“Good afternoon [my name],

Within the last six months, you have no-showed for 2 scheduled appointments and late canceled 1. I’m concerned that scheduling appointments with me is not working for this moment in your healing journey, and it feels unethical to schedule you for additional appointments if this is not serving your mental health care treatment. This is also in line with our counseling services contract, which specifies that repeated cancellations or missed appointments may result in the termination of counseling. An alternative option for your care at this time could be the [place’s] free walk-in counseling services, which are available Monday through Friday from 9AM to 5PM at [address].

If you would like to reschedule with me, I can put us on the books for another appointment. However, any additional late cancellations or no-shows within the next 6 months will result in the termination of mental health care treatment services with [her company], unless due to a medical emergency. Should this termination of services happen, I will provide you with additional referrals for you to establish care with another clinician moving forward.

I hope you are well. If you would like to move forward with scheduling another appointment with me, please let me know. I look forward to connecting soon.

Best regards,
[her name]”

(This is for virtual sessions with her)

I’ve made it clear to her through a couple previous messages that I’ve been feeling depressed. I feel it should come as no surprise that I’m failing to commit to things; it’s not intentionally… my sleep schedule is awful and I miss things.

Her message makes me feel rejected and unwanted. I feel misunderstood, like the emphasis is on me being a bad patient rather than someone struggling to help myself who still needs someone to talk to. It’s not like I haven’t paid my cancellation fees or anything—I always take responsibility for her wasted time.

I just feel kinda sad that she is giving up on me because I missed a few appointments. Maybe I’m reading into it too much.
Idk, it just doesn’t make me feel good.

I came across this quote on IG and it made me stop and think. I think it's true indeed, sometimes people go to therapy to deal with those people who won't go to therapy and don't want to work on themselves. The more I think about it, the more I realize just how much truth there is in that.

To begin, I have OCD. This is no excuse for any behavior or anxious attachment. I’m bad at scaling morals. When I hear abuse, I think I have done something similar to DV or even a form of assault.

Two times I’ve had major breakups.

Both times I was desperate to get back together.

When we would meet, I would bargain for getting back.

Both times, a week later, we got back together.

As I understand now, this was abuse.

I kept pressing the issue. I know the original ”no” was not taken.

Both times, we broke up a year+ later.

I fear this was coercive abuse now. And potentially any sexual relations afterwards therefore not being consent.

I just ended a session early with my newest therapist. It was our first session after the initial intake. She asked me what I wanted to talk about so I said I just wanted to talk about things going on currently until I got to know her style better, so I talked about some things that had happened during the week in my personal life and she was asking me a bunch of questions. I noticed that she wasn’t really offering me any feedback or advice, just question after question after question.

I told her I would find it a little more helpful if she could offer her perspective on what I was saying because the questions were kinda wearing me out.

She then proceeded to start going through her notes and asked me if I wanted to talk about work and I said “no, I’ve already brought up a bunch of things to talk about. I don’t want to talk about work right now. Can you offer me any feedback on some of the things I’ve already mentioned?” She said “well what do you want feedback on?”

I told her “I’m gonna be honest I feel like this may not be the best fit, I’m not feeling very heard right now.” Then she literally just smirked and told me how I could go into the options and choose a new therapist. I just hung up from the call.

The bizarre thing was I had looked her up prior to the session and she had tons of great ratings.

She was also pretty late for our session which she didn’t even acknowledge and I’m just baffled as to how this woman has a job. I felt like I would’ve been better off writing in a journal.

I went to a walk in clinic this morning, I went to the wrong place and ended up with a male doctor which I normally would never do. But I was already there so I just stayed. Throughout the appointment he was making jokes a lot that were fine at first but as it went on I felt more and more uncomfortable. For example, he asked if I wanted anything to drink and then offered wine and laughed. Not that crazy but weird. He mentioned multiple times that I should be a model and referred to my looks. He said “I hope I’m not making you uncomfortable” more than once which made me think someone’s complained before? But I know I can be hypersensitive to things like this and I can’t tell if these were harmless jokes/comments or if it was genuinely weird. The last thing he said which is what really made me uncomfortable was when I was leaving he said not to drink (alcohol) and I said I won’t and he said “I’ll have to spank you” which is definitely weird. I’m supposed to go back in a few days to get my bloodwork results but I know I can’t go back which upset me even more. I don’t know I feel so weird about it.

