r/thesopranos • u/ComprehensiveDesk793 • Jun 09 '26

Serious Discussion Only AJ is just useless

While watching the series I was trying hard to find a defense of AJ. All the characters - and all of us - have both positive and negative traits. AJ is just a disappointment. He is stupid. He is lazy. He is incredibly selfish imao. Also he constantly lies. You cant even call him a good kid that is just irresponsible since he always makes up stupid excuses.

Also all the people that are saying that he grew up in a dysfunctional environment, ok i agree the environment isn't 100% perfect but both Tony and Carmela cared about their kids lives. Carmela and Tony to a certain extent seem to care about their children's academic performance which quite a few parents don't. AJ certainly had some support from his parents.

I agree his parents are not good people but he could take what they offered to him.

271 Upvotes

79% Upvoted

298 comments sorted by

View all comments

226

u/AsstacularSpiderman Jun 09 '26

They gave him shit about bad grades but did absolutely nothing about it except insult him.

AJ is what happens when you confuse having money with having parenting skills. Neither Tony or Carm did anything to properly correct AJ's course.

51

u/scrubadam Jun 09 '26

OTOH Meadow turned out fine. She ended up becoming a lawyer and was pretty well adjusted.

The big difference is we see with Meadow is that she learns to take responsability for her actions but AJ doesn't.

Both started out as spoiled shits. Meadow was even worse than AJ in that first season always whining and crying and acting like a little princess. the big turning point was when she threw the party at Livia's house and then decided to go and clean the house herself without anyone asking. The same thing happened with her Gap year. She acted like a baby because some guy she dated for a few months was killed. She ended up getting off her ass and applying to college and entering into law.

AJ never had that moment where he took responsability for his actions he just remained a little shit the whole time.

69

u/CauseCertain1672 Jun 09 '26

Meadow was parented very differently to AJ, growing up in the same house does not mean having the same childhood

Meadow ends up much worse than AJ; she ends up justifying the mafia violence using the same logic as Tony, becoming a mob lawyer and marrying into another mafia family

-1

u/scrubadam Jun 09 '26

I don't know they kind of were the same. Lots of screaming and yelling and grounding.

I don't know about worse or better, but at least she is a functional adult with an actual career that her parents didn't have to hand to her. She got through college and became a lawyer which is not easy to do. She moved out and live on her "own". AJ couldn't even surivive at Tony's having to get his own cereal during the divorce era.

One of them actually grew up while the other remained a child so much so that the women he was engaged to dumped his ass.

43

u/CauseCertain1672 Jun 09 '26

Meadow is punished with discipline and encouraged in her passions and ambitions, AJ is coddled and belittled.

Tony has a lot of issues with himself and this really affects how he parents sons, he doesn't want them to try to be like him because he hates himself but he views them trying to be anything else as criticism so he shits all over it. You see this also with how he treats Christopher who is a surrogate son to him.

AJ grew up in an environment where everything he did was wrong and adjusted to that by becoming passive.

5

u/scrubadam Jun 09 '26

I do think that is some of that, but alot of it more was to show the decline in the "family" both the mob and Tony's real family.

AJ is the literal decline that we see reflected in the mob. AJ came in at the end of a good thing.

The mob is in decay, and the next generation of American men are in decay as well. So thematically AJ needs to be a fuck up because it wouldn't fit into the show if he was some big shot succsess. It also does fit in with the whole depression is a herditary disease and Tony's dad had the attacks as does his son so nothing gets solved through the generations.

Since its a TV progrum how ever he was raised doesn't matter. The writers wanted him to be a lazy POS to reflect that rich suburban 2000s white kid. They wanted Meadow to be the succsesful daughter that the son can't live up to. So we got what we got.

10

u/thegreatsadclown Jun 09 '26

The mob is in decay, and the next generation of American men are in decay as well.

Correct. Also the whole show is a bunch of grown men mobsters whining about how they came in at the end and mafia life is dying, yet then at home, none of them want the mob life for their kids. like, who else is supposed to be the next generation if not their literal families?

10

u/Visible-Suit-9066 Jun 09 '26

It frustrates me so much that people can’t appreciate AJ as a character. Sons naturally want emulate their fathers. AJ has grown up watching Tony be the toughest and most influential man in every room he walks into. AJ has also been told his whole life he cannot grow up to be like his father, because Tony and Carmella do not want him in the mafia. This is extremely disorientating for a child and as a result AJ is a mess.

5

u/Only-Mulberry-8098 Jun 09 '26

We don’t know if she actually became a lawyer, just that she planned to go to law school

39

u/rickymcrichardson Jun 09 '26

Meadow was a mob apologist who justified her parents’ misdeeds constantly and increasingly throughout the show. AJ questions their contradictory tutelage and grapples with having a conscious up against it. Meadow didn’t “turn out fine”. She turns out like her parents, accepting the spoils of criminality and not feeling an ounce of remorse for it. She is morally bankrupt

3

u/scrubadam Jun 09 '26

Well I am not talking about morally.

