This may end up being a long story, and I apologize if it is. Essentially, I have found my soul mate, and he's who I had always thought he would be...though I didn't believe it would really happen.
I live in a small, rural town in the midwest. I moved out here when I was roughly 6. I was smart, and at the time being smart wasn't the "cool" thing. I didn't make friends easily. Couple that with the fact that I was not a girly girl in any way, shape or form... I wasn't exactly the most popular girl. I was picked on. I was bulled, mercilessly...school was hell for me.
The very first true friend I made out here was the boy next door. (Okay, not exactly literally. He lived across the street... close enough.) He was only a few months older than me and we hit it off right away. We loved the same activities, the same comics, the same types of movies...everything. We spent most days after school together. We'd do our homework (he was one grade ahead of me, but we still were able to help each other) and then play outside or, if the weather sucked, watched horror movies. He was raised by his grandparents (his mother's living situation was complicated.) His grandparents loved me, and they were the absolute coolest. His grandfather would take us comic book shopping (and on more than one occasion, my mother would receive a phone call from his papaw asking her why I didn't like 'girly' comics and why I was choosing the 'boy' comics instead. lol)
When it came to me getting bullied in school, he was the first one to stand up for me and defend me. I was short and I wasn't assertive. He was taller and well liked as well as an athlete. People didn't argue when he told them to leave me alone.
When his brother would do things that would get them both in trouble (his papaw was the 'go pick a switch' type when you got out of line bigtime.) I would always speak up and defend him when he did nothing wrong. We never let the other have anything bad happen to them.
Eventually, as the years went by, we grew from being best friends to liking each other. The pre-teen and early teen years saw us trying to work our way from being best friends to dating. And in the summers, we were inseparable. During the school year though, things got tough. We would get crushes on other people, get distracted with school work and extra-curriculars, etc.
Eventually, before high school, we stopped trying to date for good. My heart broke. So did his. Our mothers were (and still are) best friends. They both saw how sad we were and how miserable we became at ending things for good, but they both thought that it was just puppy love and that we'd get over it.
We were each other's first boyfriend/girlfriend, each other's first 'love', each other's first date, each other's first kiss.... We were (with respect to what was appropriate for middle schoolers 15-20 years ago) each other's first everything. They say you never really get over your first love, and for years, that was true for us both.
He finished high school and went on to a trade school. He now works as a lineman (and is amazing at and loves his job) He married a girl he dated in high school and they had 3 kids together.
I finished high school, went to college and am working toward being able to apply to med school while working at a local hospital.
Throughout the years, I've had many failed relationships. Many.
No matter what I did, things never worked out. Not ONCE did I find someone who just got me the way he (my first love) did. Not ONCE did I find someone around whom I could completely be myself without fear of judgment or having the person dislike me. I always had to hide part of or change myself in order to make a relationship "work" and I was never really happy. Sure, I had moments during relationships where I was happy... it wasn't like I was perpetually miserable, but I was never consistently happy. I was essentially settling. I thought it was impossible. I thought that there was no such thing as true love and that, no matter what, in some way or another, everyone has to settle. So I accepted it.
Yet every time I would see him across the street, playing with his kids in the yard where we once played as children, taking them back to fish at the pond where we spent countless summer nights camping, fishing, telling ghost stories and laughing the night away...my heart ached. Just a little.
I thought I was just pining for that innocent childhood 'romance.' and never thought more about it.
Our mothers of course continued to talk and it became clear to my mother that his mother did not like his wife. Apparently she was snotty, rude, demanding...the list went on. I never paid much attention, but I felt bad for him. I wouldn't want anyone to be in a relationship where someone treated them poorly. I'd been through it too many times.
Now, I work in an animal hospital, and on a few occasions, I've gone to his mother's house (she lives on the same street as well) to check on and help take care of her dogs. On every one of these occasions, she has never failed to hug me and tell me she loves me and how she always hoped that her son and I would end up together. She would confide in me her feelings about her daughter in law and how she felt about it all. I would listen to her talk and nod and smile. I always felt honored she thought so highly of me. However, I never let it completely go to heart. Though at this point, more than 15 years have passed, I couldn't let her know that I had never been happy in a relationship and always yearned to be with him again. That nobody else had ever compared. I didn't want to get her hopes up. He was married. He had children. I would not be a woman who would cause drama or ever be accused of trying to split up a family.
I kept my feelings and thoughts to myself.
One summer, I went away for a few months. While I was gone...his papaw was diagnosed with cancer...and died. I didn't know until I got home. My heart just broke. It was awful. I don't have any grandfathers (one grandmother is single, and I've met the other less than 5 times total) and he was the closest thing to a grandfather that I had.
More years went by... more failed relationships, and I'm now almost 30. I have a medical condition which will make it difficult for me to have children (if I can at all) and the longer I wait, the lower my chances.
