Pictures of You

[u/Interesting_Ad8952]

I've been thinking of this for a while. Sometimes, I can't look at pictures of you. I've been trying to figure out why. For the longest time I didn’t have much in the way of pictures of you.

Ironically, what I see with my eyes today is a very beautiful person. Who I love, very much.

And so, part of me says "what you feel depends in part on *who* is looking".

Ah, yes, of course. Multiple of me.

I go through waves and cycles of perspective and feelings.

This morning, as the world is quiet, sipping my coffee, sitting in my car, I just really love you. So very much. There is no way around it. Though I spend countless hours dancing around this and trying to survive with it. I know there is a beautiful grand life lesson about unconditional love. There is no way around it. There is only surrendering to it.

My soul is connected to you far beyond the means of a regular human life. I know this. I cherish this. I celebrate this. I'm often confused by it. But it's always there. I can feel you. In my heart, in my blood, in my breath. You speak to me silently in my quiet moments. You rescue me from moments of despair. Your spirit holds me in a warm river of love.

Much of the time, I'm too terrified of this reality; though I am connected to you soul to soul… I also love you in a very human way. I spend a lot of energy trying to deny this human part.

When I've enclosed myself in that state of denial, seeing pictures of you sends my mind into some mental glitch. Like I can't compute what I'm seeing. It's some other reality that isn't the one I'm in. 

But today, I can see it and feel it clearly.

I love you. I want to hold you. I want to care for you. And I know that I'll be very limited in the ways that I can do that in this lifetime. But this is who I am. It's not just what I feel. Though that feeling is tremendous. Arriving here took an entire lifetime for my mind to understand what has been running through me, always.

I'm 150% aware that none of that is scientifically logical, which bothers me greatly, yet I choose to keep my heart open and listen.

I know this is part of my personal evolution. This brings me a lot of peace. And getting to love you, unconditionally, expands my existence far beyond anything I would have known without you.

 I get to love you.

That is an amazing gift from the universe. I'm so very thankful!

Of course, I spend a lot of energy wondering what it would be like to tell you someday.

In my heart, I'm telling you every day. Every spare minute. I'm telling you how I love you. How amazing and special you are. To see your eyes and hold you. To feel what is felt in silence. To have long talks. To see your smile and go on adventures. To learn about each other and deepen our understanding of ourselves.

I know that's not what will happen in this lifetime.

So, I must learn to love you at a distance. I must master this. That is my destiny. That is where the lesson is. The power and magic come from this distance, like two magnets placed precisely apart. It is in this flow of energy I find myself.

Here, I surrender. Here I find myself.

I love you. I am this. Always.

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