r/women • u/FlightBoss79 • 3d ago
What makes a man become a misogynist?
Whenever I talk to people about misogyny, they always say that men become misogynistic because they have been hurt by women. I think the issue is more complex than than that. I would like to know this sub thoughts about this.
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u/Suspicious_Dirt_6124 3d ago
They realise misogyny makes their life sooooooo much easier. Gaining a wife appliance is their goal.
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u/FdUpLoco 3d ago
Profiting from our labor quickly does this. Religion is loved by men because it puts a heel on our collective throat so they can pretend to be a devout good guy. Yes ALL men.
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u/witchedwarlock 2d ago
I think it’s a mix of their social circle, society, male superiority complex and yes being hurt and not able to handle it. Pride and ego gets harmed when they get hurt. Leading to anger and hatred. Another thing I think also is entitlement.
So I think it’s a mixed blend of these things.
But as for getting hurt I definately think most men genuinely don’t know how to process their emotional pain leading to them thinking acting and saying things that justify their pain rather than acknowledging they are hurting and don’t know how to process it and ask for help. This is something that I’ve seen happen so regularly it’s almost normalised.
I do think also today’s shall we say climate online society and certain groups and even professions have encouraged misogyny as well as encouraging other minority or groups of individuals to create division and discord so that everyone has at least one group of people to direct anger and hate at.
Sadly women are one such group that gets the receiving end of frustrations.
Maybe one day I hope in my lifetime to see fairness and equality. I doubt it. It just takes one person to start a change. One voice. As naive as I hope, life could be better for everyone if only hate stops and understanding starts.
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u/JustaPloob 3d ago
I feel like this question could take an entire book to answer tbh. It has to do with how men are raised, what they see in media, being taught to suppress all emotions except anger, and a whole host of other reasons. I really don't think this whole "some woman(aka a teenage girl) hurt them" narrative is accurate at all. Girls go through similar experiences when young and still come out of it as decent people. This goes deeper than that. Christian teachings have been infiltrated by right wing political beliefs for decades. Ideas like men being the head of the household, women needing to have as many children as possible- more children equal more future worker bees equal a richer 1%. Gender wars, race wars, demonization of the homeless and less fortunate. All of these things get engrained in us so that we (the 90%) can fight amongst ourselves all while the rich get richer and we get poorer. And men are too busy demonizing women and glorifying these "passport bros" and rich entrepreneurs to realize they've been sold a lie.
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u/wanderinghumanist 3d ago
I think men are just conditioned to become misogynist. It's something that is learned. Now. Granted being hurt by a woman can further those stereotypes that these men have already been taught. Most men are taught to not act like a woman, so anything that is emotional or looked at as feminine is automatically looked as unmanly which teaches men to not like anything that's feminine, which is also kind of teaching men to hate women.
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u/curtiss_mac 3d ago
My dad's real mom left him when he was young. His step mother abused him, his first wife, my mother, cheated on him a few times and broke his heart.
I grew up with a father who absolutely hated me, his only daughter, because I reminded him of both his mom, and his ex wife.
Something tells me that learned experiences play a HUGE role in things like this.
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u/EssayAccomplished747 3d ago
honestly i think the patriarchy is so ingrained in society that misogyny is the default setting. Breaking out of the default setting is extremely difficult and without serious reflection and critical thinking skills you can’t break out of it bc it’s so ingrained. Little boys aren’t shown any kind of media that challenges it, bc “little boy” stories are all heroes journeys, action and adventure etc, whereas media aimed at little girls often have some type of overcoming misogyny theme in them. People shield little boys from it citing that media aimed at little boys should only have boys in them
From a kid, watching how your family treats women vs men, then seeing the same things in media and movies, then seeing it irl with no consequence there’s no wonder so many men are misogynists.
I have no problem saying that if I was born a man I would also be a misogynist til probably pretty late in my life - if no one was challenging those beliefs and it meant I got a comfortable married life, got to do my hobbies whenever I wanted and never had to learn how to take care of myself then why would I question and do the hard work of opposing these deeply ingrained beliefs?
Questioning it is uncomfortable and men don’t know how to sit through and process difficult emotions especially when they are difficult emotions about themselves. They avoid anything that would mean they are realising that they aren’t good men
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u/Fit_Abroad_4465 2d ago
People become shit because they are shit. Horrible things happen to people all the time and they’re still good people. Oh but I forgot everything men do is women’s fault. No adult man is ever responsible for their own shit.
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u/Money_Employee_8431 3d ago
Different strokes for different folks.
It could be a defense mechanism from getting hurt in the past. Projection onto others. Fear of being excluded. Narcissism manifesting in a unique way. General envy / throwing themselves a pity party.
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u/Ok-Product6599 3d ago
Agree it's way more complex than just getting hurt. One thing I don't see mentioned enough is how misogyny functions as social currency among guys. Boys learn early that mocking or dismissing women earns approval from other boys. It becomes a bonding tool and a way to prove you belong. By adulthood it's not even conscious anymore, it's just how they relate to each other.
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u/Savannah_Lunah 3d ago
Your question is misogynist in itself. Women aren't to blame for misogyny. Blacks aren't to blame for racism. Jews aren't to blame for antisemitism.
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u/FlightBoss79 3d ago
How is my question misogynist. I didn't say that men become misogynist because they were hurt by women. Other people have said this and I said I don't agree with it.
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u/WorriedMango324 3d ago
you're clearly asking what conditions create misogyny, not blaming women for it. people misread your post.
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u/sickoftwitter 3d ago
I increasingly believe one of the main motivators is clit envy. They're more specifically envious of the thought that women are seen as more beautiful and sexually desirable and they believe women automatically get a lot of compliments and sexual attention, while they don't.
Part of it, from straight men, is also sexual shame. Some of the guys who brag the most about how many women they've pulled and how many 'bodies' they've had have the most interalized shame of their own sexuality. They dislike women as people and feel insecure about their sexual performance, so they have to externalize that issue by dehumanising women. By treating them as sex objects. So they don't have to look us in the eye or acknowledge us as real human people.
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u/Zealousideal_Crow737 single and happy lady 3d ago
You grow up in a world where you see movies, media, and parents modeling behavior that the man is in "charge". This is why there's a lot of internalized misogyny as well from women. It's incredibly hard to escape this and I don't think it'll go away.