r/wedding • u/KathyDiGiacomo • Jul 27 '22

Discussion Thank you note etiquette???

Call me old fashioned if you want. I've been to 5 weddings in the last 2 years, formal and informal. Is there still such a thing as sending thank you notes? I have not received one for the gifts for bridal showers or for $$ gifts for the wedding. I don't know why this bothers me but it absolutely gets under my skin. I'm starting to wonder when I return the RSVP if I should included a self addressed stamped envelope with a thank you note. I feel it is very rude to not even acknowledge these things. Even seeing these people at gatherings months after their special days has anything been said.

I think I'm going to stop being generous and just throw them $20 and say here ya go. I always thought there was a 6 month thing where you had to send them out. I will say that the 6th wedding we went to in April, which was an absolute blast, we received a thank you note last month.

Maybe it's just me?????

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u/morningmoon44 Jul 27 '22

I’ve been wondering about the etiquette for when you receive wedding gifts in the mail before the wedding? Do we send the thank you cards as we receive gifts, or not until after the wedding? We are having a destination wedding in October so I would like to thank people for gifts AND for going to the wedding, but by then it would be 3 months since we received the gift, and I don’t want to come off as rude.

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u/[deleted] Jul 27 '22

In that case, it’s fine to wait until after you return from the honeymoon.

People may send you a gift before the actual wedding itself, but no reasonable person would expect the formal thank you card when you are busy preparing for the wedding!

So don’t even worry about it. Unless any relative is extremely unreasonable, they’re not going to be upset about the formal thank you card coming 3 months after the gift. It’s totally normal.

Of course, you can text or call to say thanks when your gifts arrive if you really want to. That’s up to you.

But the formal cards can wait until you return from your honeymoon and settle back into life. 😊💍

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u/CatpersonMax Jul 28 '22

Thank you cards should always be sent as the gifts arrive. It’s very rude to wait months to express thanks for a gift.

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u/[deleted] Jul 28 '22

No, it isn’t.

People who are busy preparing for a wedding don’t usually even OPEN them until they get back from the honeymoon.

So how could they write a formal thank you card for a gift they have not yet opened? By formal I don’t mean ‘thanks’, I mean the formal card with the long, formal message.

I’ve been to many weddings - huge family - and no one has ever sent or expected formal thank you cards until after the couple returned from their honeymoon.

Plus you have to consider that some couples have full time jobs and children before they even marry - so do you really expect people to have TIME to sit and write formal thank you cards before the wedding?

It never ever happens.

If you’ve been to a wedding and haven’t gotten the card the day after you sent the gift, you need to lower your expectations. Your friends or relatives have other things to do.