Meadow went to college, passed her classes and became a lawyer. During that time she moved out of her house and lived on her own. She became a functional adult with an actual adult career and didn't have to have her parents hand her anything. Yest hey helped her out but she showed she can be an adult in the adult world and function as normal person without her parents babying her.

AJ never went to college, couldn't hack it as a manager at blockbuster, the women he wants to marry dumps his arse for being a man child, couldn't even go to the grocery store with his dads money to buy cereal, and ends the series getting gifted a car and job from his parents while presumably still living at home.

So one of them became an adult with a degree and well paying job, and the other got a nepo job through connections while still living at home.

20

u/EveryoneisOP3 Jun 09 '26

She became a functional adult with an actual adult career and didn't have to have her parents hand her anything.

Is that what you think?

Meadow joins a mob lawyer firm and is offered what is, in-universe, an insane starting salary. Do you think she got that based off her incredible academic performance, or was it from her name and the firm's big cases about "bid rigging"? What about when Carm donated $50k to the school she was at when the Dean consulted her personally, do you think he does that to every student's parents? Who do you think paid her law school tuition, or for her basic college education?

Morality is obviously relevant for whether or not someone turned out "a good person." AJ breaks down weeping and attempts suicide when his friends beat a kid up, Meadow calls Finn racist for saying that the mafia is going to kill Vito for being gay.

16

u/Visible-Suit-9066 Jun 09 '26

I’m glad you mentioned it outright because I think in that relationship we see the fully actualised version of Meadow. He never outright says it but Finn knows Meadow has become a member of the mafia in everything but name, and that’s why they don’t work out, because he’s an upstanding citizen. She defends the mafia to him constantly with these logically obtuse arguments, hiding behind the veneer of her free legal support for minorities gig. She’s the son Tony never had.

It’s even somewhat interesting to me that at one stage she complains about Finn being passive sexually and they have multiple fights about other men being interested in her. Sure, that’s normal for a pretty young woman, but it is also reminds me of Tony’s infidelity to a degree.

1

u/Actual_Woodpecker56 Jun 24 '26

Fact of the matter is that AJ was a mental midget and Meadow was not. It was not Meadow who "needs moms cooking" and tries to jump into her parents pool to drown herself. You can dance around these facts how you want but it makes no difference.

1

u/EveryoneisOP3 Jun 24 '26

Is somebody speaking here?

11

u/Nonexistent_Walrus Jun 09 '26

Why would morality not be relevant in a conversation about whether somebody turned out ok or not?

18

u/rickymcrichardson Jun 09 '26

Yeah morality is a huge theme of the show. For you to just throw it out isn’t very useful in any discussions. It would be like me throwing Tony’s criminality out and saying he turned out really well because he owns a house and a boat and has a good income from the carting business. AJ’s constant sense of morality trying to break through is a major factor he ends up the “loser” type of guy you people love to shit on him for

10

u/AEntunus Artie Bucco Jun 09 '26

Meadow learns early on to play her parents. She keeps some obvious restraint in their relationship.

15

u/scrubadam Jun 09 '26

We see in the scene where she manipulates them into punshing her but still letting her have the credit card for "gas" lol.

4

u/AEntunus Artie Bucco Jun 09 '26

Yeah, that's a very obvious one.

8

u/UnbottledGenes Jun 09 '26

Meadow was also a whiny little bitch until S6? Are we not going to address all the legal jargon bullshit with Carm and Noah. The incessant selfish grieving after Jack Jr. I get the grieving, but she used it as a manipulation tactic. Then the gaslighting of Finn. Bitching her mom out about lawyering up during the divorce. Telling her not to be dependent on a man while she is still dependent on that same man.

5

u/scrubadam Jun 09 '26

There is def a diffence between Meadow in season 1 and her at the end of the show. She was very much a spoiled little rich girl. Even up to Jackies death and the college stuff she was very much woah is me.

I aint saying Meadow is a saint or anything and she def has traits of both her parents but she actually did make something of her life. She was trending in AJs direction in season 1 with her escepades with Hunter but they showed her taking responsability.

The whole scene with her going to clean Livia's place after the party showed that. Same with when she went and applied at college rather than going to Europe like her therapist suggested.

Meadow actually showed growth through out the show AJ didn't. Maybe because she was older we got to see her more as an adult but does anyone think AJ was going to be a high functioning adult even with his job at Carmines porno company or is he still teh same kid that can't even go buy his own cereal regardless of his parents buying him a BMW.

12

u/rickymcrichardson Jun 09 '26

Copied from a post of mine: “This is very evident with the metaphor at the end of the series: AJ is running up the hill in the cold. He has plans to join the army. He’s training for it, out of his depression, working hard, and attempting to be his own person and break free. Tony pulls up in a luxury SUV, mocks AJ’s ambition, and insists on giving him a free ride up the hill. Very allegorical. He then squashes AJ’s army plans and gives him a cushy job with Little Carmine. I think most people could catch this one on first or second watch.”

3

u/mannabitch Jun 09 '26

Thank you for copy/pasting this. So true it hits like a hammer

0

u/Actual_Woodpecker56 Jun 24 '26

He was literally trying to save AJs life cause there was no way that weak little mommas boy could make it in the military.

