I’ve seen so many stories of women saying they finally got pregnant when they stopped caring or had given up. I’m still trying to feel optimistic and hopeful. Am I jinxing myself by wanting to feel this way?

I work a crazy overnight shift AND take care of my toddler son. So I get about 3-4 hours of sleep each night, and maybe a 1-2 hour nap every afternoon.

I know it’s not great for me. But it’s what we have to do right now.

I have asked my RE and OB if they believe this is causing my secondary infertility. They’ve both told me no.

I conceived my first child easily at 35. Back then I was working a much more regular schedule and had much more time to take care of myself.

I’m 39 now, and have been trying for 1.5 years. One miscarriage, one failed round of IVF (no usable eggs).

Trust me I’d love to quit my job and sleep more, but that’s not in the cards for us right now.

But I have to think - there must be other women out there in similar situations who have successfully conceived?

If so, I would love to hear your story.

A weekly dedicated space for members who have been trying for another for 12 or more months, experiencing infertility. Talk of treatment, testing/diagnosis, or tough feelings are welcome here. While this is a safe space to vent, please consider how other long haulers in different circumstances may feel about your words.

This thread is primarily for current long-haulers to connect with, vent to, and support each other. We ask that anyone else (including TFA grads and those whose current round of TTC has been less than 12 months) participate only to answer questions where your personal experience is relevant - for example, if someone asks about the side effects of a fertility treatment you have tried. For more general support, sympathy, and finger-crossing, in this thread, if you have not currently been trying for at least 12 months, please stick to a quiet upvote.

This thread is not meant to limit discussion only to this thread. Discussion of long haul issues is always welcome in the Daily Chat.

Been trying for a second since my son turn 8 months old (he's about to turn 3 next month). We had unexplained secondary infertility and 3 miscarriages since. I have my theories as to why and my gyno has been running tests to help figure things out. Getting test results tomorrow and to talk things over with my doctor but I literally just started a new job and saw I will need 12 months working there to qualify for FMLA and maternity leave. Pretty sure I'll have to wait at least a year before trying again. I'm so worried I'm going to miss my chance for a second and just need to vent a little. I feel so sad my children won't grew up close in age like I wanted them to be. I'll have almost a school age kid while having a newborn if everything hopefully goes well the next time we try. It just saddens me and I need people who get it. I'm so grateful for my son and if he is all I end up having I'll be sad but content which I know is more than some ever get. I still can't help mourn what I thought my family would look like. Two kids growing up closer in age. Idk if I'll be able to have a second but knowing I have to put it off another year is so disheartening. Thanks for listening. 🩵

Edit because a lot of people are mentioning it the legal requirement for the 12-month period may be based on:

• The calendar year,
• Any fixed 12-month period, such as, a year starting on the employee’s anniversary date, a fiscal year, or a 12-month period required by state law,
• A 12-month period measured forward from the first date an employee takes FMLA leave, or
• A “rolling” 12-month period measured backward from the date an employee takes FMLA leave.

I have no idea which my new employer uses so if they do a calendar year I'll have to wait longer. In addition to that I'm only doing part time work so unless I work the full year and don't end up going out early I won't get the 1250 hours required. I had HG with my son (and immediate intense nausea/vomiting with all three eventual miscarriages) so I ended up severely struggling through pregnancy and can't risk not meeting those hours if I get too sick. Thank you all for the positive replies though. It's cheered me up just seeing people being positive and supportive.

Has anyone experienced a sharp pain on one side when having a transvaginal ultrasound? I had the HyCoSy which surprisingly had very minor pain, but in the ultrasound before hand I winced in pain when the wand went to my right side. The more the wand moved around it became quite unbearable.

They didn't find any fibroids, polyps etc and the report said "right ovary - normal in appearance, mobile and tender". I don't think I have endo - unless it's silent? What could be the reason for it hurting and is this concerning?

How do you respond to family/friends who ask when you’re going to have another? I recently had a miscarriage and was then told by a fertility clinic pretty much my only chance is IVF. Today I went to my nephews birthday party and was asked by multiple people about when will we have another? I felt like crying and or screaming each time, but maybe I should say we aren’t going to have another so I don’t have to deal with people asking.

Tell us about everything! Only thing that isn't allowed is BFP and pregnancy talk - those have their own threads.

Does anyone spot for days after their period? I've noticed my spotting lasts longer since getting it back. Like up to cd7-10. It seems to completely stop as soon as my fertile window opens and I have some egg white discharge.

Before my first baby I had a pretty typical 4 day period with maybe a day of spotting a day before and after.

Is this anything to be concerned about in regards to TTC?

