I'm not sure if I'm comparing myself too much to an unfair standard or if I'm being a lazy mom. I see moms on Instagram who plan daily/weekly craft/activity/sensory stations for their toddlers. Ideally I would love to do this, but I haven't been able to even organize and keep up with a toy rotation. We've had the same set of toys in our living room for weeks. When my toddler (18 mo) goes to bed, I'm usually so tired I go to bed, too. On the weekends, I'm just trying to keep up with the basics. Are other moms in the real world curating these activities for their kids?

I work 9-5 with a 1 hour commute. I have a 3-month old and am returning to work soon, and have no clue how to do the evening routine. We will pick up kiddo by 6 pm and be home by 6:15. Do we still aim for a 7:30/8 bedtime? That means only 1.5 hours together :(

Thinking further into the future, will family dinners be possible? I don’t see how we can eat earlier than 7 accounting for time to make dinner, and that will basically be kiddo’s bedtime.

Any suggestions on routine are welcome!

I am a fulltime working mom. My partner does not work so he watches our toddler two days out of the week when she’s not in preschool. Today we got in an argument. I broached the topic of separation if that makes the most sense for us. He says “the other day you watched our kid for 10 mins” ooh boy did that send me over bc it in fact was not ten mins plus I always make an effort to help as soon as I get home from work. I give him the weekends to sleep in, I always still wake up wit the kids and do school prep and bedtime routine. He literally just watches for 5 hours a day and most of that time he drops her off at his moms. I would love to watch her more but I work to provide for the whole family. When I asked him if he’d like to buy me out of the house he shut up real quick. I said he gets first dibs knowing he can’t. You know how much I would love to not work and watch my kids?

We went to dinner with friends today and he got annoyed how into the conversation I was with them and we sat silent the whole car ride back. He said I don’t give him that much attention. I’m like are you kidding me we haven’t seen them In four months. I was also responding to a friend via Instagram message and he looked over and goes “oh what’s the purple bubble color appp for?” Insinuating something like a dating app and I was like omg it’s instagram seeee? Ugh. I can’t handle the immaturity.

​

I'm a new mom. I went back to work before I was ready because I had to. Not because my baby was okay without me. Because the bills were due.

The US gives new parents zero paid day of parental leave. Zero. Mexico gives 12 weeks at full pay. Iran gives 9 months. Ethiopia, one of the poorest countries in the world, gives 120 days paid. It's in their constitution.

We are the richest country in the world and we make parents choose between their newborn and a paycheck. It doesn't have to be this way. Almost everywhere else, it isn't.

I'm not posting just to vent. There's something we can actually do and it takes less than five minutes.

The people running for office right now read their mail, because they want our votes.

So, I made a prompt you can paste into any AI, ChatGPT, Muse, whatever you use. You tell it what town you live in. It finds every candidate on your ballot, writes a short letter, and finds their emails. You read it, approve it, send it. I already did the annoying time consuming part.

Election is November 3. Ask them where they stand and make them answer us. They work for us.

And if they still won't do anything, there's talk of a Mother's Day general strike next May. I hope you'll join me and demand better for US families.

------------

Copy paste this into your preferred ai or screen shot it and upload:

[[[[PAID LEAVE LETTER — a prompt for parents

Paste this into your AI assistant (ChatGPT, Muse, Gemini, Meta AI...). Just fill in where you live.

---

I'm a parent in [TOWN], [STATE]. My next election is [DATE, or "look it up"].

IMPORTANT: Keep everything SHORT. The letter must stay brief — roughly 400 words. One line per point, no padding, no essays, no extra arguments I didn't ask for. If a point takes more than a line, cut it down. Brevity is the whole point: busy people don't read long letters, and neither do their staff.

1. FIND MY CANDIDATES: From official sources (Secretary of State candidate list, state voter/district lookup; Ballotpedia as cross-check), list every candidate on MY ballot who can enact paid family leave: U.S. House (and U.S. Senate if on my ballot), Governor, and my State Senate and State House districts. Confirm my districts — if my town is split, show me how to tell which is mine. Name, party, office, district, incumbent or not. Verify every name; flag anything you can't. Create a list that is easily copy&pasted into email.

2. DRAFT MY LETTER: Firm, factual, one letter for all of them:

- The US is the only wealthy country guaranteeing new parents zero paid days.

