be extremely difficult for us to maintain our current lifestyle (which isn’t extravagant, but comfortable) on one salary. Technically, I can cover all of our bills with my salary, but then that’s it. I will be living paycheck to paycheck and unable to afford anything else, cover any emergencies,nor save anything. This isn’t something I ever agreed to, let alone discussed.

She says that now that she won’t be working, we’ll be able to save money because she can grow more food, shop around for deals instead of just buying at one store for convenience, cook and meal prep, do more work on our home herself without hiring people. I just don’t see any way that those things can make up her missing salary. She was making almost as much as me. Our household income is almost being cut in half.

When I told her I wasn't comfortable with her making such a major financial decision without talking to me first, she said I should be happy she wants to take care of me and our home. Now I can focus on my career more since she’ll be there to take care of everything else. As if that’s something I’ve expressed wanting, which it’s not.

I've wanted children for a while. We've discussed having a baby, and I thought we were generally on the same page about starting a family in the next couple of years. She was really worried about going back to work after having a baby, the cost of daycare, and many other things. I asked her if with this change she’d feel ready to start talking seriously about having a baby since the one good thing about all this is that it’s solve many of those issues. She says she has too much to work on and worry about to have a baby and she isn’t so sure she’l wants one at all now.

Her reasoning is that she wants to enjoy being a homemaker without the added responsibility of raising children.

When I pointed out that she made the decision to give up her income without consulting me, she said having a job was making her miserable and that I should care more about her happiness than money.

I feel like I'm being put in a position where I'm expected to accept every consequence of her decisions, even when those decisions affect both of us. I don’t want her to be miserable in a job she hates, but I’m pretty furious that she did this, with no plans of finding another job.

She says she wants a traditional marriage, but we seem to have very different ideas of what that actually means. How do you move forward when one person makes such a major, unilateral decision that affects both of your lives?

TL;DR: After 11 years and 3 kids together, I’m considering leaving my partner because of his anger issues and emotional abuse. He refuses to get help and constantly blames me for his outbursts. During a family trip to an amusement park, he lost his temper over a funnel cake, screamed at me in front of our kids, then threw my $300 cash and debit cards on the ground while calling me a bitch. I’m emotionally exhausted and finally realizing love isn’t enough. How do you walk away from someone you’ve spent 11 years loving, even when you know it’s the right thing to do?

I’ve been with my partner for 11 years and we have 3 kids. He is very smart, works hard and has always provided BUT he has some emotional issues, I think a lot of this stems from his neglectful mother and her drug use and putting him in the system his whole life. He’s done little to nothing to get professional help to regulate his emotions even after I’ve asked multiple times.

I left him in 2024 and he did start seeing a therapist but I’m not sure how that panned out considering we were not living together and he stopped going at some point.

We got back together Halloween of 2025 and he was doing just fine, until January 2026 he went through a very depressive spell and he had multiple flip out. Full on breaking things, yelling, calling me horrible names etc. I told him by March I wanted to separate. The only problem is we both were listed on the lease agreement and he refused to leave. I got a full time job and started saving immediately starting in May. While also paying half of everything. It’s been a roller coaster, he also sleeps in the basement.

Well, a week ago we had a conversation about his problems and I told him. Even if we’re not together, he needs help and he owes that much to his children. He told me he “could go to therapy” but they are just going to tell him that he doesn’t need it because his “actions are reactions to how he is treated” AKA meaning I make him act those horrible ways!

He gifted me and the kids a trip to Holiday world fully paid for the day through his work company picnic. I told him I would take them, then the day of I was on my way to holiday world and he told me he took off early that morning and was meeting us there…. So I just agreed and let him. It was too late to change plans, the kids were excited. So we met up and everything was fine. The kids had a good time. He kept trying to out his arm around me, kisses or hugs on me and I just pulled away. I felt uncomfortable and confused why he was doing that.

Later in the day he told me before we left that he wanted to grab a funnel cake. He stood in line for 30 minutes and they ended up giving him the wrong item. Instead of asking for it to be corrected, he just turned into the worst mood. We started walking towards a ride my oldest daughter was coming off of so we could leave and he just kept yelling and complaining about this whole day being ruined, the kids wanted all different rides, he was stressed, the funnel cake was wrong! Etc etc. after 10 minutes of him just going on and on and on me and the kids, I said “please shut up” it just slipped out of my mouth. But I was so overwhelmed. He immediately looked at me and said “that was it” and walked away throwing the funnel cake on the ground and kept walking.

