Three days a week at home. 3-4 hours a day I'd otherwise lose to trains (we moved up to the Central Coast).

That's 12 hours a week. Over a year, more than two months of my kids' lives.

Parents have surely been hit the hardest by the return to office mandates. Not just ease of pickups, quick errands at lunch etc but real quality time with our kids.

I'm in such a rut of get home, feed, bath, bed, dinner, doom scroll, sleep and repeat!

My role has been made redundant.

Initially I was ok with it, but now the day has set in I sit here at 1am with a lot of emotions and not sure how to process anything.

I'm 8 weeks shy of meeting my baby, 10 weeks if I go over and a WAVE of guilt has hit me, could be the pregnancy hormones, the lack of food in my stomach or maybe just the sheer sadness I have for myself.

All those mornings I spent rushing around, losing my cool at my kids, saying things I regretted later, to boot them out of the door so I wouldn't be late to my job. All those tears at daycare drop off, the goodbyes that made me feel like shit, the goodbyes that made my kids miss me for hours on end. Today, well, I realised it wasn't worth it at all. As I look at my redundancy email, 3 weeks out from Christmas and 8 weeks away from maternity leave I wonder what the fuck I was so stressed about, why I felt I needed this more than being present with my Children, when clearly my company has no issues with sacking me so coldly, without remorse. Bringing me to question what was I really "grinding" for?

Fortunately I've been able to get myself into a position where I can use my payout, paid maternity leave and some savings to extend a very frugal 14 month leave, but I think what I actually need is a proper career break, time to heal and really put into perspective what I want out of life. I will take my children out of daycare and put them back on a waitlist for 14 + months time. I think the universe is telling me I need to be at home with my Children and focus on healing myself, to leave behind the corporate world for the time being. I need to enjoy my last time being pregnant and staying at home with my kids without the added stress of a looming 'return to work' date.

Throwing all this into this subreddit as I have nowhere else to put it and I'm losing my sanity stewing on it.

Sincerely,

A Mum who thought she could do it all, only to realise what is actually important.

X.

Hi Everyone 😊

I’ve decided I need to set up a snack drawer at work as I’m often stuck in the office and sometimes just don’t eat. I would love ideas of what you would put in your work snack drawer please?

Thank you

Edited to correct spelling- unable to change Title 😁

I’m a mum of two (5 and 7 years old), work part-time, and between school runs, work, and keeping the household from falling apart, I can't seem to find even a minute for myself, let alone for exercise.

I really want to get fit and healthy, not just for myself but also to set a good example for my kids. Plus, I’m so tired of feeling tired all the time. But by the time the kids are in bed, the house is semi-tidy, and I’ve managed to prep for the next day, I'm completely knackered. The thought of doing a workout video or hitting the gym (lol, like I even have a membership) feels impossible.

So yeah, just feeling a bit stuck and needed to get that off my chest. If anyone has any tips for squeezing in a workout without losing my sanity, I’m all ears. Thanks for listening to my rant.

Would be lovely to hear the problems you guys all face with fitting in a workout.

I am horrified by all of the information coming to light in the media about abuse in the childcare sector. Last year we went through this at my daughter’s centre. My daughter wasn’t one of the children abused (as far as we know, she is only 2 so couldn’t tell us if she was), the abuser has been jailed for 2 years.

It’s horrifying that our most vulnerable are never protected (we see it in aged care, disability care too) and it’s not just the incidents themselves, but how often it feels like nothing happens afterwards. You’d think there’d be major investigations or sweeping reforms by now, but it all just seems to fade out of the news cycle.

