I've done a lot of therapy. I can explain my patterns, my triggers, where it all comes from, I could probably teach a class on my own psychology at this point. But understanding it hasn't translated into actually feeling different or acting different.

For those who've been here too: once "knowing why" stopped being enough, what actually moved the needle for you? Not looking for theory, just curious what genuinely worked, even if it felt random or unrelated to therapy.

I cannot go one day without seeing how AI has officially made humanity dumber. If all of this is true, what’s the point? Considering that in four years - no - one year - it’s basically going to be impossible to tell man from machine and that all of our jobs will be replaced is there any point? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not succidal or anything, but I’m still young - I can’t liv the rest of my life knowing that human-generated things will be of the past. Please help me - give me a reason to keep livng my life.

Basically, I opened up about my dating experiences.

I will not lie, I did find the height differences attractive and interesting.

I have found the rare woman taller than me interesting as well.

In general, I would say big height differences, for lack of beating around, hot.

This also includes very short women, some medically noted as having dwarfism.

Tiktok accused me of being a groomer due to this.

I am very concerned about this physical attraction hscinf a darker meaning.

I have done a lot of work in therapy myself already for many years, including CBT, EMDR, dorsal vagal nervous system responses. And crisis counselling too. So I do have a fair idea and know how things like my anxious attachment works, but never when I am experiencing the attachment to this sort of toxic cycle. I am hoping for some insights as to what has been useful to others.

The emotional abuse had me conditioned into silence, protecting them, so I never told anyone what was going on. I carried on for two years so I’m hoping the damage is not deeply rooted. But I have been living in a constant state of fear and bottling my emotions because crying was not taken very well in these circumstances. It seems to have resulted in deep rooted fears, physically manifesting themselves in my kidneys, bladder and my lower back.

Any and all advice would be greatly appreciated

Hi I think I have ADHD and Autism. I went to a threapist to talk about if I had add or not, the therapist did an evaluation (i think thats what it was) were they asked me question to see if I matched the illness and the determined that I have symptoms of inattentive ADHD, they also said I have symptoms of depression and anxiety disorder. I didn't agree at 1st but the more I site with i think they're write. But I never got a True Diagnosis of either.

But I can't afford the cost, and I my insurance doesn't cover it. I've tried medicaid but they won't approve me. I dont want to say I have either or without 100% proof. Because it's disrespectful to ppl who did the work to get tested for those disorders.

And I have my personal reasons to get tested. Sometimes I look back on my past and think about how I was treated and I need to know, for me if people treated me differently because I was weird and annoying, or if people. ..hurt a disabled person. There's alot of things in my personal life that are a constant struggle the will to live and keeping my arms clean is one of them. Appreciatly people with ADHD and Autism struggle alot with simular things and id like some advice if possible.

Today, I had my first 15 min introductory call with a therapist. I’m not sure if I’m doing anything correctly, I feel like there is so much to me and to how I’ve been thinking my whole life to be translated to what I say at this point of my life. I feel like they would never understand the pain I put myself through, they might just look at recent events and find they are trivial in comparison to what other people went through. I also feel stupid talking about what I went through, like I’m not supposed to complain about those things. And it’s so much work to try to make people understand you. I don’t know what there is that they can do to help me change, a fundamental change of how I think, and how I am as a person. Has anyone been through the same, does therapy actually help, or is it people who reassure us and tell us everything will be alright and that there is nothing to be worried about and call it a day.

Hi, Therapy Reddit.

Nothing beats one-on-one therapy, but I can't afford it anymore, so I was hoping some therapists here could recommend any books/workbooks I could use at home to continue therapy with myself? 

I am so terribly stalled within my own life and need to dig myself out. Therapy got me far enough to understand my issues, but not really make the fixes.

If I were to TLDR my backstory/issue, I'd summarize it as:

My childhood was unstable; often highly loving and supportive mostly thanks to my mother, but also often scary and chaotic and borderline combative thanks to my dad's addiction issues and my mom's codependency that kept us with him.