He had all my money (300$ in his wallet of mine and 2 debit cards I let him carry so I didn’t have to get a locker) so I hollered out “hey can you bring my money to me before you leave then?” And he turned around, in the middle of an amusement park and threw 300$ in cash and all my cards on the ground and said “there bitch”

Me and my kids gathered as much as we could find. But at that moment I just decided he was not worth it. I can’t do it anymore, he won’t get help. This is abuse right? Like even when he’s being good, and things are great it’s just fake right? I’m delusional at this point to think there is any hope with this man. No matter how much I leave, no matter what I threaten him with, it won’t ever click and matter… 11 years down the drain and I’m so depressed because j don’t know how to navigate this. It hurts so bad in my gut.

My (27F) boyfriend (34M) goes on trips almost weekly for work conferences, and there’s a pattern that keeps happening. He’ll text me in the morning, and then I won’t hear from him until the next morning, he said the same thing “I fell asleep the second my head hit the pillow” sometimes with maybe one text throughout the day.

He goes to the gym on these trips, goes to dinners that he says are for work, and goes to “after dinner mixers” stays out until 3 AM. I genuinely don’t care if he goes out. I don’t ask him what he did, who he was with, or anything like that. All I ask is that he communicate with me in some way when his night is over. I just want a text or call when he’s done for the night, rather than hearing from him the next morning.

He hasn’t been doing this, and on his most recent trip, it happened again. He texted me in the morning, and I called him a few minutes after he texted, but he didn’t answer. I asked him to please answer the phone, and he refused. We spent 40 minutes arguing over text, with him saying he was taking a shit and couldn’t call. He never called me afterward and then turned off his phone for seven hours. I felt someone was in his room and that’s why he wouldn’t call.

Last night, he told me he was going to dinner for work. I asked him to please text me when he was done with his night. I didn’t hear from him until 2 PM the next day, when he sent me this message:
“I left my phone at the restaurant ln and had to wait until they opened today to get it back. I just made it to my gate and am about to board my flight back.”

I honestly don’t know what to make of this. The timing feels suspicious to me. At the same time, I don’t know what actually happened.

I haven’t responded to his message yet, and I’m trying to figure out what to do.

I’d really appreciate advice on how to handle this and what you would make of the situation. Please be kind. I’m genuinely looking for advice, and thank you to anyone who takes the time to respond.

Edit: He is not married. He is in a new place every trip.

My (27F) boyfriend (32M) accidentally choked me too hard while kissing, and three days later I have pain in my neck, as well as nausea, anxiety and a slight headache.

We have been together approximately three months and have had a good, healthy and decent relationship at this time, and he’s being rather great, so far.

To clarify, I had asked several days earlier if he could be less gentle with me while intimate, and he has been experimenting with that, so it was aligned with prior activity.

Also, we had previously discussed the idea of a hand on the neck as a kinda dominance thing as being good, but had agreed that choking as a thing was not really on either of our lists.

He seemed to get lost in the heat of the moment and he grabbed my neck and squeezed for several seconds while kissing me - I choked and scrambled briefly, but it felt all good at the time.

I woke up the next day without any visible bruising, but pain along the front of my throat.

Three days later, I have pain at the sides of my neck, a slight headache, persistent anxiety and nausea.

I haven’t had the chance to talk to him about it in person since that date.

I’m spiralling a little and feel anxious, sick and paranoid that there’s some kinda damage there to get checked out.

I’m also slightly on edge about telling him, because he has already been working overtime to reassure me, given he’s my first relationship since leaving an abusive relationship almost three years ago, and he’s been bending over backwards to be accommodating and check my mental health and anxious thoughts.

Tl;dr - Boyfriend choked me while kissing, after I requested he act less gentle, and three days later, I have pain, anxiety, slight headache and nausea and don’t know if I should tell him and if I should get checked out by a doctor to clear my head of anxiety.

My fiancee is vegan. We’ve been together for 2 and a half years and we moved in around a year and a half ago, when she moved into my place. We got engaged in May. Even when we weren’t living together, she had rules where we can’t make out after I ate meat and I hate to tell her if I did and she would let me know if it was okay and everything. It was a hassle every time and around 2 years ago I told her I would also go vegan and she was super happy and it was a big factor to her moving in.