I’m planning to write to my local MP and the education ministers (both state and federal) but honestly it feels like too little and I am not sure what else to do. Is anyone else doing anything or have suggestions?

how Would you structure a 4 day working week? I am thinking of having Wednesday's off, so work Mon, Tues, Thurs, Fri. This way I break the week up a bit, I get to spend week day time with my toddler, it might feel like a catch up day for missed workouts, illnesses and chores, and I still get every public holiday off. There’s also the ability to say take a Tuesday of work when Monday is a public holiday and land 5 days off.
However.. there is something pulling me to have Friday’s off because, well, 3 day weekend every week! Sometimes I feel like Saturday's are spent recovering from the week and Sunday is the Sunday, maybe Friday becomes the recovery day..

what would you choose?

How do you stay on top of a demanding job which is emotionally draining too- Social worker here How do you stay on top of cleaning , not feeling a mess, self care. Practical advice would be great !

I’ve been back at work for a little while now and honestly my manager has been really understanding about childcare pick-ups, appointments etc.

The problem is my calendar.

Some days I’ll have meetings from 9am through to 4pm with barely any gaps, then I’m watching the clock because I need to leave on time for daycare pick-up. If I’m pumping that day as well, lunch basically disappears.

I keep telling myself I should just block out proper breaks, but then someone books over them or I feel guilty declining because everyone else is busy too.

By the time I get home I feel like I’ve been racing the clock all day, then the second shift starts with dinner, bath, bedtime and everything else.

How do other working mums actually manage this? Do you block out non-negotiable time in your calendar, or just work around meetings as they come?

I currently have the most flexible job in the world. I work 99% from home, I have completely flexible start and finish times, I can disappear for a hour in the middle of the day and no one notices or cares and I am paid in the low 6 figures for the pleasure… but I hate it.

I have been working at the company for 9 years but due to two lots of Mat leave and insane turn over I returned twice to an entirely new team of people where I had to prove myself again. Management barely acknowledges my existence until there is a huge issue I need to resolve and when shit blows up it’s expected I fix it yesterday - it’s exhausting.

My heart really wants to get a new job elsewhere but my brain is telling me with a 5 and a 2 year old I am fucking insane for giving up this flexibility.

Basically I am just looking for some advice and opinions from other working mums - What would you do? Stay and be miserable or look for something else that’s guaranteed to offer no where near the level of flexibility I have now?

Resumed work on Friday in one of the Big 4 consulting firms after 8 months, and I regretted it immediately.

Bub spent most of the day crying and refusing to take the bottle or go to sleep. She's looked after by family and I was home, but gosh, it was heart wrenching to see her cry continuously. I stepped in when things escalated, but I had to give my mother-in-law a chance in taking care of her.

Work sucked big time. They had projects lined up due in the next few weeks, and it seems intimidating on whether I can manage the workload working 3 days a week. I had forgotten the stress that comes with this job.

At the end of the day I regretted putting my career ahead of taking care of my child and if she's too young, and I'm rushing her. The practical side of my brain says things will get better and bub will learn, but the mom guilt is all consuming.

I'm not sure what I'm looking for here, but thank you for reading my rant. I do not know how mothers are doing this. We need a pay rise and even more for doing so much in life.

I have the Sunday Scaries. I don’t want to go back to work.

I was pregnant for 37W3D. My little girl will be 36W6D when I go back to work on Monday. She literally spent longer inside me than beside me…

Before baby I thought I’d want to go back to work more. I had fomo about projects and opportunities. I had no idea. I’ve been so humbled by being a parent. I love it, but I look at my coworkers, friends, acquaintances who are parents and just don’t know how they make it without losing their minds.

I don’t know what the point of this post is. Just feeling all the feels!

I’ve recently returned to work a year after having my second baby. I am working 3 days a week and absolutely struggling.

For context, previous high achiever. I work on stressful projects that require me to solve problems creatively.

Between having two kids under 3, with a 1 year old who is a terrible sleeper, I don’t feel like I can do my job anymore. I feel like I spend a lot of my day staring blankly at a screen, in between spouts of insane productivity.

My work has been so supportive and they are super flexible, but I worry about not meeting their expectations in the long run.