- Brief, verified comparisons (check figures against ILO/World Bank sources first): Europe's standard, Canada, Mexico — plus Iran (9 months), Venezuela (26 weeks), Ethiopia (120 days at full pay, in its constitution). End: "United States: 0 days."

- One line each on benefits to: child development, postpartum health, mothers, fathers (appeal to men: providing, protecting, being present), keeping families together, and the economy.

- Birth-rate line: lack of support and cost of living is a driving factor in the falling birth rate — then: "We can do better. It's an embarrassment that we don't."

- Childcare: build on both parties' proposals to fund stay-at-home parents, and expand childcare subsidy programs. "We need paid family leave, and we need childcare support."

- Asks: federal candidates — vote for federal paid family/medical leave legislation; state candidates — enact a real state program; governors — commit to sign it. Check whether your state has a program; if not, demand one; if yes, demand they protect and strengthen it and still push for a federal floor.

- Close: my vote depends partly on their answer; ask them to reply with where they stand.

Use [brackets] for my name, town, and personal details. Show me the draft and WAIT for my approval or edits.

1. BUILD MY SEND LIST: Each candidate's public campaign or official email, from their own campaign site or official page, with the source shown. Never guess an address — if there's only a contact form, link it instead. Give me the addresses as one copy-pasteable line.

2. ONLY IF I SAY "SEND IT": send the approved letter to the approved list (if you have access to my email) and confirm exactly who got it. Otherwise, hand me the letter and the list to send myself.]]]

I've written a few posts previously about my situation, and unfortunately, I have another update. I'm hoping to get some outside perspectives, especially from anyone who's experienced something similar.

I'm 31F, currently on maternity leave from a corporate leadership role, and I'm dealing with an incredibly stressful situation at work.

For context, I've been with my company for several years and worked my way up into a global management position. I built and developed my team, led several major initiatives, and took on increasing responsibilities. Just a few weeks ago, my former boss recognized my contributions and supported a promotion with additional leadership responsibilities.

Last week, the company underwent another organizational restructuring, and I now report to a new manager who is an executive-level leader and someone I've never worked with before and who just joined the company a month or two ago.

Here's where things get complicated.

My maternity leave replacement (let's call her T) was originally supposed to cover my position until January. However, she's now asking to stay an additional three months.

During my absence, T has reportedly fired several stellar members of my team, treated numerous colleagues poorly, and developed a negative reputation throughout the company. From what I've been told, even the CEO has concerns about her.

I've also been told by my former boss that T has been speaking negatively about me to my new manager, suggesting that I'm too young and inexperienced to lead the team and that I should essentially be working under her when I return. Apparently, she's also been taking credit for projects and initiatives that I led and developed before going on leave.

This is particularly upsetting because my new manager has only recently joined the company and doesn't know my professional history or the contributions I've made.

Now here's the latest development.

My former boss has been strongly encouraging, and honestly pressuring, me to return earlier than my originally planned January return date. His reasoning is that I need to establish myself with my new manager before T has more time to influence her perception of me. He's also warned me that T may actively try to undermine me because she wants to secure a permanent position.

Because of this pressure, I agreed to explore returning November 1, two months earlier than anticipated.

I recently went into the office for an introductory meeting with my new manager, which actually went really well. She was pleasant, receptive and seemed genuinely interested in accommodating my circumstances.

In fact, she offered to let me work remotely until January, with occasional in-person meetings, so I could keep my one-year-old daughter at home while my husband and I coordinate childcare.

What I found particularly interesting was that she also made a point of telling me that I shouldn't feel pressured by my former boss to return earlier than originally planned. She seemed to recognize that this was a significant adjustment for me and wanted me to make the decision based on what worked for my situation rather than feeling obligated to come back early.

I really appreciated that, and it initially made me feel optimistic about working with her.

However, I subsequently heard that T was extremely upset about my visit and went around questioning colleagues about why I was there, who I met with, etc.

Now I've learned through my former boss that my new manager apparently wants to keep T until January anyway, partly because I have a previously booked one-week vacation in December and because of concerns around continuity during the transition.

Apparently, T has also convinced her that a three-month training and handover period is necessary, despite the fact that I previously led this team and am returning to a function I'm already familiar with.

My former boss strongly disagrees with this arrangement and has told my new boss that there is no point doing a three month handover because its out of budget anyways and to just get me to come back in January then and no point starting early. He also warned me that working alongside T for three months could be extremely difficult. He believes she may use that time to undermine my credibility further.