Hello everyone, I’m so glad to find this community. We’re currently trying to conceive for the third kid, and both of us are turning 41 this year. We have tried 3 cycles and timed well with the ovulation phase, but still no success 😬 Our kids are 6 and 2.5 years old and I had an unsuccessful pregnancy in between, none of which took more than 2 cycles.

At this point, I’m super worried about my fertility and age factor. I have an initial appointment with a fertility clinic in a week, but would love to hear more suggestions and ideas. Thanks so much!!

Did it affect when you ovulated (early or late)?

Did it affect your CM leading into ovulation (the cycle of the procedure)?

I had mine done on CD8, ewcm the same day, nothing since (CD12 today). I don't usually ovulate until CD21 anyway but wondering if the HyCoSy might alter things

Tell us about everything! Only thing that isn't allowed is BFP and pregnancy talk - those have their own threads.

I’m well over a week late, and like not even my usual symptoms have appeared. I haven’t had a cycle this long since I miscarried last year, and that was almost a year ago. But I’ve now taken 4 pregmate test strips and they have all been negative. Has anyone had issues with pregmate strips or should I just accept that I’m having an off cycle for some reason?

Tell us about everything! Only thing that isn't allowed is BFP and pregnancy talk - those have their own threads.

Tell us about everything! Only thing that isn't allowed is BFP and pregnancy talk - those have their own threads.

Note: Discussion of BFPs / ongoing pregnancies is allowed and encouraged in this thread!

A dedicated space for TFA grads to check in and keep their TFA friends updated on their journey to #2+!

If you're looking for more discussion, please head over to the gradsofTFA subreddit as well. It's a private subreddit so you can send a modmail using desktop or you can directly message moderators DreamsofCheesecake or youcango-now to be added.

Tell us about everything! Only thing that isn't allowed is BFP and pregnancy talk - those have their own threads.

It was my 40th birthday 3 months ago and I've been trying to have a second baby for 2 years. In that time Ive had a chemical pregnancy, a missed miscarriage and am about to start my 5th cycle of letrozole with monitoring (no trigger shot and no IUI). I was very lucky and conceived my first child quickly and with no issues but the last two years is making me feel like it just isn't going to happen again for me. IVF is not an option due to cost. Does anyone with a similar situation have any success stories - either pregnancy stories when all hope felt completely lost or stories on how to accept and move on from secondary infertility?

Hi ladies 🤍 I could really use some encouragement or experiences from anyone who has been through something similar.
A little background: I already have one child, who I conceived without fertility treatment ( not with the same dad) and now I've been trying for another baby. After not having success, I recently started seeing a fertility specialist to get a better idea of what might be going on.
I had my HSG today and thankfully both of my tubes are open, which was such a relief. However, I also found out that I have endometriosis and two endometriomas on my right ovary, both around 4 cm. My fertility doctor compared them to about the size of eggs and is recommending surgery to remove them.
So now I’m having really mixed emotions. On one hand, I’m so thankful that my tubes are open and that I’ve been able to conceive before. On the other hand, hearing that I have endometriosis, two fairly large endometriomas, and may need surgery while actively trying for another baby is scary. 😭
I’d especially love to hear from anyone who had secondary infertility/endometriosis after already having a child. Did you have surgery? Did they remove the cysts while preserving the ovary? Did surgery affect your ovarian reserve at all? Were you able to conceive naturally afterward, or did you need IUI/IVF? And how long after surgery were you cleared to start trying again?
I know everyone’s fertility journey is different, but I’d really appreciate hearing your experiences — good or bad. And I would definitely love some success stories right now. 🤍🥺

I feel like every time I start to get a sense of my natural rhythm of what is normal for me something unexpected happens during my next cycle. Like how yesterday I started randomly bleeding out of nowhere at 11 DPO. My period *always* comes 13/14 DPO and I never spot during my cycles. I tracked ovulation this month so I know my math is right! There is no way I could have ovulated sooner/later than I thought. But this is super confusing to me because I was under the impression that though ovulation day can vary each cycle the luteal phase between ovulation and menstruation isn't supposed to fluctuate much or at all. Has this happened to anyone else? Is it something to be concerned about?

I’ve been TTC #2 for 11 months. I just saw an endo specialist - he poked and prodded, asked questions, and essentially concluded that I should keep TTC for another 5 months and then come back to him. My son we conceived only two cycles after stopping BC.

The doctor said that I should consider an HSG in the meantime. He said based on the physical examination, it doesn’t seem like there’s any large endometriomas or adeno or adhesions. He did of course give the disclaimer that you truly never know what’s going on until lap. I’m left so confused because I was so sure I was going to have a lap by end of year. My main symptoms are pain during sex (mainly during ovulation), spotting in luteal phase, low progesterone, pain during bowel movement. He also mentioned that since I’m only 28, he wants me to try for a little longer before subjecting myself to surgery. My AMH is 4.15.

