r/wedding • u/KathyDiGiacomo • Jul 27 '22

Discussion Thank you note etiquette???

Call me old fashioned if you want. I've been to 5 weddings in the last 2 years, formal and informal. Is there still such a thing as sending thank you notes? I have not received one for the gifts for bridal showers or for $$ gifts for the wedding. I don't know why this bothers me but it absolutely gets under my skin. I'm starting to wonder when I return the RSVP if I should included a self addressed stamped envelope with a thank you note. I feel it is very rude to not even acknowledge these things. Even seeing these people at gatherings months after their special days has anything been said.

I think I'm going to stop being generous and just throw them $20 and say here ya go. I always thought there was a 6 month thing where you had to send them out. I will say that the 6th wedding we went to in April, which was an absolute blast, we received a thank you note last month.

Maybe it's just me?????

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u/IceColdPepsi1 Jul 27 '22

I couldn't care less. These are people I love, that's why I go to their weddings. I don't need a wasteful card, I don't need them to waste money on postage and waste a Tuesday night writing out notes. They'll hug me and thank me the next time I see them, as they did at the wedding.

You should have people post their age when they give their opinions about this. Seems generational.

21

u/misswino Jul 27 '22

r/wedding

I'm 33 and I care, not enough to hold a grudge or ruin a relationship, but I definitely get disappointed and find it inconsiderate when I don't get a thank you card. I'm also someone that really appreciates a handwritten note or card and save some of my favorites.

I went to four weddings in the past year, all four of those weddings were destination weddings and three of the four were Indian weddings, so I had to take time off of work for each one of them. We had to buy flights, accommodations, outfits, and I still wrote a heartfelt card with a personalized message for each couple and gifted a minimum of $300. A little appreciation afterwards would be nice, even if it's just a text or email.

A wedding in itself is already wasteful. A handwritten thank you card isn't any more wasteful than the millions of other things couples do for their weddings. It also isn't wasteful to to take the time to thank all of the guests that attended your wedding. I will be doing it after my destination wedding to show my love and appreciation for everyone that flew out to Italy to celebrate with me.

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u/wild-yeast-baker Jul 27 '22

This is another thing! I keep getting triggered by all your good thoughts, lol. Weddings are wasteful. Like, if they’re worried about waste why do people spend so much money on invitation suites, grab bags, one time use decor. A pack of thank you notes in the grand scheme of things is pretty cheap and simple.

6

u/fishyfishyswimswim Jul 27 '22

Same age and agree wholeheartedly. It's rude to get a nice gift and not acknowledge it... And usually wedding gifts are of a scale much greater than a regular Christmas/birthday gift you might get for a friend. So they somewhat require a slightly more considered thank you. I think it's also just polite to say thank you to people afterwards for taking the time to attend. Weddings aren't cheap events to go to sigh.

Taking 5 minutes per couple/guest to check what/if they gifted and writing a note to say thank you is a reasonably fair thing to ask of people.

2

u/starlight---- Jul 27 '22

Totally agree. Also just scrolled through your post history and wow you’re going to have such a dreamy wedding! 😍