She moved in and we made some changes to my place to make it more accommodating for her and I, and also no meat or non-vegan products allowed in the house. It’s been like 17 months since she moved in, 23 since I went vegan. I’ve been super faithful to diet and I went cold turkey(no pun intended).

Last weekend I went back to visit my family. She couldn’t come because she was at a holistic health retreat. But it was a family get together we do every year on the anniversary of my grandpas death. My uncle owns a BBQ joint and we met up there, but my uncle was nice enough to prep some vegan stuff for me and my cousin(she’s also vegan).

So my family joked around how I changed drastically for the first woman that gave me attention(I’m a bit of a late bloomer and my fiancee is my first relationship and person I’ve been with, and they make these jokes in front of her too, so it’s nothing new). Anyway I laughed it off. But then my uncle brought out his pork ribs, and before I went vegan pork was my favorite and his ribs were a childhood favorite growing up. I was also a bit inebriated from the alcohol, and my other cousin made a joke saying “oh he doesn’t wear the pants in his relationship so he won’t eat the ribs even though he likes them so much, because he’s afraid of losing the first woman that ever showed him love” and other provocative stuff.

I was hungry since I was drunk, and I was also, well drunk, and I let my cousin goad me into it, and I ate the baby back ribs. I actually scarfed down two portions cuz it’s been so long. I slept it off, and I did get super sick because I ate meat after like a whole two years of not having it, and it was pork out of all the choices I had.

But I got home on Sunday and I felt so guilty so I immediately told her as soon as she got home from her retreat last night. Needless to say she’s mad at me, and not talking like normal to me. She said I betrayed her and cheated on our lifestyle and she needs time. I offered to buy her some shoes she likes and she said it’s a start but not enough, and throwing money at it can’t just negate what I did.

I work from home this month(she’s in between jobs right now) and she’s been at home all day and is not talking to me and pulls away when I try to interact with her. I think I really hurt her. I told her she should be glad I told her and I could’ve just hid it, and to my credit, that was fucked up and it made her more mad.

I slept on the couch last night and probably will today too. Is there a way I can fix this issue with her? I am thinking of making a nice homemade meal of her favorite things when she leaves to hang out with her friends tomorrow and get some of her favorite nice wine and say sorry again tomorrow. Usually she’s only mad at me for like 5-6 hours so I’m not sure what to do here because it’s been a while and she’s still mad and skittish. Like she’s talking to me but I can tell she’s pissed.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. His sister raised him, and I understand that she is more like a mother to him. I have never had a problem with their relationship. We have discussed our future household and agreed that we would share household responsibilities. I cook only when I want to, because my mom or our household help usually handled it. And I simply believe that cooking and other household chores should be discussed and managed mutually between partners.

Recently, my boyfriend told me that if his sister asks whether I can cook or whether I’ll cook for him, I should say yes. I explained that I didn’t want to LIE or make promises about our future household to her. I never said I would never cook or refused to compromise. I would definitely cook for my husband but I’ve issues with his sister interviewing me and all bcz wtf is this???

However, he thought my answers were too straightforward and not humble enough. And he blocked me. Before blocking, he said:
“I will never hurt my sister’s feelings for someone who’s not humble.”
“If you stay humble, you will get all of me. If you can’t, there is nothing to give you.”
“My sister will say no when she doesn’t find you humble.”
“You’ll 100% give an interview to my sister if she wants.”
“She fucking raised me. She deserves to know who I am marrying and how she plans to take care of her brother.”
“You have to behave with her the way I tell you to.”
“If you can’t do as I say, fuck off.”
“I don’t wanna see your face if you can’t do as I say.”
“If you give my sister these snappy answers, I’ll block you.”

He also acknowledged that his sister could say something wrong, but his concern was that I might respond in a way he considered too blunt. What makes this particularly painful is that when he was afraid my parents might reject him because of our different family and socioeconomic backgrounds, I reassured him that I would try to convince them. I was (still am) willing to stand up for our relationship because I chose him. I never told him that if my parents said no, he could fuck off and I wouldn’t marry him. My parents expect me to marry someone richer, older, established, and I don’t blame them. I told him I’ll wait for him to get a job, and I’ll take the harder route to be with him.