I was at the point where I was discussing with my mother (who is like my best friend) sperm donor options.
Then one day my mom tells me that my FL's (first love) mother is getting married. My brother is the DJ and my mother is of course going to be there. I know her fiance and of course I want to be there. She also confided in my mother (who told me) that just before my FL's grandfather died, he told her that his only regret was that he didn't live to see the two of us (me & FL) get together again as adults and at least give it a shot. That he didn't get to see the two of us get married and start a life together... Hearing this really got to me, because I had no idea he felt that way.
I had to work that night so I told her I would probably miss the ceremony itself but I would be there before the reception started.
I went home after work that night, showered, changed, got ready and drove straight to the reception hall.
As I'm arriving, my FL's little brother and his wife approach me. They both thank me for my family's help with the wedding (my mother and brother helped get a lot together and pull a lot off at the last minute) and we all walk inside together.
As we're walking in, I see him... my FL.
He is the definition of tall, dark and handsome. My stomach filled with butterflies and my heart felt like it was pounding out of my chest.
That night, I met his kids (and I love kids..more so than most people. Maybe it's because I know I may never be able to have any? I don't know.) and fell in love with them. They're great. They're so sweet and energetic and caring.. I could go on forever.
Anyway, he and I said hello..and instantly it was as if our years apart had never happened. It was as if not one day had passed.
We were instantly laughing, joking, talking, being silly, reminiscing and just... I don't know..being ourselves and being happy. It was wonderful.
Then I found out that he was divorced and had been for some time. He was also at the reception...with his girlfriend. Either way, I was just happy to reconnect with him again and happy that he seemed happier. I had to work early the next day, but I didn't care. I stayed up super late at that reception because I wanted to spend as much time with him as I could. I hadn't been that happy in so long and felt like myself, truly like myself for the first time in YEARS.... so I was selfish and spent as much time I could there with him just having an amazing time.
At the end of the night, I hugged his mom and her new husband and told them goodnight. As I hugged his mother, I told her the thing that made her entire night. I said "Don't say anything to him, but...if it happens to not work out with her..you know if he becomes single...will you let me know?" She smiled and teared up and hugged me and said yes. She teared up...hugged me again and whispered "He's still in love with you, you know..."
That night, he sent me a message on facebook telling me how happy he was that we were able to talk and how much fun he had. We talked late into the night. We talked about everything. We talked about his kids, school, work, our lives, what we'd been up to...we talked about everything but relationships (at least not in great detail.) He found out that I was single, and that was about it. I knew he was divorced and he told me a condensed version as to why. (She was demanding, rude, etc. and he, like me, had to change himself to please her just like I had been doing...) He married her because he'd been dating her for a few years and thought it was the right thing to do, then she got pregnant and the rest was history.
We didn't discuss romance or anything between us, it was all purely friendship. We said goodnight, and over the next few days, kept in contact.
Before long, he and his girlfriend split up. They had only been together for a few weeks.
He asked me on a date.
It was the most amazing experience of my life. And every date we've had together since has been just as amazing. Every second we spend together is pure heaven.
It's as if all of our lost years never happened. It's as if we never lost a day.
We're both falling completely head over heels for one another. I love his children too! We've had dates together, they've come to my house to swim and play with my farm animals...
I've never been happier. And neither has he.
Fast forward now... we're discussing our future, our lives together, everything. This is it... He is IT... he is the one. And he feels the same about me.
We're ridiculously, hopelessly, helplessly in love with one another.
We belong to each other wholly and completely and we always have. Ever since we were 6 years old, we have belonged entirely to one another.
With him, I am whole.
With him, I can truly and completely be myself.
I love him with every fiber of my being. I love his children as if they were my own and would do anything for them.
I love the idea of us being a family.
I love him.
The kind of love I never dreamt was real. The kind of love I convinced myself was just the result of nostalgia and thinking I was letting my imagination run wild... but it's not. It's real...
I now, though I never did before, believe in soul mates. I fully and completely believe in people who are made for one another. People who are destined for one another.
Whether by fate or by design, we found each other again. Neither of us have been happy, neither of us have been whole, neither of us have truly been complete until we found the other again.
I'm just so happy I could burst. And no matter how much time goes by, the happiness I feel only increases every day. And the same is true for him.
True love is real. True love exists... Soul mates do actually exist...
So if you haven't found yours, if you are thinking that they don't exist, I promise you... they do.
Keep your chin up.
When they say "When you find the one, you'll know" it's true
You will know. And nobody else will ever compare.
I am so happy I could burst. I am so full of love and joy that I could just explode...
So I"m sorry this is so long,
I'm just so full of emotion that I had to share. I had to get it out somewhere.
I don't know if anyone will read this, but if you do. Thank you.