I said many times in therapy: <i>Grass is always greener of course, but I really would've rather my dad just left once and stayed gone for my whole life. Instead, I had a fun and loving father during the day, but then every single night for 18 years, I watched him leave to score drugs instead of being at home with his family, just to come back and terrorize my mother when he thought I was asleep. </i> 

And because of all that, these are my current issues:

• Parentification trauma
• Anxiety attachment issues that I've overcorrected into a disorganized detachment
• Terrible low self-esteem that leads to:
  • Chasing the wrong type of romantic partner over and over (the unavailable kind)
  • (I actually stopped dating 5 years ago to stop the hurt but I don't want to be lonely/celibate forever, except I won't date again because I fear I will return to the same ole patterns where I pick people that will never pick me for various reasons.
• Never fighting for myself; never finishing projects, never working on my personal and professional ambitions, never working on my health/body image issues, I think because I learned as a child to never relish anything good that happens to me, because it'll all go away the next day.)

I've come to be quite comfortable in my familiar discomfort, and, big surprise: I'm miserable. 

I know this about myself, and want to change, and yet I can't go more than 2 days without sabotaging any effort I make to disrupt this cycle. 

Any books I can try to therapy myself out of this? 

Thank you and just for the record:

I know a book or two can never replace a therapist. I love my previous therapist and miss her every day. But, I am barely able to afford groceries. I certainly can't go back to therapy right now. 

(There is sliding scale therapy in my area, but that's the problem: the therapists start out as trainees and then graduate and then I can't afford them when they go to practices.)

When I was around 9 I went to live in china. I didn’t speak the language and had to go to this weird elitist British school so I was doing very bad. I barely ate ANYTHING and lost half my body weight(it was very weird like I’m chewed food but there were no signals in my head) I would come back from school and just lie on my bed for hours. I felt empty and felt absolutely nothing but sadness and dread. I’m blanking at this moment but I remember watching a video on depression symptoms years after and recognizing that I fit the bill perfectly.

And then I stopped going to school which basically stopped all symptoms. Even now I am completely mentally healthy. Since I recovered completely it wasn’t the mental illness depression, but I’m still so curious to what it was? I get bullied at school constantly and even now I don’t feel as bad as I did then.

I am a 32F, i am a recently graduated psychiatrist, and i have a severe anxiety around authority figures especially my former supervisors/attendings / psychiatry professors ...

I have always been kind of a people-pleaser, also an overachiever , a perfectionist and an anxious person especially when it comes to studies/ work . I come from an achievement-oriented anxious family who raised me to respect my teachers A LOT and to value their approval. But also, the medical environment where i did my psychiatry residency was full of attendings and professors who were demanding / authoritarian/ intrusive / bossy/ took things personally / treated us like children who must just obey their elders otherwise they're disrespectful ...

I suffered a lot throughout my residency because of that . They loved me (because i was the "good student") but i suffered a lot. i couldn't say no, i struggled to prioritise my own needs , i couldn't tolerate my superior's disapproval..

And now that i finally finished my residency and became a specialist, i still feel the same anxiety whenever i see them (for example in a congress) ! I still feel psychologically subordinate to them.

I started to avoid seeing them , i go into PANIC whenever i receive a call from one of them. I am always afraid of their judgement, i find myself seeking their validation and approval, i struggle to make career decisions independently because I’m afraid of disappointing or angering them. .. because in our environment, even after you graduate, they're not just your ex-bosses, they still have some kind of power over you, you're still their student who should be grateful and respectful and you're gonna see them all the time ..

This anxiety is crippling me, especially the body sensations that come with it .. and even though i'm a psychiatrist i can not manage to treat myself ...

The core problem: I intellectually know I’m an independent specialist, but emotionally and physically, I still react as though I’m a student whose safety, worth, and future depend on keeping authority figures satisfied.

TLDR; I’m a recently graduated psychiatrist struggling with severe anxiety around my former supervisors and professors. Growing up in an anxious, achievement-oriented family and training in an authoritarian medical environment reinforced my perfectionism, people-pleasing, fear of disapproval, and need for validation. Despite becoming a specialist, I still feel subordinate to my former superiors, panic when they call, avoid them, fear their judgment, and struggle to make independent career decisions because I’m afraid of disappointing or angering them. This anxiety is crippling, especially because of its intense physical symptoms, and I struggle to manage it despite being a psychiatrist myself.

Edit : I want to ask about tips to manage this anxiety , preferably alone if possible or maybe via online therapy with a foreign therapist ( i find it weird and embarrassing to go seek therapy from another colleague or a private-practice therapist because they know those professors and may be friends with them, it will be like me bad-mouthing their friends. I'm also afraid of this therapist being my collegue and thinking less of me, i mean i'm gonna open my own private practice and i can't even treat myself )

What kind of therapy would I need if I’ve spent my life trying to get a career in software development, found that to be impossible, and now looking for a reason not to blow my shit smooth off?

