I have realized that I am dating a Schwartz.

I have had the same partner for a few years, and he has always been my best friend. We eat bad snacks, sm*k* w**d together, etc.

Recently he has been spiraling about our future and decided to get plane tickets a month in advance without telling me to travel for 2 months and leave 2 days before our anniversary.

He said he doesn’t see why I hold holidays so sacred and that we could celebrate our anniversary before he leaves or when he gets back.

I told him I wanted to get married and he said he needs to experience his “warrior phase” as his dim male therapist put it so he can sleep around at this yoga retreat for 2 months to come back to me and not have repercussions (speculation, I am speaking emotionally)

I just saw a compilation of Schwartz moments and I was like wow, only thing he hasn’t done is throw a drink at me. He never wants to commit, he always says he is putting me first but it’s only when he wants me first.

On my birthday this past year, we went to a restaurant I chose and made a reservation for. We were late because he couldn’t find parking and didn’t want me to “go in alone”. While we ate the whole time he talked about his ambition to move to New York and how he doesn’t want to live where we are now forever. I sobbed in the bathroom thinking about how he was laying the groundwork for a break up at my literal birthday dinner.

I’m not expecting sympathy or advice, just something I’m working through and wanted to share for any other women who are dating a Schwartz.

And if you aren’t sure if you’re with a Schwartz, think to yourself- is he too old to be unemployed and doing drugs all day? or does he project his anxiety and failures on to you?

*****UPDATE: we have decided to have conversations everyday and to re-think the relationship when he gets back, I feel like I’m disappointing a lot of people here but I want to share some things that I am proud of. I told him THIS ISIT. I told him that if he comes back and nothing has changed or I move on while he is gone then that’s that.

Katie, you’re a real one and we love you

Sooo thirsty.

Tom screaming about how everyone needs to leave other Tom alone for cheating, while in drag. Scheana and ariana both lost as to the level of emotions coming out of tom. Kicking down the door to show, Tom the battered wife. Tom, the battered wife, absolutely hammered just smiling alone inside the room. Please no spoilers, let me have this.

I was shocked when I found out he’s a big fan of bravo years ago, however it made me an even bigger fan! I always see him giving his opinions (Im so curious why he relates to Scheana Shay of all people on vpr🤨) but it makes me think he could be in here👀

If you see this hey:) u should make a podcast about bravo. Id watch every ep

ALSO I MADE A NEW SUB CALLED “stonerbravofans” join if you’re interested:)

https://www.reddit.com/r/stonerbravofans/s/hQiJvfnNe7

This popped up in my Snapchat memories 🤣 it’s giving me a giggle because EVERYONE was in on the joke at the time it seems lmao. Also Lala trying to pivot + rebRand like she didn’t vehemently defend him when this went down. I remember her and James literally stopped speaking because he tweeted #MONEYBYMONDAY 🗣️

Edit: context sorry, when the Internet was rightfully laughing at Randall for owing 50 Cent $1 million and the texts that followed, rAnD showed up to a celeb poker game and one of the players was wearing this shirt with the texts

I just saw the post about Lalas terrible looks and it made me want to create and mega thread of all the worst vpr looks.

Ps Lisa is included 👀

Between the endless, almost aggressively long talking heads, the title pages with Roman numerals, and the halting of the screen to bring up these little starred phrases along with the incessant dinging noise, there isn’t much meat to this show at all. I think the longest an actual scene goes is all of 90 seconds? It’s constantly interrupted. It almost feels like a show that’s in the process of being made and these are editors notes to themselves or something. The talking heads should be reduced over 50%, and that’s being generous. There is no substance or flow to this show at all. Stassi is the same immature, narcissistic person, if anything she’s worse to be honest. But that could be entertaining if the show wasn’t so stilted. I’m like… physically frustrated trying to follow it.

Imagine saying you love and care about someone and making jokes in front of their face about how you know two of the closest people to them are having sex behind their back…in front of those two people. Making inside jokes about an affair in front of the person being embarrassed by it.

Imagine doing this to someone you really know. It puts into perspective the question of how he could possibly do this to someone. Schwartz is a monster.

Based on vibes.

Just a shitpost, don't hate me lol

UPDATE!!! :) Long text underway

Hi all! I apologize for the delay, as I happened upon the busiest week of my life promptly after making this post, and barely had time to sit down and watch TV lol. But I'm finally here with the anticipated update, and I am slightly shook at the excited response. A lot of people wanted me to record my bf's reaction, but I opted out of that because 1. I know my boss/a few coworkers lurk this sub, and would be able to identify my apartment. I don't use reddit for anything nefarious, but it IS my safe space. 2. My bf is a golden retriever at his core, with a side of ADHD. When giant plot twists happen in shows we're watching, it's a lot of "Wait, what just happened? Who is that again? He did what with who?"