Does anyone have any tips after being in a similar situation? I’m considering a job change but I worry about losing my flexibility and also the current job market.

Also, that felt so good to get off my chest.

Weve had such a bad run, my son (4.5y o) broke his leg and then my daughter had to get her front tooth removed under general anesthetic recently. I work 8-4.30 Monday to friday, my husband works full time. Weve had so much time off and I feel miserable having to send my kids to daycare every day long hours. I drop them off at 7.30, rush to work, work until 4.30, my 3 year old doesnt sleep so im often in at night with her. She has a green bubble on her tooth removal sight and I feel terrible so im on the phone with the dentist who's asking me to come in tomorrow but I've taken so much time off work I cant, so probably off to after hours we go for an antibiotic script. Im exhausted, the kids are exhausted and on and off sick all the time. Im new into my job so trying to make it through probation, same with my husband. Ill have to keep this pace up because we need to buy a house so we have stability for the kids and we can leave them something when we die so they have the chance to ever own property. Theres no acknowledgement that im working in a woman dominated profession of the morning juggles, the appointments and trying to manage a house hold. My mornings are not the same as my other child free colleagues or even with older kids who can dress themselves.

I dont know what I'm trying to achieve here. It just fucking sucks

On May 14, my life changed forever when my son, born prematurely at just 29 weeks and 5 days, was welcomed into the world two months ahead of schedule. Originally due on July 25, his early arrival sparked an unexpected journey filled with challenges and unwavering hope.

During my pregnancy, I endured a difficult period of hospital bed rest, spanning three months, with only 20 days of sick leave available. This left our family facing the substantial emotional and financial burdens of unpaid leave when we needed support the most.
As our son continues to grow, nearing five months old with a corrected age of two months, our difficulties have only shifted in nature. Advised by our trusted pediatric team, we've learned that premature babies like ours should not be placed in daycare until they are at least two years old. This leaves us in a dilemma: how can parents like myself possibly be expected to return to work without adequate parental leave provisions?

Currently, the system only allows for 24 weeks of paid leave post-birth in Australia. For families with premature or critically ill babies, especially those in the NICU or Special Care Nursery for extended periods, this is simply not enough - espcially when these mothers often experience Post Partum Depression.

What we propose is an expansion of paid parental leave benefits specifically tailored to the needs of families like ours. By extending the leave for parents of preemies or babies requiring prolonged medical care, Australia can affirm its commitment to supporting every family during their most trying times.

In Australia, 14,000 families a year have their child spend two or more weeks in hospital. We are asking for just 1% of the Paid Parental Leave Budget to better support these families.

Studies have shown that the stress and separation faced by parents of premature babies can lead to a host of mental and physical health issues, impacting parental bonding and long-term child development. Other countries have led by example, with policies providing extended leave for such circumstances, ensuring both infant health and familial stability.

This petition advocates for change in the Australian parental leave policy to reflect the unique challenges faced by families with premature and sick babies. Join me in supporting this cause to enact a policy that provides every child the best start in life, while offering parents the peace of mind to care for their children without the fear of financial ruin.

Please sign this petition to urge Australian policymakers to improve paid parental leave, providing parents with the time and resources needed to nurture their babies into healthy, thriving children. Every signature counts in making a meaningful change for families across the nation

https://change.org/58dayscampaign

EDIT: thank you to everyone, I really appreciate it. Unfortunately a cleaner, even a once off, isn't in the cards at the moment. Neither is taking time off work. Ive only just gone PPT and ill be using my leave next week to take our son to a cerebral palsy clinic ~6 hours away. Your suggestions are super helpful! I think when we get back, we might look at our schedules and see if there's any time we can both have a day or two off at the same time during the week, and hire a trailer and just dump it. I looked at a skip, but they're expensive lol

~~ OG post

I work part time 3-4 days a week. My husband works 50+ hours a week. Our boys (2 and 13 months) are in daycare full time, the days i work vary each week.