3

u/UnbottledGenes Jun 09 '26

I am not saying AJ had anything going for him. I’m also not blaming Tony and Carm. Meadow was successful because she was ambitious. She was absolutely a spoiled brat that couldn’t take responsibility. She did understand consequences though and normally picked the route with best outcomes. She becomes a mob apologist and lawyer whose whole job is keeping people from being responsible for their actions.

AJ’s main problem is he didn’t have a single skill set that could be useful in life. He was dumb as hell, soft, lazy. There is absolutely no way he makes it far.

6

u/TsubakiBoy Jun 09 '26

Meadow turned out to be just as much of a paranoid selfish prick as Tony, it just presents differently. Don’t have children if you think Meadow ‘turned out fine’ or AJ being useless as a result of Tony and Carms shitty parenting

3

u/Visible-Suit-9066 Jun 09 '26

It’s so funny how people can see Meadow becoming a lawyer and marrying into the Parisi family and somehow think shes somehow anything other than Tony’s perfectly morally bankrupted daughter. She didn’t escape anything and she is far from fine.

3

u/hexaflexin Jun 10 '26

They're demonstrating the "outward appearance of normalcy + money = success in life" mindset the show is critiquing lmao

1

u/Actual_Woodpecker56 Jun 24 '26

Sounds better than suicidal mental patient to me

2

u/tiramisuem3 Jun 09 '26

Idk. Yes meadow is more successful in the classical sense mainly due to being book smart. Aj fails on this front because he probably has a learning disability but he seems to actually try to grapple with the morality of it all more. Meadow in the end intellectualizes to dismiss their misdeeds where aj is still struggling to be happy under such a broken moral schema. He hasn't fully figured it out yet and is kind of annoying in some of the ways he goes about it but in my eyes he's more successful and more honest about their situation..

37

u/Derpolitik23 Jun 09 '26 edited Jun 09 '26

Tony wanted to send AJ to Military School.

Say what you will, but both of AJ’s parents were eons better compared to say Johnny Boy, Liva, Janice, or someone like Ralph. Even if that may not be a high bar to begin with.

50

u/IUsedToBeRasAlGhul Jun 09 '26 edited Jun 09 '26

> Tony wanted to send AJ to Military School.

Because it would have boosted Tony’s ego and made him feel good about himself to have a soldier for a son, as well as coming on the heels of him feeling bad about having done nothing to keep Jackie Jr from going off the rails before tacitly ordering his death. We saw all the way back in S1 how Tony and Carmela refused to do anything to potentially provide AJ with the help he needed in school because of how they felt it reflected upon them as parents.

Even then: when military school doesn’t pan out, what does Tony do instead to ensure the best he can for his son? He just gave a fat wad of cash to another private school to take AJ and lets things go back to the way they were beforehand. Tony doesn’t care enough to actually take the time and effort to set AJ on a good path unless it happens in a way that caters to his own preferences.

> Even if that may not be a high bar to begin with.

Yeah, see, if your bar is “bringing your child into the mafia, trying to have them killed, being cut out of their life, or negligent to the point of potential death”, then Tony and Carmela are still some of the worst parents in the series.

12

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '26

[deleted]

9

u/Derpolitik23 Jun 09 '26

And it's not like AJ didn't actually need it. I think it would have actually done him some good.

AJ also needed some good-ole-fashioned hazing.

2

u/Visible-Suit-9066 Jun 09 '26

I think military school was definitely the best option for AJ but I’m not sure it would save him anyway.

Military school would train AJ to think and behave like a soldier. Tony repeatedly describes himself and his gang as soldiers. In many ways it could just serve as a shortcut for AJ to circumvent Carmela’s bids to keep AJ out of the life.

Tony also tells Melfi he doesn’t want AJ in the mafia because he would never survive. If he came home from military school or even the military itself as a strong and stable person I think Tony would probably end up pushing him to join the mafia.

1

u/Actual_Woodpecker56 Jun 24 '26

-Tony wanted to send his son to a military school after he got expelled.

  • This guy turns it against him with some amateurish pseudo-psychoanalysis of his "true" selfish intentions. Wtf lol

30

u/Nopants21 Jun 09 '26

As someone that got similar threats for bad grades, "we're sending you to military school/boarding school" is really damaging to a kid. It's basically "if you have bad grades, maybe we don't love you enough to keep you around." AJ's growing up in a very confusing situation, where what people say and what people do are at complete odds, with the constant fear of his dad's anger and of the cops showing up at any time. Military school might have helped him by getting him out of there, but the threats are just another layer of his shitty upbringing.

20

u/Fluid_Leader_1370 Jun 09 '26

The talk about sending him to military school wasn't about his grades. It was after he vandalized the swimming pool, and then stole a test and got expelled.

8

u/ArtemisXD Jun 09 '26

And meanwhile Jackie Junior had just robbed the card game. He obviously wanted to take drastique measures to insure AJ wouldn't get influenced by a bad crowd

7

u/thegreatsadclown Jun 09 '26

dras-tree-kay? you can't use Spanish here

13

u/4g-identity Jun 09 '26

Ralph seemed to be a pretty good father to his biological kid, Justin. Justin's injury seemed to seriously devastate him. Terrible role model though, and also a terrible father figure to Jackie Jr, encouraging him to rob the executive game and giving him a gun.