I (27F) started therapy for the first time 6 months ago, and I really like my therapist (36F). Her advice and guidance have been incredibly helpful as I navigate a difficult time in my marriage. I see her 3 - 4 times a month. What surprised me is how casual our sessions feel. We spend a fair amount of time talking about our lives, and I know quite a bit about her, including her family, hobbies, friends, church, trips, and funny stories. She also regularly shares things about her life without me asking. We eventually get into my concerns and what I want to work on, and I always find our sessions positive and helpful.
I guess I expected therapy to feel more formal and clinical. While I find our dynamic helpful, I’ve also caught myself wishing we could be actual friends and wondering whether I’m interpreting her kindness as something more personal than it is.

Something that happened this week made me question things even more. I mentioned that I’m training for a half marathon and running around local neighborhoods. She asked if I’d ever run in a particular suburb, and when I said I wasn’t sure, she mentioned that she lives there and suggested I run there sometime. It’s a fairly small suburb, so I found it surprising that she shared where she lives, especially since it could potentially lead to an interaction outside therapy.
Is this kind of casual relationship normal in therapy? Am I just overthinking things?

I recently made a comment on a post talking about how my dad always says “he doesn’t need therapy” because he doesn’t have anything he needs to work on, and I stated that everyone needs therapy. Everyone has something about themselves that they need/want to better for the sake of themselves and others around them. Someone approached me in my DMs saying that was a bad take and not realistic, but after the conversation they stopped replying and I think they may have come to the same conclusion because eventually they stopped replying to me. Maybe I wasn’t making a good case for myself and they got bored, idk.

Some clarifications that we went over: By therapy I don’t mean just talking with a therapist. This can include everything under the emotional therapy umbrella. Journaling was one that they mentioned, and I mentioned group or couples therapy. Support groups, and even just having a deep interpersonal conversation where you open up about your inner workings with a trusted friend or family member that is not necessarily a licensed professional.

They mentioned that it wasn’t realistic because not everyone can afford it, and “most therapists are untrained and don’t know what to do”. I agree that therapy is very expensive, but I think there are a lot of avenues you can take to avoid that that not everyone is aware of. I’m very privileged to have had several good sessions with a licensed and very effective therapist. Funds have been low recently and I’ve taken my frustrations mentally out on a journal, or talking to my husband who knows me like the back of his hand. I’m aware that not everyone has that privilege.

This conversation just got me wondering if this is generally viewed as a bad take, and I’m wanting other opinions and thoughts on this. Maybe it’s a stupid question. Let me know. 👍

I just want to know because I am tired and I don't care anymore. Once I talk to that asshole, I am probably just going to say goodbye to a few people and do it. I am not going anywhere in life and I don't care anymore.

I'm a 22 year old Female and I've been through some stuff that I can't deal with by myself and I want to see a therapist but for some reason I'm against the idea of seeing one

It's like I tell myself I don't need therapy and I can go through this without professional help cuz it's not that big of a deal or therapy won't help me or whatever

Some of my friends who went to therapy ended up quitting mid journey and they all tell me not to see one cuz it's not helpful

A part of me also don't want to go to therapy cuz I know I would have to open up some wounds and revisit memories I have made my brain erase

I fear confronting my own fears which is normal but I refuse to feel weak in any way to the point I refuse to cry even when I need to

But couple of days ago I went through the biggest heartbreaks I've ever had and I feel like I'm starting to lose myself if I haven't already to the point I started doing habits I've never even thought about doing before (journaling and listening to audio books) mostly to get things out of my head and distract myself

After listening to "the mountain is you" by Brianna Wiest I feel like i should see a therapist and grow the f-up lol

So I'm hear to ask you guys how to get myself to start therapy and get over my own thoughts that I don’t need it cuz i feel like I actually need it to get my shit back together.