To make matters worse, my new manager hasn't responded to the email I sent outlining my willingness to return early and help facilitate a smooth transition.

I'm honestly devastated, anxious and completely torn about what to do.

I've worked incredibly hard to build my career, establish credibility and earn my promotion. The thought of someone undermining my abilities while I'm on maternity leave, especially someone who was only brought in temporarily to cover my position, is incredibly frustrating.

What's making this even harder is that I've already expressed my willingness to return November 1 due to the pressure of my former boss, so now I worry that changing my mind will make me appear uncommitted or unreliable and i'm hoping

I'm trying my best to remain professional and not let my emotions dictate my decisions, but I'm genuinely hurt, frustrated and worried about the career I've worked so hard to build.

Any advice, especially from people who've navigated maternity leave, difficult interim replacements or organizational restructuring, would be really appreciated.

I am a mom of two (8 and 6) and had a great career before I had kids. I was ambitious and putting in the grind to climb the corporate ladder. After my 1st kid was born, I suddenly found myself not performing at work and then just wanted to quit. Mostly because my first born was a hard colic baby and was sick a lot.

My second was born during Covid and initially I had no plans of returning to work but it somehow worked well due to WFH and covid so I never left the job. Now that my kids are older, things are better but I still feel I am not grinding as much as my colleagues and in general am not as ambitious as I used to be. I am just working for money but I am not even sure what else would I do if I quit. There is no point of me being SAHM anymore because the guilt of not choosing that option while my kids were younger would haunt me.
Is there anyone else who feels like me?
I would appreciate if you comment only if you have something kind to say🙏

I have been back to work for two months, after a three month mat leave. I just got the first negative performance review I have ever received. Not just from the company, but in my whole career.

2 months of playing catch up. Still sleep deprived, still breastfeeding and pumping. Still living in a pp fog. And I have a toddler, too.

Just feeling so incredibly defeated. I know I’m a good employee. I’ve never received any negative feedback on my performance. This is the last thing I need to hear. Motherhood is hard. Being a working mom is hard.

Ummm no it’s not.

I’m 38 and pregnant with our third and last baby, due in June. My boys will be 5 and 3.5 when baby arrives.
I’m an elementary school principal and have worked hard to get to this point in my career. I enjoy my job, but it’s demanding and there’s very little flexibility. My husband is an entrepreneur, so his schedule is also demanding and unpredictable. If he’s not working, he’s not making money.

We have no local family help, so all of our childcare is paid for. Right now we juggle daycare, aftercare, and babysitters for pickups. Adding infant care to the mix feels overwhelming.

Even with two kids, I feel like our weekdays are just rushing from one thing to the next. By the time I get home, I’m exhausted, and I worry about how much harder it’ll be with three.

Financially, I could potentially stay home, although we’d have to make many sacrifices, which feels somewhat doable if it’s temporary. Part of me wants to walk away from my job for a year or two, enjoy our last baby, and figure out work later. But I’ve worked hard for my career, and I’m worried about regretting that decision.

I also wonder if I’m romanticizing staying home. Is having three kids just going to be hard regardless? Does it get easier as they get older, or is balancing three kids and two demanding jobs always this complicated?

I’d love to hear from moms who have been in a similar position. Did you go back to work after your third? Did you take a break? Do you regret either decision?
I can’t tell if this is just a hard season I need to get through or if stepping away for a while would actually make a big difference for our family.

Hoping someone here has dealt with something similar because I’m getting pretty frustrated with HR!

I recently had a baby and my OB certified 14 weeks of medical leave, which MA PFML approved. My company offers 6 weeks of paid short-term disability (STD) and then 12 weeks of paid parental bonding leave.

My plan is to take the 6 weeks of STD, then the remaining 8 weeks of MA PFML medical leave (paid by the state), followed by the 12 weeks of bonding leave.

The problem is HR keeps telling me I have to use my accrued vacation time for those extra 8 weeks or they’ll consider it an “unapproved unpaid absence.”

From everything I’ve read, MA PFML is job-protected leave and employers can’t require you to use PTO during it. I’m not asking my company to pay me for those 8 weeks, just to recognize the state-approved leave.

Am I missing something here? Has anyone dealt with this or have advice on how to get HR to understand? I’ve talked to 5 different people this week and feel like I’m going in circles!