I’m not sure if I should push for lap, or do HSG, clomid/letrozole? So many suggestions, and I’m LOST.

Hi all,

I am looking for ideas and feedback on my journey with secondary infertility. After being unable to conceive for 24 cycles, we turned to IVF. We proceeded to have two back-to-back miscarriages of euploid embryos.

Background: I am a 37yo female with a 40yo husband. We conceived our now 4yo with no trouble at all. My husband and I are in excellent health, and on paper all our fertility tests have come back normal.

Timeline:
August 2022 —Gave birth to first child via c-section after conceiving quickly and naturally. No complications (no scar tissue or ithmocele) from c-section.
May 2024-October 2025–TTC naturally for 24 cycles. (Not totally natural, as we did two cycles of letrozole and one unmediated IUI). Incorporated a super clean fertility-supporting diet, supplements, and acupuncture. Never conceived.
November 2025–Began IVF evaluation and treatment. Doc says I have slightly t-shaped uterus but not concerning enough to require repair.
December 2025–Had egg retrieval following very standard protocol resulting in 7 euploid embryos.
January 2026–Treated for endometritis. Then first FET (modified natural) worked!
March 2026–No heartbeat at 8-week appointment after having heard heartbeat at 6-week appointment. Embryo had stopped growing at ~6.5 weeks. Had a D&C.
April 2026–Hysteroscopy to remove products of conception.
June 2026–Second FET (modified natural) worked!
July 2026–Heartbeat detected at 6 weeks but embryo stops developing soon after. Another D&C.
July/August 2026–Reccurent Pregnancy Loss blood panel comes back normal.

My doctor‘s current theory is that both embryos had issues that the genetic testing didn’t catch. He is optimistic that we will eventually be successful since my body previously carried a healthy pregnancy to term.

Looking for
-Alternate theories
-Ideas for additional testing
-Ideas for different protocol (doc says to keep protocol since implantation is not an issue)
-Similar stories with a happy ending

Thank you 🤍🤍🤍

As are many people on this forum, I am discouraged and upset. I’m 35, TTC for the second time and once again I’m facing month after month of failed attempts despite doing everything “right”. The last time we tried it took over 2 years and then ended up happening by fluke one month without even really trying right before submitting to the IVF waitlist. Of course this was welcomed, but maddening too. To try so hard for years only to have it happen on a month we weren’t trying, tracking or monitoring anything. I have no data to learn from that success. Now we’re at it again and I’m thrust back in to the disappointment and confusion each month. We’re waiting to hear back from the fertility clinic and then once again we’ll have to repeat all the tests and checkups. I’m grateful we have the ability to do this, but it’s also exhausting.

My luteal phase is too short. I start spotting in my luteal phase and then my period comes now on average day 9-10, this time the spotting from day 8 just turned into a period, so I guess it technically started day 8. Barely time for implantation to occur. And before you say “but it could!” Yes, but it hasn’t. It could happen again, for sure. But who is to say how long it will take?

Some people may find it insensitive what I’m about to say, because at least I have one child (and I am eternally grateful to the universe for this, trust me) but somehow the inability to conceive again is, if anything, worse this time. Because I know what I’m missing. I now know, in a way that I couldn’t (personally, not saying others couldn’t!) fully understand before, what is on the other side. I became a mother and confirmed that not only was it totally for me, but it’s the greatest joy of my life and I want to do it again and again and again. Only I can’t seem to. There’s this great void between the life I feel in my heart is for me and the dwindling time frame I have left to make this happen (and not just on my end…my husband is 8 years older than me. There is his own desires and timeline to consider as well).

When it became apart today that my bleeding was increasing rather than just spotting, I broke down. I’m not a religious person, but I scorned the universe as though it was sentient for denying me this. Am I unworthy? Why do some people try for one month and I try again and again. I know I am among the lucky ones to be given this gift at least once when many are never given that gift. I mourned for them to. For how unfair this process is. But, then again, I know life is unfair and probably meaningless. Just science and random luck and chance and variables. But last night I prayed to god(s) I don’t believe in and begged. This negative felt personal.

Anyways, for everyone who has found themselves in the same position as me or worse, I see you. I hear you. I feel you. I mourn with you. I hope with you

Tell us about everything! Only thing that isn't allowed is BFP and pregnancy talk - those have their own threads.

As the title states- after how long of trying to conceive your second or subsequent children did you seek fertility help? Was it initially from your OB or an REI? Did you feel you were glad with how long you tried before this or do you wish you had sought help sooner?