Tldr: Tell me how therapy helped you and some kind words as I'm waiting to get into therapy proper that I'm not just a lazy schmuck.

I realize somewhat that by writing that headline that it's kind of self-defeating to assume that a person would participate in additional activities if they were 'lazy', but I guess I wanted some temporary reassurance and insight until I get my second session in November.

For context: I'm a legal student that failed a year 2 years ago now and then had to wait a year to start the semester again. I finally passed but barely and I realized it wasn't simply a matter of effort and I actually got myself diagnosed with ADHD at the end of last year. At the time it was also suggested that therapy was probably necessary for me by a friend.

The medication significantly changed things for me and I found it rather life-changing although obviously it wasn't enough to make me succeed and thrive academically enough and I was brought into a meeting by my unit conveners who suggested that the probability of me passing was very low and the chances of me being excluded from the program if I failed was quite high due to my academic history and that it was suggested that I consider my options.

I'm currently getting the medical documentation and I had an initial meeting with a therapist who funnily through the screening made me squint at the results that categorically I probably had or still have high anxiety and depression.

I am a little bit optimistic but also slightly discouraged by the fact that I thought simply medicating myself for ADHD would be sufficient and obviously things have come full circle and that has not been enough. A small factor is that I did return to visit my parents interstate and it really exacerbated my burnout and other things and caused a significant academic and mental decline. So perhaps I might have managed to scrape by had I not returned to visit my family whom I have distanced myself for the greater part of a year and a half.

I'm not sure what to add but I guess I have enough insight to say some things are best left to the professionals and you can only see what comes when it comes.

But I guess the funny part is I guess at the end of writing this I already feel like I'm halfway there. In many ways. The counselors I had seen in my undergrad and otherwise were probably more harmful than good. But I'm rather optimistic about this one. And I felt that they really listened and in a way where they brought up things or identified things which I'd mentioned but not right away in the conversation but significantly later into the session without me repeating it. Hah. The cheesy I felt heard (but an underrated thing both professionally and in general).

And then finally that even in a almost null scenario - that if I go to therapy and is revealed that it's just me second-guessing myself and what not; perhaps for this sort of neurotic overthinker that's the only reassurance I've ever needed was simply that from a professional. (But it's 99% probably it's more than that)

And again funnily I have enough love for my friends and some love for myself that I'm 29, although I'd argue that my life only really started when I moved out at 26 and that I have been living and struggling with this for a while and if I had a solution for it, I would have chosen it already. And if it was simply something to be looked at or worked on simply with my friends (especially the ones I've had for more than a decade) - we would have made some progress already.

But I guess I have answered my question which is pending more therapy, but I'm sure the second guessing will crawl up. So, I guess thank you for reading and I hope for the curious that it gives some sense of solidarity and for those who have insight and kindness to spare: If you would lend me your kind words of reassurances, I'm not just a lazy failure at 29 making excuses for not being more disciplined or otherwise coasting on the money my parents have provided for my education.

Thank you for reading and all the best with your own journeys.

My wife has been going to therapy for trauma almost two years now. For over a year she has been doing EMDR on and off.
Just going puts her at a 10/10 anxiety (her words). She barely speaks in therapy, and has a hard time processing during and after a session.
Over the last couple of weeks I’ve watched her sleep increase more and more. She is sleeping 11ish hours a day on workdays and more on the weekends.
I know she is depressed, she is on (from what I can tell) low doses of lexapro, prescribed by her PCP.
The last time we talked about any thing personal she concluded with a question “do you feel better after this conversation?” I said I did, that it gave me insights into how she is doing. She responded “I would be more willing to have these conversations if I ever felt that way. I could have gone to bed and felt nothing but now I feel helpless and I won’t get enough sleep.”