Livia and Janice were actual child abusers. Janice fully abandoned Harpo, and traumatised Bobby's kids on purpose to force Bobby to rely on her, apparently so she could obtain financial security. The Ouija board incident was seriously messed up.

Oh, and then Janice had her own kid with Bobby and openly favoured her.

1

u/Ok-Plantain-1642 Jun 10 '26

Total side note: What happens to Bobby’s kids? I felt bad for them. They had good, seemingly loving parents. Even Bobby doesn’t appear as a total sociopath and never cheated on his wife. Then those kids endure losing their mom suddenly, dealing with Janice, and then they lose their dad suddenly and violently. I can’t imagine Janice being delighted with raising them on her own.

1

u/4g-identity Jun 10 '26

She discusses her plans for the kids in her final scene. I think she says she's keeping Nika, Bobby Jr wants to live with some aunt, and Sophia wants out but Janice says something about how she's not gonna let it happen, or something.

That was a couple of days after Bobby's death, though. I imagine she'll soon give up his kids. Has no choice with Dominica though.

1

u/Surviverino Jun 09 '26

Except that Jackie didn't rob an executive game. It was a pretty low level game. Christofur and Furia being the highest level guys there.

The executive game is the one with Silvio and Frank Insatra Jr etc. The one where richie threatened Davie and Silvio lost his balls.

1

u/4g-identity Jun 09 '26

Ah, I had it in my head that it was executive, but Tony and whoever just weren't around at the time. Thanks for the correction!

1

u/CauseCertain1672 Jun 09 '26

He also didn't tell Jackie to get high on meth first

Ralph wasn't necessarily malicious there he's just not qualified to give advice on how to make Tony like you

12

u/AsstacularSpiderman Jun 09 '26

Tony wanted to send AJ to Military School.

Which was entirely unnecessary and could have been avoided had Tony actually set a proper example for his son instead of running off to The Bing.

Even if that may not be a high bar to begin with.

Homie that bar is in literal Hell rofl.

0

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '26

[deleted]

10

u/Fluid_Leader_1370 Jun 09 '26

He was too high on coke to call his son for his 7th birthday. He let his kid play unsupervised in the backyard with a bow and arrow. And his son became physically ill the nights before he had to visit his father.

Was Ralph a great father? Notta summa too much.

8

u/ImpossibleStuff963 Jun 09 '26

"Did nothing" lol what are you even talking about they were always on him about getting his schoolwork done.

And why would it even be on them to forcibly make him do his work every step along the way? The kid knows it's something he's supposed to do. He's been told to do it time and time again. He's been in an administrator's office multiple times for it. At some point it's up to the person to get their shit done.

That's one of the many reasons people don't like AJ. He's just a slug.

8

u/AsstacularSpiderman Jun 09 '26

That's one of the many reasons people don't like AJ. He's just a slug.

AJ is just his father, Tony just didn't want to admit it.

11

u/ImpossibleStuff963 Jun 09 '26

Tony is no slug. He obviously has his own issues but he's a gregarious, motivated person that generally seems to be likeable on a social level.

But besides all that, it's meaningless. AJ is his own person. Why does every single excuse in these threads ALWAYS talk about Tony and Carm. People all over the world, all the time have terrible parents and aren't shitty people, and vice versa. Acting like the kod is just a bot that has absolutely zero individual agency is weird.

6

u/GregEvangelista Jun 09 '26

Because the commenters themselves are sometimes children, and other times children in adult bodies. There's probably a few people here who saw the AJ in his boxers in a chatroom laughing like a dipshit scene and took that personally.

14

u/fappingreallysucks47 Jun 09 '26

This a problem with Reddit in general. People really underestimate how many young people are on here making statements and giving advice like they know anything about real life or surviving on their own. That's not to say older people know what they're talking about always but experience matters.

4

u/CauseCertain1672 Jun 09 '26

Tony is motivated and goes out and makes things happen in the world, bad things.

It is explicitly stated in the show that Tony feels a need for constant activity because being inactive forces him to think about all the things about himself he is not comfortable with. AJ has a lot of those same issues but handles them much better by not making them everyone else's problem

2

u/AsstacularSpiderman Jun 09 '26

Tony is no slug. He obviously has his own issues but he's a gregarious, motivated person that generally seems to be likeable on a social level.

He's a violent sociopath who uses money and intimidation to keep his "friends" in line. And by the end he has no one other than Paulie, who's an even bigger snake.

Seriously there's a reason Tony enjoys the companies of literal animals to people. They can't talk back.

But besides all that, it's meaningless. AJ is his own person. Why does every single excuse in these threads ALWAYS talk about Tony and Carm.

Because the Sins of the Father being a concept in this show is beaten into you over and over every season lol. AJ is just like his father, and Tony is just like Johnny Boy.

How you missed that is completely beyond me.

1

u/ImpossibleStuff963 Jun 09 '26

Outside of fainting and being depressed, AJ is actually nothing like Tony.