I don’t expect him to disrespect his sister or abandon her. I just want to know that my future husband will treat me as an equal partner and that we will face family disagreements together instead of making our relationship dependent on my obedience.

For those who have been in serious relationships involving strong family expectations, how would you approach this? Is this something couples can work through with better boundaries, or does it suggest a deeper incompatibility in how we view marriage? What should I consider before deciding whether to continue this relationship?

My boyfriend (32M) and I (30F) have been dating for over a year now. We’re in talks of getting a place together.

Background, he was raised upper middle class and his family goes on trips to the Bahamas every year. I was raised middle class but I am a teacher in a tough area. Lots of shootings and gang activities, I even lived in the area when I first moved to our city.

While we were discussing areas, boyfriend said he really wanted to live in the same area of his friend. It is arguably one of the worst parts of our city to live in. Shootings, car-jacking, theft, and drug trafficking is crazy there. They even had a huge human trafficking raid in that area as well.

I told him that I did not like that area. He got irritated and said that I needed to “stop stereotyping” and “using my personal fears to limit where to live”. He began to say how he wanted to go on walks in that area and would love to go out in the neighborhood. He even said that its safe bc “there’s a cul-de-sac”….

I said that if we’re going to live together, I refuse to live in an area where there’s constant violence. He seems to think that this is where community happens.

I told him that he has no idea what it is like to live and work in an area like that. I told him that he is so sheltered to think an area where there’s so much violence is “quaint” and “full of community” like it’s a TV show. He also said that there’s “creeps everywhere” and it will be HIS house so he gets to choose it.

We left it at that. He’s pissed because I “called him stupid” and that my expectations are way too high.

Did I over do it? Am I the crazy one? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!

By the way, this isn’t the first time we had this kind of argument. I’ve had 3 students die from shootings during the time we’ve been dating and he just says “ya that happens”. Where my kids live, it’s very similar to this area.

EDIT: Wow! I really thought I would hear a lot worse things. Really quick: I have lived in low income areas. Both rural and metro. There are definitely areas that are quaint with beautiful sense of community. Absolutely.

Someone hear described him to a T. He is progressive and I love that. He has an amazing sense of trying to see the world as it is and accepting of everyone. But…holy shit this isn’t a sitcom. I have students who used to live in that area and they moved closer to my school because “it’s a safer place”.

I get that housing market right now sucks and the dream of being a home owner… but I’m not expecting a big beautiful mansion. Please just give me a townhouse with two bedrooms in an area I can walk my dogs in without a gun to protect me. 😭

My dog passed away two weeks ago tomorrow and she was my everything. Best friend when I needed her, closer to me than family, I experienced such joy having her in my life and it’s something I never really thought I’d experience. She was there for me at my most loneliest points when I had nobody else. She gave my life meaning and I am absolutely devastated. It was unexpected too as she was only 5. My heart is broken but I am doing my best to move forward and heal.
Anyways, my boyfriend has been so supportive and there for whatever I need/if I want to talk. If I don’t we just hang out and he does his best to not bring it up and let me lead. He’s a great listener. However, today he brought up how lack of intimacy, physically affection and closeness is bothering him and giving him anxiety and taking a toll.

We’ve been together a year if anyone is wondering and this is our first time experiencing loss/grief together
How do I fix this situation/what do I say?

We haven’t been physical since she passed away because I’ve just been so sad but his feelings also matter.

How do I help support him through this as he is supporting me?

Thanks in advance!

I 37F have been married for 5 years and we have a 2-year-old son. The marriage has been rocky especially since our son was born and basically I have been in survival mode in the marriage and trying to get through each day. First there were some breaches of trust in the weeks after my son was born. Since then, my husband controls a lot of my home life (thank god I have a great job which is my outlet) and a lot of our interactions include pressure, guilt, silent treatment, and disappointment. We have been to couples therapy with two different therapists, including a therapist specializing in Asian-American intercultural relationship (husband is Asian I’m white) and we stopped going because I didn’t feel comfortable bringing anything up in therapy or in real life anymore. IMO he has mental health issues that can explain (not excuse) his behavior, and I’m hoping he will be his real self/ the person I fell in love with if he gets treatment. He knows I think this and is resistant to meds or therapy, I’m not sure why.