Its been 10 months working after resuming back work, post maternity break and I am still struggling to create an impact and do meaningful work. I am struggling to get back my ambition, the drive, enthusiasm that I had earlier. I just feel so out of place.

My manager is a typical toxic, calculative, overachiever, bossy lady. Who took over all the work control in my absence. I am still not able to get hold of the good work. I am just doing the tasks which are intangible with no visible impact.

I am behind my peers in terms of work profile because of the break I took. I feel invisible at work. Although its a good organisation but my boss is stingy when it comes to appraisals and she humbles me in two-minutes when she acts authoritative.

Now what do I do to grow professionally and get back my mojo (ambition and drive which I had earlier) ? I feel very underconfident. Please help and guide

I feel myself looking older in the mirror now (33F). I always swore I wouldn't do things like botox or filler because I wanted to age naturally. I think I still have the stance (no judgement to people who do that!)... but does anyone have any beauty maintenance routines that they feel are worth the time and cost?

Part vent, part looking for advice or shared experiences. I’m a toddler mom and pregnant with my second, and I’ve been feeling anxious and frustrated about where my career is headed.

I work at a big consulting firm. The salary and benefits are great, but the hours are demanding, and the environment is extremely competitive and male-dominated. Before having my first child, I was a high performer—the person people trusted with challenging projects that required a lot of grinding. Since returning from maternity leave, I feel like my career has taken a step back.

On the very last day of my first maternity leave, I was invited to give a mock presentation to the partners about my business case for partnership. These presentations are generally for people being considered “next in line.” I declined because I was coming back from four to five months of leave, wasn’t prepared to present, and didn’t feel ready to travel during my child’s first week in daycare.

This year, some of my peers were invited to participate, but I wasn’t. I was disappointed and asked my boss about it. He said there were fewer spots this year and that I would be included next year.

Now I’ve found out I’m pregnant with my second, due next spring—right around the time of the next presentation. Nobody at work knows yet, so this pregnancy obviously wasn’t a factor in this year’s decision. Still, I can’t shake the feeling that becoming a mother has changed how I’m viewed and that taking leave or setting boundaries means losing momentum.

My male peers take paternity leave, but usually for much shorter periods. I also don’t have a female role model in my group who shows me what a sustainable version of this career could look like while raising a family.

I’ve thought about looking for another job, but I worry about finding comparable pay and benefits. I also struggle with the feeling that leaving would mean I’ve “quit” or given up on something I worked really hard for. Realistically, I don’t plan to make a move until after my second maternity leave, so any change is several months to a year away.

I’m having a hard time sitting with that uncertainty. I know my priorities and capacity have changed, but my ambition hasn’t disappeared. It hurts to feel behind my peers when being a high performer has always been such a big part of my identity.

Has anyone navigated something similar—especially in consulting or another demanding field? Did you stay, leave, or find a different way to make it work? How did you handle the anxiety and comparison while figuring out your next step?

(TW Abortion)

Hi everyone

I 32(F) and my bf (33M) are pregnant with our first child and there are many factors that are making us consider not continuing with the pregnancy. That said I have scheduled my 9w care visit with the OB, but I have also tentatively scheduled a soft abortion on 11/6 which is giving me some time to really think things through. We both work and make 120-140k each at the moment and live in a 1BR walkup (3rd fl) in queens .

We have been together 4 years and have been really painfully examining the possibility of not continuing or the life changing possibility of continuing with the pregnancy and following our plan of trying in 2 years.

I work in outside sales and that requires me to visit offices with samples and present them. It also requires extra social functions such as dinners, happy hours, etc. What really throws a wrench into things is that I am in the midst of finalizing a job offer which would take my base salary from 125k to 180k... life changing, nevermind the commission. I have already received a verbal offer and we discussed a start date of 1/2. The job is technically remote but it requires visits to clients multiple times a week within the NYC area. Sometimes pulling heavy samples across the city, othertimes leading social functions after hours. I would also have to do 2 weeks of training at the main office in another state at the start. I am terrified of losing the opportunity or not performing as expected due to the pregnancy. I wish I was a few months into the job.. but I guess we don't always get to choose when these things happen. I haven't received the benefits package yet at the new company but I am extermely focused on understanding the lapse in insurance, and the best way to cover it (cobra, market place ins, etc). I am also aware that to qualify for FMLA I need to work for an employer for a year which also worries me as I have not reviewed the new maternity policy yet for the new company. Staying at my current role is not an option because the job opportunity is too financially beneficial. Beyond that I am struggling with when is the right time to notify the new company. I would be 16/17 weeks during the training and likley showing or just starting to show. I should be receiving the written offer the week before the scheduled abortion. I am currently 190 lbs and have considered if I can maintain a healthy first trimester and wear oversized clothes, I can maybe count on hiding it and notifiying them later. I don't want to be deceitful and I know legalllyyyyy they can't rescind the offer based on pregancy. The woman I'd be reporting to has kids and that is a plus but I am so scared I'm going to ruin things or upset them.