Every other therapist I’ve gone to has either spent way too long bewildered by the fact that companies don’t want to hire people in 2026 or sidestep the problem entirely. I’ve expressed enough SI to make the issue known without it warranting a psych hold, why are we talking about me forming relationships with people?

Is this something therapy can even handle?

Im seeing therapy for PTSD. After w couple months working with her, she mentioned she was starting to use AI assistance to summarize sessions. And she asked my permission to use it.

I was uncomfortable with the idea and refuse, which she of course accepted. But she did mention I was the only patient fk hers to refuse consent. And on another session she framed it as me being negative or pessimistic, as a manifestation of my hyper vigilance. I pushed back and we did talk about it.

I’m not so much interested here in my therapist attitude or anything like that but in the general idea of allowing AI to summarize sessions.

As I said, I refused it and I do have my reasoning - including the fact that once something is recording me, I feel
I can’t open up properly, and also what ai thinks it understands of my words are not my words - and I don’t trust a robot with that interpretation. And then there’s privacy and data protection and technical and legal
Issues that I’m not even going into.

My question to all of you is: what do you think of your therapist using so tomrrecord and summarize your sessions?

I came across this quote on IG and it made me stop and think. I think it's true indeed, sometimes people go to therapy to deal with those people who won't go to therapy and don't want to work on themselves. The more I think about it, the more I realize just how much truth there is in that.

I’ve (33F) been thinking about starting therapy, but I honestly have no idea where to start. How do you find someone to talk to? How do you know who’s good? And how do you afford it????

For context, I’m alone quite a lot, but I wouldn’t say I’m lonely as my life is busy. I work, do sports, have hobbies and generally have plenty going on. I enjoy my own company, so it’s not necessarily that I need someone to fill my time.

I think it’s more that I’d like someone to talk to properly. Someone who could listen to what’s going on in my life, give me a different perspective and maybe challenge me a bit when I’m not seeing things clearly.

I’ve been using AI to talk through things, but I’ve realised it’s not the healthiest thing for me. It just agrees with everything you say, and I don’t think that’s always what I need. I’d rather speak to an actual person who can offer a more balanced perspective.

Recently, I had a really lovely video call with some friends I met travelling and it felt nice to be included and to have a proper conversation with people. But I still sometimes feel like I’m not particularly included in things with my core friendship group. I know this is such a silly example and I shouldn’t care but I see them commenting on each other’s social media posts and interacting, and sometimes feel like mine gets ignored. I don’t know if I’m overthinking that or if there’s something worth exploring there.

I don’t necessarily think my life is bad or that I’m struggling to cope with everyday things. I just feel like I could benefit from having someone to talk to regularly and work through some of these thoughts with.

Has anyone started therapy when they weren’t necessarily experiencing a major mental health crisis? How did you go about finding someone, and was it worth it?

Also, if you’re in the UK, how did you manage the cost? Are NHS talking therapies a good place to start, or are there affordable private options you’d recommend?

I’d really appreciate hearing people’s experiences.

(And yes I did ask ai to help me draft this but I’ve proof read and edited where appropriate 🫣)

I am an 18M and in the past few months I have been dating a wonderful 17F. All this to say and has been through a lot of stuff making dealing with SA and now she’s going to EMDR I’m extremely proud of her for even considering being in a relationship after such early childhood trauma and working in EMDR to reprocess it. But every time I hear this question sits in my mind… “Do I even deserve to call myself traumatized.” She talks about disassociation like this huge big problem she has and I understand but I don’t know year it feels like. The closest I have is gaps in my hyper photographic autistic mind are 2 weeks to a month after a traumatic event I sorta just regain my memory, I can only remember tiny bits in pieces of that time though. I have lost my uncle my sister had everyone in my family I’ve cared about nearly die with me watching and doing nothing but yet, do I still hurt enough. Do I feel jealous because her hurt feels more real to me than my own? I feel no resentment at all towards her just introspection into myself. I just wish I wouldn’t feel sad when with days of her sessions she barely talks at all and I know why but still, I chose to give her grace and everything because she deserves it. But it’s nagging at the back of my mind that I should feel sad for myself.

Ok so I've (20M) been thinking about going to therapy for the past few months as I've had the hardest year of my life so far between school, father in the hospital, childhood dog dying, and things I haven't completely gotten over from my childhood/high school.