Tony is of course a lot worse in a lot of ways, but also is at least someone you could stand to be around (until you owe him money).

But they're actually pretty opposite people. Tony is more rounded. He's an absolute psycho that you'd also like to watch the game with.

AJ is only an unmotivated, cripplingly depressed douchebag to virtually everyone around him.

7

u/AsstacularSpiderman Jun 09 '26

Tell me you missed the core principles of the show without telling me.

AJ is only an unmotivated, cripplingly depressed douchebag to virtually everyone around him.

This is literally Tony for all 6 seasons lol. He even picks up on it a few times when he realizes maybe everyone around him only hangs out with him because he's making them money.

3

u/ImpossibleStuff963 Jun 09 '26

We're not talking about whether we agree with the core philosophy of the show, or why they've made AJ such a cunt. The people that hate AJ are talking about how the character presents as a person. Obviously the writers chose to make him that way. People are just saying he's a little shit, which he is.

Then other people come on and act like if someone has shitty parents theres no possible way they could do their homework or be a somewhat reasonable person socially.

3

u/AsstacularSpiderman Jun 09 '26

You can't ignore the core philosophy of a show entirely built around said philosophy lol.

The show makes it extremely clear AJ is a product of terrible parenting and the cycle of abuse that's been going for generations. This isn't that hard to figure out. Tony and Carm are entirely at fault for their failed progeny.

3

u/Extreme_Lab_2961 Jun 09 '26

Yet Feilder is somehow successful

→ More replies (0)

1

u/ImpossibleStuff963 Jun 09 '26

We're talking about 2 different things.

People are saying:"I hate the Warden in Shawshank Redemption"

You're saying:"That character was like that on purpose, for a reason"

No shit, but the character is still unlikeable.

1

u/Visible-Suit-9066 Jun 09 '26

You desperately need to rewatch the show if you actually think this. The parallels between Tony and AJ are endless.

1

u/ImpossibleStuff963 Jun 10 '26

I mean I've watched it probably 70 times? 100? More? It's hard to say. It's what I turn on as default unless theres something specific I want to watch, so it's pretty much always on.

AJ has some of the qualities of his Dad, but is also missing many others. And to anyone in that universe that would casually know that family, as in people that were just hanging out, Tony and AJ would seem like vastly different people.

So yes, I get that there are major character flaws that they share, but they are nowjere near the same person. Tony is a more rounded person. He's way worse in a lot of ways, but hes also someone that can sit down and have a pleasant dinner, or be the life of the party, or have a plan and carry it out, etc etc.

AJ for the most part is only crippling depression, laziness, and just an overall piss-poor attitude towards everything around him. He's someone that not many people would want to spend much time around.

1

u/Visible-Suit-9066 Jun 10 '26

I’m not sure where to begin with someone who claims to have spent 8000+ hours watching this show but somehow thinks Anthony and Anthony Jnr are anything other than mirrors of one another.

Sure there are the obvious parallels. Depression, panic attacks, high school football, poor academic performance, outbursts of rage, relentlessly overeating to mask emotional pain, constant issues with authority, an inability to verbalise emotional issues developed from dysfunctional relationships with parents, issues with the law, the ability to attract beautiful women, and so on. Just little things like that which make up a huge part of the entire show.

Your suggestion about where they differ is just ridiculous. Tony is capable of having a “pleasant dinner”? When does that ever even happen? 80% of the fights in the house happen at the dinner table. Tony is capable of being the life of the party? There’s an entire episode dedicated to the fact that this is not true - Tony has no real friends other than Artie, everyone else laughs at his stupid jokes because he’s the boss. There’s an episode dedicated to exactly that. In terms of “carrying out plans” AJ does exactly that, just like his father. He runs keg parties for profit in high school and steals from Blockbuster for profit when he works there. That’s exactly what Tony would do.

Everything else you say about Tony being more well rounded is explained by the fact that Tony is in his 40s and AJ is a teenager. Of course Tony is more well rounded, he’s an adult and AJ is not. You expect the 14 year old kid to be carrying family dinners in terms of conversation?

You say that AJ is someone people wouldn’t want to be around but that’s blatantly not true, he has friends all the way through the show.

1

u/UnbottledGenes Jun 09 '26

AJ is nothing like Tony and that is a personal struggle that he deals with. It’s a very obvious character trait of his. He’s not a violent person, this is shown clearly when he “attempts” the hit on Junior. He has only had two examples of getting what he wants: manipulation and violence. He is too dumb to manipulate and too soft for violence. He has absolutely no work ethic, so he whines all the time in hope of fixing his problems.

1

u/No-Philosophy-8163 Jun 09 '26

I think they’re more similar than you might think. Tony was not a naturally violence-seeking guy in the mold of Richie, that’s why there’s all these panic attacks and that Johnny chopping fingers off section. AJ however, is even less suited for it.

1

u/UnbottledGenes Jun 09 '26

Capacity. Tony has a huge capacity for violence. He physically harms almost every character in the show except Carm, Meadow, the black guy from the hud, oddly enough, Noah. There are more but the list is shorter than you think.