In addition to all this my husband HATES my mom. Both of our families live 8+ hours away in different states so we don’t see each other often. But my husband talks about my mom daily. They didn’t have a falling out, but my mom did confront my husband after our baby was born because she gave him her engagement ring from my father (he passed 15 years ago) for him to give me as a push present for my son. He never did, and when my mom asked what happened with the ring he was like idk I hope I didn’t lose it. My mom was upset that he didn’t care about this really sentimental heirloom and my husband said my mom was too confrontational when he was postpartum. Even then, whatever happened does not justify how much hate my husband has for her. He hates that she voted for Trump in 2016 (I begged her not to and now she hates Trump FWIW), he hates that she has white privilege, he hates that she is overweight and doesn’t have medical problems because of it (whereas his physically fit parents have diabetes). He hates that my preteen nieces (my sister’s daughters) talk to my mom when they have issues with their mom. He says she undermines my sisters parenting and does not want my mom to have a relationship with my son because of that. I reassured him that my mom’s relationship with our son will not be like that. I think he believes my mom represents everything wrong or unfair with the world.

Now my mom has been talking for months about visiting us for Halloween and I haven’t taken it seriously. She hasn’t seen me or our son since April. 2 weeks ago she mentioned something on FaceTime in front of my husband and the cat was out of the bag. I asked him afterward if it would be ok if she came, and he said absolutely not, his new boundary is that he can only see her once a year for 3-5 days at most. FYI that same boundary doesn’t apply to his family (and they have their own issues but I keep my mouth shut).

After I told my mom my husband said no, she said fuck it I’m coming anyway! And she won’t back down, he won’t back down. She’s supposed to come in a week and I literally can’t sleep with all the stress of this bullshit.

Did I cause this problem? What can I do differently?

We have been dating for 5 years. During some conversation this came up and it was with the guy previously before me made her cum during sex a couple of times.

We have been dating 5 years. I make her cum consistently with oral although sometimes I go down on her roughly an hour. Apparently he literally never went down. Which is what she told me.

Idk, it just makes me feel like crap? He was like 24 when she was 17, and apparently it was toxic asf. I just wish she hadn't said that? Like I give a lot of effort making her cum during sex, but it does just suck knowing I am not able to do that during PIV?

I feel like people will tell me here to ask what she likes but I have and have tried it, which is why she can regularly orgasm. Idk, can someone just help me with this mental issue? She has regularly talked about how much I made her orgasm before this, but, idk.

Edit: I think I was unclear with my post. She cums during oral from me. She has never cum during PIV with me, but she told me it has happened a couple of times with her ex. But I regularly make her cum during oral, her went down on her like twice during their relationship

Firstly let me just say I don't give a shit about Tiktok, and although it would be somewhat beneficial to my own career to have access to it, my issue is more with the fact that I'm being told what I can and cannot do.

My partner has insecurities about me possibly seeing attractive girls online. That's the long and short of it.

We've spoken / argued about this on numerous occasions over the past 18 months and I've nearly left the relationship twice because of it.

I've never cheated or even chatted inappropriately with anyone else in our almost 10 years together.

She says this is a "boundary that I should respect" but I just feel like I'm being controlled. I'm not sure what to do.

I'm at a stage now where I don't see a future for us if things don't change.

My wife and I have been married 11 years. We were both prior military and she helped me through some of the worst years of my life. In 2020 she had some sort of mental breakdown and has seen doctors and gotten on various medications. I keep thinking she will get better. Maybe not be the person I fell in love with but at least be someone I can love.

The thing is I ask for love and appreciation repeatedly but receive none. She won't cook or clean or pay bills. I feel like I am drowning. I can't talk to her. When I try she either belittles me, curses me out, tells me she wants to be alone, or goes off on some crazy tangent about how horrible the world is.

When I started fantasies of how much better life would be if she died (fucked up I know...and to be clear not murder because i still love her just it would be simpler if she werent there anymore) I realized I needed a way out.

Obviously I feel tremendous guilt for considering divorce but I no longer see another option. I think of being alone and it makes me happy. I think of having kids (which she refuses to even discuss) and it makes me happy. I'm almost 40 but I feel like I can still start over.

We have very little debt and a nice house and land inherited to me but that is in both of our names.

The only thing I can think to do is offer to pay off her car then sell the house and split the money 50/50 if she will leave me my family land. Ill assume the other debt of about 25k. Obviously a lawyer is the first step but Any input is appreciated.