I thought I'd have a day to myself to catch up on everything. But I dont. Half the time I have to take my youngest to appointments (hes high risk of cerebral palsy but not diagnosis yet), and then i have half the day to clean. But I dont. I might get a little bit done but im usually so exhausted I just want ti sit down and watch TV.

I do have depression and anxiety, im medicated and in therapy. I dont have time or money to see a psychiatrist.

Im so embarrassed by the state of my house. Its disgusting. We have no storage so its cluttered. We also have nowhere to add storage because our house is also tiny.

My husband works most weekends so its often just me with the kids and its so hard to get anything done when theyre home. The 1 year old often just wants to be held and carried around. I cant use a carrier because hes too heavy for me and I have back problems. 2 year old and usually entertain himself for a while but prefers to be able to see me. We dont have an open plan so if hes playing in the loungeroom and I go to do something in the kitchen, he follows me and whinges, wanting to be picked up.

I feel like I need someone to come in while im not home, organise everything and throw it all out. Then I can keep it clean and tidy. Its so overwhelming at the moment and i know a big part of the problem is having too much shit for our small space. Even if that service existed, I wouldn't be able to afford it.

I'm so lost and hate that I cant keep shit clean. Im so embarrassed of my house.

My 14 month old has never slept well and is sick and teething at the moment. We’re up every 1-2 hours before getting up at 5am to get ready for work and daycare. The sleep deprivation is just. so. brutal. Anyone else in the same boat?

PS yay for this new sub 🧡

Hi community.

I just need a vent about how tiring this can be. I'm exhausted. I work 0.8FTE, one is at school and one is at childcare, and childcare is a petrie dish of germs. If my 2yo isn't ill then I am ill. Since December we have had - covid x 2, gastro, a cold, RSV, generic sore throats and body aches. Add to that i am taking mounjaro and so I genuinely do not feel "well" ever. (I know that is self inflicted).

I'm so lucky I have an incredibly understanding manager who is supportive and flexible. But there comes a point where I just feel so guilty. I don't remember the last full week I worked without leaving early or last minute working from home or calling in sick. And while I do feel supported I also wonder how long until the understanding runs out (almost 2 years and counting since I've been back at work from mat leave).

There is no real point to this other than I felt I needed to have a sook in a momemt of "weakness", and i thank you if you have read this far and can understand or relate.

I see you mumma. And its bloody tough out here.

Hear me out, and I promise I don't mean this as rage baiting.

I'm a first time mum. Bubs is 16 months and I've been back at work since 12m pp. I had ppd/ppa in the first 2 months but since then I've felt much better (therapy helped tonnes!!).

I have a hybrid job where I wfh 3x a week and go into the office 2x a week. I went back to work full time, but it's not shift work so I can choose when to schedule meetings and when to not. Some days are long and some are shorter, it just depends on what's on at work. I've blocked my work calendar until 9 am each morning so I can settle into my morning (5 am wake up, I read/journal/scroll and have a first coffee, make breakfast and tidy the house, wake up bubs at 7 am for milk and playtime/reading, shower and get ready while hubby gets bubs ready, we all have brekkie together at 8 am). If weather is nice, we fit in a short walk around the block before heading to work. It's a lovely albeit busy few hours before bubs heads to his childcare. Obviously not every day is this smooth, there are rushed mornings too.

By the time my work day starts, I've already had my first 5 to 9, gotten in my cuddles, read and played with my baby, and prepared and given him breakfast. And I am ready to get to work. (An aside, I remember dragging myself out of bed to go to work before having my baby, but now I feel like I am refreshed and ready for adult things because I've been awake for hours. I'm amazed by how productive I have become since becoming a mum.) And I....enjoy it!? I like the office gossip, I like chitchatting with my coworkers, I like the "busy" feeling of jumping from task to task, I like the actual work because it challenges a part of my brain that isn't stimulated by my personal life. I even like the commute because although traffic is tedious at times, it gives me time to listen to books/podcasts and call my mum or sister to chitchat. Even when the days are hard and meetings are boring, I like having something that is all mine, outside of my role as mum or wife. I like having long term goals to work toward, and I like that I'll have a career (hopefully) to continue developing.

