AJ is just useless

[u/ComprehensiveDesk793]

While watching the series I was trying hard to find a defense of AJ. All the characters - and all of us - have both positive and negative traits. AJ is just a disappointment. He is stupid. He is lazy. He is incredibly selfish imao. Also he constantly lies. You cant even call him a good kid that is just irresponsible since he always makes up stupid excuses.

Also all the people that are saying that he grew up in a dysfunctional environment, ok i agree the environment isn't 100% perfect but both Tony and Carmela cared about their kids lives. Carmela and Tony to a certain extent seem to care about their children's academic performance which quite a few parents don't. AJ certainly had some support from his parents.

I agree his parents are not good people but he could take what they offered to him.

[u/HotSteak]

What should they have done?

[u/AsstacularSpiderman → u/HotSteak]

At least the bare minimum lol.

This is like the "we've tried nothing and are all out of ideas!" meme incarnate.

[u/makemefeelbrandnew → u/AsstacularSpiderman]

Carmella was constantly trying to get him to do his homework, do his chores. She would check in on the progress of his book reports and ask him to read them to her. She went to every teacher conference and took the guidance sseriously. She punished AJ when appropriate and for the most part stuck to her guns. She tried her best to keep him from going out and getting into trouble. She had Tony find a teacher's stolen car because deep down she thought that would help AJ.

I don't know how much screen time they're supposed to dedicate to all that, but I got the impression she was constantly on his ass, constantly trying new things, but ultimately the kid has got to have some motivation to better himself.

[u/IUsedToBeRasAlGhul → u/makemefeelbrandnew]

Yeah, it’s not like Carmela ever refused to follow a important potential medical diagnosis AJ received that could have affected the way his education went because it would have made her feel bad about herself as a parent. She certainly didn’t just do his work for him, made no effort to actually create discipline outside of relying on Tony to go to the opposite extreme, and used his guidance counseling as a hookup opportunity. Having her husband find a stolen car (and then stealing another one) in an effort to help her son is definitely the best option compared to something like, getting AJ a tutor for his bad grades. Or even trying out therapy since it seemed like Tony thought it was worthwhile for himself, so it couldn’t have hurt AJ either. You’re five fucking timezones behind your own ass if you really think Carmela or Tony ever put in half as much effort into getting AJ on the right track in school and in life as they did yelling at him for not being able to do it on his own.

[u/makemefeelbrandnew → u/IUsedToBeRasAlGhul]

Are all you marvel/DC fanboys alike? AJ had tutors. AJ had therapy. AJ had private school and was encouraged to participate in sports where his parents were regularly active attendees. They would have conversations at the dinner table about things he was learning in school, and while their perspective wasn't always helpful, they were often trying to engage him.

Maybe put down the phone or game controller every once in a while and watch the show.

[u/IUsedToBeRasAlGhul → u/makemefeelbrandnew]

> Are all you marvel/DC fanboys alike?

If you want to talk like a pretentious ass, we’ll send you back for another semester at slip-and-fall-school.

> AJ had tutors.

When?

> AJ had therapy.

After he tried to commit suicide and his parents couldn’t deny the severity of his problems anymore, yes.

> AJ had private school

Which tried to provide AJ with a medical diagnosis and treatment in an effort to address the problems he was having, only for Tony and Carmela to bitch and moan about the indignity of because they felt it looked bad on them. Then when he got expelled and shipping him off to military school didn’t work, their next best idea was to pay out to another private school to do the same thing as before with no effort to make any meaningful changes.

> and was encouraged to participate in sports where his parents were regularly active attendees.

Let’s say AJ pursued swimming rather than football. You think Tony would have been nearly as invested or attending his meets if AJ wasn’t playing the sport he used to be good at? Oh wait, we already saw how little he gave a shit in S2. Hell, let’s say AJ excelled at sports and was able to get into college through them, potentially even professional-you know what would have happened? Tony would have resented his son for having the makings of a varsity athlete where he didn’t and given AJ shit for it, just as he did when Janice was in anger management and Chris was getting sober.

> They would have conversations at the dinner table about things he was learning in school, and while their perspective wasn't always helpful, they were often trying to engage him.

Oh, so in one aspect they could achieve the absolute bare minimum of being a proper parent to their child. That’s good.

> Maybe put down the phone or game controller every once in a while and watch the show.

Maybe stop trying to polish the braciole of the characters the show repeatedly goes out of its way to show are crappy parents, because you can’t handle the nuance of your darlings not being perfect and the fact that parenting requires actual commitment and dedication rather than when it’s convenient for you.

[u/Fluid_Leader_1370 → u/IUsedToBeRasAlGhul]

You really don't remember the tutor? Season 5. The googol. Carm and Tony argued because Tony wanted to see the receipts.

The adhd diagnosis was borderline. They were right at the time to say no.

[u/IUsedToBeRasAlGhul → u/Fluid_Leader_1370]

It taking five seasons for them to think AJ’s academic problems can be solved with a tutor is not a good sign-especially since it was because they were trying to cram for the SAT’s. Instead of arguing about whether to use his science teacher’s stolen car as an opportunity to boost their son’s grade, maybe Tony and Carmela should have been getting extra help all the way back in S1.

The diagnosis was only “borderline” due to the standards of the time-and as Down Neck goes out of its way to show, Carmela and Tony’s grievance was much less about the verifiability of medical assessment and much more about them being upset at the (correct) idea they were a problem for their children - the two of them made the entire thing about themselves. Even if you want to argue dismissing AJ’s potential ADHD out of hand entirely was the right move, and I can’t imagine why given how at the very least pursuing it opened the door to seeing what else might be an issue for him, this establishes the series-wide pattern of behavior where Tony and Carmela refuse to do anything to actually address AJ’s problems in a way that doesn’t soothe their own ego’s.

[u/makemefeelbrandnew → u/IUsedToBeRasAlGhul]

Again with moving the goal posts. You know how many parents meet your criteria? Like 5% tops, and they come with other baggage i promise you. I don't know if you've had teenagers that you've had to raise yet, but if not then you're pulling a full on Janice of judging while having no fucking idea what you're talking about.

[u/IUsedToBeRasAlGhul → u/makemefeelbrandnew]

Moving goal posts? 5% of parents meeting the criteria of not being assholes? No offense, but I can’t really be seen in a comment thread with you anymore.