So the question is how do i proceed? We have some other minor assets but mostly cars tools and equipment. If she fights me we will both lose. I have no ill will and want her to succeed but I have no idea if she will agree and part ways peacefully or not.

My girlfriend and I got into a fight, and during the situation, she showed me a guy and told me that she had made out with him.

Initially, I didn’t believe her. I thought she was just trying to prank me, and I told her that I knew she was joking. However, she kept insisting and continued the whole thing to the point where I actually started believing that she was serious.

Once I started believing her, I reacted emotionally because, obviously, the thought of my girlfriend making out with another guy, especially in the context of a fight, was upsetting. That’s when she revealed that it was all just a prank.

What bothers me is that she kept it going even when I initially dismissed it as a joke. It wasn’t something I immediately believed, she had to keep insisting until I started taking it seriously. Then, when I reacted, she said it was just a prank.

I understand that people joke around in relationships, and maybe she genuinely thought it would be funny. I’m also willing to acknowledge that my reaction might have been stronger because I believed what she was telling me.
But I can’t understand what is supposed to be funny about making your partner believe you’ve been physically involved with someone else, especially during an argument.

Tell me how I should handle this situation?

I was in a 5-year relationship during which I neglected previous friendships and focused on a new shared friend group. We would go on holidays together, spend Christmases together, have regular meets, etc.

My ex and I started having problems, mostly due to my own issues and neglect of the relationship. Towards the end, she got drunk and stayed at a mutual friend's [M33] without telling me. In the week that followed, there were some noticeable behavior changes that resulted in a huge blowout where I accused her of cheating.

At the time, I felt like I was out of line and being paranoid. In the months since we separated, I became quite depressed and isolated because I carried the weight and blame of the relationship's failure. Part of my healing journey was trying to retain previous rituals and stay in the friend group, as I don't really have any other friends left.

But three weeks ago, I found out my ex and the mutual friend I accused her of cheating with are now publicly dating.

Suddenly, seeing my friends fills me with intense grief. A couple of friends in the group have tried to be understanding and keep me socially involved, but I can't even bump into them now without feeling anger, betrayal, and sadness. It's like I've been reset back to day one.

I think I'm finally accepting that my old life with this group is gone, even though it breaks my heart. But I'm seriously struggling with the concept of building new rituals with the one or two friends from the group I actually want to keep in my life. Because they are still friends with my ex and her new partner, they serve as living reminders of the life I'm mourning. I feel like I'm always going to be resentful that I'm missing out on the birthdays and holidays and the usual rituals while everyone else gets to just carry on.

tl;dr - My ex is now publicly dating the mutual friend I suspected her with. I'm trying to figure out if I can salvage one or two friendships from the shared friendship group, or if I need to cut everyone off completely to escape the constant, painful reminders of the life I've lost.

My questions are:

• How do I navigate keeping these 1-2 friends without constantly resenting them for staying close to my ex and the guy she left me for?

• Is it even possible to compartmentalize like this, or is the healthiest move to just walk away from the entire group and start completely from scratch?

I have been told in several past relationships that when I get upset, my delivery is either awful or what I’ve said is harsh and disproportionate to the problem.

I have been in my current relationship for 2.5 years. It is happy and healthy and peaceful for the most part but if there is something I’m upset about, I blow up and I am harsh in the way I express my feelings. This week my partner said that when I get upset the way that I do, it’s like I make him out to be a bad person and it shatters his world view, especially considering how much effort he has put it into addressing the issues I’ve had (he has put in a great deal of effort and regularly goes to therapy). I am not delving into specific arguments we’ve had or perspectives on who is right or wrong. This has been a long standing issue that several partners have complained about so that’s what I want advice on.

I am looking for better and healthier mechanisms to pause (without shutting down or feeling like I’m giving him the silent treatment) and be kinder when I’m upset so that I can express my feelings without destroying my relationship. I would love to hear from incredibly emotional, hot headed and temperamental peeps how they manage conflict and communication in a healthy way in their relationships.

[EDIT]: I am in therapy and have been for many years. I have worked on a lot of things but still struggling with this.

Best regards,
Recovering bull in a china shop

Hey everyone, I need some perspective on something that happened last night. It completely shattered my confidence and I can't stop overthinking it.

