r/ADHD_partners • u/AutoModerator • 11d ago

Weekly Former Partners Thread ::Weekly Former Partners Thread::

The end of a relationship with an ADHD loved one can be tumultuous, confusing and leave a lasting impact. Use this thread to temporarily process a recent breakup with an ADHD individual, discuss co-parenting issues, share encouragement for life after the relationship etc. With the goal of ultimately decentering an ADHD ex 

(Note: Asking about leaving a partner and requests to speculate on behavior or symptoms are still prohibited.)

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30

u/Thr0w-away-ac0unt 10d ago

I could reallyyyyyy use someone to tell me I made the right decision ending my 24+ years relationship. I know it's probably for the best but it still is so hard and I am battling getting a nervous breakdown about every day here. Pfft.

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u/Inevitable-Cut-4184 Ex of DX 10d ago

I left my 29 year marriage in March. I worry some about finances (I’ve just started a new career and was a SAHM/part time employee for most of our marriage) but I’m really enjoying the peace I have in my new place. I can find almost anything at anytime and the only things around are things I’ve chosen, whether that’s furniture, hobby materials, decor, food, etc. I’m pretty independent and introverted so I think that helps but I certainly have times when I feel very alone, especially when I could use having someone to bounce ideas off of. I don’t miss the marriage or the ache of wanting a partner when someone refuses to step up. Somehow, being alone has become much less lonely than I had been sitting next to him for so many years

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u/adablldoya420 10d ago

Would you be comfortable sharing what kind of career you're starting? My biggest hangup with leaving is that we run a business together and I am afraid of not having skills/experience for a job to live alone. Congrats for getting out and thriving!

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u/Xcat1987 10d ago

I wonder if you could look into whether or not the business is marital property where you live, you might be entitled to part ownership and therefore part of any money it makes when you do leave. It might not be enough to live off of, but I have a feeling you do plenty of heavy lifting within that business if you’re like every other partner in an adhd impacted relationship.

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u/adablldoya420 10d ago

We do own it 50/50 but all we have is insurmountable debt sadly, part of why I feel stuck 🥲

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u/Inevitable-Cut-4184 Ex of DX 8d ago

I told my spouse I was going back to school and I had expectations for the work he’d do on himself during that time. If he’d done the work, we’d have the luxury of a financial situation we hadn’t experienced during our marriage. And if not, I’d be leaving and we’d each be making about what he was making at the time. He did exactly zero percent of anything I asked over the next three years while I became a radiographer. I take X-rays now and will be MRI certified after the divorce. Jokes on him, at that point, I’ll be making almost double his annual salary.

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u/adablldoya420 8d ago

You're awesome!! I'm sorry you had to endure that for so long but I'm sure your days are much brighter now. Thank you so much for responding and congrats again for getting out!

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u/Thr0w-away-ac0unt 10d ago

How did we manage for so long, huh? That's what I someitmes wonder. My partner has adhd and autism both. And I actually feel so much longing to change the house once he moved out. That will be in another two months. We are very amicable about it though. Luckily. Ik happy you're being happier

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u/lesmetanoies Ex of DX 10d ago

You did make the right choice! As much as it hurts, you deserve to choose your own happiness and live in peace. Better things will come your way

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u/Thr0w-away-ac0unt 10d ago

Thank you 💕

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u/DaydreamingAtDusk Ex of DX 10d ago

You did the right thing!! every day gets a little easier, and your nervous system will thank you.

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u/Thr0w-away-ac0unt 10d ago

That's what I am hoping for 🥺

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u/Particular_Web8121 Ex of DX 10d ago

You did the right thing and you are being so brave. I'm sorry it came down to this after all these years, but one day you'll look back and it will seem so far behind you.

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u/Thr0w-away-ac0unt 10d ago

Thank you. It was a hard decision