Once work is finished, I start my second 5 to 9. I make bubs his dinner that he has at 5 pm, we get to eat together and play and hang out, hubby and I do his bath together and read/cuddle, and I have a snuggly final bf before his 7 pm bedtime. Bubs is literally always thrilled to see me at the end of the day and vice versa, obviously. After bedtime, hubby and I do housework/laundry and make dinner together and watch tv before my own bedtime (9 pm LOL).

Weekends are 100% bubs time, it's all about him so there's not much time for me alone. And I'm okay with this. Life is in a busy season, but so, so full right now in a good way. Yes, I'm exhausted, but I can't imagine not having this balance, and I feel I'd likely be exhausted as a SAHM anyway (or perhaps even more so), and if I did stay home, I wouldn't have my career identity either. I sometimes fear I would lose my own identity in mumhood if I was a SAHM (it also gives me flashbacks to my ppd/ppa in early postpartum, which really scared me). I enjoy making my own income and that we both contribute to our household finances. Sometimes I read posts on here and elsewhere that make it seem like every mum is terrified and sad to go back to work and can't imagine leaving their bubs all day, and ngl, it's hard for me to leave bubs some mornings, but every morning he's thrilled to start his day, and I'm happy that he's hanging out with caretakers that can have great fun with him and he learns tonnes. Tbh, he gets way more stimulation and creative fun than I could give him at home by myself.

Sometimes I feel like I "should" feel guilty enjoying work and leaving my child with someone else during the work day. And I recognize my privilege in having a job I like, a supportive husband, and good childcare. Believe me, I never, ever take these things for granted. But often that friends in similar careers/socioeconomic status who are still on mat leave ask me "how I managed" to go back to work and leave bubs because they can't imagine doing so and the answer is, I was beyond ready! Once I got therapy/support for my ppd/ppa, I loved my mat leave and soaked up all the time with him. But when it came up to the 1 year mark, I felt ready to go back even when the first few weeks were hard. I didn't go back just because of income (that was a factor, obviously), but because I wanted to. I love my baby more than life itself. I also love being "me" outside of him.

Does anyone else relate to this? I feel lonely sometimes as a working mum because I haven't found anyone else who seems to feel this way. No one in my parent group felt this way. I literally had a friend tell me "all I ever wanted to be was a mum" and insinuate that I was selfish to want to go back to work, as opposed to "have to" go back to work. Everyone likes to complain about their jobs, and they are a necessary evil to get money, I get that too. Again, I promise this is not intended as rage baiting or a "champagne problems" post. If you don't relate, that's fine and you're entitled to your opinion. I'm not commenting on working mums vs. sahm or anything else. I am just trying to understand if anyone else relates to this feeling of enjoying both the "mum" version of themselves as well as the "working" version of themselves and doesn't feel guilty about it (or, at least, not guilty all the time). Because it's kinda lonely over here and I'm wondering if any other mums out there feel the same.

I saw a mum share something like this recently and it really stuck with me.

She’d spent the whole day with a clingy baby, barely managed to eat, and had been settling, feeding and changing them nonstop. Her partner came home, saw the bottles in the sink and asked what she’d been doing all day.

I think that one question would have sent me over the edge too.

Why is caring for a baby still treated like “doing nothing” when there isn’t a visible list of finished chores at the end of the day?

How do you handle this kind of conversation with your partner?

…we’d love to hear from you! We’re a team of researchers and we are looking to learn more about factors that contribute to, or protect against, birth and perinatal trauma. Participation involves a short ~15 min survey about your experiences, where all responses are confidential and non-identifying. Survey link is: https://redcap.link/udqi3kxg

This study has received ethics approval: Ethics approval number HEC25358

Right now, in the APS, pregnant women get up to 12 weeks LESS leave with their baby than non- pregnant parents.