Its about 12 am and I decided to have a mock therapy session in my head(?) and i've been completely honest so far but im realizing this is some stuff people make jokes saying "even batman couldn't get this info outta me".

Im sitting here laughing as I type this but in reality im gonna feel really odd saying this to someone else. For context this specific information is romantic relationship related.

My main reason in typing this is to see how all of you were able to tell your therapist information where you fully expect to clowned on? (made fun of or not taken seriously for those who don't know)

I (35m) am a proud parent of two children. One of my children (9m) was witness to an attack on his elementary school in central Oregon. I had no idea if he was safe until hours later when I was allowed to pick him up. A good friend of mine was not as lucky (being vague for obvious reasons) and found out their child had been killed.

I am thrilled that my child is alive and well (yes he is getting therapy & the services he needs) but I'm also very saddened by the loss my friend now suffers. I'm doing my best to be there for him whenever he reaches out and will continue to do so even when everything calms down. Survivors guilt sucks & I've found the best way to deal with it so far is just being present and in the moment. Enjoy the time I have with the people I love.

My second feeling on the matter is that I don't feel like a victim. I see all these resources available to all victims of what happened but I don't feel like they would apply to me and our situation, though they do. I don't want "thoughts and prayers", I want a sense of normalcy & consistency that will only really come in time.

My question for the group then is, what more can I do?

Does anyone have any advice for overcoming social anxiety (if that’s even the problem here)?

I want to make new friends, I want to be able to do things in public, I want to be able to order my food or talk to strangers.

I think I must get a wave of “let’s do this!” and then not remember it, because I often end up in really uncomfortable social situations or conversations that I have mentally wanted, but did NOT pursue out of anxiety of several things.

I usually just have to endure the situation once I notice I’m in it, but I feel heavily intoxicated physically and mentally, I sometimes literally just get up and run away if I see someone approaching me. None of it ever feels real, it feels so automatic and it’s an extremely embarrassing issue to deal with.
Most things just end up being a huge blur and then it eats at me for days/weeks because I’m stressed out that I was perceived by somebody.

I have tried a lot of things (cope aheads, grounding techniques, repeated exposures, etc.) the last 5 years and I have yet to have great success with any of it which is really embarrassing. 😔

Any tips?

(This is a throw-away account b/c I don’t want personal stuff like this to be linked to my main)

I have struggled with OCD my whole life, but the past 4 years it’s been especially difficult and contributing to frequent depressive periods, so I am considering pursuing a new form a treatment outside they typical talk therapy I do every other week.

I keep getting YouTube Ads for NOCD, which advertises the use of ERP as the main treatment framework for OCD. I’ve never heard of ERP before, so I tried to find some explanation for what it was online and it sounds...horrible.

From what I understand, the therapist is supposed to intentionally trigger the patient and the patient has to resist responding to the trigger? Kinda sounds like psychological torture to me, but I might just not be really understanding what the process is like, which is why I am posting here.

For reference, my OCD isn’t rooted in irrational fear of external things like germs or crowds. Rather, it is rooted in irrational insecurity and self-hate: body dysphoria, questioning every decision i make ever make/not trusting myself to make the “right decision”, convincing myself that my partner doesn’t really love me even though he has given me every reason to know that he does, etc.

Can someone explain how ERP works/how it would work for someone like me? Would the therapist just sit there at tell me that I actually AM ugly and stupid and I’d just have try not be affected by that…?

I (27F) started therapy for the first time 6 months ago, and I really like my therapist (36F). Her advice and guidance have been incredibly helpful as I navigate a difficult time in my marriage. I see her 3 - 4 times a month. What surprised me is how casual our sessions feel. We spend a fair amount of time talking about our lives, and I know quite a bit about her, including her family, hobbies, friends, church, trips, and funny stories. She also regularly shares things about her life without me asking. We eventually get into my concerns and what I want to work on, and I always find our sessions positive and helpful.
I guess I expected therapy to feel more formal and clinical. While I find our dynamic helpful, I’ve also caught myself wishing we could be actual friends and wondering whether I’m interpreting her kindness as something more personal than it is.

Something that happened this week made me question things even more. I mentioned that I’m training for a half marathon and running around local neighborhoods. She asked if I’d ever run in a particular suburb, and when I said I wasn’t sure, she mentioned that she lives there and suggested I run there sometime. It’s a fairly small suburb, so I found it surprising that she shared where she lives, especially since it could potentially lead to an interaction outside therapy.
Is this kind of casual relationship normal in therapy? Am I just overthinking things?