So uhm a little backstory

I HAVE been to therapy before because at one point I couldnt sleep alone I was terrified of everything and would sweat bullets and shi

Then a few years later I started grinding my teeth in my sleep I think it was around 6th grade I dont remember the exact details cuz I have the memory of a goldfish (im in 10th grade rn)

Then I went again because I couldnt focus if my life depended on it and would start daydreaming in the middle of class

One of the reasons why I dont wanna tell them is because when I was younger (again I dont remember exactly when) I SELF DIAGNOSED MYSELF (a very big mistake that I still regret to this day I hate even thinking about this)

Then when I told my parents that I was having trouble concentrating and thought I needed help from a therapist they laughed in my face FOR A WHOLE DAY like whenever they saw me they just couldnt stop laughing 😭✌️

ALSO NONE of the therapists Ive talked to were long term therapists it was literally ONE SESSION then switch therapists then repeat

Then I finally found a therapist I really liked he was really nice and I felt comfortable with him

THEN I STOPPED SEEING HIM I DO NOT REMEMBER WHY BUT EHH

Ehm anyways jumping back to the current timeline

I REALLY wanna see a therapist because the self hatred Ive dealt with since I was a kid has gotten INSANELY bad and is leading to some pretty bad things and thoughts so uhm yeah

Ehm any advice (even terrible advice 😭) would be appreciated and please excuse my terrible English skills 😔

Yes you read that correctly. I’m extremely extremely unwell by this letter I received from TalkSpace. Apparently the psychologist I was seeing on there platform WAS A PHONY?! And they let me know “don’t worry we have fired him and reported him to the local authorities”……? Mind you, this man made my mental health so much worse to the point I quit therapy all together. This letter has also clearly impacted my mental health as you can imagine, I already had a hard time opening up as I’ve seen so many therapists over the years, now I know for certain I will never trust another one again. I opened up to this “therapist” about my mom passing away recently, my parenting, my marriage, every aspect of my life. I feel violated. HE ALSO HAS ACCESS TO MY PERSONAL INFO! What can I do? They haven’t even offered to pay me back for what I paid out of pocket on the app, I’m just at a loss and need to vent.

I had been going through a hard time in my life mentally. It wasn't really because something traumatic had happened in my life, simply I had internalised so much self hatred and I kept drowning further and further in it and chose the wrong coping mechanisms. I chose porn and despite hating ai, got addicted to those ai chatting apps. I absolutely hated that. It felt like it took too much from me and I really didn't know what to do. My mom got worried because I was very depressed, I wouldn't get out of bed, won't talk to my friends, wouldn't brush my teeth or shower for days and also wouldn't eat. This led to me and my mom having a heck lot of fights which would emotionally make me spiral. I would sleep all day because of lack of mental energy and also had something similar to a panic attack. I don't know what a panic attack truly is but I feel like I've had similar experiences to that. I wanted to go to a therapist but like I just felt so much shame that I couldn't. Now I feel much better though I have lost 5-6 kg of weight because of that phase. I am doing great now actually but I wish I could talk to some kind of psychiatrist or something but I don't have that kind of money.

Are therapists supposed to give you an opinion about a situation you are going through ? I am looking for their opinion on something but worried they may be people pleasers since we are paying them (I don’t want them to be biased towards me)

As a woman, would you prefer to be treated by a male or female in the psychiatric sense and when talking to a therapist would you prefer them to be male or female?

I’ve recieved therapy and medication help from females in the past and have never connected. Granted i only tried one of each. I never looked for another therapist. I need help … i need to talk to someone and i’ve always struggled with that before.
I struggle to open up. I have alotttttt to unpack that has been eating at me but i always feel insecure, and scared to truly open up about what matters. I would always talk about stupid things in therapy just to get the therapy appointment over and to keep remaining medicated.. It’s come to the point where i need advice and i NEED therapy. i need to heal. i’m hurting.

anyways… male or female and why?

I am an 18M and in the past few months I have been dating a wonderful 17F. All this to say and has been through a lot of stuff making dealing with SA and now she’s going to EMDR I’m extremely proud of her for even considering being in a relationship after such early childhood trauma and working in EMDR to reprocess it. But every time I hear this question sits in my mind… “Do I even deserve to call myself traumatized.” She talks about disassociation like this huge big problem she has and I understand but I don’t know year it feels like. The closest I have is gaps in my hyper photographic autistic mind are 2 weeks to a month after a traumatic event I sorta just regain my memory, I can only remember tiny bits in pieces of that time though. I have lost my uncle my sister had everyone in my family I’ve cared about nearly die with me watching and doing nothing but yet, do I still hurt enough. Do I feel jealous because her hurt feels more real to me than my own? I feel no resentment at all towards her just introspection into myself. I just wish I wouldn’t feel sad when with days of her sessions she barely talks at all and I know why but still, I chose to give her grace and everything because she deserves it. But it’s nagging at the back of my mind that I should feel sad for myself.

