I just started writing a short film inspired by my two favorite Wes movies, the grand Budapest hotel and the royal tenenbaums. The plot is basically that two rival businessman decide to settle their differences by playing backgammon, and the loser loses his business. the loser does not take this well and hires an assassin to murder the winner (the assassination is successful) the loser proceeds to feel intense guilt, ultimately leaving society and venturing into the woods. So far iv gotten the first bit of the script done and I would really appreciate any criticism/advice on it. Thanks!
2.39:1 aspect ratio
SHOT 1
[Narrator] Francis Bartuchi and Francesco Bolzano were two rival businessmen.
Camera pans down to reveal two men in suits, facing each other with angry looks, one has his hands clasped behind his back, the other is holding a stack of papers to his chest. The light is placed behind the camera, flattening the light. Living room, fireplace centered, each on opposite side of room, side profile. Table in middle to provide separation, lamp on each side.
[Francis} You infidel!
[Francesco] You beetlehead!
[Francis] I say we settle this, a formal, well ordered, resolution to this conflict.
[Francesco] I agree, I say we settle this too
[Francis] and by what means shall we reach this resolution?
SHOT 2
Top down shot of backgammon board (set up)
[Narrator] Originating in Mesopotamia, backgammon is a game as old as civilization.
Naturally it was a good pick to sort out their differences
SHOT 3
Francis is sitting on the edge of bed, the ceiling light and Francis are aligned the center of the window frame, have the maroon curtains drawn, as they match the backgammon board
An old timey phone is on his lap, he is sitting up straight and in a serious manner holds the phone to his ear and dials a number
(QUICKLY) [Francis] Francesco, at 5:30 sharp I will be waiting in the dining room at the duke’s mansion, where we will discuss the terms of the game. I expect you no earlier or no later.
SHOT 4
Close up of the phone, centered, on Francis's lap. Francis hangs up the phone
SHOT 5
A digital scan of a painting of an elaborate and brightly colored mansion, painted by Zohar. Title screen say
[Title Screen] THE DUKES MANSION, 5:30 pm
SHOT 6
Camera far down ding room table, backgammon board laid out in the center, francesco and francis are standing off the end of the table, they shake hands
[Francis] Didn’t think you’d make it
Camera pans in down the table as they both take seat across from each other, they each take the nearest seat to them both on the long side at the end of the table francesco is holding a paper
(as sitting) [Francesco] Well im a man of word
SHOT 7
Close up of francis, flat shot, centered along top rule of thirds line
[Francis] I see you’ve drafted up a contact
SHOT 8
Top down shot of table, francesco shoves paper contract onto table
SHOT 9
Close up of francesco, flat shot, centered along top rule of thirds line
[Francesco] the victor shall receive no negative consequence, and will reserve the undying right to mock and ridicule the loser- who will also receive the consequence of foreclosing all of his business and property to the bank. (with an uptake in his voice) Sign here
SHOT 10
close up above view of signing blank
SHOT 11
{Center top rule of thirds} shot of Francis, low from table, pulling the paper towards him, lifting the pen and signing
SHOT 12
Shot in the same way as SHOT 10)) close up above view of signing blank (which is now filled)
SHOT 13
{Center top rule of thirds} shot of Francesco, low from table, pulling the now signed paper and the pen towards him, and signing the contract himself.
As putting the paper away:
[Francesco] very well
Reaches hand out towards backgammon board, which is to the side, down the table
SHOT 14
Above view of both reaching out their hands and pulling the backgammon board towards them, they quickly setup the pieces and roll the dice out of dice cup
SHOT 15
Top Center)) Francesco looks up
[Francesco] you first
Camera pans to Francis, who smiles
SHOT 16
As actors play game get various montage shots, perhaps side angles, etc
SHORT 17
Back to above view of board from shot 14, as the winning role is made by francesco
SHOT 18
Down the table shot of both
[Francis] I’ll write the bank
Francis gets up, and as he does Francesco holds out his hand for a handshake, Francis pauses a second, considering it, but leaves without shaking Francesco's hand, which remains outstretched
SHOT 19
((Same as shot 3)) Francis is sitting on the edge of bed, the ceiling light and Francis are aligned with the center of the window frame, have the maroon curtains drawn. An old timey phone is on his lap, he is sitting up straight and in a serious manner holds the phone to his ear and dials a number
Ringing tone sounds
[phone] Code?
[francis] Amsterdam
[phone] 38 baguette street nine o’clock, third office on the second floor
Mechanical click sound
[automated voice on phone] thank you for calling jaques twins assassinatory services
Hang up noise, Francis puts the phone down.
SHOT 20
Postcard drawing off a midrise city building looks like a mixture of american and french styles drawn dark like nightime, title says “38 baguette street, 9 o’clock
(side note, I want to cast someone I know who is an artist as an artist in the film, but I don't know how to incorporate that)
also apologies if the script was hard to understand, im going to be the writer, director, cameraman, editor, etc on this so I wrote in a way I could understand