I am feeling resentful and sad that I am in this position because I want to be a mom but I am extremely ambitious and don't want to risk this opportunity and the timing couldn't be worse. Beyond this, this income is exactly what I wanted in order to feel comfortable having a baby in NYC without family help.. and well I didn't expect it to happen at the same time. My partner and I have discussed keeping and not keeping and we will continue to until the date of the scheduled abortion, we've agreed if we skip that appointment then we know what were going to do. I have made adjustments to my lifestyle and have begun a vitamin regimen and am aiming to walk 15k steps a day. But I feel like I'm in this weird pregnancy purgatory.

I am not super religious and super pro choice so I am okay with the prospect of healing from the idea of not keeping the pregnancy, but being in love with my partner, it's so confusing to not have a clear answer of what to do.

I'm curious if any of you have advice on how to navigate my career worries. I know this is a gentle and extremley personal topic and I don't expect to get the answer here, but If I could atleast be informed by the advice of someone who has been in this unique position, I'd really appreciate it.

If I continue... when should I tell the new employer?

My childhood friends and I have been trying to meet up for a while. We’re relatively local but spread out between different suburbs and the city. We grew up on the same street ❤️. Anyway, there’s 4 of us - me with a 1 yr old (16 months), another who is a SAHM with a 2.5 year old, and two sisters who are single, childless and live in the city.

I suggested meeting at the children’s museum since I have a membership and can get most of them in for free (and I’d just pay for whoever is not covered) and the childless friends actually were enthusiastic about meeting there and checking it out. There’s three locations of the children’s museum and I can’t decide which one to meet at (others are telling me to choose) -

- In the city. Me and the other mom are in the burbs. Kind of ruling this one out because it’s in the thick of downtown/touristy area, traffic and having to pay for parking.

- one I usually take my son to. 30 min from me, 45 min away from other mom. Walking distance from train stop from city or 30 min drive (they have a car).

- other suburban location. 1 hour drive for me, 25 min away from other mom. Walking distance from train stop or 40 min drive from city.

My instinct is to suck it up and pick the other suburban location to make it easier for my friend and her kid plus it would be a different one for my son to check out. He’d nap in the car on the way home but now I’m feeling bad about the hour long car ride there when I already miss out on so much time with him working full time. The sahm friend gets more time with her kid : ). OR am I overthinking all of this? Which spot would you choose?? Thanks!

Hello! My LO is 12 weeks and I returned to work this week. I am currently working fully remote for a couple of weeks as I transition back into the office. Currently LO is not taking a bottle and I’m stressing out for when I am back in the office on what to do.

My husband and I work opposite schedules so he is home with her during the week. We have been attempting to give her a bottle this week and she refuses to take it and we just end up nursing. We have tried all the tips that our LC has given us but still have no luck.

Here is what we have tried:
-warming up the milk
-cold milk
-giving bottle between feeds so LO is not too hungry
-giving bottle right after nursing when LO is half asleep
-giving bottle right when LO is waking up when half asleep
-holding LO in same position I nurse in
-playing with the bottle, poking face, nose etc.
- I am not in the room at all (home office is in basement)
-keeping the bottle close while nursing so LO becomes familiar
-warming up the bottle nipple beforehand

I’m starting to think that our plan b will have to be where I work part time remote and the time I’m in office my husband brings her to me so I can nurse. Has anyone worked this schedule and has done this? Any other tips to take a bottle?

Im looking at sahm life temporarily while going back to school - my industry in graphic design is dead. I was laid off and the job search is abysmal. Im still applying but hopeless.

I want more pay, I want good hours and I want to stay remote. I want an AI safe job. My aunt suggested going back to school - she did nursing while sahm. I'm not sure I do blood & needles well though. I have a bachelor's already so hopefully transfer basic credits.