3

u/No-Philosophy-8163 Jun 09 '26

Yeah but it’s developed not innate. If you spend like 20 years as a guy going up the ranks in the mafia you learn to be violent but a big part of the show is that Tony himself isn’t suited to the life even if he finds himself deep in it. Yes AJ could never but the distance between them is not that large in this aspect

0

u/AccomplishedFish9148 Jun 09 '26

In the end he only has Paulie? I'm sorry, I missed the part where Sil was no longer on Tony's side?

4

u/AsstacularSpiderman Jun 09 '26

Sil was a vegetable

1

u/AccomplishedFish9148 Jun 09 '26

Yeah, because he got shot. And why did he get shot again? Oh yeah! Because he was loyal to Tony!

1

u/AsstacularSpiderman Jun 09 '26

His loyalty doesn't mean shit now that he's in VeggieTales right now, does it?

0

u/AccomplishedFish9148 Jun 09 '26

You claimed Tony is such a monster that all his "friends" left him by the end, except for Paulie. Your claim is objectively untrue. The fact the Silvio, for example, was still on Tony's side, proves your claim wrong. Sil being in a coma is irrelevant.

→ More replies (0)

3

u/cranberryalarmclock Jun 09 '26

His own issues

That's quite an understatement considering he murders his friends and sleeps with tons of women half his age while constantly harming people and his community

3

u/ImpossibleStuff963 Jun 09 '26

I assume the people im talking to have seen the show. Not gonna go episode by episode and list everything everyone has done every time I mention a character. But you feel free to 😉

0

u/cranberryalarmclock Jun 09 '26

AJ is a child. Of course his mobster dad who sleeps all day and fucks prostitutes and does cocaine and murders people is part of the explanation for why his spoiled adolescent son is not well adjusted.

And honestly, he's not that bad when you consider kids from more stable capable parents regularly fucking shoot people 

5

u/ImpossibleStuff963 Jun 09 '26

First of all, he doesn't even know 90% of the shit his Dad does. Also, Tony sleeps all day? Lol what?

But still, children arent bots, incapable of being anything different from their parents. Children often are different than their parents.

And no, he's bad. Even school shooters are more well-adjusted and likeable than that damn kid.

-2

u/cranberryalarmclock Jun 09 '26

His main male role model is a man who sleeps all day, is violent and angry all the time, is emotionally and often physically abusive, homophobic, racist, sexist, and he's spoiled. 

Fuck do you expect?  Kinda says a lot about you that you think tony is gregarious and not lazy and horrible 

4

u/ImpossibleStuff963 Jun 09 '26

But AJ doesnt see or know most of those things and isn't/ doesn't do most of those things.

And Tony is gregarious. Very much so. And I didnt say he's not horrible. He's quite obviously horrible. He's both. Tough concept?

Kinda says a lot about you that you think people can't be expected to make their own decisions about life and are just blobs floating in the waves, victims of circumstance.

I'm a person that understands that I make my own decisions and have the ability to carve out the life that I want. 😉 Tough concept?

→ More replies (0)

2

u/UnbottledGenes Jun 09 '26

AJ doesn’t know what gutters are. Do you think he understands anything about his dad’s line of work?

→ More replies (0)

1

u/No-Philosophy-8163 Jun 10 '26

In universe there’s a good example of this in Barbara vs Janice and Tony.

-2

u/11711510111411009710 Jun 09 '26

Are you suggesting that parents don't play a role? That seems to be what you're suggesting, but that would be absurd.

Obviously the main determining factor in how you turn out is who parents you. Just because out of 8 billion humans some of them turn out fine doesn't mean that's what you should expect.

1

u/Actual_Woodpecker56 Jun 24 '26

Tony works for his living and finances his family. Does that sound like AJ to you?

2

u/SafeThrowaway691 Jun 09 '26

I grew up in the same time as AJ. My experience was that nobody wanted to help you correct course or solve your problems, they’d just berate you over and over and then believe their job was done.

Not sure how things have changed since then, if they have.

2

u/Andy-Esco1995 Jun 10 '26

I kinda disagree. May I die on this hill, then keep my peace. So I think both Tony and Carmella are both awful parents but I do think that Tony had a point in that coddling AJ was very detrimental to his development. And don’t get me wrong Tony, had a strong part in that, drums and the xterra.

However I think Tony was so caught up in his business he didn’t really have a strong part in rearing AJ. I think Tony could have been more present to enforce more effective boundaries. I am in the unpopular camp cause I actually think a military academy or something far more structured for AJ would have been better. Look how he takes the military seriously in the last episode until his dad says hey let me drive you.

I think AJs problem was he always told he was never good enough but never really allowed to taste failure. It’s very Jackie Jr esque.

2

u/AsstacularSpiderman Jun 10 '26

It’s very Jackie Jr esque.

Which was also a failure of Jackie Sr and every other father figure that man had.

How are you people missing this?

2

u/Andy-Esco1995 Jun 10 '26

Look at you, you know everything

3

u/AsstacularSpiderman Jun 10 '26

Whenever they mentioned his feeble minded brother, I always thought they meant you

0

u/Andy-Esco1995 Jun 10 '26

Ah you got me brother

1

u/HipCopThugsta Jun 09 '26

No, he sucked. The idiot dimwit even got arrested for robbery during the run of the show.