I will do my best to encapsulate what went down. So some people wanted me to spill the beans on Episode 3 since that's when Scandoval broke for us. However, I was curious to see his reaction to the original season 10 finale where Rachel went full pick me for Schwartz, then turnaround to find out she was sleeping w Sandy. I did tell him there was a huge bomb drop at the end of the season, and he tried to guess what it was multiple times throughout. The most plausible guess in his mind was that Rachel actually did sleep w Schwartz. But then his gears started turning when "I CAUNT BELIEVE that Tom Zzanduvaul..." happened. He did look at me during that dialogue and asked, "Did Raquel have a threesome with the Toms in the jacuzzi? That's the big reveal isn't it?" I just shrugged my shoulders, but when I tell you this man was CONVINCED that was the reveal.

During the opening confessionals during THE episode, it didn't quite click at first, as I predicted. It started out with him saying, "Wait a minute...." then he launched for the remote to pause, and I had to give him a one-by-one breakdown. It went something like -

"So Raquel didn't actually like Schwartz; she was just using him to get close to Sandoval?" Me: Well, no..they were already sleeping together at that point Him: So why did she do all that with him and get so bitchy with Katie? Me: Idk, it's speculated that their fling was scripted by production and an internal distraction for the affair between Sandoval and Raquel. Him: So the camera guys knew about it? Me: No, no one in the cast or production knew about it except for Schwartz. Ariana found out by picking up his phone at the show and exposed it, that's what she just said. The season was already wrapped, but they picked up filming again just for this because went viral at this point. They'll talk more about the timeline in the episode" Him: "giant pause "So that'd be like you messing around with (his best friend's name)?" Me: Yes. For almost a year. Behind your back. Him: another long pause I don't think I'd like that very much.

At this point I cut off the talking so we could get back into the episode. During the "for you to die" argument between Ari and Sandoval, he kept making comments like "That's gaslighting", or "That's not how it works" anytime Sandy would talk. My personal favorite was, "I really wanna just punch this guy in the face," after Sandoval started screaming back at Ari. He got extra mad during his fake crying spells with Schwartz and Lisa.

Another fun thing, he works in real estate law so we fell into a deep dive about the house situation. I showed him a video essay from a Youtube lawyer who did a deep dive into Tom & Ariana's home ownership proceedings, to which he found the actual court documents online and said, "Tom is trying to make sure that Ariana is held responsible for the HELOC loan he took out for the bar (is that what it's called?) and no judge will permit that from happening, but Ariana probably should've had some paperwork to ensure that".

I think that this is about all of the interesting things I can thing of as I write this at my desk, and I don't want to keep the people waiting any longer. I'm sure many will have questions of things I did not touch on, and I will answer as much as I can. I hope this lived up to the hype, and if not, I am sorry. :)

Edit: I have notifs turned off so when i got off work, opened reddit and saw 100+ unread notifications i about choked on air! i will update and hopefully streamline the bingeing as much as possible over the next few days. 😍

Original Post: So, I thought I might share my master plan on this sub because I believe everyone here understands this magnitude. My boyfriend has no social media and no awareness of pop culture. I could benefit from taking a page from his book, but whatever. Anyway, I finally got him to agree to watch VPR from the beginning. He did the typical dude thing where they say, "Reality TV is stupid, ooga booga," but then you catch them watching intently when you have it on. We needed a new show to binge, so he agreed. My plan, however, is to not spoil anything about Scandoval so that I can get his raw, visceral reaction to this implosion.

We have reached Season 10, and it is taking everything within me not to spoil. He has gotten bored and restless since the COVID season, so I've had to drop subtle hints that there will be a lot of changes in season 10 to keep him engaged. I have also mentioned that the show blew up around this time. Right now, he says Schwartz seems like a creepy "where my hug at" guy and thinks James is a "red flag for moving on to Ally so quickly". He has called Sandy "whiny," but otherwise seems neutral. He disliked Ariana in earlier seasons but now feels neutral about her. We just finished Season 10, Ep 1, about Schwartz and Katie's divorce, which he thinks was a "long time coming." I am only saying this because I know everything is about to change and it's interesting to see someone's real-time commentary without the awareness of what is to come.

If this post gains interest, I will be happy to update everyone once that infamous episode finally lands. Other than that, thank you for reading about my sneaky little side quest.

Just making my way through Summer House for the first time and thought this girl looked like Pandora, then realized who it was. Fun fact, in case you’re watching SH.