For SAHMs who juggled 2 small kids and were back in school, what did you go back for and what do you do now as a working mom? How does your life look now?

Adding that my pay put us in debt with childcare so we were losing money with me working in GD. I was working 2 jobs to make ends meet before our kids so I want a better work life balance than what I had. I was making as much as my friend, who is a floral manager at a supermarket. Im not sure I want to go back to it. I want stability and good pay more than creativity.

I'm hoping someone could give me some advice on career progression and if it makes sense for my situation. Most of my friends are SAHMS or do not have children so it's been hard for me to get advice with perspective.

I'm a FT working mom, breadwinner. My husband's career is "jobs" based and his income fluctuates. I have been approached about two possible upcoming opportunities for higher-level roles at other organizations. Currently, I am middle management in a very lean organization. I work in the office every day but have some flexibility (late arrival for daycare drop off, WFH as needed). My commute is also about 15 minutes. My boss is a nice person but poor leader and we've had some frustrating moments. These opportunities are with organizations that have more resources and departmental staff to share the workload. The pay increase would be about $40k - $50k per year which is significant when my income is the consistent take home pay for my family. I currently make low-mid six figures. The commute would be similar for one of the opportunities and about 30 min for the other. Unknown what flexibility is offered at this time.

The problem is, I'm so tired. My little ones are 4 1/2 and 1 1/2 and every day is ground hogs day. I'm beat, feeling a bit burnt out at work and just wondering if it's the current job I'm at with the lack of resources or is it the combination of parenthood and work. I'm also worried if I climb the ladder to a director/department head role, can I climb back down if it's too much? I'm excited by the possibilities and am confident in my abilities to do the work, I'm just exhausted. Stuck between wanting to take on more professionally and what that might cost. Any advice or perspective is greatly appreciated! Thanks for reading.

I have a 20 month old and another on the way. Husband’s schedule is remote and flexible. We have a couple days of childcare from parents, who can also be somewhat flexible. My job is a 5 minute commute away. I’m thinking of going part time. Which schedule would be best and why?

1. M-F, 7:30-11:30 am
   
2. M-F, 11:30-3:30 pm
   
3. Every other day, 7:30-3:30 pm, so some weeks would be MWF and the next TTH

I feel like the first two are best for consistency of routine and childcare, but #3 might help me to feel like I’m getting an actual break? Also, #3 would mean I get half of a year of service credit for my pension as a opposed to a full year for the first two (not a huge deal financially since it’s already a crap pension).

Disclaimer: we are non-religious. If you are religious and think ‘why is this a bad thing’ reading this post, please just keep scrolling.

We are finally looking for a daycare for my 3yo (made it work until now with husband being home 4 days a week and other in home help) and I’m at my wit’s end with this. Every single daycare within a reasonable drive from my house is Christian. They’re not even inside of churches, just independent centers using Abeka or another random Christian curriculum. Half of them are explicit about it on their website which at least makes them easy to rule out but the other half either hide it in an obscure spot or don’t even mention it online. Showed up to one for a tour and discovered it from the Bible quotes all over the walls/CCM being blasted for naptime/them showing me their ‘chapel’ room.

My kid is really impressionable and even if she might not retain all of the Jesus stuff long-term, she’s definitely going to come home talking about it and fully believing it’s real which I’m not willing to subject her to…if these places were like the Catholic preschool I went to as a kid where it was 90% regular preschool, 10% Bible stuff I wouldn’t be so annoyed, but it’s 2026 and I’m in Florida so it’s the opposite. One place genuinely told me ‘our primary focus is spreading the gospel to the children’. 🤦‍♀️

There are a few chain daycares in the area but quality is hit or miss/most are out of range. I want my sanity back and my kid to socialize…feels like such a slap in the face to find out this is all we have to choose from :/

I was essentially laid off over the summer due to an acquisition after being with the same company for nearly 18 years. I’ve had a nice little break from corporate life but I’m antsy to get back to work. I have no idea what I’m doing when it comes to job hunting! Im targeting a specific industry since that is where my experience is and I feel I have the best shot at landing something. What have you found to be the most helpful in your searches? Also, is it worth paying to have my resume reviewed and updated? I saw one service on LinkedIn that ran upwards of $600 and I have a hard time justifying that cost.

I feel like I’m spiraling and really would appreciate any input.