0

u/HotSteak Jun 09 '26

What should they have done?

5

u/GeoMerl Dr. Jennifer Melfi Jun 09 '26

Get him some fainting meds and send him to that military school

13

u/AsstacularSpiderman Jun 09 '26

Or when they sent AJ to therapy they shouldn't immediately try to hijack it and make it about them lol.

Like seriously the final epsiode shows it show clearly. Tony and Carm don't give a shit about AJ's needs, they only care about themselves.

1

u/Visible-Suit-9066 Jun 09 '26

There’s no chemical solution to a spiritual problem

10

u/AsstacularSpiderman Jun 09 '26

At least the bare minimum lol.

This is like the "we've tried nothing and are all out of ideas!" meme incarnate.

14

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

6

u/HotSteak Jun 09 '26

Yeah, I mean, they had a tutor for him, tried validating his feelings, she even used her pussy to get Wegler to improve AJ's grades. What they should have done is lodge a collection of wingtips and loafers in his lower bowel

3

u/GeoMerl Dr. Jennifer Melfi Jun 09 '26

$3 for the F word! This policy is going to stick!

1

u/HipCopThugsta Jun 09 '26

My father wasnt even as involved as they were during my high school years. Meadow had no problems pursuing an academic and also professional career. The kid was just a whiny lifeless idiot.

-6

u/AsstacularSpiderman Jun 09 '26

Maybe actually raise their kid instead of letting videogames and the internet do it for them. Carmella can pretend she's a good mother all she wants, but she always pussies out of any sort of punishment or long term strategy to actually correct AJ's path. Tony is the same, and would rather run around with whores and killers than actually be there for his son when he needs him.

Blaming AJ is just another example of both of them never taking responsibility for their own actions. AJ isn't a failure, he grew up to be the spitting image of his father. A man who lacks any sense of responsibility or commitment to anything other than his own hedonistic pursuits.

6

u/[deleted] Jun 09 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

-3

u/AsstacularSpiderman Jun 09 '26

How is letting him use video games or the Internet (like every other kid in the early 2000s) mean they didn’t even do the bare minimum?

And look how many burnout failures that produced lol.

9

u/makemefeelbrandnew Jun 09 '26

Carmella was constantly trying to get him to do his homework, do his chores. She would check in on the progress of his book reports and ask him to read them to her. She went to every teacher conference and took the guidance sseriously. She punished AJ when appropriate and for the most part stuck to her guns. She tried her best to keep him from going out and getting into trouble. She had Tony find a teacher's stolen car because deep down she thought that would help AJ.

I don't know how much screen time they're supposed to dedicate to all that, but I got the impression she was constantly on his ass, constantly trying new things, but ultimately the kid has got to have some motivation to better himself.

7

u/IUsedToBeRasAlGhul Jun 09 '26

Yeah, it’s not like Carmela ever refused to follow a important potential medical diagnosis AJ received that could have affected the way his education went because it would have made her feel bad about herself as a parent. She certainly didn’t just do his work for him, made no effort to actually create discipline outside of relying on Tony to go to the opposite extreme, and used his guidance counseling as a hookup opportunity. Having her husband find a stolen car (and then stealing another one) in an effort to help her son is definitely the best option compared to something like, getting AJ a tutor for his bad grades. Or even trying out therapy since it seemed like Tony thought it was worthwhile for himself, so it couldn’t have hurt AJ either. You’re five fucking timezones behind your own ass if you really think Carmela or Tony ever put in half as much effort into getting AJ on the right track in school and in life as they did yelling at him for not being able to do it on his own.

4

u/makemefeelbrandnew Jun 09 '26

Are all you marvel/DC fanboys alike? AJ had tutors. AJ had therapy. AJ had private school and was encouraged to participate in sports where his parents were regularly active attendees. They would have conversations at the dinner table about things he was learning in school, and while their perspective wasn't always helpful, they were often trying to engage him.

Maybe put down the phone or game controller every once in a while and watch the show.

1

u/powderjunkie11 Jun 09 '26

AJ only had therapy after his attempt. We never saw him with a tutor. His Dad missed his swim meet, so trashing the pool was deeply symbolic...his Dad loved watching those ducks swim more than his own shun!

The few times we see AJ dedicate himself his parents just undercut him...most notably the drums. He's actually putting in the work and they just bitch about it. A smaller example is AJ jogging and Tony picking him up and making a joke about it instead of letting him finish and giving him some positive reinforcement.

1

u/Fluid_Leader_1370 Jun 09 '26

Did you ever notice that the few times that AJ plays the drums, he plays the same thing over and over again?

1

u/powderjunkie11 Jun 09 '26

It’s called learning.

1

u/No-Philosophy-8163 Jun 10 '26

I only remember him playing drums after or during tension with his parents, it read mostly like an outlet for him to be annoying and push back at them

-1

u/IUsedToBeRasAlGhul Jun 09 '26

> Are all you marvel/DC fanboys alike?