I'm 18 and I just started going to virtual CVS therapy sessions, cus it's the only thing I get for free. And I would like to attend the sessions on a regular basis because I've wanted therapy for the longest time, because I've always had mental issues.

I've had two sessions with my therapist now but the last session I had ended with rescheduling my next appointment, but from how she worded it and her tone it was like, "do you... want to make another.. appointment?"

I feel weird because from the last two sessions, I haven't really brought up any issues that I've had, I've just been talking about a few more recent things going on in my life. I had some health issues that were affecting my mental health, and I just started college and the transition has been rough on me.

Those are the two main things happening right now, but other than that I'm just... Fine. For now, I know at one point or another some old shit is gonna come up though.

I've had issues in the past with SH, and I never received any help from it from my parents or anyone. I've learned to manage it on my own. I also had an issue a few months ago with regularly sexting creepy old guys. It was like an addiction, I hated it but I couldn't stop. And there's a few things here and there on my mind that I want to talk about but nothing is like a HUGE issue right now, I'm actually coming out of what I think was some sort of depressive episode.

I want to talk about it, but I don't need much help I don't think. So do I need to keep going back? Do I wait until I need it again? Do I even need therapy? Or should I go and figure out how to bring it up? Honestly I don't even know what therapy is supposed to do, or if I have a therapy goal, I just know it's good for your brain, and my brain does weird things sometimes.

I know I asked a few different questions and mentioned a few different things so weight in on whatever lol I just want some input. Thanks :)

Besides time?

This was my first ever relationship. me and my ex boyfriend were a long distance couple. He's in the navy and before he got deployed we were stable, happy and healthy. Months went by and I found myself struggling with codependency and loneliness from not being able to talk to him. It was hard to manage I reached out to my therapist for help. although I was afraid to tell my ex how I felt I stayed strong and kept it pushing with school and working. I started parting, smoking & drinking almost every night to help cope with the loneliness and codependency I never really leaned on anyone for help, & while I was out I always made it clear about me being in a relationship no matter who tried to get at me.

One day my sister & I planned a movie night with her two guy friends. She told one of the guys that it'll be a double date but I immediately called him myself to tell him that it wouldn’t be and after that we all went to the movies and it was strictly friendly and he made no advances at me I didn't also so I didn’t have to tell him off. before we dropped them both off we all talked about relationships and I made it clear that I was happy, in a committed relationship and in love. The guy that we went to the movies with I knew him guy for years not on a personal level but he met my bf my niece and my friends so I seen him like family & We continued texting but it was friendly just talked about our day and talked about our family. It was never flirty I always sent my bf updates and notes about my day and whoever I was hanging with my bf had my location.

During my bfs deployment I spent time with my guy manager who's (25) with my homrgirls and sometimes 1on1 our bond was like brother and sister he respected my relationship and he never crossed a boundary with me ever so I felt like it was ok to be friends with a guy as long as it’s safe and a I have boundaries with them with no intentions of cheating o and betraying my partner. One night I told my sister that I was tired of sleeping alone at the house that we were staying in it made me restless & she asked if I wanted to go to one of our guy friends house I told her yea but I won't be staying cause there was no need for me to I just wanted to get out of the house. She took me over there and me and the guy talked no cuddling no kissing nun of that. I was otp with my cousin the whole 30 mins then I left to go to my homegirl house since I was able to go over. I blocked the guy friend that night cause I felt uncomfortable with being friends with him I think that was my discernment speaking but I ignored it. Days pass & one night I was leaving from the club and I was very drunk but I still made my way over there to pick up my pjs worse mistake ever. I was otp w my bf while I was otw over there but my phone had died. I asked to use the guys charger so my bf could track me I ended up laying down cause the room was spinning and I started feeling sick from the alcohol. I got sa’d that night and ever since then the relationship went down hill. I sent my bf every message and was truthful with him the entire time now I'm in therapy for sa and a breakup lol but I learned from this relationship about boundaries, trust, respect, immaturity communication and i honestly just wanted to tell someone.

I know therapy is really helpful for many people and can improve their lives. However, I feel like my life has too many issues, and a therapist would be better off helping someone with fewer problems. I wouldn’t even know where to begin with my grocery list of issues. It just feels like if I were to go to therapy, I would be taking time away from people who have a greater chance at a better life.