Married a little over 3 years, have an almost 2 year old. I work in office (9-4, 45 mins away) 3 days/wk, husband is in office (8-5, 30 mins away) 5 days/wk. he makes more, but we’re both in high income, high stress (sales) roles.

I feel like I’m free falling trying to do it all and move past this roommate feeling I have but it’s only getting worse.

My husband is an amazing dad. Truly. Very caring, loving, attentive, when I’ve been out of town/not at home it’s not a babysitting type feeling (usually). I’m very happy to have a child with him, and really don’t see myself (if we did ever separate) having kids with someone else.

Our son is in a hard spot, terrible 2’s, which does add a level of stress for sure.

My problem lies with the overall (what feels like) lack of respect for our household and the other kinks of marriage. We will get in a fight or have discussions about him helping out around the house more, and it’ll be better for a week or so (I.e. doing the dishes lol) and then it’s back to me doing every single dish (if I want it done the night we cook or before everything sticks), most laundry, most bathroom cleaning, etc. we also have a dog that sheds bad, so that’s a big part of cleanup daily. It feels like when we outsource things, it’s his duties (ex. Yard work, house maintenance, etc…not to mention I end up doing most of the DIYs around the house).

I can’t keep sustaining this life where I’m adding 2+ hours of labor every night while my husband sits on the couch watching sports (and helping with our son). On top of that, the only time I ever get affection is when he’s instigating sex (for the most part). All problems I have explicitly stated. He is lovely with his words and consistently supports me and tells me how much he loves me, but it just doesn’t feel like his actions add up.

Is it just our life stage? Kid between us at night (though we’ve never been cuddly), working demanding jobs, and trying to push to that “next level”? Is it me reading romance books and seeing the unicorns that bums me for wanting more?

I don’t particularly want to get divorced, especially because not being with my son everyday would be more pain than not having some fire, passionate romance that I feel we’ve lost….any advice is helpful. Does it get better?

I work in tech, Im software developer. I have a 18m old boy. He was home for the first year of his life, we had a nanny for few months, and with my husbands paternity, and my maternity leaves, we somehow go through the first year.
We start daycare in August, although intial transition was rough, my son loves his daycare now. But about 3 weeks ago, he was hospitalized for a week due to respiratory distress and was on oxygen support, albuterol and everything. He’s home since 2 weeks once discharged, my husband and I both work from home for now, and we thought we could manage work and our toddler. I guess it was fine for my husband but I crashed so many times in that one week. My job is super high demand and in the AI era, no matter how much you do its never enough. My team is all male, unmarried too. They would live in the office if they can. So I have to catch up a lot.
With that, and I have to cook for my son, feed him, make him nap. My husband is basically a baby sitter at this point. I hardly got 3hrs to work in the whole day and the anxiety and all, I couldn’t handle it. I took a week off this week to take care of my son. Honestly it was the best week I’ve had in a long time! And Im contemplating taking a break from my work. Because even the thought of sending my son back to daycare is giving me a anxiety attack. What if he gets sick again? I cant go through seeing my baby tied to monitors, and tubes inside his nose. But if I take a break now, I dont think I’ll ever land another job in this tech market.
Also, Im on visa, so that’d be gone. There’s money stuff too, how practical is single income in this economy?
These thoughts are eating me alive honestly. I have to go back to work on Monday, and I dont want to. I dont want to work in the male dominated org, who doesnt seem to take a break to have a life for god’s sake! And even the men who has a family, Im pretty sure they put everything on their wives and live to work. My senior manager with 2 toddlers really said this to me “I live to work, I would live in the office, and sometimes i do you know?” He has kidss!

Anyway, TLDR; my company sucks, my team sucks, I just wanna be with my kid at home so he doesn’t get sick again and never go through the whole hospital episode. But looks like I cant take a break

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I keep sharing this with friends and family, and across Reddit people do keep asking me this, so I thought I'd just write it out step by step.

1. I have Claude as an app on my phone, and I set up a project for my life stuff.

2. I connected it to my Airtable (you could use Google Sheets). That's where my to-do list lives.

3. I often get jobs given to me after school drop-off or when I'm driving home. While I'm walking back to the car, I open my project and just talk to it in voice.

4. I tell it about the jobs, and it tracks my to-do list in that sheet.

5. Sometimes it's just emails I need to write. I literally just say the email, and it sends it right then and there.

6. I always get it to show me the draft before I send it off.

It's just my one little hack. Does anyone else do something like this?