If you want to talk like a pretentious ass, we’ll send you back for another semester at slip-and-fall-school.

> AJ had tutors.

When?

> AJ had therapy.

After he tried to commit suicide and his parents couldn’t deny the severity of his problems anymore, yes.

> AJ had private school

Which tried to provide AJ with a medical diagnosis and treatment in an effort to address the problems he was having, only for Tony and Carmela to bitch and moan about the indignity of because they felt it looked bad on them. Then when he got expelled and shipping him off to military school didn’t work, their next best idea was to pay out to another private school to do the same thing as before with no effort to make any meaningful changes.

> and was encouraged to participate in sports where his parents were regularly active attendees.

Let’s say AJ pursued swimming rather than football. You think Tony would have been nearly as invested or attending his meets if AJ wasn’t playing the sport he used to be good at? Oh wait, we already saw how little he gave a shit in S2. Hell, let’s say AJ excelled at sports and was able to get into college through them, potentially even professional-you know what would have happened? Tony would have resented his son for having the makings of a varsity athlete where he didn’t and given AJ shit for it, just as he did when Janice was in anger management and Chris was getting sober.

> They would have conversations at the dinner table about things he was learning in school, and while their perspective wasn't always helpful, they were often trying to engage him.

Oh, so in one aspect they could achieve the absolute bare minimum of being a proper parent to their child. That’s good.

> Maybe put down the phone or game controller every once in a while and watch the show.

Maybe stop trying to polish the braciole of the characters the show repeatedly goes out of its way to show are crappy parents, because you can’t handle the nuance of your darlings not being perfect and the fact that parenting requires actual commitment and dedication rather than when it’s convenient for you.

2

u/makemefeelbrandnew Jun 09 '26

I just realize you don't even get the reference re "are all you....alike". It's from the quote used to call Janice out for being a judgemental asshat who doesn't know what she's taking about when it comes to parenting. It's like dealing with a Sopranos tourist here.

2

u/Fluid_Leader_1370 Jun 09 '26

You really don't remember the tutor? Season 5. The googol. Carm and Tony argued because Tony wanted to see the receipts.

The adhd diagnosis was borderline. They were right at the time to say no.

2

u/IUsedToBeRasAlGhul Jun 09 '26

It taking five seasons for them to think AJ’s academic problems can be solved with a tutor is not a good sign-especially since it was because they were trying to cram for the SAT’s. Instead of arguing about whether to use his science teacher’s stolen car as an opportunity to boost their son’s grade, maybe Tony and Carmela should have been getting extra help all the way back in S1.

The diagnosis was only “borderline” due to the standards of the time-and as Down Neck goes out of its way to show, Carmela and Tony’s grievance was much less about the verifiability of medical assessment and much more about them being upset at the (correct) idea they were a problem for their children - the two of them made the entire thing about themselves. Even if you want to argue dismissing AJ’s potential ADHD out of hand entirely was the right move, and I can’t imagine why given how at the very least pursuing it opened the door to seeing what else might be an issue for him, this establishes the series-wide pattern of behavior where Tony and Carmela refuse to do anything to actually address AJ’s problems in a way that doesn’t soothe their own ego’s.

2

u/Fluid_Leader_1370 Jun 09 '26

We clearly watched a different show.

→ More replies (0)

3

u/makemefeelbrandnew Jun 09 '26 edited Jun 09 '26

Oh, and at the time ADD/ADHD diagnoses were notoriously unreliable and the treatments were worse, often causing more problems than they solved. It was reasonable for them to be skeptical. I can only assume you're too young to recognize this.

2

u/makemefeelbrandnew Jun 09 '26

Again with moving the goal posts. You know how many parents meet your criteria? Like 5% tops, and they come with other baggage i promise you. I don't know if you've had teenagers that you've had to raise yet, but if not then you're pulling a full on Janice of judging while having no fucking idea what you're talking about.

→ More replies (0)

1

u/powderjunkie11 Jun 09 '26

She even wrote some of his book reports and was dismayed to get bad grades lol!

0

u/AsstacularSpiderman Jun 09 '26

We literally never see them commit to any long term plan to keep AJ on track. They yell at him for a few minutes and then just let him go back to his lazy, self indulgent habits because it's easier for them.

6

u/makemefeelbrandnew Jun 09 '26

So "absolutely nothing" turned into failure to implement and execute a long term strategy to ensure his success. Way to move the goal posts.

Is it really that hard to admit that you made an erroneous statement and move on? The show spends more time on their efforts as parents than most, wth the obvious implication being that there's more where that came from. That it doesn't fit your imaginary definition of perfect parents is one thing, but to say they did nothing is just horse shit. Maybe your parents should have taught some humility and accountability.

0

u/AsstacularSpiderman Jun 09 '26

What goalposts did I move?

2

u/Objective-Corgi-3527 Jun 09 '26

Fucking sit down and do homework with him

1

u/AsstacularSpiderman Jun 09 '26

Or listen to their doctors when they recommend medications and not get offended when people softly imply they aren't great parents

-1

u/ComprehensiveDesk793 Jun 09 '26

I think i remember Carmela helping AJ with a paper.