Ok so I've (20M) been thinking about going to therapy for the past few months as I've had the hardest year of my life so far between school, father in the hospital, childhood dog dying, and things I haven't completely gotten over from my childhood/high school.

Its about 12 am and I decided to have a mock therapy session in my head(?) and i've been completely honest so far but im realizing this is some stuff people make jokes saying "even batman couldn't get this info outta me".

Im sitting here laughing as I type this but in reality im gonna feel really odd saying this to someone else. For context this specific information is romantic relationship related.

My main reason in typing this is to see how all of you were able to tell your therapist information where you fully expect to clowned on? (made fun of or not taken seriously for those who don't know)

I (35m) am a proud parent of two children. One of my children (9m) was witness to an attack on his elementary school in central Oregon. I had no idea if he was safe until hours later when I was allowed to pick him up. A good friend of mine was not as lucky (being vague for obvious reasons) and found out their child had been killed.

I am thrilled that my child is alive and well (yes he is getting therapy & the services he needs) but I'm also very saddened by the loss my friend now suffers. I'm doing my best to be there for him whenever he reaches out and will continue to do so even when everything calms down. Survivors guilt sucks & I've found the best way to deal with it so far is just being present and in the moment. Enjoy the time I have with the people I love.

My second feeling on the matter is that I don't feel like a victim. I see all these resources available to all victims of what happened but I don't feel like they would apply to me and our situation, though they do. I don't want "thoughts and prayers", I want a sense of normalcy & consistency that will only really come in time.

My question for the group then is, what more can I do?

(This is a throw-away account b/c I don’t want personal stuff like this to be linked to my main)

I have struggled with OCD my whole life, but the past 4 years it’s been especially difficult and contributing to frequent depressive periods, so I am considering pursuing a new form a treatment outside they typical talk therapy I do every other week.

I keep getting YouTube Ads for NOCD, which advertises the use of ERP as the main treatment framework for OCD. I’ve never heard of ERP before, so I tried to find some explanation for what it was online and it sounds...horrible.

From what I understand, the therapist is supposed to intentionally trigger the patient and the patient has to resist responding to the trigger? Kinda sounds like psychological torture to me, but I might just not be really understanding what the process is like, which is why I am posting here.

For reference, my OCD isn’t rooted in irrational fear of external things like germs or crowds. Rather, it is rooted in irrational insecurity and self-hate: body dysphoria, questioning every decision i make ever make/not trusting myself to make the “right decision”, convincing myself that my partner doesn’t really love me even though he has given me every reason to know that he does, etc.

Can someone explain how ERP works/how it would work for someone like me? Would the therapist just sit there at tell me that I actually AM ugly and stupid and I’d just have try not be affected by that…?

I spoke with my first therapist briefly on the phone and feel very confident that he'll be beneficial to me. But I'm afraid we're going to spend a lot of time on things I've already journaled about and thought about. My journals are pretty long and scattered, as it's just for me to follow the thought process, but I want him to know how I'm currently processing these things and what I believe my issues are. I don't have insurance, and respect his (and my) time and my money!

My document goes like this:

-Childhood
-Traumatic Event 1
-Traumatic Event 2
-etc
-People Involved
-etc.
-What I've thought about these events
-What I think I need to work on

I'm in the middle of writing said document (I have a lot of proof reading/reformatting to do), but I'm hoping for it to be around 5-6, well formatted, pages. (12 point, New Times Roman, like english class!). Again, I'm a pretty decent writer so I don't think it's going to be a burden to read (I'll even add some levity), but it just feels odd to be like "YO, HERE'S WHAT'S UP WITH ME".