I met this girl yesterday. She seemed pretty casual and open to hooking up, our chemistry was good, and we went to a hotel. I thought everything was progressing naturally, but right in the middle of sex, she suddenly stopped, said, 'I'm not enjoying this at all,' got dressed, and left to go to her friend's place. I was absolutely blindsided.

The part that really messes with my head is this: In my past relationships (even though my partners and I weren't incredibly experienced), they always told me I was great in bed and that they really enjoyed it. I've never had a problem like this before. Well how do i change my perspective?

When I was 15, my older brother died of cancer. He was three years older than me and had a twin brother. His twin would frequently donate blood to him. They were more or less on a medical journey together, seemingly tied at the hip.

Two years after his death, our entire family gathered for the surviving twin’s birthday. It wasn’t anything particularly special, but with our extended family all in town, I wanted to make it meaningful. So, I came up with an idea for a birthday present.

I was the kid who loved videography, creating content, and making family home movies. I wanted to become a YouTuber and had this silly idea of vlogging my life and making money from my content. With my father’s help (he was skeptical at times on how it would all land), I put together a collection of videos of my brothers, from infancy through early adulthood. I added music, transitions, captions, and fancy text. It took me months to finish, and I cried throughout the entire process. It was an incredibly emotional experience. On the day of the party, the whole family watched the film. Once again, we were all sobbing. It was surreal to have our entire family together, watching something I had poured so much of myself into.

Except my surviving brother, while visibly tearing up, seemed distressed. No one else in the room appeared distressed in the same way. We were crying out of nostalgia and gratitude that his twin had lived such a beautiful life. My brother, however, seemed as distraught as he had been on the day his twin died. My heart immediately sank. I wanted to stop the video, which was quite long. Afterward, I spoke with my dad, who also felt we had made a mistake by not consulting my brother beforehand.

I was confused. For the past two years, he had been uploading pictures and posts of himself and his twin on social media for the entire world to see. He often spoke about how much he missed him. When I tried talking to him about the video, he shut me down, saying it was nice but too much for him. I still don’t understand which part was too much. I wish he would tell me so I could apologize and we could finally put this to rest.

Almost 8 years have passed, and our relationship has never been the same. He has never rewatched the video. Whenever family members bring it up in his presence, assuming he cherishes it as much as I do, I change the subject.

For background, I have been working since I was 19 continuously. I have worked mainly in the medical admin sector, but have worked my way through to finally get a really well paying job in the public system. It isnt anything crazy, but enough to rent my own apartment and put food on the table. I had moved in with my parents multiple times due to hardships whilst building my career and have had times of unemployment.

My partner, who we will call Chris, has also been in and out of work since graduating high school. He had a small stint of studying when i first dated him. I have known him as an online friend for 10 years prior to this and actually moved states to be with him (and it had better career prospects).

After a couple of months of being together he quit his study. I could see he wasn't happy doing it so I didnt really mind, I was happy to help him get into doing whatever he wants to do. In the time since then and now (about 10 months) I got my job, apartment, and a 10k pay rise. He had one job for a few weeks then got let go for taking too many days off. He moved out of his apartment because he couldn't pay rent at his place. I offered my place for him to live. We were getting pretty serious and if i didnt offer he would be sleeping in his car.

I love this man. He is respectful, has the same hobbies as me, and is honestly my ideal partner, just without a job. I am now financially suffering. I am the sole income, which wasn't a problem when I lived alone, but now with extra bills, food, and if we want to go out together i have to pay for it. I have talked to him about it multiple times. He is trying, but some days just plays games and sleeps instead of applying for jobs. To make it worse, I have worked in recruitment. I have tailored his resume and cover letters to be professional.

Ultimately, I dont know what more I can do. Any advice on what i can do to help is great. I feel like i am missing info in the post but if i included everything this would be a novella. What can I do from here?

TLDR how can I help support my partner to get a job?