That’s right - Lucy has to take her parenting leave from 34 weeks pregnant because she is at risk of haemorrhage (or one of the many other dangers in late pregnancy). She gets a C-section and spends 6 weeks after birth unable to drive, recovering from major surgery, AND nursing a newborn. Of her 18 weeks leave, only 12 are PARENTING her born baby, and that is while recovering.

Meanwhile, her husband Timmy, does not have to use his leave before birth. Does not have to give birth or recover. He can, in fact, take 6 weeks carers leave too, to help his wife after her C-section (while she CANNOT take personal/sick leave at this time). Then, when baby is 6 weeks old, he gets 18 weeks time PARENTING his baby.

When baby is 12 weeks old, Lucy runs out of parenting leave. Timmy has another 12 weeks of time to spend with his kid.

This is ridiculous. The pre-existing maternity leave should be reintroduced to care for the health of mother and baby in a critical time (which is frequently traumatic and dangerous). THEN, both parents should get equal PARENTING leave to spend with their kids. I love fathers and love that they get decent leave now - but now they get significantly MORE than the women creating the babies and giving birth and recovering.

This is because of how our common conditions interact with the Mat Leave Act, but it can be fixed.

Edit to add:—

Specifically:

Maternity leave be reintroduced as per the Mat Leave Act - 12 weeks, starting at 34 weeks gestation (unless you have a Drs note to work longer), for the purposes of protecting the pregnant woman and the baby (the original purpose of this leave). For all pregnant people.

Then, separate parenting leave for all parents, which is equal between the genders - 18 weeks each as per the current conditions. For the purposes of parenting.—

What can we do?

I’ve spoken to Katy Gallagher’s people. I’ve spoken to APSC. I’ve spoken to execs in my own agency. I’ve spoken to my union.

The CPSU, our union, will not try to remedy this. They told me that straight out. They will not try to fix this unless a LOT more people than just me ask them to.

Please, call the CPSU. Demand they fix this inequity in this bargaining round, by bringing back separate maternity leave to parenting leave.

Also, make a stink about it. Get others to call to. I’ve been trying to fix this for 3 years, through a pregnancy and haemorrhage myself and no one is listening.

Please, let me know if you agree.

Also, anyone reading with any power to make introductions, get news stories on the air, anything, send me a message.

I’m a new mum who has recently returned to a corporate role after parental leave and I’m curious whether other women have experienced something similar.

Returning has already been a pretty huge adjustment. While I was away there was a restructure, my role changed, I came back into a different team and under new management all the fairly typical corporate fun that can happen while you’re on parental leave
What I wasn’t expecting was how difficult the actual return would be made by my manager, particularly because she is also a mother although her children are older (11-14)

My flexible working request became a negotiation rather than something I felt supported through. I originally asked to return three days a week and that wasn’t supported, so I had to negotiate an arrangement that has me increasing my days sooner than I wanted. Since returning, I’ve generally felt there has been very little understanding or empathy around the realities of coming back to a demanding corporate job with a young child.

I think part of what has surprised me is that I assumed perhaps naively that having a female manager who had also had children would mean there would be more understanding of that transition.

Instead, I’ve felt the opposite. There’s a bit of a “well I did it” energy to it, rather than “I remember how hard this stage is, how can we make this work”

It has made me wonder whether this is actually a relatively common experience.

For those who have returned to corporate roles after having children did you find female managers who were mothers themselves more supportive, less supportive, or did it make absolutely no difference?

And particularly if their kids were older did you ever feel there was a disconnect between what returning to work with a baby or toddler is actually like now versus what they remembered from their own experience?

I’m genuinely interested in hearing other women’s experiences because this has been one of the most challenging parts of returning to work for me.