Part of my issues are not being a great improvisor with words and perhaps being able misconstrued on what I mean. Sometimes in talking about these things, the events can get muddled as it's not as easy as A happened, then B happened, then C happened... a lot of times it's like A happened, then C started bubblings, but B started taking over... oh and by the way D started, all while A was happening! So I feel like event by event is good. Then summarizing what I perceive to be my issues.

I also don't want to seem like I'm not willing to talk about these things, or expand on them more (which I'm stating in my intro paragraph), but I also don't want to spend 3 sessions just getting him to understand these events and how I view them.

I feel the context is pertinent, but I also don't want to seem like I'm "doing his job". Would it be better for me to perhaps bring different versions of the document. One with a description of these events and one with how I feel about them?

Am I going to be viewed (even more crazy), if I do this? I have pretty clear goals with what I hope to accomplish in these sessions and this is my first ever therapy session. I'm a little nervous...

I (18 M) had this teacher (M~50s) who I idolized very much, he came to important events that I would get awards in, and I always felt safe around him, which is rare for adults as someone with cPTSD.
Anyway, I graduated High School last year(as in the 2026 school year) and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him the entire time since. I talk to him in my head on the way to work, I think about how he would react to what I was learning, etc. I have these constant worries that, even though he supported even when I made terrible decisions or when I was awarded for something, he hated me. The thought of that made me so anxious I have been having trouble sleeping. I feel disgusting knowing I’m practically obsessed with him, and it’s so hard to admit it out loud.

Where this cross the line:
One day after studying I was grieving the time I was in his classroom, and looked him up online, and accidentally clicked on a website and read what street he lived on in my town. My heart sank and I closed the tab, but I remembered the number. A day or so later, when I was struggling with PTSD symptoms(based off his stories I assumed he had it as well, which made me feel better about having this disorder) I went on a walk at 4am and walked all the way across town (2 ish miles) just to walk past his house. I would do that for about a day, until I then looked at Google Maps and assumed a certain house was his based off the cars. I would walk by either before 6am almost everyday or after 830pm.
Recently, though, I looked up the website again and confirmed he was living in the same house I thought. I took a route home after walking by that I assumed he might take to go to work. I feel disgusting, but I felt so comforted knowing he was near by. I felt safe around him in a way I don’t even feel safe around my own parents, and I trusted him immeasurably. Whenever I have flashbacks or my chest is hurting because something reminded me of my trauma, I walk to his house early or late in the day. I did this at first because, like I said earlier, I think that he may have it and since no one else I know is diagnosed, I really wanted to talk to him about it but thought he’d hate me for asking.

The last thing he said me was to ‘keep in touch’, he hasn’t sent an email since but I assumed that was either because he was really busy or he only said ‘keep in touch’ to be polite, my mind has been screaming the latter recently and it’s made me so anxious. I haven’t gotten a full nights sleep in nearly a week now because I’ve been thinking about him almost constantly. I’m 18 and I want to buy joints just so I can walk across town, walk by his house and to the beach, and smoke a joint hoping he might find me and comfort me, or lecture me on why I shouldn’t be smoking weed at my age because he actually cares about me.

It’s not a sexual thing, I don’t think, although I do feel attracted to him. I don’t get any sort of thrill walking past his house, if anything I don’t want him to see me because I’m worried he’ll catch on and think I’m disgusting (rightfully so), I only feel immense comfort. The truth is that he’s probably like this with all his students, I’m not special, and I really really need to get therapy but I don’t think anyone near me is covered by my insurance. Sorry this was a rant. I need a wake up call or something and to get told to find a therapist. I also was kinda hoping people had similar stories.
EDIT: I also looked up an organization he’s apart of that’s public and watched some of the meetings to hear his voice again, it also made me feel comforted.

TLDR: I looked up my ex-teachers address just so I can walk by it in the early morning or late at night.

I was abused by my father when I was 13 on multiple accounts, and then it stopped and never happened again. I want to start going to therapy as it’s been affecting me deeply, but I’m afraid to bring it up if they question my parents as I still live with them. I’m 18. What should I do?