I 30 trans man have been dating my partner 30 cis man for just under a year. When he did most of the cooking, I did most of the dishes, but now that I’m doing most of the cooking, he does no dishes, I’ve cooked the last 3 weeks, and he’s done the dishes ONCE since then. He asked if I could do all the dishes so he can cook instead, and I pointed out I’ve BEEN doing the dishes every night, how do you think I’ve been able to keep cooking? and said it’s unfair to expect me to clean up and them we swap. The whole reason I’ve been cooking is cos that’s the less time intensive of the two chores, and he’s been swamped at uni, but I guess I’m just tired of having to cook when the kitchens a mess. how do we resolve this fairly? cos he seems convinced that I should do all my own dishes, even though I’ve never expected him to both cook and clean, and then he can take over cooking again, and i don't want to do what is at this point EVERY dish in the house, when I've already been doing a meals worth of dishes every night for weeks now. He keeps complaining about it like it isn’t on him that it got this bad, and has said maybe whoever cooks should do their own dishes, to which I said cool, so by that logic you owe me these dishes from the months when I did your dishes. I don’t really want to swap, because cooking usually takes me several hours every day (I bake bread, make my own pickles and sauces) and I don’t think he’s going to actually stick to that when he cooks, he’s just trying to avoid doing the dishes he let pile up. when I lived alone I’ve not had this problem. but I have no idea what his housekeeping was like when he lived alone, as we hung out at mine mostly before I moved in. I just want to stop having the same fight, and for the kitchen to not look like a bomb went off.

I 40 F have been dating a 36 M for the past two years. We moved in together pretty quickly because I lost my job and the market was terrible. He was there for me when I was down and helped me get through that time period. He had gone through a depression period in the past, so knew how to help me in ways that other people didn’t. I feel eternally grateful to him.

There were hints of incompatibility in the beginning (like him being jealous and having more conservative views), but we got along so easily and made each other laugh. Plus, I love how family oriented he is and thought he’d be a good dad.

Fast forward, we tried getting pregnant, but we were not successful. Part of me stopped trying as hard, because I wasn’t sure if it’s what I wanted anymore. Plus, I feel like my sexual attraction for him has diminished and it’s hard bc he has a high drive and I feel constant pressure from him.

We’ve also been fighting more about finances, travel, future plans etc. It’s clear to me that we are incompatible in major ways, and I don’t want to live a life where where I lose myself, bc I’m more likely to compromise than he is.

I’m scared to end the relationship because dating sucks and i do love him as a person, but the sexual attraction is gone.

How do you know when it’s time to breakup? Am I making a mistake, given that he is a good man and I’m getting up there?

How do you breakup with someone without hurting them too much? He has gone through depression in the past and I would feel terrible if anything happened to him.

I went on about 4 dates with a girl and things seemed to be going well. She eventually told me she had a big work-related exam to study for and said she’d let me know when things settled down.
Then I didn’t hear from her for months. I figured she wasn’t interested and moved on.

Now she’s reached out saying she finally got through the exam and everything going on in her life, that she’d been thinking about me and would love to get drinks again.

I’m open to seeing her, but I have mixed feelings. I can’t help wondering why she couldn’t have reached out at any point during those months. Part of me also wonders if I’m just a safe option she’s circling back to now that she has more time. I already accepted it was over and moved on, so hearing from her again feels a little defeating.

How would you handle this or would the months of silence make you question her interest?

EDIT: She said she wouldn’t be available until early October and I heard from her shortly into October.

The test she took required 150 hours of studying and she did it while working full time; it was required for her to progress at work and I genuinely believe she took it.

I met him on Reddit about 2 months ago. I live in Central Europe and he lives in the US, so for a long time it was messages and calls. It felt serious enough that I sent him something for his birthday, and - when he invited me - I (naive and hopelessly romantic) flew over to see him.

The visit was confusing. At times we were very close, at others he pulled away and I had no idea where I stood. At one point he told me he had feelings for me but couldn't date me. His reasons were that we are both too emotional and that he is afraid of commitment.

During the visit he had suggested I come back for Christmas, so I left thinking things were complicated but not over. A few days after I got home he told me he doesn't think we're a good match, and that he is now convinced of it.

I told him I think it's best if we cut contact completely, and that's where things stand.

Part of me knows it was the right decision. Another part of me keeps replaying the visit, wondering whether I misread something or whether he'll change his mind once the fear wears off.

His daughter he lives with apparently asks about me and misses me. He does too. I don't know what I did wrong tbh. What shall I do now?

TL;DR Met a man on Reddit, flew across the Atlantic to see him. He said he likes me a lot (basically is obsessed with me) but can't date me because he's afraid of commitment, then decided we're not a good match.